Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Tonight, if there were a moon, it'd be full to the brim

with pure anticipation for this historic moment in football.

Or soccer.

But in most places, it's football.

But no matter what you call the game, it all starts with a ball.

And a person.

And their foot.

This nail-biter comes down to Zlatan, in the final game before the All-Star Cup.

I'm Rob Stone.

Will Zlatan make it happen?

Zlatan always makes it happen.

Was he… Was he pointing at me?

Yes, I'm pointing at you, Rob Stone.

How are you even hearing me and--

Dude, concentrate on the penalty shot.

What? This shot?

Zlatan shoots. And Zlatan…

…scores!

Now that is good football. Or soccer.

-But mostly football. I'm Rob Stone.

In a mere 24 hours,

someone will go home with that prestigious, shiny All-Star Cup.

Until then, fans will be asking themselves

who will be named the All-Star Cup All-Star

of all All-Stars of all time?

-That's easy. -Huh?

It will be… Ah! Zlatan!

Spoiler alert! Aha!

As I was trying to say--

Zlatan!

Okay!

Zlatan!

Let's find out what soccer fans think.

Weird Al Yankovic! What's your take?

I think the All-Star Cup All-Star of all All-Stars of all time will be

me!

Oh, that's rich. And by rich, I mean hilarious and dumb.

Hey, hear me out.

Wouldn't I be the All-Star Cup All-Star of all All-Stars of all time if I were to,

oh, I don't know,

borrow a teensy bit of soccer skills from each player using advanced genetics?

Weird Al knows advanced genetics?

Know it? It's one of my doctorates!

How else could I have come up with "I Think I'm a Clone Now"?

How, Rob? How could I have?

Weird Al?

Yes, Rob Stone?

Are you a mad scientist?

I mean…

Who would say yes to that, Rob?

Would a mad scientist actually say yes to that?

Well, you're not saying you aren't a mad scientist.

What I'm saying is, Weird Al can do anything he sets his mind to.

Observe.

This free kick, into that net.

Ow! Ow, man!

There we go!

And now time for some fan commentary.

Hey, you, tall person in a trench coat.

-We're spotted. -He's coming!

Who do you think will be named the All-Star of all All-Stars?

Megan! Megan!

-It's Ronaldo. -Megan!

-Quit punching. -Hey!

And we're done here!

We'll see you at the All-Star game.

For now, my name is--

Rob Stone, think fast!

-We lost the coat! -Also losing balance.

We are not losing my chance to get a selfie with Megan Rapinoe!

Nautai, not the time!

- Whoa!

-We're going down!

We're gonna get caught.

Quiet, Palio.

Rapinoe, where you at?

Nautai, not the time!

I think not!

-Hmm. -What was that for, Zana?

Goalie's instinct.

We should make this fast. Security's gonna come soon.

Mama needs a Megan selfie, let's not waste a second.

Is that who I think it is?

-Amazing! This can't be real! -What?

I think not!

Ooh. Whoops.

You blocked Zlatan.

-Zana, I'll miss you. -We're dead!

Goalie's instinct?

You got talent. Not Zlatan's talent, but still talent.

Don't feel bad though, no one has Zlatan's talent.

That is true.

-Nautai does. -What?

At least when it comes to juggling, which,

from this display, appears to be Zlatan's kryptonite.

Oh, snap!

I propose a juggle-off.

Double snap.

The confidence I admire.

But Zlatan is a pro. A pro does not juggle against a kid.

Oh, you mean against a kid you're afraid will beat you?

Then again, I'm currently off the clock, which means

Zlatan is happy to trounce anyone.

And he will trounce you. Come on, Tai, be reasonable.

Reasonable?

Not my thing.

All right. Make space, people. Juggle-off on.

Allow Zlatan to show you how to juggle like Zlatan.

-Zlatan rules! -Yeah!

Uh, wow, tough act to follow.

Nautai can always back out.

Ah, but Nautai never will.

Can I get a "juggle-off on"?

Technically it was never off.

Just say, "Juggle-off on."

I can turn it off, then turn it on. Would that work?

Juggle-off on!

-Nautai! -Nice!

Zlatan is impressed, but also curious how you four got in here.

We snuck in to meet you.

