Original subtitles

♪♪

[Jacqueline] This is the Convent San Tanco.

Soon to be known as the Convent San Quentin.

It all started last week with the arrival

of Sister Bertrille's Uncle Reggie.

A man with a rather shady past

and a not too sunny future.

Uncle Reggie had come to work

at Casino Carlos as a pit boss.

He was a man of great imagination

and one of the ideas he gave Carlos

was a glass-enclosed counting room.

He also inadvertently gave these two characters ideas

to steal the money.

How, was an elaborate plot.

Reverend Mother, there's a Sister Mary Grace

here to see you.

Well, to make a long story short...

Carlos' Casino was robbed of every cent,

and Uncle Reggie was the prime suspect.

Except Uncle Reggie had disappeared.

Uncle Reggie!

Uncle Reggie!

And now Part II of "The Great Casino Robbery."

♪♪

[Bertrille] At exactly 2:35, we got into the station wagon.

At exactly 3:03, we arrived at the convent.

At exactly 3:04,

we were all fast asleep. Then...

Just one moment, please. Ahem.

Now we have 2:35, 3:03 and 3:04.

Is that correct? Right.

Five and three is eight, four is twelve.

What are you doing?

Uh, I'm seeing if everything adds up.

[Carlos] To what?

To 842.

Now, if you will permit me to reconstruct the crime,

from the moment the nuns left the casino,

the thief... Alleged thief.

The alleged nuns left the casino,

the alleged thief proceeded to...

Captain, we know what he proceeded to do.

Sister Bertrille, this morning I checked

your uncle's references in Las Vegas.

He never managed the casino.

He was a doorman.

Doorman?

Oh, poor Uncle Reggie.

Poor Uncle Reggie?

Poor Uncle Reggie's not poor anymore.

Do you know how much money was in my counting room?

About 50 000 dollars worth.

49 500 and some odd dollars.

And no change.

Where is he hiding?

Captain Fomento, can't you see

that she was taken in by him as much as I was?

That's right. I mean, no, that's not right.

I mean, all you have is circumstantial evidence.

Sure, it was his idea to look for the rare coins,

you gave him the combination to the room,

and he's disappeared. Does that mean he's a thief?

Sure!

[Reggie] May I speak to Sister Bertrille, please?

[speaking Spanish]

Uh...

Yes. Just a moment.

It's for you, Sister Bertrille.

Thank you, Reverend Mother. Hello?

Hello, Sister.

Do you know to who you are talking?

No, I'm afraid not.

I am a distant relative of yours.

How distant?

Three miles south on the San Raphael Road.

At the Rodriguez farm. I'll be in the barn.

Right. Well, be of good cheer, señor.

Yes. Right away. Goodbye.

It was one of our parishioners, Reverend Mother.

He's in need of some comforting,

and I know it's late,

but I should go and see what I can do.

Yes, yes. Of course.

Do we have enough gas in the station wagon?

Well, if it's all right with you, I'd rather fly.

It might cheer me up a bit.

Yes, you go right ahead.

And, Sister Bertrille,

give our best to Uncle Reggie.

[chicken clucking]

[Reggie] Psst!

Now that's what I call a disguise.

Did anybody follow you?

No, just a seagull and a few hawks.

Then you...

Yeah, never mind how I got here.

If you'd just let me put you in the circus,

we wouldn't be in the mess we're in now.

May I remind you that you are

the only one of us who's in trouble?

Then I was right.

Everyone thinks I'm guilty, even you.

If not, then what're you doing here?

Rehearsing for a 4-H show?

[Reggie] So help me,

I didn't take that money.

Then why did you cut out?

Elsie, I've been indicted six times.

Yes, but every single time

the charges were dropped. Right?

Exactly. That's right.

But I can't risk another miscarriage of justice.

The law of averages are against me.

[Fomento] Hands up!

I got you covered.

[Fomento chuckles]

Up. Up. Up with the hands.

Okay.

I knew he looked suspicious

when I saw him sneaking into the barn.

You will get your share of the reward,

señorRodriguez, I promise you.

Reginald Overton Perkins,

you are under... Wait a minute, Captain.

I'm gonna give myself up of my own free will.

...arrest. He beat you to it.

That's pretty sneaky of you, you know.

Put your hand down here.

And you, too.

Sister Bertrille, alias, whatever it may be,

I'm arresting you as an accessory...

Alleged.

You're going to drive me crazy.

And that's the whole story, Carlos.

When I left the casino last night and locked up,

I didn't have any money except my day's pay.

Whoever stole that money came in after I left.

SeñorReggie, you are free to go

or free to go wherever you wish.

A word of warning. Don't leave the town.

