All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s03e02 My Sister the Star.eng

♪♪

[barks]

[Jacqueline]
At the beginning of each school year,

the convent gives a party
for the children,

and each year,
Sister Bertrille persuades--

Oh, heh, that's her word
for "hoodwinks."

- -a local celebrity
to be the guest of honor.

This year's target
was Claudio the Clown,

a great television favorite
with the children.

[Bertrille] ♪ There's a world
Inside your pillow ♪

♪ A never, never land
Where dreams come true ♪

♪ All you have to do
Is close your sleepy eyes ♪

♪ And a door will open up
For you ♪

♪ So hushaby, and by and by
You'll soon be on your way ♪

♪ Deep in dreamland ♪

♪ Till the break of day ♪
[kids chuckling]

♪ You'll see the world
Inside your pillow ♪

♪ Just as soon
As I turn out the light ♪

[mouthing]

♪ All you have to do
Is close your sleepy eyes ♪

♪ And say the magic words ♪

♪ Good night ♪

[kids] Yay!

Thank you. Thank you.

All right, all right, kids.

I mean, let's not unravel.
It's a nice number and all,

but we better save our cheering
for--

Claudio!

That's me. In living color.

[laughs]

You know something,
Sister,

you are very big
with the talent.

Oh, you're joking.

No, no, no. I mean that.

You are maravilloso.
Is that good?

In Spanish,
that means "terrific."

How about that, kids?
She's great, no?

[kids cheering]

Heh. You can't fool
the children.

They know.

Sister Bertrille, for you.

Oh. Thank you.

You know what this means?
No.

This means that Claudio

is cooking up some plans
for you.

Some very big plans.

[Jacqueline]
And that he was.

But the best-made plans
of mice and men oft go astray.

Fortunately.

♪♪

♪♪

Golly, Claudio,
I appreciate the offer,

but what would I do
in your television show?

You entertain the children,
the same as I.

Well, my triple somersaults
are a little rusty.

No, no, no. I take care of
the clowning, the acrobatics.

You, I want to sing
and to play the guitar.

You could wind up
the Petula Clark

of the Pablum set.

Reverend Mother,

I'd be filled with gratitude

if you try to convince her.

[Bertrille] I don't know.

The money's not big,

but it's not bad.

[Bertrille] Money?
Two hundred dollars.

You could donate it
to the convent.

I've thought about it.

Bueno.

[all chuckle]

Just try to remember.

Now, the microphone
is up there.

The spotlight is out there.

Your marks are down there.

Camera 1 is over there
and Camera 2 is over there.

But you do not look
over there.

You look straight out there,
and you smile.

[off-key]
♪ The golden glint Of sunlight ♪

♪ Bathes the particles
Of sand ♪

Forget the smile.

Señor Montez,
I really don't think--

Good, good.
I will think for you.

I will think for you,
Sister.

Now, now, Sister,
listen to me, please.

When you sing
the second chorus of the song,

you must move
to that camera.

But you must
be very, very careful

that you do not--

- -trip over the cable.

Yeah.

Well, it's a good thing

I've had a lot of practice
in crash landings.

[chuckles]

Huh?

Yes. All right, Sister.

Now, let me see
if you remember my directions.

Run through them, please.

Well, ahem...

Sing into my spotlight.

Watch my marks on the cable.

Don't trip over my mic.
Relax.

And when I fall off my stool,
come up smiling.

Or something like that.

Yeah.

Mm. Take five, everybody.

Take five. Oh.

How's it going,
Sister?

Oh. Wonderful, Claudio.

Oh.
Just great.

It's as easy
as reciting catechism.

Backwards.

You scared?

Terrified.
Would you like to know

what happened to me
the first time I went onstage?

I don't think so.
I fainted.

It was only
an amateur contest,

but I was going to be
the Spanish Bing Crosby

in show business.

Oh, I'll never forget
that night.

Somebody led me onto the stage,
introduced me to the audience,

and then left.

And there I was, alone

on that great big
empty stage.

Pfft.

The next thing I know,
somebody was leaning over me,

and the whole audience
was singing

"For He's
a Jolly Good Fellow."

[laughs]

So you see,
you're not the only--

Sister Bertrille!

Welcome to show business,
Sister.

Hurry, Sisters.

Claudio's program goes on
in five seconds.

It's a very old set.
I hope it'll work.

[static]

It sounds terrible.

Well, when you're that old, you
have a right to sound terrible.

I think it needs
artificial restoration.

Respiration, Sister.

Heh. But you're close.

