Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] This is the convent San Tanco in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Until a few weeks ago, we were much like any other teaching order.

That was when Sister Bertrille came to join us.

Things have never been quite the same since.

You see, Sister Bertrille flies.

Oh, not in an airplane. She only weighs 90 pounds

and when the wind is right,

she just...Flies.

Her talents are not limited to aerobatics.

She also has a gift for mechanics,

a blessing as far as our station wagon is concerned.

On the day we had promised to take the children

to the feast of Saint Anthony carnival,

Sister Bertrille found herself, once again,

trying to coax it into action.

Ok, try her again.

[engine sputtering]

What do we do now?

I don't know. I've tightened everything that was too loose,

and loosened everything that was too tight.

Sister, the car, she crank out again, no?

The car, she conk out again, yes.

But don't worry, kids, we'll get it started.

I repeat, sister.

What do we do now?

We get ourselves a new station wagon, that's what we do now.

Sisters, uh, the convent has no money for such an extravagance

as--as a new car.

But, reverend mother, believe me,

this is one extravagance that's a--a necessity.

That old car, she's a real clunker.

Clinker, sister.

This morning, it will not start at all.

We will not be able to take the children to the carnival.

They've been looking forward to this holiday for weeks. How can we disappoint them?

And we don't have to buy a new car.

No, we can take our old station wagon

and trade it in on a good used car, for very little money.

Sisters, we--we have only about

$800 put by.

Well, why not look at the bright side?

I mean, there hasn't been an emergency around here

for as long as anyone can remember.

And even before that.

So why should there ever be?

[Jacqueline] And that, after a fashion, was how Sister Bertrille

negotiated her first deal.

The next was with "money back" Hernando.

The most honest used car dealer in all of San Juan.

Still too much. Ah.

Today is your lucky day.

My creditors have me against the wall.

$900.

$850.

$825.

Señor Hernando, you haven't said anything about my trade-in yet.

Well, that is because I know you are so devotedly attached to it.

I will give you $25.

It's a deal.

[engine backfiring]

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille soon learned

that driving a bargain is one thing,

but driving what you bargained for is something else.

[sighing]

After all that, don't tell me I wound up with a stinker.

We should drink to the fate that made our paths cross.

Or to the travel folders that enticed me

to come to Puerto Rico for my vacation.

We'll drink to them, too. Then we will lunch.

And then... And then?

Then we'll spend the hours blissfully, just the two of us.

Alone.

Carlos, you won't believe it,

but when I was a little girl in Wisconsin, well, I,

I just hated to go on picnics because

something always happened to spoil them.

Nothing can spoil the bliss of this moment, my darling.

[moaning]

Carlos, there's someone here, standing right behind you.

Oh, no. No, it can't be.

Not here. Not now--

Carlos, hi.

I didn't expect to find you here.

That's exactly why we different, Sister Bertrille.

I've come to expect you to find me here and everywhere.

This is Sister Bertrille, convent San Tanco.

How do you do? How lovely she looks.

She looks just like a little angel standing there.

Oh, yes. And she will spread her wings and go away quickly

like a good little angel. Won't you, Sister Bertrille?

Well, no. I--I mean, yes. If you'll just give me a little bit of help.

You see, I bought this station wagon today,

and it broke down on the road just near here.

And you want me to fix it?

Well, I tried, but I can't.

Diane, please forgive me.

You won't be long, will you, Carlos?

Oh, no, he'll be back in a jiffy.

It's probably something that could be fixed

with a little twist of the wrist.

This is the best I can do. Try it.

Ok.

[engine starting]

Oh, it's fine. Thank you, Carlos.

[gears grating]

Only thing is the gear shift is stuck in reverse.

Well, that's the way you'll have to drive it. In reverse.

Well, I can't drive a car backwards.

With a little practice, it shouldn't be difficult.

Now, tell me one thing. Who did you buy this car from?

Well, his name is money-back-Hernando.

And he's the most honest used car dealer in all of San Juan, I know.

Would you take my advice? You go back to money-back,

and get your money back.

That's what I intend to do, just as fast as this crate will get me there.

