All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s03e14 Dear Aggie.eng

["The Flying Nun" theme plays]

[barking]

♪♪

[Sister Jacqueline] D-Day at the convent.

The D stood for Delphina,
our pet cat.

It also stood
for departed, disappeared

or just plain deserted.

In any case,
Delphina was missing,

and we were searching for her

with everything
from primitive lures

to modern scientific technology

to a little trick
even science didn't know about.

Sister Sixto, I--

I see something moving
in the bushes behind you, over.

I can't see anything over.
I'll try under.

Delphina,
we know you're in there.

Come on out.

Come on.
Come on...

I believe I'm the only one here,
Sister Bertrille.

It's Delphina. She's lost.
We've looked for her everywhere.

There must be something else
we can do.

I thought about putting
an ad in the paper.

You know, "cat lost."
Hey, that's a good idea.

And maybe we can offer a reward.

A little one.
Well, perhaps.

A very little one.

[Delphina meows]

Oh!

[Sister Sixto] There she is.

[Sister Bertrille] You mean there they are.

Oh, dear. How beautiful.

She's had her babies.

Well, at least we've saved

the cost of a newspaper ad.

I don't think so,
Sister Jacqueline.

Instead of one "cat lost,"

make it
"available: six kittens."

That ad brought more results
than we expected.

It took the kittens
off our hands

but left us holding
a tiger by the tail.

♪♪

♪♪

[knocks softly]

Excuse me.

Could you tell me
where I could find

the, uh, classified ad
department?

Right down the hall, Sister.
Okay.

Oh, Sister, excuse me.

I wonder if you would
answer a question for me.

What kind of question?
Well, excuse me, Sister.

Why don't you sit down?

It's, uh, more
of a personal problem.

Sit down.

That's right.

Now, let's say a certain man

got so drunk he didn't know
what he was doing,

and when this certain man
was in this condition,

this man proposed
to three different women.

Well, you certainly do
have a problem there.

No, no, you haven't heard
the problem yet.

The question is--
Which one should he marry?

No. Should he tell his wife?

You have a wife too?

Oh, my goodness.
How could you do such a thing?

No, no, no, Sister.
This isn't about me.

No, I don't even have a wife.
No, this is a problem

that was sent in
by one of our readers.

To the Sports Department?

What happened to those
kind of questions like,

"Who was on first?" and--
Well, you see, Sister,

it happens that I'm not just
the editor in chief

of the Sports Department.

It happens I'm also Dear Aggie.

You?
Si.

After 22 years,
she found a husband and quit,

so now I'm stuck with it.
Well, maybe after 22 years,

you'll find yourself a wife.
And get myself into trouble

like this poor guy?
No, thank you. Heh.

It wasn't his wife
that got him into trouble,

it was his drinking.
Si.

But who drove him to it, huh?

I can see with your ideas,
you're going to write

a very interesting column.
Now, look, Sister,

I'm used to writing about
home runs, not home wreckers.

That's why
I asked you to help me.

Now, what do I suggest
to this lover boy?

Well, tell him
to tell her the truth

and hope she forgives him.
No, no.

This is what he writes.

"P.S.,I would rather
not tell my wife what happened.

She objects to my drinking."
Swell.

Have him tell her
he proposed to three women

while he was sober. I think
she'd rather have him drinking.

Hey. Say, that's a great idea.

Now he don't have to sneak out
to a bar to get drunk.

He could get drunk at home.

The only woman he can
propose to is his own wife.

Sister, I think
you just saved a marriage.

♪♪

Sister Bertrille? Excuse me.

There's someone here to see you.

Señor? Mister?

Oh! Señor Malinas,

how good to see you.
Hello.

Sisters, this is
Señor Rickie Malinas,

the sports writer
I was telling you about.

How do you do?
Oh, yes, hello.

Well, how's "Dear Aggie," huh?

[chuckles]

Oh, I'm beginning to get
some reader response.

I broke up an engagement,
started a family feud,

put two marriages
on the rocks...

and I got this
while trying to stop

a neighborhood disagreement.

With a little bit
of practice,

I could probably start
World War III.

Looks like you don't need
any practice.

Maybe you should
just stick to sports.

Exactly why I'm here.

Sister, how would you like

to write my column for me?
Me?

Oh, well, that's impossible.

I-- I--
I don't mean permanently.

Just until the paper hires
someone else.

But why me?

Because there is
only one question

I answered
that didn't start any trouble.

And that was
the question you answered.

Oh, well, that was just luck.
I really can't help you.

I'm just not qualified.
You mean you're turning me down?

Well... Well, Señor Malinas...

He's crying.

He must be
a very sensible man.

"Sensitive."

Señor, you mustn't cry.
I can't help it.

It's the kittens.

Oh, we were both right.

He's both sensible
and sensitive.

You mean you're allergic?