Oh, I thought they said
it never snowed in San Juan.

[sighs]

Nothing happened.
Mm.

I would not say that,
Sister Ana.

The washing machine
just came on,

and it has not worked
for weeks.

Would you like to try
for the water heater?

[thud]
Oh!

[music plays on TV]

[Sixto] You did it, Sister.

Heh. I wasn't tennis champ

of the Maple Street
Bloomer Girls for nothing.

Ah, good.
Oh!

And now, Felipe,
and boys and girls,

you are going
to be very thrilled.

What is it?
Well, remember that guest

I told you was going
to be on the show today?

She is here.

[Felipe] You mean she is a swinger?

[Claudio] No, no, not a swinger.
She is a singer.

That's Sister Bertrille.

You got a sister
who's a swinger?

No, no, she's not my sister.

She is a real Sister.
She is a nun.

Uh-oh, I got to get out of here.
What's the matter?

I don't go to Sunday school
this morning.

No, heh. Boys and girls,

it's my pleasure
to present Sister Bertrille.

[fanfare plays]

I don't see her.

Oh, you will. Wait.

You will see her.

Uh, maybe I should sing
this song myself.

No, no, no, no. You don't sing.
She's going to sing.

[chuckles]

She promised!

[fanfare plays]

Maybe you should
introduce her

as the invisible
Sister Bertrille.

Heh. I'm afraid that maybe
I will have to, Felipe.

[groans]

[guitar twangs]

Shh.

There she is now. Heh.
[fanfare plays]

Sister Bertrille,
boys and girls.

There, on the ground.

On the ground. By the elephant.
Oh.

[audience clapping]

[Claudio chuckles]

Sister Bertrille has quite
an eye for comedy, hasn't she?

She's a regular
Filler Diller.

Phyllis Diller.

Oh. Never heard of her.

Welcome. Welcome to the show,
Sister Bertrille.

[audience clapping]

I would have gotten here
sooner,

but I took a shortcut
and it took longer.

Oh, that's all right.
Come here and sit down.

Now, don't worry. Just--
I want you to meet Felipe.

This is Sister Bertrille.
How do you do?

Hello.
I think you got to hold that

on the other side with strings.
Oh.

Oh, that's it.
That's it.

There's a hole there.
It's not going to work.

No, of course, Felipe,
it's going to work.

How do you work that,
Sister?

Well, you put your fingers
on the strings...

Uh-huh.
...and then you strum and...

Oh, you can do that?
Yeah.

Can you do this?

No, no,Felipe.

Don't do that.
That's fresh. [chuckles]

No. Now, we are going to leave
Sister Bertrille alone

to entertain
the boys and girls.

Felipe, wish her
the best of luck.

I wish you good luck,
Sister.

Thank you very much.

Thank Claudio too.

Oh. Thank you,
Claudio.

Oh, it is a pleasure,
Sister Bertrille.

[audience clapping]

[Bertrille strumming guitar]

♪ The golden glint
Of sunlight ♪

♪ Bathes
The particles of sand ♪

♪ And a myriad of patterns
Are designed ♪

♪ In reverie
I watch the... ♪

I like this girl, Claudio.
She is good.

Where'd you find her?

She found me,
then I found her.

She's from
the Convent San Tanco.

♪ And it's a whole new world
I see ♪

♪ Oh, yes, a whole new world
For me ♪

♪ And as I take a trip
Along the corridors of time ♪

♪ Where the winding halls
Are carpeted with grass ♪

♪ My eye is on tomorrow
And my hand on yesterday ♪

♪ The whole panorama
Is my... ♪

She has a style.
Mm.

Quality, carismo.

Something you do not find
every day.

She's a natural.

You know, Claudio,
with a little training,

proper development,
we could have something here.

♪ On my odyssey, the fabric
Of the infinite unfolds ♪

♪ Free of mushroom clouds
That sear the sky above ♪

♪ I harken to the thunder
Of a trailing of a leaf ♪

♪ As it heralds
The awakening of love ♪

♪ And, oh, what miracles
Abound ♪

♪ Out in the whole
New world ♪

♪ I found ♪

[audience clapping]

Ah, very good, Sister.
Very good.

[Montique] A talent
such as Sister Bertrille

should not be held back,
Reverend Mother.

Now, my idea is this.

Let her have a show of her own.
Say, 15 minutes a day.

We call it
Songs by Bertrille,

in keeping with the dignity
of the convent.

Your idea is most interesting,
Señor Montique.

But I wonder if Sister Bertrille
can find the time

to do a television show and also
fulfill her obligations here.

