Original subtitles

Where are you getting beer?

I'm so cold.

Get me one of them beers.

- Vera, got 'em burgers ready to go'?

Shit.

Dear, how about another beer, will ya'?

So what do you think, kids?

Some vacation, huh?

- Fabulous, daddy.

All my friends are gonna be so jealous.

- This place sucks.

I'm freezing.

Why couldn't we go to Florida, like everybody else'?

- And waitin' in all those lines with all those tourists?

Huh, son?

Huh, huh, huh?

No, this year, we're gonna miss those crowds.

We're gonna see the great outdoors.

Hell, we got this whole campground to ourselves.

As soon as 'em coals get hot,

I'm gonna cook us up some real burgers.

Vera, got them burgers and my beer?

Damn it, where is that woman?

You kids sit here and enjoy the scenery.

I'm gonna see what's happened to that goof.

- Will you stop that?

I'm trying to read.

- I didn't think you knew how.

- Listen, you little brat,

just because I was forced to come on this stupid vacation

with you doesn't mean I have to listen to any more

of your smart-ass remarks.

And what are you gonna do about it?

- How about this, you little miserable little shit?

- Vera, where in the hell's my beer?

Please, I'll do whatever you want.

Vera?

Just don't hurt my babies.

- Vera, are you in there?

They're my babies, too, Jennifer.

- Vera?

You okay?

- Harry?

What the hell's going on, woman?

- Please, Harry, Jennifer's husband, Rex,

just turned up out of nowhere.

Everybody thought he was dead.

- Damn it, Vera,

I thought we agreed there wasn't gonna be no soap operas.

We're gonna cook them barbecue hamburgers outside now.

- I can just pop 'em in the microwave.

No microwave.

We're gonna cook over an open fire outside.

Now come on, the kids are waiting.

- But Harry, it's freezing out there.

- This is the life, huh, kids?

- I'm cold.

- My fingers are numb, I think it's frostbite.

- They said on TV it's 75 degrees in Los Angeles.

We could be there by tomorrow night.

- Oh, god. The beach, Hollywood.

- And Disneyland, surfing.

- And traffic and smog and winos.

Take a look around you.

You see any traffic?

You see any smog?

You see any winos?

Oh, shit.

- Maybe they won't stop.

- Stop!

Stop, you can't come in here!

You can't come in here!

Stop!

- Say, what the...

- Look, you can't come in here, old timer.

This spot's taken.

- Hey, sign on the highway says public campground, mister.

Besides, I see three, four empty campsites up there.

- Look, friend, I passed up six campgrounds

to find this spot.

Me and my wife kinda figured on being alone with the kids.

You understand, don't you?

- I know exactly what you mean.

There ain't nothing like being in the great outdoors

to bring a man closer to his kids.

Raised my boy Bernie up here, as a matter of fact.

Shoulda seen the fish we pulled out of that river there.

- Yeah?

- Oh, yeah, real whoppers.

Of course, Bernie was just a little Dipper then.

Some of them fish was as big as he was.

Say, that your boy over there?

- Yep.

That's my Mikey.

I wanted to get him out of the city.

- Well, best thing in the world for a boy.

Hey, my name's bromley.

Ben bromley.

You can call me pop, though.

Everybody calls me pop.

- Harry scrubs.

Glad to meet you, pop.

Look, see, I'm kinda sorry, you know, about the campsite.

- Oh, forget it, mister.

Understand exactly.

Hey, I'll pull over on the far side.

You folks won't even know I'm here.

- Who is that dirty old man?

- Oh, he's just some harmless old guy.

He won't bother us.

He looks like a derelict.

- Nah, he's just some poor old guy.

Used to live up here.

Taught his boy to fish right in this river.

- There's fish here?

- That's what pop said.

- What's he doing over there?

- Chopping firewood, I guess.

- Wow, he's gonna make a real campfire.

Dad, you think we could go over and talk to him

about fishing and stuff?

- Yeah, sure.

Maybe we'll all go.

- Daddy, please.

- Really, Harry.

What if he's got some disease?

- Hey, he's just a harmless old guy.

He's up there all alone.

Think what it'd mean to him to be with a real family.

- When Bernie and I used to live up here,

we'd go for weeks and not see a human being.

Bernie used to sit on that rock over there.

