All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s02e03 The Rabbi and the Nun.eng

[barking]

[Jacqueline]
There are many treasures

in and around
the Convent San Tanco,

some of it is buried treasure,

but this one was delivered
by air freight.

It was from the estate
of Martha Torrens,

deceased aunt
of Sister Bertrille.

I stood beside the bereaved

as she opened
her treasure chest.

She was 87 when she passed on.

The cutest little old lady
you ever saw.

[Jacqueline]
A lace negligee?

But she thought young.

[Jacqueline]
The trunk was full of all kinds of goodies,

a fearless boa, a blond wig

and of all things...

Oh, what a lovely candelabra.

This is a menorah,
Sister Ana.

The--The Jews light it
on Hanukkah.

I thought your aunt was
Catholic. Oh, she was.

I think she received that
for something she did

during Brotherhood Week.

It'll look just wonderful
in our chapel, Reverend Mother.

Well, I think it might feel
more at home in a synagogue.

I guess you're right. Do you
have a favorite synagogue?

Well, how about the only
synagogue in San Tanco?

Good thinking.

Rabbi Mendez, you've got
yourself a menorah.

[birds chirping]

Oh, a parachute!

A parasol, Sister, and they
call them umbrellas now.

Oh, maybe she was
right the first time.

I can use it as a parachute.

It would save wear and tear
on the reentry system.

[all exclaiming]

Sister?

[coughing]

What's Mary Poppins got
that I haven't got?

So if you like it,
Rabbi Mendez, it's yours

and use it in good health.

Oh, this is a menorah
of menorahs, Sister Bertrille,

and I accept it with thanks
and with gratitude.

And with the promise
that one day it will grace

the new Temple Beth Sholom.

Oh. It's nothing.

I mean,
I'm glad you like it.

When are you moving?

The minute we deposit
$150,000 in the bank,

we break ground.

How much have you
raised so far?

$150.

But considering that

my congregation is so small,
that's not so bad.

Fortunately,
the Good Lord is patient.

But unfortunately
my congregation is not.

And can I blame them?

It's a bit difficult to conduct
the Friday-night services

when my synagogue
is surrounded by a butcher

who is always
haggling on one side

and John Wayne is shooting
the Indians on the other side.

It's a miracle if the Good Lord
knows who to listen to.

[Alfredo speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish]

Quiet. Please.

When we raise our voices
in the synagogue,

is to praise God,
not to argue like animals.

Hello, Alfredo.
Sister Bertrille.

Imagine seeing you here.

You know Alfredo Aquillar?Oh, yes.

He's a great friend
of the Convent's.

He's donated tons of second-hand
clothes for our orphanage.

When the customer does not
pick up the dry cleaning

after six months, out it goes.

Oh, permit me,
Sister Bertrille,

to introduce my fiancee,
Sophia Baldazon.

How do you do?
Nice to meet you.

Sophia is the bookkeeper
for Carlos Ramirez.

Oh, yes. I thought
you looked familiar.

Well, congratulations,
you two.

How long have
you been engaged?

Eight years and it will be
another eight...

[Sophia speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish]

Please,
go into my study and wait.

I'll be with you
in a minute.

Very nice to have meet you.
Very nice to have met you, too.

Excuse us, Sister.
Yes, right. See you.

Sister, I must apologize
for their rudeness and...

Oh. Don't worry about it.

I've been through
pre-marriage jitters myself.

With relatives.

I'm so tickled that
Alfredo's getting married.

I--I can't believe that he's
really going through with it.

With his little problem.
Oh, you mean the gambling?

Yes.
He's still gambling

but thank God, he's exchanging
the dice for a woman.

Now at least he has
a chance of winning.

If they can only agree
on the wedding plans.

Well, what's the disagreement?

Sister Bertrille,
look at my synagogue. Hmm?

Look. Look around you.
What do you see?

Well, it might be
small in square feet,

but it's big in tradition.

Tradition. Tradition doesn't
hold 100 friends and relatives.

So, Sophia wants to
get married in a union hall

and Alfredo wants to get married
in a Chinese restaurant.

Wow. That's crummy. I mean,
why don't you tell them

that marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman

and it's just not important
where you get married?

No, that's wrong.

No, Sister Bertrille,
you were right the first time.

It's not important.

And at least the Chinese
restaurant has a piano.

A Jewish wedding
here in the convent?

