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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,905 --> 00:00:10,638 [slow instrumental music playing] 2 00:00:15,005 --> 00:00:15,838 [funk drums playing] 3 00:00:17,305 --> 00:00:18,305 [indistinct chatter] 4 00:00:19,838 --> 00:00:20,838 [man] Let's go! 5 00:00:29,205 --> 00:00:31,305 - [hip-hop music playing] - [audience cheering] 6 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:41,105 {\an8}[Chris Rock] She said, "$300, I'll do anything you want." 7 00:00:41,105 --> 00:00:42,671 I said, "Bitch, paint my house." 8 00:00:42,671 --> 00:00:44,205 We don't need the death penalty! 9 00:00:44,205 --> 00:00:45,971 We got the tossed salad man! 10 00:00:45,971 --> 00:00:50,305 {\an8}'Cause if a bullet costs $5,000, there'll be no more innocent bystanders. 11 00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:52,038 {\an8}I ain't scared of Al-Qaeda. 12 00:00:52,038 --> 00:00:53,771 {\an8}I'm scared of Al-Cracker. 13 00:00:53,771 --> 00:00:56,571 You cannot lend money to people you're fucking. 14 00:00:56,571 --> 00:00:58,971 'Cause they think that sex is a payback. 15 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:02,705 {\an8}We just got a few bad apples that like to crash into mountains. 16 00:01:02,705 --> 00:01:04,138 [audience laughing] 17 00:01:08,371 --> 00:01:09,205 [audience cheering] 18 00:01:12,671 --> 00:01:14,138 [hip-hop music playing] 19 00:01:29,438 --> 00:01:31,271 [female announcer] Ladies and gentlemen. 20 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:37,138 Ladies and gentlemen. 21 00:01:39,271 --> 00:01:41,338 Chris Rock! 22 00:01:42,605 --> 00:01:44,238 [audience cheering] 23 00:01:59,805 --> 00:02:01,205 [audience continue cheering] 24 00:02:08,305 --> 00:02:10,338 [Chris Rock] What's up, Baltimore? 25 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,805 [audience cheers loudly] 26 00:02:13,471 --> 00:02:15,238 Yes! 27 00:02:15,238 --> 00:02:16,371 Yes, yes. 28 00:02:16,371 --> 00:02:17,405 Thank you! 29 00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,938 Thank you so much! 30 00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:25,971 Thank you so much to coming to my Netflix special. 31 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,405 - Thank you. - [audience cheering] 32 00:02:29,438 --> 00:02:31,271 That's right. That's right! 33 00:02:31,271 --> 00:02:32,505 Okay. 34 00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:35,605 - I'mma try to do a show. - [man shouting unintelligibly] 35 00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,771 I'mma try... Nigga, sit down! 36 00:02:38,738 --> 00:02:45,138 I'mma try to do a show tonight without offending nobody, okay? 37 00:02:45,971 --> 00:02:47,571 I'mma try my best. 38 00:02:48,105 --> 00:02:51,171 You know why? 'Cause you never know who might get triggered. 39 00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,338 That's right. You say the wrong thing... 40 00:02:56,305 --> 00:02:57,905 motherfuckers get scared. 41 00:02:59,038 --> 00:02:59,938 You gotta watch out. 42 00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:03,738 You know what people say. They always say, uh, "words hurt." 43 00:03:04,438 --> 00:03:06,705 That's what they say. You gotta watch what you say. 44 00:03:06,705 --> 00:03:08,838 'Cause words hurt. 45 00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:12,571 You know anybody that says words hurt 46 00:03:13,305 --> 00:03:15,738 has never been punched in the face. 47 00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,338 [audience laughing] 48 00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:21,638 Okay? 49 00:03:21,638 --> 00:03:25,238 Yeah, words hurt when you write them on a brick, okay? 50 00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:27,538 You gotta watch out. 51 00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:28,805 Everybody's scared. 52 00:03:29,405 --> 00:03:30,771 Everybody scared. 53 00:03:30,771 --> 00:03:34,371 If you a certain age and you go to work, you are fucking scared. 54 00:03:34,971 --> 00:03:37,505 In the old days, if somebody wanted your job, 55 00:03:37,505 --> 00:03:39,505 they just worked harder than you. 56 00:03:40,071 --> 00:03:42,205 Now, somebody wants your job, 57 00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:44,671 they just wait for you to say some dumb shit. 58 00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:47,471 Yeah. 59 00:03:47,471 --> 00:03:49,971 Try to get you with one of them woke traps. 60 00:03:50,971 --> 00:03:53,305 Say, "Hey, we going to a gay wedding tomorrow." 61 00:03:53,305 --> 00:03:55,805 "How do you feel about that?" Oh, ho, ho, ho! 62 00:03:56,171 --> 00:03:57,471 "It's good. It's good." 63 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,205 Don't fall into the woke trap at all now. 64 00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:03,771 I have no problem with the wokeness. 65 00:04:03,771 --> 00:04:05,705 I have no problem with it at all. 66 00:04:05,705 --> 00:04:07,705 I'm all for social justice. 67 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,871 I'm all for, for marginalized people getting their rights. 68 00:04:11,871 --> 00:04:17,271 The thing I have a problem with is the selective outrage. 69 00:04:18,371 --> 00:04:22,471 - [audience applauding] - That's right, selective outrage. 70 00:04:23,271 --> 00:04:25,338 Everybody, you know what I'm talking about? 71 00:04:25,338 --> 00:04:26,938 One person does something, 72 00:04:26,938 --> 00:04:27,938 they get cancelled. 73 00:04:27,938 --> 00:04:30,271 Somebody else does the exact same thing... 74 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:31,971 No. 75 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,505 You know what I'm talking about. 76 00:04:34,971 --> 00:04:39,305 You know, like the kind of people that play Michael Jackson songs, 77 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,638 but won't play R. Kelly. 78 00:04:43,171 --> 00:04:45,405 [audience laughing and applauding] 79 00:04:47,471 --> 00:04:48,305 [imperceptible] 80 00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:49,938 Same crime. 81 00:04:51,438 --> 00:04:53,771 One of them just got better songs. 82 00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:58,405 [chuckling] That's right. 83 00:04:58,405 --> 00:05:00,938 Well, I'll play "Startin' Somethin'," it's a party. 84 00:05:01,805 --> 00:05:04,705 I play "Bump n' Grind," now you are activists. 85 00:05:06,638 --> 00:05:08,838 So, everybody's scared. 86 00:05:08,838 --> 00:05:11,805 Everybody full of shit, you know? 87 00:05:11,805 --> 00:05:15,605 I'm in my old neighborhood the other day. I bumped into my, my good friend, Fred. 88 00:05:15,605 --> 00:05:16,938 Hadn't seen him in years. 89 00:05:17,405 --> 00:05:18,671 Hadn't seen him in years. 90 00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:22,305 Fred got a new job at AT&T, okay? 91 00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:25,005 So, I'm like, "Hey, Fred, how's the job?" 92 00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:27,671 And Fred's like, "Oh, I love the job." 93 00:05:28,105 --> 00:05:30,138 "It's a safe space." 94 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:34,638 "I feel seen, I feel heard." 95 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,438 "There's a lot of diversity." 96 00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:38,471 And I'm looking at him. I'm like... 97 00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,271 "Nigga, it's me." 98 00:05:42,905 --> 00:05:45,305 What, you think I'm wearing a wire or some shit? 99 00:05:46,671 --> 00:05:49,271 What the fuck you talking about, safe space? 100 00:05:49,738 --> 00:05:52,338 Nigga, you did eight years for manslaughter. 101 00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:56,105 Nobody's safe around you. 102 00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,305 Everybody's full of shit. 103 00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:06,138 Motherfuckers typing out woke ass tweets on a, on a phone made by child slaves. 104 00:06:07,771 --> 00:06:09,905 You need to cut it out, man. 105 00:06:09,905 --> 00:06:12,438 Not only is everybody full of shit, 106 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:16,105 not only is everybody full of shit, every business is full of shit. 107 00:06:16,405 --> 00:06:18,838 - [man whooping] - Everybody you do business, 108 00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:21,938 they don't even tell you about the product no more. 109 00:06:21,938 --> 00:06:24,405 They just tell you how much charity they do. 110 00:06:25,271 --> 00:06:26,738 They say, "We give back." 111 00:06:26,738 --> 00:06:28,671 "We like to give back." 112 00:06:28,671 --> 00:06:30,171 "We don't even like the money." 113 00:06:32,271 --> 00:06:33,805 "We just give back." 114 00:06:33,805 --> 00:06:35,405 I'm in the mall the other day. 115 00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:36,471 I went by that store. 116 00:06:36,471 --> 00:06:38,038 What's this thing? A Lululemon. 117 00:06:39,105 --> 00:06:42,005 Lululemon, I walk by and in the window 118 00:06:42,005 --> 00:06:46,105 of every Lululemon, there's a sign that says, 119 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:51,871 "We don't support racism, sexism, discrimination, or hate." 120 00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,405 And I'm like, "Who gives a fuck?" 121 00:06:56,138 --> 00:06:58,238 You're just selling yoga pants. 122 00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:02,071 I don't need your yoga pants politics. 123 00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:05,605 Tell me how you work on ball sweat. 124 00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,238 The fuck you talking about, man? 125 00:07:11,838 --> 00:07:13,805 And then, I'm watching the game the other night. 126 00:07:13,805 --> 00:07:17,005 There was a-- There was a commercial for Subaru. 127 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:21,905 Commercial for Subaru, and it said, uh, "For every Subaru we sell, 128 00:07:22,671 --> 00:07:27,538 we'll donate $250 to your favorite charity." 129 00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:29,871 And I'm like, "Who gives a fuck?" 130 00:07:30,438 --> 00:07:32,605 I'm like, "Subaru, you want to help me out?" 131 00:07:32,605 --> 00:07:36,705 "Why don't you just sell me the car for $250 less?" 132 00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:40,038 [audience laughing] 133 00:07:41,305 --> 00:07:43,671 Shit, I'm my favorite charity. 134 00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:47,538 Shit. You know what Elon Musk does? 135 00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:52,638 Every time he sells a Tesla, he gets his dick sucked. 136 00:07:55,171 --> 00:07:57,038 That's why he looks so weird. 