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Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking.

Hope you are well rested. In about five minutes, we will be beginning

our descent into New Delhi International airport on to runway.

The temperature on ground is a cool 15 degree celsius. There's a slight haze.

And a bit of turbulence.

So please keep your seat-belts fastened.

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Vladimir, right?

Hi, when did you get here? Sit down.

Please, act like you don't know me.

I don't know you.

Don't look at me.

Oh.

So, how was your flight?

Don't talk to me.

Just do as you were told.

God! Fucking mental, some people.

What did he think of himself? Idiot.

Customs 02.

"When there's abundant love in this world"

"Wonder why the heart still yearns?"

"When there's abundant love in this world"

"Wonder why the heart still yearns?"

"When there's abundant love in this world"

"Wonder why the heart still yearns?"

"How do I explain my heart?"

"How do I placate my heart?"

"How do I explain my heart?"

"How do I placate my heart?"

"My heart is stubborn"

"It is out of my control"

Open the door!

I got it last time.

Arup! Open the fucking door.

He's lying. I got it last time.

Bastard, one more time and I'll cut your balls off and make you earrings.

Alright fucker, you're dead.

You deaf?

When did you get back?

Just now.

Oh my gosh.

Tashi, you're scratching me.

Please go shave.

Can't.

There's no water.

What do you mean, there's no water?

You get two hours of water every morning.

Baby, we forgot to put the buckets out.

What do you mean, "Forgot to put the buckets out?"

Him.

-What? -It was his turn.

Yeah, but you could hear the water running, right?

All you had to do was get out of bed and put the buckets out.

It would have taken you all of 30 seconds.

Yeah. But it was his turn.

Oh my God! I can't believe you guys live like this.

What are you getting so worked up for? We'll do it tomorrow.

Because you're meeting my parents for lunch.

I want you to shave and look presentable.

I'm meeting your parents?

Wear this.

I've told you not to buy me such expensive stuff.

Just wear it, Tashi. People judge you by the way you look.

Yeah, I don't hang out with any of those people.

Listen, I'm not joking, okay Tashi? You have no idea, how pissed I am.

I'm going home now. Don't be late.

Oh, man!

Baby, can you drop this for me, please?

-This afternoon. It's urgent. -I have an assignment, can't--

Here's the address.

The girl really loves you.

Lucky bastard.

Okay 3,2,1 go

So, where is she?

I'm looking.

Why? You don't know what she looks like?

Shut up.

Do you have her number?

No.

Man, you're the cow on the information superhighway.

Me? You're the one still shooting film, you pussy.

Digital is for fucking tourists.

You're ringing, so you must be Tashi.

Hi, I'm Menaka.

Hey. Hi, Tashi.

A couple more hours and we would've found you.

-This is Nitin, my photographer. -Hi.

Menaka's a special correspondent, just started with us today.

Hi, Special Correspondent. Welcome.

Alright, shall we?

Because, I want to do everything I can, you know. No limits.

How would you define everything?

Singing. Acting.

I think, directing. No wait.

Definitely directing.

I paint.

I'm working on my first collection of poems.

And I want to have my very own clothes-line one day.

Clothing line.

What?

Never mind.

So, what do you enjoy most, out of everything that you do?

Everything.

Of course. Just everything.

That's why she does it all.

Just...

Lovely.

Could you sing us one of your songs?

Oh... I don't know.

Come on, we've only got a couple of minutes, come on.

-Okay. -Brilliant.

Okay, it's called

'I hate you, like I love you'

Like I love you in brackets.

So, it's like, I hate you, brackets, like I love you.

I hate you, like I love you, in brackets. That's brilliant.

"I hate you"

"Like I love you"

"I hate you"

"Like I love you"

And then, the drums come in.

That's it.

-Are those your lyrics? -Yeah.

We shouldn't have asked you to sing.

-I can't get it out of my head now. -So true.

Hey, do you want me to sign something for you?

Because, I don't mind.

Really? That's...

You know how some celebrities get all high and mighty?

I just don't get it.

Oh...

Waste of my time.

Hey, that's priceless.

From this moment on, any time you're depressed

I want you to take a look at this and say

"I hate you, like I love you, in brackets."

It's a magic photo.

You can have it. Tuneless and brainless.

Hey man, being hot is like a full time job.

Dude, there's real news to be covered, and this is the crap I get?

Listen, she was news to me, Okay?

And honestly, I'd be happy to cover her anytime.

With what, your paunch?

For starters.

You met my friend, Nitin, the serial rapist?

Hello, serial rapist.

-Did you get something? -Yeah, some for you, some for me.

Alright, I'll be back after lunch.

Menaka, nice to meet you.

Where did I leave that package?

-Hey! -Oh.

-That's mine! -Sorry.

Hello, Arup?

-Arup? -Can you hear me?

What, fucker?

Oh, no, no. I was on the phone.

-Arup? -Hold on bastard.

Okay Arup, this is nice.

Very nice.

Thanks.

But do you think you can make him a little happier?

Happier? Who, the banana?

Yes, you know like he's having fun.

All his life he's wanted to be in a banana-split

and this is like a dream come true.

Dream come true, for the banana?

You know happy, something like...

Could you just do it once more?

If that's alright.

-You got it? -First thing tomorrow, I'll--

No, no, no. Now, the client is waiting.

