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[slow instrumental music playing]
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[funk drums playing]
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[indistinct chatter]
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[man] Let's go!
5
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- [hip-hop music playing]
- [audience cheering]
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{\an8}[Chris Rock] She said,
"$300, I'll do anything you want."
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I said, "Bitch, paint my house."
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We don't need the death penalty!
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We got the tossed salad man!
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{\an8}'Cause if a bullet costs $5,000,
there'll be no more innocent bystanders.
11
00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:52,038
{\an8}I ain't scared of Al-Qaeda.
12
00:00:52,038 --> 00:00:53,771
{\an8}I'm scared of Al-Cracker.
13
00:00:53,771 --> 00:00:56,571
You cannot lend money
to people you're fucking.
14
00:00:56,571 --> 00:00:58,971
'Cause they think that sex is a payback.
15
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:02,705
{\an8}We just got a few bad apples
that like to crash into mountains.
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00:01:02,705 --> 00:01:04,138
[audience laughing]
17
00:01:08,371 --> 00:01:09,205
[audience cheering]
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[hip-hop music playing]
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[female announcer] Ladies and gentlemen.
20
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Ladies and gentlemen.
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Chris Rock!
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[audience cheering]
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[audience continue cheering]
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00:02:08,305 --> 00:02:10,338
[Chris Rock] What's up, Baltimore?
25
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[audience cheers loudly]
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Yes!
27
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Yes, yes.
28
00:02:16,371 --> 00:02:17,405
Thank you!
29
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,938
Thank you so much!
30
00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:25,971
Thank you so much
to coming to my Netflix special.
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- Thank you.
- [audience cheering]
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00:02:29,438 --> 00:02:31,271
That's right. That's right!
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Okay.
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- I'mma try to do a show.
- [man shouting unintelligibly]
35
00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,771
I'mma try... Nigga, sit down!
36
00:02:38,738 --> 00:02:45,138
I'mma try to do a show tonight
without offending nobody, okay?
37
00:02:45,971 --> 00:02:47,571
I'mma try my best.
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00:02:48,105 --> 00:02:51,171
You know why? 'Cause you never know
who might get triggered.
39
00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,338
That's right. You say the wrong thing...
40
00:02:56,305 --> 00:02:57,905
motherfuckers get scared.
41
00:02:59,038 --> 00:02:59,938
You gotta watch out.
42
00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:03,738
You know what people say.
They always say, uh, "words hurt."
43
00:03:04,438 --> 00:03:06,705
That's what they say.
You gotta watch what you say.
44
00:03:06,705 --> 00:03:08,838
'Cause words hurt.
45
00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:12,571
You know anybody that says words hurt
46
00:03:13,305 --> 00:03:15,738
has never been punched in the face.
47
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,338
[audience laughing]
48
00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:21,638
Okay?
49
00:03:21,638 --> 00:03:25,238
Yeah, words hurt
when you write them on a brick, okay?
50
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:27,538
You gotta watch out.
51
00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:28,805
Everybody's scared.
52
00:03:29,405 --> 00:03:30,771
Everybody scared.
53
00:03:30,771 --> 00:03:34,371
If you a certain age and you go to work,
you are fucking scared.
54
00:03:34,971 --> 00:03:37,505
In the old days,
if somebody wanted your job,
55
00:03:37,505 --> 00:03:39,505
they just worked harder than you.
56
00:03:40,071 --> 00:03:42,205
Now, somebody wants your job,
57
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:44,671
they just wait for you
to say some dumb shit.
58
00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:47,471
Yeah.
59
00:03:47,471 --> 00:03:49,971
Try to get you
with one of them woke traps.
60
00:03:50,971 --> 00:03:53,305
Say, "Hey, we going
to a gay wedding tomorrow."
61
00:03:53,305 --> 00:03:55,805
"How do you feel about that?"
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
62
00:03:56,171 --> 00:03:57,471
"It's good. It's good."
63
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,205
Don't fall into the woke trap at all now.
64
00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:03,771
I have no problem with the wokeness.
65
00:04:03,771 --> 00:04:05,705
I have no problem with it at all.
66
00:04:05,705 --> 00:04:07,705
I'm all for social justice.
67
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,871
I'm all for, for marginalized people
getting their rights.
68
00:04:11,871 --> 00:04:17,271
The thing I have a problem with
is the selective outrage.
69
00:04:18,371 --> 00:04:22,471
- [audience applauding]
- That's right, selective outrage.
70
00:04:23,271 --> 00:04:25,338
Everybody, you know what
I'm talking about?
71
00:04:25,338 --> 00:04:26,938
One person does something,
72
00:04:26,938 --> 00:04:27,938
they get cancelled.
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00:04:27,938 --> 00:04:30,271
Somebody else does the exact same thing...
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00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:31,971
No.
75
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,505
You know what I'm talking about.
76
00:04:34,971 --> 00:04:39,305
You know, like the kind of people
that play Michael Jackson songs,
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but won't play R. Kelly.
78
00:04:43,171 --> 00:04:45,405
[audience laughing and applauding]
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00:04:47,471 --> 00:04:48,305
[imperceptible]
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Same crime.
81
00:04:51,438 --> 00:04:53,771
One of them just got better songs.
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00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:58,405
[chuckling] That's right.
83
00:04:58,405 --> 00:05:00,938
Well, I'll play "Startin' Somethin',"
it's a party.
84
00:05:01,805 --> 00:05:04,705
I play "Bump n' Grind,"
now you are activists.
85
00:05:06,638 --> 00:05:08,838
So, everybody's scared.
86
00:05:08,838 --> 00:05:11,805
Everybody full of shit, you know?
87
00:05:11,805 --> 00:05:15,605
I'm in my old neighborhood the other day.
I bumped into my, my good friend, Fred.
88
00:05:15,605 --> 00:05:16,938
Hadn't seen him in years.
89
00:05:17,405 --> 00:05:18,671
Hadn't seen him in years.
90
00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:22,305
Fred got a new job at AT&T, okay?
91
00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:25,005
So, I'm like, "Hey, Fred, how's the job?"
92
00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:27,671
And Fred's like, "Oh, I love the job."
93
00:05:28,105 --> 00:05:30,138
"It's a safe space."
94
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:34,638
"I feel seen, I feel heard."
95
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,438
"There's a lot of diversity."
96
00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:38,471
And I'm looking at him. I'm like...
97
00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,271
"Nigga, it's me."
98
00:05:42,905 --> 00:05:45,305
What, you think I'm wearing
a wire or some shit?
99
00:05:46,671 --> 00:05:49,271
What the fuck you talking about,
safe space?
100
00:05:49,738 --> 00:05:52,338
Nigga, you did eight years
for manslaughter.
101
00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:56,105
Nobody's safe around you.
102
00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,305
Everybody's full of shit.
103
00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:06,138
Motherfuckers typing out woke ass tweets
on a, on a phone made by child slaves.
104
00:06:07,771 --> 00:06:09,905
You need to cut it out, man.
105
00:06:09,905 --> 00:06:12,438
Not only is everybody full of shit,
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00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:16,105
not only is everybody full of shit,
every business is full of shit.
107
00:06:16,405 --> 00:06:18,838
- [man whooping]
- Everybody you do business,
108
00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:21,938
they don't even tell you
about the product no more.
109
00:06:21,938 --> 00:06:24,405
They just tell you
how much charity they do.
110
00:06:25,271 --> 00:06:26,738
They say, "We give back."
111
00:06:26,738 --> 00:06:28,671
"We like to give back."
112
00:06:28,671 --> 00:06:30,171
"We don't even like the money."
113
00:06:32,271 --> 00:06:33,805
"We just give back."
114
00:06:33,805 --> 00:06:35,405
I'm in the mall the other day.
115
00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:36,471
I went by that store.
116
00:06:36,471 --> 00:06:38,038
What's this thing? A Lululemon.
117
00:06:39,105 --> 00:06:42,005
Lululemon, I walk by and in the window
118
00:06:42,005 --> 00:06:46,105
of every Lululemon,
there's a sign that says,
119
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:51,871
"We don't support racism,
sexism, discrimination, or hate."
120
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,405
And I'm like, "Who gives a fuck?"
121
00:06:56,138 --> 00:06:58,238
You're just selling yoga pants.
122
00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:02,071
I don't need your yoga pants politics.
123
00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:05,605
Tell me how you work on ball sweat.
124
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,238
The fuck you talking about, man?
125
00:07:11,838 --> 00:07:13,805
And then, I'm watching
the game the other night.
126
00:07:13,805 --> 00:07:17,005
There was a--
There was a commercial for Subaru.
127
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:21,905
Commercial for Subaru, and it said, uh,
"For every Subaru we sell,
128
00:07:22,671 --> 00:07:27,538
we'll donate $250
to your favorite charity."
129
00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:29,871
And I'm like, "Who gives a fuck?"
130
00:07:30,438 --> 00:07:32,605
I'm like, "Subaru,
you want to help me out?"
131
00:07:32,605 --> 00:07:36,705
"Why don't you just
sell me the car for $250 less?"
132
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:40,038
[audience laughing]
133
00:07:41,305 --> 00:07:43,671
Shit, I'm my favorite charity.
134
00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:47,538
Shit. You know what Elon Musk does?
135
00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:52,638
Every time he sells a Tesla,
he gets his dick sucked.
136
00:07:55,171 --> 00:07:57,038
That's why he looks so weird.
137
00:07:59,738 --> 00:08:01,971
'Cause his body has negative cum.
138
00:08:04,771 --> 00:08:07,105
He's the richest man on Earth.
139
00:08:07,105 --> 00:08:12,738
No one has lower cum levels
than Elon Musk, okay?
140
00:08:12,738 --> 00:08:16,371
Women are sucking out the cum
before it's even formed.
141
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:21,471
There's a six-month waiting list
for Elon Musk's cum.
142
00:08:21,705 --> 00:08:24,805
[chuckles] He's flying bitches
to the moon.
143
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,538
Who could compete with that shit?
144
00:08:27,371 --> 00:08:31,371
No one has less sperm than Elon Musk.
145
00:08:31,371 --> 00:08:34,538
Only Jason Momoa comes close.
146
00:08:38,771 --> 00:08:41,171
To having less spunk than Elon Musk.
147
00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:43,771
Fucking Lululemon.
148
00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:49,938
"We don't support racism,
sexism, discrimination, or hate."
149
00:08:50,871 --> 00:08:53,605
They sell $100 yoga pants.
150
00:08:54,605 --> 00:08:56,638
$100 yoga pants.
151
00:08:57,105 --> 00:08:58,571
They hate somebody.
152
00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:02,538
[laughs]
153
00:09:02,871 --> 00:09:04,871
They hate the poor.
154
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:10,305
[sputters] $100 yoga pants?
155
00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:11,305
No, no, no. Correction.
156
00:09:11,305 --> 00:09:13,171
They don't sell $100 yoga pants.
157
00:09:13,671 --> 00:09:19,005
They sell $100 non-racist yoga pants.
158
00:09:19,871 --> 00:09:23,205
I think I speak
for the entire audience tonight
159
00:09:23,205 --> 00:09:26,338
when I say most people in this crowd
160
00:09:26,338 --> 00:09:32,138
would prefer a pair
of $20 racist yoga pants.
161
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,805
[audience cheer in agreement]
162
00:09:38,405 --> 00:09:41,971
That's right. Like, yoga pants
that whistled "nigga" as you walk.
163
00:09:43,038 --> 00:09:49,438
"Nigga. Nigga. Nigga. Nigga. Nigga."
164
00:09:51,138 --> 00:09:53,071
"Are my pants whistling, 'Nigga'?"
165
00:09:55,238 --> 00:09:56,971
"Can't wear these to Cherry Hill."
166
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:03,071
Yeah, we live in Baltimore tonight, baby.
167
00:10:03,071 --> 00:10:05,238
- We are motherfucking live.
- [audience cheering]
168
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:06,838
Okay?
169
00:10:08,671 --> 00:10:10,805
Homework, that's right.
170
00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:14,705
Whenever I do a show, I do my homework.
171
00:10:16,171 --> 00:10:19,405
First thing I do when I get to town,
I'll go, "Where should I not go?"