Yes. Outside in the garden.

Oh, it would be really lovely

and after all
Alfredo's done for us.

At least it wouldn't
smell of egg rolls.

A Jewish wedding
in a convent?

Sure.

There's nothing denominational
about grass or hedges.

And the Reverend Mother's
perfectly agreeable.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say.

A Jewish wedding
at a convent?

But there is nothing in the
Old Testament that forbids it.

I don't think there's anything
in the New Testament either.

I guess that is an improvement
over a Chinese restaurant.

Then we're all agreed?

So be it.

[birds chirping]

With your permission

we will put
the chuppahright here.

The "chuppah"?

A chuppah.
That's a canopy.

It's a tradition for the Jews
to be married under a canopy.

Oh. How sweet. And very
practical in case it rains.

Now the chairs,
of course,

we must have them
face the chuppah.

Um...

Yes. Yes.

Two groups of chairs, 50-50.

Oh, I--I don't think we have
quite that many chairs, Rabbi.

The chairs are coming
from Roberto's Rentals.

Now, we put the tables
for the food right over there.

Rabbi, I don't know
much about chuppahs,

but food is my specialty.

What shall I cook?
It's not necessary to cook.

But after all
Alfredo has done for us,

it's the least we can do.

I make a beautiful baked ham.

Boy, have you got
the wrong wedding.

Well, that's very sweet,

but Roberto's Rentals
is providing the food.

You are renting the food,
Rabbi? No.

It's catering, Sister.
And such delicacies.

Mmm.

We are starting off with
pescado relleno de caballo.

That's gefilte fish
with horseradish.

Naturally you are all invited.

Oh, really, Rabbi,
with so many guests...

Now, now, Reverend Mother.

In a Jewish wedding is enough
food for two Jewish weddings.

[Jacqueline]
A wedding feast can be catered.

Chairs can be rented.
Ushers can be hired.

But it is against
God and nature

to deprive women
of doing something.

So Rabbi Mendez
was finally persuaded

to allow us
to contribute the flowers,

decorations and otherwise.

Sister Bertrille
contributed the otherwise.

Am I high enough?
Perfect.

Bombs away!

How does it look so far?

It looks great!
Come down!

Oh!

It's still kind of wobbly.

You have all day to practice
beforethe wedding tomorrow.

Yeah.

The wedding is off.

Off?

Off like postponed
or off like... Off.

Off like finished for good.

[speaking Spanish]

I call you because
I am too embarrassed

to face the Reverend Mother.

Can you tell me
what happened?

If you know Alfredo,
you know what happened.

He slipped?

Slipped, skipped.
What's the difference?

He landed at the dice table.

How much this time?

The honeymoon money, $300.

Oh, no. Where?

Where else? Casino Carlos.

Ten years
I wait for a wedding...

[speaking Spanish]

Rabbi, have you told
anyone else about this?

Only God, but so far
he has given me no answer.

Well, maybe I've got one.

Out of the mouths of babes.
Tell me, huh?

Well,
I can't tell you right now.

Not until
I'm absolutely positive.

But could you hold off

spreading around the bad news
till I come back?

No!

This is a gambling casino,
not the office of welfare.

But, Carlos,
it's his honeymoon money.

I don't care.

Sister, if I feel sorry
for everybody that loses,

I am out of business.

But it's your bookkeeper's
fiance.

Ex-bookkeeper. She quit
to have a nervous breakdown.

And you're not
gonna even help her?

I don't have a medical license.
You have a heart.

Yeah.

And before you
give it a coronary,

here,
I'll give you the $300.

Oh, thank you, Carlos,
but I don't want it.

[speaking Spanish]

I mean, I mean,
Alfredo wouldn't accept it.

He's got too much pride.

Then why are you
wasting my time?

Well, what I was thinking is,

perhaps you could manage
to let him win it back.

What?I imagine you could
do it easily.

I can't control
the roll of the dice.

Oh, can't you now?

Now what is that
supposed to mean?

It seems to me I read an article
once about a thing called

loaded dice.

Bite your tongue.
You haven't got any?

Sister, I run a legitimate,
government-licensed casino.

Do you know what happened to the
crook that came here a year ago

and--and used
these loaded dice?

[exclaiming]

So you do have a pair.

How fantastically crooked.

I just dropped in to say hello

and tell you about
the dream I had last night.

