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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:02,506 Hands up where I can see 'em! 2 00:00:04,341 --> 00:00:05,926 Good gravy, it's Harriet Tubman! 3 00:00:05,926 --> 00:00:07,927 The inventor of the... tub? 4 00:00:07,927 --> 00:00:10,472 How did these dumb asses enslave us? 5 00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:13,267 Roll it! 6 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,145 - I'm Kublai Khan. - Amelia Earhart. 7 00:00:16,145 --> 00:00:17,229 The Romanovs! 8 00:00:17,229 --> 00:00:18,730 I am Sigmund Freud. 9 00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:20,649 Join me for my Masturbate. 10 00:00:20,858 --> 00:00:22,651 Masterclass. What? 11 00:00:24,194 --> 00:00:26,071 - Who are you? - Some call me Jesus Christ, son of God. 12 00:00:26,071 --> 00:00:27,614 Some call him broke and corny. 13 00:00:29,825 --> 00:00:30,825 Oh, hello! 14 00:00:33,036 --> 00:00:34,413 Okay, that's actually crazy. 15 00:00:37,207 --> 00:00:38,584 Mwah! 16 00:00:40,836 --> 00:00:43,422 Noah, you were supposed to get two of every animal. 17 00:00:43,422 --> 00:00:45,132 I got two Chihuahuas. Two pugs. 18 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,301 I got three pugs. Don't tell God. 19 00:00:53,515 --> 00:00:57,478 Hello. I'm American treasure Mel Brooks. 20 00:00:57,478 --> 00:00:59,855 To some of you, I'm a hero. 21 00:00:59,855 --> 00:01:02,608 To others, merely a legend. 22 00:01:02,608 --> 00:01:05,152 Over 40 years ago, I wrote and directed 23 00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,404 History of the World, Part I, 24 00:01:07,404 --> 00:01:09,490 a sketch comedy movie that showed 25 00:01:09,490 --> 00:01:11,533 the real side of history. 26 00:01:11,533 --> 00:01:14,745 I also starred in it. Maybe a mistake. 27 00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:17,790 So when I was approached by somebody named Hulu 28 00:01:17,790 --> 00:01:20,584 to make a sequel, I had two conditions. 29 00:01:20,584 --> 00:01:22,753 One, they had to make me look 30 00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:26,048 exactly how I did in 1981. 31 00:01:26,048 --> 00:01:29,176 And here I am. Exactly what I looked like. 32 00:01:29,927 --> 00:01:31,595 Who knew there were muscles here? 33 00:01:31,595 --> 00:01:35,891 Anyway, my other stipulation was all original material. 34 00:01:36,433 --> 00:01:39,144 Nothing from Part I, no repeats. 35 00:01:39,144 --> 00:01:41,146 So, without further ado, 36 00:01:41,146 --> 00:01:42,773 I present to you... 37 00:01:42,773 --> 00:01:45,734 History of the World, Part II! 38 00:01:45,734 --> 00:01:48,737 Hey, guys! Look at me! I'm swole. 39 00:01:54,868 --> 00:01:57,871 History of the World, Part II! 40 00:02:05,796 --> 00:02:07,339 The Civil War. 41 00:02:10,926 --> 00:02:13,720 The Civil War was in its final days. 42 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,682 We're talking about the one in the 1860s, 43 00:02:16,682 --> 00:02:19,309 not the one coming up in 2024. 44 00:02:20,644 --> 00:02:25,315 The South was on its last legs as the Union Army closed in, 45 00:02:25,315 --> 00:02:30,779 and at the head of that army was the lushly bearded Ulysses S. Grant. 46 00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:34,116 Who was also a bit of a lush. 47 00:02:34,116 --> 00:02:36,660 - General Grant. - Hi, Pam, how are ya? 48 00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:38,036 Big win out there. 49 00:02:38,036 --> 00:02:40,080 What is going through your mind right now? 50 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,666 Well, we lost 4,000 men out there. They're dead. 51 00:02:42,666 --> 00:02:45,502 But we did kill 6,000 of their guys, 52 00:02:45,502 --> 00:02:47,171 but a lot of their guys were related to our guys, 53 00:02:47,171 --> 00:02:48,797 so it's a lot of mixed emotions right now, Pam. 54 00:02:48,797 --> 00:02:50,799 They say the war is almost over. 55 00:02:50,799 --> 00:02:53,761 If the North wins, will you go to Disneyland? 56 00:02:53,761 --> 00:02:56,388 Well, that depends, do they have a bar? JK. 57 00:02:56,388 --> 00:02:59,099 I'll hang you both if you dump that on me. 58 00:02:59,099 --> 00:03:01,143 Great to see you, Pam. Take care. 59 00:03:01,143 --> 00:03:03,645 Please don't take my arm, sir. I'm a drummer. 60 00:03:03,645 --> 00:03:05,189 Can I get a dull saw? 61 00:03:05,189 --> 00:03:06,565 Tell me, Doc, will it hurt? 62 00:03:06,565 --> 00:03:08,734 When we amputate your head? Yeah. 63 00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:10,652 Play Devil Went Down to Georgia! 64 00:03:10,652 --> 00:03:13,614 - We don't have the rights! - Just do a sound alike! 65 00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:18,911 Hold on, everyone. Daddy's comin'. 66 00:03:18,911 --> 00:03:20,788 Daddy's home. Come to Papa. 67 00:03:21,663 --> 00:03:24,291 - Sir! - What is it?! 68 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:27,044 President Lincoln is in your quarters, sir! 69 00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:30,506 I know! Dismissed. 70 00:03:32,382 --> 00:03:33,634 Fuck! 71 00:03:41,809 --> 00:03:45,187 - Mr. President. - Oh, there he is! 72 00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:47,397 H... h-hey... Oh! 73 00:03:47,397 --> 00:03:49,608 Stephen Douglas' dick hole! 74 00:03:49,608 --> 00:03:51,318 Are you okay, sir? 75 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,569 Yes, I'm fine. 76 00:03:52,569 --> 00:03:54,988 - Have a seat, Ulysses, have a seat. - All right. 