All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s02e18 The Boyfriend.eng

[barking]

[Jacqueline] This is Convent San Tanco,

an oasis of tranquility,
a haven of harmony,

and right now the home
of the 48-hour virus.

I was the first casualty.

To be followed in feverish
order by Sister Ana,

and right down the alphabet
to Sister Zorina.

Only one of us
was miraculously spared.

Doing double duty at triple
time, she did the laundry,

KP duty,

and fetched the provisions.

The 48-hour virus
left on schedule

and we sisters
were fully recovered.

But Sister Bertrille
ended up suffering

from nervous exhaustion.

Se�or Garcia,
manager of the Hotel Palomar,

is a generous
patron of the convent,

and the Reverend Mother
made arrangements with him

for Sister Bertrille to take
a long weekend

of rest and relaxation.

I came along
as her companion.

What's a six-letter word
meaning penurious?

Penurious.
What does penurious mean?

Oh, stingy.

How about stingy?

Why didn't I think of that?
S-T-I-N-G-Y.

You're looking
your old self again.

Well, the thing I like
about this vacation

is not looking my old self.

Hmm?
I mean, I love wearing the habit

but sometimes
it's nice to be anonymous.

Good morning, Sisters.

Good morning.
Good morning.

[Jacqueline] Pardon me, sir.

How did you know we were nuns?

You don't recognize me?

I'm Bishop Diaz of San Rafael.

Oh, how are you?

I tell you, Randy, we're really
missing the boat this year.

Every manufacturer
at this convention

is showing space toys.

Astronauts, moon ships,
men from Mars.

I hear somebody's even
coming out with a time machine.

What does it do? Tell time?

Go ahead, laugh.
Very funny.

But what do we push with
the Rockhauser stores, huh?

I think that Stockdale
is much too conservative

to go for
a Hannah-the-Hippie doll.

I wonder if it's possible.

Oh, sure, it's possible,
but it isn't very likely.

She sure looks like Elsie.

Hannah looks like Elsie?

Who's Hannah?

Hannah the Hippie.
Who are you talking about?

Oh, that girl
across the pool.

The...

I met her years ago
at, uh, Camp Laughing Water.

Ah, what a summer that was.

[plucking merry tune]

Name, rank
and serial number.

Elsie Ethrington,
counselor in training, cabin 6.

Nice to know you, Cabin 6.
My name is...

Randy Putnam,
senior counselor,

swimming instructor,
tennis coach,

music appreciation,
and camp Casanova.

I've heard all about you.

You've heard wrong.

I've got nothing
to do with swimming.

It's a lovely night.

Thank you.

You're crying.
Well...

It's the way you
play the guitar.

Shall I stop?

Oh, no! No.

I could listen
to you forever.

I'll just cry quietly.

The next day
I taught her sailor knots,

uh, took her for a hike,
and worked on her backhand.

By the time camp closed,
we were going steady.

Very interesting.
Isn't it?

No, I mean, how about a boy
and girl doll who go steady?

"A three-toed sloth."

Could that be Randy?

Randy?

R-A-N-D-Y.
No, it doesn't fit.

Oh, forget the sloth.
Now, let's see.

Thirty-four down.

"Argentinean soccer star."
Heh, really?

He was head counselor
at children's camp.

A shy boy with a skin problem.

[guitar playing tunelessly]

Hi.

I'm Elsie Ethrington,
counselor in training, cabin 6.

Hi. I'm Randy Putnam,
senior counselor.

All alone?

Yep.

May I?

You don't talk
very much, do you?

I'm not very good
with words.

I let my guitar
speak for me.

[discordant strumming]

I'm not very good
with my guitar, either.

[playing upbeat Spanish tune]

Wow. You sure don't
look Spanish.

I'm not. But when I get
involved in something,

I really get involved.

I call that a real
talent for living.

Well, it's a talent
that can be taught.

Yeah.

Uh, have a Fig Newton,
teacher.

All he lacked was confidence.

By the end of the summer,

I had him playing the guitar
like Segovia,

singing like Robert Goulet,

and dancing like
he had two left feet.

Dancing wasn't his bag.

"Dracula's manservant"?

By the time camp was over with,
we started going steady.

Randy!

Elsie.

I thought I recognized you.

What are you doing here?

Well, actually... Oh, my!

Oh, how are you?

What are you doing here?

