All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s02e23 Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters.eng

[barking]

[Jacqueline] Although the Convent San Tanco
is 400 years old

we do enjoy
most of the conveniences

of the 20th century.

We have telephones, television,
electric appliances,

and bills...

bills and more bills,

to pay for the repair
of these conveniences.

But two things have not changed
through the centuries,

the oven in which we bake
our bread and our bread.

When the wind is right,

its aroma sings a siren song
that no one can resist.

[snakecharmer music playing]

Providence often
works in mysterious ways.

On this particular day,

it brought us a stranger
whose temper,

as well as his automobile
radiator, was boiling.

Sister.

I beg your pardon, Sister.

But if I might impose
upon you?

Well, that's what we're here
for. What can I do for you?

I wonder if you could spare
a bucket of water

and just one slice
of that bread I smell.

Bread and water?

We may not be the richest
convent in the world,

but I'm sure we can come up with
a glass of milk and a sandwich.

I'm afraid you do not
understand, Sister.

You see, the water
is for my car radiator

and the bread is
only to satisfy a whim.

I only want to
see if the taste

can be half
as heavenly as the aroma.

Well, if it's heavenly bread
you're after,

you've certainly
come to the right place.

Right this way.

Here you are, senor.
Shovel up. Hmm?

Oh, she means
"dig in." You know,

like h-have another piece,
enjoy yourself.

I already have, Sister.

A whole loaf,
I'm ashamed to say.

Oh, don't worry, senor.

Sister Sixto will make
some more tomorrow.

Then I will try
to convince my car

to overheat at
precisely the same place.

It is marvelous.

Absolutely the best bread
I've ever tasted.

Thank you.

Many thanks, Sisters.

If ever I can
return your courtesies,

please do not
hesitate to call.

[Sixto] Goodbye.
[Jacqueline] Goodbye, senor.

Goodbye, Sisters.
[Sixto] Bye-bye.

[Bertrille] Bye.

"San Juan Grocery Company.
Roberto Sanchez, President."

Why, no wonder he knows
so much about bread.

His stores must sell
thousands of loaves a day.

Have we got
another bucket?

More water? What are you
going to do with it?

Retile the roof,
paint the chapel

and pay the dentist
for Ricardo's braces.

With a bucket
of water?

Se�orSanchez.
Se�orSanchez,

I-- I brought you
some more water.

But I have plenty, Sister.

Oh no, this isn't
for the car.

This is for you,
just in case you get thirsty.

You are
most considerate.

Well, anyone who's
as crazy about our bread...

Look at that windshield.

It's just filthy. Filthy.

That's odd I just had the car
washed this morning.

Well, that's the trouble
with the world today.

No one takes
pride in their work.

Except for a very few,

like Sister Sixto
when she bakes bread.

You can taste tender loving
care in every single bite.

Who would know
that better than I?

[Bertrille] And you're not the only one.

Oh, people come
from miles around just hoping

to taste a crumb
of Sister Sixto's bread.

I wish I could say the same
for the bread we sell.

And we're the second largest
grocery chain on the island.

You are? No kidding.

Did it ever occur to you

that being number two,
you have to bake harder?

Sister, are you trying
to tell me something?

Me? What could I
tell a man

who could have the largest
grocery chain in the island

if he only sold
the right kind of bread.

You mean Sister
Sixto's bread?

Are you offering
to sell Sister Sixto's bread?

I am?

Fantastic idea.

Sister Bertrille,
we are a teaching order

and not a baking order.

What about the Benedictine
monks and their brandy?

And bread's much
better than brandy

because you don't have
to be 21 to eat bread.

But, Sister Bertrille,
it is such a vast undertaking.

10 loaves, 200.
What's the difference?

190, to be precise.

Reverend Mother,
I know it sounds impossible.

But I've already
started the groundwork.

Some of the sisters have agreed
to help make the bread.

Se�orSanchez is in charge
of distribution.

Sister Jacqueline
is in charge of advertising...

Oh? I didn't know
that Sister Jacqueline

knew anything
about advertising.

Oh, yes.

She was once a file clerk

in a Madison Avenue
advertising agency.

Well, that should
qualify her eminently.

Now all I need
is your permission

to go ahead on one
insignificant little detail.

And what is that?

I have to promote
a $1,000 to buy an oven.

That sounds like
a significant big detail.

How do you intend
to raise that much money?

At the casino.

Sister Bertrille,
you are not going to gamble.

Only with my life.
I'm going to ask Carlos.

Come in.

Good morning.
Good morning, Sister.

What do you want this time?

Carlos, why is it that
every time I come over

to pay you a friendly call
you think I want something?

