Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] Although the Convent San Tanco is 400 years old

we do enjoy most of the conveniences

of the 20th century.

We have telephones, television, electric appliances,

and bills...

bills and more bills,

to pay for the repair of these conveniences.

But two things have not changed through the centuries,

the oven in which we bake our bread and our bread.

When the wind is right,

its aroma sings a siren song that no one can resist.

[snakecharmer music playing]

Providence often works in mysterious ways.

On this particular day,

it brought us a stranger whose temper,

as well as his automobile radiator, was boiling.

Sister.

I beg your pardon, Sister.

But if I might impose upon you?

Well, that's what we're here for. What can I do for you?

I wonder if you could spare a bucket of water

and just one slice of that bread I smell.

Bread and water?

We may not be the richest convent in the world,

but I'm sure we can come up with a glass of milk and a sandwich.

I'm afraid you do not understand, Sister.

You see, the water is for my car radiator

and the bread is only to satisfy a whim.

I only want to see if the taste

can be half as heavenly as the aroma.

Well, if it's heavenly bread you're after,

you've certainly come to the right place.

Right this way.

Here you are, senor. Shovel up. Hmm?

Oh, she means "dig in." You know,

like h-have another piece, enjoy yourself.

I already have, Sister.

A whole loaf, I'm ashamed to say.

Oh, don't worry, senor.

Sister Sixto will make some more tomorrow.

Then I will try to convince my car

to overheat at precisely the same place.

It is marvelous.

Absolutely the best bread I've ever tasted.

Thank you.

Many thanks, Sisters.

If ever I can return your courtesies,

please do not hesitate to call.

[Sixto] Goodbye. [Jacqueline] Goodbye, senor.

Goodbye, Sisters. [Sixto] Bye-bye.

[Bertrille] Bye.

"San Juan Grocery Company. Roberto Sanchez, President."

Why, no wonder he knows so much about bread.

His stores must sell thousands of loaves a day.

Have we got another bucket?

More water? What are you going to do with it?

Retile the roof, paint the chapel

and pay the dentist for Ricardo's braces.

With a bucket of water?

Se�orSanchez. Se�orSanchez,

I-- I brought you some more water.

But I have plenty, Sister.

Oh no, this isn't for the car.

This is for you, just in case you get thirsty.

You are most considerate.

Well, anyone who's as crazy about our bread...

Look at that windshield.

It's just filthy. Filthy.

That's odd I just had the car washed this morning.

Well, that's the trouble with the world today.

No one takes pride in their work.

Except for a very few,

like Sister Sixto when she bakes bread.

You can taste tender loving care in every single bite.

Who would know that better than I?

[Bertrille] And you're not the only one.

Oh, people come from miles around just hoping

to taste a crumb of Sister Sixto's bread.

I wish I could say the same for the bread we sell.

And we're the second largest grocery chain on the island.

You are? No kidding.

Did it ever occur to you

that being number two, you have to bake harder?

Sister, are you trying to tell me something?

Me? What could I tell a man

who could have the largest grocery chain in the island

if he only sold the right kind of bread.

You mean Sister Sixto's bread?

Are you offering to sell Sister Sixto's bread?

I am?

Fantastic idea.

Sister Bertrille, we are a teaching order

and not a baking order.

What about the Benedictine monks and their brandy?

And bread's much better than brandy

because you don't have to be 21 to eat bread.

But, Sister Bertrille, it is such a vast undertaking.

10 loaves, 200. What's the difference?

190, to be precise.

Reverend Mother, I know it sounds impossible.

But I've already started the groundwork.

Some of the sisters have agreed to help make the bread.

Se�orSanchez is in charge of distribution.

Sister Jacqueline is in charge of advertising...

Oh? I didn't know that Sister Jacqueline

knew anything about advertising.

Oh, yes.

She was once a file clerk

in a Madison Avenue advertising agency.

Well, that should qualify her eminently.

Now all I need is your permission

to go ahead on one insignificant little detail.

And what is that?

I have to promote a $1,000 to buy an oven.

That sounds like a significant big detail.

How do you intend to raise that much money?

At the casino.

Sister Bertrille, you are not going to gamble.

Only with my life. I'm going to ask Carlos.

Come in.

Good morning. Good morning, Sister.

What do you want this time?

Carlos, why is it that every time I come over

to pay you a friendly call you think I want something?

Because every time you want something

you come to pay a friendly call.

