All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s02e19 The Kleptomonkeyac.eng

[barking]

[Jacqueline]
Carlos Ramirez was one of the best friends

the Convent San Tanco had.

So when he asked us to care

for a little boy
named Pepe for a few days,

we readily agreed.

Sister Bertrille,
I thought that you said

that Se�orRamirez
wanted us to care

for a little boy named Pepe?

I believe he said
a cute little fellow named Pepe.

That's a cute
little fellow?

Well, isn't he?

Se�orRamirez,
why did you not tell us

that you were
talking about a monkey?

Oh, didn't I mention it?

No. But on the other hand,

he didn't say
it wasn't a monkey.

The fact remains that this
is an orphanage and not a zoo.

But Pepe is an orphan,
Reverend Mother.

Can't you stretch
things a little,

and take care of Pepe
until Dolores comes back?

The children
would go ape for him.

Oh, please,
Reverend Mother.

We could take care of him
for practically nothing.

Peanuts, in fact.

I really do not
know what to say.

Well, I would take care of him,
Reverend Mother.

I know all about monkeys.

I saw King Kong
six times.

[Reverend Mother] Very well, Sister Bertrille.

But he will be
your responsibility.

Thank you,
Reverend Mother.

[Carlos] He's not gonna give
you any troubles at all.

Ooh...

[honking]

[whimpering]

[chattering]

Come down here at once.
Do you hear me?

That's no way to
handle a monkey, Sister.

Well, if you're such an expert,
let's see you get him down.

Okay.

Look at that.
How you like that, jellybean?

Oh...

[chattering]

That's amazing.

How did you get him
to come to you like that?

Oh, it was easy.
I just used my charm,

my knowledge of
animal psychology

and a couple of jellybeans.

[Jacqueline]
It was a little too late in the semester

to enroll Pepe in school.

So he had to wait
until recess to enjoy

the companionship of
children his own age.

He was fair at jump rope.

In skating,
he wasn't Olympic caliber.

But in football,
he was all-American.

It was a pleasure
to have him around.

And his visit would
have been a pleasure

if it weren't for
Captain Fomento.

In the company of his trusted
Sergeant Salazar,

the Captain came
to pay us a call.

Or, as Sister Bertrille
might say, he fell in.

Oh, Captain Fomento.
Are you all right?

Yes. But I would prefer
to roller skate

during my leisure hours.

Excuse me.

I do not wish
to alarm you, Sisters,

but in the last few days,

there have been a series

of burglaries
in this neighborhood.

Burglaries?

Sergeant Salazar,
will you read to the ladies

the list of stolen items?

"Three pairs of socks,

four pair of under-shorts,
six t-shirts..."

That's my laundry list.

I will read the list.

"Gold and crystal perfume bottle
from Se�oritaDiaz.

"A man's gold cigarette case
from Se�orArruza.

"White gold ladies' zircon ring
from Se�oraBelmonte.

"A gold keychain
from Se�orPerez."

Dear me. You seem to have

a genuine crime wave
on your hands.

Yes. That's why I've
come here to find out

if anything has
been stolen from you.

Oh, no, no, nothing.

We have nothing
of value here.

What about this
sterling silver candlestick?

It's only silver-plated,
Captain.

But the average thief
does not know the difference.

Well, no,
I suppose not,

but I'm sure no one would
steal anything from a convent.

Might I remind you of the famous
story of a man who stole

just such a candlestick
from a church?

War and Peace,
I believe.

That was
Les Miserables.

Exactly.

[Bertrille] Pepe.

You naughty boy.

Oh, look,
he's offering me a...

Thank you very much.

That's not funny. No.

Come on.
You can come with me

and help me
set the table for lunch.

Come on.

Will you gentlemen join us?

We will be eating
in a few moments.

Why, thank you,
Reverend Mother.

I'd love to.

I'm sorry, Reverend Mother,
but we cannot accept.

Why not?

[buzzing]
What was that?

It's my alarm wristwatch.
Would you mind...

Oh.
Yes.

It is reminding us
that we have an appointment

to catch a thief.

Oh, well,

might I wash my hands
before I go, please?

Yes, of course,
Captain.

Just go down the hall
and turn to the right.

To the right.
Salazar, come along.

I still don't understand why
we have to pass up a free lunch.

Because we have no time.

While we dilly and dally here,
the thief may strike again.

But we have to eat,
don't we?

Salazar, when you have been in
police work as long as I have,

you will learn that
the only way to solve

a case is through
diligence and application.

We must find him, Salazar.

How?

How else is a thief caught?

By studying his
modus operandi.

Now listen carefully.

In quick succession,
he strikes at the houses

of Arruza, Belmonte,
Diaz and Perez.

Now, what does
this tell us?

It tells us he likes to steal
from Puerto Ricans.

What else, hombre,
what else?

He is stupid because he steals
worthless objects.

Now, I intend to
have this stupid thief

in my custody
before nightfall.

We have exactly...

My watch!

It's gone.

Well, maybe you left
it in the washroom.

Let us hope so, Salazar.
Let us hope so!