We're a street football team. We've been saving for tickets.

It's not easy though, we live in the trailers by the old dump.

Down the Dead River from the new dump.

The point is, we started a business so we could buy tickets.

And it took off, thanks to being inspired by you.

And Megan! By the by, do you guys hang out?

Trying to get a selfie.

Nautai, not the time.

Call us the Creature Catchers.

"Pest control"?

Highest-rated pest control on Yelp. Five stars. Whoop-whoop!

We run toward the stuff everyone else runs away from.

That's our slogan. Woot.

And this is our commercial.

Oh, what? Gah!

That is a rabbit's tongue. Ugh.

And what are those zappy things?

Homemade electro-bolas.

And those? What is that? Let me guess, homemade electro-balls?

Homemade stun balls.

Your every Yelp star has been earned, my friends.

Zlatan's never seen anyone fight off a rabid raccoon using a back-heel.

-Zlatan likes it! -All you, O'Dang.

I got inspired by your back-heel goal against Bastia in 2013.

Seems like soccer's more than just a game for you.

We bring soccer into every aspect of our lives.

Makes it hard to go to libraries.

I can imagine.

Only a great team could have caught a rabid skunk.

Teamwork is how you avoid getting sprayed by stink.

Like playing against Ronaldo. Anyway, you're good at what you do.

Yes, yes, yes!

Or maybe you're incredibly stupid and very lucky.

But either way, you've earned those tickets.

Tickets sold out fast, so we're out of luck.

Good thing I got four extra.

They are all yours,

if you promise you got my back with any creatures that need catching.

Hello?

-Deal! -Deal!

Yes, yes!

Thank you so much.

I mean, all we wanted to do is say thanks and give you a coupon. And now this?

Ooh.

Zlatan didn't get to the top by turning down coupons.

I'll get the tickets. Back in two minutes. Don't move.

-I can't even! -An itch on my arm!

Don't move!

Nothing Zlatan likes more than coming through

on a promise to his fans.

And not getting distracted at all.

What's that?

A present! To Zlatan?

"Open me." I sure will, mystery gift.

Oh! I hope it's a jetpack.

Eh, already got one.

Now, a jetpack, there's a mystery gift.

Ah…

They all want selfies.

Gotta make my ponytail pretty for selfies.

-What the…

Ew!

-Was that Zlatan? -That sounded bad.

-I'll just itch real quick, yeah? -Don't move!

Oh.

A cutie little slug baby.

What's your name, sluggy baby?

Lovely! Is that a family name?

Slug baby?

-O'Dang, wait! -He said don't move! Stay frozen!

Can't hear you, running away!

That's better.

Zlatan! You all right?

Sluggy? You there? Sluggy?

Phew! Slug baby, come on out.

Zlatan's taking you to the slug baby orphanage.

Or I can squash you.

Your choice, tough guy.

Zlatan, you okay?

Stay in there, I'm hunting a green glowy thing.

Slug!

Yeah, exactly, a slug!

No, behind you!

Zlatan!

Hey. Get off my ponytail!

It's my best feature, after my talent and face!

Get off!

No! Do not, worm!

What's happening?

No, this was a new uniform!

No. My lucky socks!

No…

What happened?

Uh, there was an incident.

What kind of incident causes that?

What kind? The mutant Zlatan kind!

Now, before he became a mutant, did he…

Did he give you the tickets?

No.

No!

-Get the goo dripping. -I'm getting it.

-Say cheese! -Yes.

A neon slug hatched out of a soccer ball,

then turned Zlatan into a rampaging mutant.

-Hello? -Cheese!

So 911 hung up. We're on our own.

Well, guess we're heading home.

We promised Zlatan we'd have his back with creatures that needed catching.

Turns out, he's the creature.

Oh, I'm all for keeping promises.

But I'm also all for not getting killed by Mutant Zlatan.

I hear that, Palio. Alone, each of us would definitely get killed.

But remember what Zlatan said?

We catch creatures. We play football.

If there was ever anyone to do this, it's us.

-I know you're scared. I'm scared. -I'm scared too.

I'm fine.

We might be scared, but at least we're scared together,

as a team, and we're gonna find Zlatan as a team.