172
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:24,405
And then I say, "Where can I buy coke?"
173
00:10:25,838 --> 00:10:27,938
And they're usually the same place.
174
00:10:30,305 --> 00:10:31,438
[chuckles]
175
00:10:34,905 --> 00:10:40,038
Now, America's...
America's got problems right now.
176
00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:43,105
They say we're addicted to opioids.
177
00:10:43,105 --> 00:10:45,105
They say we're addicted
to opioids and we are.
178
00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:50,205
I like a good opioid
when I could get my hand on it. [chuckles]
179
00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:53,638
There's, like, no pharmacist
has ever paid to come to my show.
180
00:10:58,971 --> 00:11:00,305
[laughs]
181
00:11:00,305 --> 00:11:02,938
"I think we can get him in there, yeah."
182
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:03,938
That's right, man.
183
00:11:03,938 --> 00:11:06,238
They say we're addicted to opioids,
184
00:11:06,238 --> 00:11:09,971
but opioids are not
the biggest addiction in America.
185
00:11:09,971 --> 00:11:12,638
No. Not even close, man.
186
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:18,871
The biggest addiction
in America is attention.
187
00:11:20,271 --> 00:11:21,271
That's right.
188
00:11:21,271 --> 00:11:25,638
We are addicted to attention.
189
00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,871
Can't get enough attention.
190
00:11:29,538 --> 00:11:31,338
Feening for likes.
191
00:11:32,071 --> 00:11:34,271
Just feening. We used to want love.
192
00:11:34,271 --> 00:11:35,838
Now, we just want likes.
193
00:11:37,638 --> 00:11:40,171
Posting up pathetic pictures.
194
00:11:41,571 --> 00:11:44,471
[high-pitch voice]
"This is me eating sushi. Like me."
195
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:50,671
[chuckling] "This is me, 25 years ago,
when I was hot. Like me."
196
00:11:51,705 --> 00:11:54,271
[normal voice] Oh, it's fucking sad, man.
197
00:11:54,771 --> 00:11:56,405
Just feening for attention.
198
00:11:56,405 --> 00:11:58,738
Addicted to attention.
199
00:11:59,171 --> 00:12:00,705
And how do you get attention?
200
00:12:00,705 --> 00:12:02,738
Four easy ways to get attention.
201
00:12:03,271 --> 00:12:06,305
Number one easiest way to get attention,
202
00:12:07,005 --> 00:12:09,305
show your ass.
203
00:12:10,505 --> 00:12:11,738
Show your ass!
204
00:12:11,738 --> 00:12:14,705
You will get attention,
even if you don't got ass!
205
00:12:15,705 --> 00:12:17,305
That's the world we live in.
206
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:21,705
It's why Blac Chyna
has more followers than Gayle King.
207
00:12:23,271 --> 00:12:25,405
'Cause Chyna is showing that ass.
208
00:12:25,905 --> 00:12:28,705
That's right.
So number one, show your ass.
209
00:12:29,205 --> 00:12:32,338
Number two easiest way to get attention
210
00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:35,071
is to be infamous.
211
00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:39,038
Yeah. Do some fucked up shit.
Shoot up a school.
212
00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:42,138
Try to stab Dave Chappelle at a show.
213
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:46,171
That's right, infamy.
You will get attention.
214
00:12:46,738 --> 00:12:50,105
Number three easiest way to get attention,
215
00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:52,438
that's right, to be excellent.
216
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,838
That's right. Like Serena Williams,
217
00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:57,671
greatest tennis player
to ever play the game.
218
00:12:57,671 --> 00:12:58,905
[audience cheering]
219
00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:03,305
Absolutely excellent!
220
00:13:03,305 --> 00:13:07,405
Being excellent will get you attention,
but it's hard being excellent.
221
00:13:07,405 --> 00:13:09,071
You gotta get up in the morning.
222
00:13:09,971 --> 00:13:12,605
[laughs] You gotta work out.
You gotta practice.
223
00:13:12,605 --> 00:13:15,871
It is much easier to show your ass.
224
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,371
That's right. That's right.
225
00:13:19,371 --> 00:13:24,005
And the number four
easiest way to get attention, number four,
226
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,105
is to be a victim.
227
00:13:28,105 --> 00:13:29,638
[audience] Ooh.
228
00:13:29,638 --> 00:13:33,638
- It's like "Where he going with this?"
- [audience laughs]
229
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:37,471
Don't get me wrong,
there's no victim-shaming going on.
230
00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:40,738
No. No, no, no, no.
There are real victims in this world.
231
00:13:40,738 --> 00:13:44,005
There are people that have
gone through unspeakable trauma,
232
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:47,005
and they need your love,
your support, and they need your care.
233
00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:51,638
But if everybody claims to be a victim
234
00:13:52,138 --> 00:13:54,171
when the real victims need help,
235
00:13:54,171 --> 00:13:57,071
ain't nobody gonna be there
to help them, okay?
236
00:13:57,071 --> 00:13:59,471
And right now, we live in a world
237
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,938
where the emergency room is filled up
with motherfuckers with paper cuts.
238
00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:07,271
Okay?
239
00:14:07,271 --> 00:14:10,438
- [audience cheering and whistling]
- That's right.
240
00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:13,971
Everybody's trying to be a victim.
241
00:14:13,971 --> 00:14:18,238
People that know
good and goddamn well they ain't victims.
242
00:14:18,238 --> 00:14:20,871
Like white men.
243
00:14:23,338 --> 00:14:26,005
When did white men become victims?
244
00:14:26,005 --> 00:14:29,438
White men actually think
they're losing the country.
245
00:14:30,171 --> 00:14:31,338
To who?
246
00:14:32,971 --> 00:14:34,205
It ain't us.
247
00:14:35,171 --> 00:14:38,138
When's the last time
you got on a Black cruise ship?
248
00:14:39,205 --> 00:14:41,238
Or flew on a Black airline?
249
00:14:41,238 --> 00:14:43,971
Get the fuck out of here.
We don't got no money!
250
00:14:44,805 --> 00:14:48,038
We got some vodkas
and a couple of record companies.
251
00:14:49,738 --> 00:14:53,871
White men actually think
they're losing the country!
252
00:14:53,871 --> 00:14:56,505
Can you believe--
Did you see the Capitol riots?
253
00:14:56,505 --> 00:15:01,771
White men trying to overthrow
the government that they run!
254
00:15:01,771 --> 00:15:03,238
[audience laughing]
255
00:15:10,705 --> 00:15:11,905
The fuck?
256
00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:14,005
They're like,
"We gotta get them out of office."
257
00:15:14,005 --> 00:15:15,138
Who? "Us."
258
00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:18,705
[laughs]
259
00:15:18,705 --> 00:15:20,971
Did you see the Capitol riots?
260
00:15:20,971 --> 00:15:25,405
Like, what kind of white
Planet of the Apes shit was that?
261
00:15:27,938 --> 00:15:30,971
These motherfuckers are climbing up walls
262
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,838
and taking a shit on Pelosi's desk.
263
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,638
What the fuck?
264
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:43,371
What would make white men think
they're losing the country? What?
265
00:15:43,371 --> 00:15:44,271
What? What?
266
00:15:44,271 --> 00:15:47,805
What, 'cause there's no more
white couples in commercials?
267
00:15:49,938 --> 00:15:51,771
There's no Black couples either.
268
00:15:52,271 --> 00:15:57,738
Every commercial has
a mixed race couple. Everything!
269
00:15:57,738 --> 00:16:00,305
Shit, I saw a commercial the other day,
270
00:16:00,305 --> 00:16:04,371
saw a Japanese woman
married to a caterpillar.
271
00:16:06,271 --> 00:16:08,138
[chuckles]
272
00:16:08,438 --> 00:16:10,238
Their kids were squirrels!
273
00:16:14,238 --> 00:16:16,105
By the way, speaking of commercials,
274
00:16:17,438 --> 00:16:20,405
when did Snoop Dogg become Morgan Freeman?
275
00:16:20,405 --> 00:16:22,605
[audience laughing and applauding]
276
00:16:25,738 --> 00:16:27,705
This nigga's selling everything.
277
00:16:28,838 --> 00:16:31,605
Beer, wine, tampons...
278
00:16:32,805 --> 00:16:38,138
I saw a commercial the other day,
Snoop was selling reverse mortgages.
279
00:16:40,771 --> 00:16:42,405
Called them, "Dogg-ages."
280
00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:45,738
What the fuck's a "Dogg-age"?
281
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:50,438
I love Snoop. I love Snoop Okay, so just...
282
00:16:50,438 --> 00:16:52,105
I'm not dissing Snoop, all right?
283
00:16:52,105 --> 00:16:55,038
Last thing I need
is another mad rapper, right?
284
00:16:55,038 --> 00:16:56,605
[audience laughing]
285
00:16:58,471 --> 00:16:59,638
Nope. Nope, nope.
286
00:17:00,971 --> 00:17:02,138
No, no, no.
287
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:04,905
No, no, no, no, no.
288
00:17:05,571 --> 00:17:10,505
Back to the show.
Everybody is trying to be a victim.
289
00:17:10,505 --> 00:17:13,171
Like, what's this girl Meghan Markle?
290
00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:17,505
[groans] Seemed like a nice lady.
291
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:22,471
Just complaining. I was like, "Didn't she
hit the light-skinned lottery?"
292
00:17:24,538 --> 00:17:29,938
Hit the fucking light-skinned lottery,
and still going on complaining.
293
00:17:29,938 --> 00:17:32,938
Acting all dumb,
like she don't know nothing.
294
00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:35,438
Going on Oprah,
[voice breaking] "I didn't know.
295
00:17:35,438 --> 00:17:38,138
I had no idea how racist they were."
296
00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:39,905
[normal voice] It's the royal family.
297
00:17:41,205 --> 00:17:43,505
You didn't google these motherfuckers?
298
00:17:45,305 --> 00:17:50,038
[chuckles] What the fuck
is she talking about, "she didn't know"?
299
00:17:50,038 --> 00:17:53,171
The fuck? It's the royal family!
300
00:17:53,171 --> 00:17:55,638
They're the original racists!
301
00:17:56,971 --> 00:17:59,471
They invented colonialism!
302
00:18:00,471 --> 00:18:03,038
They're the OGs of racism.
303
00:18:03,538 --> 00:18:06,038
They're the Sugarhill Gang of racism.
304
00:18:10,138 --> 00:18:11,905
Like, "The hip-hop, the hippie,
305
00:18:11,905 --> 00:18:15,705
the hippie-dippie hip hip-hop
and you don't stop" of racism.
306
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:21,238
The fuck is she talking about,
"I didn't know"?
307
00:18:21,805 --> 00:18:25,105
That's like marrying
into the Budweiser family
308
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,438
and going, "They drink a lot!"
309
00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:32,505
The fuck is she talking about?
310
00:18:32,505 --> 00:18:36,438
These motherfuckers invested in slavery
like it was Shark Tank.
311
00:18:38,005 --> 00:18:39,738
[laughs]
312
00:18:39,738 --> 00:18:43,338
The fuck? She said, "They're so racist.
They're so racist."
313
00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:46,438
Some of that shit
she went through was not racism!
314
00:18:47,338 --> 00:18:49,838
It was just some in-law shit.
315
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,138
And sometimes it's just some in-law shit!
316
00:18:54,638 --> 00:18:57,738
'Cause she's complaining, and I'm like,
"What the fuck is she talking about?"
317
00:18:57,738 --> 00:19:00,005
[voice breaking]
"Oprah, they're so racist!"
318
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:04,671
"They wanted to know
how brown the baby was gonna be."
319
00:19:04,671 --> 00:19:08,805
"They're so racist. They wanted to know
how brown the baby's gonna be."
320
00:19:08,805 --> 00:19:11,038
[normal voice]
I'm like, "That's not racist!"
321
00:19:12,438 --> 00:19:15,571
'Cause even Black people wanna know...
322
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,605
[audience laughing and applauding]
323
00:19:21,538 --> 00:19:26,905
how brown the baby gonna be!
Shit, we check behind them ears.