Sister Bertrille?

[watch alarm buzzing]

I know you took off
your watch to wash your hands

and you put it
down there...

I don't understand.

That is why you are a sergeant
and I am a captain.

Let me get to the point.

Now, there has been a rash
of robberies

in the area of the convent,

yet nothing has been stolen
from the convent itself,

except my watch.

What are you saying,
Captain?

I am saying nothing.

Except this. That I believe

that your instincts
may have been correct.

Why should we
pass up a free lunch?

Would you like another piece,
Captain Fomento?

Yes, please. I find that when
I'm working on a case,

my deductive powers
are always in need of

a constant refueling.

Yes, I guess your brain
does get pooped.

Indeed.
My mind is always ticking.

Tell me, Captain, do you have
any suspects in the case?

Naturally.

Well, could you give us
some guess who the suspects are?

When you have been in police
work as long as I have,

you will learn that
most of the times,

the people who you least suspect
are the most suspicious.

In most cases, when you are
tracking down a thief,

it is not so important as to
look into the suspect's face,

but rather to
examine their habits.

I think we've taken up
enough of Se�orFomento's time.

[chuckling]

Perhaps.

But I must say
that never before

has my time been
stolen so delightfully.

Oh, and speaking about time,

do any of you ladies
know what time it is?

Why, Captain,
whatever happened

to that lovely alarm watch
that you have?

I must have misplaced it
someplace in the convent.

Well, can we help you
look for it?

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.

I would much rather
that you Sisters remain here

and allow me to
make my own search.

Salazar, let's go.

One moment,
Captain Fomento.

With all due respect,
I'm familiar with the law

and I don't believe
you can search the convent

without a warrant.

Sister Jacqueline!

Say no more!
A search warrant is necessary.

Although I have found that when
people ask for a search warrant,

generally they have
something to hide.

Come, Salazar!

[chatters]

Why would she steal
Captain Fomento's watch?

She has a watch.

Two watches. And all the clocks
she can use.

Not to mention the bell
which strikes out the hour.

Exactly.
And why this?

Why, she's never smoked a single
cigarette in her whole life.

Exactly. The whole idea
is preposterous.

Why, Pepe,
I'm surprised at you.

Taking things from
the Reverend Mother's desk.

Well, don't you know
if you take one thing

it may lead
to another and another?

[chattering]

Oh.

Empty already?

Well, I'll get you
some more jellybeans

if you promise me
you won't take anything else.

Deal?

Deal.

Don't forget to
take your nap.

Reverend Mother,
I'm going into town

to do some shopping,
and I was wondering

if I could borrow a quarter
from the children's candy fund

to buy Pepe
some more jellybeans.

I'm afraid
he's run out.

You mean he's finished
that jar already?

Yeah. I'm afraid
he's a jellybean freak.

[stutters]

Yes. I see.
Well, of course,

you may borrow a quarter,
Sister Bertrille.

Why, thank you
very much, Reverend.

I'll just put it right...

[exclaims]

Oh! I... Oh!

I forgot.
Your letter opener.

You see, when I
came into the room...

Yes, Sister Bertrille.

Just run along.

Yeah.

Thank you,
Reverend Mother.

She borrowed it,
of course.

Of course.

Of course.

We often borrow things
from one another.

Oh, it happens
all the time.

All the time.

And there is a difference
between borrowing and stealing.

Oh, all the difference
in the world.

Oh, Reverend Mother,
what do you think we should do?

Follow her.

[speaking in Spanish]

I'd like a quarter's
worth of jellybeans.

Yes, of course.

Assorted colors,
and go heavy on the blacks.

Anything else?

No.

The children at our convent
need so many things,

I could buy up half the store,
but I only have one quarter.

I see.

You know, Sister,
I have been meaning

to make a contribution
to your order.

So, why not just take
everything you need, eh?

Oh, that's so nice of you.

Hello, Sister.

Sister Jacqueline.

I was just
picking out a book.

[chuckling]
Oh.

How To Win At Poker.

Oh, yes, I want to send it
to my nephew in high school.

He's looking
for summer work.

Why don't we go along
to the convent, my dear?

Well, Sisters, did you get
everything you need?

Well, yes,
thank you so much.

And here are your jellybeans.

That's a quarter's worth?

Who's counting, Sister?

Oh...

There's something funny
going on around here.

Well, never mind about that,
dear. Now, just come along.

Now wait a minute,
Sister Jacqueline.

Someone's been stealing stuff
out of my basket.

Well, maybe it's someone
who needs special attention.

Who? Who?

Thank you. Se�or,
this is all we'll need.

You accused
the Sisters of stealing

from parking meters
and you were wrong.

You accused them of being
art forgers and you were wrong.

You also accused them of running
a crooked charity bazaar

and you were wrong.

What makes you think
you're right this time?

The law of averages
is on my side.

She's not a criminal,
Reverend Mother.

She's... She's ill.

Yes, that's...
That's true. She is.

And what I must do

is call Dr. Martinez,

and after she has had
some psychiatric care,

then I'll notify
Captain Fomento.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Reverend Mother,
Sister Jacqueline,

you wanted to see me?