Si.
The kittens are making me cry.

Oh, well, they're making us
pretty sad too.

If we don't find a home
for them,

we'll have to send them
to the animal shelter.

Better take them
to another room.

Wait a minute, Sister.

Look, I'm a sportswriter,

so I'll make you
a sporting proposition.

You write my column for me,

I'll find a home
for those cats.

When?
I'll take them with me now.

Well, what about your allergy?

It's worth a few tears not
to have to write that column!

What do you think, Sisters?

Well, as he says,

it would probably
only be temporary.

And for the kittens
in an animal shelter,

it might be permanent.

Well, okay, it's a deal.

Great, Sister.
Here are the letters.

"Dear Aggie, I recently met
a man I like very much.

After only one date,
he sent me a gift,

an inexpensive charm bracelet

that sells for 3.98
approximately."

I wonder
what the exact price was.

"Is it proper for me
to accept this gift?

Signed, Uncertain." I think she
should mail the bracelet back.

A 3.98 bracelet?
The postage would come to more.

That's not the point. She's had
only one date with the man.

But if she sends it back,
she may not get another.

Well, that's the chance
she'll just have to take.

If he really cares for her,
he'll understand.

And if he doesn't understand,

then maybe
he doesn't respect her.

And for a girl to learn all that
for 3.98 is a bargain.

♪♪

"To a wonderful friend." Hmm.

Oh, Roberto, do you know
how this got on my desk?

I put it there.

Why, thank you.
That's very nice of you.

Are men wearing
charm bracelets now?

I thought
it was just love beads.

Carlos, I didn't mean
for you to wear it.

Oh.
I wanted your advice.

About the bracelet?
Sort of.

I gave it to a girl
to wear last weekend,

and she sent it back
with this letter.

Oh. Hold that.

Uh-huh.
"Dear Roberto, I don't think

we know each other
well enough for me to accept

even such an expensive gift--"
Inexpensive.

Inexpensive? Oh.

"If you respect me,
you'll understand

why I'm returning it.
Your friend, Margareta."

What do you think
she's getting at?

How much did you pay for that?

Three ninety-eight.
That's what she's getting at.

How can you send a girl
something so cheap?

You said it was nice.
You didn't think it was cheap!

Well, I'm not your girlfriend.
I'm your boss.

I know how much you make.

Now, this girl obviously has
very expensive tastes.

If you want to make
an impression on her,

you have to do
much better than 3.98.

On what I make?!

Are you discussing
your girlfriend

or asking me for a raise?

It looks like the two
are connected.

If you wanted to impress a girl

without spending
much money on her,

Carlos, what would you do?

Well, I don't know. I think
the cheapest thing to do

would be to take her
on my yacht.

Well, you see
where that leaves me.

Okay.

I get the message.

Here.
What is this?

The keys to my boat.

Maybe you can get
your romance off the ground

by taking a trip on the water.

♪♪

[Sister Bertrille] Sisters?
Hm?

Look, our first "Dear Aggie"
fan mail. Heh.

Remember that girl that signed
her letter "Uncertain"?

Oh, the one you advised
to return the 3.98 bracelet?

Right.
Listen to what she writes here.

Ahem. "Dear Aggie,
your advice was perfect.

I returned the bracelet
as you suggested,

and the next thing I knew,
my boyfriend invited me

for a cruise on his yacht."

He owns a yacht and he gave her
a 3.98 charm bracelet?

Well, it's the thought
that counts.

I wonder what
he could've been thinking.

"My problem now is that I've
never been on a yachting cruise,

and I don't know what to wear
or what to take along.

Can you help me?"
Mm.

Oh, I guess she should
take along a bathing suit.

Right?
We're not supposed to guess.

We're supposed to know.

Well, the way to know
is to ask.

And when it comes to problems
involving girls on yachts,

the one to ask is
the world's foremost authority.

Now, what should a girl
take along on a yachting cruise?

Hmm. What is she, a nun,
a novice or a Reverend Mother?

Oh.

This one's a civilian.

Oh. Well, in that case,

I think she should take along
a bathing suit,

uh, shorts, a blouse,

scarf for her hair

and something warm
in case it gets rough.

Wait a second. I've got to get
this all down now.

Now, if she's smart,
she takes along her mother.

Her mother?
Mm-hm.

In case it reallygets rough.

She brought her mother along?

What for?

For the whole trip.
[chuckles]

Were you able to be any time
alone with the girl?

I don't want to criticize,
Carlos,

but your boat
wasn't big enough.

My boat wasn't big enough?
With her mother along,

the Queen Marywouldn't be
big enough.

It was always the three of us
crowded together.

If I tried to kiss Margareta,

I got her mother instead.

You mean to tell me
nothing happened?

Well, I kissed
her mother three times.

You should have
thrown her overboard.

