Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] It is one of the duties of the sisters

of the convent San Tanco to remind people

that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

It seems that very few could afford to be blessed anymore.

Still, did that discourage Sister Bertrille?

I'm sorry to say, it did.

No soup? That's soap, sister.

And no clothes for the kids, either.

Well, we got a donation of sea grapes.

Oh, with this stirring response,

no wonder we're a non-profit organization.

I've had so many doors closed in my face,

I'm lucky I don't have splinters in my nose.

At one house all I did was stop and ask for directions,

and the lady said they already gave.

Lemonade, sisters?

Oh, yes. That would be wonderful. Thank you.

Lemonade would sure punch the spot.

That will be 5 cents, please.

Now Fernando, your arithmetic. How much is 3 times 2?

6 cents. But for the clergy I give a discount.

Oh, well, you mustn't do that.

Soon I'll make enough money to buy a baseball glove.

And you'll enjoy it all the more, Fernando,

because you earned it yourself.

Sisters, that's what we need.

Hmm? What for do we need a baseball glove?

No. We need to earn our own way.

We should be going around with our heads up instead of our hands out.

I don't follow you. Why, it's simple.

The convent is going into business, that's all.

Plants, plastics, plumbers.

I don't suppose we could be plumbers?

No, our cornets would never fit under the sink.

Somehow, I don't think the reverend mother

would take too kindly to our wearing coveralls.

I don't think reverend mother is going to like

this whole business of our going into business.

Sister Ana, hasn't the reverend mother

always put the good of the order above everything else?

And besides, by the time she gets back from rio piedras,

we'll already be in production.

Oh, it'd be nice to buy new clothes for the children.

New is better than hand-me-outs. Downs, sister.

Ups, downs, outs, they're all the same and we're through with them.

From now on, we're self-sustaining. We're in business.

But what business?

Propellers, protective coatings, psychiatrists...

I don't know.

All the best ones seem to be taken.

Maybe we're approaching this in the wrong way.

We should be looking for a business that no one else is in,

therefore we have a ready-made demand for our product.

I've got it. What is it?

It's been staring us in the face all along. What?

Tell us. The Nectar of San Tanco.

The nectar of San Tanco? Sea grape juice.

I've never seen it in the market.

I've never seen it advertised.

I've never even heard from it. You're going to hear from it now.

Maybe you have something there.

I wouldn't do that if I were you, Sister Jacqueline.

You're eating into profits.

It's very nice to see you, Luis.

You don't come in from arecibo that often.

With all the new hotels and restaurants opening up,

uh, I am much occupied supplying them with food.

You know, one of these days I'm going to take my boat to your part of the island

and have a look at the whole operation.

Carlos. Wait till you hear...

Sister Bertrille, can't you see I'm busy?

When will you learn to knock?

Well, if I'd knocked, you'd have said, "who is it?"

And I'd have said, "Sister Bertrille,"

and you'd have said, "come in," and since you're so busy,

you should be pleased I'm saving you time.

How can you argue with that kind of logic?

This is Sister Bertrille, Luis Fierro.

I am most honored, sister. How do you do?

Sister, what can I do for you today even though the answer is already no.

It's not what you can do for me, it's what I can do for you.

That's a switch.

Carlos, since you've been so good to us,

such a kind and generous friend to San Tanco--

how much is it going to cost me this time?

Not one thin dime.

We've decided to give you absolutely free, exclusive distribution rights.

Distribution rights, for what?

I can't tell you.

It's still in the planning stages

and we wouldn't want word to leak out.

But we wouldn't think of coming to anyone else but you.

Sister, what do I want with exclusive distribution rights

to something I know nothing about?

Well, I'll tell you this much, the convent is coming out with a sensational product.

You already have one.

Religion.

Besides that. Something that can be packaged,

something the world has been waiting for.

Look. Sister-- Carlos, you don't have to show me your appreciation now.

We'll work out the details later.

I don't want to work out any details.

I don't want anything to do with this.

You mean you want me to go someplace else?

Frankly, yes.

Ok, but remember, Carlos, opportunity only knocks once.

But at least it knocks.

Ok. Don't come crying to me when you find out you blew a gold mine.

Bye.

Just a minute, sister.

If Carlos is not interested, perhaps I am.

[Carlos] Oh, Luis, be careful what you are saying.

But, surely, if you can't trust a nun, whom can you trust?

