Original subtitles

[Jacqueline] Distance lends enchantment.

And from a distance,

the Convent San Tanco was without a blemish.

But up close,

it was like trying to hide the wrinkles of old age

with talcum powder.

It was like trying to get blood from a turnip

and getting it.

It was like walking a tightrope

between the devil and the deep blue sea.

[creaking]

Make that the devil and the deep blue sky.

♪♪

♪♪

The good Lord works in strange and mysterious ways.

If He does not give us the wherewithal

to repair the Convent,

He does give us the patience

to await His miracles in a cozy room.

MAN [on radio] And now that groovy group who'll be opening this weekend

at the Casino Carlos A Go Go, Sonny and The Sundowners.

[music playing on radio]

Oh, Sonny Howard.

Sonny and The Sundowners right here in Puerto Rico.

How strange. I thought they were right here in the Convent.

Sister Bertrille. What?

Would you please turn it off?

Reverend Mother, I went to school with Sonny Howard.

He used to play the cello.

Obviously the cello lost.

What a talent.

Oh, wow, I'd sure love to talk to him again.

I guess I could call Carlos.

Reverend Mother,

you know the old battery in our old station wagon

hasn't been revved up in a long time

and you know what happens...

You know what, Sister Bertrille? What?

I think that you should rev up

the old battery in the old station wagon

right this minute

and, uh, give our regards to your friend.

These are the seating arrangements for the opening?

Oh, yeah. Now, the mayor, you will put here

near the stage.

Near the stage?

But I thought you were friends.

We are. He's hard of hearing.

To him they will sound like mariachis.

[knock on door] Come in.

Hello, Carlos. Ramon.

[groans]

[Bertrille] Am I interrupting something?

When are you not interrupting?

Sister, sometimes your interruptions are welcome.

But tonight is not sometimes.

This is the only night of the week we're closed

and I need to catch up with my work.

So good evening and Godspeed.

Well, then I'll ask Ramon.

I gave at the union.

I just wanted to know where Sonny...

[music playing] They're here.

Oh, Carlos, may I please... [Carlos] No.

How can you say "no" before you know what?

Because I have mental telepathy.

The Convent needs money and you're going to ask them

to appear at a benefit. Right?

Your mental telepathy set needs repair.

I just want to say hello to him.

Oh, Sister, I know that it's very difficult for you

to remember sometimes, but you are a novice,

not a teenybopper.

Sonny happens to be a very old friend of mine.

[Sonny] Carlos!

Hey, Carlos, listen,

we blew one of our amps... Sonny.

Hi. Listen, one of our... Sonny Howard.

Elsie?

Elsie Ethrington?

How are you?

Sonny! I don't believe it!

What a groovy set of threads.

I'm with the Sisters of San Tanco.

What a name for a group. What do you play?

Folk? Rock? Acid?

Hymns mostly.

Oh, you're doing the gospel circuit.

Well, groovy.

Gee, you look tremendous.

Oh, thank you. I don't believe it.

Sonny. What?

You are squeezing a nun.

A what?

A nun.

[stuttering] Really?

I'm a novice at the Convent San Tanco.

You're putting me on.

Elsie Ethrington, a nun?

[Bertrille] Don't make it sound terrible.

No, I didn't mean that. It's just...

Well, I never thought religion was your bag.

Well, it is and I'm really happy.

Well, if you're doing your thing,

it's beautiful, uh, your nunship.

Cut it out. I don't know what to call you.

I never hung out with many nuns.

Well, you call me Sister Bertrille.

We give up our old names when we take up our new life.

Sister Bertrille, huh? [chuckling]

Oh, she sure made a bum

out of the editor of our yearbook.

She was voted Miss Far Out of 1965.

Well, I have news for you.

She still holds the title.

Hey, come on, I want you to meet The Sundowners.

Hey, gang. I want you to meet

one of the grooviest chicks I know.

Uh, knew.

Elsie Ethrington alias Sister Bertrille.

This is Don, Tony, Eddie and Bobby.

Hi. Hi, Sister.

Hi. I enjoy your music.

We used to go to school together.

She was a triple threat, man.

No, really. She wrote, produced and starred

in the senior varsity show, and she was a freshman.

Groovy.

Yeah, I was a real show-off.