77 00:03:54,988 --> 00:03:56,990 Oh. 78 00:03:56,990 --> 00:03:58,450 Mr. President, you look exhausted. 79 00:03:58,450 --> 00:04:00,786 This war has taken a toll on you, sir. 80 00:04:00,786 --> 00:04:03,288 It's not the war. It's my height. 81 00:04:03,288 --> 00:04:04,581 I mean, look at me! 82 00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:06,375 They don't make things for a big boy like me! 83 00:04:06,375 --> 00:04:07,668 I mean... 84 00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:09,336 Look at these pants, Ulysses. 85 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:12,256 Look at that! They're basically capris. 86 00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:14,800 I'm a big boy! I need big boy pants! 87 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,510 I will say they look kind of fun, 88 00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:18,637 somethin' you could wear at a summer party, maybe. 89 00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:19,638 Look, anyways. 90 00:04:20,848 --> 00:04:22,766 I have heard some grumblings 91 00:04:22,766 --> 00:04:25,853 and that your imbibing has gotten a bit out of control. 92 00:04:25,853 --> 00:04:27,896 - My imbibing? Who told you that? - Mm-hmm. 93 00:04:27,896 --> 00:04:30,524 Was it Sheridan? Because he's addicted to laudanum. 94 00:04:30,524 --> 00:04:32,317 Look, I don't drink a lot, you know? 95 00:04:32,317 --> 00:04:34,278 Like, maybe, like, a little bit, like, on a holiday or some... 96 00:04:39,783 --> 00:04:43,537 I believe today is what the Hebrews call Pesach, sir. 97 00:04:43,537 --> 00:04:47,624 No more alcohol until the war is over! 98 00:04:47,624 --> 00:04:49,668 Do you understand me, Ulysses? 99 00:04:52,588 --> 00:04:54,757 Yeah, sure, fine. I don't need a drink. 100 00:04:55,174 --> 00:04:56,175 Good. 101 00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:58,552 All right, there is one more thing that I need to talk to you about. 102 00:04:58,552 --> 00:04:59,887 It's about my son, Robert Todd. 103 00:04:59,887 --> 00:05:01,096 Your son. 104 00:05:01,096 --> 00:05:04,391 He has been begging me to enlist, and now that the war 105 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:07,811 is nearly over, I feel like this is the perfect time to just... 106 00:05:07,811 --> 00:05:09,730 - get him in there. - Once all the regular fighters have... 107 00:05:09,730 --> 00:05:11,273 - Yes, yes, abs... - ... given their lives 108 00:05:11,273 --> 00:05:12,660 and bled and lost their legs, 109 00:05:12,661 --> 00:05:13,942 now you wanna sneak in your little Harvard boy 110 00:05:13,942 --> 00:05:15,068 for a couple days on the course. 111 00:05:15,068 --> 00:05:16,361 Yes! No, you understand! 112 00:05:16,361 --> 00:05:18,655 - Gotcha, gotcha, okay. - Absolutely. He's a good boy. 113 00:05:18,655 --> 00:05:20,073 You know, I want you to look after him. 114 00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:22,451 Mr. President, I want you to know, 115 00:05:22,451 --> 00:05:23,702 I won't let the boy out of my sight. 116 00:05:23,827 --> 00:05:25,537 Oh, good, good, good. Robert Todd! 117 00:05:25,537 --> 00:05:27,831 - Oh, Jesus! Good lord! - Goddammit! 118 00:05:27,831 --> 00:05:29,625 I have legs for arms! 119 00:05:30,209 --> 00:05:31,502 That was a gift from my wife. 120 00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:33,003 Ow! Goddammit! 121 00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,254 RT! 122 00:05:36,006 --> 00:05:37,341 General Grant, sir! 123 00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:38,467 It is an honor, sir! 124 00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:41,470 I have been a huge fan my entire life! 125 00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:44,598 - And how long is that, young man? - One score and two years. 126 00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:46,809 That means 22 in our secret language. 127 00:05:46,809 --> 00:05:48,519 - Come on over here! Come over here. - Right. 128 00:05:48,519 --> 00:05:51,146 There's my big, strong boy. Watch this. 129 00:05:51,146 --> 00:05:52,564 I trained him well. Look at this. 130 00:05:53,315 --> 00:05:54,817 What do I have? You've trained for this. 131 00:05:54,817 --> 00:05:55,943 - What do I have? - My nose. 132 00:05:55,943 --> 00:05:58,320 Yes! Can you get it? Can you reattach it? 133 00:06:00,197 --> 00:06:02,574 First try. Good job, son. 134 00:06:02,574 --> 00:06:03,659 Seems like a great kid. 135 00:06:03,659 --> 00:06:05,661 He's in good hands, Mr. President. 136 00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,663 All right. 137 00:06:10,124 --> 00:06:12,626 The Union state is in your hands, Ulysses. 138 00:06:13,919 --> 00:06:14,920 End this war. 139 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,422 Yes, Mr. President. 140 00:06:18,715 --> 00:06:22,845 And I have every soldier in the entire state of Virginia 141 00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:26,265 on orders to deny you alcohol. Is that understood? 142 00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:30,060 - Yes, sir. - Good. 143 00:06:30,936 --> 00:06:33,230 Goddammit! 144 00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:34,940 That is gonna be the worst thing 145 00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,443 that's gonna happen to my head all year. 146 00:06:38,235 --> 00:06:40,529 - Thanks for comin' by, sir. - Good to see you. 147 00:06:42,322 --> 00:06:43,782 General Grant, sir. 148 00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:46,326 Would you do me the honor of regaling me 149 00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:48,495 with your most horrifying war stories? 