Uh, toy convention.
Oh.

I went into Dad's business.
Oh.

Oh, where are you living?

Well, right now I'm living...
[Tom] Randy.

Hey, hey, Randy! We've got to
meet Stockdale in 10 minutes.

Okay. Okay, listen, Elsie.

It won't be long,
a half-hour maybe.

Please come up to
my suite for a drink.

Oh, I don't know
about a drink, but...

Uh, Suite 407.

Yeah, of course
I miss you, Liz.

Don't forget to
give my love to...

If you can make it by the
weekend, it'd be great. Yeah.

Yeah. Call me
the minute you know.

[kissing]
Bye, hon.

Well, ask me how we did.

[sighing]
How about a drink first?

It won't help.

One half gross of Mr. Monster,
that's how we did.

From a chain that has over
30 stores in the Midwest alone.

You know, that's like getting
a 10-cent tip

from the Shah of Iran.

Ah, it's a long convention.

Oh, yes, but we're running
short of customers.

Ah, come on, relax.

Listen, Liz may come
for the weekend.

If she does, we'll double-date.
You'll love Elsie.

[knocking on door]
Yeah.

Oh, that must be Elsie now.

Hello. I'm Sister Bertrille.

[Randy] She's a million laughs.

I just had my first laugh.

Please.
Won't you come in, please?

I'm Tom Grant.
I'm Randy's associate.

Oh, it's very nice
to meet you.

Is that Elsie?

A reasonable facsimile.

Swell. I was just telling Tom
that--that we might double...

Date. I can't stand
unfinished sentences.

Will you excuse me?

I, uh, I didn't, uh,
recognize you.

Oh, well, that's because I look
a lot shorter in a bathing suit.

Quite a...

Why a nun?
Why the toy business?

Dad insisted I join his firm.
Simple.

Oh. Well, I insisted
on joining a convent. Simple.

It can't be that simple.

You had to have
some motivation.

Oh, I did.

Uh, anybody for anything?

Yeah. Anything. Double.

Ma'am? Miss?

Sister Bertrille.
No, thank you.

Well, uh,

you certainly have nice weather
here in San Juan.

Oh, yes.

It's normal, uh,
for this time of the year.

You don't say.

Yeah, it's normal
for this time of year.

You don't say.

You have a headache?

Migraine. Migraine.

I--I get them
when I'm under tension.

The, uh, toy business is
not for kids. No indeed.

It's--It's fraught
with danger.

First you have to, uh,
design a toy,

and then you have to, uh, retool
the factory to bring out the toy

and then, of course, there's
the problem of selling the toy

and you're a nun, huh?

Perhaps you should lie down.

Sorry, Elsie, but this...

Oh, no, no.
No apologies, really.

It's been swell seeing you again
Yes.

and talking over old times.
Yes.

And if you're ever
near the Convent San Tanco,

do please drop in
and see me.

Oh, first chance I get.

First chance. Anytime.
Yes, yes.

Well, it was nice
meeting you.

Bye.
Yes.

A nun. She's a nun.
Don't you understand?

Well, sure I understand.
You don't understand.

How can you understand
if you don't know the story?

We were going
steady for eight months.

Then, one night when I-- when I
brought her home from a party,

we started to...

Dull party, wasn't it?
Oh...

I could hardly wait
to get home.

Elsie... Elsie, I'd like to talk
to you about something.

Oh, do we have to?

I'm afraid so.

Elsie, how long have we been
going together?

Well, it seems like forever.

Eight months.

And I think we ought to
come to a decision.

Oh. Oh, I agree.

You're letting me go?

Say you forgive me.

Oh, oh, I--I--I forgive you.
I--I forgive you.

Well, I guess
I'd better be going.

Oh, do you have to
rush off?

It's better this way.

I guess you'll be dating
other guys now.

Randy, after going steady
with you for eight months,

I may give up men entirely.

I feel terrible about this.

What will you do, Elsie?

What do you think? I'll--

I'll join a convent
and become a nun.

Good night.
And I...

A nun.
Now do you understand?

Oh, she didn't mean it.

If she didn't mean it,
why is she a nun?

Oh, the guilt, Tom, the guilt.
How can I live with the guilt?

I've destroyed her life.
She looked happy to me.

Happy?

Didn't you see how red her eyes
were from crying?

That was from the chlorine
in the pool, same as yours.

