Original subtitles

[barking]

[birds chirping]

[Jacqueline] One memorable day, Sister Bertrille set out

on a sort of one-woman mission.

Her object was to collect as many interesting rocks as possible

for the children in her nature study class.

Now, any day in Sister Bertrille's life could not be called ordinary.

But this day turned out to be most extraordinary.

Even for Sister Bertrille.

And it was a day she would never forget

as long as she lived.

[grunts]

[Bertrille coughing]

[man] Oh, beautiful. Just beautiful.

You really fixed us up just fine.

Well, I'm sorry, but you did come charging at me.

Well, what do you expect me to do

when you come sneaking up on me?

Ask me... Ask you to dance?

Hey, I wasn't sneaking up on you.

For heaven's sakes, I was looking for rocks.

Oh, you were looking for rocks? Yes.

What were you doing here?

I'm a boy scout.

I was looking for my den mother.

Are you hurt?

No, no, I...

I used to always carry my head this way.

I said I was sorry.

Look, why... why did you have to come here in the first place?

I told you, I was looking for rocks.

My name is Sister Bertrille from the convent San Tanco.

Oh, terrific.

Look, sister, in case you don't get it,

you and I are trapped in this pad.

Now, there are more rocks there and dirt in that entrance,

then--then could fill the Grand Canyon.

Now, look, if you want to jump up and down, and sing hallelujah

and welcome the great reward with open arms,

just go right ahead and do it.

Me, I have a natural tendency to get just a little bit nervous

when I know I'm about to be buried alive, with a nun.

Oh, I'm still a novice. I won't be a full-fledged nun--

sister, you ain't going to be nothing ever. Don't you get it?

'Cause you're not gonna live very long.

Maybe we can dig our way out.

Oh, sure.

With--with what, huh? With--with this?

You and I are going to end up rotted and decayed just like that board.

Don't you get it?

Nonsense. We're going to get out of here. Oh.

This tunnel must lead someplace.

Oh. Look, sister, Ok, you wanna go looking, you go look

and if you find coney island,

give me a whistle and I'll come running, Ok?

I don't personally care what you do.

I'm going to have a look around.

Excuse me. Hey, would...

There's light in here. Look, up there.

Oh, I knew there'd be an opening.

Oh, I knew there would be. I knew it.

Now, isn't that just dandy?

Now, how do you suggest we get up there, huh? We jump?

I could climb on your shoulders.

How tall are you, half portion?

5 feet. 5'2', with heels.

Nuns wear heels?

Well, I wasn't always a nun.

Oh, I keep on forgetting. You're still a pledge.

Novice. Ok, novice. Have it your own way.

Ok, novice, how far would you say it is

from down here to up there, huh?

Mmm, 15 feet. 20.

Oh. I'm 6 feet. You're 5.

That leaves 9 feet.

Right.

Well, at least we won't suffocate.

No. No, we'll just die of malnutrition, that's all.

That's pessimistic thinking.

Are you gonna give me the miracle bit now, sister?

The "we'll get saved at the last minute" pitch?

Because if you are, I don't want to hear it. I don't believe in miracles.

Well, what do you believe in?

I don't believe in anything, and I don't believe in anybody.

And I don't want to hear any lectures now, please,

because I'm not in the mood.

Those 9 lousy feet are gonna get me buried

beneath 50 feet of rock and dirt

just because a novice nun throws

a judo pass at me and the whole side of a mine caves in.

Oh, I can see it now.

In about 10 years time, there'll be a couple of lines

on the back page of the local throw sheet.

[quote] "Prospectors looking for gold

"find the remains of a nun

"and a young man named Bill Watkins

reported missing back in 1967."

Watkins. Watkins.

I had a teacher by the name of Watkins once.

Mary Watkins, that was her name.

She was my science teacher.

And you know what? She had this theory

that we're all just mirror images.

That we never really exist on this earth.

Yeah, well, I would like to trade places

with my mirror image right now.

Except with my luck, somebody would probably break it.

Maybe you're related, huh?

No, I don't have any relatives.

You had a mother and father, didn't you?

So I heard.

Hey, what are you doing?

Trying to attract some attention.

You see, my station wagon is parked--

sister, honey, I hate to burst

that beautiful bubble of optimism that you've got,

but we are 50 miles from nowhere,

and nobody's gonna come looking for us here.

Maybe one of those prospectors will show up early.

Hey, you know what I should do?

Maybe I should write a note and attach it to one of those rocks.

And then throw it up there. What kind of a message?

How about, "roses are red, violets are blue,

Bill Watkins and I are waiting for you"?