Deer would come right up and eat out of his hand.

Used to be a lot of deer up here then.

That boy sure loved them deer.

- More cake, Mr. Bromley?

- Oh, no.

No, thank you, ma'am.

If I had another piece, I'm liable to bust.

You're sure a lucky man, Harry.

Two great kids and a pretty little cook like Vera.

- Yep.

I guess I am pretty lucky.

Got a good job.

Motorhome's almost paid for.

- Yeah, I was looking at that motorhome you got, Harry.

That's sure a beautiful rig.

Vera tells me you even got a microwave oven in there.

- Microwave, central heating,

air conditioning for the summer, color television.

You name it, this baby's got it, pop.

- Bernie always wanted to get a microwave oven for his ma.

Of course, we couldn't afford it.

We couldn't afford electricity.

But he used to sit there and he'd tell her,

"someday, I'm gonna get you a microwave, ma."

He woulda, too.

Poor woman died before he had a chance.

- Your Bernie sounds like such a wonderful boy.

- Oh, yes, ma'am.

A man couldn't ask for a better son than Bernie.

He was gonna take care of his ma and me in our old age.

- How wonderful.

- We used to have some good old times together.

Then the boy took sick.

They took him to one of them big hospitals down state.

Bernie was never the same after that.

- How sad.

- What was wrong with the boy?

- It was nerves, Harry.

Just nerves.

- What the hell was that?

- Ah, probably just some old black bear

out looking for his lady friend.

- There's bears around here?

- Why, sure.

Bears, mountain lions,

all kinds of critters wandering around these mountains.

Mostly, they keep out of sight now.

- How come?

- It's the campers, son.

Critters don't trust 'em.

Can't trust those humans out in the wilds, Harry,

'cause they'll give you the ax every time!

- I don't know about everybody else,

but I'm about ready to call it a night.

How about you, honey?

- My goodness, I suppose I am tired.

Come on, kids, say goodnight to Mr. Bromley.

- Goodnight.

Goodnight, pop.

Goodnight.

- Hold on just a minute.

You forgot something.

- Why don't you just keep that for a snack, Mr. Bromley?

- Thank you.

Thank you kindly, ma'am.

Hey!

Night, all!

Nice talking to ya.

Now you just settle down, boy.

I brought you a real nice surprise.

Lookie here, boy.

Homemade chocolate cake.

Sure is good cake, boy.

Just like your mama used to make.

You remember them cakes, boy?

We could have chocolate cake all the time, boy,

if we had a new microwave oven like them nice folk

in the next campground.

Yeah, they got all kinds of things over there, boy.

They got a microwave oven,

an icebox full of food, a color TV.

You could watch cartoons all day long if you had a color TV.

Told you when I took you from that hospital

that we was going home.

Only this time, it's gonna be different.

Yeah, this time, we're going in style.

- Pop's gonna take me fishing tomorrow.

- How exciting for you.

- Hey, where are you going?

- Out.

- Are you crazy?

There's bears out there.

- Yeah, sure there are, you little creep.

Santa claus and the easter bunny, too.

- I'm gonna tell dad.

- Look, I just wanna go down by the river

and listen to some music by myself.

Give me a break, huh?

- Okay, it's your funeral.

- Thanks, kid.

Sometimes, you're okay.

- What are you doing?

- I thought I heard something.

That old man could be prowling around out there, Harry.

- Who, pop?

He's probably snoring his head off by now.

- Well, I don't want Mikey going over there tomorrow.

- But the old guy said he'd take him fishing.

- Harry, I don't like that old man.

He scares me.

You take him fishing.

You're his father.

- Well, okay, Vera.

I'll take Mikey fishing.

I still think the old guy's all right.

All you gotta do is listen

to him talk about that boy of his to know that.

- Now, remember what I told you.

Don't break nothing valuable this time.

Understand?

Don't you go running off no place else,

or I'll let them take back to the hospital.

Only this time, I won't come and get ya.

Go on, son.

I won't really send you back there.

I brung you home, didn't I?

- Harry!

Wake up!

Wake up!

I thought I heard something.

- Give me a break, Vera.

I just...

Did you hear that?

- That's what I've been trying to tell you.

- Damn.

Mikey, let me in.

- Stop her, boy!

Don't let her get away, boy.

