All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s02e13 How to Be a Spanish Grandmother.eng

♪♪

[Jacqueline]
This is the Convent San Tanco,

built in 1572

on land granted
by King Philip of Spain

to the De Cordova family,
who rented it to us.

The rent was
only one dollar a year,

and at those prices,
nobody was complaining.

There was only one catch.

Every 99 years,
the lease had to be renewed.

Now, another 99 years
had passed,

and while
we waited for the bank

to bring us the new lease,

we decided to commemorate
the occasion

with a group picture.
After all,

we weren't sure
we'd be around next time.

Okay, everybody
say cheese it.

Just plain
cheese, Sister.

Plain cheese,
fancy cheese,

what's the difference?
Smile.

Well, I guess I stuck
my foot in it again.

♪♪

Whenseñor Moreno arrived
from the bank that afternoon,

he brought some
shocking news.

He will not renew the lease?

But there is a bright
side to the picture.

There is?

Yes. SeñorDe Cordova

is willing to give you
a reasonable time to get out.

And what is his idea
of a reasonable time?

Say, three weeks.

Boy, I'd sure like to meet
that señorDe Cordova.

I'd like to tell him
a thing or two.

And when you finish,
Sister,

I'll give him
a piece of my mouth.

Mind, Sister.

No, I don't mind at all.

Sisters, Sisters,

our charity must
extend to everyone,

even señorDe Cordova.

You know,
the sad thing is that to him,

we're probably just another
piece of real estate.

I'm sure he's not familiar

with the work we do,
or how we...

Sister, I think you've
got something there.

He probably doesn't
even know about our convent.

The work we do
with the children,

helping the poor,

the-the clothes drives,

the food baskets,
all the work we do.

We've got to bring him
and let him know

what wonderful people
we are.

And how humble.

Our invitation

toseñor De Cordova

went out
that very afternoon.

Reverend Mother,

you have the sympathies
of Gaspar Fomento

to console you in this,
your great loss.

I insist
on-on replacing it.

I am afraid that that will
be impossible, Captain.

It was over 200 years old.

Thank heavens it was not new.

It's here,
Reverend Mother.

The letter
from señorDe Cordova.

Here you are.
Hello, Captain Fomento.

[Bertrille] Is he coming?

Yes. Yes, he is.

He-he will be here
on Friday.

Does it not seem
strange to you, Sister,

that suddenly,
after 400 years,

a member
of the De Cordova family

should appear
and claim this property?

Why, yes, it does
seem a bit weird to me.

Well, I have
a theory in this case,

which leads me to believe

that this so-called De Cordova

calls himself De Cordova,

but is actually really
only De Cordova, so-called.

Do you follow me?

You mean he's a fraud?

I prefer the word imposter.

Captain, I doubt that
that is the case here.

Doubt. The magic word.

If there is room for doubt,
there is room for suspicion.

I beg your pardon.

I assure you,
Reverend Mother,

that I will do everything
in my power to see

that the convent
remains undisturbed.

Well, lucky you are moving.

Finally, Friday came,

and we gathered to await
our landlord's arrival.

Sir, do you mind pulling up
your cart a bit?

We're expecting
a large car.

I'm beginning to think

señorDe Cordova
has stood us up.

Sister, I want to...

Sir, I think there
should be someone

out here in a minute
to accept the delivery.

Sister,
I am señorDe Cordova.

I usually accept
the delivery, but I...

You're what?

But it was
our understanding

that the De Cordova
fortune was considerable.

[De Cordova] Oh, it was.

It was
until my-my grandfather

invested heavily
in a new invention of his,

the incandescent bulb.

Why, I thought
Thomas Edison invented that.

You know that,
and I know that,

but my grandfather,
he did not know that.

And what was
left of the money,

my father put into
a ship of his own design,

a ship that would not sink.

Unfortunately,
it would not float either.

Someone beat him to
the submarine, huh?

By the time
of my inheritance,

all that was left
was my father's debts

and this convent.

A sad story.

Yeah, I could cry.

Well, I think
I will look around

and see what I have
left in this world.

About a carload
of cobblestones

to patch up the courtyard.

Some new tiles
for the roof.

It has to be painted,
of course.

Well, other than that,
I think

the convent's in pretty
good shape, don't you think?

Oh, I couldn't ask
for better tenants.