Because every time
you want something

you come to pay
a friendly call.

Well, not this time.

I've come to
give you something.

Hmm. Whatever it is
you're going to give me,

I cannot afford it.

It's free.

It's a loaf of Sister Sixto's
homemade bread.

Fine. Leave it right there.
I'll have it with my dinner.

No, you have to have it now.
It's fresh out of the oven.

Sister, let's make a deal.

One bite and you go.
Okay.

Mmh. Delicious.
Now, goodbye.

If you think
it's good that way,

you should try it with
a little butter on it.

And I just happen to have
a little butter right here.

You just happen
to have a little...

[Bertrille] Yummy, isn't it?

Well, now you should try it

with some strawberry jam,

[Bertrille] it's just fantastic.
Sister,

why do I get the feeling
that you're stuffing the goose

to make it lay
the golden egg?

Beg your pardon?

What do you want?

Oh. Well, now that you asked,

you see, the convent has decided
to bake bread to raise money

and I thought perhaps I could
put you down for a loaf?

You mean that's all
you've been leading up to?

You want me to
buy a loaf of bread?

One, single,
solitary loaf of bread?

My pleasure.

Don't you even want to know
how much it's going to cost?

How much can it cost?

For you, a $1,000.

A $1,000? For one, single,
solitary loaf of bread?

Well, it's for the oven
to bake the bread in.

You see, Carlos, we need
your dough to bake our bread.

With an oven like this
our problems are over.

Oh, it's beautiful.

There's only one
thing I'd like to know.

How did you get Se�orCarlos
to give you the money to buy it?

I cried a lot.

I got it.
I finally got it.

What is it?
The name and slogan

for our bread.
How does this strike you?

[Bertrille] "Buy Convent Bread.
Nun better."

None is spelled
N-O-N-E, no?

No, I think she meant it
to be a pun.

Oh.

Oh, I'm mixed up. Are we
baking bread or puns?

Very clever, but don't you
think people might think

that we only eat
it on holy days.

Well, I've got lots more.

Oh, terrific.

I like it.

Good.

But don't you think
we're opening ourselves up

for a lot of jokes like,

fit for angels, not humans?

Oh, yes. There's one
in every crowd.

Well, how does this grab you?

"Convent San Tanco bread.
The loaf with mass appeal."

"Mass," you get it?

It's wonderful.

But what will that do
to our Protestant trade?

In other words,
back to the diving board.

Sorry, Sister.

Well, as they say
on Madison Avenue,

that's the way
the bread crumbles.

Ta, ta.

[Jacqueline whistling]

Well, now that we have

the advertising campaign
rolling along,

we better start on
our production line.

First of all, of course,

Sister Sixto will be
in charge of mixing.

Any questions?
Uh, yes.

Uh, one loaf of bread
I know how to make,

but what is one pinch
of salt for 200 loaves?

200 pinches.

Oh!

Oh, and then I have
to figure out

how much flour
I'm gonna need.

Oh. Well, here's a pencil

and a piece of paper.

There you are.
Just multiply by 200.

Now then,
there's the kneading.

I'd better take
care of that myself.

Yeah? And then Sister Theresa

can handle the cutting
and shaping,

which leaves Sister Carla
for temperature control

before Sister Lupina puts the
unbaked loaves into the oven.

150 pounds of flour.
That's what I need.

Oh. How much
do you have on hand?

About 10 pounds.

Terrific.

Well,

Sister Bertrille,

is the Convent
San Tanco ready

to cast its bread
upon the public?

Oh, yes.
I have everything

worked out
to the last detail.

Excellent.

Except for one detail.

No. Not again. Absolutely not.
But Carlos...

Sister, I'm sorry. But the well
has finally run dry.

Are you sure? I mean, couldn't
you try and dig a little deeper?

I can dig
all the way to China

and the answer
will be the same.

You told me last time that
you wouldn't bother me again

if I loaned you
the money for the oven.

Yes, but we have
to get into business

and we can't get into business
until we bake some bread,

we can't bake any bread...

[both] Until we have some flour.

Right.

Look,

if you were
to bake 200 loaves,

how much flour
would you need?

About a pound per loaf.

If I were to ignore
my better judgment,

and if I were to lend you
the money for the flour,

how much would it cost me?

Well, if we go
to the Lopez Mill

it will cost about
a dime per pound,

but if we pay cash, we can
get it for eight cents a pound

from the Garcia Brothers.
Okay.

Get it from Garcia Brothers.

But there's only one thing,

the Garcia Brothers
only give the discount

with a minimum
order of one ton.

One ton. One ton!
2,000 pounds!

Well, look at it this way,
Carlos.