137 00:07:59,738 --> 00:08:01,971 'Cause his body has negative cum. 138 00:08:04,771 --> 00:08:07,105 He's the richest man on Earth. 139 00:08:07,105 --> 00:08:12,738 No one has lower cum levels than Elon Musk, okay? 140 00:08:12,738 --> 00:08:16,371 Women are sucking out the cum before it's even formed. 141 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:21,471 There's a six-month waiting list for Elon Musk's cum. 142 00:08:21,705 --> 00:08:24,805 [chuckles] He's flying bitches to the moon. 143 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,538 Who could compete with that shit? 144 00:08:27,371 --> 00:08:31,371 No one has less sperm than Elon Musk. 145 00:08:31,371 --> 00:08:34,538 Only Jason Momoa comes close. 146 00:08:38,771 --> 00:08:41,171 To having less spunk than Elon Musk. 147 00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:43,771 Fucking Lululemon. 148 00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:49,938 "We don't support racism, sexism, discrimination, or hate." 149 00:08:50,871 --> 00:08:53,605 They sell $100 yoga pants. 150 00:08:54,605 --> 00:08:56,638 $100 yoga pants. 151 00:08:57,105 --> 00:08:58,571 They hate somebody. 152 00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:02,538 [laughs] 153 00:09:02,871 --> 00:09:04,871 They hate the poor. 154 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:10,305 [sputters] $100 yoga pants? 155 00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:11,305 No, no, no. Correction. 156 00:09:11,305 --> 00:09:13,171 They don't sell $100 yoga pants. 157 00:09:13,671 --> 00:09:19,005 They sell $100 non-racist yoga pants. 158 00:09:19,871 --> 00:09:23,205 I think I speak for the entire audience tonight 159 00:09:23,205 --> 00:09:26,338 when I say most people in this crowd 160 00:09:26,338 --> 00:09:32,138 would prefer a pair of $20 racist yoga pants. 161 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,805 [audience cheer in agreement] 162 00:09:38,405 --> 00:09:41,971 That's right. Like, yoga pants that whistled "nigga" as you walk. 163 00:09:43,038 --> 00:09:49,438 "Nigga. Nigga. Nigga. Nigga. Nigga." 164 00:09:51,138 --> 00:09:53,071 "Are my pants whistling, 'Nigga'?" 165 00:09:55,238 --> 00:09:56,971 "Can't wear these to Cherry Hill." 166 00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:03,071 Yeah, we live in Baltimore tonight, baby. 167 00:10:03,071 --> 00:10:05,238 - We are motherfucking live. - [audience cheering] 168 00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:06,838 Okay? 169 00:10:08,671 --> 00:10:10,805 Homework, that's right. 170 00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:14,705 Whenever I do a show, I do my homework. 171 00:10:16,171 --> 00:10:19,405 First thing I do when I get to town, I'll go, "Where should I not go?" 172 00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:24,405 And then I say, "Where can I buy coke?" 173 00:10:25,838 --> 00:10:27,938 And they're usually the same place. 174 00:10:30,305 --> 00:10:31,438 [chuckles] 175 00:10:34,905 --> 00:10:40,038 Now, America's... America's got problems right now. 176 00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:43,105 They say we're addicted to opioids. 177 00:10:43,105 --> 00:10:45,105 They say we're addicted to opioids and we are. 178 00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:50,205 I like a good opioid when I could get my hand on it. [chuckles] 179 00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:53,638 There's, like, no pharmacist has ever paid to come to my show. 180 00:10:58,971 --> 00:11:00,305 [laughs] 181 00:11:00,305 --> 00:11:02,938 "I think we can get him in there, yeah." 182 00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:03,938 That's right, man. 183 00:11:03,938 --> 00:11:06,238 They say we're addicted to opioids, 184 00:11:06,238 --> 00:11:09,971 but opioids are not the biggest addiction in America. 185 00:11:09,971 --> 00:11:12,638 No. Not even close, man. 186 00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:18,871 The biggest addiction in America is attention. 187 00:11:20,271 --> 00:11:21,271 That's right. 188 00:11:21,271 --> 00:11:25,638 We are addicted to attention. 189 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,871 Can't get enough attention. 190 00:11:29,538 --> 00:11:31,338 Feening for likes. 191 00:11:32,071 --> 00:11:34,271 Just feening. We used to want love. 192 00:11:34,271 --> 00:11:35,838 Now, we just want likes. 193 00:11:37,638 --> 00:11:40,171 Posting up pathetic pictures. 194 00:11:41,571 --> 00:11:44,471 [high-pitch voice] "This is me eating sushi. Like me." 195 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:50,671 [chuckling] "This is me, 25 years ago, when I was hot. Like me." 196 00:11:51,705 --> 00:11:54,271 [normal voice] Oh, it's fucking sad, man. 197 00:11:54,771 --> 00:11:56,405 Just feening for attention. 198 00:11:56,405 --> 00:11:58,738 Addicted to attention. 199 00:11:59,171 --> 00:12:00,705 And how do you get attention? 200 00:12:00,705 --> 00:12:02,738 Four easy ways to get attention. 201 00:12:03,271 --> 00:12:06,305 Number one easiest way to get attention, 202 00:12:07,005 --> 00:12:09,305 show your ass. 203 00:12:10,505 --> 00:12:11,738 Show your ass! 204 00:12:11,738 --> 00:12:14,705 You will get attention, even if you don't got ass! 205 00:12:15,705 --> 00:12:17,305 That's the world we live in. 206 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:21,705 It's why Blac Chyna has more followers than Gayle King. 207 00:12:23,271 --> 00:12:25,405 'Cause Chyna is showing that ass. 208 00:12:25,905 --> 00:12:28,705 That's right. So number one, show your ass. 209 00:12:29,205 --> 00:12:32,338 Number two easiest way to get attention 210 00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:35,071 is to be infamous. 211 00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:39,038 Yeah. Do some fucked up shit. Shoot up a school. 212 00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:42,138 Try to stab Dave Chappelle at a show. 213 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:46,171 That's right, infamy. You will get attention. 214 00:12:46,738 --> 00:12:50,105 Number three easiest way to get attention, 215 00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:52,438 that's right, to be excellent. 216 00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,838 That's right. Like Serena Williams, 217 00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:57,671 greatest tennis player to ever play the game. 218 00:12:57,671 --> 00:12:58,905 [audience cheering] 219 00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:03,305 Absolutely excellent! 220 00:13:03,305 --> 00:13:07,405 Being excellent will get you attention, but it's hard being excellent. 221 00:13:07,405 --> 00:13:09,071 You gotta get up in the morning. 222 00:13:09,971 --> 00:13:12,605 [laughs] You gotta work out. You gotta practice. 223 00:13:12,605 --> 00:13:15,871 It is much easier to show your ass. 224 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,371 That's right. That's right. 225 00:13:19,371 --> 00:13:24,005 And the number four easiest way to get attention, number four, 226 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,105 is to be a victim. 227 00:13:28,105 --> 00:13:29,638 [audience] Ooh. 228 00:13:29,638 --> 00:13:33,638 - It's like "Where he going with this?" - [audience laughs] 229 00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:37,471 Don't get me wrong, there's no victim-shaming going on. 230 00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:40,738 No. No, no, no, no. There are real victims in this world. 231 00:13:40,738 --> 00:13:44,005 There are people that have gone through unspeakable trauma, 232 00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:47,005 and they need your love, your support, and they need your care. 233 00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:51,638 But if everybody claims to be a victim 234 00:13:52,138 --> 00:13:54,171 when the real victims need help, 235 00:13:54,171 --> 00:13:57,071 ain't nobody gonna be there to help them, okay? 236 00:13:57,071 --> 00:13:59,471 And right now, we live in a world 237 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,938 where the emergency room is filled up with motherfuckers with paper cuts. 238 00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:07,271 Okay? 239 00:14:07,271 --> 00:14:10,438 - [audience cheering and whistling] - That's right. 240 00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:13,971 Everybody's trying to be a victim. 241 00:14:13,971 --> 00:14:18,238 People that know good and goddamn well they ain't victims. 242 00:14:18,238 --> 00:14:20,871 Like white men. 243 00:14:23,338 --> 00:14:26,005 When did white men become victims? 244 00:14:26,005 --> 00:14:29,438 White men actually think they're losing the country. 245 00:14:30,171 --> 00:14:31,338 To who? 246 00:14:32,971 --> 00:14:34,205 It ain't us. 247 00:14:35,171 --> 00:14:38,138 When's the last time you got on a Black cruise ship? 248 00:14:39,205 --> 00:14:41,238 Or flew on a Black airline? 249 00:14:41,238 --> 00:14:43,971 Get the fuck out of here. We don't got no money! 250 00:14:44,805 --> 00:14:48,038 We got some vodkas and a couple of record companies. 251 00:14:49,738 --> 00:14:53,871 White men actually think they're losing the country! 252 00:14:53,871 --> 00:14:56,505 Can you believe-- Did you see the Capitol riots? 253 00:14:56,505 --> 00:15:01,771 White men trying to overthrow the government that they run! 254 00:15:01,771 --> 00:15:03,238 [audience laughing] 255 00:15:10,705 --> 00:15:11,905 The fuck? 256 00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:14,005 They're like, "We gotta get them out of office." 257 00:15:14,005 --> 00:15:15,138 Who? "Us." 258 00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:18,705 [laughs] 259 00:15:18,705 --> 00:15:20,971 Did you see the Capitol riots? 260 00:15:20,971 --> 00:15:25,405 Like, what kind of white Planet of the Apes shit was that? 261 00:15:27,938 --> 00:15:30,971 These motherfuckers are climbing up walls 262 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,838 and taking a shit on Pelosi's desk. 263 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,638 What the fuck? 264 00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:43,371 What would make white men think they're losing the country? What? 265 00:15:43,371 --> 00:15:44,271 What? What? 266 00:15:44,271 --> 00:15:47,805 What, 'cause there's no more white couples in commercials? 267 00:15:49,938 --> 00:15:51,771 There's no Black couples either. 268 00:15:52,271 --> 00:15:57,738 Every commercial has a mixed race couple. Everything! 269 00:15:57,738 --> 00:16:00,305 Shit, I saw a commercial the other day, 270 00:16:00,305 --> 00:16:04,371 saw a Japanese woman married to a caterpillar. 271 00:16:06,271 --> 00:16:08,138 [chuckles] 272 00:16:08,438 --> 00:16:10,238 Their kids were squirrels! 