Original subtitles

[lively music]

Hey, Sherm. You see that girl back there?

The girl at the jukebox?

- Oh, yeah, she's cute. - All right.

So I'm coming back from the bathroom.

I hear her going on and on and on about boxing.

I figure you go over there, talk to her about boxing,

you probably have a shot.

Ooh, that's what I'm talking 'bout, Nicky.

Thanks for looking out.

Now y'all prepare to watch a master...

at work.

[laughter]

Get it. Get it.

I made all of that up. This is a prank.

She wasn't talking about boxing.

- Amazing. - Oh.

This is gonna be a disaster, and I love it.

Oh, it's starting.

Oh, there he goes.

This is even better than I thought it would be.

He's actually pretending to box.

I don't understand.

Did he tell her that he's a boxer?

- Wow, wow, wow, wow. - What is he doing?

Good little combo.

- Oh, he got hit. - He took a shot?

- Kind of a stick and move. - Okay.

He's doing "The Matrix" now.

- Oh, she don't like it? - Oh, she stopped him.

- She's telling him something. - She told him to leave.

She's saying, "I don't like violence."

Oh, no.

Oh, we got him good.

That could not have gone better.

We're headed back to her place.

- Thank you, Nicky. - Yeah.

- I-- - I just--

♪ Whoop, whoop ♪

♪ Cabernet and sauvignon ♪

♪ Team is here and now it's on ♪

♪ Carry on and Carignan, sippin' on Perignon ♪

♪ Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪

♪ Pull up in the spot like hello ♪

♪ If you got me, then I got you ♪

♪ This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew ♪

Hey, you know what I just realized?

Everyone here is in a relationship.

Excuse you. I ain't in no relationship.

But you do say you're married to the game.

That's true.

I am in a long-term relationship

with these streets.

Well, Kristen and I are hosting

a little potluck next week.

Plus-ones are welcome, and if you guys are in,

just text me what you're bringing.

Oh, I don't think Michael is gonna

make it to the potluck.

He's in San Diego for Uncle Phil Con.

Uncle Phil Con? Is that where--

People who look like Uncle Phil

all hang out together in a conference room?

Yeah, uh-huh.

He's always trying to get me to go,

and I don't know why.

So how are things going with my brother, Nicky?

It's great.

I only have to pay for half the things,

like hotels, meals,

a box full of old "Jet" magazines

we stumbled upon at a yard sale.

Ooh, nice, eight-year-old Sherm

used to live for page 42.

[chuckles] Naughty.

That's facts.

Must be nice,

dating someone who is not married.

Oh, no, are things not working out

between you and your girlfriend's husband?

Okay, let me just say that I respect

Courtney and Simone being best friends.

He did us a huge favor by agreeing to marry her.

So obviously, you know, I'm very, very appreciative--

CliffsNotes, my guy. What happened?

Okay, I don't like him, he's mean, and he sucks.

This is such great weather for a walk.

Yeah, the sun is really shining.

Yeah. That's what the sun does.

- And then I was like, "Jenga!" - Oh, my God.

- [both laugh] - That's the end of the story?

That's cool.

[forced laughter]

I'm just, ugh, so tired

of him being involved in our relationship.

And now, with this immigration stuff,

I have to deal with him for months.

Ooh, Kristen and I are friends

with this great immigration lawyer.

They can expedite the whole process,

get it done in a couple weeks.

- Yes, please, thank you. - Good.

Don't let your girlfriend's husband block your blessings.

Mm-hmm.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

- Aye. - Aye.

- Brush it. - Brush it.

Now freeze.

♪ Who's brushing tonight? ♪

both: ♪ Who's brushing tonight? ♪

Now spit.

[phone buzzes]

That dresser drawer I cleared out for you

is really coming in handy, I see.

It is.

I can't believe you gave me the top one.

Oh, welcome to the good life, baby.

It's almost like we're moving in together.

Yep, true.

Uh-oh, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

No, you didn't make me uncomfortable.

[laughs] Babe, come on.

You have the worst poker face ever.

You've been like this as long as I've known you.

Like you know me.

Okay, so what do you think

about my friend Tonya?

- She's cool. - Anthony.

I just don't think she's as young as she says she is.

Why does she drink so much Ovaltine?

