Original subtitles

[Jacqueline] Charity is an everyday thing at Convent San Tanco.

But I shall never forget one particular day

when Sister Bertrille,

with her characteristic enthusiasm,

set out to solicit funds for the poor.

Get with it.

All right, he goes, goes, gentlemen.

[man] All go.

[inaudible] Police?

Hi. Will you mind, Sister?

Oh, not at all. Go right ahead.

Uh, look, I was just collecting money

for the poor and I- Uh, some other time. Please.

Five bucks still open out there.

I'll take three. Who wants the other two?

Me.

Sister, with all due respect,

will you get lost?

Oh, no. Please forgive Juan, Sister.

He got a big losing streak, you know?

Well, I don't need a house to fall on me.

Anyone else for charity?

All right. Here, roll 'em, roll 'em. Come on.

Thank you very much. Goodbye, Sister.

[men clamoring]

Come on, snake eyes.

[all shouting]

Seven!

Hey, Sister.

[exclaiming]

All right.

[laughing] Thank you.

Come on, you roll.

[all chattering]

Come on, snake eyes.

Come on four!

[exclaiming] Again!

Sister Lucky!

Where you been all my life?

I got, still got five bucks...

♪♪

[Juan] One for the rich, me. One for the poor.

One for the rich. One for the poor.

Oh, that's a lot of money.

Sister, you earned it. I earned it?

Sure. Listen, before you came along,

I couldn't roll a seven with loaded dice.

I have a feeling it's going to be very different now.

How can I ever thank you?

Oh, don't thank me.

Just keep coming down to the docks.

We're a winning combination, you and me.

Now, listen, we have a game here

every day about noon time.

You come around any time you want.

Tomorrow, huh?

Uh, listen, I have to go back to work.

You know, you're better than a rabbit's foot.

Oh, wait until Reverend Mother sees this.

[laughing]

Sister Lucky?

Well, it's just a nickname, Reverend Mother.

But after he made four the hard way

and then threw seven natural passes

in a row. He threw what?

He won. And this is our split.

I mean, uh, his contribution to the poor.

Sister Bertrille, you will return this money,

every last penny.

And further, you will disabuse

this man of the notion

that a Sister of San Tanco

is in any way a gambler's good luck charm.

Reverend Mother, Juan didn't mean any harm.

No. I am sure that he did not.

But you, Sister Bertrille, have the responsibility

of presenting a certain image to the outside world

and it is not that of a-a-a-

Rabbit's foot?

Anything is an improvement on Sister Lucky.

Yes, Reverend Mother.

Uh, incidentally, you may have heard

that Bishop Parnell will be visiting

from the mainland today.

I would appreciate your making his stay

as uneventful as possible.

Yes, Reverend Mother.

Hey, Sister Lucky.

I'm not Sister Lucky.

I'm Sister Bertrille. Bertrille.

And I've come to give your money back.

What's the matter? you run out of poor?

No. But I got this money under false pretenses.

I'm not your lucky charm.

Well, Sister, you know what they say.

[straining] A rose by any other name

still smells pretty good.

But, Juan, now listen to me.

I had nothing to do with your winning

or losing any money.

You see, it's a matter of mathematical odds

and the law of probability. Is that a fact?

Yes. You see,

it's a- it's a scientific fact.

In-in-in college we put on this experiment,

where they sky-flip this coin for two days,

you know what it proved? Yeah.

It proved that kid's old man was wasting a lot of money

sending him to college. No.

It proved that within a given period of time,

the same number of heads and tails will always come up.

Let me... Yeah. But, Sister,

that little kid didn't have you with him.

Oh, Juan, this is absolutely nonsense.

Now here, take your money back, please.

What? And ruin a good thing? No chance.

Ok. Well, I'll just leave it right here.

Sister, wait a minute.

Listen to me please.

I've been gambling a long time.

I had cold streaks, I had hot streaks.

Mostly cold streaks.

Lately frozen streaks.

Now just when things beginning to warm up,

you're gonna queer it for me?

You mean to tell me you really believe that?

Oh, absolutely.

Well, it's completely illogical.

Sister, who ever told you gamblers were logical people?

Well, you shouldn't be gambling in the first place.

That's another story.

Please, Sister, take the money.

Ok.

[grunting] Just let it sit there.

Oh, Juan, you're the most stubborn man I've ever met.

Ok. Ok.

