All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s03e12 A Ticket for Bertrille.eng

["The Flying Nun" theme plays]

[barking]

[Sister Jacqueline] When Sister Bertrille goes
shopping in the station wagon,

the children love
to go with her.

It's the nearest thing they've
got to a roller coaster.

This one particular day,

Sister Bertrille added
another thrill.

A crime wave.

[siren wailing]

A fire engine, Marcello.
We better pull over.

Where's the fire?

♪♪

[sighs]

Where's the fire?
That's what we wanted to know.

Oh, forgive me. Heh.

I didn't realize
it was you, Sister.

Oh, well, what's okay, Juarez.
Uh, did I do anything wrong?

Oh, it was nothing.

Well, a red light.

But normally at this time
of day, it is green. Heh.

Good day, Sister.
Thank you.

Oh, would you light a candle
for me, Sister, please?

Today, I propose to my Dolores.

Well, you're as good
as married.

And thank you
for not giving me a ticket.

Oh. Good day, Sister.
Bye.

That was crime one.
Crime two came soon after.

Oh, no.

I forgot to put a nickel
in the meter.

Don't worry.
He won't give you a ticket.

Oh, yes, he will.

♪♪

See.

Marcello, you've just learned
a very important lesson,

that policemen
are your friends.

♪♪

"Policemen, do not put coins
in meter."

Sister Bertrille, when I
grow up, I'm gonna be a priest,

so I don't have to obey
the law either.

It wasn't long before
the San Tanco Bonnie and Clyde

committed crime three.

Where's my car?

There it is.

♪♪

[Sister Bertrille] Oh.

Juarez,
why are you moving my car?

Because it's easier
than moving the hydrant.

He won't give you a ticket.

Marcello,
it's about time you learn

that nuns and priests
and everyone else

have to obey the law
just like everyone else.

I guess you want
my driver's license

to give me the ticket.

You have to give me a ticket.
A ticket? Simply because

someone put a fire hydrant
too close to your car? Nah.

I think Marcello is
losing faith in the law.

You just have
to give me a ticket,

or he may start off
in a life of crime.

But a ticket?

Heh, why--?

Oh, please, don't make me do
this terrible thing, Sister.

It's for Marcello's benefit.

Here's my driver's license.

You just have to.

All right, Sister.

♪♪

Is that for you?
Yeah.

Are you giving a ticket
to Sister Bertrille?

[Sister Bertrille] It's okay, Carlos.
I asked him to.

It is not okay.

My casino was robbed
of $5000,

and the police, the police
are giving ticket to nuns!

Well, this-- No, no!
[crowd clamoring]

Wait a minute.
This is important!

This is important. This may be
the most important ticket

that Juarez has ever written.

Thank you.
Look at that!

[clamoring continues]

♪♪

[mumbles indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

Sometimes I think
how lucky it is

that Sister Bertrille
is not a Girl Scout.

The world
just couldn't stand it

if she tried to do
a good deed every day.

Okay, here's $200.

I would like a convent
on Boardwalk, thank you.

Here's two more.

I would like a temple
on Marvin Gardens.

You're covering all bases.
Yeah.

Sisters.

It's unfortunate
that this is not real money.

We could use some of it
to pay the fine.

Oh. I didn't think
about that cost.

I am more worried
about the publicity.

I would not want people to think

that our Sisters go about
breaking traffic laws.

Who's gonna talk
about a little traffic ticket?

Sure. They have the casino
robbery to talk about.

Yes, I suppose so.

And I even invited Marcello

to go along with me
to court tomorrow.

And you don't think getting
a traffic ticket was enough?

No. He's gotta learn the lesson.
He has to see it all.

The whole magnificent process
of justice.

The arrest, the trial,
the conviction.

Wait a minute.
You're not going to the stake.

Don't underestimate her,
Sister Jacqueline.

She may yet.

[laughs]

Who's turn?
[Sister Bertrille] Yours.

Oh, I forgot.

I was supposed to light a candle
for Juarez,

the man who gave me the ticket.
He's proposing tonight.

Well, if he needs you to light
a candle, he's in trouble.

I'll bet
you are proud of yourself.

If you would just tell me
what I did wrong.

Oh, you don't know
what you did wrong?

No, I swear it.

Then you haven't listened
to the 6:00 news

or the 5:00 news.

Or the
"we interrupt this program

for a special bulletin" news.

You haven't got off
of your big, fat motorcycle

to hear what everybody
is talking about.

I was only going
to ask you to marry me.

Marry you?

Marry you?

