All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s03e22 The Candid Commercial.eng

♪♪

[barks]

[Jacqueline] The Convent San Tanco
is founded solidly on faith.

But everything else
is falling apart.

And in spite of everything
we could do,

the latest item on
the critical list seemed to be

our over-age and overworked
washing machine.

I think the machine
has kicked the basket.

Well, it certainly does
make sense.

Oh, it does work.

But look at the work it does.

[Jacqueline] The backup equipment in
the laundry wasn't automatic,

but at least
it wasn't likely to break down,

unless we did.

Our dryer wasn't automatic,
but it was reliable.

The Tradewinds.

♪♪

Sister,
where are you going?

To get a new washing machine.

This is ridiculous.

Now the way I figure it,

with the new tax bill
just passed in Washington,

you can't afford not to buy us
a new washing machine.

If you buy it
in your name-- Okay.

- -you can call it
a business expense,

and depreciation--
Sister Bertrille--

Hold it!

You want
a new washing machine.

Oh, desperately.

Okay. That's good
enough for me.

Oh, Carlos!
Only yesterday,

they opened a new laundromat
on Carillo Avenue.

Here.

Use it in good health.

Your problems are over.

[Jacqueline] Carlos was only
a hundred percent wrong.

Her problems
were only beginning.

♪♪

♪♪

Harry, when are we
gonna knock off?

When somebody comes in with
the right detergent, Eddie.

All I want is
one beautiful take,

then we need the film
to be processed,

and it's off
to the Casino Carlos.

You know, I'm not so sure
I trust those little casinos.

Well, I know Carlos,
and believe me,

you can trust him
with anything except women.

Harry, look!

A nun.

A nun with
a box of Delight.

Get on the camera,
Eddie.

We-- We struck it rich.

Let me help you
with that, Sister.

Thank you very much.

I think the last machine
was-- Is empty.

Oh, good.

Here we go.

Thank you.

Oh, well, I, uh,
I see you're using Delight.

Is it any good?
Oh, yes, I like it.

It does half the scrubbing
for you.

Yes, but does it have ZYX,

or any of those
miracle ingredients in it?

For all I know, it may just have
soap in it, but it works great.

Sister, you ought to try
some of this, Rubbadubdub.

Rubbadubdub?
Are you kidding?

What's wrong?
Well, I don't know what--

Rubbadubdub
three men in a tub.

It sounds like a soap for people
rather than clothes.

I happen to like Rubbadubdub.

A lot a lot a lot, huh?

Well, it has a nice beat,

but I'd rather
stick with Delight.

Well, uh, maybe Delight
doesn't have XYZ

or ultra-hyper chloral
stain getter-outer in it,

but, uh, does yours
get 'em this white, hmm?

Sister, you are
absolutely right.

Hmm, I thought
it would surprise you.

And now it is my turn
to surprise you.

Sister, you have been doing
a candid TV commercial

for Delight,
and there is our camera.

Oh, a camera!

Oh, and you've been filming
everything?

And recording it too.

Oh, I'm so embarr--
Oh, oh!

What did I do?
What did I say?

How do I look? How's my hair?
I don't know what I--

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, you're joking.
No, you're not joking!

You know, if I'd known,
I'd been so nervous.

I just don't...

That's quite all right.

I'm sure you can see
this has been

a completely spontaneous
interview with-- With-- With--

What is your name?

Sis-- Sister Bertrille.

Where are you from?

Oh! The Convent San Tanco.

[laughing]
The Convent San Tanco.

Cut.

Please cut, Eddie.

Well, heh, Sister,
I wanna tell you,

you have been very honest
in giving us your opinion.

And now I have
another surprise for you.

Oh-- Oh, no.
How would you like to have

this brand-new
washing machine?

Oh! Oh!

I don't believe it.

Why you're the answer
to all my prayers.

Congratulations, Sister.

And a year's supply of Delight!

Oh! Is that supply for just me,
or for the whole convent?

There's quite a difference.

Hey, you drive a pretty hard
bargain, Sister.

Well,
they've told me that before.

Well, it'll be a year's supply

for the whole convent,
of course.

Oh! It's so wonderful.

Oh, thank you so much.

Quite all right, Sister.
Oh!