273 00:16:14,238 --> 00:16:16,105 By the way, speaking of commercials, 274 00:16:17,438 --> 00:16:20,405 when did Snoop Dogg become Morgan Freeman? 275 00:16:20,405 --> 00:16:22,605 [audience laughing and applauding] 276 00:16:25,738 --> 00:16:27,705 This nigga's selling everything. 277 00:16:28,838 --> 00:16:31,605 Beer, wine, tampons... 278 00:16:32,805 --> 00:16:38,138 I saw a commercial the other day, Snoop was selling reverse mortgages. 279 00:16:40,771 --> 00:16:42,405 Called them, "Dogg-ages." 280 00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:45,738 What the fuck's a "Dogg-age"? 281 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:50,438 I love Snoop. I love Snoop Okay, so just... 282 00:16:50,438 --> 00:16:52,105 I'm not dissing Snoop, all right? 283 00:16:52,105 --> 00:16:55,038 Last thing I need is another mad rapper, right? 284 00:16:55,038 --> 00:16:56,605 [audience laughing] 285 00:16:58,471 --> 00:16:59,638 Nope. Nope, nope. 286 00:17:00,971 --> 00:17:02,138 No, no, no. 287 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:04,905 No, no, no, no, no. 288 00:17:05,571 --> 00:17:10,505 Back to the show. Everybody is trying to be a victim. 289 00:17:10,505 --> 00:17:13,171 Like, what's this girl Meghan Markle? 290 00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:17,505 [groans] Seemed like a nice lady. 291 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:22,471 Just complaining. I was like, "Didn't she hit the light-skinned lottery?" 292 00:17:24,538 --> 00:17:29,938 Hit the fucking light-skinned lottery, and still going on complaining. 293 00:17:29,938 --> 00:17:32,938 Acting all dumb, like she don't know nothing. 294 00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:35,438 Going on Oprah, [voice breaking] "I didn't know. 295 00:17:35,438 --> 00:17:38,138 I had no idea how racist they were." 296 00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:39,905 [normal voice] It's the royal family. 297 00:17:41,205 --> 00:17:43,505 You didn't google these motherfuckers? 298 00:17:45,305 --> 00:17:50,038 [chuckles] What the fuck is she talking about, "she didn't know"? 299 00:17:50,038 --> 00:17:53,171 The fuck? It's the royal family! 300 00:17:53,171 --> 00:17:55,638 They're the original racists! 301 00:17:56,971 --> 00:17:59,471 They invented colonialism! 302 00:18:00,471 --> 00:18:03,038 They're the OGs of racism. 303 00:18:03,538 --> 00:18:06,038 They're the Sugarhill Gang of racism. 304 00:18:10,138 --> 00:18:11,905 Like, "The hip-hop, the hippie, 305 00:18:11,905 --> 00:18:15,705 the hippie-dippie hip hip-hop and you don't stop" of racism. 306 00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:21,238 The fuck is she talking about, "I didn't know"? 307 00:18:21,805 --> 00:18:25,105 That's like marrying into the Budweiser family 308 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,438 and going, "They drink a lot!" 309 00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:32,505 The fuck is she talking about? 310 00:18:32,505 --> 00:18:36,438 These motherfuckers invested in slavery like it was Shark Tank. 311 00:18:38,005 --> 00:18:39,738 [laughs] 312 00:18:39,738 --> 00:18:43,338 The fuck? She said, "They're so racist. They're so racist." 313 00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:46,438 Some of that shit she went through was not racism! 314 00:18:47,338 --> 00:18:49,838 It was just some in-law shit. 315 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,138 And sometimes it's just some in-law shit! 316 00:18:54,638 --> 00:18:57,738 'Cause she's complaining, and I'm like, "What the fuck is she talking about?" 317 00:18:57,738 --> 00:19:00,005 [voice breaking] "Oprah, they're so racist!" 318 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:04,671 "They wanted to know how brown the baby was gonna be." 319 00:19:04,671 --> 00:19:08,805 "They're so racist. They wanted to know how brown the baby's gonna be." 320 00:19:08,805 --> 00:19:11,038 [normal voice] I'm like, "That's not racist!" 321 00:19:12,438 --> 00:19:15,571 'Cause even Black people wanna know... 322 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,605 [audience laughing and applauding] 323 00:19:21,538 --> 00:19:26,905 how brown the baby gonna be! Shit, we check behind them ears. 324 00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:35,438 That's a scientific test. [chuckles] 325 00:19:35,438 --> 00:19:38,838 'Cause you gotta see what kind of Black child you're gonna get. 326 00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,738 Is this a Steph Curry baby? 327 00:19:42,971 --> 00:19:45,171 Or a Draymond Green baby? 328 00:19:50,038 --> 00:19:52,905 That Draymond baby gonna have a hard life. 329 00:19:55,071 --> 00:19:58,405 Draymond Black, baby. That nigga dark. 330 00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:00,671 He's "sneak-up-on-you" Black. 331 00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:04,571 Where you at, Draymond? "Right here." Hey! 332 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:06,938 Hey! 333 00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:09,638 Put a bell on, nigga! Put a bell! 334 00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:19,171 I know what she going through. I know what Meghan Markle's going through. 335 00:20:19,171 --> 00:20:20,838 I-I know her dilemma. 336 00:20:21,838 --> 00:20:27,505 Black girl trying to be accepted by her white in-laws. Oh, it's hard. 337 00:20:28,571 --> 00:20:33,005 Black girl trying to be accepted by her white in-laws. It's so hard. 338 00:20:33,005 --> 00:20:34,138 It's very hard! 339 00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:36,438 But it ain't as hard 340 00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:41,238 as a white girl trying to be accepted by her Black in-laws. 341 00:20:43,438 --> 00:20:45,638 Now, that shit is really hard. 342 00:20:46,238 --> 00:20:49,305 Shit, you bring a white girl home for Thanksgiving, 343 00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:51,705 your momma gonna say something. 344 00:20:53,805 --> 00:20:58,038 Your momma's like, "Why is there a social worker at the table?" 345 00:21:05,071 --> 00:21:06,838 Like, "Momma, that's Jackie!" 346 00:21:08,071 --> 00:21:10,005 "We've been married nine years!" 347 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,738 "You got three grandchildren! Stop being so mean!" 348 00:21:15,738 --> 00:21:20,038 "You know I'm playing, right, Jackie? Just give me time." 349 00:21:20,938 --> 00:21:22,205 Nah, nah, nah. 350 00:21:22,705 --> 00:21:25,771 Meghan Markle, I know the dilemma. 351 00:21:26,405 --> 00:21:29,605 Black girl trying to be accepted by her white in-laws. 352 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:34,838 Black girl trying to be accepted by her white in-laws. 353 00:21:34,838 --> 00:21:37,138 I'm like, "Hey! If you're Black, 354 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:41,005 and you wanna be accepted by your white in-laws, 355 00:21:42,305 --> 00:21:46,071 then you need to marry a Kardashian." 356 00:21:49,305 --> 00:21:51,171 'Cause they accept everybody. 357 00:21:52,705 --> 00:21:56,271 So, like, Kris Jenner is like the Statue of Liberty. 358 00:21:57,905 --> 00:22:02,138 "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses..." 359 00:22:02,138 --> 00:22:04,371 Kris Jenner lets everybody in. 360 00:22:04,871 --> 00:22:07,405 That's right. She's like a Black grandma. 361 00:22:07,905 --> 00:22:10,871 She just wants to fix you up a plate, that Kris Jenner. 362 00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,538 She don't give a fuck. She lets everybody in. 363 00:22:13,538 --> 00:22:17,105 She's like, "Bipolar rapper? Bring your ass in here." 364 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:21,671 "Come in here, you genius, bipolar motherfucker." 365 00:22:23,271 --> 00:22:26,271 "Crackhead basketball player? Bring your ass here." 366 00:22:29,038 --> 00:22:32,171 "Let me fix you up a plate, you old crackhead." 367 00:22:32,971 --> 00:22:35,871 "Daddy got titties? Bring your ass here." 368 00:22:39,438 --> 00:22:40,971 "Help me with these plates." 369 00:22:41,871 --> 00:22:45,038 [laughs] The Kardashians are inclusive! 370 00:22:46,205 --> 00:22:50,405 And they love Black people more than Black people love Black people. 371 00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:54,738 Shit, the father freed O.J. 372 00:22:58,971 --> 00:23:00,838 [audience laughing] 373 00:23:01,971 --> 00:23:04,905 Oh, you forgot that little nugget of Black history? 374 00:23:06,238 --> 00:23:09,438 He was a, he was a valuable member of the Dream Team. 375 00:23:09,938 --> 00:23:13,605 That's right. He wasn't Johnnie Cochran. He was the Klay Thompson of that team. 376 00:23:14,571 --> 00:23:16,405 That's right. That's right. 377 00:23:16,405 --> 00:23:20,871 Robert Kardashian helped to free O.J. Simpson, 378 00:23:21,371 --> 00:23:25,138 a Black, football playing murderer! 379 00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:32,605 Whoo! O.J. Simpson killed two white people and got away with it. 380 00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:35,771 That's another kind of Black excellence. 381 00:23:42,038 --> 00:23:44,071 That's way before Wakanda. 382 00:23:45,671 --> 00:23:47,305 Ah, ha, ha! 383 00:23:48,005 --> 00:23:52,571 Yes. Robert Kardashian helped to free O.J. Simpson. 384 00:23:53,705 --> 00:23:55,838 That's right. And from that day on, 385 00:23:56,338 --> 00:23:58,705 from the day that he helped to free O.J. Simpson, 386 00:23:58,705 --> 00:24:01,438 from the time O.J. Simpson left that court... 387 00:24:02,071 --> 00:24:05,638 From that day on, Robert Kardashian was cursed. 388 00:24:06,605 --> 00:24:07,438 That's right. 389 00:24:08,438 --> 00:24:10,638 The judge said, "Not guilty." 390 00:24:10,638 --> 00:24:13,905 O.J. left the court, got in his Bronco, drove away. 391 00:24:15,605 --> 00:24:18,671 And soon as O.J. drove away, 392 00:24:19,405 --> 00:24:20,671 God appeared. 393 00:24:22,071 --> 00:24:25,305 And God walked up to Robert Kardashian 394 00:24:25,305 --> 00:24:26,871 and God said, 395 00:24:28,238 --> 00:24:29,838 "Robert Kardashian!" 396 00:24:31,105 --> 00:24:36,271 "For the sin of helping to free O.J. Simpson, 397 00:24:36,271 --> 00:24:39,405 a Black, football-playing murderer, 398 00:24:40,371 --> 00:24:43,071 from this day forth, 399 00:24:43,071 --> 00:24:45,705 for the rest of eternity, 400 00:24:45,705 --> 00:24:47,671 till the end of time, 401 00:24:47,671 --> 00:24:50,338 your daughters will fuck nothing but niggas!" 402 00:24:50,338 --> 00:24:52,171 [audience laughing] 403 00:25:03,971 --> 00:25:06,038 "And not just any niggas, 404 00:25:06,038 --> 00:25:07,571 crazy niggas." 405 00:25:11,738 --> 00:25:13,738 "The craziest niggas to ever live." 406 00:25:15,371 --> 00:25:17,038 [laughs] 407 00:25:17,705 --> 00:25:19,171 Yeah, we going in tonight. 408 00:25:21,005 --> 00:25:23,938 You can't tell none of these jokes at work, motherfucker. 