324
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:35,438
That's a scientific test. [chuckles]
325
00:19:35,438 --> 00:19:38,838
'Cause you gotta see
what kind of Black child you're gonna get.
326
00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,738
Is this a Steph Curry baby?
327
00:19:42,971 --> 00:19:45,171
Or a Draymond Green baby?
328
00:19:50,038 --> 00:19:52,905
That Draymond baby gonna have a hard life.
329
00:19:55,071 --> 00:19:58,405
Draymond Black, baby. That nigga dark.
330
00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:00,671
He's "sneak-up-on-you" Black.
331
00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:04,571
Where you at, Draymond? "Right here." Hey!
332
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:06,938
Hey!
333
00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:09,638
Put a bell on, nigga! Put a bell!
334
00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:19,171
I know what she going through.
I know what Meghan Markle's going through.
335
00:20:19,171 --> 00:20:20,838
I-I know her dilemma.
336
00:20:21,838 --> 00:20:27,505
Black girl trying to be accepted
by her white in-laws. Oh, it's hard.
337
00:20:28,571 --> 00:20:33,005
Black girl trying to be accepted
by her white in-laws. It's so hard.
338
00:20:33,005 --> 00:20:34,138
It's very hard!
339
00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:36,438
But it ain't as hard
340
00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:41,238
as a white girl trying to be
accepted by her Black in-laws.
341
00:20:43,438 --> 00:20:45,638
Now, that shit is really hard.
342
00:20:46,238 --> 00:20:49,305
Shit, you bring a white girl
home for Thanksgiving,
343
00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:51,705
your momma gonna say something.
344
00:20:53,805 --> 00:20:58,038
Your momma's like, "Why is there
a social worker at the table?"
345
00:21:05,071 --> 00:21:06,838
Like, "Momma, that's Jackie!"
346
00:21:08,071 --> 00:21:10,005
"We've been married nine years!"
347
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,738
"You got three grandchildren!
Stop being so mean!"
348
00:21:15,738 --> 00:21:20,038
"You know I'm playing, right, Jackie?
Just give me time."
349
00:21:20,938 --> 00:21:22,205
Nah, nah, nah.
350
00:21:22,705 --> 00:21:25,771
Meghan Markle, I know the dilemma.
351
00:21:26,405 --> 00:21:29,605
Black girl trying to be accepted
by her white in-laws.
352
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:34,838
Black girl trying to be accepted
by her white in-laws.
353
00:21:34,838 --> 00:21:37,138
I'm like, "Hey! If you're Black,
354
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:41,005
and you wanna be accepted
by your white in-laws,
355
00:21:42,305 --> 00:21:46,071
then you need to marry a Kardashian."
356
00:21:49,305 --> 00:21:51,171
'Cause they accept everybody.
357
00:21:52,705 --> 00:21:56,271
So, like, Kris Jenner
is like the Statue of Liberty.
358
00:21:57,905 --> 00:22:02,138
"Give me your tired,
your poor, your huddled masses..."
359
00:22:02,138 --> 00:22:04,371
Kris Jenner lets everybody in.
360
00:22:04,871 --> 00:22:07,405
That's right. She's like a Black grandma.
361
00:22:07,905 --> 00:22:10,871
She just wants to fix you up a plate,
that Kris Jenner.
362
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,538
She don't give a fuck.
She lets everybody in.
363
00:22:13,538 --> 00:22:17,105
She's like, "Bipolar rapper?
Bring your ass in here."
364
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:21,671
"Come in here, you genius,
bipolar motherfucker."
365
00:22:23,271 --> 00:22:26,271
"Crackhead basketball player?
Bring your ass here."
366
00:22:29,038 --> 00:22:32,171
"Let me fix you up a plate,
you old crackhead."
367
00:22:32,971 --> 00:22:35,871
"Daddy got titties? Bring your ass here."
368
00:22:39,438 --> 00:22:40,971
"Help me with these plates."
369
00:22:41,871 --> 00:22:45,038
[laughs] The Kardashians are inclusive!
370
00:22:46,205 --> 00:22:50,405
And they love Black people
more than Black people love Black people.
371
00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:54,738
Shit, the father freed O.J.
372
00:22:58,971 --> 00:23:00,838
[audience laughing]
373
00:23:01,971 --> 00:23:04,905
Oh, you forgot that little nugget
of Black history?
374
00:23:06,238 --> 00:23:09,438
He was a, he was a valuable member
of the Dream Team.
375
00:23:09,938 --> 00:23:13,605
That's right. He wasn't Johnnie Cochran.
He was the Klay Thompson of that team.
376
00:23:14,571 --> 00:23:16,405
That's right. That's right.
377
00:23:16,405 --> 00:23:20,871
Robert Kardashian helped
to free O.J. Simpson,
378
00:23:21,371 --> 00:23:25,138
a Black, football playing murderer!
379
00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:32,605
Whoo! O.J. Simpson killed two white people
and got away with it.
380
00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:35,771
That's another kind of Black excellence.
381
00:23:42,038 --> 00:23:44,071
That's way before Wakanda.
382
00:23:45,671 --> 00:23:47,305
Ah, ha, ha!
383
00:23:48,005 --> 00:23:52,571
Yes. Robert Kardashian helped
to free O.J. Simpson.
384
00:23:53,705 --> 00:23:55,838
That's right. And from that day on,
385
00:23:56,338 --> 00:23:58,705
from the day that he helped
to free O.J. Simpson,
386
00:23:58,705 --> 00:24:01,438
from the time
O.J. Simpson left that court...
387
00:24:02,071 --> 00:24:05,638
From that day on,
Robert Kardashian was cursed.
388
00:24:06,605 --> 00:24:07,438
That's right.
389
00:24:08,438 --> 00:24:10,638
The judge said, "Not guilty."
390
00:24:10,638 --> 00:24:13,905
O.J. left the court,
got in his Bronco, drove away.
391
00:24:15,605 --> 00:24:18,671
And soon as O.J. drove away,
392
00:24:19,405 --> 00:24:20,671
God appeared.
393
00:24:22,071 --> 00:24:25,305
And God walked up to Robert Kardashian
394
00:24:25,305 --> 00:24:26,871
and God said,
395
00:24:28,238 --> 00:24:29,838
"Robert Kardashian!"
396
00:24:31,105 --> 00:24:36,271
"For the sin of helping
to free O.J. Simpson,
397
00:24:36,271 --> 00:24:39,405
a Black, football-playing murderer,
398
00:24:40,371 --> 00:24:43,071
from this day forth,
399
00:24:43,071 --> 00:24:45,705
for the rest of eternity,
400
00:24:45,705 --> 00:24:47,671
till the end of time,
401
00:24:47,671 --> 00:24:50,338
your daughters will fuck
nothing but niggas!"
402
00:24:50,338 --> 00:24:52,171
[audience laughing]
403
00:25:03,971 --> 00:25:06,038
"And not just any niggas,
404
00:25:06,038 --> 00:25:07,571
crazy niggas."
405
00:25:11,738 --> 00:25:13,738
"The craziest niggas to ever live."
406
00:25:15,371 --> 00:25:17,038
[laughs]
407
00:25:17,705 --> 00:25:19,171
Yeah, we going in tonight.
408
00:25:21,005 --> 00:25:23,938
You can't tell none
of these jokes at work, motherfucker.
409
00:25:24,738 --> 00:25:25,571
No!
410
00:25:26,538 --> 00:25:28,638
I love the Kardashians.
I love the Kardashians.
411
00:25:28,638 --> 00:25:31,038
They're a very tight-knit family.
412
00:25:32,038 --> 00:25:34,371
I-- You know what I love
about the Kardashians?
413
00:25:34,371 --> 00:25:36,805
I love how quickly
414
00:25:37,471 --> 00:25:39,705
they accepted Caitlyn.
415
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:43,538
I thought that was beautiful.
I thought it was beautiful.
416
00:25:44,271 --> 00:25:47,771
That's right.
"No muss, no fuss, she's with us."
417
00:25:49,638 --> 00:25:52,538
I thought it was beautiful.
I would love to believe
418
00:25:52,538 --> 00:25:54,338
that if my father became a woman,
419
00:25:55,871 --> 00:25:57,838
that we would accept the situation
420
00:25:58,938 --> 00:26:01,071
as fast as the Kardashians.
421
00:26:02,105 --> 00:26:04,671
And I'm sure we would. I'm sure we would.
422
00:26:06,338 --> 00:26:08,038
It wouldn't be the first season.
423
00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:13,971
[chuckling] You know,
we need a few episodes
424
00:26:15,038 --> 00:26:17,205
to make this shit happen--
No, no, no. No, no.
425
00:26:17,205 --> 00:26:20,171
Honestly, here's the deal.
If my father became a woman,
426
00:26:21,438 --> 00:26:24,571
I would accept it right away.
I would accept it right away.
427
00:26:25,005 --> 00:26:26,971
You know why? 'Cause I'm an artist.
428
00:26:26,971 --> 00:26:29,805
And I've worked with all sorts,
got nothing against anybody.
429
00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:31,971
Trans, I'm sure there's trans people here.
430
00:26:31,971 --> 00:26:34,205
I got no beef with anybody.
431
00:26:34,205 --> 00:26:36,771
- I'm gonna accept everyone, right?
- [man whoops]
432
00:26:37,938 --> 00:26:40,205
That's right. If my father became a woman,
I'd accept it.
433
00:26:40,305 --> 00:26:42,638
I mean, to be perfectly honest...
434
00:26:43,771 --> 00:26:45,538
To be perfectly honest,
435
00:26:45,538 --> 00:26:48,138
in some situations
436
00:26:48,138 --> 00:26:52,005
I actually prefer trans women
437
00:26:53,138 --> 00:26:54,505
to original recipe.
438
00:26:57,905 --> 00:26:59,771
Like, when you're watching a game
439
00:26:59,771 --> 00:27:01,405
they could read defenses.
440
00:27:04,071 --> 00:27:06,738
"That's a Cover 2."
"Ooh, thanks, Peaches."
441
00:27:16,271 --> 00:27:18,671
No! [guffaws]
442
00:27:18,671 --> 00:27:22,138
No, no, no. Again,
if my father became a woman,
443
00:27:22,638 --> 00:27:24,171
I would accept it
444
00:27:24,905 --> 00:27:27,938
'cause I'm an artist
and I would accept it immediately.
445
00:27:28,438 --> 00:27:32,138
Now, my brothers drive trucks.
446
00:27:33,538 --> 00:27:36,638
So, their reaction might be
a little different than mine.
447
00:27:37,338 --> 00:27:40,138
Especially my older brother, Andre.
448
00:27:40,638 --> 00:27:44,005
He, you know,
drives an 18-wheeler, is a Raiders fan.
449
00:27:44,005 --> 00:27:46,205
He's one of them "argh" niggas, you know?
450
00:27:46,871 --> 00:27:50,238
If my father became a woman,
Andre would have a problem with it.
451
00:27:50,238 --> 00:27:52,671
That would be a very testy Christmas
452
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:54,305
to say the least.
453
00:27:54,305 --> 00:27:57,338
My brother Andre would be like,
"Man, fuck that shit, man!"
454
00:27:57,838 --> 00:27:59,571
"The fuck, you got the heels on?"
455
00:28:00,371 --> 00:28:03,871
"The fuck you doing? You don't gotta
wear a motherfucking heel."
456
00:28:03,871 --> 00:28:06,471
"Why the wig?
What that got to do with nothin'?"
457
00:28:06,471 --> 00:28:08,505
"What the hair got to do with nothin'?"
458
00:28:08,505 --> 00:28:10,405
"Nah, I ain't shaking your hand."
459
00:28:10,405 --> 00:28:13,305
"I don't want none
of that trans to rub off on me."
460
00:28:13,305 --> 00:28:15,871
"My kids here, nigga, my kids!"
461
00:28:15,871 --> 00:28:20,938
And then, I would have to step in
and be the voice of reason.
462
00:28:20,938 --> 00:28:23,171
I would have to check my brother.
463
00:28:23,171 --> 00:28:25,905
I would have to walk up
to him going, "Hey! Hey!"
464
00:28:25,905 --> 00:28:27,238
"Hey, nigga!"