Yes. Please sit down,
Sister Bertrille.

We have something
we think you ought to see.

You found the loot that
Captain Fomento was looking for.

Sister Jacqueline found it.

Well, you must know
who the thief is then.

Well, yes, dear.

But we're not
dealing with a thief.

We're dealing
with a kleptomaniac.

How awful.

Well, where did
you find it?

In the convent.

A kleptomaniac
in the convent.

Do you know who it is?

We have a pretty
good idea.

Well, I don't know
what to say.

You don't have
to say anything.

Why, I mean, I guess it could
happen to anyone.

Anyone.

Yes.

Well, may I make
a suggestion?

Yes, Sister Bertrille.

Why don't you return
what's been stolen?

Why, yes, of course, that--that
is an excellent suggestion.

Don't you think so,
Sister Jacqueline?

It's wonderful.

And I'm so glad
it came from you.

Well, it's only right.

Why don't I take
care of it for you?

Uh, no, no. We--We will take
care of it. Thank you.

Well, why don't you
just stay here and keep busy?

Uh, polish the silver.

No! The silver's
already polished.

Why don't you go and help
Sister Sixto with the dinner?

Why, yes.
Yes, of course.

[speaking in Spanish]

Isn't that interesting?

The last of the stolen items
has been returned.

Now, what do you
say to that, Salazar?

Now we can
drop the case.

Does it not matter to you
that in each case,

just before
the stolen item was returned,

the victim was visited
by a Sister

of the Convent of San Tanco?

Captain, are you saying
that the Sisters are thieves?

Of course not.

That is for the judge
and jury to decide.

I can't believe it.

I won't believe it unless I see
one of them with the goods.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Excuse me, Captain.

[Fomento] How do you do?

I just stopped by
to drop off your watch.

We found it
on the premises.

Oh, so I see.

Do you see, Salazar?

Aren't you
going to take it?

Of course.

Well, I have to be going.
Adios, Se�ores.

Adios.

[exclaims]

I have my watch,
her fingerprints.

[laughing]

I have the case.

[crunching]

Hello? Oh, hi, Carlos.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

He's naughty, but nice.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Oh, that was
your Uncle Carlos.

Dolores is coming home today and
he's coming over to pick you up.

Pepe, bring that back here!

Uh, Captain Fomento,

before you jump to
any conclusions about the thief,

I--I think that there are

certain things
that you ought to know

and perhaps y-you might feel
differently about things

if I could
just explain...

Well, Reverend Mother, please.

Do not play
upon my sympathies.

Because once I have cornered
the guilty person,

it is very hard to trip me.

Sister Bertrille is gone
and she's taken the candlestick.

Sister Jacqueline...

So, we meet again,
Sister Jacqueline!

Captain Fomento.

Salazar!
Yes, my Captain?

Sister Bertrille
is somewhere out there

with a hot candlestick.

You throw a dragnet.

I will...

[whistle blowing]

[Bertrille] Pepe.

Pepe, you come down
from there this instant

or you've eaten
your last jellybean.

All right, if that's
the way you want it.

[Pepe chattering]

[Bertrille] Now listen to me.
You listen to me.

You want me to
lose my temper?

I want you to give me
back my candlestick.

The game is over,
Sister Bertrille!

Captain Fomento.

I would suggest you
come down immediately

and come along quietly.

[exclaims]

Reverend Mother. Sisters.

Oh, Chief Galindo,
I am so glad to see you.

Thank you.

And what are they
doing here?

That is why I have invited you
to my office, Chief Galindo.

I have wrapped up the case.

What?

Who did you arrest?

I want to make it
clear though, eh?

That the evidence
was incontrovertible.

Items were stolen,
items were returned.

But I have fingerprints,
eyewitnesses...

Who did you arrest?

I was forced to arrest...

You see, Dolores,
I told you he was all right.

Pepe.
Oh, you naughty, naughty boy.

Kiss. Mmm...

What is the meaning of this?

Oh, Carlos told me
all about what happened.

About the perfume bottle
and the candlesticks.

Se�orita,are you sure...
Do you mean...

That's right, Captain.
He steals.

Well, well, well,
a klepto-monkey-ac.

You mean you weren't...
You didn't...

[Fomento] As I was saying,
Chief Galindo,

in the face of
the clear-cut evidence,

I was forced to

arrest this monkey.

Captain, I've finished
the arrest report

on Sister Bertrille, and once
we get her fingerprints...

No, Salazar.

I'll take that.

Your badge, Fomento.

It's gone!

Pepe, now you give the Captain's
badge back right this minute.

[Galindo] Let him keep it, Sister.

That monkey may do
a better job than this one.

Captain, I-- I'm sorry.

I know you were just
doing your duty as you saw it.

Well, then,
you forgive me?

She does, Captain.

Forgiving is our business.

Well, I don't want to seem
to appear too presumptuous,

but if the name
of Chief Galindo

should come up into
one of your prayers,

could you make a request
that he return my badge?

[Pepe chattering]

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