409 00:25:24,738 --> 00:25:25,571 No! 410 00:25:26,538 --> 00:25:28,638 I love the Kardashians. I love the Kardashians. 411 00:25:28,638 --> 00:25:31,038 They're a very tight-knit family. 412 00:25:32,038 --> 00:25:34,371 I-- You know what I love about the Kardashians? 413 00:25:34,371 --> 00:25:36,805 I love how quickly 414 00:25:37,471 --> 00:25:39,705 they accepted Caitlyn. 415 00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:43,538 I thought that was beautiful. I thought it was beautiful. 416 00:25:44,271 --> 00:25:47,771 That's right. "No muss, no fuss, she's with us." 417 00:25:49,638 --> 00:25:52,538 I thought it was beautiful. I would love to believe 418 00:25:52,538 --> 00:25:54,338 that if my father became a woman, 419 00:25:55,871 --> 00:25:57,838 that we would accept the situation 420 00:25:58,938 --> 00:26:01,071 as fast as the Kardashians. 421 00:26:02,105 --> 00:26:04,671 And I'm sure we would. I'm sure we would. 422 00:26:06,338 --> 00:26:08,038 It wouldn't be the first season. 423 00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:13,971 [chuckling] You know, we need a few episodes 424 00:26:15,038 --> 00:26:17,205 to make this shit happen-- No, no, no. No, no. 425 00:26:17,205 --> 00:26:20,171 Honestly, here's the deal. If my father became a woman, 426 00:26:21,438 --> 00:26:24,571 I would accept it right away. I would accept it right away. 427 00:26:25,005 --> 00:26:26,971 You know why? 'Cause I'm an artist. 428 00:26:26,971 --> 00:26:29,805 And I've worked with all sorts, got nothing against anybody. 429 00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:31,971 Trans, I'm sure there's trans people here. 430 00:26:31,971 --> 00:26:34,205 I got no beef with anybody. 431 00:26:34,205 --> 00:26:36,771 - I'm gonna accept everyone, right? - [man whoops] 432 00:26:37,938 --> 00:26:40,205 That's right. If my father became a woman, I'd accept it. 433 00:26:40,305 --> 00:26:42,638 I mean, to be perfectly honest... 434 00:26:43,771 --> 00:26:45,538 To be perfectly honest, 435 00:26:45,538 --> 00:26:48,138 in some situations 436 00:26:48,138 --> 00:26:52,005 I actually prefer trans women 437 00:26:53,138 --> 00:26:54,505 to original recipe. 438 00:26:57,905 --> 00:26:59,771 Like, when you're watching a game 439 00:26:59,771 --> 00:27:01,405 they could read defenses. 440 00:27:04,071 --> 00:27:06,738 "That's a Cover 2." "Ooh, thanks, Peaches." 441 00:27:16,271 --> 00:27:18,671 No! [guffaws] 442 00:27:18,671 --> 00:27:22,138 No, no, no. Again, if my father became a woman, 443 00:27:22,638 --> 00:27:24,171 I would accept it 444 00:27:24,905 --> 00:27:27,938 'cause I'm an artist and I would accept it immediately. 445 00:27:28,438 --> 00:27:32,138 Now, my brothers drive trucks. 446 00:27:33,538 --> 00:27:36,638 So, their reaction might be a little different than mine. 447 00:27:37,338 --> 00:27:40,138 Especially my older brother, Andre. 448 00:27:40,638 --> 00:27:44,005 He, you know, drives an 18-wheeler, is a Raiders fan. 449 00:27:44,005 --> 00:27:46,205 He's one of them "argh" niggas, you know? 450 00:27:46,871 --> 00:27:50,238 If my father became a woman, Andre would have a problem with it. 451 00:27:50,238 --> 00:27:52,671 That would be a very testy Christmas 452 00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:54,305 to say the least. 453 00:27:54,305 --> 00:27:57,338 My brother Andre would be like, "Man, fuck that shit, man!" 454 00:27:57,838 --> 00:27:59,571 "The fuck, you got the heels on?" 455 00:28:00,371 --> 00:28:03,871 "The fuck you doing? You don't gotta wear a motherfucking heel." 456 00:28:03,871 --> 00:28:06,471 "Why the wig? What that got to do with nothin'?" 457 00:28:06,471 --> 00:28:08,505 "What the hair got to do with nothin'?" 458 00:28:08,505 --> 00:28:10,405 "Nah, I ain't shaking your hand." 459 00:28:10,405 --> 00:28:13,305 "I don't want none of that trans to rub off on me." 460 00:28:13,305 --> 00:28:15,871 "My kids here, nigga, my kids!" 461 00:28:15,871 --> 00:28:20,938 And then, I would have to step in and be the voice of reason. 462 00:28:20,938 --> 00:28:23,171 I would have to check my brother. 463 00:28:23,171 --> 00:28:25,905 I would have to walk up to him going, "Hey! Hey!" 464 00:28:25,905 --> 00:28:27,238 "Hey, nigga!" 465 00:28:27,838 --> 00:28:30,238 "She's your daddy!" 466 00:28:37,838 --> 00:28:40,005 [laughs] 467 00:28:41,405 --> 00:28:44,571 We gotta love everybody, man. We gotta love all. 468 00:28:44,571 --> 00:28:48,005 America, America's in bad shape right now, man. 469 00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:51,571 America's in horrible shape. We got it worse than Ukraine. 470 00:28:52,438 --> 00:28:53,271 Yeah, I said it. 471 00:28:54,838 --> 00:28:58,371 You know why? 'Cause Ukraine is united 472 00:28:58,371 --> 00:29:01,705 and America is clearly divided. 473 00:29:02,438 --> 00:29:05,338 Okay? We are clearly divided. 474 00:29:06,938 --> 00:29:11,638 Our shit is so screwed up right now, if the Russians came here right now, 475 00:29:11,638 --> 00:29:13,771 half the country would go, 476 00:29:13,771 --> 00:29:14,905 "Let's hear 'em out." 477 00:29:18,105 --> 00:29:20,038 We in a bad place, man. 478 00:29:20,038 --> 00:29:21,838 Republicans lie. 479 00:29:22,471 --> 00:29:24,038 Republicans lie. 480 00:29:24,705 --> 00:29:28,305 Biggest liars in the world. Republicans lie, 481 00:29:28,305 --> 00:29:32,271 and Democrats leave out key pieces of the truth... 482 00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:35,638 [audience cheering and whistling] 483 00:29:35,638 --> 00:29:39,238 that would lead to a more nuanced argument. 484 00:29:39,238 --> 00:29:41,371 The whole country is fucked up. 485 00:29:41,371 --> 00:29:43,605 School shootings every week. 486 00:29:44,105 --> 00:29:45,971 Fucking opioid epidemic. 487 00:29:45,971 --> 00:29:50,571 Abortion is illegal in most of the country. 488 00:29:51,405 --> 00:29:53,605 In most of the country, abortion's illegal. 489 00:29:54,505 --> 00:29:57,838 A lot of people say, "Chris, you shouldn't talk about abortion." 490 00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,238 "It's a women's issue." 491 00:30:00,038 --> 00:30:03,238 Say, "Chris! You shouldn't talk about abortion." 492 00:30:03,738 --> 00:30:05,271 "It's a women's issue." 493 00:30:05,771 --> 00:30:06,838 And I'm like, "Hey." 494 00:30:07,338 --> 00:30:11,271 "I've paid for more abortions than any woman in this room." 495 00:30:17,438 --> 00:30:19,505 Shit, when I go to the clinic, I say, 496 00:30:19,505 --> 00:30:20,671 "Gimme the usual." 497 00:30:25,638 --> 00:30:29,405 When I go in there, they give me a punch card. "Here you go." 498 00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:32,505 Two more and I get a free smoothie. 499 00:30:34,971 --> 00:30:36,205 "Mango." 500 00:30:37,638 --> 00:30:39,638 That's right, pro-life, pro-choice. 501 00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:42,905 Pro-life, pro-choice, what are you, what are you? 502 00:30:43,405 --> 00:30:47,371 I have two beautiful daughters. I have two beautiful daughters, right? 503 00:30:48,605 --> 00:30:49,438 And... 504 00:30:51,438 --> 00:30:53,371 So, there's a part of me... 505 00:30:53,871 --> 00:30:55,138 There's a part of me 506 00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:59,205 that's pro-life, okay? 507 00:30:59,205 --> 00:31:02,205 'Cause I'm definitely pro their lives. 508 00:31:03,671 --> 00:31:06,471 Okay? So, there's a part of me that's pro-life. 509 00:31:06,971 --> 00:31:09,505 But since I love my daughters unconditionally-- 510 00:31:09,505 --> 00:31:13,171 I love them not just as little girls, I love them as grown women. 511 00:31:13,671 --> 00:31:16,205 I want my daughters to live in a world 512 00:31:16,205 --> 00:31:20,205 where they have complete control of their bodies, okay? 513 00:31:20,305 --> 00:31:22,205 - [audience cheering] - Okay? 514 00:31:24,938 --> 00:31:26,138 And because of that, 515 00:31:27,171 --> 00:31:29,171 I am pro-choice. 516 00:31:29,171 --> 00:31:33,338 I am absolutely pro-choice, okay? 517 00:31:33,338 --> 00:31:37,705 I believe women should have the right to kill babies. 518 00:31:37,705 --> 00:31:39,271 [scattered laughs] 519 00:31:43,205 --> 00:31:45,005 That's right. I'm on your side. 520 00:31:46,305 --> 00:31:51,305 I believe you should have the right to kill as many babies as you want. 521 00:31:52,271 --> 00:31:54,338 Kill 'em all, I don't give a fuck. 522 00:31:55,638 --> 00:31:58,605 But let's not get it twisted, it is killing a baby. 523 00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:02,105 'Cause whenever I pay for an abortion, 524 00:32:02,105 --> 00:32:03,905 I request a dead baby. 525 00:32:05,105 --> 00:32:08,171 Sometimes, I call up the doctor like a hit man. 526 00:32:08,171 --> 00:32:09,071 "Is it done?" 527 00:32:11,605 --> 00:32:12,938 [laughs] 528 00:32:13,205 --> 00:32:16,838 And people argue first trimester, second trimester. 529 00:32:16,838 --> 00:32:18,938 First trimester, second trimester. 530 00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:25,571 I think women should have the right to kill a baby until it's four years old. 531 00:32:33,538 --> 00:32:36,871 That's right, fuck trimester. Semester. 532 00:32:41,038 --> 00:32:45,938 I think you should be able to kill a baby till you get that first report card. 533 00:32:47,305 --> 00:32:50,505 [exclaims] "He ain't never getting a scholarship." 534 00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:55,271 "Okay, you can finish watching Stranger Things, 535 00:32:56,771 --> 00:32:58,971 but when it's over, we going to the clinic." 536 00:33:00,638 --> 00:33:03,038 "Hurry up, I'm trying to get a smoothie." 537 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:13,971 That's right. Pro-life, pro-choice. I'm pro-choice. I'm pro-choice. 538 00:33:13,971 --> 00:33:17,871 I'm pro right choice. I'm pro good choice. I'm pro practical choice. 539 00:33:18,505 --> 00:33:19,338 Like, ladies... 540 00:33:20,538 --> 00:33:21,605 Ladies, listen to me. 541 00:33:23,705 --> 00:33:27,105 If you have to pay 542 00:33:27,971 --> 00:33:30,671 for your own abortion, 543 00:33:32,105 --> 00:33:33,538 you should get an abortion. 544 00:33:43,371 --> 00:33:46,938 Stop letting broke dicks cum inside of you. 545 00:33:52,805 --> 00:33:55,171 This has been a public service announcement. 546 00:33:58,305 --> 00:33:59,605 I'm on your side! 547 00:34:00,105 --> 00:34:01,471 I'm on your side. 548 00:34:01,971 --> 00:34:06,538 Everybody cares about abortion, trying to save these bad-ass kids. 549 00:34:08,171 --> 00:34:11,538 You know, whenever some kid goes crazy at a school, 550 00:34:11,538 --> 00:34:15,305 they always say, "No child... No child is born is racist." 551 00:34:15,805 --> 00:34:17,671 "No child is born hating." 552 00:34:18,171 --> 00:34:21,638 "You have to teach a child to hate. All children are good." 553 00:34:22,405 --> 00:34:24,305 "All children are born pure." 554 00:34:24,805 --> 00:34:28,138 You know, only people without kids say dumb shit like that. 555 00:34:29,571 --> 00:34:34,038 Kids are the meanest motherfuckers on the face of the earth. 