A man who would
give a nun a ticket?

Ah. So that's it.

Were they expecting a fire?
Did they need a hydrant?

No, no, no, but--
The cruelty, the meanness.

I should have run
the day I met you.

I didn't want
to give her the ticket.

Oh. She held a gun in your back.

"I'll kill you
if you don't give me a ticket."

She asked me to give her
the ticket. Asked.

Not only did everybody
in San Tanco

know about the ticket,
everybody wanted to pay it.

I wonder...
maybe crime does pay.

Boy, we've gotten more money
than the whole annual drive.

Ha-ha. From now on, we'll just
send you out in the car.

Oh, wow. These letters
really flip me out. Listen.

"Dear Sister Bertrille, allow me
the honor to pay your ticket.

In the law,
everyone is equal,

but nuns should be
more than equal."

Sisters.

I am not pleased
with all these contributions.

We are, in effect, being paid
for breaking the law.

Well, that's not
why they sent the money.

It's what's in their heart.

And that's love. Heh.

"Sister Bertrille,
I am surprised

the fuzz had the guts
to arrest a nun.

She must be
very old and feeble.

And don't worry
about these bills.

They can't be traced."

[clears throat]

"If you are ever
arrested again, go limp."

[chuckling]

"Don't worry about anything.

We plan to have 30 pickets
at that fascistacity hall.

Oh, Reverend Mother,
you see,

it's the thing today,
involvement.

Sorry, Sister.

Reverend Mother.
Have you seen this?

The mayor would like
an audience.

Apparently, he has one.
How are you, Mayor Calderon?

Not well. Not well at all.

I have always been
a good mayor, have I not?

You have been
an excellent mayor.

And I have been
a good friend to the convent?

Indeed.
Reverent Mother,

did I not, as a young man,

at the risk of my life,
paint the church steeple?

Oh, I heard about that.

You painted it
from the bottom up.

Exactly.
And then you had to wait

up there three days
for the paint to dry.

What are you trying
to do to me?

[Reverend Mother] Mayor Calderon,
I do not understand.

I am running for reelection.

When people see this,
I am ruined.

Ruined.

Here. Read it.
See what you have done.

"People who were born
under the sign of Leo--"

No. This. The editorial.

Oh. Here it is.

It says, "Mayor Calderon
has finally begun

his much-awaited crackdown
on crime."

Well, that's good so far.
Read.

Read.

Uh, "Casino Carlos was
robbed Thursday,

and already the mayor's police
have acted swiftly

and dramatically."

Hey, this should be worth
a lot of votes.

Uh, for your opponents.

"They have arrested a nun.

It's a question who is
the bigger idiot, the mayor

or the nephew he appointed
to the police force."

Is Juarez your nephew?

Yes.

Is there anything I can do?

The judge who will hear
your case this afternoon,

he's also running
on my ticket.

Please,
do nothing to embarrass him.

Oh, well, I'll just explain--
No.

[whimpers]

Please.
What do you want me to do?

Is it possible in this order

to take the vow of silence?

♪♪

Sister Bertrille, I bet the
judge will not give you a fine.

Oh, yes, he will.
I have my rights.

If he gives you a fine,
he will be all washed up.

Nonsense.

I got it from friends.

Oh, stop being
such a legal eagle.

You'll see.

[whispers]
Good news.

You will be out
in two minutes.

Two minutes?
Shh.

If the judge fines you,
he's washed up.

I've got it from friends.

[judge] Twenty dollars or two days.

[gavel bangs]

Next case.
That's me.

Good luck.
Thank you.

[whispers] Don't be nervous.
Okay.

The matter
of the parking ticket.

Mm.

[chuckles]

Yes.

Sister Bertrille,
the court deeply regrets

this unfortunate ticket.

Told you.
It is the court's pleasure,

however, to dismiss the charges
and--

Oh, well, you can't.
Mm?

A nun has to obey the law
just like everyone else.

Of course.

But there are always
these circumstances

that can extenuate.

The red line by the hydrant

in front of Casino Carlos,
for instance.

Yes?
Gone.

The red is gone.

Washed away, they say,
by the tears of gamblers.

Is this not so?

Well, actually,
I didn't notice.

Of course.

Who can see
a practically nonexistent line?

And at 11:00 in the morning,

with the sun blazing
down on your eyes.

No, Sister.
You have committed no crime.

And I therefore find you--

Well, judge, Your Honor,
you're being very sweet.

But I am guilty.

Guilty. Unh.

You leave me
no alternative, Sister.

I fine you $20 or two days.