I'm gonna have to get this "Sister Lucky" nonsense

out of your head once and for all.

Have you got those dice?

I just happen to have them.

Ok. Roll it.

Roll what? Where's the game?

Right here.

Me bet against you?

You're not betting against anyone.

This is a little experiment.

Sister, listen to me.

You got your religion, I got mine.

I don't shoot no craps

unless I got a little something going.

And under no conditions

am I going to tangle with you.

Goodbye, Sister.

Wait a minute, of all the impossible...

Uh, señor, uh, could you help us out here?

Uh, we here are performing this little experiment

and we, uh, kind of need a middleman.

Here you go.

Roll it.

[Juan] 45. Just the number I had in mind.

Five straight passes, I'm not even warm yet.

You want to continue?

Of course he wishes to continue.

After all, this is just an experiment.

[Juan blowing dice]

Be natural, dice. Comin' out.

Hello, five. 23.

23. 23. 23.

Hello, five.

[Juan exclaiming]

[men chattering]

17 straight passes.

Sister, you still believe there's no luck?

Absolutely. Eventually the law of probability

will prove itself.

Whatever happened to snake eyes?

Comin' out. Comin' out.

Ten. A difficult point to make.

Wrong.

An easy point to make

when you have Sister Lucky on your team.

[Juan speaking Spanish]

This is the one, five and five.

[men exclaiming] Ten back again.

I give up.

Oh, well, I don't. This can't go on forever.

[policeman whistling]

Sister, you said it.

[Juan] Run. What?

I swear...

Sister.

Oh, hello, off-officer,

Listen, this isn't what it looks like.

I was just trying to show that, uh...

Well, that-that man

that sooner or later my luck would run out.

You know what, Sister? What?

It just did. It just did.

Ah-hah.

Father Gonzaga looks very well.

Uh, yes. Indeed.

I want to thank you for making this extra stop

to drop off my bags.

Our pleasure, Your Grace.

I'm looking forward to seeing San Tanco again.

It's been a long time since my last visit.

I suppose it's all changed.

Changed?

No, I think it's much the same.

We try to do our very best, Your Grace,

just to keep things from changing,

uh, for the worse.

A not too unusual problem, Sister,

in our world today.

Yes, indeed.

Oh, Reverend Mother,

did I remember to mention in my letter

that I wished to meet Sister Bertrille?

Sister Bertrille?

Do you know her, Your Grace?

No.

But her aunt and uncle

asked me to bring their regards.

To see how she's progressing.

She is still with you?

[police siren wailing] Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Sister Bertrille is one of our most, uh,

most active novices.

Dedicated and active in all areas of her vocation?

Sister Bertrille seems to, uh, go into areas

that we have never thought of entering before.

Some Sister Lucky. Look where it got us.

Oh, don't feel so bad, Sister.

Look at it this way.

The food is not so bad, the price is right.

I still feel lucky.

Besides, you're free to go any time you want.

Even Captain Lopez has enough sense

to know you weren't gambling.

And neither were you.

Well, that he's not so sure about.

[Carlos] What do you mean Captain Lopez will not allow visitors?

If your brother-in-law wasn't a commissioner,

you'd still be stuffing enchiladas.

Señor, please.

[Bertrille] Carlos.

I see it, but I do not believe it.

How did you know I was here?

My dear Sister Bertrille,

when the police grab a nun in a floating crap game,

somehow the word gets around.

And you came all the way down here

because you were worried about me?

Oh, Carlos, it's so nice of you to care.

Of course I care.

After all, you're one of my best friends.

And you, lockin' up a nun.

You ought to be thrown in your own jail.

Señor Ramirez, please.

The good Sister is absolutely free to leave.

She is staying here against my will.

I am not holding her. I will show you.

Sister, eh?

Now, she insists on staying in my jail.

Well, I've got good reasons. Them.

Them? Them.

Me. You?

Why? Well, it's a long story.

See, Juan gave me a dollar for the poor,

since then he's been on a winning streak.

This loser?

That's right, sport.

Ever since Sister Lucky came into my life,

everything is changed.

What a pity I can't accommodate you.

I won't be in here forever, matador.

Well, my casino is always at your disposal,

24 hours a day.

Oh, really?

No, no, no.

The whole idea is outrageous.

For once I'm forced to agree with him.

But, Carlos, you said yourself you couldn't lose.

You've got to help me show Juan

that I'm not his lucky charm.