465
00:28:27,838 --> 00:28:30,238
"She's your daddy!"
466
00:28:37,838 --> 00:28:40,005
[laughs]
467
00:28:41,405 --> 00:28:44,571
We gotta love everybody, man.
We gotta love all.
468
00:28:44,571 --> 00:28:48,005
America, America's in bad shape
right now, man.
469
00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:51,571
America's in horrible shape.
We got it worse than Ukraine.
470
00:28:52,438 --> 00:28:53,271
Yeah, I said it.
471
00:28:54,838 --> 00:28:58,371
You know why? 'Cause Ukraine is united
472
00:28:58,371 --> 00:29:01,705
and America is clearly divided.
473
00:29:02,438 --> 00:29:05,338
Okay? We are clearly divided.
474
00:29:06,938 --> 00:29:11,638
Our shit is so screwed up right now,
if the Russians came here right now,
475
00:29:11,638 --> 00:29:13,771
half the country would go,
476
00:29:13,771 --> 00:29:14,905
"Let's hear 'em out."
477
00:29:18,105 --> 00:29:20,038
We in a bad place, man.
478
00:29:20,038 --> 00:29:21,838
Republicans lie.
479
00:29:22,471 --> 00:29:24,038
Republicans lie.
480
00:29:24,705 --> 00:29:28,305
Biggest liars in the world.
Republicans lie,
481
00:29:28,305 --> 00:29:32,271
and Democrats leave out
key pieces of the truth...
482
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:35,638
[audience cheering and whistling]
483
00:29:35,638 --> 00:29:39,238
that would lead to
a more nuanced argument.
484
00:29:39,238 --> 00:29:41,371
The whole country is fucked up.
485
00:29:41,371 --> 00:29:43,605
School shootings every week.
486
00:29:44,105 --> 00:29:45,971
Fucking opioid epidemic.
487
00:29:45,971 --> 00:29:50,571
Abortion is illegal
in most of the country.
488
00:29:51,405 --> 00:29:53,605
In most of the country,
abortion's illegal.
489
00:29:54,505 --> 00:29:57,838
A lot of people say, "Chris,
you shouldn't talk about abortion."
490
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,238
"It's a women's issue."
491
00:30:00,038 --> 00:30:03,238
Say, "Chris!
You shouldn't talk about abortion."
492
00:30:03,738 --> 00:30:05,271
"It's a women's issue."
493
00:30:05,771 --> 00:30:06,838
And I'm like, "Hey."
494
00:30:07,338 --> 00:30:11,271
"I've paid for more abortions
than any woman in this room."
495
00:30:17,438 --> 00:30:19,505
Shit, when I go to the clinic, I say,
496
00:30:19,505 --> 00:30:20,671
"Gimme the usual."
497
00:30:25,638 --> 00:30:29,405
When I go in there,
they give me a punch card. "Here you go."
498
00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:32,505
Two more and I get a free smoothie.
499
00:30:34,971 --> 00:30:36,205
"Mango."
500
00:30:37,638 --> 00:30:39,638
That's right, pro-life, pro-choice.
501
00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:42,905
Pro-life, pro-choice,
what are you, what are you?
502
00:30:43,405 --> 00:30:47,371
I have two beautiful daughters.
I have two beautiful daughters, right?
503
00:30:48,605 --> 00:30:49,438
And...
504
00:30:51,438 --> 00:30:53,371
So, there's a part of me...
505
00:30:53,871 --> 00:30:55,138
There's a part of me
506
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:59,205
that's pro-life, okay?
507
00:30:59,205 --> 00:31:02,205
'Cause I'm definitely pro their lives.
508
00:31:03,671 --> 00:31:06,471
Okay? So, there's
a part of me that's pro-life.
509
00:31:06,971 --> 00:31:09,505
But since I love
my daughters unconditionally--
510
00:31:09,505 --> 00:31:13,171
I love them not just as little girls,
I love them as grown women.
511
00:31:13,671 --> 00:31:16,205
I want my daughters to live in a world
512
00:31:16,205 --> 00:31:20,205
where they have
complete control of their bodies, okay?
513
00:31:20,305 --> 00:31:22,205
- [audience cheering]
- Okay?
514
00:31:24,938 --> 00:31:26,138
And because of that,
515
00:31:27,171 --> 00:31:29,171
I am pro-choice.
516
00:31:29,171 --> 00:31:33,338
I am absolutely pro-choice, okay?
517
00:31:33,338 --> 00:31:37,705
I believe women
should have the right to kill babies.
518
00:31:37,705 --> 00:31:39,271
[scattered laughs]
519
00:31:43,205 --> 00:31:45,005
That's right. I'm on your side.
520
00:31:46,305 --> 00:31:51,305
I believe you should have the right
to kill as many babies as you want.
521
00:31:52,271 --> 00:31:54,338
Kill 'em all, I don't give a fuck.
522
00:31:55,638 --> 00:31:58,605
But let's not get it twisted,
it is killing a baby.
523
00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:02,105
'Cause whenever I pay for an abortion,
524
00:32:02,105 --> 00:32:03,905
I request a dead baby.
525
00:32:05,105 --> 00:32:08,171
Sometimes, I call up
the doctor like a hit man.
526
00:32:08,171 --> 00:32:09,071
"Is it done?"
527
00:32:11,605 --> 00:32:12,938
[laughs]
528
00:32:13,205 --> 00:32:16,838
And people argue
first trimester, second trimester.
529
00:32:16,838 --> 00:32:18,938
First trimester, second trimester.
530
00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:25,571
I think women should have the right
to kill a baby until it's four years old.
531
00:32:33,538 --> 00:32:36,871
That's right, fuck trimester. Semester.
532
00:32:41,038 --> 00:32:45,938
I think you should be able to kill a baby
till you get that first report card.
533
00:32:47,305 --> 00:32:50,505
[exclaims]
"He ain't never getting a scholarship."
534
00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:55,271
"Okay, you can finish
watching Stranger Things,
535
00:32:56,771 --> 00:32:58,971
but when it's over,
we going to the clinic."
536
00:33:00,638 --> 00:33:03,038
"Hurry up, I'm trying to get a smoothie."
537
00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:13,971
That's right. Pro-life, pro-choice.
I'm pro-choice. I'm pro-choice.
538
00:33:13,971 --> 00:33:17,871
I'm pro right choice. I'm pro good choice.
I'm pro practical choice.
539
00:33:18,505 --> 00:33:19,338
Like, ladies...
540
00:33:20,538 --> 00:33:21,605
Ladies, listen to me.
541
00:33:23,705 --> 00:33:27,105
If you have to pay
542
00:33:27,971 --> 00:33:30,671
for your own abortion,
543
00:33:32,105 --> 00:33:33,538
you should get an abortion.
544
00:33:43,371 --> 00:33:46,938
Stop letting broke dicks
cum inside of you.
545
00:33:52,805 --> 00:33:55,171
This has been
a public service announcement.
546
00:33:58,305 --> 00:33:59,605
I'm on your side!
547
00:34:00,105 --> 00:34:01,471
I'm on your side.
548
00:34:01,971 --> 00:34:06,538
Everybody cares about abortion,
trying to save these bad-ass kids.
549
00:34:08,171 --> 00:34:11,538
You know, whenever some kid
goes crazy at a school,
550
00:34:11,538 --> 00:34:15,305
they always say,
"No child... No child is born is racist."
551
00:34:15,805 --> 00:34:17,671
"No child is born hating."
552
00:34:18,171 --> 00:34:21,638
"You have to teach a child to hate.
All children are good."
553
00:34:22,405 --> 00:34:24,305
"All children are born pure."
554
00:34:24,805 --> 00:34:28,138
You know, only people without kids
say dumb shit like that.
555
00:34:29,571 --> 00:34:34,038
Kids are the meanest motherfuckers
on the face of the earth.
556
00:34:34,038 --> 00:34:38,538
They're the most racist,
sexist, homophobic, fat-a-phobic,
557
00:34:38,538 --> 00:34:43,838
will-say-anything-to-your-face
motherfuckers on Earth, okay?
558
00:34:47,171 --> 00:34:52,638
You realize human beings,
we have the worst offspring of any animal.
559
00:34:53,471 --> 00:34:56,671
We're the only animal
in the whole animal kingdom
560
00:34:56,671 --> 00:35:01,405
that has to raise its kids for 18 years.
561
00:35:02,638 --> 00:35:06,938
Eighteen years. Every other animal's
like two or three days.
562
00:35:09,871 --> 00:35:11,338
Like, birds are like,
563
00:35:11,338 --> 00:35:12,805
"I hope you can fly."
564
00:35:17,205 --> 00:35:20,938
[chuckles] Eighteen years!
And they still bad!
565
00:35:20,938 --> 00:35:22,771
And they still fuck up.
566
00:35:23,671 --> 00:35:26,771
"No, kids are born good."
Shut the fuck up, man.
567
00:35:26,771 --> 00:35:30,405
My oldest daughter, Lola,
used to bite kids.
568
00:35:31,471 --> 00:35:32,305
Bite 'em.
569
00:35:32,971 --> 00:35:34,905
That's right.
You'd be at a birthday party.
570
00:35:34,905 --> 00:35:36,938
"Happy birthday to..." [yelps in pain]
571
00:35:40,838 --> 00:35:43,271
You look around, Lola done bit somebody.
572
00:35:44,071 --> 00:35:47,171
Now, let me ask you something.
Do you think me and her mother
573
00:35:47,171 --> 00:35:48,605
taught her to bite?
574
00:35:50,105 --> 00:35:52,705
Do you think me and her mother
sharpened her teeth?
575
00:35:54,605 --> 00:35:57,305
Do you think we bought her
mannequins to practice on?
576
00:35:58,038 --> 00:36:00,205
No, that's just who the fuck she is.
577
00:36:01,538 --> 00:36:03,571
That's just her nature.
578
00:36:03,571 --> 00:36:06,038
She came out the womb like Wolverine.
579
00:36:07,771 --> 00:36:10,738
I love my kids. I love my kids,
but I don't like them.
580
00:36:12,071 --> 00:36:13,205
I don't like my kids.
581
00:36:13,205 --> 00:36:16,538
You know one reason I don't like my kids?
'Cause my kids are rich.
582
00:36:17,005 --> 00:36:19,271
My kids are rich and spoiled.
583
00:36:19,271 --> 00:36:21,405
I know some people are like,
"Chris, you're rich."
584
00:36:21,405 --> 00:36:22,838
Yeah, I'm rich.
585
00:36:22,838 --> 00:36:25,305
But I identify as poor.
586
00:36:25,671 --> 00:36:27,471
[audience laughing and applauding]
587
00:36:29,505 --> 00:36:30,638
[man] Whoo!
588
00:36:31,738 --> 00:36:34,638
That's right, my pronoun is broke.
589
00:36:36,805 --> 00:36:38,171
That's right, man.
590
00:36:38,171 --> 00:36:39,705
And my kids are spoiled.
591
00:36:39,705 --> 00:36:43,205
My kids are fucking spoiled and I did it.
592
00:36:43,205 --> 00:36:45,938
Me and their mother, but I fucking did it.
593
00:36:45,938 --> 00:36:48,638
A lot, a lot of Black people
get a little money, and they're like,
594
00:36:48,638 --> 00:36:51,405
"I want my kids to know
how it is in the hood." Not me.
595
00:36:52,705 --> 00:36:54,405
I want the exact opposite.
596
00:36:54,405 --> 00:36:57,405
I want my kids
to know shit about the hood.
597
00:36:57,405 --> 00:37:01,071
I want them to be lost
every time they're in a hood, okay?
598
00:37:01,071 --> 00:37:05,871
My kids went
to the best schools on Earth, okay?
599
00:37:05,871 --> 00:37:09,871
My kids speak multiple languages, okay?
600
00:37:10,405 --> 00:37:13,871
Sometimes they curse me out,
I don't even know what they talkin' about.
601
00:37:14,571 --> 00:37:19,571
My kids ski, they ride horses, they fence.
602
00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:22,671
I've got fencing Black girls,
603
00:37:24,571 --> 00:37:26,205
with afro puffs,
604
00:37:26,971 --> 00:37:29,071
talking about, "Touché, nigga."
