Original subtitles

Mannix, old boy, good morning.

How are you, Roger?

How are things with Bard Enterprises?

Marvelous. Absolutely marvelous.

Oh, expect to crash through the ceiling any moment!

Oh, that's great, if you can afford a new ceiling.

Ooh! Spot of lunch?

Yeah. 12:30?

Fine. Pick you up.

All right.

Hello, Roger.

Oh, imagine seeing you here.

Small world.

Not particularly.

As you know, I've had reason

to see a good deal of it lately.

Paris, Suva, Pago Pago,

Singapore, Madrid, Hong Kong,

to mention but a few of the places

where our paths have not quite crossed recently.

Yes. Travel is rewarding, is it not?

It is now, Roger.

Yes, yes. Well, forgive me

for keeping you standing in the outer office.

Frightfully rude. Shall we go inside?

I'm sure we have a great deal to talk about.

A great deal.

Yes. After you.

Mm! Quite an elaborate front you have here.

Yes, the mores of our time

demand that a chap seem to be gainfully employed.

Uh... Why don't you sit down?

Would you care for a spot of brandy?

No, thanks. What's in there?

There? That closet? Just a closet.

It's where I put my hat and my coat.

Mm-hmm. Nothing in there now, I suppose.

No, nothing. It's quite empty.

And why is it locked?

No reason at all.

I like to keep things locked. It's a habit of mine.

Away from charwomen and all that, you know.

Mind opening it?

Oh, no, not a bit.

I say, old chap...

Frightfully sorry, old chap.

Have to run.

♪ ♪

Bard!

Somebody come and open this door!

Open this door!

Bard, will you come back and open it?

Let me out of here!

Help! Can nobody hear me?

Come and open this door!

You haven't taken one sip of your coffee.

Have I lost my touch?

Oh, now I've got to scald my mouth

to make you feel secure?

Ah! Hope I'm not disturbing you.

Oh, no. Not at all.

Listen, there's a chap

locked in the closet in my office.

If it's not too inconvenient,

I'd appreciate you turning him loose in a moment... there!

Cheerio!

Don't panic. I saw him, too.

I was about to ask what you put in this coffee.

There he is!

After him!

Well, I guess that spoils it for lunch.

Bard! Come back and open this door!

Let me out of here! Bard!

All right, take it easy! Hold it!

I'll get you out. Just a minute.

Oh... oh, thank you.

Hey, j-j-just a minute.

What's going on here?

Obviously, I was locked in that closet.

Decidedly awkward, to put it mildly.

Well, how did it happen?

Accident. And now, if you'll pardon me,

I have urgent business with Roger Bard.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Good night, Joe.

Good night, Joe!

Hmm?

You're still hung up on that Roger Bard scene

this morning, aren't you?

Yeah.

Well, we can talk about it tomorrow.

You're on overtime.

I'm in no hurry.

Peggy, how long has Roger Bard been in that office?

Oh, I don't know; I guess about six months.

It's funny, I see him almost every day;

we've had lunch dozens of times.

We've had drinks together.

You know something?

I don't know one thing about that man.

Well, did he ever talk about his business?

No. I can understand why.

The business does not exist.

And, this morning, he says to me, "Oh, things are booming

for me, old chap."

Now, that's got to be an elaborate

front of some kind, but for what?

Well, whatever it is, it certainly pays.

I wish I could bottle it.

The way he dresses; and that car...!

Yeah, he swings.

I talked to the building manager this morning.

He said Bard leased that office for five years firm...

Paid in advance... then he spends

a fortune redecorating... Special paneling,

acoustical ceilings...

Peggy, whoever it is, I'm not in.

Right.

This is Miss Redstone.

She didn't have an appointment,

but I thought you might make an exception in this case.

You know, you're really beginning

to get the hang of this job.

Good night, Peggy.

Miss Redstone, please sit down.

Now, what can I do for you?

Help my uncle. He's in terrible trouble.

Of course.

Who's your uncle?

Roger Bard.

He spoke of you as his friend... the only one

he could turn to in this hour of great need.

You know, Miss Redstone, with you as a niece,

I'm surprised Roger doesn't have many, many friends.

Of course, his mistake may have been keeping you a secret.

He's never mentioned having a niece.

Sometimes we're quite close.

Again, I may not see Uncle Roger for a year.

He moves about a good bit.

Mm. That's exactly what he was doing this morning,

with three men moving right behind him.

Oh, no!

Miss Redstone, you said he told you he was in trouble.

Does it sound worse coming from a stranger?

Why, why, can't they let him be?

Who are "they"?

I don't know.

But they've hounded him across oceans and continents.