I couldn't do that
to an old lady.

I don't mean the old lady.
I mean the girl.

If you know what's good for you,
you will throw her overboard.

Carlos, she's so beautiful.

It doesn't do you any good.

It's her mother you're kissing.

What ever made her
bring her mother along?

She says she was told to.

By whom?
By Dear Aggie.

You know, the one who gives
the advice in the newspaper.

Oh, yeah.

Somebody should give her
some advice...

to mind her own business.

She's supposed to solve
people's problems,

but the only problem I had
was the one she gave me.

Oh, of all the crazy,
idiotic things to tell a girl.

Especially my girl.

I know you tried
to help me, Carlos,

but thanks to Dear Aggie,

the only pleasure I got
from that pleasure cruise

was when it ended.
Well, that settles it!

I'm going to find Dear Aggie.

I'm going to tell her
she's in the wrong job.

A newspaper writer
is supposed to report the news,

not make it!

Here. Wrong one.

♪♪

♪♪

Yes?

Oh, I'm sorry, I think I have
the wrong department.

I was looking for Dear Aggie.

Wait a minute, señor.

I am she.
I don't believe it!

I guess you're surprised
to find that Aggie is a man, eh?

I am also very glad. This way,
I don't have to pull my punches.

Now, señor, I think maybe
you've got the wrong Aggie.

Okay, who is the real Aggie,
and where can I find her?

I'm sorry, señor.
This I cannot tell you.

Not even to a big advertiser
in this newspaper?

How big?

Carlos Ramirez.
You might be familiar

with my gambling casino.
[sighs]

Too familiar.
I'm sorry, Señor Ramirez,

but you won't find her here.
You see, she's a Sister.

A relative, huh?
Hmph, it figures.

No, no, I don't mean
that kind of a sister.

I mean she's a nun.

A nun? Oh, no, no.

That's impossible.
Yes, you see,

this very nice young nun
writes the column for us.

But more than this,
I cannot tell you.

I don't think you have
to tell me anything else.

Thank you.
But she loves Roberto!

You shouldn't have interfered.

I interfered?!

Reverend Mother,
how do you like that?

Now it's all my fault!

There is absolutely no point

in pursuing this argument.

I think we can agree

that Sister Bertrille's
Dear Aggie days are over.

And there will be no more
letters of advice.

With all due respect,
Reverend Mother,

I think there should be
one more letter.

To Roberto's girlfriend.

You should've heard her
on the phone, Carlos,

the way she apologized

and promised to trust me
from now on.

That's fine.
Are you going to see her again?

She invited me to dinner
at her house Thursday.

Her house? With her whole family
hanging around, right?

You're going to be
kissing her mother again.

I thought of that, but I didn't
want to make trouble.

What trouble? She promised
to trust you, right?

Now, call her and tell her
that dinner is at your house.

My house?
Of course.

It will be much better that way.

You know,
you turn the lights down

and you put some, uh,
soft music in the background.

Carlos, you never saw
my apartment.

What's wrong
with your apartment?

The kitchen is just big enough

to boil an egg...
a small one.

And between the drippy faucet
and the rattling refrigerator,

she'll never hear the music.

You sound like you need a
handyman more than a girlfriend.

Okay, we've come this far,

we might as well
go the whole way.

You can use my house.

You mean that?
Yeah.

On Thursday, I'm going out
anyway, so it's all yours.

First your yacht,
and now your-- Your house.

Carlos, I want
you to know that to me,

you are more than just a boss.

Yeah, I know.
We are almost partners.

Sister Jacqueline?
Mm-hm?

I have to talk to you

about this letter
from Margareta Pedrosa.

Who's she?
Roberto's girlfriend.

Are you still
playing Dear Aggie?

You were supposed
to turn in your typewriter.

Well, I did. But when I went
to return my material

to Señor Malinas,
he gave me this letter.

And I just felt
I had to show it to somebody.

Oh, all right, let me see.

"Dear Aggie,
I'm writing to tell you

how your wonderful letter
saved my romance."

Sister Bertrille, I don't have
time now for true confessions.

Oh, but, Sister Jacqueline,
read on. This is very important.

Mm, let's see.

Um, "I called my boyfriend and
apologized like you suggested.

Now he's invited me to dinner
Thursday night at his house,

which must be
a magnificent place

because it's on Regency Road.

My family didn't think
I should go,

but you told me to trust him,
so I'm following your advice."

Yeah, well?

Don't you know
who lives on Regency Road?

No.
Carlos lives on Regency Road.

Well, uh, what are you
getting at?

I think it's Carlos
who's interested in this girl,

not Roberto,
and it's his yacht she was on

and it's his house
she was going to.

Yes, but why would he tell you
that story about Roberto?

Obviously so we would
influence the girl

to trust him, which we did.
In less than an hour,

Margareta Pedrosa is going
into his house because of us.