556 00:34:34,038 --> 00:34:38,538 They're the most racist, sexist, homophobic, fat-a-phobic, 557 00:34:38,538 --> 00:34:43,838 will-say-anything-to-your-face motherfuckers on Earth, okay? 558 00:34:47,171 --> 00:34:52,638 You realize human beings, we have the worst offspring of any animal. 559 00:34:53,471 --> 00:34:56,671 We're the only animal in the whole animal kingdom 560 00:34:56,671 --> 00:35:01,405 that has to raise its kids for 18 years. 561 00:35:02,638 --> 00:35:06,938 Eighteen years. Every other animal's like two or three days. 562 00:35:09,871 --> 00:35:11,338 Like, birds are like, 563 00:35:11,338 --> 00:35:12,805 "I hope you can fly." 564 00:35:17,205 --> 00:35:20,938 [chuckles] Eighteen years! And they still bad! 565 00:35:20,938 --> 00:35:22,771 And they still fuck up. 566 00:35:23,671 --> 00:35:26,771 "No, kids are born good." Shut the fuck up, man. 567 00:35:26,771 --> 00:35:30,405 My oldest daughter, Lola, used to bite kids. 568 00:35:31,471 --> 00:35:32,305 Bite 'em. 569 00:35:32,971 --> 00:35:34,905 That's right. You'd be at a birthday party. 570 00:35:34,905 --> 00:35:36,938 "Happy birthday to..." [yelps in pain] 571 00:35:40,838 --> 00:35:43,271 You look around, Lola done bit somebody. 572 00:35:44,071 --> 00:35:47,171 Now, let me ask you something. Do you think me and her mother 573 00:35:47,171 --> 00:35:48,605 taught her to bite? 574 00:35:50,105 --> 00:35:52,705 Do you think me and her mother sharpened her teeth? 575 00:35:54,605 --> 00:35:57,305 Do you think we bought her mannequins to practice on? 576 00:35:58,038 --> 00:36:00,205 No, that's just who the fuck she is. 577 00:36:01,538 --> 00:36:03,571 That's just her nature. 578 00:36:03,571 --> 00:36:06,038 She came out the womb like Wolverine. 579 00:36:07,771 --> 00:36:10,738 I love my kids. I love my kids, but I don't like them. 580 00:36:12,071 --> 00:36:13,205 I don't like my kids. 581 00:36:13,205 --> 00:36:16,538 You know one reason I don't like my kids? 'Cause my kids are rich. 582 00:36:17,005 --> 00:36:19,271 My kids are rich and spoiled. 583 00:36:19,271 --> 00:36:21,405 I know some people are like, "Chris, you're rich." 584 00:36:21,405 --> 00:36:22,838 Yeah, I'm rich. 585 00:36:22,838 --> 00:36:25,305 But I identify as poor. 586 00:36:25,671 --> 00:36:27,471 [audience laughing and applauding] 587 00:36:29,505 --> 00:36:30,638 [man] Whoo! 588 00:36:31,738 --> 00:36:34,638 That's right, my pronoun is broke. 589 00:36:36,805 --> 00:36:38,171 That's right, man. 590 00:36:38,171 --> 00:36:39,705 And my kids are spoiled. 591 00:36:39,705 --> 00:36:43,205 My kids are fucking spoiled and I did it. 592 00:36:43,205 --> 00:36:45,938 Me and their mother, but I fucking did it. 593 00:36:45,938 --> 00:36:48,638 A lot, a lot of Black people get a little money, and they're like, 594 00:36:48,638 --> 00:36:51,405 "I want my kids to know how it is in the hood." Not me. 595 00:36:52,705 --> 00:36:54,405 I want the exact opposite. 596 00:36:54,405 --> 00:36:57,405 I want my kids to know shit about the hood. 597 00:36:57,405 --> 00:37:01,071 I want them to be lost every time they're in a hood, okay? 598 00:37:01,071 --> 00:37:05,871 My kids went to the best schools on Earth, okay? 599 00:37:05,871 --> 00:37:09,871 My kids speak multiple languages, okay? 600 00:37:10,405 --> 00:37:13,871 Sometimes they curse me out, I don't even know what they talkin' about. 601 00:37:14,571 --> 00:37:19,571 My kids ski, they ride horses, they fence. 602 00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:22,671 I've got fencing Black girls, 603 00:37:24,571 --> 00:37:26,205 with afro puffs, 604 00:37:26,971 --> 00:37:29,071 talking about, "Touché, nigga." 605 00:37:31,505 --> 00:37:34,371 That's right. You can't fuck with the Rock girls, boy. 606 00:37:34,371 --> 00:37:36,371 Them Rock girls are fucking spoiled. 607 00:37:37,071 --> 00:37:38,871 I remember my youngest, Zahra, 608 00:37:38,871 --> 00:37:41,705 when she was in kindergarten, one day, the teacher said, 609 00:37:42,305 --> 00:37:45,738 "Today, we're gonna learn about the four seasons." 610 00:37:45,738 --> 00:37:48,871 And Zahra said, "That's my favorite hotel." 611 00:37:51,771 --> 00:37:54,005 [laughs] 612 00:37:54,005 --> 00:37:56,605 Yeah, you ain't never seen Black girls like this. 613 00:37:57,338 --> 00:38:00,271 My kids are fucking spoiled. 614 00:38:00,271 --> 00:38:02,238 That's right. And I did it, man. 615 00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:04,838 When they were little kids, I used to take them to Disney a lot. 616 00:38:04,838 --> 00:38:07,138 Used to take them to Disney all the time, right? 617 00:38:07,138 --> 00:38:10,105 But I ain't take them like normal people, no. 618 00:38:10,105 --> 00:38:13,005 That's right. We went on the Illuminati package. 619 00:38:15,171 --> 00:38:17,605 We weren't out there waiting to meet the characters, 620 00:38:17,605 --> 00:38:18,871 like everybody else. 621 00:38:18,871 --> 00:38:21,638 We were backstage chilling with the characters. 622 00:38:22,371 --> 00:38:24,705 That's right. I smoked a joint with Goofy. 623 00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:30,238 Fucking Minnie gave me a lap dance. 624 00:38:31,438 --> 00:38:33,471 Rubbed that big rat ass on me. 625 00:38:36,905 --> 00:38:38,938 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 626 00:38:38,938 --> 00:38:39,971 That's right, man. 627 00:38:39,971 --> 00:38:42,638 My kids had it good. Had it much better than me. 628 00:38:42,638 --> 00:38:45,938 'Cause when I was a kid, we went to Disney. 629 00:38:45,938 --> 00:38:48,271 That's right. Me, my mother, and my brothers, 630 00:38:48,271 --> 00:38:50,805 we went to Disney as poor people. 631 00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:53,371 On a church trip. 632 00:38:55,371 --> 00:38:57,471 [chuckling] Sad already, ain't it? 633 00:38:58,671 --> 00:39:01,171 On a church trip. 634 00:39:02,038 --> 00:39:06,905 New York to Orlando, in August, 635 00:39:07,405 --> 00:39:11,238 on a bus with no AC. 636 00:39:12,238 --> 00:39:15,405 It was so hot, I thought we were going to see the Devil. 637 00:39:17,738 --> 00:39:20,205 Took us two days to get there, 638 00:39:20,205 --> 00:39:23,005 'cause the driver was selling weed on the way. 639 00:39:25,138 --> 00:39:28,405 And when we finally got there, we weren't really there, 640 00:39:28,405 --> 00:39:33,238 'cause Disney's in Orlando, and our hotel was in Alabama. 641 00:39:38,805 --> 00:39:42,071 And we're staying in some nasty motel. 642 00:39:42,071 --> 00:39:45,805 It had a bed that vibrates if you put a quarter in it. 643 00:39:45,805 --> 00:39:49,805 We're little kids. We don't know this is a nasty, cummed-up mattress. 644 00:39:52,171 --> 00:39:55,571 And we're begging my mother, "Mommy, can you put another quarter in?" 645 00:39:57,105 --> 00:40:01,638 And my mother's like, "I'm gonna put a quarter in, but this counts as a ride." 646 00:40:02,805 --> 00:40:04,738 [chuckling] God damn. 647 00:40:05,571 --> 00:40:07,505 Best time of my life. 648 00:40:07,505 --> 00:40:10,671 Now, my kids, my kids, yes, they're spoiled. 649 00:40:11,638 --> 00:40:12,605 Yes, they are spoiled, 650 00:40:12,605 --> 00:40:15,338 but they get in trouble just like any other kids. 651 00:40:15,338 --> 00:40:16,738 So about three years ago, 652 00:40:16,738 --> 00:40:20,705 my oldest, Lola, was a senior in high school, right? 653 00:40:20,705 --> 00:40:24,538 And they went on a class trip. It was time for a class trip. 654 00:40:24,538 --> 00:40:27,205 Now, a fancy school has a fancy trip. 655 00:40:27,971 --> 00:40:31,405 So their class trip was to Portugal. 656 00:40:33,038 --> 00:40:35,405 Ain't that some shit? Portugal. 657 00:40:35,405 --> 00:40:37,971 When I was a kid, we went to the Bronx Zoo. 658 00:40:39,905 --> 00:40:41,738 Watched a gorilla jerk off. 659 00:40:44,205 --> 00:40:46,205 And then had to write a report about it. 660 00:40:48,105 --> 00:40:49,771 "He held it tightly." 661 00:40:52,171 --> 00:40:54,471 So Lola goes on the class trip, 662 00:40:54,471 --> 00:40:58,971 and she's in Portugal, doing whatever Portuguese shit they do. 663 00:40:59,705 --> 00:41:03,738 And one day, Lola, and four of her little white girl friends 664 00:41:03,738 --> 00:41:07,938 decide that they're bored and they're gonna leave the class. 665 00:41:08,571 --> 00:41:12,605 They're gonna sneak away, go to a bar, and get drunk. 666 00:41:13,538 --> 00:41:16,071 And then they tried to sneak back in. 667 00:41:16,705 --> 00:41:19,971 But of course, they got busted. Of course, they got busted. 668 00:41:20,938 --> 00:41:23,471 Now, these crazy, rich, white schools, 669 00:41:23,471 --> 00:41:25,171 they don't play that shit. 670 00:41:25,905 --> 00:41:29,005 You get busted sneaking out drinking, they're like, "You are kicked out." 671 00:41:29,771 --> 00:41:30,771 But... 672 00:41:31,705 --> 00:41:34,171 But, this school, of course, 673 00:41:34,171 --> 00:41:38,638 these crazy white schools got rich-ass white parents. 674 00:41:38,638 --> 00:41:42,905 And rich-ass white parents do not let their kids get kicked out of school. 675 00:41:43,605 --> 00:41:47,138 So all these rich-ass parents, they've all got lawyers. 676 00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:50,671 Even the ones that were lawyers, got lawyers. 677 00:41:52,405 --> 00:41:54,038 Okay? And they got them good lawyers. 678 00:41:54,038 --> 00:41:56,771 They got those NFL rape lawyers. 679 00:42:00,238 --> 00:42:01,538 Like, I'm not advocating rape. 680 00:42:01,538 --> 00:42:04,805 But if you're ever on trial, that's who you want, okay? 681 00:42:04,805 --> 00:42:07,305 Either that, or Robert Kardashian, right? 682 00:42:08,671 --> 00:42:10,771 And they got the good lawyers, right? 683 00:42:10,771 --> 00:42:12,271 I didn't want a lawyer at first. 684 00:42:12,271 --> 00:42:15,638 I didn't want to get a lawyer because I was mad at my child. 685 00:42:15,638 --> 00:42:18,771 I was mad. I was like, "Lola, what the fuck is going on?" 686 00:42:18,771 --> 00:42:20,805 "First, you're biting. Now, this shit?" 687 00:42:22,838 --> 00:42:24,271 And I tried to talk to my ex-wife. 688 00:42:24,271 --> 00:42:26,971 I was like, "Let's wait before we get a lawyer." 689 00:42:26,971 --> 00:42:29,771 "Let's see how this turns out. Let's see how it unfolds." 690 00:42:29,771 --> 00:42:31,305 My ex-wife's like, "No, fuck that." 691 00:42:31,305 --> 00:42:33,838 "We're getting a lawyer, and we're gonna sue this school." 692 00:42:33,838 --> 00:42:36,505 "We're gonna sue this dean. We're gonna sue these teachers." 693 00:42:36,505 --> 00:42:38,771 "I can't even believe they let her out of their sight." 694 00:42:38,771 --> 00:42:40,438 "We are suing these people." 695 00:42:40,438 --> 00:42:42,938 And I started to argue with her, 696 00:42:42,938 --> 00:42:46,871 but the last time I argued with my ex-wife about a lawyer, 697 00:42:46,871 --> 00:42:48,271 I lost my house. 