Original subtitles

So, Katie, what qualities do you think you would bring to the role?

My smile and my blueberry muffins.

Great. Anything else?

Yoga.

And that helps how, exactly?

The sausage rolls are hard to reach.

Anything you would change about the bakery to improve it?

Yes, I would give myself a promotion.

Brilliant! Congratulations. Let's talk about a pay rise.

DOORBELL RINGS

I wish you were doing the interview.

Oh, look, on Friday, you go in,

you do what you just did and the promotion's nailed on.

I got you the soya mince and some posh crisps

and the solar lights for the garden like you asked me for.

Feels a bit over the top to me. Oh, Hello.

This is Danny.

Hiya.

This is my mum. Oh, er, can I get you a cup of tea or anything?

Who's Danny? He's the new guy.

What? What happened to the old guy? What happened to Judith?

We sacked her.

You sacked your support worker?

She wasn't right. She was lovely.

Too lovely.

And Danny just walked in off the street

and you took a fancy to him, did you?

No. We did an interview. He was on a list.

Was he, indeed? Katie, you're the sensible one.

Are you happy with this?

No offence, Danny, but this is all a bit of a shock.

I don't offend easily, it's all right.

We met three candidates and Danny was the best.

Really? Where did you advertise, Billy Smart's Circus?

It's funny, that, because I actually do have circus skills.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

He can juggle. Show her.

I don't think your mum's in the mood for juggling right now.

Erm, I do have, er, some of the more ordinary qualifications too

and references, but I tend towards the holistic, you know, Mrs W.

Not really.

She likes you. Yeah, I'll... I'll go talk to her.

She doesn't like you that much.

Right.

You're the mum, aren't you?

Ralph's mum, yes.

Brian. Right.

I've had the disabled living next door for so long,

it's like second nature to me.

Never a couple, mind. But first time for everything.

You can't hold back the tide of progress, can you?

Solar power, Islam, Deliveroo.

I consider myself to be very much

a part of their circle of support, so to speak.

Judith is cognisant of my role.

You might want to be cognisant

that Judith doesn't work for them any more.

They've gone with a more modern approach.

Oh. Right. Not suitable? She seemed perfect.

Chivvied the two of them along. Homely, you know.

Well, homely's very last year, as it turns out.

It's more hand-rolled cigarettes, tattoos and mindfulness now.

Right.

Oh. So he can brew up, then, can he? That's something.

I made it. Danny is right for us.

You might think that.

And the juggling might keep you entertained

when the electric gets cut off

because he didn't remind you to pay the bill.

Danny is like a mate.

You don't need him to be your mate.

Do you not remember him from when you were at school? Because I do.

He's our choice.

Well, you can tell your choice from me that he is very much on trial.

Circle of support, young man. Any time. Day or night.

Do you see? It's just behind the hand.

It's dead simple. What do you think, Katie?

Could you magic up some napkins?

Oh, yes, sorry. Sorry.

How are them starters coming on, Ralph?

Perfect.

Your mate and her boyfriend are going to be made up.

Cool. Emma's been a good friend to me.

She rescued my Danish pastries on my first day.

Say no more. A friend indeed. Have a lovely evening, guys.

I'll leave you to it. And if the conversation dries up...

OK!

Our first dinner party.

It's perfect.

I know.

DOORBELL RINGS

That's early. Put some music on.

MUSIC: 5, 6, 7, 8 by Steps

Welcome.

Gary's dumped me.

Ralph!

Sorry. MUSIC STOPS

Erm, I brought wine.

I started it. I hope you don't mind.

Come in.

Oh!

This is beautiful.

You've gone to so much trouble. I'm sorry.

Do you like magic?

I said, "We've been engaged for eight years.

"Sometimes it feels like we're in the waiting room

"at the station and our train is never going to be announced."

And he said, "Well, maybe our train's been cancelled."

He didn't even want to talk about it?

Not even a bus replacement service.

I've been so stupid.

Yep.

No, he's right. I'm sorry, Ralph,

I just don't feel hungry.

I was really looking forward to this

and you've made everything so lovely and I'm ruining it. I'll go.

You're not ruining anything. You can stay as long as you like.

Really?

Yes. Really.

Thank you.

I just don't think I can face going home

to my Gary in our flat,

now he's not my Gary, and it isn't our flat.

We'd love you to stay, wouldn't we?

Yeah, we would.

EMMA SOBS IN NEXT ROOM

Oh, man. Will she sleep soon?

I don't know.

Why did you ask her to stay?

Because she treats me like a proper mate.

Not some girl she needs to look after.

WEEPING CONTINUES

I'm at a mate's. Yeah.

Who's she calling at this time?

A taxi.

THEY LAUGH QUIETLY

FOOTBALL COMMENTARY ON TV

EMMA SIGHS

# Just the two of us

# We can make it if we try

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Building them castles in the sky

# Just the two of us, you and I

# Just the two of us

# Yeah, just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us... #

She is pushing me out.

Get a grip, Ralph. She's not pushing you out.