That I do know.

If you can't identify the men,

then you probably don't know why they're hounding him.

No.

And you wouldn't have any notion

about Bard Enterprises,

or what those enterprises might be?

I'm afraid not. But you will help us, won't you?

Uncle Roger's counting on you.

Where did he call you from?

Mexico... Baja... somewhere near Ensenada, he said.

What else did he say?

That they'd really run him to earth this time.

If you couldn't help him,

it was the end of the line for Roger Bard.

And I'm to tell you money is no object.

Well, it isn't to me, either, Miss Redstone.

It's just that I'm trying to piece things together.

For instance, why does he need my help?

Why doesn't he just go to the Mexican police?

Can't you come with me now?

I'm sure everything will be explained

to your satisfaction.

We must be wasting precious time.

All right, Miss Redstone.

Claudia.

Claudia.

Uncle Roger was right.

About what?

You.

Well, now, you sure this is the right plaza?

Yes. What now?

Uncle Roger said to park here and wait.

For what?

He said he'd have a man meet us here.

Well, then, that makes it all right.

Why? There is a man.

Señorita Redstone? Yes.

Please, come with me.

Where?

Please, señor, I have my orders.

Is your name Paco?

Si, Señorita. Paco Moreno.

I'm sure it's all right.

I am so glad you come.

Your uncle is so worried.

We think maybe there is an accident.

Por favor.

He says, "Paco, I am so afraid something is happen to her."

But now is all right.

Your uncle is going to be very happy.

Please do not move, señor.

Claudia, I thought you said

once we got down here, everything would be explained.

It will be.

Oh... oh, my God!

♪ ♪

You look terrible.

Thanks.

What are you doing here?

Following you.

From L.A.?

Mm-hmm.

And a rather trying bit of road, that last bit.

Particularly a test when driven without lights.

Well, I thought your urgent business was with one Roger Bard.

It is.

I was hoping you and the young lady were leading me to him.

Look, just who are you?

Dustin Rhodes, Inspector, CID.

What's a Scotland Yard man

doing down here in the wilds of Baja California?

Hopefully, closing in on a man who stole two million pounds,

give or take a few thousand.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that rings a bell... London, huh?

Old money being, uh, transported

in an armored van to a... government incinerator.

Unfit money being taken out of circulation, right.

Old bills, unmarked, no record of serial numbers.

No clues, no bloodshed.

Fortunately, there was an informer.

One of the gang, we suspect.

So we did arrest their leader.

But he got away.

He, uh, busted out of your best lockup.

Quite.

Oh... Oh, a question: why am I here?

What was Claudia's reason

for inviting you to accompany her to Mexico?

Oh, I was supposed to rescue her uncle

from some very mysterious enemies.

Question two: who's Claudia Redstone?

A rather constant companion of the chap I'm looking for.

As a matter of fact, I've been keeping her in sight

this past six months,

hoping she'd lead me to my man, sooner or later.

That's how I found him in Los Angeles.

Roger Bard?

Roger Bard is one of his many aliases.

He's no more her uncle than you are.

Yeah.

I was beginning to suspect that.

You'll return to Los Angeles, of course.

No one would blame you.

No... no, I'm gonna stay here and try and find Claudia.

She's still in trouble.

No trouble at all, I assure you.

She was kidnapped, wasn't she?

Oh, yes... by confederates of a man called Benjamin Wish.

But if Roger Bard sent for you to save his neck,

you're far more valuable to Mr. Wish than she is.

They kidnapped the wrong person.

You don't have to go looking for him.

He'll come looking for you.

Hello.

Now, how did you get away?

I didn't.

Oh!

Who are you? How'd you get in here?

Mannix... why are you acting so hostile?

I could've got one of my boys to slap you awake.

I'm truly sorry, Joe.

About getting you involved, I mean.

Take Miss Redstone down to the car.

No, hold it.

You let her go, or you're wasting your time.

Mannix, you don't have such a big bargaining position.

Now, either she walks out of here alone,

or... you got no bargaining at all.

Well, I'm a pretty trusting soul.

All right.

Thank you, Joe.

Now, let's start from the top, huh?

Who are you?

My name's Wish, Benjamin Wish.

Uh, these fellows here

have got names, but that's of no interest to you.

Uh, your little deal is with me.

Deal.

Now, uh, just what sort of a deal is that?

Now, there's a thousand in it for you.

$500 at the nod of a head, the rest just as easy.

I always get hung up on that word "easy."

What do I do?

I want you to deliver a message

to a friend of yours for me.

Roger Bard.

Now, the first part of that deal I can handle.

I nod with a lot of class.

But, uh, let's hear the message.