And believe me, Sister,
wherever you go,

I give you
the best of references.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, truly, Sister,
I'm-I'm sorry.

I'm a pious man.

It breaks my heart
to make you leave,

but what else can I do?
Yeah.

Well, I suppose
after you sell the convent,

you'll be a rich man again.
Oh, no, Sister.

I-I don't want to be
rich again or ever.

At my age, what do I
need with wealth?

I'm 68 years old.

Yeah, well,
these days

that's just
a junior senior citizen.

No. No, Sister.

A warm bed,
some good food,

peace, quiet,
a place for my donkey,

that's all I ask.
That's all I need.

That's all? Really?

At my age,
what else is there?

What I'm saying is

why couldn't Fabio
live here,

and then he could
have just what he wants,

we wouldn't have to move?
A man in the convent,

Sister Bertrille?
Impossible.

We could fix up the cottage.
That isn't exactly the convent.

No, but still...

It would be very nice

having a live-in landlord.

I mean,
if anything went wrong,

like the plumbing,
which it always does,

he'd be right there
to complain to.

Yes, but how do we know
that señorDe Cordova

would agree to
such an arrangement?

I've already asked him.
He already has.

SeñorDe Cordova, we shall do
everything in our power

to see that you
are happy here.

How can I not be happy here?

For 30 years, I live alone
in a little fishing village.

While he waited for
our lease to expire.

Now I have all of this
and a wonderful family, too.

Although,
I always wanted boys.

Oh, before
I forget, señor.

The new lease.

Oh, yes.
Of course. Of course.

Is-Is something wrong?

Perhaps I-I should wait.

Wait?
For what?

Well, you see, Sister,

in case
this arrangement between us

does not work out,

I cannot wait
another 99 years

to-to get my property.

Good morning, Fabio.

Good morning,
Sister Bertrille.

Did you sleep well?
Like a baby.

Good.
For about one hour.

What was the matter?

It takes a little while
to get used to a new bed.

Is there something
wrong with it?

Oh, no, no, no.

It-it's not the mattress
fault that it don't fit me.

Oh, well, we'll try
and get you a new mattress.

Oh, no, no, Sister.
I would not like to...

But if you're going to
get another mattress,

a little longer,
medium firm.

Right.

I brought you
your breakfast.

Oh, Sister, I don't like you
to go to all the trouble

of bringing breakfast
to me in...

Poached eggs?

You don't like
poached eggs?

Oh, what's the difference,

as long
as it's nourishing?

What kind
of eggs do you like?

No, Sister, I don't want
you to bother.

Listen,
what's a family for

if not to bother
every now and then?

Well, if you insist.

Make it a Spanish omelet
with onions.

No peppers.

[mumbles]

One Spanish omelet.

Heavy on the onions.
Kill the peppers.

Coming right up.

Sister Bertrille.
What do I hear?

This so-called De Cordova

is living
in a gardener's cottage?

Now don't rock the boat.
He just loves it.

A De Cordova loves
a gardener's cottage?

How quaint.
I certainly would like

to meet
this so-called De Cordova.

Well, you're just in time.

SeñorDe Cordova,
Captain Fomento.

Captain Fomento,
señorDe Cordova.

Captain,
it is always a pleasure

to meet a member
of the armed forces.

San Tanco Police.

It is still a pleasure.

I must be on my way.

Just one moment, señor.

Do you play chess?

I have no knowledge
of the game, Captain.

Good day, Sister.

Captain.
Mmm-hmm.

It's very interesting,
Sister Bertrille.

But according to my research,

all of the De Cordovas,

outside of one
or two exceptions,

were masters of chess.

Well, maybe he's
one of the exceptions.

Or maybe he's an imposter
and-and up to no good.

Oh, Captain, everything
is going just fine.

Please don't upset things.

Oh, do not worry,
Sister Bertrille.

Captain Fomento
is like a shadow.

He walks with
the lightest of steps.

You see. You see.

If he can do this to me,

can you imagine
what he can do to you?

So, this is the kitchen.

Oh, señorLandlord.
Come in.

Thank you, Sister.

What-What are you making?

Arroz con pollo.
Ah.

Oregano?

Oregano
in arroz con pollo?

I shouldn't?
Oh, of course.

If you like
your chicken over-seasoned.

Well, if you don't like it,
I won't use it.

Oh, no, no.
What is the difference?