Well, I understand.

There, you see, Elsie?

You wonder why an innocent man always runs?

Why don't you go out, look for the real crooks

instead of torturing poor Uncle Reggie?

I assure you, Sister Bertrille,

and you, señor,that whoever took the money

will not leave the island.

Because I have the airport, harbor,

freeways, byways, police station,

but everything, everything is being watched.

So, in other words, the crooks don't dare

make a move until they think it's safe?

Exactly.

So why don't you make them think it is?

Oh, what are you talking about?

Captain Fomento, I demand you arrest

Uncle Reggie for the robbery of the casino.

Sister Mary Grace, please.

Thank you. Hello.

Hi. Did you read the afternoon paper?

Joy to the world.

Yeah. I couldn't have found

a better pigeon if I framed him myself.

May fortune follow us the rest of the way.

I think it's safe to blow this town now.

There's a 10:30 flight leaving for Rio.

Oh, bless you, Cousin.

Say your goodbyes and meet me at the airport.

Amen.

I'm sorry that I have to leave sooner than I planned.

Well, it was a pleasure having you visit with us.

Are you sure you're well enough to travel?

Oh, I'll, uh, I'll call on inner strength.

Now you be sure and watch for those BUs, Sister.

We won't look for the BUs till we find the C-R-O-O-K.

But they did find him.

Oh, and I'm sorry he turned out

to be your uncle, Sister Bertrille.

Oh, no. My uncle didn't do it.

Of course not.

You just keep believing that, dear.

No, it's true.

That newspaper story was just a ploy.

You know, a trick.

A trick?

Yes, it was Sister Bertrille's idea.

Yes, to flush out the real crooks, you see?

When they think the coast is clear,

then they'll cut out with the money.

Very ingenious.

Well, it's not exactly honest,

but you have to fight fire with fire.

Yeah.

Here you are.

Bye. Goodbye.

Thank you.

MAN [on pa system] All passengers holding space on VRA Flight 47 to New York

may now board at Gate 6.

That's VRA Flight 47 now boarding at Gate 6.

Well, we seem to be a little early.

Maybe I'll get myself something to read.

I'll get it for you. What would you like?

Oh. Uh, anything, anything

of religious nature, that is.

You're late.

Bruce, we can't go.

Relax, baby. Don't lose your nerve now.

Come on.

MAN [on pa system] Mr. R.H. Rempson,

please go to a VRA courtesy phone.

There you are. The closest thing

I could get to anything religious

is the Christmas issue of Popular Mechanics.

[sighing] What's the matter?

Oh...

Is your malaria acting up again?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

I think I should go back to the convent

for a few more days.

Do you- Do you think they'd mind?

Mind? Us?

Then, when I looked up from the magazine stand,

they were kissing.

Well, maybe she's just the affectionate type.

Or maybe he was a smasher.

Masher. And he was not.

I could tell that they knew each other.

That's certainly very strange behavior for a Sister.

Yes, if she is a Sister. And come to think of it,

we never received that letter

from the bishop in Africa, did we?

That's true. Maybe it was intercepted

by a hostile tribe of stamp collectors.

Talking about collectors,

don't you think it's a coincidence

that on the very night we decide to go

to Carlos' counting room,

she turns out to be a num... a num...

A numismatist. A numismatist.

She is? You mean she's not even Catholic?

That was a delicious lunch, Sister Sixto.

Mmm-hmm. Thank you very much.

[Bertrille] Talking about lunch,

did you ever run into any cannibals,

Sister Mary Grace?

Oh! Heavens, no.

All of our natives were vegetarians.

By the way,

what language do they speak in Uganda?

Oh...

Why, the native language, of course.

Swahili, right?

Right.

Sister, do you miss Africa very much?

Oh, I wish I were there right now.

Well...

We have a very nice surprise for you, Sister Mary Grace.

Uh, something to, um, cure a case of homesickness.

Sister Bertrille.

You see, yesterday afternoon I went to the library

and I got a book on Swahili folk songs.

[singing and playing]

Do you recognize it?

Yes, it's a...

It's a very famous folksong popular in that region.

What does it mean?

Oh, it means, uh...

You see there's...

It's- It's about, uh...

It's about this warrior

who's captured by the enemy tribe

and he's forced to marry the chieftain's only...

Daughter? Daughter.

And, his sweetheart

is left in his own village very, very, uh...

Heartbroken. Heartbroken. Yes.

Why don't you join me in an encore?

[playing]

Oh.

Oh, please. Please. Please.

Well, I'd love to but I'm afraid that I'm

getting another one of my headaches.

I think it is time to call the authorities.

San Juan Weather Bureau?