We might get brutally slaughtered, but it'll be a team slaughter.

Good speech.

-How are we gonna find him?

How hard can it be to find a rampaging, mutated, neon-green football legend?

Mutant Zlatan smash you all!

Let's suit up and get out there.

Before we risk our lives, can we get a five-second soccer break?

Please?

You know I want to, but there's no time. We've gotta suit up.

Come on, five seconds. I need a recharge. Please?

Hey, keep it down out there!

Just a quiet five-second soccer break?

Nautai, Mutant Zlatan is on the loose. This is no time to--

-Hey! -Watch this!

-Bam! GOAT.

I'll give you a GOAT.

Hey, keep it down out there!

He's big.

He's terrifying.

He stinks!

Let's go get him!

-Cue the suit-up music. -We're suiting up?

Yeah! Suit up!

-Sweet suit-up music.

Ooh, these color cards are new.

Bright and cheerful. I like!

O'Dang, why all the racket?

-Palio, see you next fall!

-Ooh, love the new sneeze guard, Zana.

I buttoned my sleeves together!

Vintage Palio.

Let's go!

Creature Catchers!

-Did I mess up? -You said it before you jumped.

-It's as you jump. -You say it and then jump.

Stupid clothes. Stupid rope!

-How about you keep it down!

-He's close.

I can smell him.

-Oh, no. -Bingo!

Oh, please. After you.

There have been sightings of a rampaging Zlatan,

far more glowy and green than usual.

We can only speculate as to why.

My money is on superpowers from outer space.

Let's go to the phones. Caller X, what's your take?

My take is the bad guy is a genius.

You've talked to the bad guy?

Who is it, Caller X?

It's me, Rob. Obviously, I'm the bad guy.

I'm calling with a voice modulator and boasting in a coy manner.

Who else could it possibly be other than a bad guy?

Who, Rob, who?

Hey, no need to get snippy, Caller X.

If the bad guy wants to snip, he'll snip!

Snip, snip, snip!

Caller X mutated Zlatan?

That's right. Zlatan won't be the last All-Star either.

Soon, I'll have talent from every All-Star.

My voice modulator!

As I was saying…

Say what you will about Caller X, but that is a mighty fine evil laugh.

I'm Rob Stone.

Rapinoe moves in on the goal, victory in sight.

McCready isn't making a move as Rapinoe shoots.

Oh! Last-minute steal by McCready!

Rapinoe has been defeated by her own pet!

Unbelievable!

-You're so cute.

Uh, rematch comin' right at ya.

Huh? Huh?

Oh.

It's a mystery gift! Maybe it's a jetpack!

Soccer ball? Ugh, I already got one.

Give me that. Stop--

Nice try.

You wanna distract me so you can win tug-o-war.

It ain't happening, buster.

Bark all you want, won't convince me to turn around. Not gonna happen.

-McCready?

Uh, McCready? McCready!

-What even is that?

Some guard dog you are.

Where'd you go, little green guy?

Ugh, this job should be easy. It's, like, made for us!

I can't believe we lost him.

It's Zlatan! And you're surprised he's beating us?

-No sign of him. -Us either.

This makes no sense. He's gotta be around here somewhere.

Huh?

Hm. Suspicious billboard.

We've got to keep looking.

I vote for a 30-second sit break.

-Come on, Tai. -Horrible.

Oops. It was an accident.

Also, it wasn't real.

Nautai, why keep that inflated all the time?

First rule of whoopee cushion, keep it inflated all the time.

Huh. I thought it's never talk about whoopee cushion.

-That's the third. -What's the second?

I've already said too much.

Creature Catchers are currently out on an emergency.

Did you just say a glowing green slug?

From a football? Inside a present?

-We're on our way! -Do we have to?

Whatever that was, got to make sure it happens zero more times.

Must call stadium.

Find out who sent sluggy present.

Hey. Welcome to my joke shop.

Smell this flower.

-Ah! Got you. It's a snake.

This is no time for jokes. I need to use your phone.

Ooh, a joke phone?

A real phone.

Nope.

-But how about a whoopee cushion, eh?

No! Not again!

Hey, no need to mutate, buddy.

Hey, watch it! That Fabergé vomit is vintage!