♪ ♪

Thank you all for meeting me here today.

I wanted to gather my richest friends,

and Wyatt, to see if they'd be interested

in getting in one the ground floor of my newest venture.

I need 90% equity and complete creative control.

I'm not interested unless I get naming rights.

- I'm sorry, I'm out. - I ain't even pitched it yet.

Damn!

I've been dabbling in a little winemaking,

and I finally finished my first batch.

So I'd like to present to you Jones & Sons Peach Wine,

established 1776.

I thought that the driving business was your thing.

Oh, I'm still doing that,

but a mogul understands diversification.

I don't know.

The wine and spirits market is really crowded.

Even T.D. Jakes has a wine now.

Can you just try it, please? Please, please, please?

- both: Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yes. - All right.

- For you, Nicky. - Thank you.

- Wyatt. - Oh.

Kristen.

- All right, all right. - Hmm...

[pensive music]

Wow.

This is amazing.

It really is.

Sherm, when you came out today,

I was expecting the worst,

but you've impressed me.

- Same. - Us too.

[chuckles] Great!

Let's start the bidding at $10 million.

- ¿Escúchame? - Boy, what's wrong with you?

I don't know how much money y'all got.

I was taking a shot.

♪ ♪

So this is Wyatt's guy?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

He would've been way too expensive.

But this guy seems legit.

- Saw him on a bus bench. - Hmm.

Dang, did we have to do this so early?

- It's 3:00 p.m. - Oh, for real?

That's late. Why didn't we do this earlier?

Well, this was the only appointment

we could get at such short notice.

[toilet flushing] [door clicks]

Greetings.

I'm Carl Kurm of Kurm & Associates.

Little bit about me:

I used to live in New York, and I worked as a DA.

Then a couple of months ago,

I looked in the mirror, and I said to myself,

I need to switch some things up before I turn 30.

You're under 30?

Yeah, I'm 27.

Right, so me and my husband were hoping

to get me citizenship sooner rather than later.

Mm.

How do you fit into this situation?

Oh, I'm her best friend.

That checks out.

Anyway, I have a buddy who works for immigration.

- Let me make a phone call. - Okay.

Really? Wow, okay.

Well, thanks a lot, buddy.

All right, bye.

That did not go well.

Turns out, he and I are not friends

and you guys have been added to the USCIS watchlist.

- That's my bad. - Wait, what does that mean?

That means that ICE may show up at your home at any moment

to check that your marriage is legitimate.

And what happens if we're not living together

when ICE shows up?

Well, I believe the legal term is

"instant deportation."

Cool, so you two will be living together.

That's excellent.

You're a very supportive friend.

Well, the lawyer plan backfired.

Simone and Courtney are on a watchlist now,

so they have to move in together indefinitely.

That doesn't sound like something

my lawyer friend would do.

Yeah, your lawyer friend was too expensive.

I went with a bus ad attorney.

Everyone knows you can't trust a bus ad.

Unless it's real estate, right?

My ads. They look good, right?

Right?

[bleep] all y'all!

So, uh, check this.

Talia and I were hanging out the other night,

and she sort of kind of mentioned

the idea of us moving in together.

- That's exciting. - Yeah, it's dope.

- Oh. - Mm-mm.

- Oh, wow. - What?

I said it's... dope.

Oh, honey, we heard what you said.

We just know you're lying.

You have no poker face.

Wait, so everybody knows this about me?

You've been like this since forever.

Like the time Sherm came to visit

and I introduced you guys at UCLA.

Hey, man, it was real nice to meet you, bro.

Uh, yeah. Cool.

It was nice to meet you too.

What the hell? You didn't like me?

I liked you. I always liked you.

- You're doing it right now. - Damn.

My stupid face always snitching on me.

Wait, how did you leave that discussion with Talia?

Kind of open-ended?

I know, I know. I should bring it up again.

But, you know, I'm just not sure how I feel about it.

You should count your blessings!

Count every single one, you damn fool!

- Whoa. - Sorry.

I just wish I had what you had.

My girlfriend's moving in with her fake husband, who I hate.

♪ ♪

Yo, Amir, would you ever be interested

in serving a new wine here at the bar?

Sure, man. What you got?

Ooh, Jones & Sons.

Very nice. I like this.