Well, not this time.

I've come to give you something.

Hmm. Whatever it is you're going to give me,

I cannot afford it.

It's free.

It's a loaf of Sister Sixto's homemade bread.

Fine. Leave it right there. I'll have it with my dinner.

No, you have to have it now. It's fresh out of the oven.

Sister, let's make a deal.

One bite and you go. Okay.

Mmh. Delicious. Now, goodbye.

If you think it's good that way,

you should try it with a little butter on it.

And I just happen to have a little butter right here.

You just happen to have a little...

[Bertrille] Yummy, isn't it?

Well, now you should try it

with some strawberry jam,

[Bertrille] it's just fantastic. Sister,

why do I get the feeling that you're stuffing the goose

to make it lay the golden egg?

Beg your pardon?

What do you want?

Oh. Well, now that you asked,

you see, the convent has decided to bake bread to raise money

and I thought perhaps I could put you down for a loaf?

You mean that's all you've been leading up to?

You want me to buy a loaf of bread?

One, single, solitary loaf of bread?

My pleasure.

Don't you even want to know how much it's going to cost?

How much can it cost?

For you, a $1,000.

A $1,000? For one, single, solitary loaf of bread?

Well, it's for the oven to bake the bread in.

You see, Carlos, we need your dough to bake our bread.

With an oven like this our problems are over.

Oh, it's beautiful.

There's only one thing I'd like to know.

How did you get Se�orCarlos to give you the money to buy it?

I cried a lot.

I got it. I finally got it.

What is it? The name and slogan

for our bread. How does this strike you?

[Bertrille] "Buy Convent Bread. Nun better."

None is spelled N-O-N-E, no?

No, I think she meant it to be a pun.

Oh.

Oh, I'm mixed up. Are we baking bread or puns?

Very clever, but don't you think people might think

that we only eat it on holy days.

Well, I've got lots more.

Oh, terrific.

I like it.

Good.

But don't you think we're opening ourselves up

for a lot of jokes like,

fit for angels, not humans?

Oh, yes. There's one in every crowd.

Well, how does this grab you?

"Convent San Tanco bread. The loaf with mass appeal."

"Mass," you get it?

It's wonderful.

But what will that do to our Protestant trade?

In other words, back to the diving board.

Sorry, Sister.

Well, as they say on Madison Avenue,

that's the way the bread crumbles.

Ta, ta.

[Jacqueline whistling]

Well, now that we have

the advertising campaign rolling along,

we better start on our production line.

First of all, of course,

Sister Sixto will be in charge of mixing.

Any questions? Uh, yes.

Uh, one loaf of bread I know how to make,

but what is one pinch of salt for 200 loaves?

200 pinches.

Oh!

Oh, and then I have to figure out

how much flour I'm gonna need.

Oh. Well, here's a pencil

and a piece of paper.

There you are. Just multiply by 200.

Now then, there's the kneading.

I'd better take care of that myself.

Yeah? And then Sister Theresa

can handle the cutting and shaping,

which leaves Sister Carla for temperature control

before Sister Lupina puts the unbaked loaves into the oven.

150 pounds of flour. That's what I need.

Oh. How much do you have on hand?

About 10 pounds.

Terrific.

Well,

Sister Bertrille,

is the Convent San Tanco ready

to cast its bread upon the public?

Oh, yes. I have everything

worked out to the last detail.

Excellent.

Except for one detail.

No. Not again. Absolutely not. But Carlos...

Sister, I'm sorry. But the well has finally run dry.

Are you sure? I mean, couldn't you try and dig a little deeper?

I can dig all the way to China

and the answer will be the same.

You told me last time that you wouldn't bother me again

if I loaned you the money for the oven.

Yes, but we have to get into business

and we can't get into business until we bake some bread,

we can't bake any bread...

[both] Until we have some flour.

Right.

Look,

if you were to bake 200 loaves,

how much flour would you need?

About a pound per loaf.

If I were to ignore my better judgment,

and if I were to lend you the money for the flour,

how much would it cost me?

Well, if we go to the Lopez Mill

it will cost about a dime per pound,

but if we pay cash, we can get it for eight cents a pound

from the Garcia Brothers. Okay.

Get it from Garcia Brothers.

But there's only one thing,

the Garcia Brothers only give the discount

with a minimum order of one ton.

One ton. One ton! 2,000 pounds!

Well, look at it this way, Carlos.