She's one them that put you away.

She's a camper!

Shit!

- How long do we have to stay out here, anyway?

It's getting a little cold out, you know?

- You're a hell of a wilderness counselor,

Bob, you know that?

- Look, man, I was built for comfort, not stress.

Just because I grew up in these hills,

doesn't make me grizzly Adams, you know?

- Well, it gets cold in the mountains at night.

I mean, isn't this what you teach

all those little college cuties in your survival course?

- Yeah, man, and I'm anxious to get back to them, too.

I got a little practical exercise I'm gonna teach them.

I call it sleeping bag 101.

- Don't you think about anything else besides girls?

- No.

Hey, did you check out that little chick

with the absolutely perfect thighs?

- Does she have a name?

- Mm-hmm.

Her name is Victoria.

But she said I could call her Vicky.

I think I'm in love, man.

Come on, let's go back up the hill

before that asshole Regis gets his perverted hands on her,

- okay? - Okay, it shouldn't be long.

There's still two more coming in tonight.

We got a Debbie Harris from Denver

and a pj Richards from la.

- Pj?

- Yeah.

- Do you think pj is a male or a female?

- Shit.

Road to the camp's gotta be some place around here.

All right, civilization.

Hey, anybody home?

Anybody know where the wilderness camp is?

- What I'd like to know, though,

is why we have to stay out here freezing our asses off

while Regis gets to stay up in camp where it's warm?

- Well, since we're 50 miles from the nearest town,

there isn't exactly a lot of places to ask for directions

if somebody gets lost.

Somebody always gets lost.

- And I wonder why they have to put us way

the hell out here, anyway.

- Because this is a wilderness camp, schmuck.

Where do you want them to put it?

Under the Hollywood freeway?

- That's an idea.

I could go with real survival things there.

- Ah, look, somebody's coming.

Hi.

- Hi.

Hi, I'm Debbie Harris.

I'm sorry I'm late, my car's been acting up.

- I'm Ron.

I'm the wildlife instructor.

This is Bobby.

- Well, hello, Debbie.

I'm sure you and I are gonna be real close friends.

- What do you teach, sport, hand-to-hand combat?

- Hand-to-hand combat?

That's a good one.

Do you hear that, Ron?

Man, that's a good one.

- Where's the camp?

- It's about five miles from here down the road.

We're waiting for one more guy to show up

and then we can take you there.

- No, that's okay.

Just tell me how to get there.

I'm sure I can find it all by my little self.

- Sure.

Listen, just follow this road another half mile

to the dirt road on your left.

That'll take you to the camp.

Ah, Regis will show you where you tent is.

- Thanks.

- Hey, Debbie,

I'm holding a little informal orientation

in my tent later on.

You're invited.

Wow.

What a bitch.

You think she's a lesbian or something?

- I hope not.

- Oh, thank god you stopped.

Something terrible has happened.

Please, you gotta help me.

Oh, god, thank you, I'll never forget this.

- Damn it.

Don't you dare quit on me now.

We're almost there.

Thanks, pal.

Damn.

Damn.

- Come on, man.

If this guy hasn't shown up by now, he probably never will.

- Maybe you're right.

We'll give him five more minutes.

- Five more minutes?

Come on, man, my little girlies are freezing up there.

- Okay, okay, you win.

Look, grab the sign and throw it in the back.

And we'll... wait a minute.

I don't thinkthat's him, man.

- This time at night, who's it gonna be?

- Hey, man, get out of the road.

He's not gonna stop.

- Pj?

Are you looking for the wilderness counselor's camp?

All right, listen,

go another mile to the dirt road on the left.

It's about four miles from...

Slow down!

That road is dangerous!

- Pj, I presume.

- That guy has got a serious attitude problem.

- Uh-huh, but he looks way cool in that hat.

- Let's just get the hell out of here.

- All right.

Slip your little panties off, babies.

Bobby's on his way.

You're sick, you know that?

- Yeah.

- Hey!

Can you give me a ride up to the camp?

My car broke down back there.

- I know, we saw it.

Climb in.

I'll throw this in the back.

- Thanks.

- What happened?

- I don't know, it just quit.

- We just sent a guy up here a few minutes ago.

Why didn't you flag him down?

- Oh, I flagged him down.