605
00:37:31,505 --> 00:37:34,371
That's right. You can't fuck with
the Rock girls, boy.
606
00:37:34,371 --> 00:37:36,371
Them Rock girls are fucking spoiled.
607
00:37:37,071 --> 00:37:38,871
I remember my youngest, Zahra,
608
00:37:38,871 --> 00:37:41,705
when she was in kindergarten,
one day, the teacher said,
609
00:37:42,305 --> 00:37:45,738
"Today, we're gonna learn
about the four seasons."
610
00:37:45,738 --> 00:37:48,871
And Zahra said,
"That's my favorite hotel."
611
00:37:51,771 --> 00:37:54,005
[laughs]
612
00:37:54,005 --> 00:37:56,605
Yeah, you ain't never seen
Black girls like this.
613
00:37:57,338 --> 00:38:00,271
My kids are fucking spoiled.
614
00:38:00,271 --> 00:38:02,238
That's right. And I did it, man.
615
00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:04,838
When they were little kids,
I used to take them to Disney a lot.
616
00:38:04,838 --> 00:38:07,138
Used to take them to Disney
all the time, right?
617
00:38:07,138 --> 00:38:10,105
But I ain't take them
like normal people, no.
618
00:38:10,105 --> 00:38:13,005
That's right. We went
on the Illuminati package.
619
00:38:15,171 --> 00:38:17,605
We weren't out there
waiting to meet the characters,
620
00:38:17,605 --> 00:38:18,871
like everybody else.
621
00:38:18,871 --> 00:38:21,638
We were backstage
chilling with the characters.
622
00:38:22,371 --> 00:38:24,705
That's right. I smoked a joint with Goofy.
623
00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:30,238
Fucking Minnie gave me a lap dance.
624
00:38:31,438 --> 00:38:33,471
Rubbed that big rat ass on me.
625
00:38:36,905 --> 00:38:38,938
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
626
00:38:38,938 --> 00:38:39,971
That's right, man.
627
00:38:39,971 --> 00:38:42,638
My kids had it good.
Had it much better than me.
628
00:38:42,638 --> 00:38:45,938
'Cause when I was a kid,
we went to Disney.
629
00:38:45,938 --> 00:38:48,271
That's right.
Me, my mother, and my brothers,
630
00:38:48,271 --> 00:38:50,805
we went to Disney as poor people.
631
00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:53,371
On a church trip.
632
00:38:55,371 --> 00:38:57,471
[chuckling] Sad already, ain't it?
633
00:38:58,671 --> 00:39:01,171
On a church trip.
634
00:39:02,038 --> 00:39:06,905
New York to Orlando, in August,
635
00:39:07,405 --> 00:39:11,238
on a bus with no AC.
636
00:39:12,238 --> 00:39:15,405
It was so hot, I thought
we were going to see the Devil.
637
00:39:17,738 --> 00:39:20,205
Took us two days to get there,
638
00:39:20,205 --> 00:39:23,005
'cause the driver was selling
weed on the way.
639
00:39:25,138 --> 00:39:28,405
And when we finally got there,
we weren't really there,
640
00:39:28,405 --> 00:39:33,238
'cause Disney's in Orlando,
and our hotel was in Alabama.
641
00:39:38,805 --> 00:39:42,071
And we're staying in some nasty motel.
642
00:39:42,071 --> 00:39:45,805
It had a bed that vibrates
if you put a quarter in it.
643
00:39:45,805 --> 00:39:49,805
We're little kids. We don't know
this is a nasty, cummed-up mattress.
644
00:39:52,171 --> 00:39:55,571
And we're begging my mother,
"Mommy, can you put another quarter in?"
645
00:39:57,105 --> 00:40:01,638
And my mother's like, "I'm gonna put
a quarter in, but this counts as a ride."
646
00:40:02,805 --> 00:40:04,738
[chuckling] God damn.
647
00:40:05,571 --> 00:40:07,505
Best time of my life.
648
00:40:07,505 --> 00:40:10,671
Now, my kids, my kids,
yes, they're spoiled.
649
00:40:11,638 --> 00:40:12,605
Yes, they are spoiled,
650
00:40:12,605 --> 00:40:15,338
but they get in trouble
just like any other kids.
651
00:40:15,338 --> 00:40:16,738
So about three years ago,
652
00:40:16,738 --> 00:40:20,705
my oldest, Lola,
was a senior in high school, right?
653
00:40:20,705 --> 00:40:24,538
And they went on a class trip.
It was time for a class trip.
654
00:40:24,538 --> 00:40:27,205
Now, a fancy school has a fancy trip.
655
00:40:27,971 --> 00:40:31,405
So their class trip was to Portugal.
656
00:40:33,038 --> 00:40:35,405
Ain't that some shit? Portugal.
657
00:40:35,405 --> 00:40:37,971
When I was a kid,
we went to the Bronx Zoo.
658
00:40:39,905 --> 00:40:41,738
Watched a gorilla jerk off.
659
00:40:44,205 --> 00:40:46,205
And then had to write a report about it.
660
00:40:48,105 --> 00:40:49,771
"He held it tightly."
661
00:40:52,171 --> 00:40:54,471
So Lola goes on the class trip,
662
00:40:54,471 --> 00:40:58,971
and she's in Portugal,
doing whatever Portuguese shit they do.
663
00:40:59,705 --> 00:41:03,738
And one day, Lola,
and four of her little white girl friends
664
00:41:03,738 --> 00:41:07,938
decide that they're bored
and they're gonna leave the class.
665
00:41:08,571 --> 00:41:12,605
They're gonna sneak away,
go to a bar, and get drunk.
666
00:41:13,538 --> 00:41:16,071
And then they tried to sneak back in.
667
00:41:16,705 --> 00:41:19,971
But of course, they got busted.
Of course, they got busted.
668
00:41:20,938 --> 00:41:23,471
Now, these crazy, rich, white schools,
669
00:41:23,471 --> 00:41:25,171
they don't play that shit.
670
00:41:25,905 --> 00:41:29,005
You get busted sneaking out drinking,
they're like, "You are kicked out."
671
00:41:29,771 --> 00:41:30,771
But...
672
00:41:31,705 --> 00:41:34,171
But, this school, of course,
673
00:41:34,171 --> 00:41:38,638
these crazy white schools
got rich-ass white parents.
674
00:41:38,638 --> 00:41:42,905
And rich-ass white parents do not let
their kids get kicked out of school.
675
00:41:43,605 --> 00:41:47,138
So all these rich-ass parents,
they've all got lawyers.
676
00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:50,671
Even the ones
that were lawyers, got lawyers.
677
00:41:52,405 --> 00:41:54,038
Okay? And they got them good lawyers.
678
00:41:54,038 --> 00:41:56,771
They got those NFL rape lawyers.
679
00:42:00,238 --> 00:42:01,538
Like, I'm not advocating rape.
680
00:42:01,538 --> 00:42:04,805
But if you're ever on trial,
that's who you want, okay?
681
00:42:04,805 --> 00:42:07,305
Either that, or Robert Kardashian, right?
682
00:42:08,671 --> 00:42:10,771
And they got the good lawyers, right?
683
00:42:10,771 --> 00:42:12,271
I didn't want a lawyer at first.
684
00:42:12,271 --> 00:42:15,638
I didn't want to get a lawyer
because I was mad at my child.
685
00:42:15,638 --> 00:42:18,771
I was mad. I was like,
"Lola, what the fuck is going on?"
686
00:42:18,771 --> 00:42:20,805
"First, you're biting. Now, this shit?"
687
00:42:22,838 --> 00:42:24,271
And I tried to talk to my ex-wife.
688
00:42:24,271 --> 00:42:26,971
I was like, "Let's wait
before we get a lawyer."
689
00:42:26,971 --> 00:42:29,771
"Let's see how this turns out.
Let's see how it unfolds."
690
00:42:29,771 --> 00:42:31,305
My ex-wife's like, "No, fuck that."
691
00:42:31,305 --> 00:42:33,838
"We're getting a lawyer,
and we're gonna sue this school."
692
00:42:33,838 --> 00:42:36,505
"We're gonna sue this dean.
We're gonna sue these teachers."
693
00:42:36,505 --> 00:42:38,771
"I can't even believe
they let her out of their sight."
694
00:42:38,771 --> 00:42:40,438
"We are suing these people."
695
00:42:40,438 --> 00:42:42,938
And I started to argue with her,
696
00:42:42,938 --> 00:42:46,871
but the last time I argued
with my ex-wife about a lawyer,
697
00:42:46,871 --> 00:42:48,271
I lost my house.
698
00:42:51,405 --> 00:42:53,138
So we got a lawyer. We got a lawyer.
699
00:42:53,771 --> 00:42:55,471
And I'm talking to the lawyer,
700
00:42:55,471 --> 00:42:58,405
and the lawyer's like,
"Okay, okay, I talked to some people."
701
00:42:58,405 --> 00:43:00,371
"And if you give me ten days,
702
00:43:00,371 --> 00:43:02,805
I should be able
to get her back in the school."
703
00:43:03,305 --> 00:43:05,271
So Lola's home for ten days.
704
00:43:05,271 --> 00:43:11,571
One day, I come home from work
and I see Lola outside just laughing
705
00:43:11,571 --> 00:43:15,038
with, like, three of her little
white girl friends, just laughing.
706
00:43:15,838 --> 00:43:20,305
You ever just want
to choke your child for smiling?
707
00:43:20,305 --> 00:43:23,538
Like, motherfucker,
what are you smiling about right now?
708
00:43:23,538 --> 00:43:26,271
So I walk over to Lola.
I'm like, "Lola, what's so funny?"
709
00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:27,738
"What is so funny?"
710
00:43:27,738 --> 00:43:29,871
And Lola's like, "Daddy, stop it!"
711
00:43:29,871 --> 00:43:33,105
"You're so serious.
I'll be back in school in no time."
712
00:43:33,605 --> 00:43:36,238
And I'm like,
"Look at this smug motherfucker."
713
00:43:37,105 --> 00:43:39,671
And at that moment, I kind of snapped.
714
00:43:39,671 --> 00:43:41,605
And I got back in the car.
715
00:43:41,605 --> 00:43:45,305
I got back in the fucking car
and I drove to the school.
716
00:43:45,305 --> 00:43:47,038
I drove to the school and found the dean.
717
00:43:47,038 --> 00:43:49,438
I was like, "Hey, we need to talk."
718
00:43:50,271 --> 00:43:51,971
"I know
you're going through it right now."
719
00:43:51,971 --> 00:43:54,605
"I know you've got
a lot of parents trying to sue you,
720
00:43:54,605 --> 00:43:58,938
and trying to sue the school,
and trying to get you fired,
721
00:43:58,938 --> 00:44:00,271
but I need a favor."
722
00:44:01,271 --> 00:44:05,638
"I need you to kick
my daughter out of this school."
723
00:44:07,338 --> 00:44:12,305
"I need you to kick
her Black ass out of this school."
724
00:44:12,305 --> 00:44:17,971
"I need my Black child
to learn her lesson right now,
725
00:44:17,971 --> 00:44:21,238
before she ends up
on OnlyFans or some shit."
726
00:44:22,238 --> 00:44:26,638
"Please kick my child
out of fucking school."
727
00:44:26,638 --> 00:44:27,705
And they kicked her out.
728
00:44:27,705 --> 00:44:31,538
They kicked them all out,
but they kicked my child out first,
729
00:44:31,538 --> 00:44:33,538
okay? 'Cause I'm a celebrity.
730
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,671
And I went home,
731
00:44:36,671 --> 00:44:39,205
act like I didn't know
what was about to happen.
732
00:44:40,005 --> 00:44:42,371
The phone rang. I was like,
"Lola, you should get that."
733
00:44:45,638 --> 00:44:48,105
I act like I didn't know shit.
734
00:44:48,105 --> 00:44:51,405
And Lola got the phone
and they gave her the news.
735
00:44:51,405 --> 00:44:53,705
And then Lola comes in all sad.
736
00:44:53,705 --> 00:44:56,038
[crying] "Daddy,
they kicked me out of school."