Well, I want you to tell Roger that, uh,

none of us feel unfriendly towards him,

that we grabbed Claudia last night,

and it can happen again,

unless he intends to divide the prize,

as was originally planned amongst us.

Are you sure he won't make a counteroffer,

like, uh, you keep Claudia, he'll keep the prize?

Oh, no.

Roger wouldn't play those games with me.

You see, Roger wouldn't like anyone to think that

it was his fault for anything that could happen to her.

You're, uh, saying you'd hurt Claudia.

Well, you know, lots of very funny things happen to people.

But the question is now, whether you're gonna deliver my message

to Roger.

You know...

I haven't got the foggiest idea where to look for Roger.

Why don't you leave that to old Benjie Wish, eh?

Right, lads, you can go.

Now, look, Mannix, I think you ought to hop into some clothes,

'cause you and I have got a long morning's drive.

Over this way, Mannix.

The hacienda is right up there.

It's patrolled.

By armed guards?

Yeah, I think they call them charros.

You said that this was gonna be an easy $500.

Well, just a little walk in the sun...

It won't hurt you.

Yeah, well, there's nothing like jogging

past a firing squad to keep a man healthy.

I'll be waiting here for you.

♪ ♪

What are you doing on my land, señor?

Came here to talk to you, Roger.

Wizard, old boy!

Heh. Thought I might fool you for a moment, at least.

The ears, Roger, they're a dead giveaway.

Well, good show.

One of my ideas for escaping.

I see it won't work.

Gracias.

Oh, you did call Claudia from here,

telling her to bring me down to get you out of a jam?

Definitely, as she should have told you...

You are the only friend I could turn to.

Well, that I can believe.

You get a lot of mileage out of a friend, Roger.

Well, actually, Joe, you wouldn't be down here,

but I am in desperate straits.

Oh, well, now if this is what you call desperate, then...

I'd like to know how to join the club.

You can't trust appearances, old boy.

Actually, I'm a prisoner here.

The only road that leaves here is controlled by my enemies.

You see, the charros can hold them at bay, but I can't move.

The original Mexican standoff.

Yes. Yes, sort of.

Yeah. Well, I learned this morning that

the hostile forces intercepted the chap

I sent to talk to you... They made him talk.

That's how it happened.

Oh, what did happen?

Their man met us in Ensenada last night.

It was a pretty bad scene, Roger.

Oh, I say, I'm sorry.

Is Claudia all right?

Yeah, she is for the time being.

Which brings me to the message from Mr. Wish.

Yes? It seems Claudia's continued good health

depends on you

and, uh, splitting the, quote, prize, unquote,

as originally planned.

Yes. Uh, well...

tell Mr. Wish that I'll be in touch with him shortly.

All right.

Um, am I to assume

th-that's all you're prepared to do for me?

That's right.

Oh, well, my charros will see you back to Ensenada.

What about Claudia?

Oh, believe me, old chap,

Claudia can take care of herself.

You know, Roger, with you as a friend,

a man really has to keep up his insurance premiums.

Don't move!

Stay loose.

Put your hands up against the wall.

Arriba!

Now turn around, Roger,

face the desk with your hands on it.

Uh... I say, you, uh...

you wouldn't really use that thing, would you?

If you'd like to test me, Roger, try something.

Yes. Well, this chivalry

is wasted on Claudia, I assure you.

I'm doing this for myself... now, let's go.

Um, uh, where? Ensenada.

Oh, you're taking me to see Benjamin Wish.

No, I'm taking you to see Dustin Rhodes of Scotland Yard.

Now, what happens after that is strictly your ball game.

Oh, I see... you met the inspector, then?

Mm. And I know all about your heist in good old Blighty.

One question, Roger.

Exactly how was I supposed to help you get away from Wish?

Uh, well, I thought that we could play

a sort of a charade; we could exchange identities.

Now, Roger, we don't look anything alike.

Ah, you and I know that.

And so does Benjie Wish.

Yes, but you see, were he to learn

that after losing us here,

a man accompanied by Claudia Redstone departed

from Ensenada airport by chartered plane,

well, he'd assume that man was Roger Bard.

He'd hardly expect me to be driving back

to Los Angeles in a motorcar, would he?

I'll buy that, Roger.

But you know, Mr. Wish is out on that road.

Now is there another way to Ensenada?

No. I thought that my charros could pin him down

just long enough for us to get by.

All right, Roger, but you make your charros understand

that they do exactly as I tell them...

or they lose a very good patrón.

Right.

Oh, absolutely.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Which side of the road are you working, eh?

Well, I work strictly down the middle, friend.