The son of a bitch nearly ran over me.

- You and me are definitely gonna have to talk to that guy.

- As soon as we get there, Bobby.

As soon as we get there.

- Thanks.

What are you doing in here?

- I thought you might need somebody to help

dry the places you couldn't reach.

- You did, did you?

- Of course, I could've been mistaken.

- No, I don't think so.

- See, I told you nobody was watching us.

- Well, we can't stay here.

- Why not?

- Well, somebody might wanna take a shower.

Besides, it's all wet.

- There's nobody in the supply tent.

And that's all filled with nice, cozy sleeping bags.

- Well, we have to be back at the campfire in half an hour.

- That's twice as long as we need.

Come on.

- Well, it looks like that son of a bitch finally got here.

I wonder where he is.

- I don't know, but we're gonna find out.

- Oh, soft.

Mama just wants you

to always remember one thing, Bernie.

This is our home.

Can't nobody never take that away from us.

- What do you mean you haven't...

What do you mean you haven't seen him?

- I mean I haven't seen him.

Nobody's checked in here for a couple of hours.

I've scheduled a meeting in 15 minutes.

He'll probably turn up there.

- Look, damn it, I wanna see this guy now.

He's a nut case and I want him out of here.

- Take it easy, Ron.

He's prepaid for the entire course.

- Are you out of your mind?

I come here to tell you this guy's a maniac

and you tell me he's prepaid.

- Ron, you know the situation.

We had 12 kids registered for this course.

Seven of them showed up, including pj Richards,

wherever he is.

Seven is our break-even number.

If we don't have at least that many, we're all out of a job

until the regular season begins next summer.

Try to lighten up a little bit.

So the guy doesn't stop for hitchhikers.

It doesn't exactly make him Jack the ripper, does it?

- Right.

Oh, god damn you, Bobby.

I told you to get everybody

their camping gear this afternoon.

I just got here, Mr. Buchan.

Besides, they weren't all here this afternoon to give.

I don't wanna hear any of your bullshit excuses.

I want it done tonight.

Tonight?

It's freezing.

Tonight, god damn you, Bobby!

I want it done tonight, right after the meeting.

- Asshole.

- Is everybody always this friendly around here?

Or did I just come at a bad time?

- I'm sorry.

They're just a little uptight

over last-minute cancellations.

Bobby and Regis are usually...

They're usually pretty good guys.

You'll see at the meeting.

I hope so.

I was beginning to wonder what I'd gotten myself into.

What's this meeting, anyway?

- It's just a little informal get-together.

We introduce everyone, drink a little beer

and decide who we can con into chopping the firewood.

Look, we still have a few minutes.

Come on, I'll show you where you're staying.

Come on.

Hello?

Anybody home?

- Yeah, come on in if you stand it.

- Well, this is it.

Ah-ha, another victim.

- Welcome to the Beverly Hilton.

- Sophie, Vicky, meet Debbie.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hiya.

- The four of you have this whole place to yourself.

Oh, put your bag anywhere you like.

Where's Jane?

- She went to take a shower.

Wait until you see the shower.

It's straight out of the flintstones.

- Oh, I can hardly wait.

- Look, I gotta get ready for the meeting.

So if you guys can find Jane...

- Sure. - And I'll see you

in a little while.

- God, isn't he beautiful?

- Forget it, sweetie, you haven't got a chance.

What do you mean?

- I mean, he's obviously got the hots for Debbie here.

- What are you talking about?

I just met the guy.

- It's in the eyes.

You can see it.

- She's right.

He looks at you the same way that dork Bobby looks at me.

- I met Bobby.

He's a little bit nutty, but he seems nice enough.

- Oh, he's nice.

He's just a dork.

- I'm gonna go find Jane.

I'll see you at the meeting.

Good-bye.

- Oh, god, what a day.

-Jane!

Jane, are you up there?

Come on, Jane, we've got a meeting.

Jane?

Janey?

- Okay, everybody, let's gather around.

Now!

Ron, can I have a word with you?

There are four people missing.

Where are they?

- I don't know.

They were all told to be here.

- God damn it, Ron,

we've got to have some discipline around here.

People can't show up whenever they feel like it.

- Hi, everybody!

Sorry.

- Do you want me to go find the others?

- Yes.

No.