Where am I? In the pub.

Where is Emma?

At home with Katie. Look on the bright side.

Emma works at the bakery too,

so you get to double up on free vanilla slices.

I don't need cake. I need peace.

Well, there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear.

Look, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a good thing.

And I'm a great believer in talking through problems.

You, Katie and Emma,

should sit down and talk it through.

No. Me, Katie, Emma and you.

Really? Right. Should I be there?

Is that, is that appropriate?

That'd be great.

Did you just play me?

What? Nothing.

Oh, that's very kind, Ralph, but I'll just have a brew.

No, no. Sit down and eat.

Morning, guys.

Morning. Here's Danny! You're early.

Yeah, me and Ralph thought we'd sort out that bird table

before he goes to work.

You, you must be Emma.

I'm Ralph and Katie's PA. Nice to meet you.

We've already met. Park Court Comprehensive?

I was in the year below you?

Oh. Yeah... Yeah. Of course.

You don't remember me, do you?

No.

Well, you've changed a bit.

Have I? Thank God for that. So have you, I'm sure.

Erm, if, if I'd remembered you,

I'm sure I'd have noticed that you've changed.

Emma's heartbroken. Yeah?

Yeah. But Danny's helping me get over it

with his self-confidence class.

Sorry. I'm back living with me nan if it makes you feel any better.

A bit.

Yeah, it's just, just temporary, you know.

A bit like you living here with Ralph and Katie. Temporary.

Yeah. And I think maybe I've stayed long enough.

No.

Er. I think if Danny here's dropping hints, then it's time,

and I don't want to outstay my welcome.

I'm sure my sister'll have me till I sort myself out.

You can stay here. I mean it. We mean it.

Catch me up.

What was that? What?

I'm not stupid.

I'll, I'll go and get started on that bird table.

No. You stay there, Danny.

It can wait.

Danny's never early.

Ralph talked about how you were finding it,

a bit, you know, crowded. With Emma.

And he thought it would be better coming from me.

Just to drop a couple of hints.

You made a plan?

I'm, I'm sorry.

It's OK.

It was actually Katie I was apologising to.

I'll go and get started on that bird table.

She's a pain in the arse.

Good. That means she's a proper mate. Not a pity mate.

Is it the job?

What?

You asked her to stay because you need her.

For what?

To help you get the job.

Is that what you think?

Every day of my life, people think I can't do things for myself.

Every day, I have to take that shit.

But not from you. Not from my husband!

SHE SNIFFLES

Bird table, is it?

That'd be my guess.

I find wildlife to be a welcome relief

from an increasingly frantic world,

although I don't think Springwatch has ever truly recovered

from the loss of Bill Oddie.

Sorry?

I take it you're the new Judith, so to speak.

Ralph's mother mentioned you might struggle.

Did she?

But just so you know,

Judith and the relevant agencies

very much considered me part of Ralph and Katie's circle of support,

A group of people that share a common goal to contribute

to the collective wellbeing...

I'm not struggling.

Judith used to have a special name for me.

Just the one? Mr Dependable.

You OK?

Will I get the promotion because I'm good?

Of course you will.

Did you tell the boss to give it to me?

What? No.

But I wrote you

a glowing reference. What's this about?

Danny. Twice in one day.

Katie, I'm so sorry about before. It was a daft idea.

And, and I'm sorry to you too, Emma.

I'm still working out where this job begins and ends.

It starts with you not being a dick!

Point taken.

Good. All friends again?

Danny, I'm feeling you're a skinny cappuccino,

go easy on the sprinkles.

Uncanny. Erm, double espresso.

He'll have that to go, Emma.

Then you and me can have a chat

about why Ralph was just on the phone to me, in tears.

So, you made a plan. With Ralph. Behind Katie's back.

Yeah, it sounds,

it sounds so much worse when you say it out loud.

In my head, I have a box marked Ralph.

Sellotaped down. All sorted.

But then Ralph met Katie, so I opened the box

and put her in it.

Then he sprung marriage on us so that went in it, too.

Then the moving out. Got the support in place.

Sellotaped it down again. And relax.

Get on with my life. But now...

..he's just burst out of the box again

and all this with you. I can't rest. Again.

Maybe, maybe you just need a bigger box!

Too soon?

You should just be grateful

Ralph's stepdad isn't here right now.

Right.

He's trekking in Nepal, the Annapurna ranges.

Me neither.

He'd just turned 60 and he needed a new challenge.

He'd run out of people to annoy in Cumbria.

You don't need to know any of this. You just

need to be grateful that he's not here right now,

because believe it or not, I'm the calm and reasonable one.

It was stupid. What I did.

I'll, I'll make it right between them.

Will you be charging for those hours

or is that all part of the after-sales service?

Look, I get it. You don't trust me.

And I think we both know why.

Do we?

It was years ago. I was a kid. And, and I was a coward.

Go on.

You know the, the bullying. Ralph at the school bus stop.

You bullied Ralph?

No... No. But I didn't, I never tried to stop it.

Hang on, I thought you knew.