You're a laugh a minute, aren't you?

Well, it's better than crying.

Besides, I sneeze when I cry.

You sneeze when you cry?

Yeah.

Kind of, uh, an allergic reaction to weakness, I guess.

Now, who told you that? Your psychiatrist?

My own interpretation.

Have you got a pencil? No.

So, just forget about the message, huh?

Well, the least you can do is help me throw some of these rocks.

How do you know? Yours might be the lucky rock.

Ok.

[grunting]

Oh, no, not that one. That's the one--

[groaning]

That's a pretty bad cut.

Good, maybe I'll bleed to death.

I have a first aid kit in the...

Oh, that doesn't do us much good.

Well, now, come to think of it, I've got my own first aid.

[Bertrille] Oh, good.

Yeah.

The very best first aid there is.

Oh, great.

Ok, I'm very glad you decided to be sociable.

You might as well. It's gonna be a long, cold winter.

How much?

About 2 fingers.

Will wonders never cease?

That's good.

Thank you. Now, will you lean over?

What for? I'm gonna pour this on your cut.

Hey, not with my bourbon you don't.

Oh, yes, I will. Over my dead body.

[groaning] Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry. It hurts me more than it does you.

No, it didn't. That was my bourbon.

Well, you want to get an infection in that cut?

Oh, you really are too much.

We're gonna die in this disaster area

and you're worried about a minor infection.

We are not going to die

because we're going to find a way out of here.

Ah!

The last time somebody went "ah" like that,

I was sitting in a dentist's chair

and I had a gas mask suddenly plopped over my nose.

Next thing I knew, I was missing 2 wisdom teeth.

It could have been your appendix.

Hey, do you feel up to giving me a hand?

Doing what?

Well, I thought we could build a ladder.

With what?

Well, there's plenty of wood around here and boards.

And what do we do for nails?

We don't need any.

Oh, no.

Oh, this is some kind of a happening.

You know, what really took place was,

when that-- when that opening fell in on me

I was knocked out for keeps. I'm not alive.

I'm in purgatory and you're my punishment.

Don't be ridiculous. We're both alive.

Have you got a knife?

Sure. In the duffle bag. Help yourself.

Ok. Thank you. Now, listen, you can gather up

something to use for ties, some of that old burlap--

hey, wait a minute. I'll get it.

I said I'd get it.

You were looking for this?

Yes. Thank you.

Well, let's get to work.

This should finish the last rung. Yeah.

All we need now is for someone to fly by low enough to see our signal.

You know what? What?

I think the Sheriff's helicopter

flies over this way every once in a while.

Now what do you mean by that crack, huh?

Does it have to mean something?

[exclaims]

You're just bustin' to ask a lot of questions, aren't you, sister?

Well, let me tell you something.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a nosy nun.

And I don't like playing any cat-and-mouse games either.

So I'd better spell it out for you.

The "p" doesn't stand for personality.

No, it certainly doesn't.

I spent 3 months in that crummy dump,

and last night I saw my chance to cut out and I took it.

Now, to you, that should mean just one thing:

If we ever do get out of this place,

you just tear up our formal introduction, Ok?

You just forget that you ever knew me.

What makes you think I want to remember you?

Hey, you shouldn't talk to me that way, sister.

Now, how do you know what kind of a guy I am?

I mean, I could be some kind of a psycho

doing time for murder, for all you know.

Aren't you just a little bit afraid? Nope.

Well, you should be.

I mean, you could put the finger on me and send me back there

and I wouldn't like that one little bit.

Maybe you should be afraid of me then.

Hey, I don't think you get it.

Uh, it would be to my advantage to see to it

that you never got out of here.

Now, all I would have to do is say that you got caught

in that slide back there and everybody would believe me.

Yes, you're right.

What are you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna help you put up this ladder.

Keep going now. Ok.

[ladder creaking] You're doing just fine.

You know what?

You know what this reminds me of? What?

The first time I climbed up to my tree house.

It wasn't quite this high, but it seemed this high.

I guess I was about 5 years old.

And you know what happened?

Never mind the yak-yak, huh?

I mean, you know what happened that first time

when I climbed up to my tree house?

That's what happened.

Hey, are you hurt? No, I'm Ok.

I guess it wasn't a very good idea after all.

Hey, you are hurt.

No. Really, I'm not hurt.

Hey, wait a minute. Your wrist is cut.

It's just a scratch. Let me take a look at that.

No, it's Ok. Come here now.

One thing I can't stand is a noble dame.

What are you gonna do?