Please, Sister, I am not
in the mood for dreams.

Well, let me see
if I can remember it now.

Uh, you were standing in a big
room with lots of people.

And you were wearing a tuxedo.

And Sophia was by my side
in a wedding dress,

and I am not a child,
Sister.

Please, forget it.

Who said anything
about a wedding?

Let me see, you were standing
in this big room

and you were standing
in front of a long table.

Long green table.

A long green felt table.
And you were very happy.

Go on.

Let me see,
it gets all mixed up.

Oh, yes. You had
something in your hand.

They were-- They were white
things with black dots on them.

Dice perhaps?

They might have been.

All I know is,
that you took these objects

and you blew on them
like this...

And you threw them out

on the long green felt table
and you shouted,

"Come on, seven. Papa needs
a new pair of shoes,"

whatever that might mean.

Go on. Go on.

Well, anyway,
when these little objects

came to a stop after rolling,

the little black dots
on the top

were five and two,
which adds up to seven.

That is a dream, all right.

Well, I'm not finished yet.

Uh, then every time
you picked up

these little objects
and you rolled them

again and again and again,
they always added up to seven.

Amazing.

You know some of my best hunches
come to me in dreams.

No!

Once I dreamt
I was piloting a plane

and the next day I bet
on a horse called Tri-Pilot

and I made a...

I told you about it once,
remember?

You did?

Oh, what's the difference?

This morning I gave
Rabbi Mendez my solemn word

I should be struck with lighting
if I ever gamble again.

And I won't.
Dream or no dream.

Now, what is the moral question
before us, Sister?

The moral question
before us is,

how can a man's promise,

which he'll probably break
in a moment of weakness

sometime in the future,
compare to the promise

which he wants to keep to the
woman he loves, which he broke?

Yeah. I think what you
are trying to say is

there are promises
and promises.

Exactly.

In this matter,
the Talmud says...

You sure the dice are...
Absolutely.

The Talmud says...

And Se�orRamirez
is willing to...

Just leave it
to Se�orRamirez.

Alfredo, I want to tell you
a story from the Talmud

about a peasant
who came to the Vilna Rabbi.

The Vilna Rabbi was a very holy
and a very wise man.

"Rabbi, help me,"
said the peasant.

"I have a problem. I met
a stranger in a public house

"who invited me to play with him
a game of cards.

"And my problem,
Rabbi, is this,

"I lost my favorite horse,
Tevya.

"My beloved lives
in the next village.

"How shall I get to her
without my horse?"

So the Rabbi looked at him
and he stroked his beard,

and he said one
and only one word,

"Walk."

What has that to do with me?

Don't you understand
the message?

The Vilna Rabbi is telling us
that all of life is a gamble.

But you said...
Never mind what I said

and listen to
what I am saying.

If you can't ride,
you walk.

But if you don't like walking,

look for a stranger who is
willing to gamble his horse.

Your dice, Alfredo.

[people chattering]

Come on, dice. Papa needs
a new pair of shoes.

I rolled a seven.
Seven a winner.

All bets down, please.

Come on, dream, don't turn
into a nightmare.

Another seven.
[Carlos] Seven a winner.

Well, this is
your lucky night, Alfredo.

You might win your $300 back.

More than that if you bet
the whole bundle.

I'm still behind
from last month.

Another seven!

Quit, you dope, quit.

Saving souls, Sister Bertrille?Trying.

Captain Fomento,
what--what brings you here?

I am... Crime.

Crime? Well,
there's no crime here.

Not yet. But why wait
until the last minute?

Yes. Smart, smart.

You seem to be fascinated
with that dice table, Sister.

Well, no, not--not
nearly as much as that

as that
blackjack table over there.

Yeah. I've been
watching the dealer.

Watching. What--What, where?

Don't look now.
Don't look now. Look away.

You see, he's--he's been
holding his little finger

in a very strange way.

Don't look.
Don't look at him.

[shushing]

[whistling]

Now, Sister Bertrille,
would you please do me a favor?

And take Alfredo
away from that table.

With the money he's winning,

he can take a honeymoon
on the French Riviera.

He promised to stop at $300.

[Alfredo laughing]

Another seven!

[man] Keep right on.

Uh, don't you think you ought
to quit while you're ahead?

Are you kidding, Sister?

I'm on the hottest roll
of my life.

Yes, but what's hot cancool off.
I got faith, Sister.