With all that flour we'll be doing

so much baking that I won't have time

to come over and ask you for anything else.

Finally, the great moment arrived.

Sister Sixto began to mix the ingredients

with love and precision.

Well, with love, anyway.

[Sixto] 94, 95,

96,

97, 98,

99...

Are you sure we can't help you, Sister Sixto?

100.

You got to keep the rhythm.

102...

103...

♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪

106...

107.

♪ Hallelujah... ♪ Sisters, look!

[all clamoring]

Look at that.

It's all their fault.

No, it was the both of them.

Well, now calm down, everybody.

Calm down!

Now, who was in charge of putting in the yeast?

Don't just stand there. Attack.

[Jacqueline] We managed to overcome our initial production problems

and prepared to make our first delivery.

Well, how do you like the name

that Sister Jacqueline came up with?

It's a real zinger, isn't it?

[Bertrille] "Mother's Superior Bread."

Yes, indeed. It is a zinger.

Thanks. I'm still working on the slogan.

Oh, let me try this on you. Now get this.

"Make our habit your habit."

Wow, that's really catchy, isn't it?

Do you wish a frank answer?

I've got a lot more where that came from.

Sister Bertrille,

I don't want you to get a ticket, but if you hurry,

the bread will still be warm when you deliver it.

All right. I'll push her to her limits.

Sister Bertrille, not too fast.

Reverend Mother, her limit is 15 miles an hour.

[car exhaust popping]

[Reverend Mother] Are you all right, Sister Bertrille?

Never mind me. What about the bread?

[Bertrille coughing]

Oh, thank goodness. For a minute I thought

we were going to have 200 loaves of toast.

Swell.

[police alarm going off]

Se�or,pull around the corner, please.

Good morning, Sister. Se�or,

do you realize you have been exceeding

the speed limit by five miles an hour?

Well... I can explain that.

You see, we were in a great hurry.

So, you admit it?

I did not admit anything. She admitted it.

Se�or,are you asking me to doubt the word of a nun?

Why didn't you stop when I signaled you back there?

Oh, we couldn't see you.

If you look for yourself, you'll see

that the rearview mirror is completely blocked.

Excuse me, Sister. Do you mind speaking

a little slower, please?

I do not want to miss a single violation.

In fact, there is no need for the...

for the Sister to continue.

I admit I was speeding.

Now, if you make out a citation, I'll be happy to accept it.

A wise decision, senor.

Now, if I can have your license?

Yes.

My license.

Yes, your license.

Well, I'm afraid, in my great rush

to help the Sister, I left it in my other coat.

Driving without a license.

Officer, it's really not his fault.

You see, he just wanted to make sure

that we got the bread to the store while it was still fresh.

Oh, in that case, I understand.

Oh, you do? Certainly.

You are using a private vehicle for commercial purposes.

Where is your permit, please?

Well, I don't have any.

I see.

Speeding, no license and no permit,

rear view mirror blocked...

Now wait a minute, officer.

I know this man personally.

He's a very upstanding citizen.

He's Carlos Ramirez. Casino Carlos.

Casino Carlos, really?

Yes, and I'm sure if you'd drop in any time

he'd be just delighted to buy you a drink.

Buy me a drink, huh?

Yes.

To the other charges,

we will add trying to bribe an officer.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Carlos, what would we do without you?

I don't know, but I wish you'd try.

Thanks for the ride home.

Sister, dropping you off is one of the highlights of my day.

I'm sorry about all those traffic citations.

We'll pay for them.

Just put them on the bill we already owe you.

And other than that, I don't know what to say.

How about, "Goodbye"? Oh, oh, wait, wait.

I keep forgetting. This is for you.

It's the first one off our production line.

I--I hope you enjoy it.

I'll eat it. If I ever get my appetite back.

Thank you.

No luck, Sisters.

It's not in any of the mixing bowls.

And the only thing in these flour sacks is flour.

What's going on here?

Sister Sixto lost her ring.

How? When?

If I knew how and when I would also know where,

then it would not be lost.

Well, when did you first miss it?

When I was through with the baking my finger felt funny.

Funny? In what way?

Well, you know, naked.

You don't suppose...

Oh, no.

What? What? Well, if your ring fell off

while you were kneading that dough...

It could be in one of our breads.

And if someone buys that bread...

And bites into the ring...

Then I'll get it back. And what do you suppose

will happen to Mother's Superior Bread?