Just administer a little first aid.

Oh, no, you don't. Oh, yes, I do.

You know, what's sauce for the goose, etc.

You're just trying to get even.

Right.

[groaning]

Hurts, huh?

Well, at least the germs will die happy.

Ha, ha.

Now, let me take a good look at that.

You should have about 5 stitches put in there.

Flex your fingers. No, flex them. Yeah.

No tendons cut. Now separate them.

That's good.

And the median nerve isn't severed either.

That's perfect. You must live right.

How come you know so much about this type of thing?

I used to play doctor-nursie when I was a little boy.

No, seriously, did you ever study medicine?

Yeah, I took a fling at it.

Well, I can't think of a better profession.

Oh, listen, sister, there's nothing at all noble about my intentions.

I wanted to be a doc because if you make the grade,

it pays real good.

But I overlooked one thing.

It takes time

and money just to get started.

[scoffs]

Lots of time,

and lots, lots of money.

Well, others do it.

Yeah, well, others don't get the bad breaks I do.

Oh, tell me more. I just adore soap operas.

Oh, what do you know about the real side of life, sister?

You live in a locked-in world

of symbols and statues and church chapels.

Sure, I wanted to be a doc.

But I didn't have any cash.

So I did everything,

from running errands to friends of mine who were bookies,

to stealing hubcaps...

Well, quite a few other things you really wouldn't dig.

But I saved up $3,000.

Gonna be a big man.

Gonna be William Watkins, M.D.

Enter my old man.

Could smell money clear across the country.

Tracked me down.

He said he felt that he owed me something.

You know, for running out on me when I was a kid,

and he had a big deal cooking.

He could double my $3,000.

Yeah, well, my old man,

he took a powder and with him went the money.

So I needed cash. Guy comes up to me.

He wants a pair of shoes delivered down here to Puerto Rico.

All I have to do is wear those shoes down here,

deliver them to a certain cobbler,

get the heels fixed. That's all.

For that I was to get $5,000.

Must have been some shoes.

You would be surprised how many stones

can fit into the heels of one pair of shoes.

You like soap operas?

How about this one?

I never made it to that cobbler.

I got picked up at the dock

and sent to detention camp for a 6-month stretch.

Well, I sat it out 3 months.

Yesterday a guy comes up to me.

He's got a friend in Nassau, owns a casino.

He needs a dealer, like, right now.

So, I cut out.

But something came up. I didn't make it.

That something was you, sister.

Now, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna grab myself 40 winks.

If anybody drops by,

offer them a drink, huh?

[wind howling]

[Watkins] Uh,

sister,

w-would you mind telling me what you're doing?

Well, I wouldn't know how to explain.

Yeah, well, uh, just take your time.

Maybe it'll come to you, hmm?

Well, you see,

I--I heard the wind blowing up above. Uh-huh.

And--and I felt that there was a breeze in here.

Oh, well, if you're cold you can use my sweater.

No, no, I was trying to catch a draft.

You were? Where was it going? Oh, never mind.

Now, look, I asked you a simple question and I want an answer.

What were you doing there?

Well, if I told you, you'd think I was crazy.

Now, of course I wouldn't.

Well, I, I was trying to get airborne.

Airborne?

Yeah. I was trying to fly.

Oh.

I do fly, you know. Yes, of course.

I mean fly, really fly. Fly.

Like an airplane. Well, of course you do.

And you must take quite a few falls, too.

Sometimes. Not often. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And--and where do you usually do--do this flying?

Oh, most anyplace. I...

I usually take off from the convent balcony, you know,

and then I usually just fly around a few times,

and then I just go.

But it--it depends on how gusty the wind is.

Oh, yeah, now. So, I should imagine.

You see, I, I don't weigh very much and,

and--and my cornet acts like the wings of a bird

and that's how I fly.

Uh-huh.

Oh, I knew you wouldn't believe me.

No, no, but I do. I do. I do believe you.

[crying] All I wanted to do was just find some wind

so that I could fly and get out of here.

Oh, what's the use?

Hey. Hey, sister, now

now, come on, don't you break up now.

I was counting on you to get us out of here.

And--and if you break up, I don't know

[sneezing] What I'm gonna...

Hey, aw, don't cry. Now, come on.

You know something?

You know something? You're kind of cute at that.

I mean, you're kooky as all get out, but you are kind of cute.

You know,

that's the first nice thing you've said to me since we've been in here.

I know. I haven't been much help,

and it's been a very rough day for you.

[sniffing]

I've got it. I've got just the thing to take your mind off it.

How would you like to see me do a card trick, huh?