A real showstopper, you mean.

You should see this kid dance.

She had the greatest pair of legs.

And sing. What a voice.

Loud, but not good.

Hey, you remember our duet at the end of Act One?

No. Oh, sure you do.

You wrote it, dumb-dumb.

Give-Give me an E-Flat.

♪ Oh, promise Dad ♪

♪ That you will let him see ♪ Oh, yes.

[both] ♪ Straight A's in Civics Lit and History ♪

♪ For college is expensive As you know ♪

♪ If you don't toe the mark Then out you go ♪

♪ Don't worry, Dad, I'll burn the midnight oil ♪

[chuckling] ♪ And crack those books Until my poor eyes spoil ♪

♪ But the old gray matter Ain't what it used to be ♪

♪ Ain't what it used to be Ain't what it used to be ♪

♪ The old gray matter Ain't what it used to be ♪

♪ When we were young, Magee ♪

[both scatting]

If the Pope ever found out about her...

Who'd have the heart to tell him?

Oh.

You know something, Sonny? What?

We were terrible. But in a rotten kind of way.

You're right. Rotten.

Well, I guess I'd better

be getting back to the Convent.

Bye, fellows. It was nice meeting you.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

What a shame.

All that talent down the drain.

Oh, I wouldn't exactly put it that way.

I still write songs every now and then

for my kids. Your what?

My kids.

We have an orphanage at the Convent.

An orphanage? That sounds like laughs.

Hey, how long you in for?

For life, if I'm lucky.

That convent must really have something.

It has everything.

Including poverty.

Oh, that's a shame. Oh, well,

it keeps us from getting fat and sassy.

Hey, wait a minute.

I just got the wildest idea.

Why don't you write a song for me?

What? Oh, for the group.

Our last album was a million-seller.

You'll get a royalty and give it to the Convent.

You write a song for us and we'll use it.

Honest? Would I lie to a nun?

I'll even give you an advance.

What if you don't like it?

Well, then I deduct you as a charitable contribution.

Oh... It's a deal.

[Jacqueline] The question on the floor the next morning was,

would the Reverend Mother approve of Sister Bertrille

writing a song for The Sundowners?

We voted to relieve her of that decision

by not telling her.

It was further decided

that because time was of the essence,

Sister Bertrille would be relieved

of all her chores

so that she could concentrate on her composing.

So while Sister Bertrille worked on her song,

Sister Ana did her sweeping,

Sister Carlotta did her teaching,

and I did her praying.

That's gravy.

Groovy.

Groovy? Okay.

There's groovy on your roast beef.

I hope you like it.

I'm not hungry.

It's a sin to starve your stomach

because your head is filled with music.

That's just it. My head is starved, too.

Mmm.

Well, I'm glad you're taking some nourishment.

How many nails did you have for lunch today?

They're fine. Instead of giving me a little sympathy,

all you do is give me... Hmm.

Mmm. This cold consommé is delicious.

This cold consommé used to be hot tea.

You know what my problem is? What?

No talent. I refuse to believe that.

You've written beautiful songs for the children.

Yes, but I wasn't being paid for them.

The minute money's involved, I-I choke up.

It happens to baseball players

the minute they go into the big leagues.

It's not going to happen to you.

The good Lord has helped you out before.

I-I-I like it.

What was it I did? I did this one...

It sounds familiar.

♪ Way down upon The Swanee River ♪

"Swanee River." Thanks a lot. I give up.

Listen, I think you've been cooped up

in this room too long. A walk would do you good.

How about a short flight?

There's a lovely breeze blowing.

Roger and over.

[gulls squawking]

[Bertrille] The golden glint of sunlight

bathes the particles of sand

and a myriad of patterns are designed.

Eyes on tomorrow and my hand on yesterday,

the whole panorama is my looking glass.

In reverie, I-I watch

the changing colors of the waves.

♪ Break upon the idle Seashore of my mind ♪

♪ I harken to the thunder ♪

♪ Of the trailing of a leaf ♪

♪ As it heralds The awakening of love ♪

♪ And, oh, what miracles abound ♪

♪ Out in a whole new world ♪

♪ I found ♪

Boy, that really blows my mind. It does?

Yeah. Is that good or bad?