-Right now? -Drop everything else. Do it now.

Hello, Arup?

Arup, are you there?

-What? -Hey, I need a favor.

Can you drop that package off for me?

No, I can't.

Didn't you hear that?

I'm stuck in fucking banana hell.

-And she wanted to touch a killer whale. -Come on they are

-like dolphins. -Mom?

Papa? What are you doing here?

-Surprise! -Surprise!

Surprise!

Come, come.

Even my Uncle's daughter got married on the 29th of November.

And they're so happy Mrs. Lhatoo!

Sorry, 29th November?

That's just a month away.

You don't have to worry.

Your mother and I will do all the running around.

Isn't that true, Mrs. Lhatoo?

That's what mothers do, son.

It's one.

Where's that driver, Mom?

Wasn't he supposed to be here at one?

I have to go the tailor's after this.

Relax, he'll be here.

Tashi, did you drop that stuff?

Hello? Yeah, Menaka.

Yeah?

Yeah, I know where it is.

Yeah, I'll tell Nitin. Okay, bye.

Uncle, Aunty, I'm really sorry. I've have to go, something's come up at work.

No more Uncle-Aunty.

Son, you're family now.

From now on, mummy-daddy.

What do you say, Mr. Lhatoo?

That's how it is.

Tashi, come with me son.

I should really get going, daddy.

-This will take -Tashi, come.

hardly one minute. Come on.

Do you like it?

Good. Take it. It's for you.

Oh! I can't, daddy.

Forget it. We're not even discussing it.

Son, we've even bought a flat for you.

Just five minutes away.

In the morning, we'll walk over to your place for breakfast

and in the evening you'll both come over for dinner.

It'll be wonderful. I just can't wait.

Delicate.

You can work wonders with the right model.

I'm guessing this is some for you

and some for me.

Son, say, "Cheese".

Man, is nothing sacred?

He doesn't mind. I asked him.

So that pretty young thing was a waste of your time

and this is worthwhile?

I don't know what that says about you.

-That he's a serious journalist. -Yeah.

Or a necrophiliac.

Yeah, a gay necrophiliac.

Fucking idiots.

Yours.

-Mine. -You're not coming in?

No. Work to do.

Listen, I got to file this.

Can you drop this off for me?

-No. -Thanks.

Here's the address.

Go.

What are you doing this evening?

Oh, you know.

Work.

All work, no play.

Tashi... dull boy.

Give me one.

"My capricious eyes convey"

"Come by my lane someday"

Make it spicy!

"When the youth is at its peak"

"It will be a sight worth watching"

Let me go.

You want some of this?

"Cruel, beloved, Come a little closer"

"I'm a firecracker, Fire up the matchstick"

200? The rate's gone up.

No, my darling.

"I have saved myself from prying eyes"

"Cruel, beloved..."

"Come a little closer"

"I am blooming bud"

"Let me blossom completely"

"My soft arms"

"Feel just like cream"

"There's a sensation In my entire body"

"When you wring my wrist"

"When you--"

-Hi. -Oh fuck!

What are you doing, lying in the dark like that?

I'm sick, man.

I feel... poisoned.

Did you see a doctor?

Yeah.

So here's what you need to do.

Just take my scooter.

-Why? -Just take it.

Fucker!

Why am I taking your scooter?

Tashi asked me to drop off this package.

That fucking thing is still floating around?

Listen if I wasn't sick, I'd do it.

Sure.

Listen, since you're going out in any case

can you do me a favor?

What?

Bastards!

Bastards!

This world is full of uncivilized people.

Don't pay them any attention.

Again? From the top?

So, the doctor has to check for food poisoning.

Good.

Do you mind? I have to send him a stool sample?

Fuck off.

Patient's name?

Nitin Berry.

Mr. Bhatia?

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Sir...

this is shit.

Thank you.

Sisterfucker.

New car?

Yes.

Very nice! Beauty, great color.

Thank you, Mr. Jain.

Mr. Tashi, I just wanted to remind you that the rent is due next week.

I know, Mr. Jain.

Good. Good. Very good.

It is just that it was late last month.

And the month before that also, that's why.

You said you'll speak to Mr. Maharaj about the dancing.

Every night Bharatanatyam on our heads.

Kathak.

See, I spoke to him...

and he said that he will try and take his class early.

That was last week.

Really?

-Hi. -Hey.

What's wrong with you?

Bastard, I'm dying.

Okay. And you?

Meeting Ritu for a movie.

'Return of Disco Fighter'

Where are my pants?

Okay, just hang on a second.

Something I want to talk to you about.

-Two things. -I don't know about that Ritu.

That girl, she doesn't give me a good feeling.

Yeah, she's my girlfriend

and she is only supposed to give me a good feeling.

You're my witness. I warned him.

Listen, rent's due next week.

I'd like to pay it on time this month.

Sure.

Nitin?

Yeah, I'm not paying rent anymore.

Moron!

You're moving out?

No.

You're not moving out and you're not going to pay rent.

How the fuck are you going to manage that?

Check this out.

What the hell is this?

It's a naked man lying on top of a naked woman.

It's called fucking.

This is Manish, our landlord.

Yeah, the fucking wife-cheater.

And that's Leena.

She's a whore.

No.

I thought she was sucking his dick because she's

really outgoing. But, a whore you say, my God.