Well, you don't know this convent as I do.

These are not ordinary nuns.

Still, there's something very imaginative about this proposition.

Other orders have successfully gone into business.

And you would be willing to accept exclusive distribution rights

to whatever it is,

sight unseen?

I would.

All right, provided that it's a marketable product,

we'll go 50-50.

Done.

Oh, you won't be sorry. I'm sure we won't.

But at least if we are,

this time I'll only have to be half sorry.

[crickets chirping]

I do not understand, sister.

You wish to buy my sea grapes?

Your whole crop.

But,

nobody ever wanted to buy the whole crop before.

Oh, it makes me so happy to hear that.

You'll deliver of course? Of course.

As soon as they are paid for.

Oh, well, you'll get your money on the 10th of the month.

But, uh, sister, that is not customary.

Oh, it's obvious you've never dealt with big business before.

Well, I am just a small farmer.

Yes. Well, in big business, everything is paid on the 10th of the month.

I don't know, sister.

I-- I'll let you in on a little secret.

You know Señor Carlos Ramirez?

The casino owner? Yes.

Well, you see, he has an interest in our business.

Carlos Ramirez? Now, do you doubt that you'll get your money?

Me, doubt the word of a sister?

Now don't forget, the 10th of the month.

I will not forget, sister.

[Jacqueline] What we didn't know about making sea grape juice...

[grape juice bubbling]

Pardon me, the Nectar of San Tanco,

would fill a book.

It certainly filled our basement.

I can't believe we're actually in business.

We're in business until the 10th of the month.

Oh, we'll have the money.

For the sea grapes? The sugar? The bottles?

And the equipment rental.

And we'll have enough money left over for our work with the kids.

[footsteps approaching]

These ninos would like to lend a helping foot.

[Bertrille exclaiming]

Come on in.

Come on in. The juice is fine.

[children chattering]

[stomping]

[Reverend Mother] What is going on in here?

[Bertrille exclaiming]

Reverend mother, welcome home.

Have we got a surprise for you.

Sister Bertrille, I wish to see you in my office.

Immediately.

[Bertrille] So you see, reverend mother, with a business of our own,

we can shift for ourselves and be beholden to no one.

You present a strong case, Sister Bertrille.

But,

I would have preferred that you consult with me first.

But, reverend mother, there wasn't time.

In the world of big business, you have to charge when the moment is ripe.

I see, and the moment was ripe?

The moment, and the grapes.

Oh, dear. And to think that when I was away,

all I had to worry about was your flying.

I've got both feet on the ground this time, reverend mother.

A little purple, but on the ground.

If only my faith could match your enthusiasm.

Oh, reverend mother, believe me. We know what we're doing.

Well, you saw our assembly line.

Detroit couldn't have set it up any better.

I admit, things did seem to be running rather smoothly.

Oh, smoothly isn't the word for it.

[Ana] Sister Bertrille, come quickly.

I told you smoothly wasn't the word for it. Excuse me.

Where are more buckets?

The others are looking. I took the mop out of this one.

[grape juice bubbling]

What's happened?

Oh, the spigot broke, and it's Niagara Falls in sea grape juice.

Oh, the pot is broken, too.

Stir it or something.

[exclaiming] Oh, Sister Bertrille, are you certain that

Detroit couldn't set this up somewhat better?

Now reverend mother, you mustn't let a little setback

keep you from seeing the value of the whole enterprise.

I still say we've got a good thing going.

Well, then I advise you to-- to start filling those bottles

or your good thing is going to go right out the door.

[all chattering]

Weeks of labor and love went into this

and at long last here it is.

The first batch of Nectar of San Tanco.

Taste that.

What do you think?

I think it's sea grape juice.

Well, that's just its maiden name.

Oh, sister, if I would have known that the business

you were going into was the making of sea grape juice,

I would have laughed you out of my office.

What's wrong with sea grape juice?

Who's going to buy it? Everybody.

How do you know? It's never been on the market before.

Probably because nobody will buy it.

Yes, but once you and Señor Fierro get behind it--

Señor Fierro is a big supplier.

He wouldn't stoop to fool around

with something like sea grape juice.

Oh, sister, I don't want to get involved in this anymore.

We had a verbal contract.

We said if the product was marketable.

Sister, I'm sorry, but I have the feeling

that you and the others have been wasting your time.

[sighing] Please, don't waste mine.

Is that your final word?