150 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:52,166 I mean, I really wanna know what it's like to see the-the light 151 00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,293 drain out of a man's eye by your own hand. 152 00:06:54,293 --> 00:06:55,502 General, no! 153 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,087 Ah! Damn it! 154 00:06:57,087 --> 00:06:59,173 Who drank all my gun whiskey?! 155 00:06:59,173 --> 00:07:01,717 Okay. 156 00:07:01,717 --> 00:07:03,385 Think, Ulysses, think. 157 00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:06,388 I have decided 158 00:07:06,388 --> 00:07:08,849 that you are ready to join me on a top-secret mission, 159 00:07:08,849 --> 00:07:10,392 but I'm warning you right now. 160 00:07:10,392 --> 00:07:12,352 It's gonna be very, very whiskey. 161 00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:14,313 Risky. Are you in? 162 00:07:14,313 --> 00:07:16,398 I will follow you to the gates of Hell, sir. 163 00:07:16,398 --> 00:07:18,650 It's worse than that, son. 164 00:07:18,650 --> 00:07:19,902 We're goin' to West Virginia. 165 00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,488 No... No... 166 00:07:24,072 --> 00:07:25,365 No! 167 00:07:31,622 --> 00:07:33,123 The Kama Sutra. 168 00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:37,795 Thank you for having me to, uh, pitch my new book idea. 169 00:07:37,795 --> 00:07:39,630 - Well, thank you for coming. We're big fans. - Ah. 170 00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,340 I'm a simple guy. 171 00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:43,300 I like eating soup. I like having sex. 172 00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:45,886 If I'm not going "slurp, slurp, slurp," 173 00:07:45,886 --> 00:07:46,887 I'm eating soup. 174 00:07:46,887 --> 00:07:48,764 I like that. 175 00:07:48,764 --> 00:07:51,391 And so, this really brings my two passions together. 176 00:07:51,391 --> 00:07:55,145 I have created hundreds of tasty soup recipes 177 00:07:55,145 --> 00:07:59,316 and paired them with the perfect corresponding sexual position. 178 00:07:59,316 --> 00:08:03,028 I call it Kama Souptra, From Soup to Nuts! 179 00:08:03,028 --> 00:08:05,364 From soup to nuts! 180 00:08:05,364 --> 00:08:07,032 Oh, okay. Well, that's very clever. 181 00:08:07,032 --> 00:08:09,284 All right, here we go. First one. 182 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,122 Lamb stew, you know, paired with the simple missionary. 183 00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:15,374 It's warm. It's comforting. Everyone likes it. 184 00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:18,127 Now we're getting a little more fun. 185 00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:21,630 Leek soup. For obvious reasons, you're gonna need a tarp for this one. 186 00:08:23,173 --> 00:08:24,550 Ooh! Love this one. 187 00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:27,302 Summer gazpacho. That's when you and your lover share a chilled soup 188 00:08:27,302 --> 00:08:28,679 while fucking on a cold tile counter. 189 00:08:28,679 --> 00:08:30,764 Wait, that looks so much like your wife. 190 00:08:30,764 --> 00:08:33,517 That is my wife! And that's my neighbor Prakash. 191 00:08:33,517 --> 00:08:34,560 - Oh. - Moving on. 192 00:08:35,102 --> 00:08:37,771 Let me guess. That's chowder. 193 00:08:37,771 --> 00:08:39,940 That's exactly right. And before you ask, 194 00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:43,277 this position pairs just as well with New England or Manhattan chowder. 195 00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,572 Spinach artichoke. It's vegan, 196 00:08:46,572 --> 00:08:48,323 pairs well with a nice light choking. 197 00:08:48,323 --> 00:08:50,909 See, I've always been a little reluctant to go there. 198 00:08:50,909 --> 00:08:53,078 Oh yeah, people are afraid to go vegan, but it's very satisfying. 199 00:08:53,787 --> 00:08:56,075 Ooh! Uh, this is a slow-cook recipe 200 00:08:56,076 --> 00:08:58,375 for a tantric mushroom and barley soup. 201 00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:01,420 For when you wanna take 12 hours to climax. 202 00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:04,256 - Oh. What does that taste like? - Who does that? 203 00:09:04,256 --> 00:09:06,508 It tastes like your wife fucking the neighbor. 204 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:08,886 - Oh, Prakash. - Prakash. 205 00:09:08,886 --> 00:09:10,804 Yeah, Prakash sucks. Anyways, 206 00:09:10,804 --> 00:09:13,682 since we don't want this to be a tantric meeting, 207 00:09:13,682 --> 00:09:15,058 should I just fly through a bunch of 'em? 208 00:09:15,058 --> 00:09:16,310 Keep it moving? 209 00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,311 Here we go. 210 00:09:17,853 --> 00:09:20,773 Egg drop soup. No muss, no fuss, for when you wanna make a baby. 211 00:09:20,773 --> 00:09:22,983 This is a simple recipe for tortellini, 212 00:09:22,983 --> 00:09:24,818 the butthole of pastas. It's fun, 213 00:09:24,818 --> 00:09:27,863 but you're gonna need some oil and good communication. 214 00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:30,616 Italian wedding. That's when fuck your aunt 215 00:09:30,616 --> 00:09:32,993 while she yells at your cousin for not becoming a cop. 216 00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:34,745 Butternut squash! 