Listen, if I wasn't sick, I'd fucking give you one.

How'd you get these?

No, that's the wrong question.

The right question is, are we going to pay rent anymore?

And the answer is?

No. No more rent. No more fucking rent.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about a small business transaction with our landlord.

He gives us some money and these pictures don't get to his wife.

You're going to blackmail him?

It's not blackmail. It's a sign, from God.

Oh, you're going to blackmail him.

We're living with a criminal. It's Nitin Sobhraj.

Listen, I'm just the higher moral authority in Manish's life.

You're the higher moral authority in his life?

Yes, yes, and I'm asking him to mend his evil ways.

I'm not a benevolent God.

You know what, don't tell me anymore, alright?

Because, when the cops come to get you

I don't want to be dragged in as an accessory.

Oh! An accessory? Listen to him using big words.

An earring is an accessory, you pussy.

Listen I've been in this business for two years, nobody gets--

I'm sorry, you've been in this business for two years?

Listen, I do all the work.

You fuckers get to save rent money. Everybody wins.

And two?

Two? I'm getting married.

Yeah, we know that.

No, getting married next month.

Really, I thought this wasn't happening till like, next year.

Yeah, but then I thought, what difference? Sooner the better.

Right up till the moment they chop his head off

the goat thinks he's going for a walk in the park.

Bastard, you're just too negative. I hate this attitude.

Listen, this is great news. Come here, give me a hug.

Great news, man!

Fucker, I was looking for these.

Your ass is like a solar eclipse, man.

Listen, she's too hot, I was going to marry her myself. But...

you can have her.

She's too sexy, you lucky bastard!

He's moving out.

You're moving out?

Then why the fuck were you going on about the rent?

Disco Fighter.

"Disco! Disco!"

"Disco Fighter!"

"Disco! Disco!"

"Disco Fighter!"

"Disco Fighter!"

Tashi, you really should shave, baby.

Hello? Menaka? Yes.

Tashi? Tashi, get back in there!

I know where it is.

Okay, should I bring Nitin?

I can't believe you!

-Okay, bye. -Oh, my God, this guy.

Fucking buffoon.

Baby, I've got to go.

Look, it's work. I swear I'll make it up to you, Okay?

Just go, Tashi, just go.

Thank you.

Do you see her, right behind me? Don't look, don't look.

What about her?

That's Kanika Tuli.

I heard she's a lesbo.

Really? Where'd you hear that?

Oh, you know, here and there.

Considering some of the men I've been with, that doesn't sound half bad.

Oh, come on.

Don't tell me you've never thought about being with a woman.

No! Never!

So, did you see Rajeev yet? I think he's around.

Nope.

"...try understanding my emotions"

Excuse me.

Sure.

"It's really important for me"

"Sweety your love"

"It's a like a gem for me"

"Sweety your love"

"Making me crazy"

Do you see her? Don't look.

That's Menaka Vashisht. She's a lesbo.

-Really? -Yeah.

So, what's the story?

Story?

Yeah, you know, you called me.

Gave me the address, told me to come over.

Yeah, I know. I'm not that drunk. Yet.

I didn't say anything about a story, I just gave you the address.

So I came here for nothing?

No, to have a drink, have some fun.

Tashi, stop working.

I was in the middle of something.

Couldn't have been that important.

What?

Why'd you pick up the phone then?

I'm glad you're having fun.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. When you're sober.

Tash, come on.

Lover's spat?

Rajeev, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit, okay?

So why don't you just leave?

Make me.

Listen, man. I don't know you, okay? Do you mind?

Yeah. I mind.

What the fuck?

-What's your problem, man? -What did you just say?

What the fuck?

-Come on, say it again! -Guys!

Say it again, come on.

Listen, man, I'm not looking for trouble, alright?

No, bitch! Trouble's looking for you.

-Should've kept your mouth shut! -Leave me alone!

-Now mind your fucking business! -You bastard!

-Come here. You, come here-- -You fucking bastard!

-You think, you can get away with this? -Fucker!

Nobody messes with Rajeev Khanna and gets--

Let's go! He has friends.

-Are you alright? -I'm fine.

Let me see that.

That doesn't look so good.

I'm fine.

I'm really sorry.

I just wanted you to loosen up, have a good time.

It's okay.

What do you mean, loosen up?

No, I didn't mean it like that.

I am loose, okay?

With friends, people who know me.

People who don't feel the need to drag me half-way across the city

in the middle of the fucking night, so I can loosen up.

Don't be an asshole. I apologized. I was just trying to be nice.

-Where should I drop you off? -Just wherever.

-Fuck! -Can't believe this guy!

Hey! Hey bastard!

I'll fucking kill you!

-You bastard! -Tashi, go, go, go!

Son of a bitch!

I'll fucking kill you!

Go, go, go, go. Fuck.

I'm going to fucking shoot you like a dog!

I'll kill you, you bitch!

What's wrong with that crazy fuck?

You bitch, you're done!

"Sweety, I want your love" -Shit!

-You asshole! -Asshole!

Stop it, you fuck!

"It's really important for me"

"Sweety your love"

"It's a gem for me..."

-Stop the bloody car! -You bastard!

You bitch!

-Asshole! -Bloody hell!

I'll fucking kill you!