737
00:44:56,038 --> 00:44:59,205
And I was like, "I told you
them crackers are mean, Lola."
738
00:45:00,605 --> 00:45:02,671
"I told you about them crackers."
739
00:45:02,671 --> 00:45:04,271
And to this day,
740
00:45:04,271 --> 00:45:07,805
Lola has no idea
I had anything to do with that shit.
741
00:45:07,805 --> 00:45:11,038
And her mother has no idea
I had anything to do with that shit.
742
00:45:11,038 --> 00:45:13,038
And the lawyer has no idea.
743
00:45:13,038 --> 00:45:17,305
And they won't find out
till they see this shit on Netflix.
744
00:45:17,305 --> 00:45:19,538
[audience cheering]
745
00:45:26,971 --> 00:45:28,271
Here's the amazing thing.
746
00:45:28,271 --> 00:45:31,138
Here's a beautiful thing that happened.
Here's a beautiful thing...
747
00:45:31,138 --> 00:45:32,405
It worked.
748
00:45:33,138 --> 00:45:36,405
The whole thing humbled Lola, my God,
749
00:45:36,405 --> 00:45:38,538
'cause Lola got kicked
out of school for real.
750
00:45:38,538 --> 00:45:40,838
So she had to apply
to another high school,
751
00:45:40,838 --> 00:45:44,805
and she had to write essays
explaining why she got kicked out,
752
00:45:44,805 --> 00:45:46,738
and why it would never happen again.
753
00:45:46,738 --> 00:45:49,338
And when it was time
for her to apply for college,
754
00:45:49,338 --> 00:45:53,538
she had to write why she got kicked out,
and why it would never happen again.
755
00:45:53,538 --> 00:45:56,138
And now, three years later,
756
00:45:56,138 --> 00:45:59,738
my daughter, Lola, is one
of the coolest people I have ever met.
757
00:45:59,738 --> 00:46:01,871
- She is so amazing.
- [audience applauding]
758
00:46:02,471 --> 00:46:04,671
Lola Rock is amazing.
759
00:46:05,838 --> 00:46:11,538
My daughter, Lola,
goes to culinary school in Paris.
760
00:46:12,971 --> 00:46:13,871
Yeah.
761
00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:17,738
Culinary school. Touché, nigga, touché.
762
00:46:19,605 --> 00:46:23,105
Culinary school in Paris.
763
00:46:23,105 --> 00:46:25,638
That's right.
My greatest achievement, man.
764
00:46:25,638 --> 00:46:29,738
I mean, let's just think about it.
Let's just think about it for a second.
765
00:46:29,738 --> 00:46:35,138
My mother was born in 1945.
766
00:46:35,138 --> 00:46:37,638
My mother was born
in 1945, in a little town
767
00:46:37,638 --> 00:46:40,071
called Georgetown, South Carolina, right?
768
00:46:40,071 --> 00:46:41,971
And my mother told me
769
00:46:41,971 --> 00:46:45,938
when she was a little girl,
it was against the law
770
00:46:45,938 --> 00:46:50,205
for a Black person
to go to a white dentist.
771
00:46:50,905 --> 00:46:54,571
Against the law for a Black person
to go to a white dentist, right?
772
00:46:54,571 --> 00:46:58,005
And if you were a little child
and you needed your teeth taken out,
773
00:46:58,005 --> 00:47:00,438
like all children do,
774
00:47:00,438 --> 00:47:01,771
if you're a little Black child
775
00:47:01,771 --> 00:47:06,671
and you needed your teeth taken out,
and you couldn't find a Black dentist,
776
00:47:06,671 --> 00:47:09,471
you had to go to a vet.
777
00:47:10,805 --> 00:47:14,571
Yeah, motherfucker. A vet in America.
778
00:47:14,571 --> 00:47:17,905
I'm talking about my mother.
I'm not talking about Harriet Tubman.
779
00:47:17,905 --> 00:47:22,105
I'm talking about my mother.
Shit, she's sitting over there, okay?
780
00:47:22,105 --> 00:47:25,971
- [audience cheering]
- My mother went to a vet, okay?
781
00:47:27,205 --> 00:47:28,405
Went to a vet.
782
00:47:28,405 --> 00:47:30,405
And think about it.
783
00:47:30,405 --> 00:47:32,405
The same woman that had to go through
784
00:47:32,405 --> 00:47:37,438
the indignity of getting
her teeth taken out by a fucking vet,
785
00:47:37,438 --> 00:47:41,771
the same woman now, twice a year,
786
00:47:41,771 --> 00:47:48,571
gets on a plane, flies to Paris,
and has coffee with her granddaughter,
787
00:47:48,571 --> 00:47:51,071
who is going to culinary school.
788
00:47:52,005 --> 00:47:54,805
Touché, nigga, touché.
789
00:47:56,238 --> 00:47:57,205
Okay?
790
00:47:58,005 --> 00:47:59,938
And Lola, and my mother,
791
00:47:59,938 --> 00:48:03,438
my mother sits her down
and tells her about her life,
792
00:48:03,438 --> 00:48:04,971
and then Lola bites her.
793
00:48:08,138 --> 00:48:09,171
Yes.
794
00:48:10,271 --> 00:48:11,705
Touché, nigga, touché.
795
00:48:12,505 --> 00:48:13,705
Oh, my life is good.
796
00:48:13,705 --> 00:48:17,238
I cannot complain, man. Cannot complain.
797
00:48:17,238 --> 00:48:20,605
You know, I got some bullshit going on,
but it's going good.
798
00:48:20,605 --> 00:48:21,605
I'm single.
799
00:48:22,405 --> 00:48:23,238
I'm single.
800
00:48:23,971 --> 00:48:25,438
Have been single a long time.
801
00:48:25,438 --> 00:48:27,071
I was married for a long time,
802
00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:29,438
you know,
I was dating somebody for a while.
803
00:48:29,438 --> 00:48:31,771
Now I'm single and here's the crazy thing.
804
00:48:31,771 --> 00:48:34,038
You don't even realize
805
00:48:34,571 --> 00:48:37,738
all the amazing little things
a woman does for you
806
00:48:38,371 --> 00:48:39,605
'til you don't have one.
807
00:48:41,571 --> 00:48:42,738
You don't even realize 'em.
808
00:48:42,738 --> 00:48:46,638
Women do so many things
that you don't even realize.
809
00:48:46,638 --> 00:48:48,738
Like the other night,
I'm trying to get some sleep
810
00:48:48,738 --> 00:48:52,238
trying to sleep, couldn't sleep,
trying to sleep, couldn't sleep.
811
00:48:52,938 --> 00:48:54,671
And suddenly it dawned on me, I was like,
812
00:48:55,971 --> 00:48:57,671
"This pillowcase is filthy."
813
00:49:04,105 --> 00:49:06,005
"Are we supposed to change these?"
814
00:49:08,171 --> 00:49:11,105
I flipped it over it was black and greasy.
815
00:49:11,705 --> 00:49:14,571
I was like, "Did Draymond Green
sleep on this part of the bed?"
816
00:49:15,871 --> 00:49:18,171
- That shit was black, man.
- Yeah.
817
00:49:18,171 --> 00:49:19,371
Try to date.
818
00:49:19,371 --> 00:49:21,705
Trying to fucking date is hard.
819
00:49:21,705 --> 00:49:26,038
'Cause on one hand, you know,
I'm loving, I want a real relationship.
820
00:49:26,638 --> 00:49:28,271
"I want a Sunday kind of love."
821
00:49:29,371 --> 00:49:31,605
And the other time,
on the other hand, I'm just a ho.
822
00:49:32,871 --> 00:49:35,071
I'm just bad.
I'm like, "Ah, fuck all this shit."
823
00:49:35,905 --> 00:49:37,638
Like I'm all fucked up, we all got that.
824
00:49:37,638 --> 00:49:40,138
Like, ladies, I will lick your ass
825
00:49:41,638 --> 00:49:43,405
and never call you again.
826
00:49:46,005 --> 00:49:49,071
But if we hold hands, you my girl.
827
00:49:51,671 --> 00:49:52,738
Why is that?
828
00:49:52,738 --> 00:49:57,671
Why is holding hands
more intimate than licking ass?
829
00:49:58,571 --> 00:49:59,938
That don't make no sense.
830
00:50:01,105 --> 00:50:04,005
I'm doing the Netflix special tonight,
I'm making a ton of money,
831
00:50:04,005 --> 00:50:05,871
I might lick somebody's ass tonight.
832
00:50:06,905 --> 00:50:09,438
But I know, I ain't holding nobody's hand.
833
00:50:12,005 --> 00:50:14,238
I know that shit. [laughs]
834
00:50:14,238 --> 00:50:18,305
I can't tell you every woman I fucked,
but I know every hand I ever held.
835
00:50:20,771 --> 00:50:22,971
I'm trying to date, trying to date.
836
00:50:22,971 --> 00:50:24,905
Trying to date women my age,
837
00:50:25,571 --> 00:50:29,138
which is 10 to 15 years younger than me.
838
00:50:31,538 --> 00:50:34,671
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
839
00:50:35,271 --> 00:50:36,171
You're right.
840
00:50:36,171 --> 00:50:40,638
I didn't get rich and stay in shape
to talk about Anita Baker.
841
00:50:42,871 --> 00:50:46,605
[laughs]
842
00:50:46,605 --> 00:50:48,471
I'm trying to fuck Doja Cat.
843
00:50:54,305 --> 00:50:57,438
[guffaws]
844
00:50:57,438 --> 00:50:59,305
Yeah, nigga, yeah.
845
00:51:00,338 --> 00:51:02,505
No, man, a lot of people think
846
00:51:03,071 --> 00:51:05,305
men date younger women
'cause they're younger.
847
00:51:05,305 --> 00:51:07,105
No, not at all.
848
00:51:07,105 --> 00:51:09,805
Men do not date younger women
'cause they're younger.
849
00:51:10,471 --> 00:51:11,938
Men date younger women
850
00:51:13,071 --> 00:51:15,771
'cause they're less expensive to date.
851
00:51:17,171 --> 00:51:19,305
That is what it all boils down to.
852
00:51:19,305 --> 00:51:23,905
See, you go out with a 25-year-old,
she just wants a pair of shoes.
853
00:51:24,305 --> 00:51:27,071
[imitating a woman] "I saw these shoes.
Can I get these shoes?"
854
00:51:27,071 --> 00:51:29,705
"I saw these shoes.
Can I get these shoes?"
855
00:51:29,705 --> 00:51:32,938
"I really like these shoes.
Can I get these shoes?"
856
00:51:32,938 --> 00:51:34,505
"Can I send you the link?"
857
00:51:35,971 --> 00:51:37,338
"Can I send you the link?"
858
00:51:37,338 --> 00:51:40,905
"I want to get these shoes.
Can I get these shoes?"
859
00:51:40,905 --> 00:51:42,338
"You can Venmo me."
860
00:51:43,138 --> 00:51:45,605
"That's the app
I put on your phone three weeks ago."
861
00:51:46,338 --> 00:51:47,738
"Can I get these shoes?"
862
00:51:48,305 --> 00:51:49,971
[normal voice] And if you're lucky,
863
00:51:49,971 --> 00:51:52,671
your 25-year-old
will model those shoes for you.
864
00:51:52,671 --> 00:51:54,705
That's right.
You go, "Fuck it. Get your shoes."
865
00:51:55,271 --> 00:51:57,771
And if you're lucky,
she will model them for you naked.
866
00:51:58,638 --> 00:52:01,371
She's like, "You like your shoes, Daddy?"
"You like your shoes?"
867
00:52:01,371 --> 00:52:04,671
[imitating a woman] "You like your shoes,
Daddy?" "You like your shoes?"
868
00:52:04,671 --> 00:52:06,538
[normal voice] And everybody's happy
869
00:52:07,405 --> 00:52:09,705
for the price of a pair of shoes.
870
00:52:10,671 --> 00:52:13,338
That's what it's like
to date a 25 year old.
871
00:52:14,071 --> 00:52:16,138
You go out with a 45, 50?