Oh, I wish I could
believe that.

Well, buddy,
you've got to.

Unless you want two years of
analysis to go down the drain.

Oh, I wish I was
on Dr. Shaffmeister's

couch right now.

Randy, have your drink.

We'll go out.
We'll get a good dinner.

We'll talk toys,
come back, get to bed early,

and I promise you,
in the morning

you'll feel
a lot better about it. Huh.

[Jacqueline] And he would have.

Except that night
it turned unusually muggy

and Sister Bertrille decided
a short flight around town

might be refreshing
before retiring.

So, without a thing
on her mind, she took off.

What are you doing?
Operator.

Operator, I want to talk

to Dr. Frederic Shaffmeister
in New York,

and hurry.
This is an emergency.

[Jacqueline] It was good
to be away.

It was nice to be back.

It was heartwarming to know
how we were missed.

And now for the rotten part.

"Forgive me. Randy."

"Forgive me. Randy"?
For what?

He had a headache
when I went to visit him

at his suite
so I didn't stay,

but he was very polite
and I wasn't mad or anything.

What I always say
is never look a pony in the eye.

A donkey in the face?

Try "a gift horse
in the mouth."

[Jacqueline] The gift horse came through
again the following day.

"Forgive me. Randy."

That must have been
some headache.

[Jacqueline] To be followed
in quick succession by...

And a...

A stolen mink.

You mean a mink stole.

I mean where's this fellow
getting all the money

for all these presents,
if he's not stealing?

"Something to warm you
on your next vacation. Randy."

Oh, what happened
to "forgive me"?

"P.S. Forgive me."

What am I going to do
with all this?

Well, either return them
or open a thrift shop.

I'm not being
unreasonable, Liz.

I'm being as reasonable
as I can in my condition.

Uh, the circumstances are

that I'm too business
with busy...

Busy with business,
to spend any time with you.

I-I'm tied up 24 hours a day.

Uh, tell her, Tom.
Tell her. Tell her.

Twenty-four hours a day.
Listen, Liz.

I love you,
I miss you, I want you,

but right now, stay home.

That's funny. My name
doesn't begin with a "B."

Yeah, that's because
I didn't buy it for you.

You're not going to even try
to lie your way out of it?

I'd try, Liz, but, uh,
what's the use?

She's on her way up
right now.

Tom, how could you let him?

Well, it-it's
not what you think, Liz.

It's not?
It's worse.

[Randy] Excuse me.

Tom, I'm going to
fight for him.

I won't let a weekend romance...
Yeah. Well, excuse me, huh?

Come in. Come in.

[Randy] Uh, Elsie,
Sister Bertrille,

my fiancee, Liz Martin.

Oh, well, it's very nice
to meet you.

Oh, you didn't tell me
you were engaged.

It, uh, slipped his mind.
Okay.

Uh, may I speak
to you privately?

Yeah, not necessary.

She knows
about the presents.

This is the...

She's a nun!

Oh, I'm a novice, actually.

Oh, for a novice
you're doing just fine.

Thank you.
He's very embarrassing.

He's so generous.

Uh, I came to ask you
not to send me more presents.

It's kind of hard
to return them.

No more presents.
No more.

And no more of those dumb notes
asking me to forgive you.

For what?

That's what
I'd like to know. For what?

I'll write you
a long letter some time.

Here comes my migraine.

Well, I guess that's my cue.

Uh, why don't you
hide his checkbook?

He's just impossible.

It was so nice meeting you.
Yes. Goodbye.

Liz, uh,
did you ever see a...

A nun fly?

No, I can't say I have.

I wish I could say that.

Now he wants to
break our engagement

until he gets his
mental health back.

Oh, that's flaky.

It never happened
that way at all.

You didn't tell him
you were going into a nunnery?

Convent. No, I didn't.

Would you like to know
what really happened that night?

Well, it was about 10:00...

Dull party, wasn't it?

I could hardly wait
to get home.

Elsie, I...

Elsie, I'd like to...

Like to, uh, talk to you
about something.

Oh, do we have to?

I'm afraid so.

Elsie, how long have we
been going together?

It seems like forever.

Yeah. Eight months.

And I think we ought to
come to a decision.

Oh, I agree.

You're letting me go.

Say you forgive me.

Oh, I forgive you.
I forgive you.

Well, I--I guess
I'd better be going.