[car horn honking]

You want me to give you $800

for a car that does not work? Sister,

[clicking tongue] That is not the way to do business.

I'll say it isn't.

I'm glad you agree.

I will give you

$500 for the car.

I gave you $800.

Oh, sister, surely I am entitled to a legitimate profit?

I have to have that money. It belongs to the convent.

And for the sake of the convent,

I am willing to give it to you.

$500. [sighs]

I'll take it. I have to. May I have it, please?

The very minute my assistant returns from the bank.

What does your assistant have to do with it?

He went to make the deposit.

But, sister, I have a better idea.

What?

Why not do this without exchanging any cash at all. Hmm?

I mean, you still need a station wagon, don't you?

Never mind, Señor Hernando. I have to go now, but I'll be back real soon,

so please have my money ready.

Hernando is a man of his word.

But, sister, uh, what are you going to do now?

Señor money-back, even if you saw it, you wouldn't believe it.

Happy?

Mmm-hmm.

But also a little sad.

Why, my darling?

Because we'll probably never see each other again after I go home.

Oh, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth.

[laughing]

No, you won't.

You'll forget me just like you have so many other girls.

Oh, foolish girl.

How can I forget a sublime moment like this?

Hi, I'm back.

Oh, why me? Why me? What have I done?

I'm--I'm sorry to bust in on you two like this again, but I couldn't help it.

Of course you couldn't help it, Sister Bertrille.

It is preordained that we meet in strange,

out of the way places.

Carlos, I need another favor. What now?

Well, I took your advice, and I got rid of that no-good heap that I bought.

Aw, I'm overjoyed.

And now I wondered if I could borrow your station wagon.

My station wagon?

Just for a second. You see, the kids are waiting to be taken to the carnival.

I promise, I'll be back in a jiffy.

Of course you will be back, Sister Bertrille,

it is inevitable.

Please, take the car.

Oh, thank you, Carlos.

You're a real good egg. Thank you. Have fun, you two.

[children chattering]

[Bertrille] Thank you.

Uh, hey, Charlie. Yes, sister?

Are you going into town? That's right.

Great. Will you give me a lift?

Ok. But step on it. I'm in a big hurry.

Ok, I'll be right with you. Now, kids, kids, come here.

I haven't got time to wait for the other sisters,

so I want you to give them a message for me, Ok?

Ok. Ok.

Ok. Now, tell them to drive you into the village

and then bring the station wagon right back, pronto.

And that I'll give them the scoop on everything later, when I get back.

Ok, you've got it? We've got it.

Ok, sister, let's go. Ok. Ok, I'm coming.

Have a good time, and don't forget my message.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

[station wagon horn honking]

Where did this come from?

Sister Bertrille brought it.

Sister Bertrille. Where is she?

She had to go in a hurry, so she left this car for us.

Reverend mother.

Take a look at our new station wagon.

It's a miracle. Oh, for $800.

You could say that again, sister.

Sister Bertrille, she's sharp as a tick.

Tack, sister. Oh, my.

[girl] It's my favorite color.

[boy] And power steering.

All right. Everybody in.

Have a good time, children. [boy #2] Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye.

[pipe bursting]

[Reverend Mother] Oh, sister.

Well, if it had to happen, this was the perfect time for it.

Just when we spend $800 for a new car.

Well, I'm afraid we're going to need that $800 now.

And more. I know.

So back goes the station wagon where it came from.

We don't know where Sister Bertrille is or how long she'll be.

Oh, I'll take care of it, as soon as sister sixto returns.

Oh, wait till Sister Bertrille finds out

we had to get rid of it. She'll flip.

Flip, Sister Jacqueline?

Flip, reverend mother.

Yes, sister.

What can I do for you?

Well, I--I don't know how to say this, uh, Señor Hernando.

[stammering] It's a lovely car.

Oh, yes.

And all the, uh, sisters at the convent,

as well as the mother superior like it very much.

Oh, that's nice.

But, we can't keep it.

You--you can't keep it?

No. You see, we need the $800 much more.

You need the $800 much more.

In fact, desperately, or I wouldn't be here.