You've got the right number.

The prediction is for fair and sunny.

Yeah, well not around here. I think I've blown it.

[Bruce] What?

He who is with sin is about to be stoned.

Then we've got to move. How?

By boat. I'm making arrangements for one now.

And when do we cross the River Jordan?

I'll pick you up outside the convent gates

at 7:30 sharp. Now be there.

Yeah.

So, if Sister Mary Grace

is pretending to be a coin expert,

is it not very possible, in fact very probable,

that her partner is the coin expert

you met at the bar? Carlos, if this girl

doesn't become the first lady bishop,

the Church is gonna have to answer to me.

If I get my money back,

she'll have my vote, too.

We do not have a moment to lose.

Where is this so-called Sister?

You point her out to me... Captain.

Yes? Don't you think

you're being a little bit premature?

I see what you mean.

I shall alert the TV and the newspapers

so that they can witness the arrest, huh?

Brilliant. Very good thinking, Sister Bertrille.

Very brilliant... Capitán,please,

I don't think that's what she has in mind.

No? No. If you arrest

the Sister now, then her partner

will cut out with the money.

Fortunately, as usual, I have the answer.

We will keep our eye on this so-called Sister,

so instead, she will undoubtedly

lead us to her partner in crime.

Oh.

I'm sorry. I thought I left my prayer book...

Excuse me.

And where are you going? To follow her.

May I remind you, Sister Bertrille,

that only I give orders around here?

Follow her.

[car engine starting]

I still say you could have bluffed it through.

How?

They didn't teach Swahili at Allentown High.

[creaking]

Are you sure nobody saw you leave?

Of course I'm sure. What do you take me for?

[Faye] Get me some shoes. [Bruce] Yeah.

Leave out that scarf, too.

Now where'd you get the boat, anyway?

[chuckling] You'll never guess.

Well, I'm not going to try. Where?

I bought it from Carlos Ramirez.

[Faye] Oh, you're crazy.

Well, I thought it was kind of cute.

[both laughing]

[thudding]

Who is that?

[grunts]

[car engine starting]

What do we do now? We walk.

How far is it to the boat? About a mile.

A mile? Well, how long do you think

it'll be before she comes back with the troops?

Start walking.

[inaudible]

I knocked over this flower pot and I was so terrified.

And they came running out of the house after me.

Well, what did you do?

Well, what any girl would do. I flew.

Do you think they'll catch them?

Depends on how fast the crooks can walk.

Or run. How far were they from the boat?

About a mile. But they got a big head start.

Oh, but it's over five miles from here.

What am I doing standing here?

You're going to fly?

You're right. Here I go.

Here. Watch yourself.

Oh. Oh, we made it.

Yeah, well, no time to rest now.

Come on, help me with these ropes.

Oh, no.

Hey.

Did you just drop these?

Rosary beads. Are you kidding?

I believe they're mine.

You're welcome to use them if you like,

to pray for your salvation which I highly recommend.

Wait a minute. Just how did you get here?

It doesn't matter. Sister, look,

I may be as pious as the next man, but...

It's bad luck to kill a nun.

Yeah, for the nun, it is.

Now, that's not a very pious remark.

Sister, I promise you a good Christian burial at sea.

No, Bruce, no. [gun firing]

You jerk!

I tripped and it went off.

Where is she? Did she go over?

Maybe. Look for her.

[Bruce] Where is she?

She must have fallen overboard.

Well, I didn't hear a splash. Well, she didn't fly away!

Bruce. What?

Look.

Uh... Uh...

You killed her.

Well, I didn't mean to. Can you pray?

The only thing I know is "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep."

[police siren wailing] Let's have it.

Now I lay me down to sleep...

[Fomento] Drop your gun.

It was an accident.

I want to warn you,

you will not get away with this,

with this plea of accidental robbery.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

[Fomento] How did you get here before us?

Sister Bertrille, I got the money.

Well, I-I took a shortcut.

It's a miracle. She's alive. Look.

She's all right.

She's all right? She's the best.

Do you have to go, Uncle Reggie?

Oh, I figure I'd better not press my luck.

You know, this is the first time in all my life

that I've ever left a job

with legitimate references in my pocket.

Besides, Tangiers will be lovely this time of the year.

Elsie, my dear,

would you do me one favor before I go?

Depends.

Would you...

That's silly.

Please, just once.

Let's say it's a going-away present.

Well, okay. Just once.

Was I lying?

1500 dollars a week. Top billing. Center ring.

[Reggie] Did you hear that, Elsie?

I heard, and the answer is no.

Well, I tried.

Goodbye, Mr. Barnum.

My best to Mr. Bailey.

♪♪

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