Must keep control.

Cannot fully mutate!

Pinky!

At least some part of me is still normal.

Got to find out who sent me that present and then punch them in the face!

-Bouncy. Bouncy. Bouncy. Bouncy.

Okay, Nautai. No bigs. Just your all-time hero.

You good, Tai?

Nope, I have to scream.

Please don't.

Megan needs us.

And Nautai needs a selfie!

Hey, I'm over here.

Is it a talking statue? Are you a talking statue?

No. Over here!

Can I get a selfie?

Nautai, not the time.

Yeah, what she said. I'm hiding from a mutant slug.

Get out of here, it's too dangerous.

This thing's out for blood.

I'm waiting for highly capable creature catchers.

We are them.

You're highly capable?

Don't worry. We got this all taken care…

Slug!

Ah, so annoying.

Careful, it might look like a regular, slow slug,

but I assure you it moves very--

Get that slug off of there, stat.

Do not let it latch on.

Is it latching on? Did it latch on?

It latched on.

Don't worry, I'll rip that slug off and stomp it good.

Can I get a selfie?

Not the time!

-She's really upset.

-I think so!

Ew.

Still a fan though.

Come on!

Yah!

Yah!

She almost killed us.

-You okay, Tai? -Let's go!

Okay, guess she's fine.

Not only is he among the great artists of our time,

he's also a highly respected brain surgeon and a die-hard fan of soccer-football.

I'm proud to dedicate this new hospital to the esteemed

Dr. Weird Al Yankovic.

Mwah. Hey, y'all. I'd love to give a speech,

but we have a trauma patient who needs immediate attention.

Pinky!

Don't worry, pinky. I save you.

-Ah…

Nothing like performing a nice, delicate seven-hour surgery.

You're the best!

Thank you. Thank you.

I am happy to accept this research grant

on behalf of my wonderful, talented and humble self.

I'm in the middle of some mind-blowing genetic advancements

that will simply blow your minds!

Which I'm too busy with to waste time talking to you people.

-Ow!

Give me that oversized check!

And now the Mayor, Dr. Weird Al Yankovic!

Trusty shears, please.

I declare this Spatula Emporium open for business!

Spatulas! I love spatulas!

I love spatulas!

Hmm.

Mayor Weird Al is a lot nicer than scientist Weird Al.

Huh?

Mm.

-Hey, Zlatan! Stop!

A talking fire hydrant?

No!

A talking hat on a fire hydrant?

No, it's me.

Up here, on your head.

Ponytail?!

That's my name, don't wear it out.

Since when do you talk?

Since that mutant slug bit me.

He was supposed to latch onto your head but he latched onto me.

Now I can talk and feel and sing!

I got bad vibes about you going to Weird Al.

Allow me to explain through song!

Nah, nah, we don't have budget for musical number.

Look! Ponytail, I know you're tied tight, but loosen up a little!

Do what you do best. Hang around, look pretty.

That is what I do best. Still, you gotta trust me, Zlatan.

Ah. I need to find out what's going on with this guy.

Now pipe down, or I'll make you into a bun.

Ah! A man bun! Anything but that!

Yeesh, tall building. I ain't so good with heights myself.

-Uh?

-Oh. Whoa.

Ah!

Hey! Get your green, glowy paws off my snickerdoodles!

-Huh. She caught herself. -Mission accomplished.

Mission unaccomplished.

Can we ever run away?

Can I get a selfie?

Nautai, not the time!

She's not even here.

Sorry. I just… I love her so much.

Even as a rampaging slug mutant.

Everybody, keep your eyes peeled for two glowing green giants.

Huh?

Don't worry, we got this.

We've been in way scarier situations.

Like what?

Remember when we landed a plane? It was scary, but we did it!

O'Dang, that was a dream you had.

But still, we did it!

Ew!

-Come on! -Ew!

-Can I get a selfie? -Still not the time!

Zana, Palio. Ready stun sticks.

What? You can't stun-stick Megan. She's unstunnable!

We'll find out.

Ready, aim, fire!

Tai!

You got this, Tai!

Come on! Throw it!

I…

I can't…

I can't stun-bomb my hero!

Nautai, run!

-Get out of there! -What?