Sister, I came here just to get you out of jail,

not to get involved in one of your crazy schemes.

But I can't leave until I make Juan understand.

I promised the Reverend Mother.

Sister, please.

I'll make you a deal, Carlos.

You do this for me and I'll leave.

Ok. I'll do it.

Oh, you cannot gamble in my jail.

Because it is against the-the-the-the law.

But this is different.

Carlos is a professional gambler.

He has a license to run a casino.

But this is not a casino, Sister.

Yes, but, Captain, you know the saying:

if Mohammed can't go to the mountain-

No.

It is impossible. Definitely no!

My brother-in-law should only walk in now-

Oh, don't worry about it, Captain.

Contrary to appearances,

you're actually doing humanity a great service.

If he would look at it that way, yes.

[Juan] Uh, incidentally,

uh, how much is the bank?

More than enough, my friend.

I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Well, since I'm going to break it,

I'd like to know what I'm shooting for.

I will let you know

when the pain becomes unbearable.

Soon, I hope.

Now, ahem, shall we talk about

the color of your money?

[clearing throat]

Envelope, please. Ah, yes.

Mmm-hmm.

Are you sure you want to go through with this?

Deal.

Deal. Deal.

[sighs]

Hit me.

All right.

20.

[Juan] 21.

[whistling]

[exclaims]

Black Jack!

[Juan laughs]

I thought you said you couldn't lose.

In the long run.

Well, I'm in kind of a hurry.

And I, too.

Patience.

18. Dealer pays 19.

Ah, 19! You must have been reading my mind.

[Juan laughs]

Patience. Patience.

After all, in the long run...

Carlos, just how long is this run gonna be?

I'm afraid we'll never know.

The game is over. The bank is closed.

What?

You've won the limit.

So raise it, matador.

Not today, my friend.

Carlos- No, Sister.

May I speak to you? No, Sister.

No, Sister.

No, no, no, no.

But, Carlos, if you quit now,

I'll never convince him, and the Reverend Mother will find out.

You won't have helped, you've made 'em worse.

I've made them worse? Yes.

In the long run, and- Well, I know. I know.

Why can't I lead a nice, normal, uncomplicated life?

Before you came to San Juan, my days were carefree,

Filled with romance and beauty.

Now, gone.

For years I run a casino with great success.

Now you come up with some clown

who's about to put me into bankruptcy.

But, Carlos, you said you could beat him-

Ok, fine. I'll go back to that cell.

But you know something? What?

I may end up there permanently.

For gambling? No, for murder.

[telephone buzzing]

Uh, one moment, Sister.

Captain Lopez speaking.

Oh, Captain Lopez, this is Sister Jacqueline.

Is Sister Bertrille with you, by any chance?

Unfortunately, yes, uh, Sister Jacqueline. Yes.

Uh, would it be possible for me to speak with her?

Uh, yes. Certainly, yes.

Please speak to her, please.

For me?

Hi. Everything all right?

Yes, of course.

Uh, we're just a little concerned

about your long absence.

What exactly are you doing?

Trying to do what the Reverend Mother told me.

Convince Juan I'm not his lucky nun.

But that hasn't been easy.

I see. [Reverend Mother] Sister Jacqueline,

is Sister Bertrille free yet?

No, I'm afraid she's still, uh, tied up.

When do you suppose she'll be at liberty?

Sister, how-how soon do you think you'll be through

with your assignment?

Bishop Parnell is most anxious to see you.

Oh, boy, I forgot all about him.

[chuckles] I wouldn't.

Well, that's kind of a problem

considering I'm under arrest.

Or I am as long as Juan and the others are.

I can't very well just walk out,

and now Carlos is in trouble.

Things have gone from bad to worse.

I can't be in two places at the same time.

[whispering] Well, you've done it before.

I suggest you do it again.

Right.

[clearing throat]

Say, how about some fresh air?

There is no one on duty

in the exercise yard at this hour.

Oh.

Anyone for food? The kitchen is closed.

Oh.

I don't suppose anyone's thirsty?

Well, you know, Sister,

I could go for something tall and cold.

Great. I'll get you a soft drink.

Well, listen, please don't be too long.

No. You will find a machine

down the hall. Right.

[footsteps pattering]

Boy! Sister, am I in time?

His Grace awaits within.

Great. Oh, Sister, could you please round up

a couple of soda pop to take back?

Soda pop? To take back? Yeah.