If everybody likes it,
use it.

[tsking]

So much?

Señor,I'm cooking
for 28 people.

You expect to serve
so little to so many?

Well, of course,
if you run out of food...

Chili sauce. Very good.

If you are making
a hot tamale pie.

Señor,would you
like to cook the dinner?

Oh, Sister, I would
not dream of interfering.

So, that night
we had chicken a la landlord.

And if that wasn't bad enough,
we also had the landlord.

Please, Sisters,
go on with your dinner.

Don't let me disturb you.

So this is where you eat.

Nice. Cozy.

I-I left your dinner
in your cottage, Fabio.

Didn't you see it?

Oh, yes, Sister.
Thank you.

I'm going to have it later.

After all, cold food
cannot get any colder.

It wasn't cold
when I put it there.

Don't let me disturb you.
And hearty appetite.

[Reverend Mother]
SeñorDe Cordova,

would you like to
come in and join us?

Oh, thank you,
Reverend Mother,

but I wouldn't
dream of intruding.

[music on TV]

Oh, hello, Fabio.

Just taking
a little stroll, Sister.

Don't let me disturb you.

Well, it's almost 8:00.

What happens at 8:00?

8:00, the Masked Marvel
meets El Diablo,

three falls to a finish,
on Channel 8.

You want us
to turn to that?

Oh, no, Sisters.
You are enjoying the music.

Well, if you'd rather watch
the wrestling match...

[De Cordova] No, it's not important.

I can read in-in-in
the newspaper tomorrow

who is the world champion.

My money is on
the Masked Marvel.

[men shouting on TV]

But I don't understand,
Sister.

There's plenty for me
to do around here.

Watching the Sisters,

advising them
on this and that.

The Reverend Mother
thought it would be better

if you had something
of your own to keep busy.

Like what?

You said you used
to have a fishing boat.

This is the same ocean,
with barrels of fish in it.

But, on my fishing boat,
I did not fish.

I used to take out
the tourists

so they could fish.

Well, that's even
a better idea.

Why don't you bring
your boat to San Tanco

and do the same thing here?

Well, Sister,
I would like to, but...

You would? Terrific.
Except...

Except my boat sank
last year.

Terrific.

I hope you
didn't say anything

to offend
señorDe Cordova.

No, he just said
I'd given him an idea,

and he'd gone away for a few
days to work on it.

And you have no inkling
of what he had in mind?

No, except it didn't have
anything to do with fishing.

DE CORDOVA [on loudspeaker]
Ladies and gentlemen,

you are on the grounds

of the famous
Convento San Tanco.

And you are standing
on the very spot

where the pirate,
Jean Laffite,

buried a fortune in gold!

But we have no time
to dig for it now!

Sister Bertrille,

you-you gave him
this idea?

No. Maybe indirectly,
but I...

We must put a stop
to this.

...how the nuns
they live,

they work,
they play, and they pray.

Come on, folks!

Fabio, if this is
your idea of an idea,

it's not much of an idea.

[whispering]
It's perfect.

It gives me something to do

and we earn money besides,

which we will divide 50-50.

SeñorDe Cordova, I wish
to speak to you at once.

After the tour is over,
Reverend Mother.

Come on, folks!

I've never seen
anything like it.

Every time you walk,
there's somebody.

I've never seen anything
like it. They're all over.

Every single time
I've gone into the yard,

they're there.
Sisters, Sisters, Sisters,

one at a time, please.
Reverend Mother,

we must do something.

How can we carry out
our duties

with tourists
swarming all over?

This morning,
I got shot four times.

Shot, Sister?

Uh. with a camera.
You know. Smile.

And one tour a day
isn't enough.

Now he's bringing them
mornings and afternoons.

When daylight-saving
time's comes, maybe at night.

And he says if this
business keeps up,

he's going to start
selling candy prayer beads.

We're not going
to let him open

a soft-drink stand,
are we?

Sisters, I know that
this is very distressing,

but we must remain calm.

We must keep our cool,

as Sister Bertrille
would say.

[De Cordova]
We will visit the nuns' sleeping quarters.

[gasping]

That is the end
of my cool.

Sisters, we are going
to tell señorDe Cordova

that we are vacating
the premises.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Pardon me, señor.

I was looking
for Sister Bertrille.

I believe Sister Bertrille
is in the convent,

where she always is.

