All language subtitles for Die.Geschichte.Der.Menschheit.Leicht.Gekurzt.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

(Announcement in English)

Two minus ten.

Nine, eight, seven...

six, five, four...

three, two, one...

Here is the German Television
with the Tagesschau.

(festive brass music)

In the USA today began

one of the most ambitious projects
of space exploration.

The "Voyager" space probe
launched space probe "Voyager

is to explore the boundaries
of our planetary system.

(Speaker) On board, various cameras,
sensors and the Golden Record,

with Einstein's theories, among others,
Music by Chuck Berry

and greetings in 60 languages.

Sdrawstwujte.

- Bonjour tout le monde.
- Shalom.

I am a Berliner.

- I have a dream...
- Sidebacher...

Hello from the children
of planet earth.

(Speaker) Also recordings
about the history of mankind,

in case the probe
encounters aliens.

The space probe "Voyager Il" discovered
during its flyby of Uranus

apparently another ring
around the planet.

(narrator) "Voyager Il" travels to the
to the far side of Uranus...

Images of the planet Neptune

the "Voyager Il" radioed
to the ground station in California...

In 1977 the probe was launched.

In three years
it will leave the solar system...

Evidence of extraterrestrial life
do not exist.

(impressive orchestral music)

(monotone beep)

(somber music)

(smacking hiss)

Oh, here we go. Okay.

Steve, are you running?

Okay.

Good day. Greetings.

My name is Doctor Gerhard Friedle,

and I work for the American
space agency NASA

on the planet earth.

If you see me, you have
not only at least one eye,

but are a highly developed
alien species,

that our "Voyager Il" found.

I, Dr. Gerhard Friedle,

has the important
historical task,

you the history
of our home planet... Earth

and our species, humanity,
briefly.

So that when we,
when we see each other in a few eons,

mutually the...

Tentacles, hooves, fins...

Depending on what has grown.
Without wanting to offend you.

Something like that can quickly look
look incredibly ugly.

I'm just kidding.

(he laughs maliciously)

But let's best start at the beginning.

Because my species was not always
so highly intelligent and beautiful

like the specimen,
that is speaking to you right now.

No.

Life on Earth began
about 3.8 billion years ago

at first rather primitive
as a single celled organism

at the hot
volcanic deep sea vents

of our oceans.

(bubbling)

(bass-heavy techno music)

(quiet murmur of voices)

Hey, what is such a sweete
single-celled organism doing here all alone?

- Whoa, no, please don't.
- What's up?

Want to duplicate?
Do you know how?

Thank you,
but I can handle that on my own.

Laber, I know.

But we could become more complex
if we combine our genetic material.

That would help with you.

Huh? Ah, funny.

Okay...

Come on, duplicating only alone,
is lame and makes you stupid.

The Assis there
have been doing this for millions of years.

Hello!

- Duplicate!
- Duplicate.

Oh... Okay.

I mean,
we can give it a try.

Yes, nice! Then...

Let's go, baby! Yeah!

Oha.

- Is this coming off or what?
- Whoa! Ew!

Really fresh. Works for us, doesn't it?

What's going on here, please?

Woah, çüs! We mutate.

- Mu... What?
- Well, what I've been babbling about.

Nature lifts us
to the next stage of evolution.

- It's cool.
- Isn't it cool?

What if we evolved over millions of years to become
to highly complex beings,

who put themselves at the top
of the food chain,

suppress other life forms

and exploit the resources of the planet
exploit,

until the earth is even more desolate?

Huh?

Oh, fuck.

Honestly,
that would be highly unlikely,

that this is exactly what happens, right?

(Dr. Friedle)
Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened.

Even ice ages,
Meteorite impacts

and slightly increased particulate matter
did not prevent

that the mammals
are spreading on the earth.

First and foremost, the people,

that spread like weeds
spread across the planet.

In the end there remained
two competing species remained.

Homo Neanderthalensis,

the Neanderthal man...

- Caution.
- ...and Homo Sapiens.

But only one species
should prevail.

(quietly) Careful.

What a silly flat forehead.

Yes, and the jaw does not
protrude so. I already have to laugh.

Greetings.

We are a people from the north,

in search of warmer areas,
to settle down.

Why is it allowed to speak?

Women and men
have the same value.

Why not?

Yes, exactly. Why not?

May I suggest something?

Why do our groups
not live together peacefully?

That females and males
are the same is a good idea after all.

- (murmur)
- Oh my goodness.

Um,
'sorry for the incident.

Living together
is out of the question.

Why?

It would be an advantage for you
if we mix.

- I don't understand.
- Yes, I think you do. That's exactly why.

I see you are still using
extremely primitive tools.

You are not settled.

And you do not bury
your excrement either.

- What's wrong with it?
- That transmits diseases.

Says who?

97 percent of all shamans
agree on this.

Yes, but we know a shaman,
who says that all this is nonsense.

That's right, your shamans are screwing with us.

- Exactly.
- But not with us!