217 00:09:34,745 --> 00:09:36,830 That's when she butters your nuts till you squash. 218 00:09:37,498 --> 00:09:40,083 I have many more. Should I keep going or... 219 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,628 I don't think that's gonna be necessary. 220 00:09:44,296 --> 00:09:46,590 Because we love it! 221 00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:48,258 - You do? - We just have one little note. 222 00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:49,593 - Yes. - Okay, 223 00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:52,054 we don't want the soup. We just want the sex positions. 224 00:09:52,554 --> 00:09:54,681 Okay, that's actually crazy 225 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,433 because the soup is what's gonna make this book 226 00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:58,560 - a best seller for a thousand years. - Mm... 227 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,521 You know what? I am not a pornographer. 228 00:10:00,521 --> 00:10:02,648 I do not make art to get people off. 229 00:10:02,648 --> 00:10:05,025 I make art to get people off and fill their bellies 230 00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:07,903 with a nice bowl of soup, stew, chowder, or bisque. 231 00:10:07,903 --> 00:10:10,239 If you don't get that, maybe this is not the place for me. 232 00:10:10,239 --> 00:10:11,907 Oh, oh... 233 00:10:11,907 --> 00:10:14,576 - So we're just gonna steal the idea, right? - Absolutely. 234 00:10:19,915 --> 00:10:22,292 The Russian Revolution. 235 00:10:24,169 --> 00:10:26,171 Russia, 1918. 236 00:10:26,171 --> 00:10:28,841 The Romanov family clings to power 237 00:10:28,841 --> 00:10:31,385 as Vlad Lenin and the Bolsheviks 238 00:10:31,385 --> 00:10:33,303 lead the communist revolution. 239 00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:35,180 Meanwhile, in the countryside, 240 00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:38,183 my people did what they had done for centuries. 241 00:10:38,183 --> 00:10:40,144 Be poor Jews. 242 00:10:40,144 --> 00:10:43,439 - Real estate! Real estate! - Get your dream hut... 243 00:10:43,439 --> 00:10:46,400 From Property Brothers Karamazov! 244 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,652 Bot seeds! Bot seeds! 245 00:10:48,652 --> 00:10:51,905 You can't have a Russian bot farm without bot seeds! 246 00:10:51,905 --> 00:10:53,490 Serf-boards! 247 00:10:53,490 --> 00:10:55,659 Put your serf on a board! 248 00:10:55,659 --> 00:10:59,037 Mud pies! Get your mud pies! 249 00:10:59,037 --> 00:11:02,332 Get your mud pies from me, Schmuck Mudman! 250 00:11:02,332 --> 00:11:04,543 Made with the abject suffering 251 00:11:04,543 --> 00:11:07,296 and eczema of the Jewish diaspora. 252 00:11:07,296 --> 00:11:10,883 All you need to do is add war-der. 253 00:11:12,426 --> 00:11:14,344 Joshy, my sweet son, come, come help me 254 00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:17,181 with the family business! 255 00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:20,267 I don't care about the family business, Dad! 256 00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,478 All I care about is falling in love, 257 00:11:22,478 --> 00:11:24,855 and I'll never meet the girl of my dreams 258 00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:27,274 if I'm selling... mud pies. 259 00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,735 That's not true. I met your mother selling mud pies! 260 00:11:30,444 --> 00:11:31,862 Her father came in, bought one, 261 00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:35,365 got absolutely horrible food poisoning, and, as punishment, 262 00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:37,826 he made me marry his most difficult daur-der. 263 00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:39,495 I don't want an arranged marriage. 264 00:11:39,495 --> 00:11:40,621 I can arrange that. 265 00:11:41,079 --> 00:11:43,582 Joshy, don't you see that when you submit 266 00:11:43,582 --> 00:11:46,960 to a higher force, good things can happen? 267 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,879 It's all about submission. 268 00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:55,302 ♪ Submission, submission! ♪ 269 00:11:55,302 --> 00:11:56,970 ♪ When you yield to a superior force ♪ 270 00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:58,555 Hey, shut up! Sha! 271 00:11:58,555 --> 00:12:00,808 Sha! Stop the song. We need to talk. 272 00:12:00,808 --> 00:12:02,392 Go inside now. 273 00:12:02,392 --> 00:12:05,145 And so, the song has come to its natural conclusion. 274 00:12:05,145 --> 00:12:08,065 Right behind you, my sour pickle. 275 00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:10,359 Bert, watch my mud pies. 276 00:12:10,359 --> 00:12:11,860 - Sure. - Thank you. 277 00:12:13,654 --> 00:12:14,947 - Look! - Oh no! 278 00:12:14,947 --> 00:12:17,366 - Mets continue slump? - No! 279 00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:20,869 The idiot Tsar and his parasitic family have been executed. 280 00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:29,086 Ugh. This is, like, really when I miss my servants. 281 00:12:29,086 --> 00:12:30,087 Okay. 282 00:12:30,087 --> 00:12:33,090 Hey, you guys! It's me, your girl, Princess Anastasia. 283 00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:35,676 For today's tutorial, I feel like I've been seeing a lot of comments 284 00:12:35,676 --> 00:12:38,429 that you guys are like pretty downtrodden and like poor or whatever. 