Wait. Did you make this at home?

Oh, yes, sir. Crafted from the finest grapes.

Found in the produce aisle at my local Food 4 Less.

Well, that's exciting, but I can't sell this wine.

- Why not? - Licensing.

Regulation issues.

Not to mention, the serious risk of botulism.

Botulism? Botch, please.

[chuckles] What is botulism?

Botulism is an awful bacterial disease.

It can cause symptoms like difficulty breathing,

paralysis, oftentimes death.

- I've seen it tear people up. - Whew.

It's actually not a problem at all if you cleaned the jugs.

[chuckles] Oh, I cleaned the jugs.

Oh, no. I did not clean the jugs.

Hey, for educational purposes, 'cause I love knowledge,

uh, if someone were to not clean the jugs

and then serve this to a group of friends,

how long would it be until I knew they were safe?

Well, symptoms can appear anytime up to ten days.

Oh, okay, well, it's a good thing

we ain't got to worry about that, right?

Oh, no. I am so worried.

I might have poisoned my friends!

♪ ♪

All right. Well, this is my place.

Simone, make yourself at home.

Noah, thank you for grabbing

the smallest bag you could find.

It had heavy stuff in it.

Mm, the stuff was heavy for you.

- I'm taller than you are. - Bro, that's mostly hair.

- You're, like, 5'7". - Oh, I'm tall-tall.

I'll shave my head off right now, boy.

Okay, that's enough.

You guys obviously don't like each other.

That's not true.

I have no issue with Courtney, except for the fact

that he's the coldest person I've ever met.

Why are you in my home? I don't even know you, man.

See?

Okay, well, we're finally communicating.

And you both want me to stay in the country, don't you?

- both: Yeah. - See?

That's already one thing you have in common.

And there's bound to be more.

So I'm thinking

you should spend some one-on-one time together.

That can't be the best solution.

I hate to agree with this man,

but that's a bad idea.

Come on. Just one hang.

For me?

- [sighs] - Okay, one hang.

How long does the hang have to be?

- Courtney. - I can do a short hang.

♪ ♪

Hey, what's up, Wyatt? You good?

Sherm, this is the fifth time you've called.

- What's up? - Yeah, I know.

I feel like we should all check in more.

- We all we got. - Oh, I love that.

So you good then? No shortness of breath?

Blurry vision? How them bowels moving?

No, I'm feeling good.

Just getting ready for this potluck tomorrow.

And what are you bringing?

You gotta let me know.

I don't know. How's Kristen doing?

Oh, man. She has been really sick.

Oh, no!

Yeah, just sick and tired

of this movie deal that she's trying to close.

It's been really tough on her and her team.

Why did you phrase it like that?

I gotta go. Bye.

- Hello? - Hey, Nicky, you good?

[coughing]

- Oh, no! - Whew!

Sorry. I swallowed a bug.

Damn! What is with all the misleads?

Listen, I'm glad that you called

because I really wanted to talk to you more about your wine.

Talk about what? What have you heard?

It's great.

And I want to support by getting in on the ground floor,

so...

I gotta go. My phone's dying--

akakakak!

♪ ♪

The Lambrusco here is pretty good.

I don't really drink wine. They got Henny?

Nope. It's a wine bar.

All right, look, I'm glad I could help you and Simone.

But we don't have to force this connection.

Okay. Yeah, I definitely hear you.

So why don't we just get a drink,

so we can at least tell Simone that we tried?

Yes, yes, let's do that.

- Amir. - Yeah.

- Two Lambruscos, please. - Coming right up.

♪ ♪

Here you go, fellas.

- Cheers. - Thanks.

[sighs]

Cheers.

♪ ♪

All right, I didn't know red wine could have bubbles.

It's not bad.

Cheers.

[Saweetie's "Best Friend"]

- Another Lambrusco? - Yeah, another Lambrusco.

I mean, if I could have one superpower,

it would obviously be...

both: Flight. Yo.

Another Lambrusco!

The crazy thing about space...

both: Is that it never ends.

Yo! Another Lambrusco!

Busta Rhymes. John Coltrane.

Pizza! Another Lambrusco!

- Soup or salad. - Soup!

Yeah, give me that juice, baby!

both: Eeee!