Oops.

Uh, don't think I'll bend that way!

-Eeh. -Oh.

Uh, uh…

Hey! Whoa!

Boy, am I glad the first rule of whoopee cushion

is keep it inflated at all times.

-Can I know the second rule yet? -Yes, my child.

Always keep a spare.

Deploy it again!

Stop hitting the whoopee!

It appears the sonic quality of the deployment triggers the mutation.

-Oh. -English, please.

Squeeze the whoopee, save the All-Stars.

Got it. The whoopee cushion is go.

Oops.

Present came from here.

If Mayor Weird Al did this, then he can reverse it!

-But I won't. -Huh?

Hello, Zlatan, my favorite mutant slug baby of all!

Zlatan is nobody's slug, baby!

Now spill the beans, Doctor-Mayor-Doctor Weird Al.

Why am I a mutant?!

I found an enzyme that makes talent tangible and extractable

with only a single side effect.

A hideous mutation?

-Let me finish!

A hideous mutation. The slug brings talent to the surface.

I extract it from you and inject it into me.

Then boom!

Weird Al is the All-Star Cup All-Star

of all All-Stars of all time star of all all-time star.

You're doing that by stealing Zlatan's soccer skills!

When you put it that way, it sounds positively brilliant.

If I do say so.

Yeah?

Sounds to me like it's not going to work out for you.

How did Weird Al do that? To Zlatan?

I have some of your fellow All-Stars to thank for these new soccer skills.

You stole All-Star talent already!

You monster!

Huh?

Huh?

And I'll be even stronger once I steal yours!

Evil maniacal laughter!

I think you're supposed to actually do the laugh.

I'm not your monkey, Zlatan!

Ow.

Good to go, Ms. Rapinoe. Thank you for choosing the Creature Catchers.

Hallelujah, happy holidays.

Felt kind of good destroying stuff. Eating cookies always feels good.

But I do not wanna mutate again.

Slugs shouldn't bother you anymore. Also…

…can I get a self--

Yes, already, jeez!

Selfie, selfie, selfie!

-You whoopee cushion kids saved my life. -We're not called that. We're actually--

-Hang on, whoopee cushion kids. Talk.

Oh, no.

Oh, no! There's a group of paranoid All-Stars down at the stadium.

They won't play till they know none of them is a mutant.

Don't worry, count on the whoopee cushion kids.

I mean, Creature Catchers. You and me will find Zlatan.

You go with Megan, make sure no All-Stars got slugged.

Once we do that, the game can go on.

I got a selfie. Mm.

Make it fast. All-Star Cup is in an hour.

Selfie, selfie, selfie!

I know I might sound insane, but I assure you…

Just kidding.

Look, I didn't set out to take all your talent. Just a drop, really.

I thought if I could have a drop of talent from each All-Star,

then I'd inject it into myself and become the greatest All-Star of all time.

The GASOAT, as it were.

You won't stop until you do this to every All-Star?

Only way to become the GASOAT is to mutate a few All-Stars.

Now if I could remove the slug that sucked up your talent,

I'll just take a drop and then be on my way…

Hey! Where's your slug?

Oh, it looks like it merged with your ponytail.

Fascinating.

Boo!

-Ya!

Run, Zlatan!

It talks?

Weird Al, meet Ponytail.

Ya-ta-ta-ta! Come on! We gotta go!

Ponytail, prepare to meet my trusty giant shears!

Goodbye, trusty shears!

Take that, Weird Al.

And take that, trusty shears.

Too bad I don't also have a trusty bone saw.

Oh, wait!

Toodle-oo, Ponytail.

Zlatan, don't let him cut me!

No!

-Got you!

Zlatan moves like a newborn. Why is this?

All your talent got sucked into here,

just waiting to be injected into yours truly.

What happened to taking just a drop? You promised.

I don't recall that.

Ta-da!

Ya!

Ya! Ya! Ya!

Oh!

Okay, Ponytail, give it up!

I stole that talent fair and square.

Stay back, Weird Al.

I'm a wild card.

A wild card, huh?

If I had a nickel for every time I heard a ponytail say that…

Oh, yeah? Well, now you're dealing with Zlatan's ponytail.

Wow. I kick exactly like you, Zlatan.