Fuck you!

"Sweety your love"

"I want your love"

Fuck.

Hang on.

Stop, sisterfucker!

I'll kill you, you bastard!

Get after him!

Fuck, where the fuck do we go?

"Sweety, I want your love"

"Sweety, I want your love"

Park it!

"Sweety, I want your love"

Bastard!

"The reason of my happiness is your love"

Come on, come on.

"Sweety your love"

Come on, quick!

Oh shit!

"Your love is my need"

There he is!

Stop, you fucker!

Stop. Stop, you bastard!

Stop.

-But which one? -Fuck it, let's go!

509.

That's fine, that's fine. Don't worry about it.

Okay, ma'am.

-Bathroom? Is it done? -Yes ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Fuck! My car.

My brand new car.

Who's the asshole?

My husband.

Ex-husband, as soon as the divorce papers show up.

I can't believe he took a shot at me. Geez! Where'd you find him?

Oh, you know. Arranged marriage.

Parents forced me.

Really?

No. He was my boyfriend in school.

I actually ran away from home to marry him.

I fought with my parents.

You know how to pick them.

Sitting here with you.

I'm going to get some coffee.

You want some?

You can't just do that. That's not--

Anyone who can afford to stay at this hotel

can afford to buy us a cup of coffee.

Cappuccino, okay?

What, you do this on a regular basis?

No, just on days I get shot at by my ex-husband.

Hi, I'm calling from room 509.

Can you please send up two cappuccinos?

Hold on.

Would you like something to eat?

No, just the coffees. Thank you.

This is wrong.

You need to fucking lighten up.

Yes, baby! Yes, a little harder!

Excuse us!

Oh my God! Yes, yes!

Oh! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Like a horse! In the back!

In the back! In the back!

Slightly baby! Like a horse!

Oh my God! More! More, in the back!

Come on.

I could've sworn that was our room.

Frank, I hope this isn't Alzheimer's.

Louise, the key worked!

Mr. and Mrs. Eggen, I have your coffee.

We didn't order any coffee.

Thanks for the lift.

And I'd be happy to pay for your window.

It's all right.

You didn't shoot it.

'Night.

Did you put the buckets out?

Bastard, I'm dying.

Man, did you drink all my juice?

Yeah.

There were like 3-4 cartons in there.

I know.

You don't even like orange juice.

Sometimes I do.

Man!

I'll buy you some more.

Damn right you'll buy me some more. You--

Did you wash your ass with my juice?

Bastard, I told you I'll buy you some more.

My fucking ass cheeks are stuck together.

I can never drink orange juice again.

Yes, Mom.

Yes, how many times are you going to tell me the same thing?

OK, Mom, and listen.

Please do not forget to pick up my Lehenga from the designer.

I just know that guy.

He will not be done on time.

Yes.

Yeah, Mom. Okay. Okay, bye. Love you, bye.

Hey, baby. Hi.

What?

What happened to you?

Work.

Work?

Work? They don't pay you enough to get killed.

My dad gives you a brand new car and

this is what you do to it, Tashi?

You're going to miss your flight.

-This is it, right? -Yes.

Do not disturb.

Who is it?

Sir, laundry.

No, thanks.

Laundry?

You idiot.

Move.

Hold on.

Yes, sir?

Which room is this for?

507, sir.

I'll take it.

No, sir, I can't do that.

I have to deliver the food myself.

See, he's my friend.

It's his birthday, we want to surprise him.

Yes sir, I understand, sir.

But, it's hotel...

policy.

R. Balachander.

If there's a problem, I'll talk to your manager.

But, sir.

Here, buy something for the kids.

Sir, I'm not married.

For yourself then?

No, sir. I can't do that, sir.

I have to deliver the food myself, for reasons of quality.

You have to deliver it?

Yes, sir.

For the reasons of quality?

Yes, sir.

Take it.

Ready, sir?

Who is it?

Room service. Sir, your lunch.

Yeah, you can come in.

And happy birthday, sir.

Sorry, but it's not my birthday.

What the fuck?

Surprise.

Yeah, what are you doing here?

Delivering your food, man.

Unlike you, we make our deliveries.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Bunty.

Hey, easy!

This was a new shirt, man.

-Even dry cleaning won't get that out. -Balls.

Just got it from the tailor yesterday.

Where is my package?

I sent it, like every time.

But I didn't get it.

So, where is it?

I brought it in...

and gave it to the courier, like every time!

There was this new girl.

New girl?

Yeah.

My regular girl was sick, so...

she told me her friend could help us...

Who could help us out, for free.

Only this time.

The new girl didn't know what she was carrying.

She didn't know!

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Search the room.

Sisterfuckers! What is this, a wedding?

Arup! This is very nice, Arup. Very nice.

The client also liked it very much.

Only thing, they felt that the banana is smiling too much.

Too happy.

Why? He's about to get eaten.

What could be wrong?

You want me to make him sad?

Yes, not too much. About seven percent.

Anything for me?

No, nothing. I'm going to take a bath.

You just took a bath.

It's really hot. I'm really hot.

I feel like taking a bath again.

"Cruel, beloved"

"Come a little closer"

"I am a firecracker"

Send 10,000 rupees to P.O Box number 3452, New Delhi - 110007

on the first of every month. No police.

Are you done?

No, no.