698 00:42:51,405 --> 00:42:53,138 So we got a lawyer. We got a lawyer. 699 00:42:53,771 --> 00:42:55,471 And I'm talking to the lawyer, 700 00:42:55,471 --> 00:42:58,405 and the lawyer's like, "Okay, okay, I talked to some people." 701 00:42:58,405 --> 00:43:00,371 "And if you give me ten days, 702 00:43:00,371 --> 00:43:02,805 I should be able to get her back in the school." 703 00:43:03,305 --> 00:43:05,271 So Lola's home for ten days. 704 00:43:05,271 --> 00:43:11,571 One day, I come home from work and I see Lola outside just laughing 705 00:43:11,571 --> 00:43:15,038 with, like, three of her little white girl friends, just laughing. 706 00:43:15,838 --> 00:43:20,305 You ever just want to choke your child for smiling? 707 00:43:20,305 --> 00:43:23,538 Like, motherfucker, what are you smiling about right now? 708 00:43:23,538 --> 00:43:26,271 So I walk over to Lola. I'm like, "Lola, what's so funny?" 709 00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:27,738 "What is so funny?" 710 00:43:27,738 --> 00:43:29,871 And Lola's like, "Daddy, stop it!" 711 00:43:29,871 --> 00:43:33,105 "You're so serious. I'll be back in school in no time." 712 00:43:33,605 --> 00:43:36,238 And I'm like, "Look at this smug motherfucker." 713 00:43:37,105 --> 00:43:39,671 And at that moment, I kind of snapped. 714 00:43:39,671 --> 00:43:41,605 And I got back in the car. 715 00:43:41,605 --> 00:43:45,305 I got back in the fucking car and I drove to the school. 716 00:43:45,305 --> 00:43:47,038 I drove to the school and found the dean. 717 00:43:47,038 --> 00:43:49,438 I was like, "Hey, we need to talk." 718 00:43:50,271 --> 00:43:51,971 "I know you're going through it right now." 719 00:43:51,971 --> 00:43:54,605 "I know you've got a lot of parents trying to sue you, 720 00:43:54,605 --> 00:43:58,938 and trying to sue the school, and trying to get you fired, 721 00:43:58,938 --> 00:44:00,271 but I need a favor." 722 00:44:01,271 --> 00:44:05,638 "I need you to kick my daughter out of this school." 723 00:44:07,338 --> 00:44:12,305 "I need you to kick her Black ass out of this school." 724 00:44:12,305 --> 00:44:17,971 "I need my Black child to learn her lesson right now, 725 00:44:17,971 --> 00:44:21,238 before she ends up on OnlyFans or some shit." 726 00:44:22,238 --> 00:44:26,638 "Please kick my child out of fucking school." 727 00:44:26,638 --> 00:44:27,705 And they kicked her out. 728 00:44:27,705 --> 00:44:31,538 They kicked them all out, but they kicked my child out first, 729 00:44:31,538 --> 00:44:33,538 okay? 'Cause I'm a celebrity. 730 00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,671 And I went home, 731 00:44:36,671 --> 00:44:39,205 act like I didn't know what was about to happen. 732 00:44:40,005 --> 00:44:42,371 The phone rang. I was like, "Lola, you should get that." 733 00:44:45,638 --> 00:44:48,105 I act like I didn't know shit. 734 00:44:48,105 --> 00:44:51,405 And Lola got the phone and they gave her the news. 735 00:44:51,405 --> 00:44:53,705 And then Lola comes in all sad. 736 00:44:53,705 --> 00:44:56,038 [crying] "Daddy, they kicked me out of school." 737 00:44:56,038 --> 00:44:59,205 And I was like, "I told you them crackers are mean, Lola." 738 00:45:00,605 --> 00:45:02,671 "I told you about them crackers." 739 00:45:02,671 --> 00:45:04,271 And to this day, 740 00:45:04,271 --> 00:45:07,805 Lola has no idea I had anything to do with that shit. 741 00:45:07,805 --> 00:45:11,038 And her mother has no idea I had anything to do with that shit. 742 00:45:11,038 --> 00:45:13,038 And the lawyer has no idea. 743 00:45:13,038 --> 00:45:17,305 And they won't find out till they see this shit on Netflix. 744 00:45:17,305 --> 00:45:19,538 [audience cheering] 745 00:45:26,971 --> 00:45:28,271 Here's the amazing thing. 746 00:45:28,271 --> 00:45:31,138 Here's a beautiful thing that happened. Here's a beautiful thing... 747 00:45:31,138 --> 00:45:32,405 It worked. 748 00:45:33,138 --> 00:45:36,405 The whole thing humbled Lola, my God, 749 00:45:36,405 --> 00:45:38,538 'cause Lola got kicked out of school for real. 750 00:45:38,538 --> 00:45:40,838 So she had to apply to another high school, 751 00:45:40,838 --> 00:45:44,805 and she had to write essays explaining why she got kicked out, 752 00:45:44,805 --> 00:45:46,738 and why it would never happen again. 753 00:45:46,738 --> 00:45:49,338 And when it was time for her to apply for college, 754 00:45:49,338 --> 00:45:53,538 she had to write why she got kicked out, and why it would never happen again. 755 00:45:53,538 --> 00:45:56,138 And now, three years later, 756 00:45:56,138 --> 00:45:59,738 my daughter, Lola, is one of the coolest people I have ever met. 757 00:45:59,738 --> 00:46:01,871 - She is so amazing. - [audience applauding] 758 00:46:02,471 --> 00:46:04,671 Lola Rock is amazing. 759 00:46:05,838 --> 00:46:11,538 My daughter, Lola, goes to culinary school in Paris. 760 00:46:12,971 --> 00:46:13,871 Yeah. 761 00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:17,738 Culinary school. Touché, nigga, touché. 762 00:46:19,605 --> 00:46:23,105 Culinary school in Paris. 763 00:46:23,105 --> 00:46:25,638 That's right. My greatest achievement, man. 764 00:46:25,638 --> 00:46:29,738 I mean, let's just think about it. Let's just think about it for a second. 765 00:46:29,738 --> 00:46:35,138 My mother was born in 1945. 766 00:46:35,138 --> 00:46:37,638 My mother was born in 1945, in a little town 767 00:46:37,638 --> 00:46:40,071 called Georgetown, South Carolina, right? 768 00:46:40,071 --> 00:46:41,971 And my mother told me 769 00:46:41,971 --> 00:46:45,938 when she was a little girl, it was against the law 770 00:46:45,938 --> 00:46:50,205 for a Black person to go to a white dentist. 771 00:46:50,905 --> 00:46:54,571 Against the law for a Black person to go to a white dentist, right? 772 00:46:54,571 --> 00:46:58,005 And if you were a little child and you needed your teeth taken out, 773 00:46:58,005 --> 00:47:00,438 like all children do, 774 00:47:00,438 --> 00:47:01,771 if you're a little Black child 775 00:47:01,771 --> 00:47:06,671 and you needed your teeth taken out, and you couldn't find a Black dentist, 776 00:47:06,671 --> 00:47:09,471 you had to go to a vet. 777 00:47:10,805 --> 00:47:14,571 Yeah, motherfucker. A vet in America. 778 00:47:14,571 --> 00:47:17,905 I'm talking about my mother. I'm not talking about Harriet Tubman. 779 00:47:17,905 --> 00:47:22,105 I'm talking about my mother. Shit, she's sitting over there, okay? 780 00:47:22,105 --> 00:47:25,971 - [audience cheering] - My mother went to a vet, okay? 781 00:47:27,205 --> 00:47:28,405 Went to a vet. 782 00:47:28,405 --> 00:47:30,405 And think about it. 783 00:47:30,405 --> 00:47:32,405 The same woman that had to go through 784 00:47:32,405 --> 00:47:37,438 the indignity of getting her teeth taken out by a fucking vet, 785 00:47:37,438 --> 00:47:41,771 the same woman now, twice a year, 786 00:47:41,771 --> 00:47:48,571 gets on a plane, flies to Paris, and has coffee with her granddaughter, 787 00:47:48,571 --> 00:47:51,071 who is going to culinary school. 788 00:47:52,005 --> 00:47:54,805 Touché, nigga, touché. 789 00:47:56,238 --> 00:47:57,205 Okay? 790 00:47:58,005 --> 00:47:59,938 And Lola, and my mother, 791 00:47:59,938 --> 00:48:03,438 my mother sits her down and tells her about her life, 792 00:48:03,438 --> 00:48:04,971 and then Lola bites her. 793 00:48:08,138 --> 00:48:09,171 Yes. 794 00:48:10,271 --> 00:48:11,705 Touché, nigga, touché. 795 00:48:12,505 --> 00:48:13,705 Oh, my life is good. 796 00:48:13,705 --> 00:48:17,238 I cannot complain, man. Cannot complain. 797 00:48:17,238 --> 00:48:20,605 You know, I got some bullshit going on, but it's going good. 798 00:48:20,605 --> 00:48:21,605 I'm single. 799 00:48:22,405 --> 00:48:23,238 I'm single. 800 00:48:23,971 --> 00:48:25,438 Have been single a long time. 801 00:48:25,438 --> 00:48:27,071 I was married for a long time, 802 00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:29,438 you know, I was dating somebody for a while. 803 00:48:29,438 --> 00:48:31,771 Now I'm single and here's the crazy thing. 804 00:48:31,771 --> 00:48:34,038 You don't even realize 805 00:48:34,571 --> 00:48:37,738 all the amazing little things a woman does for you 806 00:48:38,371 --> 00:48:39,605 'til you don't have one. 807 00:48:41,571 --> 00:48:42,738 You don't even realize 'em. 808 00:48:42,738 --> 00:48:46,638 Women do so many things that you don't even realize. 809 00:48:46,638 --> 00:48:48,738 Like the other night, I'm trying to get some sleep 810 00:48:48,738 --> 00:48:52,238 trying to sleep, couldn't sleep, trying to sleep, couldn't sleep. 811 00:48:52,938 --> 00:48:54,671 And suddenly it dawned on me, I was like, 812 00:48:55,971 --> 00:48:57,671 "This pillowcase is filthy." 813 00:49:04,105 --> 00:49:06,005 "Are we supposed to change these?" 814 00:49:08,171 --> 00:49:11,105 I flipped it over it was black and greasy. 815 00:49:11,705 --> 00:49:14,571 I was like, "Did Draymond Green sleep on this part of the bed?" 816 00:49:15,871 --> 00:49:18,171 - That shit was black, man. - Yeah. 817 00:49:18,171 --> 00:49:19,371 Try to date. 818 00:49:19,371 --> 00:49:21,705 Trying to fucking date is hard. 819 00:49:21,705 --> 00:49:26,038 'Cause on one hand, you know, I'm loving, I want a real relationship. 820 00:49:26,638 --> 00:49:28,271 "I want a Sunday kind of love." 821 00:49:29,371 --> 00:49:31,605 And the other time, on the other hand, I'm just a ho. 822 00:49:32,871 --> 00:49:35,071 I'm just bad. I'm like, "Ah, fuck all this shit." 823 00:49:35,905 --> 00:49:37,638 Like I'm all fucked up, we all got that. 824 00:49:37,638 --> 00:49:40,138 Like, ladies, I will lick your ass 825 00:49:41,638 --> 00:49:43,405 and never call you again. 826 00:49:46,005 --> 00:49:49,071 But if we hold hands, you my girl. 827 00:49:51,671 --> 00:49:52,738 Why is that? 828 00:49:52,738 --> 00:49:57,671 Why is holding hands more intimate than licking ass? 829 00:49:58,571 --> 00:49:59,938 That don't make no sense. 830 00:50:01,105 --> 00:50:04,005 I'm doing the Netflix special tonight, I'm making a ton of money, 831 00:50:04,005 --> 00:50:05,871 I might lick somebody's ass tonight. 832 00:50:06,905 --> 00:50:09,438 But I know, I ain't holding nobody's hand. 833 00:50:12,005 --> 00:50:14,238 I know that shit. [laughs] 834 00:50:14,238 --> 00:50:18,305 I can't tell you every woman I fucked, but I know every hand I ever held. 835 00:50:20,771 --> 00:50:22,971 I'm trying to date, trying to date. 836 00:50:22,971 --> 00:50:24,905 Trying to date women my age, 837 00:50:25,571 --> 00:50:29,138 which is 10 to 15 years younger than me. 838 00:50:31,538 --> 00:50:34,671 Don't hate the player, hate the game. 839 00:50:35,271 --> 00:50:36,171 You're right. 840 00:50:36,171 --> 00:50:40,638 I didn't get rich and stay in shape to talk about Anita Baker. 