872
00:52:16,805 --> 00:52:18,605
They want more than shoes.
873
00:52:20,771 --> 00:52:24,305
[chuckles] You go out
with a 45, 50-year-old, she's like,
874
00:52:25,338 --> 00:52:27,438
"Can you help me fix my roof?"
875
00:52:28,005 --> 00:52:29,538
[audience laughs]
876
00:52:33,905 --> 00:52:34,971
Goddamn.
877
00:52:36,071 --> 00:52:37,771
That ain't sexy at all.
878
00:52:39,571 --> 00:52:42,005
What, I got to get estimates
for this pussy?
879
00:52:45,171 --> 00:52:50,205
I got to see contractors
for this pussy, goddamn. [laughs]
880
00:52:50,205 --> 00:52:54,371
You go out with a 45, 50-year-old,
they got a house that's falling apart.
881
00:52:55,038 --> 00:52:56,938
They're like,
"You know anybody with a snake?"
882
00:52:58,805 --> 00:52:59,671
A snake?
883
00:53:00,305 --> 00:53:02,205
You don't want my dick to ever get hard.
884
00:53:05,438 --> 00:53:07,338
You go out with a 45, 50-year-old,
885
00:53:07,338 --> 00:53:09,538
they always got a car
that's falling apart.
886
00:53:10,305 --> 00:53:11,671
Car's a piece of shit.
887
00:53:12,438 --> 00:53:16,305
They always got
the worst version of a good car.
888
00:53:18,405 --> 00:53:19,705
The car got a good name,
889
00:53:19,705 --> 00:53:23,171
but they got the worst version
they ever made.
890
00:53:23,171 --> 00:53:25,438
Like a Mercedes 308.
891
00:53:27,205 --> 00:53:28,871
What the fuck's a 308?
892
00:53:29,538 --> 00:53:32,071
Four-cylinder
and you roll the window down?
893
00:53:33,038 --> 00:53:34,571
Who sold you this shit?
894
00:53:36,038 --> 00:53:38,338
They got a Tesla that takes gas.
895
00:53:41,805 --> 00:53:44,171
You're like, "Who sold you this shit?"
896
00:53:45,038 --> 00:53:46,405
What the fuck?
897
00:53:47,205 --> 00:53:49,271
God, man, but the pussy good.
898
00:53:49,271 --> 00:53:52,705
The pussy,
that 45, 50-year-old pussy, it's good.
899
00:53:53,305 --> 00:53:54,838
That's right, it simmered longer.
900
00:53:55,838 --> 00:53:58,471
It's been on the pot a little longer.
901
00:53:59,338 --> 00:54:03,038
That's right, that 45, 50-year-old pussy
is like spaghetti.
902
00:54:04,705 --> 00:54:06,471
It's better the next day.
903
00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:11,971
It really is, really is. Whoo!
904
00:54:11,971 --> 00:54:13,938
It really fucking is.
905
00:54:14,638 --> 00:54:18,138
And they always got a fucked up car
then you get that good pussy.
906
00:54:18,138 --> 00:54:20,438
You get that good 45, 50-year-old pussy
907
00:54:20,438 --> 00:54:22,705
you think you leaving the house,
"Okay, see you later."
908
00:54:22,705 --> 00:54:26,071
And then she's like,
"No, no, no, no, no. I need a favor."
909
00:54:27,671 --> 00:54:31,038
"Can you come with me to the mechanic
to pick up my car?"
910
00:54:32,005 --> 00:54:34,871
"I need you to come 'cause if I go alone
they're gonna take advantage."
911
00:54:36,871 --> 00:54:39,405
So now you gotta go with her
to pick up her car.
912
00:54:39,705 --> 00:54:41,738
You don't even know
what's wrong with the car.
913
00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:43,838
But you gotta go.
914
00:54:44,505 --> 00:54:48,871
And you just standing there
like some sort of sexual scarecrow.
915
00:54:50,971 --> 00:54:54,871
- [chuckling]
- [man whoops]
916
00:54:54,871 --> 00:54:59,771
And the mechanic's like, "That's $500,"
and you're like... [screeches]
917
00:55:05,238 --> 00:55:08,238
And then the mechanic says, "Okay, $450."
918
00:55:09,471 --> 00:55:12,871
And then she goes, "I only got $35."
919
00:55:14,371 --> 00:55:16,871
Bitch, you fucking played me!
920
00:55:17,571 --> 00:55:19,105
I just got your roof fixed.
921
00:55:22,005 --> 00:55:25,105
They say women have all,
they say men have all the power.
922
00:55:25,105 --> 00:55:26,871
They say men have all the power.
923
00:55:27,438 --> 00:55:30,438
But we don't. We don't have all the power.
924
00:55:30,438 --> 00:55:32,438
Women have the power.
925
00:55:33,105 --> 00:55:35,671
- You got all the fucking power.
- [scattered applause]
926
00:55:35,671 --> 00:55:36,671
That's right.
927
00:55:36,671 --> 00:55:41,371
'Cause there's nothing more powerful
than female beauty.
928
00:55:42,105 --> 00:55:44,405
Nothing more powerful, that's right.
929
00:55:44,938 --> 00:55:47,538
A beautiful woman can stop traffic.
930
00:55:48,371 --> 00:55:51,538
There is nothing about a man
that can stop traffic.
931
00:55:53,305 --> 00:55:54,205
Now, that's right.
932
00:55:54,205 --> 00:55:58,471
You could be a dead man on a highway
with your dick out
933
00:55:59,738 --> 00:56:02,205
and they will drive around your dead ass.
934
00:56:04,171 --> 00:56:06,905
There's nothing [chuckling]
935
00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:10,671
more powerful than female beauty.
936
00:56:10,671 --> 00:56:13,571
You call it female beauty,
you can call it pussy.
937
00:56:14,471 --> 00:56:16,071
Call it whatever you want, man.
938
00:56:16,071 --> 00:56:18,538
Shit, I've been working,
939
00:56:18,538 --> 00:56:21,438
I've been working
since I was seven years old.
940
00:56:21,438 --> 00:56:23,338
Been working for almost 50 years.
941
00:56:23,871 --> 00:56:26,671
Seven years old!
I used to sweep up at a supermarket.
942
00:56:27,238 --> 00:56:29,505
I've been working
since I was seven years old.
943
00:56:30,305 --> 00:56:34,238
And I have made millions of dollars, okay?
944
00:56:35,205 --> 00:56:38,871
And every dime I have ever made
945
00:56:39,838 --> 00:56:43,205
I have spent it on pussy.
946
00:56:45,605 --> 00:56:47,938
Every fucking cent!
947
00:56:47,938 --> 00:56:51,038
Either pussy or pussy adjacent.
948
00:56:52,571 --> 00:56:54,838
Every fucking dime.
949
00:56:54,838 --> 00:56:57,405
Getting the pussy hair done,
950
00:56:57,405 --> 00:56:59,538
getting the pussy taxes done,
951
00:56:59,538 --> 00:57:01,871
getting the pussy's son into camp,
952
00:57:01,871 --> 00:57:03,805
getting the pussy's tooth fixed,
953
00:57:04,305 --> 00:57:06,805
getting the pussy's driveway done,
954
00:57:06,805 --> 00:57:09,738
getting the pussy's mama
some life insurance,
955
00:57:09,738 --> 00:57:12,271
getting the pussy bunion surgery.
956
00:57:12,871 --> 00:57:17,105
I've paid more college loans off
than Joe Biden.
957
00:57:23,838 --> 00:57:25,005
Motherfucker.
958
00:57:26,538 --> 00:57:28,205
Spent all my money on pussy.
959
00:57:28,205 --> 00:57:31,571
And if I had a chance to do it again
I'd spend it on pussy again.
960
00:57:33,471 --> 00:57:37,671
They say men have all the advantages.
No, we don't.
961
00:57:38,338 --> 00:57:41,605
That's right, man.
Women you got all the advantages.
962
00:57:41,605 --> 00:57:46,138
You ever notice how you can tell
what kind of neighborhood you in?
963
00:57:47,338 --> 00:57:49,905
Just by who's not working?
964
00:57:52,738 --> 00:57:55,838
Think about it for one sec, you can tell
what kind of neighborhood you in
965
00:57:55,838 --> 00:57:58,505
just by who's not working.
966
00:57:58,505 --> 00:58:01,305
If you're in any neighborhood in America,
967
00:58:01,305 --> 00:58:05,938
at 12:15 in the afternoon on a Wednesday,
968
00:58:05,938 --> 00:58:12,205
and you see women with sweatpants on
coming out the gym,
969
00:58:12,205 --> 00:58:15,405
pushing babies, riding bikes.
970
00:58:15,405 --> 00:58:19,371
That's right, having brunch,
going to SoulCycle.
971
00:58:21,138 --> 00:58:23,771
Chances are you're in a nice neighborhood.
972
00:58:24,705 --> 00:58:26,771
There's probably a Whole Foods nearby.
973
00:58:28,105 --> 00:58:33,071
That's right, wherever women ain't working
is an amazing place to live.
974
00:58:33,071 --> 00:58:34,371
That's where I want to live.
975
00:58:34,371 --> 00:58:38,538
I want to live in a place
where women are voluntarily not working.
976
00:58:39,138 --> 00:58:41,805
That is where I want to live.
Now, let's switch it up.
977
00:58:42,738 --> 00:58:45,971
If you're in any neighborhood in America,
978
00:58:45,971 --> 00:58:49,738
at 12:15 in the afternoon on a Wednesday,
979
00:58:49,738 --> 00:58:51,238
and you see men
980
00:58:52,605 --> 00:58:54,005
in sweatpants,
981
00:58:55,138 --> 00:58:56,605
smoking cigarettes,
982
00:58:57,171 --> 00:58:59,171
hanging with their boys,
983
00:58:59,171 --> 00:59:01,671
lifting weights in the yard,
984
00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:05,071
riding children's bicycles,
985
00:59:06,071 --> 00:59:08,571
as their actual transportation,
986
00:59:09,305 --> 00:59:11,438
then you are in danger.
987
00:59:15,638 --> 00:59:20,305
Wherever men don't work
is fucking dangerous, that's right.
988
00:59:20,838 --> 00:59:23,871
That's right, that's right,
women have all the power, shit.
989
00:59:23,871 --> 00:59:26,638
My ex-wife is the smartest woman I know.
990
00:59:27,471 --> 00:59:29,505
She got just as much money as me
991
00:59:30,138 --> 00:59:31,871
ain't funny at all.
992
00:59:35,638 --> 00:59:38,371
- [man whoops]
- [Chris Rock laughs]
993
00:59:38,371 --> 00:59:40,205
God bless her. God bless her.
994
00:59:40,205 --> 00:59:44,471
Nothing more powerful
than female beauty. Nothing.
995
00:59:44,471 --> 00:59:46,505
Just look at Beyoncé.
996
00:59:47,738 --> 00:59:50,238
Whoo! Can't wait for that tour.
997
00:59:51,371 --> 00:59:53,771
That's right, man, Beyoncé.
Now I know she talented.
998
00:59:53,771 --> 00:59:57,438
She is so talented, man.
She's extremely talented.
999
00:59:57,971 --> 00:59:59,938
But even with all that talent
1000
01:00:00,905 --> 01:00:03,338
ain't nothing more powerful
than the beauty.
1001
01:00:04,305 --> 01:00:06,738
Beyoncé is one of the finest motherfuckers
1002
01:00:07,371 --> 01:00:08,605
I have ever seen.
1003
01:00:09,971 --> 01:00:13,438
Beyoncé is fine, motherfucker. Shit.
1004
01:00:13,438 --> 01:00:15,338
Beyoncé is so fine
1005
01:00:16,571 --> 01:00:18,905
that if she worked at Burger King
1006
01:00:20,538 --> 01:00:22,538
she could still marry Jay-Z.
1007
01:00:25,338 --> 01:00:26,805
[chuckling] That's how fine she is.
1008
01:00:26,805 --> 01:00:28,371
She could still get her
1009
01:00:28,371 --> 01:00:31,938
a billionaire, great, rapping,
fucking businessman.