Mr. Tashi?

Mr. Ni--

Nitin?

Nothing.

I swear I don't have it. You got to believe me now.

This girl, she must've messed up.

Give me her number.

What?

Her phone number.

It's 9-8-6...

7-6-6...

No. 7-6-5...

1-9-9-0.

Gupta Stationary Mart. Hello?

No, no. I must've mixed it up, I mean...

-Bunty. -No, I... Don't!

Don't!

No, no!

Why should I be here if I want to cheat you?

Because you don't know me.

What's that?

It is something to clear your brain, man.

What are you doing?

Number.

Number?

9-8-7... No, 6!

7-6-5

1-6...

8... Fuck!

Number is 6...

1-9-9-0. No!

1-9-1-1-9-0! 1-1-9-0!

Please! Put it off, please!

Get it off!

Hello, you've reached Soniya.

-Please, put it out! -Please leave

-a message after the beep. Bye. -Please put it out.

Sorry.

Leave her a message to call back urgently.

And now, I'm calling her again.

But this time, leave a proper message, okay?

Yeah.

And also, call the room service, order some food.

What do you idiots want to eat?

Hey.

What happened, where were you yesterday?

Arup, what are you doing here?

Ritu, who is it?

Nobody, Mom.

Arup, you shouldn't be here.

What's going on?

Hey, guys.

Ritu, your friend?

Yeah, a friend.

Ritu's friends are my friends.

Arup, this is Vivek.

He's a computer engineer in Canada.

Hey, nice to meet you, dude.

I hope you're coming for the wedding.

Wedding?

He doesn't know?

I was just about to tell him.

Actually, Arup's here to pick up his stuff.

He's a cartoonist.

I'll be back.

A cartoonist?

Like Chacha Choudhry?

Yeah, like Chacha Choudhry.

That's, that's funny.

Vivek, your tea is getting cold.

All right, yeah. Hey...

Good to see you, dude.

Hey!

Old jungle saying...

"Phantom fist is quicker than the eye"

See you at the wedding.

Vivek, come here. Your tea's getting cold.

When were you planning to tell me?

Arup, it doesn't matter.

In a month, I'm moving to Canada.

Ritu, your tea is getting cold.

You should go now, Arup. Please.

Good luck with your cartooning.

Ritu weds Vivek.

The bride and groom may now exchange garlands.

"All auspiciousness to Lord Vishnu--"

Stop! This marriage cannot happen!

"Disco Fighter!"

This girl has given me a blow-job.

Blow-job!

And because I am a 21st century man, I have given her oral pleasure also.

Oh my God! Are you alright?

Shameless girl!

You've disgraced the family name!

Get out of my sight!

"The trivial things you troubled me with"

"Made me a fool dancing to your tune"

"Go, go, go Go to hell"

"Go, go, go! All I want to say is"

"Get lost witch!"

"Witch..."

"Sitar!"

"Go, go, go Everybody, get lost witch!"

"Get lost witch!"

"Get lost witch!"

"Witch!"

"If you don't care for me, Then I care a damn"

"To hell with you"

"What can one possibly do to me?"

"Go, go, go..."

"Get lost witch"

You have two voice messages.

Hi, Soniya. It's Vladimir...

I want you to call back as soon as possible.

It's very urgent, so if you can do that. Thank you very much.

Hello?

Hello, Vladimir. It's Soniya, I got your message.

Good, good, good.

I want to ask you about the package you have to deliver.

Did you deliver it?

You know, actually, I didn't. But I gave it to a friend to deliver.

I had to do some shopping before the flight.

Are you crazy?

After I told you exactly what to do...

You think this is a joke?

You think this is a picnic...

That we are on a picnic?

You are so fucking stupid!

God!

Hello?

Well done.

Hello, you've reached Soniya.

Please leave me a message after the beep, bye.

Vladimir.

-Hello, yes? -Hello, Miss Soniya?

Now who's this?

Hi, Miss Soniya, this is Vladimir's supervisor.

I'm calling to say sorry for his behavior.

He's a very rude man, okay? Very rude.

I only did this as a favor to him, you know.

Because he's a friend of a friend.

I helped him out, and look at this!

I mean...

You're right, you're right.

I'll definitely take some action against him.

Some very strict action.

By the way, where's that package you had to deliver?

Actually, I'm surprised it hasn't been delivered.

I gave it to a friend. He's usually very good at these things.

Something must have happened, you know, we all are busy people.

Why don't you give me his address, I mean, I'll have it picked up.

Are you sure?

No problem at all.

Where should I write, on my hand?

Yeah, sorry?

Yeah.

What's his name?

What the fuck?

Who's this?

Tashi.

So you're Tashi?

Yeah, who the fuck are you?

Hey, barrister Vinod.

I ask the questions here.

Calm down.

So you're not Tashi?

No, sir. I told you...

May I get down now?

Where's my package?

Package?

Is this basketball that they are having fun?

Enough, you fools.

A girl called Soniya gave you a package.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Really?

Ask the guy who dropped it off.

He isn't here.

Sisterfucker! What is this, a joke?

No, no, no. He's right.

I dropped it off.

You dropped it off?

He's saying you're not even here.

I think I'll just beat you guys a little more.

Sir, please listen to me.

He gave it to someone to drop it off...

and that guy, he gave it to me to...