Now, if you will just
sign this release,

I'll make sure
that the, uh, the--

The washer and the Delight
is sent over to the convent

in a few days.
Oh! Thank you.

You know, I was wondering
what a nice man like you

was doing in the laundry
at this hour.

I've done everything
I could, Reverend Mother,

but that machine--
[rhythmic knock on door]

know that knock.

Come in.

Reverend Mother,
wait till you hear.

You know what happened to me
today?

I was going--
Sister Bertrille,

just one moment,
please.

Continue,
Sister Jacqueline.

Well, that machine has problems
I can't lick with a hammer,

a pair of plyers,
or a bailing wire.

I think it's beyond
the power of prayer too.

I tried.

Reverend Mother,
the thing I want--

Sister Bertrille,
you are interrupting.

Well, Sister Jacqueline,

we simply cannot afford
a new washing machine.

Reverend Mother, please.

What we need is a miracle.

I've got one! I've got one!

A miracle
or a washing machine?

Both!

Reverend Mother,
look at this.

How does that grab you?

Excuse me.
I mean...

Ooh.

Whom do we have to thank
for this, uh,

latest of your accomplishments?
Me!

Well, when I walked into
the laundry,

I happened to walk right into
a TV candid camera commercial.

With the man there.
He says:

"Hello, Sister.
Can I help with your laundry?

I see you use Delight."

I say, "I happen
to be Delighted with it."

He says, "Well,
have you tried Rubadub?"

I say, "No,
I'd rather fight then switch.

I'd walk a mile
for Delight.

It makes my teeth brighter,
gives me less cavities.

It's good, down
to the very last drop."

Or whatever I said.
Something like that.

Anyway, I said
all the right things,

and he's sending us
a free, new washing machine

and a year's supply of Delight.

That's 52 cartons.
Not boxes, mind you. Cartons.

It's enough detergent to wash
all of Puerto Rico.

Sister Bertrille,
I realize that

a free washing machine must
seem like a wonderful thing.

Seem like?
It isa wonderful thing.

Not necessarily.

Personally, I do not believe

that anyone
in the religious life

should appear on television

recommending
a commercial product.

Oh, but it's--
It's the latest model.

I'm not even sure
I can run a new machine.

And it has all the decorator
colors, you see.

[Reverend Mother] you are missing the point.

The Convent San Tanco is not
available for testimonials.

I'll never do it again,
Reverend Mother.

Sister Bertrille,
you will not do it this time.

You can't mean
we aren't going to accept it.

I can. And I do.

You did not sign anything?

[sighs]

Sister Bertrille,
tomorrow morning,

you will kindly request that
the gentleman release you

from you commitment.

Yes, Reverend Mother.

Brand new one.
A year's supply of soap.

♪♪

[Jacqueline] The next day, Sister Bertrille
dutifully, if unwillingly,

tracked down Harry Madison
to his hotel.

Mr. Madison,
am I glad to see you.

Sister Bertrille, I have been
watching you all morning,

and you are
absolutely marvelous.

Excuse me,
please. Oh.

You have-- You have
warmth and charm and--

And you're just
loaded with sales appeal.

Oh, it's killing me,
Mr. Madison.

There's gonna be a lot of
happy advertising men

in New York tomorrow.

Well, that's nice.
But you--

Maybe when they see this,
you know, I--

I'll graduate to
automobile commercials,

then beer commercials.
And who knows,

from there,
feature films.

What's the matter?

The Reverend Mother
won't let me do it.

Well, why not?
It's in good taste.

Wait a minute.

Does-- Does she want to get
into the commercial too?

No.
But you see, when you're a nun,

you can't do things
that ordinary people can do,

because you're a representative
of the church.

All you said was
you liked Delight.

You do like it,
don't you?

Well, yes, but--
Oh, I don't know.

They just have all sorts
of rules, and--

Well, I just can't do
the commercial.

Well, you've already done it,
Sister.

Well, I know it's awful,
but you'll just have to undo it.

I-- I can't do that.

But you have to.
Sister,

he film's already been
processed and cut.

A lot of money
has gone into it.

Well, yes, but, please!

It's impossible.

Oh, wait till the Vatican
hears about this.

They have
pretty good connections.