You know, old matey, there's nothing to keep us

from letting you rot out the rest of your life in jail.

Think about it.

Well, I have thought about it,

and I find the possibility very unlikely.

See, because you'd be rotting in jail with me.

That's not a very attractive picture, is it?

Now, if you were trying to get away,

you were headed for the prize.

I had a funny notion you were trying to cut old Wish out.

You know, Mannix, being partners to a dude like your friend here,

one learns to expect a double cross.

That's why I had a car follow us up here.

Block the road behind us.

Seems to be less and less trust in the world.

Yes, pity.

Cigarette, old chap?

No smoking here, Bard.

You'd probably try and start a brush fire.

Less and less trust in the world.

Right, lads, let's get him to the car.

Hold it, gentlemen, the guns on the ground, please.

Thank you.

Now could we walk in this direction?

Thank you.

Don't shoot him, you ruddy fools!

He's the only one who knows where the loot is!

Get that tree out of the road!

Fast!

Don't you try anything.

I don't mind if they shoot you.

♪ ♪

Mannix, you're in trouble, old boy?

You might say so.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Young lady... most likely our young friend, Claudia,

rang me at the hotel,

told me I might find you out here.

Recommended this whirly.

Clever girl.

Yeah.

You seem upset.

Well, I think I'll feel better

once we get back with our old friends again.

Shall we get in the bird?!

Fine.

There's Wish.

Ought to be over Bard's car in minutes.

There's Bard!

I wonder why he's stopped.

Good show, Mannix, old boy.

Lucky you dropped by. I'm out of petrol.

You better get in the bird.

Wish should be here in a couple of minutes.

Sorry, old man. No room.

Let's go.

Well, for a place as deserted as the moon,

you certainly run into everybody you know around here.

I certainly didn't expect to see you trudging along like this.

Didn't Mr. Rhodes find you?

That he did.

He was supposed to pick you up.

Well, he did that, too.

And he also put me back down again.

Why should he have done that?

I think it had something to do with, uh, Uncle Roger?

Joe, I've meant to talk to you about that.

He's not really my uncle.

Well, you could have fooled me.

Roger's a good friend.

He got into trouble a few years ago.

He stole some money, a lot of money.

You don't know what he's been through, Joe.

He's been hounded all over the world.

He'd like to give it back, stop running,

but he doesn't want to go back to jail.

That's understandable.

I hoped you could talk him into telling you where the money is.

Maybe then we could get away,

and you and Rhodes could share the reward.

You think Rhodes would agree to that?

I think Mr. Rhodes plans to take that reward for himself.

As a matter of fact, that's what he's about to do.

He can't.

Well, he's doing it.

That helicopter with Roger and Rhodes aboard

should be in Ensenada in about half an hour.

No, no, it didn't.

You trying to tell me something?

I paid for the whirly and the pilot.

I ought to have something to say about where it lands.

And that's not Ensenada?

It is not.

Get in, Joe.

He'll fly them around a while.

I paid for two hours in the air.

If we hurry, we can surprise them.

Well, nothing's gonna surprise me anymore.

Besides, I'd like to have a little chat

with Mr. Rhodes myself.

You really came loaded for bear.

I thought Rhodes might be more receptive

with champagne and caviar.

Don't you agree?

That's what I call good thinking.

Well, it's not the most romantic place in the world for a picnic,

but it'll have to do.

Well, I must admit,

it has a certain amount of charm.

And a certain amount of dust.

Joe, have you ever stopped to wonder about the first man

who ever decided caviar was something to eat?

Genius.

I thought you said our friends were arriving by helicopter.

Something must have gone wrong.

Well, that's it then, Mannix.

Unless you want the lady hurt.

Get the car out of sight.

My, my...

that's a very nice picnic you set up there, Claudia.

How did you find us?

Oh, we never lost you.

We followed you here.

You and your friend Mannix.

Where are we?

Lost.

But there is a winery down there.

Maybe somebody there can tell us where is Ensenada, huh?

I call this living high on the hog.

Too much grub here just for you folks.

You must have been expecting visitors.

Lucky you were able to make it.

Well, the place is becoming popular.

I should have made a reservation.

Roger, darling,

there's been a terrible change in plans.

Yes, so it seems.

Get his gun.

Oh, no, the inspector has my gun.

Well, gentlemen, how was your flight?

Oh, charming.

Might have known what to expect at the end of it.

I must recommend you to my travel agent.

I hope you didn't go to too much trouble, my dear.

I refer, of course, to this little double-cross.

I didn't, Roger.

I di... they followed us here... truly.

That's right. She didn't know.

Oh, it doesn't matter, Claudia. No hard feelings.