285 00:12:38,429 --> 00:12:40,055 So, I figured I would show you 286 00:12:40,055 --> 00:12:41,640 how to de-contour your cheeks 287 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,725 so that your face can look like it has like food 288 00:12:43,725 --> 00:12:45,436 or like, I don't know, shelter. 289 00:12:45,436 --> 00:12:48,105 - Anastasia, your lunch is here! - You guys! 290 00:12:48,105 --> 00:12:49,982 You're being so loud right now! 291 00:12:49,982 --> 00:12:51,900 I'm recording! 292 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,235 Ah, kids! 293 00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:54,778 Why the long faces? 294 00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:57,781 We are not inbred like the Hapsburgs. 295 00:12:57,781 --> 00:12:59,491 We are the Romanovs! 296 00:12:59,491 --> 00:13:02,161 We only sleep with beautiful relatives! 297 00:13:02,161 --> 00:13:04,288 Ew, Dad, boundaries. 298 00:13:04,288 --> 00:13:07,082 How long is this revolution gonna last? 299 00:13:07,082 --> 00:13:09,042 I wanna go back to the Winter Palace. 300 00:13:09,042 --> 00:13:12,045 This merchant's house is so last season. 301 00:13:12,045 --> 00:13:15,549 It'll just be a matter of time before we are reinstated 302 00:13:15,549 --> 00:13:17,843 as the rightful rulers of Russia! 303 00:13:17,843 --> 00:13:20,512 The people love us, and what's not to love? 304 00:13:20,512 --> 00:13:22,931 With our leaky blood and weak bones? 305 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:27,853 Oh lord, the Prince is getting sicker. 306 00:13:27,853 --> 00:13:29,271 What else are we gonna do? 307 00:13:29,271 --> 00:13:33,025 We wrapped his scrotum in garlic bulbs, 308 00:13:33,025 --> 00:13:35,444 like our family doctor prescribed. 309 00:13:35,444 --> 00:13:38,197 Speaking of, where the devil is he? 310 00:13:38,197 --> 00:13:41,074 Did someone say "the Devil"? 311 00:13:43,243 --> 00:13:44,828 Who farted? 312 00:13:44,828 --> 00:13:46,955 - Oh! - Yes... 313 00:13:46,955 --> 00:13:49,333 My dear Rasputin. 314 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,350 The only mystic in Russia that I trust 315 00:13:51,351 --> 00:13:53,629 with my medical and political advice. 316 00:13:53,629 --> 00:13:55,297 Ah, Rasputin! 317 00:13:55,297 --> 00:13:57,132 I heard some noble stabbed you! 318 00:13:57,132 --> 00:13:58,342 A mere tickle. 319 00:13:58,342 --> 00:13:59,426 Rasputin. 320 00:13:59,426 --> 00:14:02,221 Our son Alexi's health declines, 321 00:14:02,221 --> 00:14:04,973 and we're in desperate need of your... 322 00:14:04,973 --> 00:14:06,433 healing powers. 323 00:14:06,433 --> 00:14:07,726 Huh. 324 00:14:07,726 --> 00:14:09,978 Okay, up. 325 00:14:12,523 --> 00:14:13,523 Follow my hand. 326 00:14:20,739 --> 00:14:23,283 Okay. So, my diagnosis 327 00:14:23,283 --> 00:14:25,327 is that your son's body 328 00:14:25,327 --> 00:14:27,871 is being haunted by Moldovan demons. 329 00:14:27,871 --> 00:14:29,581 Fucking Moldovan. 330 00:14:30,624 --> 00:14:31,750 Anything else? 331 00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:33,085 That about covers it. 332 00:14:33,085 --> 00:14:34,628 I'm off! 333 00:14:34,628 --> 00:14:37,673 Long live the Romanovs! 334 00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:40,592 Ew! Ras-P-U-tin! 335 00:14:40,592 --> 00:14:42,719 Who'da known he'd be my favorite Putin. 336 00:14:42,719 --> 00:14:44,346 Ah! 337 00:14:44,346 --> 00:14:46,390 The White Army. 338 00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:48,142 It's about time. 339 00:14:48,142 --> 00:14:50,310 You've come to escort us to the Winter Palace? 340 00:14:51,228 --> 00:14:53,021 Eeeee! 341 00:14:53,021 --> 00:14:55,649 Just, like, really load it up. 342 00:14:55,649 --> 00:14:58,360 Go all along the natural... 343 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,239 Guys! Can you please stop shooting out there? 344 00:15:02,239 --> 00:15:05,909 We're shooting in here.- 345 00:15:05,909 --> 00:15:07,536 Oh, my God, you guys! 346 00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:09,705 You know what, one second. 347 00:15:09,705 --> 00:15:11,165 Oh, my God. 348 00:15:11,165 --> 00:15:14,168 Okay, you guys, I'm like literally dead right now 349 00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:16,587 because my whole family is literally dead right now. 350 00:15:16,587 --> 00:15:18,505 I feel like I have to go into hiding. 351 00:15:18,505 --> 00:15:21,175 So, um... Watch this space and follow along with my journey. 352 00:15:21,175 --> 00:15:22,176 Hashtag Last Romanov. 353 00:15:22,176 --> 00:15:24,636 But most importantly, before I go, please do not forget 354 00:15:24,636 --> 00:15:27,806 to use my code "Anastasia" for 10% off your next Putzmates order, 355 00:15:27,806 --> 00:15:29,767 you guys, okay? It's really important. Okay, I love you. 356 00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:31,477 War and Peace, bye! 357 00:15:34,938 --> 00:15:37,941 The Discovery of Fire. 358 00:16:26,824 --> 00:16:28,200 Stephanie! 359 00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:02,651 Wait, now that I'm looking at that painting, 360 00:17:02,651 --> 00:17:04,319 I, like, really get it. 361 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:06,196 Wait, can I just say something? 362 00:17:06,196 --> 00:17:08,532 It is so funny they call us cave people. 