It is.

Naturally, this means you no longer have exclusive distribution rights.

Sister Bertrille, you have made a valiant effort,

but the time has come to face reality.

We were just not meant to be businesswomen.

[sea grape juice bubbling]

This was our chance to be independent,

to do something for ourselves instead of always relying on charity.

Sister Bertrille,

the first epistle of St. Paul to the Corinthians.

"And now abideth faith, hope, and charity, these three:

And the greatest of these is..."

"Charity."

[footsteps approaching]

Sister Bertrille, there are several people here to see you.

About the nectar. But...

Customers. We gave up too soon. Oh, come on, come on.

Sisters, sisters, be careful.

[bubbling]

Oh, reverend mother, I don't even have a paper and pencil.

Well, you take the orders and I'll remember all the names.

Good morning, sister. Reverend mother.

[Reverend Mother] Good morning.

We have come for our money.

Oh, that.

[farmer] It is the 10th of the month.

So soon?

[birds chirping]

Sister Bertrille, who are these gentlemen?

I think you call them creditors.

This is Señor Sea Grapes,

Señor Sugar, Señor Bottles,

Señor Equipment Rental, Señor...

I don't know who he is.

I'm from the license bureau, sister.

I feel it's my duty to tell you,

you have to have a license to run a business.

We set out to make the Nectar of San Tanco,

only everybody calls it sea grape juice.

All these people want their moneys,

but we haven't got it to give it to them,

because we haven't sold a single bottle.

And you call that running a business?

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille managed to stave off

bankruptcy for a while,

by giving each of the creditors a share of the business.

If this keeps up,

it doesn't take a mathematical genius to figure out

that the only way we could break even would be to go out of business.

Still, there were all those bottles of Nectar of San Tanco to sell,

and Sister Bertrille was willing to try anything.

[bubbling]

Want some juice?

Are you sure it's sea grape juice?

I tasted it myself.

Carlos,

we have been friends for a long time.

You would not be trying to ease me out of a good thing?

Luis, believe me.

I saved you from getting mixed up in a losing proposition,

Sister Bertrille's folly.

Such solicitude on your part.

It is not like you, Carlos.

You should be thanking me, not insulting me.

You would not mind if on my way back I investigate for myself?

Do that.

Then you can thank me.

Sea grape juice.

I was afraid you'd say that.

I'm sorry, sister, reverend mother,

it is very good, uh, for sea grape juice,

but I'm afraid I can't handle a homemade product such as this.

Of course, we understand.

Thank you for coming, Señor Fierro.

Eh, Sister Jacqueline will show you out.

[bubbling]

[tires screeching]

That was Señor Fierro, what did he want?

Sampling the nectar.

What did he say? Sea grape juice.

We'll offer him a bigger percentage.

Señor Fierro. Señor Fierro.

[mumbling]

Señor! Señor Fierro.

[Bertrille] Señor Fierro,

I have to talk to you.

That's some powerful sea grape juice.

Señor Fierro, about our sea grape juice.

Yes, how about that sea grape juice.

You sure know how to improve it.

We try harder.

And you succeed.

Why don't you send me 4 cases to start with?

Oh. Oh, thank you. I knew you'd change your mind.

Thank you.

Hi, Carlos.

We hear you're taking a run to arecibo today.

Yeah. A pleasure trip.

Oh, well, do you mind mixing a little of our business with your pleasure?

What business?

A product to which Señor Fierro now has exclusive distribution rights.

You mean he has taken on the sea grape juice?

4 cases of our first batch.

Evidently, he sees something in it you don't.

Well, evidently he's seeing things.

And if you are asking me to deliver these cases--

well, if you don't then the children have to walk

all the way back to the garage where the station wagon is being fixed

with those heavy cases and we won't be able to make delivery

and we'll lose our last chance to pay off our creditors.

Heavy, huh? Very.

Ok. Put them in the car.

Oh, thank you.

Hup 2, kids. Hup 2, hup 2, hup 2.

Buenas dias, Señor Ramirez. Hello, Sergeant.

I'm sorry, but nothing to report to customs this time.

As you say, Señor. But if you would permit a question,

what might be in these cases?

Sea grape juice. See?

[people chattering]

Uh, it says Nectar of San Tanco.

That's another name for sea grape juice.

[sergeant] I'll have to examine it.

Help yourself.

[seagulls cawing]

You are under arrest.