Well, that means you flipped me.

It's not really your style, right?

That's the easiest thing in the world to fix.

We just upbeat the tempo,

change a few words here and there

and it's right in our bag. Oh, I can't believe it.

You'll believe it when you hear it.

You'll hear it tomorrow. I want you and the girls-

Sisters to be my guests. Is it okay?

I don't know if the Reverend Mother will permit it.

Do you want me to ask her? I get along with mothers.

She's not your average mother. I'll break it to her.

I hope I see you soon. Okay.

Bye. I'll be expecting you.

Man, you've got to be kidding.

May I remind you that "White Christmas"

was a loser till we gave it a little gas?

Come on, let's go to work.

Reverend Mother, I have a confession to make.

Father Gonzago will be here at the regular time.

No, it's not that kind of confession.

Well, actually, it is.

But I-I wouldn't have done it

except that we really can use the bread.

I-I mean, money.

I-I mean, the roads need repair,

and the walls need painting,

and Pepe needs another catcher's mitt and...

Sister Bertrille. Yes?

Please, do not keep me in suspense.

How did he like your song?

Oh, he loved it and...

You knew?

SeñorRamirez called and asked

if the reservations would be for five people or six.

And what did you say?

I said, the more the merrier, seven.

Then you're not angry with me, Reverend Mother?

Of course, I am angry with you.

If you had confided in me, perhaps I could have helped.

After all, I have written a sonnet or two in my day.

Oh, I will next time. I will. Thank you.

Oh, I am looking forward to it very much tomorrow night.

Oh, me, too.

Oh, it's going to be so exciting.

My song in front of a real live audience.

Oh, and you're going to be there

and all the Sisters are going to be there

and, oh golly, I haven't got a thing to wear.

I beg your pardon?

[music playing]

[people chattering]

Thank you.

Salt and a nun and your fortune is won.

Señor,are you certain...?

I never took my eyes off the bartender.

They are pure Shirley Temples.

Thank you.

Please, Julius. The nuns.

What do you care? You're Episcopalian.

Is everything satisfactory, Reverend Mother?

Oh, yes, indeed. Sisters?

Thank you. I would like you to meet

the Sisters of San Tanco and the Reverend Mother.

This is Manny Julian, the manager of The Sundowners.

How do you do? How do you do?

Mr. Julian just flew in from N.Y.

How exciting. [Manny] Oh, just business.

You know, I only have two clients in my stable

and they're just like children.

Wherever they go, they want their papa with them.

Well, Mr. Julian, it, uh,

it seems that in some respect

your work is not unlike mine.

Right, right, right.

After all, what are we but shepherds trying

to keep our little sheep from going astray?

Oh, by the way,

which one of these little sheep wrote the song?

Guilty.

Congratulations, Sister.

If this song is the winner that Sonny says it is,

we might do a whole album.

Get Bishop Sheen to write

a little something for the cover.

Well, see you later.

Oh, excuse me. Show time.

Yes, please.

That's the no-smoking section.

[crowd applauding]

My friends, welcome to Casino Carlos A Go Go.

The act that I'm about to present

needs no introduction.

But their first song does.

Because it was especially written for them

by our own Sister Bertrille.

Now, let's have a very nice round of applause

for Sister Bertrille.

And now, The Sundowners.

♪♪

♪ The golden glint Of sunlight ♪

♪ Bathes the particles Of sand ♪

♪ And a myriad of patterns Are designed ♪

♪ Turn on! ♪

♪ In reverie, I watch ♪

♪ The changing Colors of the waves ♪

♪ Break upon the idle Seashore of my mind ♪

♪ Higher than high ♪

[all] ♪ It's a whole new world I see ♪

♪ It's a whole new world For me ♪

♪ And as I take a trip Along the corridors of time ♪

♪ Where the winding halls Are carpeted with grass ♪

♪ Grow your own! ♪

♪ My eye is on tomorrow And my hand on yesterday ♪

♪ The whole panorama Is my looking glass ♪

[all] ♪ I'm everyone And everywhere ♪

♪ And it's a whole New world out there ♪

♪ A mind blower ♪

♪ On my odyssey The fabric of the infinite ♪

♪ Unfolds free Of mushroom clouds ♪

♪ That sear the sky above ♪

♪ Magic mushrooms ♪

[all] ♪ Oh, what miracles abound ♪

♪ Out in the whole new world I found ♪

[crowd applauding]

Sister Bertrille, I am aware

of the generation gap between us

but I, uh, didn't think

that it was quite that wide.