With all that flour
we'll be doing

so much baking
that I won't have time

to come over and ask
you for anything else.

Finally,
the great moment arrived.

Sister Sixto began to mix
the ingredients

with love and precision.

Well, with love, anyway.

[Sixto] 94, 95,

96,

97, 98,

99...

Are you sure we can't
help you, Sister Sixto?

100.

You got to keep
the rhythm.

102...

103...

♪ Michael,
row the boat ashore ♪

106...

107.

♪ Hallelujah... ♪
Sisters, look!

[all clamoring]

Look at that.

It's all their fault.

No, it was the both of them.

Well, now calm down,
everybody.

Calm down!

Now, who was in charge
of putting in the yeast?

Don't just stand there.
Attack.

[Jacqueline] We managed to overcome our
initial production problems

and prepared to make
our first delivery.

Well, how do you
like the name

that Sister Jacqueline
came up with?

It's a real zinger,
isn't it?

[Bertrille] "Mother's Superior Bread."

Yes, indeed.
It is a zinger.

Thanks. I'm still
working on the slogan.

Oh, let me try this on you.
Now get this.

"Make our habit your habit."

Wow, that's really catchy,
isn't it?

Do you wish
a frank answer?

I've got a lot more
where that came from.

Sister Bertrille,

I don't want you to get
a ticket, but if you hurry,

the bread will still be warm
when you deliver it.

All right. I'll push her
to her limits.

Sister Bertrille,
not too fast.

Reverend Mother, her limit
is 15 miles an hour.

[car exhaust popping]

[Reverend Mother] Are you all right,
Sister Bertrille?

Never mind me.
What about the bread?

[Bertrille coughing]

Oh, thank goodness.
For a minute I thought

we were going to have
200 loaves of toast.

Swell.

[police alarm going off]

Se�or,pull around
the corner, please.

Good morning,
Sister. Se�or,

do you realize you
have been exceeding

the speed limit
by five miles an hour?

Well...
I can explain that.

You see, we were
in a great hurry.

So, you admit it?

I did not admit anything.
She admitted it.

Se�or,are you asking me
to doubt the word of a nun?

Why didn't you stop when I
signaled you back there?

Oh, we couldn't see you.

If you look for yourself,
you'll see

that the rearview mirror
is completely blocked.

Excuse me, Sister.
Do you mind speaking

a little slower, please?

I do not want to
miss a single violation.

In fact, there is
no need for the...

for the Sister
to continue.

I admit I was speeding.

Now, if you make out a citation,
I'll be happy to accept it.

A wise decision, senor.

Now, if I can have
your license?

Yes.

My license.

Yes, your license.

Well, I'm afraid,
in my great rush

to help the Sister,
I left it in my other coat.

Driving without a license.

Officer, it's really
not his fault.

You see, he just
wanted to make sure

that we got the bread to the
store while it was still fresh.

Oh, in that case,
I understand.

Oh, you do?
Certainly.

You are using a private vehicle
for commercial purposes.

Where is your permit, please?

Well, I don't have any.

I see.

Speeding,
no license and no permit,

rear view mirror blocked...

Now wait a minute, officer.

I know this man personally.

He's a very upstanding
citizen.

He's Carlos Ramirez.
Casino Carlos.

Casino Carlos, really?

Yes, and I'm sure
if you'd drop in any time

he'd be just delighted
to buy you a drink.

Buy me a drink, huh?

Yes.

To the other charges,

we will add trying
to bribe an officer.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Carlos, what would
we do without you?

I don't know,
but I wish you'd try.

Thanks for the ride home.

Sister, dropping you off is one
of the highlights of my day.

I'm sorry about
all those traffic citations.

We'll pay for them.

Just put them on the bill
we already owe you.

And other than that,
I don't know what to say.

How about, "Goodbye"?
Oh, oh, wait, wait.

I keep forgetting.
This is for you.

It's the first one
off our production line.

I--I hope you enjoy it.

I'll eat it. If I ever
get my appetite back.

Thank you.

No luck, Sisters.

It's not in any of
the mixing bowls.

And the only thing in
these flour sacks is flour.

What's going on here?

Sister Sixto lost her ring.

How? When?

If I knew how and when
I would also know where,

then it would not be lost.

Well, when did
you first miss it?

When I was through with the
baking my finger felt funny.

Funny? In what way?

Well, you know, naked.

You don't suppose...

Oh, no.

What? What?
Well, if your ring fell off

while you were
kneading that dough...

It could be in
one of our breads.

And if someone
buys that bread...

And bites
into the ring...

Then I'll get it back.
And what do you suppose

will happen to
Mother's Superior Bread?