Sweet. Hey, if you can do Kung Fu, does that mean--

I can already tell you that-- Ow!

You have definitely inherited-- Ow!

Zlatan's Kung…

…Fu skills…

…in addition to his…

…magnetic gaze.

Wow, Zlatan, I never knew it'd feel this incredible

to be surging with so much concentrated talent.

And I never knew it would feel so awful having it taken away.

Huh. Hey, what are you doing?

Reattaching you. I want my talent back.

Let's not be too hasty here.

Oh, hey, look. Smoke bombs!

Quick, Zlatan, kick it away!

How did I miss that?

Because I have all your talent.

Don't be silly. Observe.

Told ya. You got no more talent.

You see? It's all inside me now!

Not for long, Ponytail. Yoink!

All that talent is about to go to its new home,

inside Weird Al!

-Zlatan…

Whoo!

I feel so

Zlatan-y!

Feels good to be the All-Star game All-Star of all All-Stars of all time!

You didn't earn that talent!

I'll earn bragging rights for stealing it. And a Nobel Prize, if there's any justice.

Anyway, victory awaits.

-Grappling accordion, away!

Zlatan!

Ponytail!

No. No, Ponytail!

Okay, y'all. Listen up. These weirdos may not look like much,

but the whoopee cushion kids are no joke, despite their joke-like name.

These two are going to tell you if you're a slug or not.

Okay, everybody. What we're about to do is serious business.

Is that a whoopee cushion?

-Indeed it is, soccer player number one. -What?

Now, before I explain, there's one thing I must get out of the way.

Can I get a selfie?

Hello? Already gave you one.

Right, sorry.

As soon as I deploy this whoopee cushion,

we'll discover if any of you is a hideous slug mutant.

Do you expect us to believe

that a fart bag will prove which of us is a "hideous slug mutant"?

Hey. These two were part of the team that saved me when I got slugged.

Give the whoopee cushion a chance.

Sounds like something a slug mutant would say.

Gee, you seem to know a lot about what slug mutants say, don't you?

-Maybe you're a slug mutant. -Mm.

-It's getting real! -I ain't a mutant!

-I always knew you were. -Stop fighting!

Look at you, turning on one another.

Soccer is a team sport, and whether you like it or not, you're still a team.

We'll conduct the test one at a time, in case you all got slugged.

I'm no mutant. You're wasting everyone's time!

Yeah. That's what all the mutants say.

Don't worry, Nautai. I got your back. Me and this broom.

Hello, I am not a mutant.

Squeeze the fart bag!

Is he mutating? Are you mutating? Hmm?

Oh, not a mutant! All good.

Phew!

Told ya! I knew the whole time.

All right, I'm up.

Don't worry, this will be quick and painless.

See, I told you I was…

…right!

Come on, Zlatan.

Kick it. You know you can kick it.

No!

Game starts in ten minutes. Keep your eyes peeled for Zlatan.

That crying hobo looks like Zlatan.

That crying hobo is Zlatan!

Zlatan?

No, just a pile of talentless skin, talentless bones, and no ponytail.

How does it look?

Uh… So how'd all this go down?

It's a tale as old as time.

Weird Al stole my talent to become

the All-Star Cup All-Star of all All-Stars of all-time.

And there's nothing I can do.

You can't just give up!

You're still Zlatan, with or without your talent.

Good point, but we've got to get to the stadium before Weird Al.

And I just learned to walk again.

You'll have to learn to do a lot of stuff again.

Now try to kick the ball.

Zlatan will not try to kick.

Zlatan will kick.

What's your problem?

It's cool.

We'll just take it slow.

Zlatan, we need you to juggle.

I can't, my talent has been stolen.

All I have now is my beauty.

Then you're gonna have to grow some new talent.

Again, please.

Again.

Hey! Keep it down out there!

Again.

Nice! You're doing it!

Get the ball from us.

But that seems so hard.

-'Tis a sad day. -Why's that, O'Dang?

Zlatan can't get a ball from two kids.

Hey, watch it! That's no way to speak to Zlatan.

Again.

Come on, Zlatan, you're the best.

Again. Please.

Again.

That's better.

Now I feel like Zlatan!