363 00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:10,951 - I've never been in a cave. - Oh, me neither! Yeah, same! 364 00:17:10,951 --> 00:17:13,036 I don't even know where there is one! 365 00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:16,165 Hey, do you guys ever feel like... like your life is a movie? 366 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,041 More like a TV show. 367 00:17:18,041 --> 00:17:19,877 Oh, yeah. 368 00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:21,545 Look, there's a whole crew right there. 369 00:17:21,545 --> 00:17:23,088 You can see it in the reflection of my glasses. 370 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,679 William Shakespeare. 371 00:17:32,598 --> 00:17:35,142 It's just dirty, murky trough water with a little bit of lemon. 372 00:17:35,142 --> 00:17:37,686 And then I don't eat till... my first meal is lunch. 373 00:17:39,146 --> 00:17:40,898 Hey, uh, is this the writer's room for Shakespeare? 374 00:17:40,898 --> 00:17:42,357 Uh, yeah. You the new guy? 375 00:17:42,357 --> 00:17:43,984 Yes, I am. 376 00:17:43,984 --> 00:17:46,278 I'm a man, as evidenced by my low voice. 377 00:17:47,529 --> 00:17:50,115 Sorry I'm late. Sorry I'm late, everyone. 378 00:17:50,115 --> 00:17:51,158 Nanny called in sick. 379 00:17:51,158 --> 00:17:52,826 She's got the plague. 380 00:17:52,826 --> 00:17:56,705 So, read the latest draft of Hamlet. 381 00:17:56,705 --> 00:17:59,333 Some good stuff, some good stuff. 382 00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:01,627 Does Shakespeare like it? 383 00:18:01,627 --> 00:18:03,045 Yeah... 384 00:18:03,045 --> 00:18:05,297 Is Shakespeare in love? 385 00:18:05,297 --> 00:18:06,590 No. No, not yet. 386 00:18:06,590 --> 00:18:07,841 Keep pushing. 387 00:18:08,842 --> 00:18:11,720 Yes... Oh, hello. Who are you? Have we met? 388 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,890 Oh, um, I'm a writer from the Oxford Lampoon. 389 00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:15,933 I'm a man. 390 00:18:17,559 --> 00:18:18,602 My penis itches. 391 00:18:18,602 --> 00:18:20,687 Mm. I was skeptical until he said that. 392 00:18:20,687 --> 00:18:23,774 Okay, so here's what I'd like to do. 393 00:18:23,774 --> 00:18:26,151 I would like to gray sky for a bit. 394 00:18:26,151 --> 00:18:28,529 Just throw some ideas around. 395 00:18:28,529 --> 00:18:31,490 See what sticks. No judgments. 396 00:18:31,490 --> 00:18:33,492 Francis Bacon, take us on our journey. 397 00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:35,828 Oh. Okay. Uh, it's pretty crazy, 398 00:18:35,828 --> 00:18:37,913 but, um, what if we do a play, 399 00:18:37,913 --> 00:18:41,500 okay, but it's got music and singing? 400 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,795 So what you're suggesting, if I'm hearing it right, 401 00:18:44,795 --> 00:18:46,880 is that people stop, 402 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,341 in the middle of a show, and start singing 403 00:18:49,341 --> 00:18:50,801 something to the equivalent of... 404 00:18:51,343 --> 00:18:53,595 ♪ I'm so sad ♪ 405 00:18:53,595 --> 00:18:57,683 ♪ Because my uncle killed my dad ♪ 406 00:18:57,683 --> 00:18:58,934 ♪ Hamlet! ♪ 407 00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,144 That's fucking awful. 408 00:19:00,144 --> 00:19:01,770 Okay, anyone else have a pitch? 409 00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:04,523 Maybe a good idea, perchance? 410 00:19:04,523 --> 00:19:07,317 What about an interracial love story? 411 00:19:07,317 --> 00:19:09,236 An English lady and a Black guy, 412 00:19:09,236 --> 00:19:11,113 but it's not about race, 413 00:19:11,113 --> 00:19:14,408 and we called it, uh, I don't know, Othello. 414 00:19:14,408 --> 00:19:16,201 Oh, let me start off by saying this. 415 00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:18,078 I am an ally, 416 00:19:18,078 --> 00:19:19,955 but I don't think it's my story to tell. 417 00:19:19,955 --> 00:19:23,292 So, if you wanna develop it, I would absolutely support that, 418 00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,668 but just remember, 419 00:19:24,668 --> 00:19:27,629 it was conceived in this room, 420 00:19:27,629 --> 00:19:30,424 was it not? Yes, t'was. 421 00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:32,468 So, technically, I own it. It's a Shakespeare! 422 00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:33,886 This motherfucker. 423 00:19:33,886 --> 00:19:35,804 - Anything else? - Um, 424 00:19:35,804 --> 00:19:38,390 I have a love story. It's about two white people. 425 00:19:38,390 --> 00:19:39,683 See? Now, that's relatable. 426 00:19:39,683 --> 00:19:41,226 So, they're star-crossed lovers, 427 00:19:41,226 --> 00:19:43,687 and they're in a small town, like Verona. 428 00:19:43,687 --> 00:19:46,023 Ooh, Italy is hot right now. 429 00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:49,026 And their houses hate each other, but they fall in love anyway. 430 00:19:49,026 --> 00:19:51,236 And then they die tragically in the end. 431 00:19:52,446 --> 00:19:54,615 Okay, that's not quite working for me yet, 432 00:19:54,615 --> 00:19:58,869 but let me just spitball on it for a second. 433 00:19:58,869 --> 00:20:00,037 Okay... 434 00:20:00,037 --> 00:20:03,874 What if they're ill-fated paramours 435 00:20:04,792 --> 00:20:08,253 from two different families... 436 00:20:08,253 --> 00:20:11,215 and they come from, I want to say... 437 00:20:12,174 --> 00:20:13,967 Verona, maybe? 438 00:20:13,967 --> 00:20:15,219 Right? 439 00:20:15,219 --> 00:20:19,056 And they die in a sad way. 440 00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:20,182 And we shall call it 441 00:20:20,724 --> 00:20:23,227 Friends with Benefits. 