They're not on Madison Avenue,
Sister.

We're gonna go ahead
with this.

Well, you better tell
those advertising men

not to stick their heads
outside a window

during
a lightning storm.

[Jacqueline] When Sister Bertrille
is troubled,

flying over the green mountains
and along the seashore

clears her mind.
Flying the way she does

would only clutter up my mind
with fear.

Then a way out
of her predicament

came to her
in one word...Carlos.

I-I begged,
I pleaded with him.

I even threatened him,
and he still said no.

Well, Harry has a job to do,
and he has to do it.

Harry?
You mean you know him?

Yeah, he was here
in the casino last night.

He was here before
on vacation.

Oh, great. You can tell him
he can't use the commercial.

Oh, no, Sister Bertrille,
that is his business.

I cannot tell him that
any more than he could tell me:

"Carlos, stop gambling.

Just serve dinners and
soft drinks, and go broke."

I'm not a syndicate.

But it's partly
your responsibility.

I mean, you're the one
that led me

to that-- That den
of soap bubbles.

I didn't tell you
to get into a commercial.

Those are the chances
you take

when you go into
a strange laundry.

You might win
a washing machine.

Heh-heh-heh...
What am I laughing at?

I might get kicked out
of the convent for this.

For being in a commercial?

Well, if I were some kind of
a kooky character like--

Like in a go-go dance
or something,

then no one would mind.
But I'm a nun.

You're also a little kooky.

Well, what can I do?

Oh, Carlos, please, say
you'll do something about it.

Sister Bertrille, I--
But Carlos,

Say it
even though you don't mean it.

Even though you're not really
gonna do anything.

You're my only ray of hope.

I try.

Oh, Carlos, thank you.
You're a real pal.

I'm also a sucker.

Carlos, even if you're not
gonna do anything about it,

would you kinda hurry it up?

[sighs]

♪♪

[phone rings]

Hello?

Harry?

This is Carlos Ramirez.

You are leaving us tonight, huh?
Yeah, right, I am.

Well, before you go, I--

Let me start that another way.

Uh, I've always been
a great fan of yours.

You know, you do some of
the most interesting commercials

on the air.
That's very flattering, Carlos.

And I have an idea in mind

that I think might be
very interesting to you.

Well, I'd like to,
uh, like to hear that.

Do you think you can
come over around, uh, 5:00?

We have a couple drinks, and
I tell you what's on my mind.

Sure. Fine. I'd love to.

Okay. Bye-bye.

♪♪

[phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, Reverend Mother,

this is Carlos Ramirez.

Uh, I have some clothes
I collected for the convent.

Would you ask Sister Bertrille
to come by and pick them up

a little after 5?

Thank you, SeñorRamirez.

That's very nice of you.

Uh, she will be there at 5:00,
hm?

No, no, no.
A little after 5.

Oh, very well.
A little after 5.

Thank you again,
SeñorRamirez.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Now, for instance...
[grunts]

...the commercial you did
for peanut butter, remember?

When the boy get stuck
in the roof of his mouth,

and he cannot talk?

I thought it was so funny.

Every time I think about it,
I have to laugh.

[chuckles]
Well, you know, you--

You've got appeal
for those things, Carlos.

And then that one when the--
The man can't stop coughing,

and he coughs and coughs
and coughs,

until somebody comes
and gives him some cough syrup.

I thought it was brilliant.
[Harry] Was that the--

Was that the politician
making the speech

or the, uh, the--
The quarterback in the huddle?

Or the minister
christening the-- The baby?

[Carlos] That was the one.
Harry, I don't know

if you realize that those
are works of genius.

You know, you should be doing
better things,

where you can really
be appreciated.

Well, it has crossed my mind,
Carlos.

Comedy specials, features,

directing for the theater,
foreign films.

What the world needs now...

[knocks on door]
Yes?

It's Sister Bertrille.
The door's locked.

Yes, I know.
Just a moment.

Excuse me for a moment.

That's Sister Bertrille,
the nun?

Well...

you might say that.

♪♪

Here.
Thank you.

Carlos, have you done
anything about-- Shh, shh!

I'm working on it.
Let's not talk about it now.

How are things
at the convent?