I would describe the feeling, but the world would die of envy.

Someone's back to normal.

Zlatan! Zlatan! Zlatan!

Attention, soccer-football fans, the game will begin in two minutes.

Also, has anyone seen Zlatan?

Zlatan! Zlatan!

I'm a mutant.

You totally fell for it.

Hey, Zlatan, what if we bring our buddies up to the field?

Time for the All-Stars to hit the field.

And we are short four players.

So you're gonna have to join us.

You've got the talent.

-You just need better uniforms.

It is time for an exterior establishing shot.

Now the interior, as the crowd goes wild,

and here come the All-Stars, inexplicably joined by four local youths.

I, for one, am here for it.

-Shouldn't we look for Weird Al? -And Ponytail?

You want to delay the game?

Point taken. Let's play some soccer!

Oh yes, let's.

Mutant Weird Al, showing off his talent, or rather,

every All-Star's talent.

Wow, impressive. You got skills, Weird Al.

Don't applaud, he's the villain!

Okay, everyone, listen up.

Okay, everyone listening?

-Speak up! -Can't hear you!

What?

I'm Rob Stone.

As you know, I've got more talent

than any of you could ever dream of having.

And I got to admit, it feels good.

-Poor form! -What she said!

Boo! You stink!

-Now, now, no need to get upset.

I'm going to give you a chance to win all your talent back.

A game.

On one team, all of you.

On the other team, me and a couple of slugs.

-You lose, I get all your talent.

And if we win?

Ha! Oh, you definitely will not win.

If we do, you give back every drop of talent you stole.

Deal! Or, I take all your talent anyway.

-What was that? -Nothing!

Game time!

Team mutant, assemble!

Gotta get Ponytail off Weird Al.

What about the game?

Yeah, we gotta do that too, at the same time.

Oh, right. Good thing it's not something difficult.

Let the game begin!

So here we are.

If this was a movie, this would be the climax at the end.

The crowd is electrified in anticipation of a battle

that can only be described as,

"What?"

On one side, Zlatan, Megan,

and those scrappy youths with hearts of gold.

On the other, Weird Al and his army of gelatinous mutants.

Who is going home with the All-Star Cup? I'm Rob Stone.

These mutant slugs are on the move,

much like Mannequin 2.

-Whoa! Zlatan limbos in for a steal! -Yeah!

Can the slugs limbo lower now?

Here comes Mutant Weird Al to show them how it's done mutant-style.

He's going for the goal.

Score!

First goal of the game goes to Weird Al. Look at that victory dance.

Say what you will about his evil agenda, the guy can butt bump.

-Score! Another goal!

The lord of the accordion and his gooey minions are just racking them up.

There's a lot of happy slugs out there.

Goal! Finally.

Zlatan scores and gets the All-Stars on the board.

Ya!

To me!

Weird Al is racking up the points.

Could this be the end of the line for our scrappy youths and their hearts of gold?

The chips are down. I dropped my bag of chips, and the All-Stars are losing.

I'm Rob Stone.

-Goal!

Rapinoe is adept at dodging these monstrosities…

Oh! And the monstrosity steals!

-Rapinoe is not going to stand for that. -Ew.

Oh, wow, that's… some grade-A funk right there.

Nautai dancing circles around these creepy slug things.

-She kicks, she scores!

-Yes! Yes!

We're at 7 to 3.

All-Stars creeping up on the creeps.

Rapinoe to Palio. Some deft footwork here by All-Star Palio.

He shoots, Palio scores!

-7 to 4.

Power block by Zana. Epic save.

Zlatan passes.

O'Dang is off and running, and goal!

-O'Dang kicks it up! We're at 7 to 5.

Fun fact, last week, these Creature Catchers wrangled

a baker's dozen of possums from my crawl space.

-Seven to six!

Seven to seven!

Yeah, yeah.

Rapinoe ties it up.

Now, let's see if the All-Stars can deliver it.

Zlatan's got that look in his eyes, he's got something to prove.

GASOAT!

GASOAT.

GASOAT?

It all starts with a ball, and a person, and their foot.

Zlatan gets ready, gets set, and he shoots…

-Keep it--

Thank you.

And Zlatan scores just in the nick of time!