Us?
Oh.

Well, I'm using
the editorial "us."

Mm.
Look, Sister Jacqueline,

you think I ought to intercept
her before she goes in?

Well, do you think
you can get there in time?

Well, I can get there in about
30 minutes as the crow flies,

if you know what I have in mind.

Ah, yes, I know
what you have in mind.

♪♪

I still have a few minutes
before I have to leave.

Why don't you go to the kitchen
and prepare the salad?

I'll have the champagne ready.

Champagne too?

Don't you think
I'll be spoiling her?

You want to make
an impression on her, right?

Sure.
Okay.

But it'll be
an awful letdown next time,

when all she gets is root beer.

Go prepare the salad.

♪♪

[sighs softly]

Thanks for driving me, Luis.
[Luis] Mm-hm.

And tell Mama not to worry.
I am not a little girl anymore.

I am a grown woman.
That's why she is worried.

Luis, what are you doing?

I am only walking
a little behind you.

Excuse me.
Huh?

Are you Margareta Pedrosa?

That's right.
Wonderful.

I've got to talk to you

before you go in there.
About what?

About the advice you got
from Dear Aggie.

Don't believe a word of it.

Who are you?
Dear Aggie.

Oh!

So that's how it happened
that I became Dear Aggie.

And this is not a disguise.

I'm really sorry
for everything I've done.

Why be sorry? You have given me
nothing but good advice.

If it weren't for you,
I would not be here tonight.

Well, that's
what I'm sorriest for.

I have to tell you,

the man in there
is an unbelievable playboy.

Hm?
And all that advice I gave you

about trusting him
was a terrible mistake.

And you wanted me
to tell Mama not to worry.

A playboy?

It does not seem possible.

Both times I went out with him,
he-- He was so nice.

Yeah, well, he happens to be
a very nice playboy.

But don't expect him
to be serious with you.

[jazz playing on stereo]

Carlos, she'll be here
any minute.

I'm leaving.
I just have to dry my hands.

If she comes when I'm here,
I'll leave the back way.

Are you sure we are talking
about the right man?

Well, yes, go look for yourself.

He's in there right now,
fixing the champagne.

[sighs]

It is him.
That settles it.

You are going home.
[sighs]

Not yet, Luis.

Not without
speaking to him first.

I'll be right back.

[doorbell rings]

Margareta, my darling.

Roberto, there is something
I must ask you.

What is that?

Is it true that you are--?
Are really a playboy?

Me?

Now, look, darling.

Just because I accidentally
kissed your mother--

Oh, I do not mean that!

I mean a real playboy!

Margareta, darling,
do I look like a playboy?

Frankly, no.

But you cannot always tell
a book by its cover.

[sighs]

A Guide for the Single Man
Who Wants to Stay Single.

Margareta, darling...
you said yourself

you can't always
judge a book by its cover.

She was right!
You are a playboy!

Who was right?
Who gave you such an idea?

Oh, I got it from a nun.
[Roberto] A nun?

What nun?

What is this man doing here?
He lives here.

I know this is going
to sound funny, but--

Oh, then these things are his.
Never mind about that. What nun?

The one outside that said
I should not come in here.

There is just so much
frustration a man can take!

[Carlos] I'm not going to stand for this!

Nobody speaks
to my sister like that.

Come on, I know you are there!
You bet I am here.

Who are you?
I'm looking for the Sister.

Well, you got the brother
instead, Mr. Playboy!

Carlos! Speak to me!

What for?
It never does any good.

Luis, guess what?
It was all a mistake!

Who is that?
This is Roberto.

Who is the other guy?
Oh, he is the mistake.

You know what you are?

You are a born interferer!

A nuisance and a troublemaker!

And I thank you
to get out of my life

and stay out of my life
forever!

Oh, Carlos, I'm so glad
to see you're back to normal.

♪♪

♪♪

"Dear Aggie,
a certain young nun...

loves to interfere
in other people's lives.

Recently, she nearly broke up
my friend's romance

and got me slugged by a hooligan
twice my size.

I gave her
a terrible bawling out

and was willing to call
the incident closed,

but after thinking it over,
I'm not satisfied.

Considering what happened,
it seems to me

there should be at least
an apology, don't you agree?

Yours truly, Upset."

So?
It sounds like

the Sister Bertrille story,
as told by Carlos Ramirez.

Heh-heh-heh.
And what about the apology?

Well, I think it's all silly,

but you might as well
get on with the apologies.

I knew you would! Here.
Oh.

[toy squeaking]

Stay right where you are.
Thank you.

Hello, Sister Bertrille.
Oh... Hello, Carlos.

Now, tell him what you told me.

Well, I think it's very decent
of you to come here,

and I want you to know

that I accept your apology.

♪♪

["The Flying Nun" theme plays]

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