You have cards?

No, but I don't need them.

You do tricks without cards?

Mmm-hmm. That's right.

That makes us alike. How's that?

Well, you do tricks without cards,

and I fly without a plane.

Oh, now, look, uh, I really want you

to keep your mind away from that.

Just--just for the time being, Ok?

Ok. Now...

Here we go. Now.

Ok, now, pick a card.

Any card? Any card at all. 52 choices.

Now, look at it. Don't let me see it.

Got it? Got it.

Ok, put it back in the deck.

You won't peek? No. Scout's honor.

Ok. Ok, now.

What was your card?

Well, you're supposed to tell me.

Oh, no, no, you've got to tell me. That's part of this trick.

7 of hearts.

7 of

hearts.

7 of hearts.

That's right.

It was a marked card.

Oh, no, that would be cheating.

Well, how'd you do it?

That I can't tell you. That's professional ethics.

Can I try? Help yourself.

Ok.

[imitating shuffling of cards]

♪[humming]

I've got it. We'll build a fire.

We'll build a fire? Yes.

In here? Right.

Look, I told you if you were cold, you can have my sweater.

I am not cold.

What are you? Some kind of pyromaniac?

No. I want to build a fire to get us out of here.

Look, you cannot build a fire in here.

Because if you build a fire in here,

we're gonna burn up all of this lovely oxygen.

And we wouldn't want to do that now, would we?

Oh, don't be silly.

Me, silly.

Fire creates draft.

If I get a strong enough draft,

I can fly out of here and get help.

You will asphyxiate us. That's what you'll do.

There's a very simple principle of aerodynamics involved here,

having to do with currents of air and laws of motion.

Yeah. There is a very simple principle of insanity here!

Please do not shout.

I am not shouting!

Now, you're not gonna build a fire here.

I certainly am. You certainly are not.

And the reason that you're not-- the reason that you're not

is because I have got the matches.

[sighing]

Give me those matches. Oh, no. No, no.

I want the matches.

No. Look, sister now, you come one step closer to me...

[stuttering] I'm sorry, but... You'll what?

If you come one step closer to me I'll... So help me, I'll...

You'll what? I'll let you have it. I'll let you have it.

I wouldn't do that if I were you, Charlie.

You didn't do so well on the first encounter.

That was a sneak attack.

You know what your trouble is, William Watkins?

You don't know how to fight.

You'd rather sit on your duffle bag

and beef about your bad luck because it's easy.

And every time something goes wrong, you blame it on someone else.

Ok. Ok.

The good book says ask and you shall receive

but it doesn't say sit there on a velvet pillow

and they'll bring it to you.

Ok. Ok.

You wanna have a miracle, I'll show you a miracle.

But you're gonna have to believe in something for once in your life.

And that something is me.

Now I'm coming after those matches

and you're not going to stop me.

[grunting]

Give up?

Ok, sister. You win.

Have your fire. Build it. Burn the whole place up.

I'm gonna have to go anyway, it might as well...

Might as well be in flames.

Matches, please.

Thank you.

Well, I'll take off any minute now. Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, well, I'll have the band play anchors away.

One thing. When we're out of here, promise me something.

Oh, if we get out of here, I'll promise you anything.

Promise me you won't tell anybody about my flying.

Oh, sister, believe me, that is one thing

I will never mention a word of to anybody.

You still don't believe I can do it.

Well, I can always use a laugh.

Hey, don't forget to put out the fire.

Ok.

[breathing heavily]

If anybody's listening--

[bertrille] You still there?

Sorry I took so long, but I had to go find a rope.

Come on up. I have it anchored to the station wagon.

It'll hold.

Well, I guess I'll be shoving off.

Would you like a lift?

No, thanks. No.

I don't think I'm going the way you're going.

Oh. Good luck.

That's all? Just good luck?

No lectures? No last-minute sermons?

No. But if you ever want a job in San Juan,

I know somebody who can help you.

Well, thank you. I'll remember that.

You know something, sister?

You're the first person who ever played it straight with me.

And you know something else?

I got the feeling that my luck has changed.

I--I feel free. I don't know how it happened, but I'm free.

Maybe just because somebody thinks I'm worth saving after all.

Goodbye, Dr. Watkins.

Bye.

[birds chirping]

Hey, wait a minute.

Um, there's a highway up the road a couple of miles.

Maybe I could ride part of the way with you after all.

Good. Ok.

You want to drive? Oh, sure.

Uh, just push that button.

[engine starting]

Uh,

on second thought, I might as well go all the way.

[end credits]

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