Well,
as long as I'm here,

do you mind
if I sit down?

As you wish.

You know,
señorDe Cordova,

I was reading
about your family

in the public library.

My family would be
very flattered, Captain.

Especially
of your father, señor...

I forgot his first name.

Sebastian.

Correct.

I believe he was
quite an epicure, huh?

His favorite dish was,
if I recall, rather exotic.

Wild boar's head
stuffed with rice.

Correct.

Señor,do you know
what I think

was the most interesting thing
about your father?

The strawberry birthmark
on his left shoulder.

Right shoulder, Captain.
Right again.

I see that we have been
going to the same library.

Is there anything else?

Yes.

Momentarily, I am waiting
for a communication

from a distant
cousin of yours,

one Mercedes De Cordova,
who now lives in San Juan.

And how does this
concern me?

This may open the door,
señorDe Cordova,

to something I have been
most suspicious lately.

[speaking Spanish]

[Fomento] Sister Bertrille!
Sister Bertrille!

I'm sorry, Captain.
I can't talk to you now.

I have to go tell
Fabio we're moving.

Oh, but momentarily
I'm expecting evidence

that will make
your moving unnecessary.

Really? Oh, I forgot.

This just came
for you by messenger.

This is the proof
I've been waiting for.

This will help me
to unmask the imposter.

Here is the real
señorFabio De Cordova.

Excuse me, Captain.

I have to go tell
Fabio we're moving.

I would like
to come along with you

and tell señorDe Cordova

that he is exonerated
once and for all,

beyond any shadow
of a doubt.

He's not here.
All his things are gone.

What is this?

It's addressed
to the Reverend Mother.

"I know that Captain Fomento
is on to me

"and the fact
that 30 years ago,

I committed a crime."

A criminal.
I knew it all the time.

Five minutes ago,
you were exonerating him.

Exactly.
That's why we exonerate.

You see,
in the course of exoneration,

we often find out that a crime
has been committed. Yes.

"For my crime,
I would get at least

20 years in jail.

"Since I will not
live that long

"and do not want
to cheat the government,

"I am leaving San Tanco
forever. Fabio.

"P.S. I am deeding
the convent to the church."

And here is the deed.

Oh, he signed it.
I knew he'd sign it.

It was just a matter of...

He didn't sign it.
Oh, dear.

Now it will never
be signed.

Well, if he's
traveling by donkey,

he couldn't have gotten
very far by now.

Reverend Mother,
if you'll excuse me,

I think I'll go out
and buzz the area.

Buzz?
Buzz.

Sister Bertrille,
how did you get here?

I-I took a shortcut.

Thank you.

You-You found my note?

Yes, but you left
in such a hurry

you forgot
to sign the deed.

[exclaims]
[speaks Spanish]

Give me.
I-I sign it now.

Thank you.

You know, um, Fabio,

you don't look
like a criminal.

Looks are deceiving.

Yeah. Well, if you
don't want to tell me...

No, no, no.
I want to tell you.

I want to tell you.

Many years ago,

a young woman
fell in love with me.

She had money,
but no family name.

I had a family name,
but no money.

A perfect match.

But the night
before the wedding,

I left San Tanco.

That's a crime?

When I left, I took

the young woman's
dowry with me.

That's a crime.

Now, I am going to her,

and if she will have me,
we will be married.

And then, I will
no longer be a criminal.

Fabio, that's so nice.

Well, Fabio,
thank you so much.

We'll never forget you.

Don't forget to get
the deed over

to Reverend Mother
right away.

Oh, I will,
via air mail.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Sisters, it's here!

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, look, look.
What?

We got a postcard
from Fabio.

Oh, how wonderful.
What does he say?

He says, "Dear Sisters,

"I thought you
would like to know

that I have found
my Sarita,

"and we will be married
within the month.

"We are planning
to visit San Tanco."

Oh, how nice.

Maybe we'll get
to see them.

Yes, I think so,
because he wants

to spend his honeymoon
in our gardener's cottage.

Will it not be
a little crowded with two?

Sure. It'll be just
like two peas in a pad.

Pod, Sister.

"P.S. Please don't
go to any trouble,

"even though Sarita
is allergic to gas heat.

"Don't bother
to remove the heater

"unless it's convenient.

"And if you
happen to have

"a double bed
around the place...

♪♪

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