See, I'm smiling, just
like you dreamed in your dream.

Yes, but in my dream,
I dreamt you only won $300.

You woke up too soon.

Seven!

Sister, you were right.

He was holding his finger
in a strange way.

He was?
Yes. In a splint.

He broke his finger
in a--a soccer match.

Is that right?
Yes.

Hello, Se�orFomento.
You're doing well I see.

Twelve straight passes,
Captain.

Twelve straight...
But that's incredible.

Do you know that the--
the record in this casino was,

if I'm... Yes, it was
10 straight passes.

Yes, a seven.

It was established by a man
by the name of Marco,

Marco Di Angelo.

Yes. He was underworld
character and he used...

Loaded dice!
You are under arrest, Alfredo.

Now--Now, wait. Now, wait
a minute, Captain Fomento.

There's a very
simple explanation.

You see, Alfredo...

Actually it--it was Carlos...

Well, it's a very simple
explanation but hard to explain,

so I'll let
Se�orRamirez do it.

Carlos, I'm so sorry
for what happened,

but it was the only way.

I will not listen to you!

I couldn't stand there
and let him arrest Alfredo,

could I?

I don't hear a word you say.

Carlos, I think it's very noble
of you to take the rap.

Oh, yeah? My nobility
fills me with happiness.

I lost $900 to that fool.

I'm about to lose my casino.

Now I have a prison record.
But what does it matter?

Nothing.

Now, Carlos,
stop being petulant.

You're getting out on bail.

Oh, no, I'm not.
I don't want to be bail out.

I don't want to
live in a world in which

such a thing can happen
to an innocent bystander!

Carlos, they want you
to give the bride away.

Well, she can manage
without me.

Sister, as long as
I'm on this side of the bars,

and you are on that side
of the bars, I feel much safer!

Now, Carlos, cut that out.

Se�orRamirez,
you are free to go.

Oh, no,
I don't want to be freed!

I want to pay for my crime!
Out!

I'm going to have
your badge for this.

He's a little upset.

Now you take me back
immediately after the wedding.

I'm dropping the charges.

On what grounds?

I had a long talk
with Rabbi Mendez.

And he told me a beautiful story
that came out of the Talmud.

It seems that this peasant

he lost his horse
because of a wager

and because of this, he was made
to walk from village to village

till his feet bled.

In final anguish he cried
to the Lord up above

for forgiveness.

And the Lord
spoke to him and said,

"Okay, okay.
Stop your whining.

"I have other problems
on my mind."

[sighing]

Let this be a lesson to you.

What does that mean?

How should I know?
I'm a policeman,

not a philosopher.

Out! Out!

"Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me by this ring,

"according to the laws
of Moses and of Israel."

"Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me by this ring,

"according to the law
of Moses and of Israel."

[Jacqueline]
It was a beautiful ceremony.

All eyes were on the Rabbi
and the happy couple.

And fortunate for us,

because Sister Bertrille
was a little behind schedule.

[speaking hebrew]

[people speaking hebrew]

I now pronounce you
man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

[sisters singing hava nagila]

In Brooklyn we got maybe
1,000 reformed synagogues,

but so reformed, never.

♪♪

It's like a miracle.

Rabbi,
do you think perhaps,

it is just an interesting
cloud formation?

Don't be so scientific,
Reverend Mother.

I believe God
had a finger in it.

The Rabbi is so grateful
for my humble cooperation

in this situation,

that he said he wished
he could make me

an honorary member
of the Jewish people.

Oh, how sweet.

I was thinking,
if he should,

does that mean
that I cannot arrest anyone on

Yom Kippur?

Carlos, I'm so proud
of what you did.

With you as a friend,
can I do anything else?

Even if I wanted to?

It's just too bad.

What's too bad?

About the honeymoon.

What are you talking about?

He's has the $900
he won from me.

Not all of it.

What happened?

Well, he had to go to San Juan
to pick up the bride's present.

And he had to make a phone call
when he was there

and the nearest phone
was in a casino.

Oh, no!

How much did he lose?
Roughly?

Yeah.
$900.

Sister, you are not going to get
another penny out of me.

Who's asking you for anything?
No. Oh.

I was just thinking
that if perhaps

you weren't using
your yacht this weekend,

there would be a chance that,
I don't know how,

but maybe
I could borrow your...

Oh, Carlos.

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