841 00:50:42,871 --> 00:50:46,605 [laughs] 842 00:50:46,605 --> 00:50:48,471 I'm trying to fuck Doja Cat. 843 00:50:54,305 --> 00:50:57,438 [guffaws] 844 00:50:57,438 --> 00:50:59,305 Yeah, nigga, yeah. 845 00:51:00,338 --> 00:51:02,505 No, man, a lot of people think 846 00:51:03,071 --> 00:51:05,305 men date younger women 'cause they're younger. 847 00:51:05,305 --> 00:51:07,105 No, not at all. 848 00:51:07,105 --> 00:51:09,805 Men do not date younger women 'cause they're younger. 849 00:51:10,471 --> 00:51:11,938 Men date younger women 850 00:51:13,071 --> 00:51:15,771 'cause they're less expensive to date. 851 00:51:17,171 --> 00:51:19,305 That is what it all boils down to. 852 00:51:19,305 --> 00:51:23,905 See, you go out with a 25-year-old, she just wants a pair of shoes. 853 00:51:24,305 --> 00:51:27,071 [imitating a woman] "I saw these shoes. Can I get these shoes?" 854 00:51:27,071 --> 00:51:29,705 "I saw these shoes. Can I get these shoes?" 855 00:51:29,705 --> 00:51:32,938 "I really like these shoes. Can I get these shoes?" 856 00:51:32,938 --> 00:51:34,505 "Can I send you the link?" 857 00:51:35,971 --> 00:51:37,338 "Can I send you the link?" 858 00:51:37,338 --> 00:51:40,905 "I want to get these shoes. Can I get these shoes?" 859 00:51:40,905 --> 00:51:42,338 "You can Venmo me." 860 00:51:43,138 --> 00:51:45,605 "That's the app I put on your phone three weeks ago." 861 00:51:46,338 --> 00:51:47,738 "Can I get these shoes?" 862 00:51:48,305 --> 00:51:49,971 [normal voice] And if you're lucky, 863 00:51:49,971 --> 00:51:52,671 your 25-year-old will model those shoes for you. 864 00:51:52,671 --> 00:51:54,705 That's right. You go, "Fuck it. Get your shoes." 865 00:51:55,271 --> 00:51:57,771 And if you're lucky, she will model them for you naked. 866 00:51:58,638 --> 00:52:01,371 She's like, "You like your shoes, Daddy?" "You like your shoes?" 867 00:52:01,371 --> 00:52:04,671 [imitating a woman] "You like your shoes, Daddy?" "You like your shoes?" 868 00:52:04,671 --> 00:52:06,538 [normal voice] And everybody's happy 869 00:52:07,405 --> 00:52:09,705 for the price of a pair of shoes. 870 00:52:10,671 --> 00:52:13,338 That's what it's like to date a 25 year old. 871 00:52:14,071 --> 00:52:16,138 You go out with a 45, 50? 872 00:52:16,805 --> 00:52:18,605 They want more than shoes. 873 00:52:20,771 --> 00:52:24,305 [chuckles] You go out with a 45, 50-year-old, she's like, 874 00:52:25,338 --> 00:52:27,438 "Can you help me fix my roof?" 875 00:52:28,005 --> 00:52:29,538 [audience laughs] 876 00:52:33,905 --> 00:52:34,971 Goddamn. 877 00:52:36,071 --> 00:52:37,771 That ain't sexy at all. 878 00:52:39,571 --> 00:52:42,005 What, I got to get estimates for this pussy? 879 00:52:45,171 --> 00:52:50,205 I got to see contractors for this pussy, goddamn. [laughs] 880 00:52:50,205 --> 00:52:54,371 You go out with a 45, 50-year-old, they got a house that's falling apart. 881 00:52:55,038 --> 00:52:56,938 They're like, "You know anybody with a snake?" 882 00:52:58,805 --> 00:52:59,671 A snake? 883 00:53:00,305 --> 00:53:02,205 You don't want my dick to ever get hard. 884 00:53:05,438 --> 00:53:07,338 You go out with a 45, 50-year-old, 885 00:53:07,338 --> 00:53:09,538 they always got a car that's falling apart. 886 00:53:10,305 --> 00:53:11,671 Car's a piece of shit. 887 00:53:12,438 --> 00:53:16,305 They always got the worst version of a good car. 888 00:53:18,405 --> 00:53:19,705 The car got a good name, 889 00:53:19,705 --> 00:53:23,171 but they got the worst version they ever made. 890 00:53:23,171 --> 00:53:25,438 Like a Mercedes 308. 891 00:53:27,205 --> 00:53:28,871 What the fuck's a 308? 892 00:53:29,538 --> 00:53:32,071 Four-cylinder and you roll the window down? 893 00:53:33,038 --> 00:53:34,571 Who sold you this shit? 894 00:53:36,038 --> 00:53:38,338 They got a Tesla that takes gas. 895 00:53:41,805 --> 00:53:44,171 You're like, "Who sold you this shit?" 896 00:53:45,038 --> 00:53:46,405 What the fuck? 897 00:53:47,205 --> 00:53:49,271 God, man, but the pussy good. 898 00:53:49,271 --> 00:53:52,705 The pussy, that 45, 50-year-old pussy, it's good. 899 00:53:53,305 --> 00:53:54,838 That's right, it simmered longer. 900 00:53:55,838 --> 00:53:58,471 It's been on the pot a little longer. 901 00:53:59,338 --> 00:54:03,038 That's right, that 45, 50-year-old pussy is like spaghetti. 902 00:54:04,705 --> 00:54:06,471 It's better the next day. 903 00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:11,971 It really is, really is. Whoo! 904 00:54:11,971 --> 00:54:13,938 It really fucking is. 905 00:54:14,638 --> 00:54:18,138 And they always got a fucked up car then you get that good pussy. 906 00:54:18,138 --> 00:54:20,438 You get that good 45, 50-year-old pussy 907 00:54:20,438 --> 00:54:22,705 you think you leaving the house, "Okay, see you later." 908 00:54:22,705 --> 00:54:26,071 And then she's like, "No, no, no, no, no. I need a favor." 909 00:54:27,671 --> 00:54:31,038 "Can you come with me to the mechanic to pick up my car?" 910 00:54:32,005 --> 00:54:34,871 "I need you to come 'cause if I go alone they're gonna take advantage." 911 00:54:36,871 --> 00:54:39,405 So now you gotta go with her to pick up her car. 912 00:54:39,705 --> 00:54:41,738 You don't even know what's wrong with the car. 913 00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:43,838 But you gotta go. 914 00:54:44,505 --> 00:54:48,871 And you just standing there like some sort of sexual scarecrow. 915 00:54:50,971 --> 00:54:54,871 - [chuckling] - [man whoops] 916 00:54:54,871 --> 00:54:59,771 And the mechanic's like, "That's $500," and you're like... [screeches] 917 00:55:05,238 --> 00:55:08,238 And then the mechanic says, "Okay, $450." 918 00:55:09,471 --> 00:55:12,871 And then she goes, "I only got $35." 919 00:55:14,371 --> 00:55:16,871 Bitch, you fucking played me! 920 00:55:17,571 --> 00:55:19,105 I just got your roof fixed. 921 00:55:22,005 --> 00:55:25,105 They say women have all, they say men have all the power. 922 00:55:25,105 --> 00:55:26,871 They say men have all the power. 923 00:55:27,438 --> 00:55:30,438 But we don't. We don't have all the power. 924 00:55:30,438 --> 00:55:32,438 Women have the power. 925 00:55:33,105 --> 00:55:35,671 - You got all the fucking power. - [scattered applause] 926 00:55:35,671 --> 00:55:36,671 That's right. 927 00:55:36,671 --> 00:55:41,371 'Cause there's nothing more powerful than female beauty. 928 00:55:42,105 --> 00:55:44,405 Nothing more powerful, that's right. 929 00:55:44,938 --> 00:55:47,538 A beautiful woman can stop traffic. 930 00:55:48,371 --> 00:55:51,538 There is nothing about a man that can stop traffic. 931 00:55:53,305 --> 00:55:54,205 Now, that's right. 932 00:55:54,205 --> 00:55:58,471 You could be a dead man on a highway with your dick out 933 00:55:59,738 --> 00:56:02,205 and they will drive around your dead ass. 934 00:56:04,171 --> 00:56:06,905 There's nothing [chuckling] 935 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:10,671 more powerful than female beauty. 936 00:56:10,671 --> 00:56:13,571 You call it female beauty, you can call it pussy. 937 00:56:14,471 --> 00:56:16,071 Call it whatever you want, man. 938 00:56:16,071 --> 00:56:18,538 Shit, I've been working, 939 00:56:18,538 --> 00:56:21,438 I've been working since I was seven years old. 940 00:56:21,438 --> 00:56:23,338 Been working for almost 50 years. 941 00:56:23,871 --> 00:56:26,671 Seven years old! I used to sweep up at a supermarket. 942 00:56:27,238 --> 00:56:29,505 I've been working since I was seven years old. 943 00:56:30,305 --> 00:56:34,238 And I have made millions of dollars, okay? 944 00:56:35,205 --> 00:56:38,871 And every dime I have ever made 945 00:56:39,838 --> 00:56:43,205 I have spent it on pussy. 946 00:56:45,605 --> 00:56:47,938 Every fucking cent! 947 00:56:47,938 --> 00:56:51,038 Either pussy or pussy adjacent. 948 00:56:52,571 --> 00:56:54,838 Every fucking dime. 949 00:56:54,838 --> 00:56:57,405 Getting the pussy hair done, 950 00:56:57,405 --> 00:56:59,538 getting the pussy taxes done, 951 00:56:59,538 --> 00:57:01,871 getting the pussy's son into camp, 952 00:57:01,871 --> 00:57:03,805 getting the pussy's tooth fixed, 953 00:57:04,305 --> 00:57:06,805 getting the pussy's driveway done, 954 00:57:06,805 --> 00:57:09,738 getting the pussy's mama some life insurance, 955 00:57:09,738 --> 00:57:12,271 getting the pussy bunion surgery. 956 00:57:12,871 --> 00:57:17,105 I've paid more college loans off than Joe Biden. 957 00:57:23,838 --> 00:57:25,005 Motherfucker. 958 00:57:26,538 --> 00:57:28,205 Spent all my money on pussy. 959 00:57:28,205 --> 00:57:31,571 And if I had a chance to do it again I'd spend it on pussy again. 960 00:57:33,471 --> 00:57:37,671 They say men have all the advantages. No, we don't. 961 00:57:38,338 --> 00:57:41,605 That's right, man. Women you got all the advantages. 962 00:57:41,605 --> 00:57:46,138 You ever notice how you can tell what kind of neighborhood you in? 963 00:57:47,338 --> 00:57:49,905 Just by who's not working? 964 00:57:52,738 --> 00:57:55,838 Think about it for one sec, you can tell what kind of neighborhood you in 965 00:57:55,838 --> 00:57:58,505 just by who's not working. 966 00:57:58,505 --> 00:58:01,305 If you're in any neighborhood in America, 967 00:58:01,305 --> 00:58:05,938 at 12:15 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, 968 00:58:05,938 --> 00:58:12,205 and you see women with sweatpants on coming out the gym, 969 00:58:12,205 --> 00:58:15,405 pushing babies, riding bikes. 970 00:58:15,405 --> 00:58:19,371 That's right, having brunch, going to SoulCycle. 971 00:58:21,138 --> 00:58:23,771 Chances are you're in a nice neighborhood. 972 00:58:24,705 --> 00:58:26,771 There's probably a Whole Foods nearby. 973 00:58:28,105 --> 00:58:33,071 That's right, wherever women ain't working is an amazing place to live. 974 00:58:33,071 --> 00:58:34,371 That's where I want to live. 975 00:58:34,371 --> 00:58:38,538 I want to live in a place where women are voluntarily not working. 976 00:58:39,138 --> 00:58:41,805 That is where I want to live. Now, let's switch it up. 977 00:58:42,738 --> 00:58:45,971 If you're in any neighborhood in America, 978 00:58:45,971 --> 00:58:49,738 at 12:15 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, 979 00:58:49,738 --> 00:58:51,238 and you see men 980 00:58:52,605 --> 00:58:54,005 in sweatpants, 981 00:58:55,138 --> 00:58:56,605 smoking cigarettes, 982 00:58:57,171 --> 00:58:59,171 hanging with their boys, 983 00:58:59,171 --> 00:59:01,671 lifting weights in the yard, 984 00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:05,071 riding children's bicycles, 985 00:59:06,071 --> 00:59:08,571 as their actual transportation, 986 00:59:09,305 --> 00:59:11,438 then you are in danger. 987 00:59:15,638 --> 00:59:20,305 Wherever men don't work is fucking dangerous, that's right. 