Oh, thank you.
However,

since this is
your first offense,

I hereby suspend the sentence.

Oh, well, you can't. This is
my third offense in one day.

The third? Unh.

In that case, I am not
permitted to suspend sentence.

Oh.
I fine you $20,

which it is my great privilege
to pay on your behalf.

That's very nice of you,
Your Honor,

but unless you do it
for everyone,

you can't do it for me.

[groans]

[speaks in Spanish]

A fanatic.

But not everyone is a nun!

Very well. In what may be
this court's last act,

I order you to pay
a $20 fine to the bailiff.

Oh, thank you very much,
Your Honor.

You've just done an
important thing for our youth.

And, um, some
of the other people too.

You've given them
the chance to see

justice is the same
for everyone.

Oh, good idea.

Equal justice.

Well...

What happens if you can't pay?

Two days in jail.

Thank you very much, Your Honor.

You see, Marcello,
justice triumphs.

Jail?!

She was railroaded.

♪♪

I hope you are comfortable.

Oh, yes, this is fine.

Could I leave a call for 5:00?

Five a.m.?

Yes, for my morning devotions.

Oh, of course.

I'll ring the general alarm.

[Rosita gargling]

Hoo. Anyone home?

[Rosita] Yes, me. Make yourself at home.

Oh.

That's mine.
You get the penthouse.

The penthouse?

The top bunk.

Oh. Heh-heh.

You're putting me on.

[sighs]

No. I'm Sister Bertrille.

I'm Rosita.
Nice to meet you.

What are you in for?

Uh, parking ticket.

They put a nun in jail
for a parking ticket?

Well, I know it sounds wild.

Well, what do you like best,

the gourmet food, the view,
the beautiful decor

or maybe the company?

Oh, the company is okay.

I don't think you are a nun.

I think you're put here
by the police.

They think, "Ah, I will
dress a spy as a nun,

and maybe Rosita will
confess to her." Hmm?

Oh, no, you don't confess
to nuns, only to priests.

I don't confess to nobody.

Not since they discovered
the Fifth Amendment.

Got a cigarette?
[chuckles]

No. I-- I don't smoke.
I'm a nun.

Um, what are you in for?
If it's okay if I ask.

I'm here because I always fall
for the wrong type of men.

Uh, "possible accessory,"
they call it.

Somehow all the men I want,
the FBI also wants.

You mean you're here just
because of the company you keep?

Mm. This time
the company was keeping me.

But you didn't do anything.
Mm-mm. Nothing.

They think
my boyfriend is involved

in the Casino Carlos robbery.

Oh, I'm sure your boyfriend
wouldn't rob

a man like Carlos,
such a nice man.

He gives so much bread
to the--

Money to the convent.
Mm-hm.

You know something?
What?

You don't even sound
like a nun.

Oh. That's what the
Reverend Mother keeps saying.

A nun. Look at you.
Your robe doesn't even fit.

You're an insult
to my intelligence.

Ah. Okay.

I'm not a nun,
but I am a nun,

and I'm a prisoner
just like you are.

[alarm bell blaring]

Isn't it a little early
for vespers?

Vespers?

All right.
Keep up the nun talk,

but that's for recess.
Recess?

We are as upset
as you are, Judge Portillo.

With due respect,
Reverend Mother,

are they hissing you
in the streets?

Can youlose an election?

Can you be stripped
of yourrobes?

I beg your pardon.

A policeman, a mayor
and now a judge.

How can one lone nun
ruin three men

with her first parking ticket?

Beginner's luck. Heh.

I think perhaps it is time
we called a press conference.

Perfect. They will believe you.

Not me, Judge Portillo.
Sister Bertrille.

Sister Jacqueline,

I, uh, wonder
if she can receive phone calls.

♪♪

This is the recreation yard.

For excitement,
you watch the dirt blow by.

Well, maybe
we could ask the guard

for a softball or something.

This is a jail,
not a reform school.

Well, if I'm gonna be
rehabilitated

I've gotta have fun.
Maybe we could play a game

of tic-tac-toe or hopscotch.

You got a piece of chalk?
No chalk allowed.

You should read what prisoners
write on those walls.

Oh. Well, we've gotta
think of something.

How about a game of tag?

Just leave me alone, huh?

Oh, Rosita, if we're roomies,
we ought to be friends.

Sorry, a lady cop
is not my idea of a friend.

Rosita! Rosita!

[exclaims]

♪♪

Where is Sister Bertrille?
She's wanted on the phone.

Back there.

Back where?
There. I--

She was there a second ago.