Well, fine, except for
the jam that I'm in.

Yeah, I imagine,
you must be on the spot.

[Bertrille] Yes, I-- I thank you
for the clothes.

I have--
[Carlos] Oh, Sister Bertrille,

uh, ahem, you know,
you amaze me.

Why do you say that?

Well, the life you used to lead

with the old gang,

and now a nun.

[Bertrille] I don't regret it.
[Carlos] I hope not.

No.
Now, do your old friends

still look for you?

[Bertrille] I don't think so.

I-I've pretty well dropped
out of sight by now.

Well, we appreciate--
Uh, Sister Bertrille,

don't you miss the other life,
when it was go-go all the time?

[Bertrille] What's all this talk
about my past?

You're right.
I shouldn't even mention it.

Have you done any flying
lately?

Well, I did do
a little bit around noon.

There was
this unpredictable wind,

I tore my sleeve
on this weather vane.

I had--
[Carlos] I imagine it might be

very, very bad for you,
flying up there all by yourself.

Well, you know,
actually, it's funny,

but I get much more
nervous in an airplane.

[Carlos] Ooh!
[Bertrille] I have to be going.

The bishop is coming to dinner,
and I don't want to be late.

Do you think the Reverend Mother
would tell him about you?

Well, no,
she's no squealer.

[Carlos] Good.

See you later.
Bye.

Oh, sorry for
the interruption.

You know, I think you should
really work for the theater.

I appreciate it
very much, Carlos,

and I'll give it
my serious consideration.

Did you say that was
Sister Bertrille? Oh, yes.

A man with your talent can do
a lot of thi-- Tell me, uh,

tell me just a little bit
about her, would you?

Well, the less I say,
the better.

Uh, Carlos, I did a candid
commercial with her.

She-- She is a nun, isn't she?

Well...

What do you men "well"?

Nothing. Just...

Well.

Carlos...

we can't afford to have any, uh,

any fakes in our commercials.

So just go ahead and tell me,

what was all that talk
about flying?

Now, going back
to what I was saying--

Let's not go back.

Just tell me. She really
believes she can fly, right?

She does, right? She does.

She does.

She doesn't. She doesn't.

She's a little kooky.

But it's harmless.

Harmless?

For her being a nun...

I don't think
I should tell you this.

Carlos, I've gotta know.

Quite confidentially.

Now, if you say this to anyone,
can be very dangerous.

She is a go-go dancer.

That sweet kid is a go-go--
No, no.

A wholesome go-go dancer.

Wait. There was something
in the papers the other day

about a go-go dancer.

No, she's the girlfriend of--
Of the underworld character

from New Orleans,
the one who disappeared?

Well, I-I didn't say it.
You did.

She's a missing witness
in a racketeering case.

The authorities want her
to testify,

and a syndicate
wants her rubbed out.

Harry, Harry,
she's gone straight.

All my--
My beautiful film.

The nuns took her in

because they think
she's essentially a good girl.

That's the contract.
Yeah.

You can imagine
what can happen to her

if you mention this
to anyone.

Yeah.

You have anything
stronger than this?

Yeah.

I'll keep it.

[whines]

Well, thanks a lot,
but I've already had my dinner.

[dog whines]
Oh, okay.

I'll have it
for a midnight snack.

Ugh. Thanks a lot.

[whines]
No, I-- I don't wanna do any tricks.

Besides,
you never get 'em right.

[barks]

Okay. Just one,
and then that's it.

Okay.

Gimme your paw.
Gimme your paw.

You actually did it.
I don't believe it.

You did it!

Ugh! Paint.

That's a very stupid
practical joke, Horatio.

[phone rings]
Uh... Uh...

Hello? Convent San Tanco?

I just poured Harry Madison
into bed,

and you can stop worrying.

He's not going to use
your commercial.

Oh, thank heavens.

Don't think heavens, thank me.

Oh, thank you, Carlos.

Thank you so much.
How did you do it?

Well,
it's better if you don't know.

He has to shoot again at
the laundry day after tomorrow.

And would you
please stop bothering me?

Oh, Carlos,
you're an absolute doll.

Goodbye.

Yes, I am.

[Reverend Mother] Come in.

Oh. Uh...