442 00:20:23,227 --> 00:20:24,937 - I love that. - Thank you. 443 00:20:24,937 --> 00:20:26,563 - Dynamite idea, boss. - Thank you. 444 00:20:26,563 --> 00:20:29,775 - But, isn't that what I just pitched? - No. You pitched me a lump of coal, 445 00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:31,652 and I, out of the kindness of my heart, 446 00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:33,695 took it and made it into a diamond. 447 00:20:34,113 --> 00:20:36,406 Okay, what you actually did was, 448 00:20:36,406 --> 00:20:39,243 I said an idea, then you repeated it as if it was your own idea... 449 00:20:45,499 --> 00:20:48,377 You don't understand! 450 00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:50,045 The pressure I'm under! 451 00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:52,673 I have to produce! 452 00:20:52,673 --> 00:20:56,802 I have to make sure the costumes are hot! And heavy! 453 00:20:56,802 --> 00:20:59,888 I have to cast men 454 00:20:59,888 --> 00:21:03,100 that look like pretty little women! 455 00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:05,102 Ooh, little women. That could be something. 456 00:21:05,102 --> 00:21:08,063 That could be something awful! 457 00:21:12,568 --> 00:21:14,611 You know what? I'm sorry. 458 00:21:14,611 --> 00:21:15,946 I'm just... 459 00:21:15,946 --> 00:21:17,948 I'm rife with hunger. 460 00:21:17,948 --> 00:21:19,533 What are we doing for lunch? 461 00:21:19,533 --> 00:21:21,201 Uh... we ordered Chipotle. 462 00:21:21,201 --> 00:21:23,036 Goddammit. 463 00:21:24,705 --> 00:21:26,331 Alas, poor Yorick! 464 00:21:26,331 --> 00:21:28,167 It's fine. I-I barely knew him anyway. 465 00:21:33,046 --> 00:21:34,548 Rasputin. 466 00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:38,552 The mystical Russian priest 467 00:21:38,552 --> 00:21:42,598 who had a powerful mental hold on the Romanov family. 468 00:21:42,598 --> 00:21:45,017 This didn't sit well with some of the nobles, 469 00:21:45,017 --> 00:21:47,728 so they decided to kill him. 470 00:21:47,728 --> 00:21:50,397 Which, by the way, wasn't so easy. 471 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:56,153 I'm Rasputin, and this is getting stabbed in the back 472 00:21:56,153 --> 00:21:58,071 and thrown in the River Neva. 473 00:21:59,573 --> 00:22:03,118 Oh! Ow! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 474 00:22:05,370 --> 00:22:06,622 Throw him in! 475 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,302 The Russian Revolution. 476 00:22:22,554 --> 00:22:24,098 Now, back in the shtetl... 477 00:22:24,098 --> 00:22:27,017 Isn't it great? Those Romanov pigs are dead! 478 00:22:27,017 --> 00:22:28,977 The proletariat rules Russia. 479 00:22:28,977 --> 00:22:32,481 We must go to Moscow and join the revolution! 480 00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:34,858 My beautiful, absolutely faithful wife, 481 00:22:34,858 --> 00:22:37,069 have you lost your mind? 482 00:22:37,069 --> 00:22:39,655 How could we leave all of this behind? 483 00:22:39,655 --> 00:22:42,366 Nice. Dad just rhymed. Here comes another song. 484 00:22:42,366 --> 00:22:45,702 ♪ We'll pack our bag and move off to the city ♪ 485 00:22:45,702 --> 00:22:48,872 ♪ Where a dream life in the ghetto waits for you ♪ 486 00:22:48,872 --> 00:22:50,916 ♪ Let the goyim have this rural life so shitty ♪ 487 00:22:50,916 --> 00:22:52,251 What? 488 00:22:52,251 --> 00:22:54,044 ♪ This shtetl stinks, it's no place ♪ 489 00:22:54,044 --> 00:22:55,337 ♪ For a Jew ♪ 490 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,467 ♪ I rather like the easy lifestyle of the shtetl ♪ 491 00:23:00,467 --> 00:23:03,762 ♪ Where every murderous Cossack knows your name ♪ 492 00:23:03,762 --> 00:23:05,264 ♪ Why seek out that thing fear? ♪ 493 00:23:05,264 --> 00:23:07,391 ♪ We've got plenty of it here ♪ 494 00:23:07,391 --> 00:23:09,351 ♪ My dear, the city's no place for a Jew ♪ 495 00:23:09,351 --> 00:23:12,146 - There's no place for you. - Well, that could be. 496 00:23:12,146 --> 00:23:15,023 ♪ Schmuck, you're a schmendrik, you're a putz ♪ 497 00:23:15,023 --> 00:23:18,527 ♪ You've got more mud than brains or guts ♪ 498 00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:22,114 ♪ Better a living shtetl schmendrik ♪ 499 00:23:22,114 --> 00:23:24,741 ♪ Than a dead big city Bolshevik ♪ 500 00:23:24,741 --> 00:23:26,201 Bullshit! 501 00:23:26,201 --> 00:23:28,203 - Fanny, language! - Sorry. 502 00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:33,917 ♪ See, this is what I'm saying ♪ 503 00:23:33,917 --> 00:23:35,377 ♪ This Cossack wants us dead ♪ 504 00:23:35,377 --> 00:23:37,629 ♪ This Cossack has a name, his name is Fred ♪ 505 00:23:37,629 --> 00:23:39,089 - Hi, Fred. - Hi. 506 00:23:39,089 --> 00:23:41,717 ♪ I've known this anti-Semite for most of my whole life ♪ 507 00:23:41,717 --> 00:23:43,260 ♪ He's the one who stabbed your father! ♪ 508 00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:44,887 ♪ I stabbed him with my knife ♪ 509 00:23:44,887 --> 00:23:46,638 ♪ Stabbed him with his knife ♪ 510 00:23:47,890 --> 00:23:49,308 ♪ This Cossack's not a killer ♪ 511 00:23:49,308 --> 00:23:50,976 ♪ Just peckish, the poor goy ♪ 512 00:23:50,976 --> 00:23:53,604 ♪ Keep your hands off me, you filthy stinking Jew ♪ 513 00:23:53,604 --> 00:23:55,147 See? 514 00:23:55,147 --> 00:23:57,524 ♪ But I've got just the ticket, the delicious Mudman pie ♪ 515 00:23:57,524 --> 00:24:01,737 ♪ A little nosh to brighten up your genocidal mood ♪ 516 00:24:08,994 --> 00:24:10,412 Oh, uh, charades! 