I thought that's why you didn't trust me. I didn't trust you

because I remembered you getting done for shoplifting

and breaking your nan's heart.

But now you've told me you stood by while Ralph got bullied,

you've really put my mind at rest.

I know I'm not your perfect choice for Ralph and Katie.

I'm not even sure I'd pick myself for the job, to be honest...

I'm asking you to reassure me.

Can you let me know when that bit starts?

I know what it's like to be different round here.

And, and how good it feels when you get

a bit of help from the right person.

And that's you, is it? The right person.

I hope so. Yeah.

Well, I hope so too.

Because there's three support workers in that lake already.

HE CLEARS THROAT

OK, so, simmer for 20 minutes. Check.

Turn down the heat.

Now you put the peas on and then cover it up with foil.

Is this going to work?

Well, taste it if you're worried.

I mean to win Katie back.

You haven't lost Katie. You've just had an argument.

We never argue.

Well, an argument's a good sign.

It means you aren't afraid to fall out.

I am afraid to fall out.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Hiya, ladies!

Emma, would you tell Ralph what you told me?

Oh. We're doing that now, are we? Ralph...

..if Katie gets the promotion tomorrow,

it's because she's the best person for the job.

I know. And they will be lucky to have her.

I know. All I did was encourage her to apply.

Because she's the best baker, the best barista,

and she's got the best smile in the cafe.

I know.

Then why did you say it?

Well, then, that's that sorted.

Now, can you two stop falling out?

The world can't stand it.

I'm sorry.

It's not that easy.

Why not?

Look, I've been in bad relationships

and I know what it feels like if you're with somebody

and they're always trying to trip you up,

always doubting you.

Always telling you that you're lucky to have them

and then wondering why you have no confidence. And you tell them

you fancy them all the time, but they don't ever say it back.

And then it turns out you were in an open relationship all along,

but he just hadn't told you.

Christ, where was I going with this?

Ralph and Katie...

You two - you two aren't like that.

Ralph was just wanting it to be you and him again,

that's all. And, and I get that.

And so do I.

So I'll stay for my tea

and then I'm heading off to my sister's.

No.

I'd like you to stay.

That's very sweet, Ralph,

but I've stayed too long already. I don't want to take advantage.

Happy now?

I'm sorry.

"Dear Katie,

"you're my wife.

"And I'm sorry I was a knob."

Well, it's poetic. No doubt about it! Right, look,

Ralph, at times like these,

she needs to know how much she means to you.

So you go big. You go corny. And you ask yourself,

what would Marcus Rashford do?

What would you do?

QUIET CONVERSATION

The boss loves him. She's smiling.

She's humouring him. And on the subject of smiles,

you might need to remember how to do that.

I'm going to wait outside. It's making me nervous!

How did you do that?!

I don't know.

I believe in you, Katie. I always will.

Come here.

You are my knight in shining armour.

That is my job.

Now, get in there and smash it!

I hear someone got a promotion.

Me!

Congratulations!

Very funny. Have you got one for him next door?

Er no, but don't worry, Louise. You won't miss out.

Oh. Right. Well.

Will you wear it?

No.

To all of us, to Danny for his new job,

to Katie for her new job,

to Ralph for his honesty, and to me,

as I face up to the rest of my life

as a lonely, desperate spinster. Cheers!

And to the two of you. You've both been very kind.

And I must have been pretty awful to have around.

Not at all.

Not at all.

You're a good man, Ralph.

What I'd give for a man like you. Yeah.

I'm taken.

For now! Oh!

The perfect couple.

Not perfect.

Not perfect, maybe,

but at least you know you'll never have your heart broken.

Never again. How do you mean?

My heart was broken once. But not by Ralph.

Was it?

It was a long time ago.

I am not going back there!

LAUGHTER

Probably a City fan, anyway, mate. Cheers!

There you go. That's never coming down.

Right. Thanks.

Absolute pleasure.

I don't need much of an excuse

to enjoy an hour with me Phillips screwdriver.

Run out of things to do in your own garden, then?

It was never an issue with all the others.

Well, these two aren't "All the others". OK?

Point taken.

Brian?

Here. You might want to wear that next time.

Right.

Thanks. I will.

You really are staying at your sister's, aren't you?

You're not sleeping on a bench?

I'm on the bottom bunk with my sister's kid on the top,

but it's a bed. With a safety rail.

And an octopus night light. What more does a single girl need?

How come Gary wasn't the one to move out?

He never offered. And, and I didn't ask.

And that right there is why you got shot of him.

I do remember you from school, you know.

And I remember Gary. He was an arsehole.

Fancied himself.

Like Draco Malfoy without the charm.

It will get better.

Hey, and what about Katie? Bit of a dark horse.

How many fellers do you reckon she's had before Ralph?

She said she'd had her heart broken.

That hardly makes her a scarlet woman.

I'm not so sure Ralph saw it that way.

They'll be OK.

If I could back any couple to put the past behind them

and live life in the moment, it's those two.

Night-night.

QUIETLY: Night.