I thought you were paroled. No, I busted out.

But if I don't get back, things will be worse.

All right.

Sorry to keep you waiting, Your Grace.

Sister Bertrille?

I'm so glad you were able to get away.

Get away? Yes.

Reverend Mother Placido tells me

you are her most active novice.

Oh.

I've been waiting so long

I'd almost forgotten my mission.

Your aunt and uncle

asked me to look you up on this trip,

and to give you this.

Oh, thank you, Your Grace.

And thank them for me

and give them my fondest regards.

If you'll excuse me. But, Sister,

I'd like to be able to take back

a little more than that with me.

You must tell me all about yourself.

Oh. Well, there's not much to tell.

Now, now.

We mustn't be too humble.

Sit down, please.

I-I know how pressed for time you must be. I'll just-

I have all the time in the world.

Please sit down, Sister.

Reverend Mother tells me

that you're very happy in the work that you're doing.

That reminds me, I've got-

Sister, please, sit down.

[chattering]

[Bertrille] ...despite our lack of funds,

the children have been able to benefit

from the newest teaching methods.

Señor Ramirez has been so generous-

Sister Bertrille.

Uh, we must not take up all the bishop's time.

No. You're right, Reverend Mother. I was just-

I know that you have to go back before they, uh...

I mean to finish your assignment.

I'm sure that Bishop Parnell will excuse you.

Well, I suppose I must.

[men chattering]

Here you are, Juan. Something tall and cool.

Oh, Sister, where have you been?

Getting you something to drink.

Where did you go for it? The convent?

Look at this. [Bertrille] Wiped out, huh?

Clean. Well, I'm sorry, Juan,

but maybe it's for the best.

It proves what I've been saying-

No, Sister. Don't you see

it proves what I've been saying?

You are my lucky charm. Juan, that's not true.

Sister, you weren't here, so I lost.

Don't you see now?

Wait a minute.

Why am I getting excited?

Now you're back, I can't lose.

All right, matador.

Let's try it now with Sister Lucky beside me.

With what, my friend?

I see no chips in front of you.

Uh, uh, take-take my marker.

No I.O.U.S

Are you afraid? Me?

Afraid of you?

But you people never learn.

Well, I think you've already taken enough of my time.

Oh, you-you see that, Sister. He's running scared.

He knows he can't beat us.

Carlos...

Please?

Ok.

I'll take your marker.

A pencil and a paper, please.

What will it be?

Well, since you're in such a hurry,

let's make it fast and easy for you.

Uh, high card.

High card it is then.

Once more.

Ok.

Wait, wait, let me see yours.

Enough, my friend?

Juan, you don't have to do it anymore.

Sister, just stay beside me. Once more.

Uh, double or nothing.

Double or nothing.

[grunts] Well,

I'm so glad this is finally over with.

You can get this Sister Lucky nonsense out of your head.

Sister, maybe you can get it out of your head,

but, uh, I think it's going to be a long time

before señor Ramirez and I can forget about it.

What do you mean?

[Juan] What I mean is...

My marker is worthless.

Oh, no.

Carlos, I'm so sorry. I honestly didn't-

Don't say anything. Not a word.

Not-not-not a word.

[sighs]

I knew it. I just knew it.

What is this?

Some new kind of charity you want me to contribute to?

Oh, Carlos, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault,

but if you could just give us time-

Time? Yeah.

600 dollars worth of time?

What is this? Is he asking to gamble

on Carlos Ramirez's easy five-year lay-away plan?

No, Sister. That's out of the question.

My lawyers will take care of this.

Your lawyers? Hmm.

Oh, what can they do?

Put him in jail? He's already here.

Can they get you your money? No.

And it'll probably end up costing you a lot more.

Oh, Carlos, I know what Juan did was wrong

and I guess he knows that, too.

But you know something?

You could solve two problems at once.

All right. Now, how do you propose that?

Put Juan to work in your casino.

[snickering] In my casino?

Yes. That way he could work off his zest for gambling

and pay off the debt at the same time.

You know, Sister, I think you have a point there.

Me, too. That's the only way

I get the money he owes me.

Well, then it's set? Let's shake on it.

[chuckles]

Maybe I'm lucky for you after all, Juan.

Yes, Sister Lucky. I'm very grateful to you,

but let's get one thing straight.

There's no such thing as luck.

It's all a question of Mathematics.

Yeah, you can make book on that.

♪♪

[end credits]

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