For carrying sea grape juice?

For smuggling sea grape wine.

He's in there, sister.

Thank you.

I came as soon as I heard.

Go away.

Carlos, you have a right to be upset with me.

Upset. I'm furious.

Oh.

It's a good thing for you, and for me,

that I am behind bars at this moment.

I'm sure as soon as the authorities understand--

they understand only that I am a link in a vast

international smuggling conspiracy.

They are holding me until they uncover the rest of the organization.

Whoever they may be.

But this is ridiculous.

I know I can make 'em understand.

Oh, please, sister, please. Go away.

My lawyers will handle everything.

Isn't there anything I can do?

You fixed it so I'm in jail.

My boat is impounded.

My casino is padlocked.

Wouldn't you say you have done enough already?

I just don't know how our juice could have turned into wine.

You tell me.

Sister Ana says it's a miracle,

but I think it must have had something to do with fermentation.

You know what you should do? What?

You should go back to your sea grape farmer,

and tell him that he doesn't have to be a poor laborer anymore.

He can get rich making wine.

Maybe I will, Carlos. Thank you.

Even in misfortune, you are thinking of others.

You know something, you would have made a great nun.

Strange that a nun should come to visit him.

Well, maybe she can get a confession.

We could not.

That wine, was it not labeled Nectar of San Tanco?

Where the sister comes from.

And you did not see the connection?

Sergeant, we are looking for a smuggling ring.

Surely you don't suspect...

I suspect everybody.

But, sister,

if you only had told me you were going to make sea grape juice,

I would have warned you what to expect.

You mean you've made it, too?

Many times.

And it always turned into wine? Oh, at first it did.

At first?

Come, sister, I'll show you.

[birds chirping]

Looks like sea grape juice.

Smells like sea grape juice.

Oh, it doesn't taste like sea grape juice.

We'll return the rented equipment,

and we'll put the rest back in the storeroom.

It seems such a shame.

Sister Bertrille meant well.

Sister Jacqueline, Sister Bertrille always means well.

We just have to learn to live with it.

Come along, sister.

What is the meaning of this?

Oh, reverend mother,

please forgive us, as we beg your pardon most humbly,

but, uh...

Uh... What he is trying to say,

reverend mother, is this is a raid.

[inspector] Very well, you may all turn around.

No false moves.

Sergeant, you keep an eye on them.

This is the base of their operations, all right.

It is a funny looking still.

Inspector, I feel there must be some mistake.

Reverend mother, you must understand

we hold no suspicions of you.

We feel that Ramirez has used you as a front.

But inspector, we're operating a legitimate business.

We even had to get a license.

[sea grape juice bubbling]

Are you in the business of making illegal wine?

Oh, well, no. We started out by making sea grape juice.

[Bertrille] Hi. And then we--

what's going on here? Nothing much.

Instead of mass today, we're having a raid.

Oh, Sister Bertrille, we're so glad you've come.

Please explain about the wine.

Aha, so Sister Bertrille is the brains of this outfit, huh?

Well, I...

Tell me, sister, do you admit making this?

Yes.

Ah, good. Then you admit making the wine.

No.

Here, sister, tell me,

is this not wine?

Well, I...

Um, inspector, I-- I'm not accustomed to drinking alone, won't you join me?

I never touch it during working hours.

However, in the, uh, line of duty...

Is there something wrong with the wine?

It is not wine. It is vinegar.

[inspector coughing]

Another miracle.

Then you cannot possibly detain Señor Ramirez for,

uh, smuggling in vinegar, can you?

No, reverend mother.

We must reexamine the evidence against him.

I think you'll find that's vinegar, too.

Reverend mother, my apologies.

Accepted. Good day, inspector.

I know we will be punished for raiding the convent.

Come on.

Sister, how did you know?

Well, I just found out why no one's ever gone into the sea grape juice

business before. Why?

It always turns to vinegar.

[bubbling]

Señor Ramirez,

you must be certain to thank Señor Fierro

for buying our vinegar.

Oh, I'm sure he was glad to be of help.

Well, that does it.

We have a grand profit of $19.75.

I told you we could be self-sustaining.

Sister, there is the matter of the license.

But we already took out a license.

But that was a license for making sea grape juice.

Now you must have a license for making vinegar.

How much?

$20.

All we have is $19 and 75 cents.

[sighing] I knew it was going to end up costing me something.

[end credits]

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