Hang on, hang on.

You're not Tashi.

He is.

He got the package, he gave it to someone else

and he gave it to you, and you dropped it off.

Yeah.

Then why didn't you say so?

Sir, you didn't ask.

Okay, I'm you asking now. Where is it?

I dropped it off at this place or shop, Indian Handicrafts or something.

You dropped off a can of shit at Indian Handicrafts.

Where's my package?

No, sir. Shit?

Really?

-Are you sure? -Am I sure?

-Ask me again. -You're probably right.

You're absolutely right. There must've been a mix up.

Mix-up? Sisterfucker! I've had it with this!

If I have to ask you one more time.

I'm going to fucking kill you.

Package?

Doctor, it's at the doctor's office. Please.

Bunty.

Done?

Better?

Thank God, you were there, otherwise...

Forget it, man.

Let's go.

Mr. Nitin?

Who is next?

Mr. Nitin.

Your friend dropped this off.

My friend? Why?

-Shall we? -Yeah.

Dr. Nirmal

What do you know about this guy?

Nothing. He's dead.

Sir, may I get down now?

I know he's dead.

But who did the flower arrangement?

Sir, if I could just get down, I'll answer all your questions.

My roommate took them.

-Him? -No. My other roommate.

His photographer.

His photographer?

There are morons running around the city photographing dead guys for him?

No sir, actually, he's a...

journalist.

Thank you very much.

I really--

Forget it, man. You're like a stuck record.

You would've done the same for me, right?

Right.

Okay. Got to go.

What happened?

You're not going home?

No, man.

Have to meet my brother.

You have a brother?

Hey, guys.

You must be the photojournalist.

Welcome. We've been waiting for you.

Where the hell were you?

Park your ass over there.

Go.

First class.

Very good.

Finish them.

Wait a minute. Finish them?

Why? You got everything you want. No, no, no!

-Arup! -Back off!

-Arup! -Hold him!

You fucking idiot!

Nobody can hear a thing in this racket.

-I'll take it off! -You fuckhead, give me that.

Master!

What happened? Careful!

Don't panic!

Go on, help her! Careful.

Don't worry, don't panic!

Shit! Shit!

Fuck.

Arup!

Arup?

Arup, come on, man!

Hurry, c'mon. Get up!

Disco Fighter.

Fuck. Shit! Come on, come on.

You okay?

Nitin, come on!

"Run! Run!"

Wait, wait!

"Run! Run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Here it comes, Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

What are you doing? Come on, Arup!

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run! Here it comes"

Hey! Stop! Stop!

"Run! Run!"

Hey, stop!

Fuck.

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run! Here it comes"

Phool Chand Jain.

This...

Is this the tie I gave you?

Yes.

Snacks are ready!

Don't touch anything.

God knows what diseases you're carrying.

Are you waiting for the snacks to be served?

No, I'll get going.

Bharat Petroleum.

They shaved your head before hanging you?

No.

What?

No.

So how come you're bald?

I did.

You did?

What is this, fucking Mill on the Floss?

What the hell just happened?

Where the fuck are we going?

Can we come in?

Delhi Times.

I'm sorry, I picked them up.

How can you just leave a bunch of diamonds lying around?

I wasn't thinking.

But now I am.

I think let's just return them, walk away from this whole thing.

We can't.

What, we'll just...

They tried to kill us after they got them back.

What?

They tried to kill us after they got them back.

Too late to walk away.

We can't just sell them and run, I mean, where do we...

Sorry, Aunty.

Where do we go? Our lives are here.

Why can't we just go to the police?

Soniya will get into trouble.

She'll get into trouble?

-This is all her fault. -Hello, this is Soniya.

What the fuck has she been doing, hanging out with fucking psychos?

Leave me a message after the beep, bye.

And I know this is your dowry, man, but its is an ugly fucking ugly car, okay!

When a donkey fucks a rickshaw, this is what you get.

"People tend to be cheated in this world"

"They tend to lose their hearts Through their eyes"

"In this world..."

Three lakhs.

"...tend to be cheated in this world"

Three lakhs.

"They tend to lose their hearts..."

Three lakhs?

Final offer.

"...through their eyes"

Okay.

Good, very good.

There's 30 diamonds here, so the total is 90 lakhs.

Come back in half an hour.

Till then, I'll arrange for the cash.

Sorry, sorry. Three lakhs each?

Three lakhs each.

See, guys...

this is my final offer.

No bargaining.

Take it or leave it.

No, no, no.

It's fine.

90 lakhs.

It's okay.

I'll go to Patna.

I'm gone five years.

No, I'll go to Kashmir.

Nobody will look there.

What are you doing?

I'm just, just checking.

Saw this movie once, cash on top

and underneath they had stuffed with all fucking newspaper.

This is, this is all cash.

Nice guy, that Mr. Adlakha.

Where are you going to go?

-Staying right here. -What?

They'll, they'll find you, man.

Yeah, they'll find me, they'll beat me, and I'll tell them you're in Patna.

Bastard.

Give me the phone.

Hello?

Bannerjee, you fucking hack!

Hello?

You blot on every Bong art director in the business!

I quit!

You talentless whore. You--

-Talk. -Talk.

Talk!

By about 11 percent and...

Hello?

-Bannerjee. -Bannerjee.