I hope you and Wish will make a very happy couple.

That's very generous of you, Roger.

There is, after all, no spur like avarice.

Well, now, Roger, don't tell me you're going to knock avarice?

I mean, a man who stole six million dollars

and then cut out his partners?

Partners cut me out, Joe.

Wish over there identified me to Scotland Yard.

Wait a minute, Roger, that hurts.

That hurts very much.

Who got you out of the clink?

You had no choice.

I'd hidden the money before I got picked up.

Getting me out was the only chance you had

to put your hands on the prize.

Well, now that you're back with us, Roger, uh...

you know, perhaps we'll start from the beginning, eh?

You're wasting your time, Wish.

He's not going to tell you where the money is.

We'll see about that; we'll see.

Oh, Roger, with six million dollars,

why does anybody have to be a loser?

Of course, darling, Mannix is right.

Now while you're thinking about that, Roger,

why don't we just have a little drink of champagne,

and you just keep thinking about that and...

All right, nobody, just like statues.

Now let's drop those guns, huh? Come on.

You, too, Wish.

Over there, both of you.

Now, Roger, why don't you and Claudia

bring the car around front. I'll be out in a minute.

Jolly decent. Thank you, old chap.

How about me, Mannix?

Well, I'm sorry, Rhodes, but, uh...

you can't have everything.

No room.

Now, turn around, gentlemen.

And I want you to stay right there,

'cause the first man through this door

is gonna meet a bullet.

I'm sorry, Joe, darling.

But give me the gun.

You wouldn't.

I would.

And I'd hate to spoil

a beautiful man like you with a bullet.

But one half of six million dollars

is three million dollars,

and three million is three million.

And a money-hungry gal is a money-hungry gal.

Joe, you'll hear from me.

I'll get a check off for services rendered.

Save your money, Roger.

You'll need a lawyer.

Where's the car?

Round the side. Let's go.

Mannix!

Well, here we are again, Rhodes,

with each other for company.

Mm! I'm sorry about leaving you out in the desert, old chap,

but I couldn't take any chances after all this time.

No hard feelings, I hope.

No hard feelings. Hm.

But we have to find them, you know.

Oh, I'm perfectly willing to let them come to me.

Hold it a minute, Mannix.

Do I understand you correctly, they will come to you?

They will, if I can arrange to be there

when they get back to L.A.

May I be of service?

That whirly out there

can't fly without its ignition key, can it?

Good show.

Ah, we're back in business then, I take it?

We both take it.

Oh, darling, it's only five past 2:00.

It's four hours before daylight.

Plenty of time to make our little getaway.

Yes, darling.

"Danger... structure condemned due to fire damage.

Do not enter."

Oh, no!

Hello, Roger.

Joe.

Oh, and you know Claudia.

Oh, yeah... and you know my secretary Peggy.

Yes.

Yeah, it's too bad about what happened to your office.

What did happen?

Peggy, maybe you'd better tell them.

While you were in Mexico, there was a fire.

A fire?

How bad was it?

Totaled it out.

As I get the picture from Peggy,

it burned right through the roof.

The firemen thought the entire place was going to go up.

Oh, I'd better go up... No, you'd better not, Roger.

There's no floor, no ceiling, nothing.

You don't understand, I must see...

Oh, no, you'd better not because I think

that's Scotland Yard approaching.

You see, he's been

following you ever since we got back to L.A.

in hopes you'd lead him to the money.

Roger, it does look like Rhodes' car.

I think you can get out the back way.

Yes.

Oh, I'll see you later, old chap.

Any sign of them?

I've been following them

since they left the apartment, as you suggested,

but they gave me the slip.

I thought they might come here.

Well, they slipped right through my fingers, too, Rhodes.

They just got away with all the loot.

Didn't you see them? They went that way.

You must have passed them.

As a matter of fact,

I'll bet you can catch them, if you hurry.

I'll give them a good run for it, don't you worry.

See you, Rhodesy.

What did you do all that for?

He's no more Scotland Yard than I am.

Just a suspicious man by nature.

You see, Scotland Yard men don't usually carry guns,

so I phoned London.

Oh, there's a Dustin Rhodes, all right,

but he's been in a London hospital for six months.

Broke his back.

Fell down a coal chute.

There we go.

The money actually belongs to the Bank of England.

We'd better get at it before our friends return.

How can you be so certain that Bard hid the money up there?

Actually, he told me it was up here

when he said his business was booming,

went right through the ceiling.

I can see why a man would pay his rent five years in advance.

You have to hand it to Mr. Bard...

There's nothing to ease the tensions of modern-day living

like an acoustic ceiling full of money.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.