* I hit her phone with the tea ♪

♪ Like, [...], guess what, all the rich-ass boys ♪

- I love this guy! - Hey, this guy loves you!

- Hey! - [giggling]

- Simone! - Simone!

Hey, looks like you two had a good time out.

[inhales sharply] This man right here--

I'm talking about this man right here--

is the truth!

Look, you got a great girl.

You got your own job at a family-owned business.

Man, I'm trying to get like you.

Nah, bruh. You got a dope crib.

You're an SVP at an ad agency.

And you've kept my girl in the country.

Nah, I'm trying to get like you, my guy.

Mm-mm. No, no, no.

I am trying to get like you.

No, no, no, I am trying to get like you, my dude.

[inhales sharply]

both: I'm trying to get like you!

[whispering] I'm trying to get like you.

That's it. That's it.

Aw, yay.

I knew you two would be friends sooner rather than later.

Simone, you were totally right.

Oh, we should invite Courtney to Wyatt's potluck.

Courtney, you gotta come over tonight to Wyatt's potluck.

- I'm down. - [chuckles]

I'm, like, on the ocean floor.

You know what I love about the ocean?

- The waves. - The waves, yeah.

♪ ♪

[phone buzzing]

So...

I wanted to talk to you about moving in.

- Oh, Anthony, you don't have-- - No, no, no, no.

I was a little thrown off before,

but we've got a good thing going.

And I know you didn't mean you wanted to do it right now.

But I can definitely see us

moving in together in the future.

Thank you for saying that.

I was a little in my head about it 'cause you know, it's--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. - Okay.

♪ ♪

Ooh, this may be my best jerk chicken yet!

Okurrrrr?

Okurrrrr!

Honey, no.

We talked about that. Don't do that.

Hey, y'all. I brought fried chicken.

More chicken.

See, this is why I asked y'all

to text me what you're bringing.

Calm down, Wyatt.

- It's not that much chicken. - Yo, yo, yo.

- I brought chicken. - Great.

What y'all drinking?

Just some Jones & Sons Peach Wine.

- Everyone loves it. - Oh, wonderful.

Everybody's drinking my wine, huh?

This is a disaster! Everyone's drinking my wine!

Yeah, it was my idea.

I brought it over earlier to surprise you.

Oh, and what a lovely surprise.

Hey. How did you get in my place?

- Oh, Anthony let me in. - Nice.

- He just let you in. - Yes.

Damn you, Anthony!

Are you okay, Sherm?

- You're sweating. - Oh, I'm fine.

Oh, no. I'm sweating.

Is it the nerves, or is it the botulism?

Nicky was staring at me. Does she know my secret?

Maybe she's not looking anymore.

Oh, no, she's still looking! The jig is up!

Sherm, are you sure you're okay?

Yes, yes, I'm fine.

Can I holla at you over here real quick?

- Yeah, sure. - Thank you.

Ooh, you're sweating hard.

Hey. Well, here's the deal.

That wine I made may be poisoned with botulism.

Wait, wait. You poisoned me?

Maybe poisoned you. Maybe.

How could you not say anything?

'Cause of reactions like this!

You could have poisoned everybody here!

You maybe poisoned all these people here.

You brought that wine here without telling me.

Oh, I was just trying to be a fun friend.

Well, you were wrong,

and now we're both stuck in this hell together.

There's a chance everything's still okay.

Mm, so we can't say anything now.

And we won't say anything now.

- Okay, mm. - [clears throat]

♪ ♪

What's up, y'all?

We brought y'all some chicken fingers.

Fantastic.

[chuckles]

Hey, hey.

Brought y'all some vegan chicken.

Even our vegan option is chicken.

And you know why?

Because nobody texted me what they're bringing.

Noah.

- Boy, I am lit. - Nice.

I'm starting to sober up, but I love that for you.

Hey, hey. I got to apologize to you.

I was definitely being a jerk earlier,

but the reason is I...

- Nah, I got to chill. - Nah, man.

We're like family now. What's up?

Okay.

I was a jerk to you earlier,

but the reason is...

♪ I'm in love with Simone ♪

Oh, yeah, I definitely wish you didn't say that.

Ooh, so what are you two bonding over now?

I was just telling Noah...

that I'm in love with you.

And he said it again.

Stop the potluck!