On second thought, let 'em miss the meeting.

I'm gonna be handing out shift details in a few minutes.

And let's see how they feel about a little latrine duty.

Where's Jane?

- I went down to the showers to see if I could find her

and this is all I could find.

Oh, man.

- That cute guy from Seattle. - Uh-huh.

- He isn't here, either.

They didn't waste any time.

- Oh my god, they couldn't even stop to turn off the water.

Who-ho-ho-ho.

- You've all got a lot of work to do

if you're gonna get one of these.

This is the wilderness counselor's certificate.

The reason you're all here.

With one of these,

you'll qualify for the best jobs in the best camps.

You won't wait tables.

And you won't tell bedtime stories.

But don't go and get the idea

that we are just gonna hand you this piece of paper

just because you paid your fee.

Ah, no. You are gonna...

- "Idea that we're gonna give you this piece of paper

just because you paid your fee."

"No, you're gonna have to earn this."

- You got a problem, Bobby?

- No, Regis.

- Look, somebody's coming.

- Ron, go see who it is.

As I was saying,

you're gonna have to earn this piece of paper,

god damn children.

Shut up!

- Is it Regis or it is memorex?

Okay, I'm coming.

Coming.

- God damn it, get that light out of my eyes.

- Ah, sorry about that.

Hey, where's deputy Taylor?

I thought he was the only one working

in the county at night.

- Taylor's out sick.

How many you got up there?

- There's 11 of us, including the staff.

- You got some young girls up there?

- Yeah, we do.

Look, what's this all about?

- Look at them.

They didn't hear one word I said.

There's not an ounce of discipline in the whole bunch.

- Oh, now, they're just kids, hon.

They don't understand discipline the way we do.

- Not too many people do understand, Marcie.

- Let's go into the tent.

Let the kids entertain themselves, yeah.

- No.

You go ahead.

I gotta run a security check.

- Don't you be too long now.

Or Marcie will have to discipline you.

- Anyway, we wanted to check on your kids

just to be on the safe side.

Well, thanks for coming up.

- Keep your eyes open, just in case.

- Okay.

All right, thanks.

Thanks again.

- Even a maniac won't tangle with this, unless he's crazy.

- Well, you don't think he's still around, do you?

- Well, it's hard to tell with these guys.

That's what makes them so dangerous.

- What the hell are you talking about, Bobby?

- The maniac, Regis.

He just killed a bunch of people

on the campground by the highway.

And he's out looking for more victims.

- Where did you hear that?

- Cop told Ron.

- Hey, Ron, what's all this crap about a maniac?

- Security check, huh?

You've been a bad boy, Regis.

I'm gonna have to whip you into shape.

First, we'll start out with a little ambush.

- They're playing your song, Regis.

- Yeah, well, I'm gonna check the grounds.

And then I'm gonna turn in.

And I'm holding you personally responsible, Bobby,

for any litter in this campsite in the morning.

So I suggest you stop telling your little bullshit

maniac stories and get to work.

- He's a major putz.

- Why is he so freaked out over your story?

- The people who own this camp are a little sensitive

about maniac stories.

Especially after what happened here back in '75.

- Come on, what is it?

- There was this guy named Bernie.

And he used to live up here in a cabin with his folks.

And Bernie was this dumb, gentle guy.

He used to walk through the woods feeding the deer

and like that.

And the rest of the time he spent chopping wood.

And every couple of weeks or so,

his pop would take the wood

that he chopped down into the valley and sell it.

And that's how they survived.

Anyway, one day,

they get a letter telling them the county is gonna build

a road up the mountain to turn the mountain

into a recreation area, with campsites and like that,

to draw the tourists.

- How rotten.

- What a rip.

- Yeah.

Well, Bernie's pop says

if the county wants his family out,

they're gonna have to throw them out.

He's not moving.

So what happened?

- So they send a bunch of deputies up there

to throw them out.

Only, something went wrong.

What?

- Well, no one knows exactly what happened.

But according to the official report,

Bernie's pop pulled the gun and the deputies opened fire.

And when it was over, Bernie's mom was dead.

And the old man was wounded.

And they took him into jail.

And they kept him there for a couple of years.

- What about Bernie?

- Bernie took off by himself into the woods that night.

They say he stayed out there chopping wood

and going crazy.