988 00:59:20,838 --> 00:59:23,871 That's right, that's right, women have all the power, shit. 989 00:59:23,871 --> 00:59:26,638 My ex-wife is the smartest woman I know. 990 00:59:27,471 --> 00:59:29,505 She got just as much money as me 991 00:59:30,138 --> 00:59:31,871 ain't funny at all. 992 00:59:35,638 --> 00:59:38,371 - [man whoops] - [Chris Rock laughs] 993 00:59:38,371 --> 00:59:40,205 God bless her. God bless her. 994 00:59:40,205 --> 00:59:44,471 Nothing more powerful than female beauty. Nothing. 995 00:59:44,471 --> 00:59:46,505 Just look at Beyoncé. 996 00:59:47,738 --> 00:59:50,238 Whoo! Can't wait for that tour. 997 00:59:51,371 --> 00:59:53,771 That's right, man, Beyoncé. Now I know she talented. 998 00:59:53,771 --> 00:59:57,438 She is so talented, man. She's extremely talented. 999 00:59:57,971 --> 00:59:59,938 But even with all that talent 1000 01:00:00,905 --> 01:00:03,338 ain't nothing more powerful than the beauty. 1001 01:00:04,305 --> 01:00:06,738 Beyoncé is one of the finest motherfuckers 1002 01:00:07,371 --> 01:00:08,605 I have ever seen. 1003 01:00:09,971 --> 01:00:13,438 Beyoncé is fine, motherfucker. Shit. 1004 01:00:13,438 --> 01:00:15,338 Beyoncé is so fine 1005 01:00:16,571 --> 01:00:18,905 that if she worked at Burger King 1006 01:00:20,538 --> 01:00:22,538 she could still marry Jay-Z. 1007 01:00:25,338 --> 01:00:26,805 [chuckling] That's how fine she is. 1008 01:00:26,805 --> 01:00:28,371 She could still get her 1009 01:00:28,371 --> 01:00:31,938 a billionaire, great, rapping, fucking businessman. 1010 01:00:31,938 --> 01:00:36,571 She is so fine that if she worked at Burger King, 1011 01:00:36,571 --> 01:00:38,738 she could still marry Jay-Z. 1012 01:00:40,005 --> 01:00:43,371 Now if Jay-Z worked at Burger King... 1013 01:00:43,371 --> 01:00:46,638 [audience laughs] 1014 01:00:48,105 --> 01:00:50,305 No, no, no, women got the power. 1015 01:00:50,305 --> 01:00:53,238 By the way, that is not a Jay-Z diss. 1016 01:00:53,838 --> 01:00:57,105 I do not need another rapper mad at me, okay? 1017 01:00:58,038 --> 01:00:59,105 I don't need it. 1018 01:01:00,238 --> 01:01:02,205 I don't need that smoke. [chuckles] 1019 01:01:02,205 --> 01:01:04,371 I'm, like, The Rock. The Rock. 1020 01:01:04,371 --> 01:01:07,805 I do not need the smoke. Y'all know what happened to me. 1021 01:01:07,905 --> 01:01:10,105 Getting smacked by Suge Smith. 1022 01:01:13,938 --> 01:01:15,805 Everybody knows. 1023 01:01:15,905 --> 01:01:18,571 Everybody fucking knows. 1024 01:01:18,571 --> 01:01:22,738 Yes! It happened. I got smacked like a year ago, 1025 01:01:22,738 --> 01:01:24,638 fucking last week, I got smacked 1026 01:01:24,638 --> 01:01:27,271 at the fucking Oscars by this motherfucker. 1027 01:01:27,371 --> 01:01:29,038 And people like, "Did it hurt?" 1028 01:01:29,038 --> 01:01:30,438 It still hurts. 1029 01:01:32,305 --> 01:01:34,538 I got "Summertime" ringing in my ear. 1030 01:01:39,771 --> 01:01:42,238 Fucking drums, please. 1031 01:01:44,005 --> 01:01:45,505 But I'm not a victim, baby. 1032 01:01:45,505 --> 01:01:49,338 You will never see me on Oprah or Gayle crying. 1033 01:01:50,905 --> 01:01:52,171 You will never see it. 1034 01:01:53,205 --> 01:01:54,905 Never gonna happen. 1035 01:01:54,905 --> 01:01:58,338 [whimpering] I couldn't believe it and I love Men in Black. 1036 01:01:58,338 --> 01:01:59,238 [normal voice] No. 1037 01:02:00,071 --> 01:02:03,838 It's never gonna happen. No. 1038 01:02:03,838 --> 01:02:07,138 Fuck that shit. I took that hit like Pacquiao, motherfucker. 1039 01:02:07,138 --> 01:02:09,205 [audience cheering] 1040 01:02:11,138 --> 01:02:15,871 I took it like motherfucking Pacquiao, okay? 1041 01:02:15,871 --> 01:02:17,605 Shit, man. 1042 01:02:17,605 --> 01:02:18,671 Did it hurt? 1043 01:02:18,671 --> 01:02:20,571 Yeah, it motherfucking hurt. 1044 01:02:20,671 --> 01:02:23,271 People are all, "You guys are fighting all the time." 1045 01:02:23,271 --> 01:02:26,505 We're not fighting. First of all, I know you can't tell on camera. 1046 01:02:26,505 --> 01:02:29,638 Will Smith is significantly bigger than me. 1047 01:02:30,405 --> 01:02:33,338 We're not the same size, okay? 1048 01:02:33,338 --> 01:02:34,705 We're not. 1049 01:02:34,705 --> 01:02:37,738 This guy mostly does movies with his shirt off. 1050 01:02:38,438 --> 01:02:41,405 You've never seen me do a movie with my shirt off. 1051 01:02:43,838 --> 01:02:46,705 If I'm in a movie getting open heart surgery, 1052 01:02:46,805 --> 01:02:48,305 I got on a sweater. 1053 01:02:54,205 --> 01:02:57,271 Will Smith played Muhammad Ali in a movie. 1054 01:02:57,271 --> 01:02:59,338 You think I auditioned for that part? 1055 01:03:00,605 --> 01:03:03,771 He played Muhammad Ali. I played Pookie in New Jack City. 1056 01:03:05,671 --> 01:03:08,571 [audience cheering] 1057 01:03:12,471 --> 01:03:14,271 Pookie, motherfucker. 1058 01:03:14,271 --> 01:03:16,805 I played a piece of corn in Pootie Tang. 1059 01:03:18,638 --> 01:03:21,538 Shit, even in animation, this motherfucker is bigger. 1060 01:03:21,538 --> 01:03:23,305 I am zebra. He's a shark. 1061 01:03:24,505 --> 01:03:25,938 What the fuck, man? 1062 01:03:25,938 --> 01:03:28,138 But... But, 1063 01:03:28,138 --> 01:03:34,071 Will Smith practices selective outrage. 1064 01:03:35,705 --> 01:03:39,838 Practices selective outrage. 1065 01:03:39,838 --> 01:03:42,105 'Cause everybody knows what the fuck happened. 1066 01:03:42,105 --> 01:03:43,805 Everybody that really knows 1067 01:03:43,805 --> 01:03:46,038 knows that I had nothing to do with that shit. 1068 01:03:46,038 --> 01:03:48,638 I didn't have any entanglement. 1069 01:03:48,838 --> 01:03:50,705 [audience cheering] 1070 01:03:53,938 --> 01:03:54,771 I didn't. 1071 01:03:56,005 --> 01:03:58,038 I did not have any entanglement. 1072 01:03:58,038 --> 01:04:00,405 For people that don't know what everybody knows. 1073 01:04:00,505 --> 01:04:05,671 Will Smith, his wife was fucking her son's friend, okay? 1074 01:04:06,405 --> 01:04:10,205 Now, I normally would not talk about this shit. 1075 01:04:10,971 --> 01:04:14,205 But for some reason, these niggas put that shit on the Internet. 1076 01:04:15,471 --> 01:04:21,405 I have no idea why two talented people would do something that fucking low down. 1077 01:04:21,405 --> 01:04:22,471 What the fuck? 1078 01:04:22,471 --> 01:04:24,338 We all been cheated on. 1079 01:04:24,338 --> 01:04:26,471 Everybody in here had been cheated on. 1080 01:04:26,471 --> 01:04:29,405 None of us have ever been interviewed 1081 01:04:29,405 --> 01:04:33,005 by the person that cheated on us on television. 1082 01:04:33,838 --> 01:04:34,938 None of us. 1083 01:04:35,605 --> 01:04:38,238 It's like, "Hey, I was sucking somebody else's dick." 1084 01:04:38,238 --> 01:04:39,805 "How did that make you feel?" 1085 01:04:49,905 --> 01:04:52,971 Why the fuck would you do that shit? 1086 01:04:52,971 --> 01:04:56,705 She hurt him way more than he hurt me. Okay? 1087 01:04:57,238 --> 01:04:58,371 Okay? 1088 01:04:58,371 --> 01:05:00,571 And by the way, he does that shit, 1089 01:05:00,571 --> 01:05:04,438 everybody in the world called him a bitch. 1090 01:05:04,438 --> 01:05:07,471 I tried to call the motherfucker and give him my condolences. 1091 01:05:07,471 --> 01:05:08,671 He ain't pick up for me. 1092 01:05:08,671 --> 01:05:13,138 Everybody called that man a bitch. 1093 01:05:13,138 --> 01:05:16,405 Fucking Charlamagne called him a bitch. 1094 01:05:16,405 --> 01:05:18,705 The Breakfast Club called him a bitch. 1095 01:05:18,705 --> 01:05:24,671 And The View and The Talk and every rapper and the Drink Champs 1096 01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:26,838 called him a fucking bitch. 1097 01:05:26,838 --> 01:05:30,738 Everybody called him a bitch and called his wife a predator. 1098 01:05:30,738 --> 01:05:32,771 Everybody called him a bitch. 1099 01:05:36,571 --> 01:05:37,471 Everybody! 1100 01:05:38,671 --> 01:05:39,571 Everybody! 1101 01:05:40,771 --> 01:05:42,938 And who does he hit? Me. 1102 01:05:46,205 --> 01:05:50,205 A nigga he know he could beat. That is some bitch-ass shit. 1103 01:05:53,038 --> 01:05:55,171 [audience cheering] 1104 01:05:57,038 --> 01:05:59,505 That's what the fuck happened, okay? 1105 01:06:00,105 --> 01:06:02,305 Get the fuck out of here, man. 1106 01:06:02,305 --> 01:06:07,605 What the fuck? I do nothing to this motherfucker, okay? 1107 01:06:07,605 --> 01:06:11,438 Whatever. Years ago, his wife said I should quit the Oscars. 1108 01:06:11,438 --> 01:06:12,405 I shouldn't host. 1109 01:06:13,371 --> 01:06:18,671 She fucking said, "He should quit 'cause Will didn't get nominated for Concussion." 1110 01:06:18,671 --> 01:06:19,838 What the fuck? 1111 01:06:20,405 --> 01:06:23,371 What the fuck? So then I do some jokes about her. Who gives a fuck? 1112 01:06:23,371 --> 01:06:26,338 That's how it is. She started it. I finished it. Okay? 1113 01:06:26,338 --> 01:06:28,171 That's what the fuck happened. 1114 01:06:28,171 --> 01:06:30,405 Nobody was picking on this bitch. 1115 01:06:30,405 --> 01:06:31,971 She started this shit. 1116 01:06:34,271 --> 01:06:35,605 Nobody was picking on her. 1117 01:06:37,738 --> 01:06:40,438 Nobody was picking on her. 1118 01:06:40,438 --> 01:06:44,871 She said, me, a fucking grown-ass man should quit his job 1119 01:06:44,871 --> 01:06:47,938 'cause her husband didn't get nominated for Concussion. 1120 01:06:47,938 --> 01:06:51,038 And then this nigga gives me a fucking concussion, okay? 1121 01:06:51,805 --> 01:06:53,871 What the fuck, man? 1122 01:06:53,871 --> 01:06:57,771 I love Will Smith. My whole life, I love this nigga. 1123 01:06:57,771 --> 01:07:01,705 I saw him opened up for Run-DMC at the Nassau Coliseum. 1124 01:07:01,705 --> 01:07:03,705 These niggas made brand-new funk. 1125 01:07:03,705 --> 01:07:07,905 I love this nigga. He made some great movies. 1126 01:07:07,905 --> 01:07:11,771 I've rooted for Will Smith my whole life. 1127 01:07:11,771 --> 01:07:13,638 I root for this motherfucker, okay? 1128 01:07:13,738 --> 01:07:18,905 And now, I watch Emancipation just to see him get whooped. 1129 01:07:22,705 --> 01:07:25,338 It got me rooting for Massa, okay? 1130 01:07:26,171 --> 01:07:27,938 Hit him again, Massa. 1131 01:07:27,938 --> 01:07:29,338 Hit him again! 1132 01:07:30,771 --> 01:07:32,905 You missed a spot, Massa. 1133 01:07:33,471 --> 01:07:34,871 You missed a spot. 1134 01:07:36,838 --> 01:07:40,105 A lot of people go, "Chris, how come you didn't do nothing back." 1135 01:07:40,105 --> 01:07:42,605 "How come you didn't do nothing back that night?" 1136 01:07:43,105 --> 01:07:45,538 'Cause I got parents. That's why. 1137 01:07:45,538 --> 01:07:48,605 'Cause I was raised, okay? 1138 01:07:51,105 --> 01:07:52,771 I've got parents. 1139 01:07:53,371 --> 01:07:55,571 You know what my parents taught me. 1140 01:07:55,571 --> 01:07:58,105 Don't fight in front of white people. 1141 01:07:59,171 --> 01:08:00,005 [slams mic] 1142 01:08:00,938 --> 01:08:04,238 - [audience cheering and applauding] - [hip-hop music playing] 1143 01:08:36,438 --> 01:08:38,638 [audience continue cheering] 1144 01:09:14,904 --> 01:09:18,105 {\an8}["Nigga in Paris" playing] 89844

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