I...

am in love with this woman!

[all gasp]

Simone, you are the love of my life.

And it's always been you.

- So what do you say? - Hey, man.

I think you may be a little intoxicated right now.

Yeah, and I've never seen you that way, Courtney.

So what are you gonna do, just pick this old

broccoli head-ass boy over me?

Hey.

I think you should leave, Courtney.

How could you not see that I've always loved you?

I mean, I married you, and it wasn't

to help this old string bean head-ass boy over here.

- Yikes. - Simone.

Come on. He's not worthy of you.

Yeah, he's tall, but he is goofy.

- Mm-hmm. - Look at this bok choy body.

Bok choy--hey, man, stop comparing me to vegetables.

I wish somebody brought some vegetables.

Look, I'm not about to just stand here

and let you continue to disrespect me

with your Potato Head-looking ass.

No, not a good got, man. I taught you better than that.

- So what you wanna do, then? - What you wanna do, then?

I asked first.

You tell me what you're gonna do,

and then I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

No, I'ma tell you what you're gonna do.

You're gonna just leave, just go, just leave.

All right, I'll leave. Come on, Sim-Sim.

We don't need this mess. Let's go.

No, I'm not leaving with you.

I'm staying with Noah.

All right.

But I want a divorce.

Good luck staying in the country.

That's messed up.

- Mm-mm, go that way. - Nuh-uh, uh-uh.

There you go.

[somber music]

Wow, I did not know he felt like that.

- [sighs] - And I'm so embarrassed.

I'm sorry, Noah.

Don't be.

That's on Courtney, not you.

You don't think I look like all those vegetables, right?

- No, no, not at all. - Okay.

Just wanted to nip that in the bud.

- Yeah. - [clears throat]

I really love being with you, Noah.

I really love being with you too.

I guess when your girlfriend

has a husband that's actually in love with her,

there's bound to be some issues.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Yeah.

So...

what are we gonna do?

♪ ♪

Hey, everybody.

We know the evening took an unexpected turn.

But we're really happy all of you are here tonight.

There's too much chicken, though.

- Wyatt. - Sorry.

Thank you all for coming.

Ooh, my stomach hurts.

Oh, no, no, no! It's happening!

It's the botulism!

Stop drinking! It's the botulism!

Stop drinking!

[both screaming]

Nicky, Sherm, stop!

Seth didn't have any wine.

- both: Oh. - Yeah.

I just had too much chicken.

Of course, 'cause that's all there was!

And you thought you got us sick,

and neither of you said anything?

We didn't want to cause any unnecessary panic.

And then it turns out everything is fine.

Yeah, just monitor yourself for symptoms

for, like, four days just to be safe.

- But everything's okay. - It's fine, it's fine.

Hey. What you up to?

Oh, I'm just catching Fay up

on everything that went down tonight.

Yo, that dude, Courtney, was on one.

[chuckles]

He was.

Um...

is something going on with you and Fay?

What? No.

Anthony.

Okay.

Honestly...

I think maybe Fay likes me,

or at least she did at some point.

But does that matter?

What if one of my close guy friends liked me,

and we talked all the time?

You'd be cool with that?

I don't understand why we're doing hypotheticals.

Okay, so no hypotheticals.

Do you have feelings for Fay?

[sighs]

I kind of did,

but that was before you and I.

And honestly, I had no idea she liked me

until after we were together.

Oh, so if you had just known earlier?

I didn't mean it like that.

I just meant that...

Fay is a good friend, nothing more.

[sighs] I'm sorry, Anthony.

This is just all too messy for me.

Wait, Talia.

[Lady Wray's "Games People Play"]

♪ ♪

♪ Should've known... ♪

Thanks for taking care of Must Love.

I'll make arrangements to get him to Montreal soon.

Sounds good.

♪ ♪

Goodbye, Simone.

♪ ♪

Bye, Noah.

- * Something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ Surely, it's got a hold ♪

♪ This the silly things you do when you're young ♪

♪ This the crazy things you do just for fun ♪

♪ Never meant to last, just games people play ♪

♪ If it's meant to last... ♪

[Must Love whines]

I know.

[Must Love whines]

Yeah, I know.

[Must Love whines]

Same here, dude.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

Not a doctor, shh.

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