-Hack! -You... fucking hack!

Blot on every Bong art director in the business!

-What? -I quit, I quit!

I quit, you talentless whore.

Goddammit, who is this?

It's Arup, you dumb fuck.

I quit!

You're so fucked!

You're a dick, man.

-Yeah? -Tashi!

I want the diamonds back, in one hour. Room 507, Hotel Raj Palace.

Or I'll send her back by parcel post.

What?

Who is it?

They've got Soniya.

They, who they?

We have to take the diamonds back.

We have to return the money and take the diamonds back.

-What? -Take the money back?

I just quit my job.

No, you're right, we have to do the right...

They didn't recognize me, I can always tell them it wasn't... Crap!

But we take the diamonds back, they kill us.

Wasn't that the problem to begin with?

-We don't have a choice. -We don't have a choice?

What, we're just going to go back there and get killed?

That's the plan? To go back there and get--

Fuck, man! Will you shut the fuck up?

I hate your fucking girlfriend, man.

"I was up all night..."

No problem.

Pay me back and take them.

They're yours, after all.

"...they tend to lose their hearts"

How much is this?

The 90 lakhs you gave us, all of it.

How many do you want to buy?

All of them.

Oh...

That'll be double then.

Look, I am giving back all the 90 lakhs that you gave us.

Please, just return our diamonds.

The guys who sold me the diamonds

had no idea of their value.

But I did. That's why double.

Look, I'm begging you.

It's a matter of life and death.

My friend...

I've heard these sob stories before.

I'm running a business, not a charity.

Somebody will die, okay, you understand?

We were here half-an-hour ago, nothing has changed.

This is my final offer.

Double.

Tashi, no, no!

Throw him out!

Throw the motherfucking bastard out!

Where are we going?

Times of India.

For what?

I have a plan.

Drag me half-way across the city?

I only do that for people who know me.

For friends, and in the middle of the fucking day!

I have a deadline.

Trust me.

So do I.

This is the plan?

Find a parking spot, sit tight till we show up.

Simple as that.

Nothing to worry about.

-Watch it! -Hey, aunty!

Fuck off, you half-wit!

Can't see with this thing in my face!

Whatever you do, keep your face covered.

I'm assuming there's going to be an explanation at some point?

Yes, of course, but later.

-Did you get the money? -Yeah.

Why do we have to give it back? That guy's an asshole.

This isn't a robbery.

We're taking back what's ours, returning what's his.

-Ours? -Nothing is ours.

We're just the dumb fucks stuck in the middle!

We should keep the fucking money.

Cow!

You drive, let me do the thinking.

"Show me the money, or get lost"

"Show me the money, or get lost"

"Show me the money, or get lost"

Okay, find a spot as close to the store as you can, park there.

Man, I'm dying in this. Do you know how hot this thing is?

Yes, I'm wearing one.

Move, you fuck. Are you blind?

No, not this either.

Ma'am, how about this one?

No, show me something else.

Ma'am, if you tell me what you're looking for

then I'll be able to help you better.

Not this, please show me something else.

Okay, ma'am.

How about this?

Let's go!

Let's go, everything's crappy.

Hold on, hold on!

What's the matter, ma'am? You didn't like anything?

No, this is garbage.

Why don't you step into my office? I have something you'll love.

Please, come.

Nafisa, will you wait here? I'll be right back.

Nafisa.

I'll be back.

Please, come.

"Everything reminds me of you..."

Hello.

How are you, sir?

Very well.

Is my set ready? Or will you make me wait again?

Uday.

Madam, orange juice?

Ladies first.

Thank you.

What range are you looking in?

Price is out of the question.

Only a connoisseur can appreciate true craftsmanship.

Just a minute.

Here you go. Just for you.

You won't find such fine work anywhere else, I guarantee it.

Does it come with anklets?

Of course, let me show you.

Where are those anklets?

Shit! Fuck!

Those anklets...

Hands up.

Get back!

This isn't a robbery, I'm taking back what's mine. Your money's outside.

-Menaka. -You won't get away.

Don't worry about me, you thief.

Tape, tape.

Damn, fuck! You fucker! You fucking rat! Fuck, I should rob you!

Menaka...

-My shoe... -Open your mouth!

Oh fuck!

"Your love is my life..."

Sir, here's your set.

"I can't forget your love, Even I try to"

Wow! I never imagined it would turn out so beautifully.

I want to thank him personally. Where is he?

In his office, I'll call him.

Walk, don't run.

Hey!

-Stop! -Okay, run! Run!

-Catch them. -Run!

Catch them!

Stop them!

Catch them!

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Here it comes, Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run! Here it comes"

Thank you.

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Run! Run! D.K. Bose, run!"

"Here it comes..."

Tashi! Tashi, here!

Arup! Tashi, over here! Come on!

"Run! Run!"

"Run! Run!"

"Run! Run!"

Hey!

"Run! Run!"

Crazy.

You guys!

Crazy!

What the...

Menaka!

Shit! Menaka!

So, what was all this all about?

Save his wife.

She's not my wife.

Wife-to-be, fiance, whatever.

You're engaged?

What was her name again?

Leena.

Leena.

Once we're there, just point her out to me.

I'll take care of the rest.

I think we should just let them go with a warning, right?

Is that what the whore-lover thinks?