1010
01:00:31,938 --> 01:00:36,571
She is so fine that if she worked
at Burger King,
1011
01:00:36,571 --> 01:00:38,738
she could still marry Jay-Z.
1012
01:00:40,005 --> 01:00:43,371
Now if Jay-Z worked at Burger King...
1013
01:00:43,371 --> 01:00:46,638
[audience laughs]
1014
01:00:48,105 --> 01:00:50,305
No, no, no, women got the power.
1015
01:00:50,305 --> 01:00:53,238
By the way, that is not a Jay-Z diss.
1016
01:00:53,838 --> 01:00:57,105
I do not need another rapper
mad at me, okay?
1017
01:00:58,038 --> 01:00:59,105
I don't need it.
1018
01:01:00,238 --> 01:01:02,205
I don't need that smoke. [chuckles]
1019
01:01:02,205 --> 01:01:04,371
I'm, like, The Rock. The Rock.
1020
01:01:04,371 --> 01:01:07,805
I do not need the smoke.
Y'all know what happened to me.
1021
01:01:07,905 --> 01:01:10,105
Getting smacked by Suge Smith.
1022
01:01:13,938 --> 01:01:15,805
Everybody knows.
1023
01:01:15,905 --> 01:01:18,571
Everybody fucking knows.
1024
01:01:18,571 --> 01:01:22,738
Yes! It happened.
I got smacked like a year ago,
1025
01:01:22,738 --> 01:01:24,638
fucking last week, I got smacked
1026
01:01:24,638 --> 01:01:27,271
at the fucking Oscars
by this motherfucker.
1027
01:01:27,371 --> 01:01:29,038
And people like, "Did it hurt?"
1028
01:01:29,038 --> 01:01:30,438
It still hurts.
1029
01:01:32,305 --> 01:01:34,538
I got "Summertime" ringing in my ear.
1030
01:01:39,771 --> 01:01:42,238
Fucking drums, please.
1031
01:01:44,005 --> 01:01:45,505
But I'm not a victim, baby.
1032
01:01:45,505 --> 01:01:49,338
You will never see me
on Oprah or Gayle crying.
1033
01:01:50,905 --> 01:01:52,171
You will never see it.
1034
01:01:53,205 --> 01:01:54,905
Never gonna happen.
1035
01:01:54,905 --> 01:01:58,338
[whimpering] I couldn't believe it
and I love Men in Black.
1036
01:01:58,338 --> 01:01:59,238
[normal voice] No.
1037
01:02:00,071 --> 01:02:03,838
It's never gonna happen. No.
1038
01:02:03,838 --> 01:02:07,138
Fuck that shit. I took that hit
like Pacquiao, motherfucker.
1039
01:02:07,138 --> 01:02:09,205
[audience cheering]
1040
01:02:11,138 --> 01:02:15,871
I took it
like motherfucking Pacquiao, okay?
1041
01:02:15,871 --> 01:02:17,605
Shit, man.
1042
01:02:17,605 --> 01:02:18,671
Did it hurt?
1043
01:02:18,671 --> 01:02:20,571
Yeah, it motherfucking hurt.
1044
01:02:20,671 --> 01:02:23,271
People are all, "You guys
are fighting all the time."
1045
01:02:23,271 --> 01:02:26,505
We're not fighting. First of all,
I know you can't tell on camera.
1046
01:02:26,505 --> 01:02:29,638
Will Smith is
significantly bigger than me.
1047
01:02:30,405 --> 01:02:33,338
We're not the same size, okay?
1048
01:02:33,338 --> 01:02:34,705
We're not.
1049
01:02:34,705 --> 01:02:37,738
This guy mostly does movies
with his shirt off.
1050
01:02:38,438 --> 01:02:41,405
You've never seen me
do a movie with my shirt off.
1051
01:02:43,838 --> 01:02:46,705
If I'm in a movie
getting open heart surgery,
1052
01:02:46,805 --> 01:02:48,305
I got on a sweater.
1053
01:02:54,205 --> 01:02:57,271
Will Smith played Muhammad Ali in a movie.
1054
01:02:57,271 --> 01:02:59,338
You think I auditioned for that part?
1055
01:03:00,605 --> 01:03:03,771
He played Muhammad Ali.
I played Pookie in New Jack City.
1056
01:03:05,671 --> 01:03:08,571
[audience cheering]
1057
01:03:12,471 --> 01:03:14,271
Pookie, motherfucker.
1058
01:03:14,271 --> 01:03:16,805
I played a piece of corn in Pootie Tang.
1059
01:03:18,638 --> 01:03:21,538
Shit, even in animation,
this motherfucker is bigger.
1060
01:03:21,538 --> 01:03:23,305
I am zebra. He's a shark.
1061
01:03:24,505 --> 01:03:25,938
What the fuck, man?
1062
01:03:25,938 --> 01:03:28,138
But... But,
1063
01:03:28,138 --> 01:03:34,071
Will Smith practices selective outrage.
1064
01:03:35,705 --> 01:03:39,838
Practices selective outrage.
1065
01:03:39,838 --> 01:03:42,105
'Cause everybody knows
what the fuck happened.
1066
01:03:42,105 --> 01:03:43,805
Everybody that really knows
1067
01:03:43,805 --> 01:03:46,038
knows that I had nothing to do
with that shit.
1068
01:03:46,038 --> 01:03:48,638
I didn't have any entanglement.
1069
01:03:48,838 --> 01:03:50,705
[audience cheering]
1070
01:03:53,938 --> 01:03:54,771
I didn't.
1071
01:03:56,005 --> 01:03:58,038
I did not have any entanglement.
1072
01:03:58,038 --> 01:04:00,405
For people that don't know
what everybody knows.
1073
01:04:00,505 --> 01:04:05,671
Will Smith, his wife was fucking
her son's friend, okay?
1074
01:04:06,405 --> 01:04:10,205
Now, I normally
would not talk about this shit.
1075
01:04:10,971 --> 01:04:14,205
But for some reason, these niggas put
that shit on the Internet.
1076
01:04:15,471 --> 01:04:21,405
I have no idea why two talented people
would do something that fucking low down.
1077
01:04:21,405 --> 01:04:22,471
What the fuck?
1078
01:04:22,471 --> 01:04:24,338
We all been cheated on.
1079
01:04:24,338 --> 01:04:26,471
Everybody in here had been cheated on.
1080
01:04:26,471 --> 01:04:29,405
None of us have ever been interviewed
1081
01:04:29,405 --> 01:04:33,005
by the person
that cheated on us on television.
1082
01:04:33,838 --> 01:04:34,938
None of us.
1083
01:04:35,605 --> 01:04:38,238
It's like, "Hey, I was sucking
somebody else's dick."
1084
01:04:38,238 --> 01:04:39,805
"How did that make you feel?"
1085
01:04:49,905 --> 01:04:52,971
Why the fuck would you do that shit?
1086
01:04:52,971 --> 01:04:56,705
She hurt him way more
than he hurt me. Okay?
1087
01:04:57,238 --> 01:04:58,371
Okay?
1088
01:04:58,371 --> 01:05:00,571
And by the way, he does that shit,
1089
01:05:00,571 --> 01:05:04,438
everybody in the world called him a bitch.
1090
01:05:04,438 --> 01:05:07,471
I tried to call the motherfucker
and give him my condolences.
1091
01:05:07,471 --> 01:05:08,671
He ain't pick up for me.
1092
01:05:08,671 --> 01:05:13,138
Everybody called that man a bitch.
1093
01:05:13,138 --> 01:05:16,405
Fucking Charlamagne called him a bitch.
1094
01:05:16,405 --> 01:05:18,705
The Breakfast Club called him a bitch.
1095
01:05:18,705 --> 01:05:24,671
And The View and The Talk
and every rapper and the Drink Champs
1096
01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:26,838
called him a fucking bitch.
1097
01:05:26,838 --> 01:05:30,738
Everybody called him a bitch
and called his wife a predator.
1098
01:05:30,738 --> 01:05:32,771
Everybody called him a bitch.
1099
01:05:36,571 --> 01:05:37,471
Everybody!
1100
01:05:38,671 --> 01:05:39,571
Everybody!
1101
01:05:40,771 --> 01:05:42,938
And who does he hit? Me.
1102
01:05:46,205 --> 01:05:50,205
A nigga he know he could beat.
That is some bitch-ass shit.
1103
01:05:53,038 --> 01:05:55,171
[audience cheering]
1104
01:05:57,038 --> 01:05:59,505
That's what the fuck happened, okay?
1105
01:06:00,105 --> 01:06:02,305
Get the fuck out of here, man.
1106
01:06:02,305 --> 01:06:07,605
What the fuck?
I do nothing to this motherfucker, okay?
1107
01:06:07,605 --> 01:06:11,438
Whatever. Years ago, his wife
said I should quit the Oscars.
1108
01:06:11,438 --> 01:06:12,405
I shouldn't host.
1109
01:06:13,371 --> 01:06:18,671
She fucking said, "He should quit 'cause
Will didn't get nominated for Concussion."
1110
01:06:18,671 --> 01:06:19,838
What the fuck?
1111
01:06:20,405 --> 01:06:23,371
What the fuck? So then I do
some jokes about her. Who gives a fuck?
1112
01:06:23,371 --> 01:06:26,338
That's how it is. She started it.
I finished it. Okay?
1113
01:06:26,338 --> 01:06:28,171
That's what the fuck happened.
1114
01:06:28,171 --> 01:06:30,405
Nobody was picking on this bitch.
1115
01:06:30,405 --> 01:06:31,971
She started this shit.
1116
01:06:34,271 --> 01:06:35,605
Nobody was picking on her.
1117
01:06:37,738 --> 01:06:40,438
Nobody was picking on her.
1118
01:06:40,438 --> 01:06:44,871
She said, me, a fucking grown-ass man
should quit his job
1119
01:06:44,871 --> 01:06:47,938
'cause her husband
didn't get nominated for Concussion.
1120
01:06:47,938 --> 01:06:51,038
And then this nigga gives me
a fucking concussion, okay?
1121
01:06:51,805 --> 01:06:53,871
What the fuck, man?
1122
01:06:53,871 --> 01:06:57,771
I love Will Smith.
My whole life, I love this nigga.
1123
01:06:57,771 --> 01:07:01,705
I saw him opened up for Run-DMC
at the Nassau Coliseum.
1124
01:07:01,705 --> 01:07:03,705
These niggas made brand-new funk.
1125
01:07:03,705 --> 01:07:07,905
I love this nigga.
He made some great movies.
1126
01:07:07,905 --> 01:07:11,771
I've rooted for Will Smith my whole life.
1127
01:07:11,771 --> 01:07:13,638
I root for this motherfucker, okay?
1128
01:07:13,738 --> 01:07:18,905
And now, I watch Emancipation
just to see him get whooped.
1129
01:07:22,705 --> 01:07:25,338
It got me rooting for Massa, okay?
1130
01:07:26,171 --> 01:07:27,938
Hit him again, Massa.
1131
01:07:27,938 --> 01:07:29,338
Hit him again!
1132
01:07:30,771 --> 01:07:32,905
You missed a spot, Massa.
1133
01:07:33,471 --> 01:07:34,871
You missed a spot.
1134
01:07:36,838 --> 01:07:40,105
A lot of people go, "Chris, how come
you didn't do nothing back."
1135
01:07:40,105 --> 01:07:42,605
"How come you didn't do
nothing back that night?"
1136
01:07:43,105 --> 01:07:45,538
'Cause I got parents. That's why.
1137
01:07:45,538 --> 01:07:48,605
'Cause I was raised, okay?
1138
01:07:51,105 --> 01:07:52,771
I've got parents.
1139
01:07:53,371 --> 01:07:55,571
You know what my parents taught me.
1140
01:07:55,571 --> 01:07:58,105
Don't fight in front of white people.
1141
01:07:59,171 --> 01:08:00,005
[slams mic]
1142
01:08:00,938 --> 01:08:04,238
- [audience cheering and applauding]
- [hip-hop music playing]
1143
01:08:36,438 --> 01:08:38,638
[audience continue cheering]
1144
01:09:14,904 --> 01:09:18,105
{\an8}["Nigga in Paris" playing]
89844
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