517 00:24:10,412 --> 00:24:12,706 He wants to do charades! Okay. 518 00:24:12,706 --> 00:24:15,125 Okay. 519 00:24:15,125 --> 00:24:17,294 First word. 520 00:24:17,294 --> 00:24:19,630 - I! - I! Joshy, you're so smart! 521 00:24:19,630 --> 00:24:21,882 - And don't get me started on that body. - Good. 522 00:24:21,882 --> 00:24:22,925 Second word. 523 00:24:22,925 --> 00:24:24,009 Uh... Oh! 524 00:24:24,009 --> 00:24:27,596 - Kill! Kill! Kill, kill, kill. - Good job, Joshy. 525 00:24:27,596 --> 00:24:30,015 Uh, third word. Uh... 526 00:24:30,015 --> 00:24:31,642 Oh. A sheep? 527 00:24:31,642 --> 00:24:33,185 Yes, oh! But, a female sheep. 528 00:24:34,436 --> 00:24:36,230 - Yes... A ewe! - Ewe? 529 00:24:36,230 --> 00:24:38,232 "I kill you!" 530 00:24:38,232 --> 00:24:39,399 Fourth word. 531 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,943 - Shoe. - Shoe? 532 00:24:40,943 --> 00:24:42,319 "I kill you shoes." 533 00:24:42,319 --> 00:24:43,737 - He hates shoes! - I kill you, shoes. 534 00:24:43,737 --> 00:24:44,905 Oh, oh, oh! 535 00:24:44,905 --> 00:24:46,698 "I kill you, Jews!" 536 00:24:46,698 --> 00:24:48,117 - There it is. - I told you, see? 537 00:24:48,117 --> 00:24:50,786 Yeah, you were right, okay. 538 00:24:50,786 --> 00:24:52,162 And... 539 00:24:54,623 --> 00:24:56,834 All right. 540 00:24:58,293 --> 00:24:59,670 Oh. 541 00:25:01,046 --> 00:25:03,340 Well, let's pack our one bag. 542 00:25:03,340 --> 00:25:06,218 ♪ The city is the right place ♪ 543 00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:10,180 ♪ For these Jews! ♪ 544 00:25:14,059 --> 00:25:16,895 But honestly, we should get going if we wanna beat traffic. Let's go. 545 00:25:16,895 --> 00:25:19,148 I'm so happy. 546 00:25:23,235 --> 00:25:25,904 Hitler on Ice! 547 00:25:25,904 --> 00:25:28,157 Hey, didn't I say no repeats? 548 00:25:30,033 --> 00:25:32,119 And Adolf Hitler, 549 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,955 not giving the performance he had hoped for tonight. 550 00:25:34,955 --> 00:25:38,083 Mm. The master race isn't lookin' so masterful. 551 00:25:38,083 --> 00:25:39,835 Very hard to perform at a high level 552 00:25:39,835 --> 00:25:42,463 when you are losing a two-front war. 553 00:25:42,463 --> 00:25:45,048 - Oh! Wow... - Oh, no... 554 00:25:45,048 --> 00:25:47,426 You know, it really hurts when you fall on the ice like that. 555 00:25:47,426 --> 00:25:49,219 - Absolutely, Trish. - It does. 556 00:25:49,219 --> 00:25:51,096 And that's gonna wrap it up for Adolf Hitler. 557 00:25:51,096 --> 00:25:53,474 Let's go to the floor and see some scores. 558 00:25:53,474 --> 00:25:56,226 And we're gonna follow him into the kiss and cry booth. 559 00:25:56,226 --> 00:25:58,020 And here he is with his longtime coach, 560 00:25:58,020 --> 00:26:00,397 Joseph Goebbels, and his new bride, Eva Braun, 561 00:26:00,397 --> 00:26:02,785 and they are throwing things at him in the audience. 562 00:26:02,786 --> 00:26:04,030 They are throwing dead flowers. 563 00:26:04,031 --> 00:26:05,694 And he's waiting for the scores. Here they are. 564 00:26:06,820 --> 00:26:09,323 Wow. Wow! Wow. Wow. 565 00:26:09,323 --> 00:26:12,785 As expected, it's a festival of zeros... 566 00:26:12,785 --> 00:26:15,454 except for the French who gave him a 10, 567 00:26:15,454 --> 00:26:18,290 - those Vichy cowards. - Wow. 568 00:26:18,290 --> 00:26:20,751 He got a straight-up "fuck you" from Poland. 569 00:26:20,751 --> 00:26:22,669 I've said it before, I'll say it again, 570 00:26:22,669 --> 00:26:25,380 if you put concentration camps in people's countries, 571 00:26:25,380 --> 00:26:27,549 you better be flawless on the ice. 572 00:26:27,549 --> 00:26:30,010 - Look at how hysterical he is. - Wow. 573 00:26:30,010 --> 00:26:31,887 See? This is what happens when men are in charge. 574 00:26:31,887 --> 00:26:33,347 I don't know about you guys. 575 00:26:33,347 --> 00:26:35,390 I think this is gonna turn into one of those Hitler memes. 576 00:26:35,390 --> 00:26:36,683 - Have you guys seen those? - Mm-hmm. 577 00:26:36,683 --> 00:26:38,769 - And, oh. - I see a Luger. 578 00:26:38,769 --> 00:26:40,896 - I see a Luger. Wow. - There's the Luger. 579 00:26:40,896 --> 00:26:44,316 Uh-oh, looks like he's heading back to the bunker with Eva Braun 580 00:26:44,316 --> 00:26:47,861 to blow his psychopathic brains right out of his shit head. 581 00:26:47,861 --> 00:26:51,448 Yeah, I have to imagine that this is his last competition, 582 00:26:51,448 --> 00:26:53,784 and I, for one, am glad about it. 583 00:26:53,784 --> 00:26:55,536 He's a thug and bad for the sport. 584 00:26:55,536 --> 00:26:56,954 And humanity. 585 00:26:56,954 --> 00:26:58,622 The greasy-head motherfucker. 586 00:26:58,622 --> 00:27:01,542 Ho-ho! We're gonna get some letters about that one, 587 00:27:01,542 --> 00:27:03,502 but hashtag "I stand with Trish." 588 00:27:03,502 --> 00:27:05,170 Hashtag "me too." 589 00:27:05,170 --> 00:27:06,296 I don't know about that one. 590 00:27:06,296 --> 00:27:07,714 Absolutely! 591 00:27:07,714 --> 00:27:09,842 And coming up next, we've got men's downhill 592 00:27:09,842 --> 00:27:11,552 with Benito Mussolini. 593 00:27:11,552 --> 00:27:13,345 He can make the trains run on time, 594 00:27:13,345 --> 00:27:16,598 but can he beat his own time on the slopes? 595 00:27:16,598 --> 00:27:19,601 Let's hope he falls down and breaks both of his fuckin' legs. 596 00:27:21,603 --> 00:27:26,603 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 43838

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