After that, everybody kind of forgot him for a while.

But then, then they opened the road.

And the tourists started coming in.

And?

- And Bernie goes totally berserk.

He comes down here with that ax of his in his hand

and he starts a swingin'.

And he starts chopping up these campers left and right.

You see, in his mind, they were all to blame, right?

Well, the next day, a young deputy finds him

by the river next to a pile of arms and legs,

stacked up like firewood.

When they tried to take him away,

he bit the deputy's finger off.

They had to put him in a straightjacket

with a special hood.

- God, now I wish you wouldn't have told us.

- Yeah, well, I don't think we have to worry

about poor, old Bernie anymore.

He's been locked up down at that state hospital for years.

Probably still got him in that hood.

Boyee.

- Hold it right there.

Mm, Regis, Regis.

I'm just gonna love making you say, "mercy, Marcie."

Regis?

Stay back or I'll cut you off at the knees.

- Looks like old Regis finally shot his wad.

- You really hate him, don't you?

- No.

No, not really.

It's just that he's...

He's so full of shit, you know?

- Well, hate to be the one to break up the party,

but I think we all should get some sleep.

- I don't know about you,

but I don't think I'm gonna get much sleep knowing

there's a maniac lose.

- Hey, well, you can always come to my tent.

- Thanks anyway, Bobby, but you know, I don't think so.

- Yeah, well, I was just kidding, anyway.

I gotta get those bedrolls.

I'll be in the supply tent.

Wait a minute, Bobby.

I'll give you a hand with 'em.

- No, I don't need your help.

- Oh, shit.

I think I've hurt his feelings.

- Well, I'm gonna take a shower

while there's lots of hot water.

Wanna walk me to my tent

and protect me from all the maniacs?

- Yeah, sure.

- Nighty night, kids.

Oh, I usually get up around noon.

So try to be quiet in the morning.

I guess you must be tired.

- Yeah, I really am.

- Would you like me to walk you to your tent?

- Do you mind if we talk for just a few minutes first?

- No, of course not.

What do you wanna talk about?

- That story that Bobby was telling about Bernie.

Did that really happen?

- Yeah.

Well, at least everyone around here

seems to tell it pretty much the same way.

And there is an old cabin up there in the woods.

- It's such a sad story.

Could we go see the cabin?

- What, now?

- Yeah, would you mind?

- Well, no.

No.

But I mean, I thought you were worn out.

- I am, but I'm wired, too.

I think maybe the walk will calm me down.

- All right.

Well, just stay close to me.

That trail is pretty, pretty tough right now.

Bobby?

- I'll get you your bedroll.

- Bobby?

Hey, I'm sorry about before.

It's not that I didn't wanna be with you.

It's, well... it's just you.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

I come on a little too strong.

- You really do.

- I'm such a jerk.

I mean, I talk about Regis,

and I end up coming off twice as obnoxious as he does.

- Shh.

And you talk too much, you know?

I need my bedroll.

- Okay, great.

- How'd that happen?

- I don't know.

But Regis isn't gonna like it.

- Well, let's not talk about Regis anymore.

- Yeah.

Fuck 'im.

- Come on.

- Whoa. - Oops.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm good.

Let's get out of here.

- Oh, Marcie.

Oh, baby.

You little devil.

You wouldn't be planning a little ambush now,

would we, Marcie?

Decided to skip the ambush and go right for the kill.

Well, that's okay with me.

Marcie?

Marcie!

You son of a bitch!

You fucker!

Jesus!

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

How much further is it?

- The river's just up ahead

and the cabin's on the other side.

Just watch your step down here.

It gets pretty rough walking.

- It's beautiful.

- Yeah.

Hey, you wanna rest a minute?

- Yeah.

- So you really like it, huh?

- Yeah.

It's so primitive.

- You can walk hundreds of miles into these mountains

and not see a road, a house, another human being.

There's still lions and grizzlies up there, you know?

- Are you trying to scare me?

- Well, if I was trying to do that,

I'd tell you about bigfoot.

I mean, most of the recent sightings

have been around in this area.

I mean, two years ago, bigfoot ate a pup tent

and turned over a Jeep only two miles downstream.

-Gmm.

Can we go see the cabin now?

- Sure.

Just watch your step.

It's pretty rough down here.