I'm glad
you thought of that.

I couldn't possibly--
Sister.

I will help you.

I could take over
your sewing class.

Sister Ana, you know
you don't know how to sew.

I'll learn.

I would do anything
for you, Sister.

Oh, me too.

I could teach
the kids English.

I can congregate verbs
and dangle particles

like nobody's business.

And don't think
she can't.

Sister Sixto,
I appreciate the offer--

[Jacqueline] Take a fling at it.

We'll all help out.
After all, what are a few

dangled particles
among friends.

Sisters, I can't let you
do my work.

Look at it this way. The money
you make will go to the convent,

so you'd be helping them.
And if the show is a hit,

who knows what could happen?
[gasps]

You could be
another dinosaur.

Dinosaur? Dino--?

Oh. Heh. Dinah Shore.

A very famous name
in show business.

Oh.
No wonder she changed it.

Sister Bertrille,
the decision is yours.

What do you think?

Well...

I think about what a little
money could do for the convent.

We could buy
a new washing machine,

new baseball uniforms
for the kids.

Maybe a new television set
so we could watch your show.

And the plumbing could stand
a little going under.

Uh, going over.
Oh.

But I'll buy that.

I guess I'm outnumbered.

Oh, no more cold showers
in the morning.

Just think,
Sister Bertrille,

because of you, we'll all be
in hot water again.

[Jacqueline]
A possibility no one at San Tanco would ever deny.

♪♪

[Bertrille]
What is there to be so shook up about?

Appearing on television
isn't any big deal.

I mean, people do it every day,
and they live through it.

At any rate,
I never heard of anyone

dropping dead
from stage fright.

Yet.

Okay, I'll sign
that little agreement.

I'll work hard, and if I become
an overnight success

in a year or two,
I won't let it change me.

I'll still be the same sweet,
friendly Sister Bertrille.

Even if I do become
that wonderful, adorable,

simply marvelous...

I wonder
what it would be like.

♪♪

Sister Bertrille,

you cannot wear an evening gown
and a cornet.

It looks dumb.

You know, you're right.

Okay. Then you will
get rid of it.

I'll get rid of the dress.

How many times
do I have to tell you?

You cannot wear a habit.

You're an actress now.

You are playing the part
of a waitress

who becomes a big singer.

Well, can't the waitress
be a nun?

Sister, I gave up my night club
to become your manager, right?

Right.
Then you have faith

in my advice, right?

Of course I have faith.
I'm a nun.

Be a good girl and cooperate.
Okay.

Okay. Then you will wear
the evening gown.

Yes.

You will wear the wig.

Yes.
And you will leave the cornet

here in the dressing room.

No.

No?

I said I'd cooperate,

not capitulate.

♪♪

Sister Jacqueline, I'm back.

Well, one could hardly miss you,
Sister.

Oh. You must mean
this kooky outfit.

It's a costume. I was so excited
to get back to the convent

that I didn't stop
to change.

Well, judging from all
the headlines I've been reading,

I'm sure you've been
very busy.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I promised Sister Teresa
to help her with her work.

You see,
since you've been gone,

we've all had to pitch in
and work double time.

Uh, Sister, what kind of
a welcome is this?

I mean, where's the Rolls-Royce
I ordered for the convent?

Oh, we received it,

and the Reverend Mother
was very grateful.

Well, then.

She felt a little conspicuous
driving a Rolls-Royce

to deliver food baskets
to the poor.

♪♪

Hi, Sisters.

Sister Bertrille,
what are you doing here?

Well, I live here,
don't I?

You're a big celebrity now,
Sister.

Your picture's
in all the papers.

Why would you want to
live here anymore?

You're a big flash
in a little muddle.

That's fish in a puddle.

Anyway, everyone seems to think
you're Mrs. Wonderful.

Miss Wonderful,
if you don't mind. And...

I happen to be
the same person

as when I left here
a month ago.

Would somebody tell me
what's going on here?

Nothing's going on, Sister.
We're all working very hard.

I'm teaching
some of your classes.

Sister Sixto took over
your English class.

You didn't.

You don't have to get
in such a puff about it.

Anyway, the Reverend Mother says
that my sentence destruction

is the best she's ever seen.

I bet.

"Convent Bertrille"?

What are you doing?

It's a new sign
in your honor.

Orders
from the higher uppers.

You named it after me.
Why did you name it after me?

You are supporting
the convent now, Sister.

Furthermore, Sister Bertrille,
nuns do not, as a general rule,

wear evening dresses and wigs
with their coronets

on television
for the whole world to see.