Your Excellency,
I would like you

to meet Sister Bertrille.

Good evening,
Sister.

Good evening,
Your Excellency.

Oh, we were discussing
the situation

with this
TV commercial.

That's exactly
what I've--

And I see nothing
so very wrong about it.

You don't?

You mean you do, don't you?
[Bishop] No.

The church is cognizant
of the times.

I believe, uh, the Most Reverend
Fulton Sheen had a sponsor.

You did it in good faith.
You do use the product.

And besides, it is for
the benefit of the convent.

Joy.

I am afraid in my desire
to do the right thing,

I have been overly cautious.

Oh, no, Reverend Mother.
You were right.

Well, Sister Bertrille,
this must make you very happy.

When will the machine
be arriving?

Who knows?

Maybe never.

Really, it's-- It's okay
if you use the commercial.

Believe me,
I wouldn't think of it.

But why?
Well, I-- I just don't wanna

get you in trouble.
But it's okay.

The bishop even said so.
What does he know about it?

Everything. In this
diocese, he's the big wheel.

Yeah, well, uh, still,
I-- I couldn't do it, Sister.

Well, you've got to.
You made me stick to the deal,

so I'm gonna make you
stick to it.

Sister, I checked with
my superiors in New York,

and they told me that
if we use a nun,

we'll get requests from
Protestants for equal time,

then we'll get
the same request

from Jews, Buddhists,
and Muslims.

Maybe even, who knows,
the Zoroastrians.

Well, fine. Give them
a new washing machine too.

No. You see, our-- Our position
is that Delight is, um,

is a non-sectarian product,

and, uh, and, therefore,
I can't-- I can't do it.

Come on. Tell me
what Carlos said to you.

I-- I'll be frank.
I asked him to talk to you.

Well, he, uh, you know,
um, he maybe--

He mentioned you flying.

Oh, boy. He shouldn't have.
That's a secret.

Oh, well, believe me,
it'll remain secret.

Well, yes, but--
I mean, Sister,

do you realize

this commercial's gonna be seen
by millions of people,

and, uh, people who know you
will, heh, know where you are.

Yes, and maybe some of them
might try to come and see me.

But I don't care,

because the convent needs
a washing machine.

And you'd sacrifice yourself?

Well,
when you join a convent,

sacrifice
is the name of the game.

Yeah, well, under
the circumstances, um...

Uh, we won't use the film,
okay?

But, uh, since you feel
that way about the convent,

well, I, uh... I'll see that
you get the washing machine

and the year's supply
of Delight anyway.

Oh, Mr. Madison,
thank you so much.

You've saved my life.

Yeah, well, that was, uh...

The way things were looking,

I thought I was gonna get
completely rubbed out.

Thank you again so much.

♪♪

Now, all you have to do
is go in there

and tell them how good
you think Delight is,

and then maybe
they'll give us a dryer

to go along with
our washing machine.

Besides, I always wanted
to be on television.

And not only that,
we wash the walls with it

and the floors
and the dishes.

The kids blow bubbles
with it.

That's great--
And-- I'm not finished yet.

And it's
a great shampoo.

We tried it
on the dog first,

and now he smells like
a bundle of fresh laundry--

Thank you, but--
Eddie, press--

He's a very small dog.
[whistles] Cut, Eddie.

What are you doing here?

Well, you see, we like
the new washing machine so much,

I thought we'd try for
a new dryer, heh.

Then I wouldn't have to
fly up to the steeple

and hang the wet sheets
up there.

Yes.

Sister, how am I gonna get
my commercials done

if you and the Sisters
keep interrupting me?

Well, maybe Sister Sixto
isn't right.

I said a lot of good things.

Sister Jacqueline will be
coming along in a minute

with a big bag of laundry.

And she is fantastic.

If you don't like her, there's--
[Harry] Stop.

Stop. Boy, they--

They really taught you
how to organize, didn't they?

All right.
I get the message.

You get the dryer.
Now would you please--

Would you please
just get out of here

and let me get my work done,
please?

Oh, Mr. Madison.

Thank you so much.
And listen,

if you're ever doing
a commercial for cars,

we can always use
a new station wagon.

Thank you very much.
We're fond... Thank you.

Okay.

♪♪

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0