I'll drag all those Godless bastards to the station...

and thrash them senseless!

Control room, I'm following a red car, request immediate backup!

Red car, DL 3C 6390, near Dhaula Kuan, all units in area, please assist.

Sir?

Yeah, turn around.

Friday, 1:48 p.m.

Your boyfriend was supposed to be here by two. He isn't here yet.

Personally, I have nothing against you.

But, I have no other choice.

Who knows what your story would have been...

if you'd fallen in love with someone else.

Please, please, please, I'm begging you.

Just five minutes, he'll be here.

Sorry, ma'am.

Deadline is a deadline.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

What the... Did you see that?

Sir, can we try again?

You think?

We have ten minutes, we'll get bored.

Pick her up.

You guys wait here.

-I'll be back. -Okay.

-I'm coming with you. -No.

You don't have to.

This is my problem.

I'm coming with you.

Man!

Will you wait here?

We'll be back soon.

I'll think about it.

Where are you going?

Where do you think?

8.

-Please, please. No, no, no. -7.

6.

5.

4.

-Please, I beg you. -3.

Get it.

Do not disturb.

Hurry up, we don't have much time.

Give it to me.

Let her go first.

That was an order, not a request.

Man, don't fuck around.

First, the four of us will go down to the lobby.

Meet me at the lobby and I'll give it to you.

What are you doing, man?

Is that so?

-Hurry up! -Yes, sir.

I'll tell you what will happen.

First, I'll kill her.

-Tashi! -Quiet.

Tashi, please give him what he wants--

Quiet.

Shut up!

-What happened? -Sorry.

And then the three of you.

Either way, I'll get what I want.

You really think your bravery is going to change the world?

You son of a...

Man, oh man!

Shit, shit.

Shit!

Sisterfucker.

You're pulling a gun on me?

You fucker, do you know how long I've been in this business?

What do you think?

Putting a gun to my head gives you permission to fuck me in the ass?

Sisterfucker!

Police! Nobody moves!

Happy anniversary, darling.

Cheers.

Next time...

can we please just go to

fucking Disneyland?

No!

So, they are right.

You are a lesbian.

I should've known.

What're you talking about, man?

I saw you, okay?

I saw you kissing that woman in the burqa.

What're you doing? Following me around?

So you won't deny it?

Rajeev, enough!

So you're not going to deny it?

Stop, damn it!

Okay, who the hell were you kissing? Who were you kissing?

Me.

She was kissing me.

You don't approve?

She was kissing you?

Fuck!

Smuggling ring busted. by Tashi Dorjee Lhatoo.

It's well written.

Did you say it's brilliantly written?

I said, are you sure they can't trace that fucking car back to us?

It's in my father-in-law's name.

He reported it stolen, that should cover our asses.

He's not your father-in-law.

Yeah, yeah.

So, Soniya called off the wedding?

No.

I did.

You called it off?

You called it off?

He called it off?

So you don't mind if I ask Soniya out to dinner, right?

Dude, what the...

What, she's hot man.

-You got more? -Cupboard.

So, you called up that guy?

The art director, what's his name?

I'm done with that crap.

I'm moving back home.

Why?

I can't make the fucking rent, that's why.

Hey, what the hell? What the hell is this?

Don't look at me.

It's the hand of God.

You crazy bastard.

-What? -How can you do this?

What? You don't want it, I'll keep it all.

"Your sight just pierced my heart"

"Your sight just pierced my heart"

"It's pierced! It's pierced! It's pierced! It's pierced!"

"Your sight..."

This is all I have. Forget this ever happened. Take care, have a good life.

What are you doing now?

Coming!

Hey, stop playing with that.

Vishal, did you show daddy the card you made for uncle?

Show it to him.

You made a card for uncle?

Very good.

This is lovely

Read it to me.

Dear Uncle, we are all very sorry

that bullet hit your bum.

We hope, you can soon

go potty on your own.

Is that what you've written?

He can't write that.

You're right.

Actually son, it should be...

A bullet hit your bum.

We all are very sorry

a bullet hit your bum.

What are you doing? You'll break it!

Write down...

Write 'a'.

Come on, let's go.

-Ready? -Yes, let's go.

I don't have that car anymore.

The magic photo, this...

It's yours.

No.

Bye, Tashi.

...listen to VJ Sohaya's new song.

'I hate you, like I love you.'

Like I love you, in brackets.

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you"

"Like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"This pain has made me crazy"

Bastard!

You're going to pay for that!

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"This pain has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"Only fortunate ones Find a heartless like you"

"Only fortunate ones do"

"You are you so cold-hearted"

"You can pierce just right through"

"You can pierce just right through"

"But you are in my blood"

"I just can't quit"

"Infection! Addiction! You give me such a kick"

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"This pain has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"Shake that biscuit, baby"

"Shake it for me"

Disco.

"She's so electrifying"

"Look into my eyes"

"Intoxicate me"

"Intoxicate me"

"The feeling of death"

"Is unlike any other"

"Is unlike any other"

"But you are in my blood"

"I just can't quit"

"Infection! Addiction! You give me such a kick"

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"I hate you, like I love you"

"I hate you, like I love you, Love you, love you!"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

"This pain has made me crazy"

"Your love has made me crazy"

Disco Fighter.

A four that soars across the boundary, is called a sixer.