Don't tell me she...

Escaped?
Escaped?

Escaped?!
Escaped?

Escaped!

[alarm wailing]

They think I've escaped!

[whistle blowing]

♪♪

Tell us how she escaped
and you will have a big reward.

I have influence.
My brother is the judge.

I will tell you nothing.
Only this.

She is magnificent.

[doorbell rings]

It is you.

Looks like you missed me.

[both chuckle]

Forgive me for doubting you.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, it was
a beautiful escape.

You will go down
in criminal history.

Thank you.

There's only one thing
I don't understand.

Why did you come back?
You were free.

If that's free,
you can have it.

Sirens, dogs,
people hunting for you.

Oh, two, three days,
it would all blow over.

I'd still be running.
As long as you're running,

you're not free.
You know, you're right.

All my life,
I've been running.

And I've never felt free.

Well, you can change.

♪♪

If I tell you something,
will you help me?

I know where the money is that
was stolen from Casino Carlos.

You do?
My boyfriend told me.

Perhaps if we give
the money back,

the authorities
will not be harsh.

Well, I--
I can almost guarantee it.

Where is it?

In the bottom of the well
of the old Don Feliz ranch.

Okay.
What are you going to do?

Stand by
for Operation Jailbreak.

Warden!

Warden!

What is it, Sister?

Well, I guess
this is awful nervy,

but could I go back
into the courtyard again?

Courtyard?

Why do you want to go out
in the courtyard?

Well, I feel sort of nervous
all cooped up in here.

Nervous?
Yes, I'm starting to break out.

In that case,
what harm can it do?

♪♪

♪♪

Hello. Juarez?
This is Sister Bertrille.

Leave me in peace, Sister.
Please.

Listen, I have
important news for you.

No, please, Sister.
I am, this very second,

writing my resignation
from the police.

Well, you can't resign
from the police.

You just got engaged.
She returned the ring.

I still have the bruise.

Well, you still have
to pay the rent.

No, the landlord threw me out.

Well, you still have to eat.

I am afraid
of being poisoned.

I will always be the policeman
who gave the nun the ticket.

Listen, Juarez,
I know where the loot

from the Casino Carlos
robbery is.

Of course you do.
Listen, Juarez.

I got you into this mess.
I'm gonna get you out of it.

Now, meet me at the old
deserted Don Feliz ranch.

And if you still want
to resign,

then bring a pen
that writes underwater.

♪♪

[grunting]

Oh! You did it.

You did it, Juarez. You did it.

You solved the casino robbery.

[chuckles]
Oh!

Gentlemen, we have called
this press conference today

because we wish the public
to understand the reason

why Sister Bertrille
was arrested.

Sister Bertrille.

Well, we have
a bigger story.

There is no bigger story.
This one is.

Officer Juarez has solved
the casino robbery.

Crimes are solved every day.

But a nun gets a ticket,
a nun gets put in jail,

a nun escapes from jail.

That the people want
to hear about.

Well, it all sort of ties
together.

Uh, when they put me
in the cell, it was with Rosita,

the lady who told me
where the money was.

First she thought I was
planted there by the police.

Planted by the police?
Yes, you know, a stool pigeon.

Until I escaped.

Planted by the police,
of course.

It's clever. It's so clear now.

What is?
Well, the police found a pretext

to give you a ticket,

the judge found a way
to put you in jail,

and the crowning ingenuity
was to have you escape.

How brilliant your police work.
The imagination, courage.

You risked your careers.

Sister Bertrille,

when was the first time they
come to you with this scheme?

Well...

Well, I'm sorry,
but I have to take the Fifth.

♪♪

♪♪

Heh. One, two, three,
four, five, six...

Two dollars, please.
Mm-hm. Oh.

So Rosita got a pardon.

And a new boyfriend.
Mm.

I'm so glad we found that money.
Mm-hm.

Uh, excuse me, Sisters. I, uh...
Oh.

I wanted personally
to invite you to my wedding.

Oh. Congratulations.
Oh.

Thank you.

You will be there?
Of course.

And we don't even have to worry
about finding something to wear.

No, but we have
a bigger worry.

Bigger worry?
Don't catch the bridal bouquet.

[scoffs]

Oh, we'll be there
with bells on.

Thank you, Sisters.
Goodbye.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

Aw.
My turn.

Yeah, it's your turn.
[whistles]

[all] One, two, three.

Community Chest.
Mm...

Mm-hm.

What is it?

Get out of jail free.

[laughs]

[both chuckle]

♪♪

["The Flying Nun" theme plays]

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