Oh, do you have to rush off?

It's better this way.

I guess you'll be
dating other guys now.

Randy, after going steady
with you for eight months,

I may give up men entirely.

I feel terrible
about this.

What will you do, Elsie?

Oh, what do you think
I'll do?

I'll--I'll join a convent
and become a nun.

[knocking on door]

Well, please tell me again.

Randy had nothing to do
with your becoming a nun?

Nothing. That happened
about a year after that

when my Aunt Doris
came to visit me.

She was a missionary
in the Belgian Congo...

Well, that's another story.

Anyway, he's all yours.

I'm not so sure.

Randy has been
in analysis for two years

trying to work out
his problems.

And he was just beginning
to feel good about himself.

Well, i-if I tell him
the truth now,

I'll run the risk of
making him regress,

of making him feel
ridiculous and stupid.

Oh.

Well, it seems to me
you have two choices.

Not to marry somebody
who feels like a rat

or not to marry someone
who feels like a fool.

Well. Randy and I met
at a friendship club.

I can always
renew my membership.

Oh, well,
that's ridiculous.

You might get someone worse.

I mean, you and Randy have been
through so much together.

Oh, there's got to be
a way to...

[in high-pitched voice]
By george! I believe I've just given

Sister Bertrille an idea.

Why couldn't I have been
born short and fat and ugly?

Look on the brighter side.
You were born stupid.

Why you would ever
break your engagement to Liz...

I'd rather discuss it
with my psychiatrist.

Maybe in a couple of years
when I work through my guilt...

[knocking on door]
Well, that's Elsie.

Well, I'll wait in the bedroom.
No, no, please don't.

It'll be less painful
for her if we're not alone.

Come in, Elsie.

Randy. Tom.

Sister Bertrille.

Well, I bet you're wondering why
I've called you here together.

Uh, to say goodbye?

And to sell you a toy.

Well, it's more of a puppet
than a toy.

Yeah. Elsie, nobody's buying
puppets nowadays.

Well, great. Then you've got
the market all to yourselves.

There's nothing more stimulating
to a child's imagination

and it gets rid of his
aggressions and his hostilities.

And sometimes
it helps him say

something he might be
too embarrassed to say.

Well, uh, don't go away.

So, it's hail
and farewell, huh?

That's the way
the cookie crumbles, baby.

Does it have to?
We've been so close.

And those presents. You didn't
give them to me out of guilt.

How did you guess?

Woman's intuition.

What's that all about?

I think she's trying
to tell you something.

Oh, I'm getting a headache.

I'm getting a headache.

Darling, you've awakened
something inside me,

something I thought
I'd lost forever.

And I've done the same to you,
haven't I?

Why should we fight it,
sweetheart?

Yeah, fight it. Fight it.
Why?

Uh, because you're a nun,
for Pete's sake.

A novice. I haven't taken
my final vows. I'm still free,

and knowing
how you feel about me...

Oh, you're talking nonsense.

Love is nonsense?

[Randy] Love?

Who said anything about...

Listen, listen, you're wrong.

You can't quit
on account of me.

I'm already spoken for.
I-I-I'm in love with...

I'm in love with...
I'm in love with Liz.

Don't fight it, Randy.
I'm in love with Liz.

You're fighting it, Randy.
Tell her, Tom.

He's in love with Liz.

Suite 402, please.

Liz? Liz, am I in love
with you or not?

What do you mean,
how should you know?

Well, it worked.
[Randy] ...getting married...

Told you it would.
How did you know?

We went to the same analyst.

Sister.

"This note is to tell you
the wedding will be in two weeks

"and after that, Liz and I plan
a month's honeymoon in Alaska."

Ah.
I wonder why they chose Alaska.

Well, I imagine because
it's as far away from San Juan

as you can get.

"I owe you more than
you can imagine, Elsie.

"I never told you this but one
night I thought I saw you fly,

"and in exploring this
hallucination with my analyst,

"I got the idea for a toy

"which promises to be
the best seller

in our spring line. Randy."

Well, I've heard
of a papa doll and a mama doll,

but a sister doll?
I wonder what it does.

Well, I... Oh,
I guess you just push that.

What else?

It flies. Wait for me!
Wait for me!

Oh, boy, I'd better go
to the optimist

and get myself some glasses.

Optometrist.
And glasses won't help.

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