-The All-Stars win it!

We're done here!

-Yes! -Yay! We won!

-Yes! Yes! Yes! -Yeah!

No, no, no, no, no!

I wanted to be the All-Star Cup All-Star of all All-Stars of all-time.

Now I'm just a doctor-mayor-doctor-mutant.

-Oh, that's it!

Hey, watch it, Ponytail, that hurts!

Doesn't hurt as much as losing!

You don't deserve all this talent. The real thing is always better.

Well, that was fun.

Glad I tried it, but it sure is…

great being back to normal. I--

Hey! Stop deflating me!

Ew, hair in my mouth.

Take that, Weird Al! Still a fan though.

You know, I thought I'd never want to leave the back of Zlatan's head.

Until I got all this talent.

Uh…

I was in the bathroom. What did--

What? Was it something I said?

So I look like this now.

-My appetizers!

-Get back here! You too, you two.

Where do you think you're going?

Runaway slugs! Don't mind if I do!

Good slugs!

Now for an All-Star main course!

Whoop!

Stop right there!

It appears as though I've had a change of…

-…fart.

Phew!

Yes, I stole people's talent using advanced genetics,

but I've seen the error of my brilliantly evil ways.

And now

it's time for a little redemption, Weird Al-style.

Hello, Ponytail.

-It's me, Doctor-Mayor-Doctor Weird Al.

Or as you might know me, Mama.

-I believe we can both be reasonable here. -Mama.

So that's what I raised? A ponytail who eats his own mother?

Fine. I hope I taste terrible.

Nope. Just weird.

See what I did there?

Talking with your mouth full? Who raised you?

Oh, guess it was me.

More nuanced and complex than I initially realized.

Anyway, who wants to get eaten next?

You want to eat them?

You start right here with Zlatan.

Zlatan!

I'll give you one last chance.

Take me back.

Well, I'm kind of seeing someone.

No, I meant reattach me to your head.

I came to life from just one drop of your talent.

Imagine what we could do with every drop of every All-Star's talent.

And now also Weird Al's talent.

Come on, Zlatan. Together, we can be the greatest of all time.

G-O-A-T. GOAT!

No goats, just Zlatan.

Be both!

Just reattach me.

Talent is in here waiting for you to soak it up.

Come on.

Just think, we'll be the ultimate All-Star.

Zlatan already is the ultimate All-Star!

Oh, maybe out here.

But let's see how ultimate you are

inside my guts!

Puke him up, Ponytail!

Oh, I don't think so!

In fact, I still have room for more!

I'm so hungry I could eat David Beckham's talent.

Hey! Hey, what are you weirdos doing?

Curse you, Rapinoe!

Let's go!

Ow!

Zlatan!

Yes!

-Zlatan! Zlatan! Zlatan! -Yes, yes, yes!

-Zlatan, yes! -Woo-hoo!

Wait! What about Weird Al?

Guess he didn't make it.

Take that, green glowing slug of death. I escaped!

Through a hole Zlatan kicked in his belly?

Hole? In its belly?

Wonderful!

No. I didn't know about the belly hole.

This, uh, is the first time I'm hearing about that. Hmm.

-Does anyone have a mint?

Here you go, Doctor-Mayor-Doctor-Mister Al.

Please, we're friends now.

Just call me Doctor-Mayor-Doctor Weird.

Okay, see… Hmm.

Oh. Yeah.

-Ah. -You know what? Here. They're yours.

Oh no, I couldn't.

Please, save me the trouble of throwing them in the trash.

Wow, that was impressive.

You played one monster of a game.

The All-Stars win it.

I'm Rob Stone, and that is game.

For all creature-catching needs, be sure to call…

Creature Catchers!

Creature Catchers rule! Woo-hoo!

Pass it to me!

Over here!

Yes!

-Selfie, selfie, selfie!

I got this.

All right!

Whoa.

Keep it down--

Sequel time.

Hello, I am Zlatan, as if you didn't know.

Uh, Netflix asked me to reassure younger viewers

who are concerned for Zlatan's safety.

This is just a silly story.

Zlatan is perfectly safe.

-See, no slug on my ponytail.

Slug on my ponytail! Get it off!

It's real! So real!