- Let's go inside where it's warm.

- Can't we go some place else?

- No, silly.

We're going to take a shower.

A nice, hot, steamy shower.

- But what if somebody comes in?

You know, Regis or somebody?

- Chet, Regis is asleep.

Everybody's asleep.

I thought you wanted to take a shower with me.

- Well, I do.

- Well, come on then.

No guts, no glory, Chet.

Brr, it really is cold.

Hey, why aren't you getting undressed?

Are you shy?

Mm, it's just right.

Nothing turns me on like a nice shower.

All steamy and soapy and hot.

- Where are you going?

- Down here, there's a bridge not too far.

- Why don't we just cross here?

- No, you don't wanna do that.

- Oh, come on, it's as hard as a rock.

- Look, if you're gonna do that,

at least take some of your clothes off

so in case you get wet, you have something warm to put on.

- Oh, sure, you'd love that, won't you, Ron?

- Look it, just be careful.

You don't wanna mess with that.

- Be careful.

Ah, damn it.

- Oh, my god, it's so cold!

Come on, we gotta get you warm quick.

- Can't we go back to the camp?

- The camp's almost a mile on the other side.

Look, Debbie.

- Oh, god, Sophie, get up!

Shit!

Well, there it is.

Can we get inside?

- Yeah, yeah, come on.

Sometimes, the kids from the camp come in here.

There's blankets and a fireplace.

We gotta get you in before you get pneumonia.

- What's this?

- It's all the wood that Bernie chopped, I guess.

Come on, we gotta get a fire going.

- It's cold.

- I'll get a fire going.

You get those clothes off.

Come on, do you want me to take them off for ya?

- That feels so good.

- You can come closer if you want.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna attack you.

We'll get these clothes dry,

and then I'll take you back to camp.

- Ron, I'm sorry.

- Look, there's a place upriver where I can get you across

without getting your feet wet.

- I said I was sorry.

- About what?

- I didn't listen to you about the stream.

I thought you were trying to trick me

into taking my clothes off.

- Well, it worked, didn't it?

- Isn't there another blanket?

- No, that's the only one.

- Come on, there's room for two.

- Are you sure?

- Come on.

- Thanks.

You ever see such a mess before?

- This is my first murder.

- Well, you ain't likely to see many like this.

- Who'd you reckon that is?

I figured everybody in the county

had already been out here tonight.

3t5ok7.

- Taylor, thought you was home in your deathbed.

- Can we plow through all this?

I heard about the murders out here last night.

I thought I'd better come up and take a look at it.

What happened?

- Some junkie took an ax to a bunch of tourists.

Damnest thing I ever saw.

Must have been on pcp.

I mean, he tore the place apart.

- Coroner been up in here yet?

- Been and gone.

Shit, never seen a coroner lose his supper before.

It's gonna take the boys all night at the morgue

to sort out the pieces.

Taking the last one away now.

Funny thing about that one.

Not a Mark on him.

- Yeah, well, who is he?

- Some old guy.

Coroner says he had a heart attack.

I think he died of fright.

- Mind if I...'?

- Be my guest.

Hey, hold on a minute.

- Come on, give us a break.

We've been out here all night.

- Take it easy, sim, just wanna take a look.

- Oh my god.

Oh my god.

- Hey, Taylor, what's the matter?

You look like you've seen a freakin' ghost.

- It wasn't any junkie who did this, asshole.

- Hey.

- It's Bernie.

It's Bernie.

He's back.

- Hey, Taylor, where are you going?

- Don't you understand?

He's back.

He's gonna come home.

- At the camp?

I already checked.

There ain't nobody there.

- Oh, he will be.

He will be.

- You're crazy, Taylor.

There ain't nobody there with them kids.

Crazy bastard.

- Take it away.

- I finally got it.

Is this where you bring all the girls?

- No.

I mean, I never brought anybody else up here before.

- Girls don't like me very much.

- Well, I like you and I'm a girl.

- You really like me?

- Well, sure.

Well, you know secret places by the river

and you know how to drink wine out of a bota.

I like you a lot.

Oh, god, it's really cold out here.

- We can go back if you want to.

- Oh, no.

No, I like it here.

- We have your bedroll.

I can...

We can spread it by the fire.

- That's a good idea.