We could end up
in Superior Court.

That's right.

The Convent San Tanco
air force

went into action as
soon as we learned

which ofSe�or Sanchez's
stores were selling our bread.

Unfortunately for us,

our bread had sold
like hotcakes

and Sister Bertrille
was able to recover

only a fraction of
what we had baked.

This is like looking for
a needle in a haystack.

Oh, somebody lost
a needle, too?

It's just
an expression, Sister.

Oh. I'd like to hear an
expression like, "I found it."

Well, just keep looking.

We can't leave
one crumb unturned.

I do hope that the pigeons
have a good appetite.

Oh. Well, ladies,

it looks like we've broken
our last bread.

Oh, boy.
What do we do now?

Well, the public
must be notified.

Well, we could put
an ad in the newspaper.

Like under
"Lost and found."

"Lost and found?"
[Bertrille] Yes.

Lost, one gold ring

last seen in bread
shaped container.

Sister Bertrille, exactly
what are you suggesting?

Well, I just wanted
to warn the public

without making us the laughing
stock of the bakery business.

Yes, but that is ridiculous.

By the time
the newspapers come out,

most of the bread
will be eaten.

Wait a minute.
I think I've got it.

What?

We could get a bulletin
on the 6:00 news.

Oh, swell. Instant bankruptcy
coast to coast.

Not necessarily.

What do you mean,
Sister Jacqueline?

Well, with a little
Madison Avenue touch,

we could turn this
to our advantage.

MAN [on radio]
...and to the finder of the lucky ring,

in the lucky loaf
of Mother's Superior Bread,

the Sisters will award
a one year supply

of this mouth-watering
delicacy.

So, think before you slice.

Look before you chew.

Who knows, you might
be the lucky winner.

And now,
the news continues.

I wonder if we might have
been better off

if we'd found a more
direct approach to our problem.

Well that was direct,
Reverend Mother.

In an indirect sort of way.

Yes. Instead of
frightening the public

we offer them something
for nothing.

It's the old
Madison Avenue approach.

And all we're doing is just
paying for our own mistake.

And what could be
fairer than that?

[knocking on door]

Good afternoon.

Carlos, you're not
angry anymore?

Boy, you can sure
hold a grudge.

Se�orRamirez, it's always
a pleasure to see you.

Thank you.

Did you hear
about our contest?

I did. Meet the winner.

I beg your pardon?

My ring. Oh, see
the engraving, it's mine.

It's mine. Thank you.
Oh, is that dumb luck?

It was in your
bread all the time.

[Reverend Mother] How fortunate.

A-a-and you found it
when you cut into it?

Not when I cut into it...

You know, I once read
in a magazine

about a man who grew
a third tooth.

Maybe it was in a newspaper.

Maybe it was on television.

Maybe I made it up.

Reverend Mother,
I've got great news.

We solved the mystery.

Splendid. However, I was not
aware that we had a mystery.

Yes. Well, we didn't want
to burden you with it

until we had the solution.

It turns out
that Sister Sixto's bread

has a 9.5 return factor

in relation
to consumer acceptance.

Uh, could you translate
that for me, Sister Bertrille?

The customers hated it.

Well, I cannot believe that.

I believe it.
What went wrong?

Well, that was the mystery. Now,
it couldn't have been the flour,

the yeast, the butter
or the eggs,

so there's only one
thing left. The oven.

But it's a new oven.
Well, that's the point.

This is an old recipe and
it probably needs an old oven

to bring out the subtle
old world flavor.

Well, it was a short
business career,

but a merry one.

Well, now that we've
found out the problem,

we're not going to give up.

Now, we can get rid of
the new oven, we'll probably get

a very good price for it
because it's hardly been used.

With that money,
we can scout around

and find 10
old stone ovens.

Sister Bertrille...
I know what you're gonna say,

Reverend Mother. Where
are we going to put them?

Well, we've got it
all figured out.

Now, we can knock
out the south wall

in the kitchen and extend it
10 feet into the chapel.

Now...
Into the chapel?

Well, we hardly ever pray
at the same time

and there's always empty pews...
Sister Bertrille,

may I suggest that you use

one of those pews
immediately and pray?

Pray for the return
of your sanity?

Yes, Reverend Mother.

Reverend Mother, can I
just say one thing? Yes.

My Aunt Louise has this
fantastic recipe

for fudge brownies that would
put Girl Scout cookies

out of business. Now,
if we can just figure out a way

how to raise enough money
to buy 300 pounds of fudge,

then we can use
the new oven and...

Sister Bertrille.

Yes, Reverend Mother.
I'm on my way to the chapel.

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