I know that you were trying to write a commercial song

but to cater to unhealthy...

Reverend Mother, you don't understand.

Sister Bertrille,

although the Holy Book is my favorite reading,

I do occasionally dip into newspapers

and I do understand

some of the disturbing elements

of the youth of today.

All I did was write a simple song.

A simple song about "turning on,"

"mind blowing,"

"grass that doesn't need mowing"?

What I'm trying to tell you is,

I wrote an innocent song that somehow

lost something in the translation.

[knock on door] Yes.

Visitors.

Carlos, Sonny and Mr. Julian.

Sister Bertrille, do you wish to speak with them?

You bet I do.

Come in, please.

Oh, Reverend Mother, why did you leave so soon?

The audience loved Sister Bertrille's song so much,

they demanded three encores.

Once was enough for us, thank you, señor.

Maybe the Reverend Mother

doesn't dig modern music, Carlos.

On the contrary, I dig it exceedingly.

Oh, well, groovy.

Jerome Kern

is one of my favorite composers.

[Sonny] Well, I don't blame you.

In the olden days, he was one of the greatest.

[Manny] But this is the new generation, God bless them.

And while I don't always agree with everything they sing,

I, like Voltaire once said,

will defend their right to sing it.

Reverend Mother,

here's the standard ASCAP royalty agreement

with a check for 500 dollars in advance.

Use it in good health.

Sister Bertrille.

I'm sorry, Sonny, I can't accept this

for something I didn't write.

Is she wigging out?

Mr. Howard,

if that means, "Is she upset,"

yes, I think she is.

But why?

She's a hit.

Carlos, I wrote a simple song

and Sonny turned it into something that it wasn't.

But that's where it's at.

But, Sonny, that's not where I'm at.

If I may interpose a word here, so to speak.

Reverend Mother, you've got a nice little convent here

and I'd be the last person in the world

to give it a bad name.

But maybe she's right.

Maybe his version... Mr. Julian,

I would prefer to forget the whole incident.

I don't think you'll be able to forget it, Reverend Mother,

unless you hear the song

the way it was meant to be heard.

♪ The golden glint Of sunlight ♪

♪ Bathes The particles of sand ♪

♪ And a myriad of patterns ♪

♪ Are designed ♪

♪ In reverie, I watch the changing colors ♪

♪ Of the waves break upon ♪

♪ The idle seashore Of my mind ♪

[all] ♪ And it's a whole New world I see ♪

♪ Oh, yes, A whole new world for me ♪

♪ And as I take a trip along ♪

♪ The corridors of time ♪

♪ Where the winding halls Are carpeted with grass ♪

♪ My eye is on tomorrow ♪

♪ And my hand on yesterday ♪

♪ The whole panorama ♪

♪ Is my looking glass ♪

[all] ♪ I'm everyone And everywhere ♪

♪ And it's a whole New world out there ♪

♪ On my odyssey ♪

♪ The fabric of the infinite Unfolds ♪

♪ Free of mushroom clouds That sear the sky above ♪

♪ I harken to the thunder ♪

♪ Of the trailing of a leaf ♪

♪ As it heralds The awakening of love ♪

♪ And, oh, what miracles ♪

♪ Abound ♪

♪ Out in a whole new world ♪

♪ I found ♪

[Manny] You!

What did I do?

What did you do? You gilded a lily.

You put a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

That's what you did.

No, he didn't, Mr. Julian.

He-He just put it in his groove.

There are some works of art

you don't fool around with.

That's right. Like "Ave Maria"

or "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"

or "White Christmas."

This song is going to be recorded

the way it was meant to be recorded.

But, Manny, I can't do it like that.

Who asked you to?

I do have another client, you know.

The Salt Lake City Boys' Choir.

Sister Bertrille. Hello.

What are you doing up there?

Oh, just fooling around,

trying to get some inspiration.

For a song?

I thought it would be nice

if the Salt Lake City Boys' Choir

could have something for the flip side.

♪♪

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