So, if you would, um, if--if you wouldn't mind

taking the car and giving me the money.

[stammering] No, I wouldn't mind.

The tires are, uh, worn. And the engine is noisy.

But I would be glad to give you the money.

Oh, Señor Hernando, you-you're a kind and generous man.

Well, I try to be, sister. I--I try to be.

Now step in and see my cashier.

Thank you.

But, Sister Jacqueline can't sell our new station wagon.

And why not?

Well, for one reason, it's not ours.

Sister Bertrille, we did send you to San Juan to buy a car.

Yes, and I bought one.

And I started to drive it back here, and it conked out.

I had to drive it all the way back backwards

to "money back," to get my money back.

Sister Bertrille, I am sure that if you try very hard,

you will find a way to make a long story short.

I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say is,

I didn't buy the car that Sister Jacqueline is selling.

I borrowed it from Carlos Ramirez.

Gosh.

A thing like this could spoil his picnic.

[thunder rumbling]

I knew it.

I knew-- something always happen to me when I go on a picnic.

Oh, come on, it's just a little summer shower, nothing to be upset about.

[shrieking]

I look a mess.

To Carlos, you're more exciting than ever.

Funny. I don't feel very exciting.

I feel like I'm catching a cold.

Carlos, I want to go back to my hotel room, now.

Would you take me back? Please take me.

Ok.

If you wish.

How?

What other way is there?

I'm going to walk you back.

Give me a hand here, please.

[screaming]

But, Señor Hernando, I don't understand.

How can Sister Jacqueline sell you a car in the first place

that she doesn't even own in the second place.

All I know is she came in this place,

I bought the car,

it belongs to me.

How can it?

You don't even have the registration slip.

That is your problem.

What do you want from me?

I want this car.

And I will be glad to see that you get it.

For $1,500.

[sighs]

Señor Hernando, what kind of a man are you?

First, you sell me a car for $800.

And then you buy it back for $500, making $300.

And then you buy a car for $800, and try to sell it for $1,500.

Am I ahead or behind?

Tell you what I'll do, I'll give you $500 now,

and then use the Hernando easy payment plan

with low, low interest rates for the rest of the time.

Not with this car.

I want the rest now.

$1,000.

But where am I going to get $1,000?

$1,000.

Give me one good reason why should I give you $1,000.

One good reason. Just one. I need it?

Is that a good reason?

Well, I could do with a favor.

Sister Bertrille, how many does that make today?

Sister Bertrille, I'm--I'm patient, kind,

and very, very understanding.

But, you know what you've done to me today?

You ruined my date with a beautiful girl.

You made me get soaked in the rain.

You made me walk all the way back to town

in a pair of brand new shoes.

You borrowed my station wagon.

You did bring it back?

Well, that's the whole point. What is?

Why I need $1,000.

You see, Sister Jacqueline didn't know it was your car when she sold it.

Sister Jacqueline didn't know it was mine when she--

[screaming] Sold it?

Please--please, it was all a mix-up,

and I'll explain the whole mixed-up story--

oh, please, don't. No, please, stop. Please, spare me--

that's why, he now wants $1,500 from me to get the car back,

and all I have is $500.

Who does?

No, please don't tell me!

You want to borrow $1,000 from me

to buy back my station wagon which Sister Jacqueline

didn't have the right to sell in the first place,

to the biggest crook in all of San Juan?

I guess that sums it up nicely.

That is too much!

Oh, I thought it would be, Carlos.

I'm really sorry for what happened.

Oh, I can work it out myself.

Oh, no, sister--sister bertrille, please.

Please, stay.

Let me, let me think for a moment.

[sighs]

I think this is all the fault of Hernando. Yeah.

For selling you one of the broken-down used cars.

Yeah, maybe so.

But, right now, I wish I hadn't sold that old jalopy of ours,

[muttering] Even though it was just an old relic.

It was something that went and that was all we needed. What did you say?

What? Well, what did you say?

I don't know. I just said I--I wish we hadn't sold the old relic, and I meant it.

Relic? Yeah.

It was a very old car, wasn't it?

Yes, but it ran,

sometimes.

Downhill. If we pushed it.