We could end up in Superior Court.

That's right.

The Convent San Tanco air force

went into action as soon as we learned

which ofSe�or Sanchez's stores were selling our bread.

Unfortunately for us,

our bread had sold like hotcakes

and Sister Bertrille was able to recover

only a fraction of what we had baked.

This is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Oh, somebody lost a needle, too?

It's just an expression, Sister.

Oh. I'd like to hear an expression like, "I found it."

Well, just keep looking.

We can't leave one crumb unturned.

I do hope that the pigeons have a good appetite.

Oh. Well, ladies,

it looks like we've broken our last bread.

Oh, boy. What do we do now?

Well, the public must be notified.

Well, we could put an ad in the newspaper.

Like under "Lost and found."

"Lost and found?" [Bertrille] Yes.

Lost, one gold ring

last seen in bread shaped container.

Sister Bertrille, exactly what are you suggesting?

Well, I just wanted to warn the public

without making us the laughing stock of the bakery business.

Yes, but that is ridiculous.

By the time the newspapers come out,

most of the bread will be eaten.

Wait a minute. I think I've got it.

What?

We could get a bulletin on the 6:00 news.

Oh, swell. Instant bankruptcy coast to coast.

Not necessarily.

What do you mean, Sister Jacqueline?

Well, with a little Madison Avenue touch,

we could turn this to our advantage.

MAN [on radio] ...and to the finder of the lucky ring,

in the lucky loaf of Mother's Superior Bread,

the Sisters will award a one year supply

of this mouth-watering delicacy.

So, think before you slice.

Look before you chew.

Who knows, you might be the lucky winner.

And now, the news continues.

I wonder if we might have been better off

if we'd found a more direct approach to our problem.

Well that was direct, Reverend Mother.

In an indirect sort of way.

Yes. Instead of frightening the public

we offer them something for nothing.

It's the old Madison Avenue approach.

And all we're doing is just paying for our own mistake.

And what could be fairer than that?

[knocking on door]

Good afternoon.

Carlos, you're not angry anymore?

Boy, you can sure hold a grudge.

Se�orRamirez, it's always a pleasure to see you.

Thank you.

Did you hear about our contest?

I did. Meet the winner.

I beg your pardon?

My ring. Oh, see the engraving, it's mine.

It's mine. Thank you. Oh, is that dumb luck?

It was in your bread all the time.

[Reverend Mother] How fortunate.

A-a-and you found it when you cut into it?

Not when I cut into it...

You know, I once read in a magazine

about a man who grew a third tooth.

Maybe it was in a newspaper.

Maybe it was on television.

Maybe I made it up.

Reverend Mother, I've got great news.

We solved the mystery.

Splendid. However, I was not aware that we had a mystery.

Yes. Well, we didn't want to burden you with it

until we had the solution.

It turns out that Sister Sixto's bread

has a 9.5 return factor

in relation to consumer acceptance.

Uh, could you translate that for me, Sister Bertrille?

The customers hated it.

Well, I cannot believe that.

I believe it. What went wrong?

Well, that was the mystery. Now, it couldn't have been the flour,

the yeast, the butter or the eggs,

so there's only one thing left. The oven.

But it's a new oven. Well, that's the point.

This is an old recipe and it probably needs an old oven

to bring out the subtle old world flavor.

Well, it was a short business career,

but a merry one.

Well, now that we've found out the problem,

we're not going to give up.

Now, we can get rid of the new oven, we'll probably get

a very good price for it because it's hardly been used.

With that money, we can scout around

and find 10 old stone ovens.

Sister Bertrille... I know what you're gonna say,

Reverend Mother. Where are we going to put them?

Well, we've got it all figured out.

Now, we can knock out the south wall

in the kitchen and extend it 10 feet into the chapel.

Now... Into the chapel?

Well, we hardly ever pray at the same time

and there's always empty pews... Sister Bertrille,

may I suggest that you use

one of those pews immediately and pray?

Pray for the return of your sanity?

Yes, Reverend Mother.

Reverend Mother, can I just say one thing? Yes.

My Aunt Louise has this fantastic recipe

for fudge brownies that would put Girl Scout cookies

out of business. Now, if we can just figure out a way

how to raise enough money to buy 300 pounds of fudge,

then we can use the new oven and...

Sister Bertrille.

Yes, Reverend Mother. I'm on my way to the chapel.

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