Well, I know this outfit's

a bit spectacular, but--

We can only hope

that the Vatican
has poor television reception.

[knocks on door]

Someone's at your door.

It is probably the pope.

Come in.

Hello, hello, hello.

I'm so glad to be here.

Carlos.

I would have come much sooner,

but I flew the usual way,
by plane.

Reverend Mother,
I have very exciting news

about Sister Bertrille.

It is a letter from one

of the biggest producers
in New York.

He wants her to star
in a Broadway musical.

Very interesting.

And I feel certain

that Sister Bertrille
will be delighted to accept.

Good. I'm gonna phone him
immediately.

Even if...

♪♪

it means relinquishing
her privilege

of becoming
a full-fledged nun.

Leave the convent?

If you do not give up
this...career,

I shall have to ask you
to turn in your coronet.

♪ The golden glint of sunlight
Bathes the particles of sand ♪

♪ And a myriad of patterns
Are designed ♪

♪ In reverie ♪

♪ I watch the changing colors
Of the waves ♪

♪ Break upon the idle seashore
Of my mind ♪

♪ And it's a whole new world
I see ♪

♪ Oh, yes, a whole new world
For me ♪

♪♪

Whole new world?
I don't want a whole new world.

There's no law that says
I have to go through with this.

If I'd wanted to be
in show business,

I would have taken up
tap dancing or something.

Or tried out for glee club.

But it won't be easy.

There's Claudio
and Señor Montique.

And that agreement I promised
to sign.

Well, I got myself
into this mess,

so I'll just have to think of
a way to get out of it.

[Jacqueline]
It isn't only the Lord who moves in mysterious ways.

So does Sister Bertrille.

Now, if you will just
sign here, Sister.

Of course.

Uh, I do have just one

teensy-weensy little favor.

Anything
your heart desires.

Anything?
Just try me.

Well, about
sponsor approval...

Oh, now, don't you worry
about that, Sister.

We have the best.

We have, uh,
Splitz saltwater taffy--

Taffy?
With all that sugar in it?

Oh, it is delicioso.

I'm afraid I'll have to
veto Splitz.

What? Why?

Sugar is bad
for the teeth.

It gives kids cavities.

Muchocavities.

[groaning]

Who else do we have?

We have, um,
Brograns Bread.

White or whole wheat?

White or whole wheat? Both.

And rye and pumpernickel
and--

What difference
does it make?

Made with pure butter,
I presume?

Naturally. And what is wrong
with pure butter?

Speeds up the process
of hardening of the arteries.

In children?
Our arteries start to harden

from the day we're born.
Keep going.

I'm sure we have one sponsor
I can approve of.

What about By the Bee
coloring book, huh?

What can you say about that?
Warmongers.

Warmongers?
You should see the things

they give the kids to color.

Tanks and soldiers.

But the--
However, never fear.

All is not lost.

I do have an idea
which might counteract

all of these injustices
to our children.

I could start each program

with a sermon.

A sermon? That does it.

A sermon,
on a comedy show.

A children's comedy show.

I knew you'd like it.

I hate it.

Well, um,
maybe you'd like the idea

of finishing
with some prayers.

All different religions.

We could have several
different prayers--

Sister Bertrille,
it is obvious

that this is not going
to work out for either of us.

Well, we did have
sort of an agreement.

I hate to disappoint
the Reverend Mother.

I mean, the convent
could use the money.

Ah.

I am a fair man, Sister.

Suppose I were to send
a small contribution

to the convent?

Oh, well, I couldn't
ask you to do that.

Of course,
if you insisted--

I insist.
I accept.

Thank you very, very much,
señor.

I'll say a prayer for you
tonight at mass.

You won't be forgotten.

Nor will you,
Sister.

Oh.

♪♪

Hey, kids. Hey.
Everybody listen.

We have a special surprise guest
for you today.

[kids] Who is it?

Sister Jacqueline,
bring him out.

Here he is.
Señor Tomaso Turkey.

[kids] Yay!

Here you go. Ooh. Ah.

How's that? Beautiful?

[girl] Yeah.
[kids] Yes.

[Jacqueline]
Sister Bertrille

may have a knack
for getting into trouble,

but she also has a knack
for getting out of trouble.

And why not?
Look who she's got on her side.

♪ ...the fabric
Of the infinite unfolds ♪

♪ Free of mushroom clouds
That sear the sky above ♪

♪ And, oh, what miracles
Abound ♪

♪ Out in the whole
New world ♪

♪ I found ♪

♪♪

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