- Ah, this should be plenty warm.

It's heavy enough.

- Maybe there's some more wine hidden in it.

- I'd settle for an extra blanket or two.

Oh!

Hey!

Hey!

Calm down.

It's just a joke.

- A joke?

- It's a joke.

Sure, you can buy those in magic stores.

I've seen them before.

- Oh, god, it looks so real.

- Some little punk from summer camp probably wrapped it up

in there to get a rise out of us.

- Well, it worked.

- Hey.

Let's go back.

- Are you sure?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.

- We can go back to my tent, if you'd like.

- Okay.

- It's nice and warm there.

Okay.

- What is it?

- Shh.

What, Bobby?

- Somebody's following us.

- Oh my god, what are we gonna do?

- Well, if it isn't old pj, the disappearing camper.

Well, is this how you get yourjollies, pj?

Spying on people?

Huh?

Well, come on, pervert.

- Bobby, let's just...

- Uh-uh, no way.

No, this jerk needs a lesson.

Come on.

I'm gonna kick your ass from here to the next hospital.

Come on.

Come on.

Hey, man, what are you doing?

Hey, hey, put that down.

You could hurt somebody with that, pal.

You could hurt someone with that.

- Can I ask you a question?

- Anything.

- Did you plan this whole thing?

- Whose idea was it to come up here?

- Mine, but... - And who pulled us

both into the stream?

- I did, but... - I rest my case.

- You rat,

- if you think I planned... - Shut up and kiss me.

- No way, Jose.

I came up here to look around

and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

- Okay.

But don't come crawling back to me

when you freeze your buns.

- Hey, there's something over here.

It's stuck.

- Are you okay?

What is it?

- I think so.

- I guess this must have fell when you jerked the door open.

What?

Look at all this stuff.

The makings

of a pretty good torture chamber in here.

The grim reaper approaches a little...

- You think our clothes are dry yet?

I don't know, let's check.

- The clothes.

- We don't need clothes for what I've got in mind.

- You pervert.

- Help!

Somebody, please!

Jane, help me!

Regis!

Marcie!

Oh, god!

- Piece of shit vehicles.

Bernie?

Who's Bernie?

I'll take him.

I'll take him from the knees up.

.P she'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes .p

.p she'll be coming around the mountain .r

.p she'll be coming around the mountain .r

.p she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes .p

I she'll be riding six white horses when she comes .p

I she'll be riding six white horses when she comes .p

.p she'll be riding six white horses .r

.p she'll be riding six white horses .r

hey, kids!

Kids!

.P she'll be riding six white horses .r

I'm sorry to interrupt you here.

.R well, we'll all go out and meet her when she comes .p

kids, I can't tell you how...

.R well, we'll all go out and meet her when she comes .p

.p well, we'll all go out and meet her .r

.p yes we'll go out and meet her .r

.p oh, we'll all go out and meet her when she comes .p

.p she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes .p

.p she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes .p

.p she'll be coming around the mountain .r

.p she'll be coming around the mountain .r

.p she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes .p

I she'll be riding six white horses when she comes I

I she'll be riding six white horses I

Jesus.

I she'll be riding six white horses I

I she'll be riding six white horses when she comes I

I well, we'll all go out and meet her when she comes I

I well, we'll all go out and meet her I

I well, we'll all go out and meet her I

I yes, we'll all go out and meet her when she comes I

- so you think Taylor found anything up at that camp?

- Taylor's a flake.

- But he's been with the department 20 years.

- Yeah, and he's still pushing around that patrol unit.

That tell you something?

- I hear he's a good cop.

- Hurry, or we won't get any sleep at all.

- Ah, sleep is for sissies.

Tell you what, I'll let you sleep an extra 15 minutes...

I she'll be coming around the mountain I

I she'll be coming around the mountain I

I she'll be coming around the mountain when she I

- Hello?

Hello, is anybody there?

Hello?

Oh, god.

- I'm telling ya,

it's a regular slaughterhouse up there.

Every cop in the county's up

at the camp trying to figure out what happened.

- I hear they got the looney though.

They say some kid shot him dead.

- Wait a minute, something's coming.

- Jesus, what a night, huh?

- You got some bodies back there?

- Hell, they're gonna need a semi

for all the bodies they got up there.

We got the live ones, though.