Sister Bertrille? What?

I was just reading about an old car like yours.

Here.

"Marmon 1914 phaeton,

"bought by millionaire Winthrop Vanderhaven IV.

Latest addition to his growing number of collector's items."

I think you've given me a great idea.

Now, listen.

I want you to do exactly as I tell you.

And, no questions, please. Why?

No questions, please.

$100?

For this old thing?

Well, you told me it was only worth $25.

Sister, I sincerely hope you did not believe me.

Señor Hernando, I'm learning how you operate.

I'll give you $50, take it or take it.

I'll take it. I thought so.

May I help you in? Yes.

Thank you, sister. Enjoy it.

Drive carefully.

Ah, good afternoon, Señor.

I am Hernando. What can I do for you?

Oh, Mr. Hernando, it's such a pleasure to meet you.

I heard so much about you.

Well, the word does get around.

Oh, it does indeed.

Mr. Hernando, I'm interested in buying a station wagon.

Well, my lot is full of station wagons.

Oh, no, no, no. A very particular one. Very old,

painted purple.

Yes. Yes, I--I know the one Señor is referring to,

but you would never be interested in that. Never.

Oh, but I'm very interested, Mr. Money-back.

Uh, and I'm ready to pay a very good price for it.

What would the Señor call a good price?

$500.

$500.

Well, I can see that I insulted you with my offer, Mr. Money-back.

Let's make it $1,000.

You would pay me $1,000 for that old car?

Yes, let's shake on the deal.

No!

What is the problem, Mr. Hernando?

I think you are driving too hard a bargain. I have my limits.

Well, we are both businessman.

We know the value of what we sell.

Let's make it $1,500.

I have a confession to make, Señor.

I do not have the car.

Oh, no, no. You must be mistaken. I just saw it here

with my own eyes a few seconds ago.

I am telling you the truth. I just sold it to a nun,

from the convent of San Tanco.

Ah, she paid a good price for it, huh?

Oh, the clever one.

She knew all about Winthrop Vanderhaven IV.

Wi--Wi-- who?

[both] Winthrop Vanderhaven IV.

You know about him? No.

He collects old cars.

He pays a fortune for them. Huh?

He's all over the world looking for them.

Even here in Puerto Rico.

Oh, Mr. Hernando,

I'm afraid you've been the victim of a swindle.

I can't stand it. I cannot stand it.

Well, I can't stay here any longer.

[stammering] Where are you going?

To the convent San Tanco.

I'm going to buy the car, no matter how much I have to pay for it.

Oh. Wait--wait--wait for me. Wait for me.

I'll go with you. Wait.

Oh. Ok.

[car tires screeching] Wait for me.

[engine sputtering]

[car door slams]

[tires squealing]

Don't say anything.

I won't if you won't. Hi.

Sister, are you prepared to sell?

Well, I don't-- I'll make an offer that you can't refuse.

I will top any offer he makes.

$250. $500.

$750. $1,000.

$1,500. $2,000.

$2,250. $2,500.

$3,000.

Sold. Congratulations, my friend,

you outbid Carlos Ramirez.

You may pay the nun. Oh, thank you.

[Hernando] Thank you. Gladly, gladly.

I--I can't accept this money.

Well, you said the car was hardly worth anything.

Don't worry about it, sister.

Wi--Wi--

Winthrop Vanderhaven IV. Winthrop Vanderhaven IV.

Will pay plenty for it.

Oh.

Oh. Where is he staying?

Who?

Winthrop Vanderhaven IV. What--what hotel is he in?

How should I know?

But you said he was in Puerto Rico.

Oh, no, my friend, I think you misunderstood me. I said,

he travels all over the world collecting old cars,

even here in Puerto Rico.

That doesn't mean that he's here now.

I think that now he's in Africa, shooting big game.

With a camera, of course.

A-Africa?

When will he be in p-p-Puerto Rico?

I don't know. Oh, maybe never.

My friend, I don't plan his itinerary.

I don't even know the man.

[engine sputtering]

[engine backfiring]

[nuns laughing]

[laughing]

[both laughing]

[end credits]

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