- They are lying shamans!
- Lying Shamans!

Lying Shamans! Lying Shamans!

Lying Shamans!

Listen up, please!

In the name of reason,

let us together
form a society,

which are based on prudence, reason, logic

and the laws of nature
oriented.

So that we can continue to develop

and become an intelligent,
but peaceful species.

A society in which men
and women are equal,

in which no one is discriminated against,

and which lives in harmony with nature
and our planet.

And?

A people must die.

We decide like this,

how we always decide.

We play round stone,
pointed stone, flat stone.

- Um...
- Wait a minute.

You may begin,
you are the male.

You have the right of first.

- There you go.
- Like this.

Mm.

Hm, hm, hm.

- (murmur)
- So close.

- This is madness.
- We have won.

We offer once again
to live together peacefully.

Nah, lost is lost.
So, people, to the clubs.

The best way is for everyone
his neighbor dead.

Have a nice day.

(quake)

(startled murmur)

Uiuiui.

Or so it goes.

Guys, we're moving on.

(powerful drum music)

But that with the excrement bury,
that sounded reasonable.

(Dr. Friedle) Thus survived
unfortunately the dumber one,

more aggressive variant
of our ancestors

and began its triumphant
to the top of the food chain.

But even the stupid Homo Sapiens
eventually settled down.

He learned how to cook food

and invented tools,
such as the hammer,

the plow

and of course the wheel.

- The...
- (laughter)

Oh, that was...
That was just a Halloween costume.

That didn't go over well...
Steve, this has a repercussion.

- (Grumbling)
- Where was I? Um... Ah, yes.

People invented
other useful things.

For example, weapons,
Wars and borders.

One of the most impressive borders,
built on the Asian continent,

is the at least with us
very well known and popular

Great Wall of China.

To build this monumental structure
to be erected,

the most skilled craftsmen
from all over the world were called together.

Both of them.

(Lick my dam.
Det war mal ein Ritt, du.

A lot of territory here, eh, Horst?

- Do you tip the guys?
- No, that's rude.

Yes, I think so too.

Ah, there's the welcome squad.

Meal.

Konopke company from Berlin.
This is my colleague Jürgen.

- Nihaa-chen!
- One thing right away: Journey costs extra.

First of all, welcome
to the Middle Kingdom.

- Speaking of the center... Isn't it noon?
- That's what you say.

- What's up, master?
- Well...

The emperor has a vision.

That comes
from the old incense sticks.

Or from the glutamate in the food, eh?

- But get well soon.
- Yes.

Emperor Qin Shi Huang Di
wishes a wall

at the border of his empire.

A wall?

Here, in the middle of China?

So I'm out.

Because the land belongs to Mr. Ching
and the one over there belongs to Mr. Chong?

They're buffed with the muffe.
Horst, take off.

What do you want here
with a wall?

In Berlin I can imagine
a wall,

but why would anyone intend to
to build a wall here?

You don't knock a foundation
in the permafrost shit.

Was det in the fortune cookie today?

You're digging yourself a monkey.

No, we can cut that short right away,
the whole thing.

That's a crazy idea.
Not interested.

This refusal
will greatly grieve the emperor.

- Yes. We can live with that.
- Unfortunately no.

Now that you know
know the imperial secret,

I have to bury you alive.

Yeah, well, um...

Bad look
such a wall does not have to look bad here.

There's something to it, Horst.
I agree.

Just in front of the green here...

and so stones.

Everything beautifully shot down, the Eumel.
It's a dream.

The emperor wishes that one
the wall from the moon.

- Yes, we would have done that anyway.
- It's standard procedure for us.

Thank you, Master Konopke.

Can you finish the construction project
finished by the year of the dragon?

Whew...

- What do we have now?
- Um...

Rat, Buffalo, Tiger, Rabbit,
snake... Pig, I think.

Ah, det is a tight panty,
but I say,

The Konopke company leaves no one hanging.

Good. Send a messenger
when you are ready.

Do wa.

Can he bring twice the 87
with peanut sauce?

Ick make only flax.

(soft smacking)

Fuck the wall, Horst.
That was a hard piece of work.

But hello.

Only the caftan farters in
the caftan farts in Babylon,

which we should hang
should hang up.

Clientele.

Zahlemann and Sons.

Long time no see.

Still recognized.

I bring you greetings from the Emperor.

- Back.
- Customer is king or emperor, wa?

But where... Where is the wall?

The cart is in front of it.
Help him. He wants to see the wall.

Shall.

On three. Three!

Once Chinese Wall...

So.

There it is, the gem.

I would have been surprised
if it had escaped.

- But...
- Ah!

Master Lee is speechless at the
architectural masterpiece.

- Not without reason, Horst.
- Architectural masterpiece?

The emperor wants a wall,
that can be seen from the moon.

Oh... I see.

The wall from the moon.

We missed the point by a hair's breadth
we talked right past each other.

We built them so that you can see
the moon from the wall.

And it works like a charm.

There. Kieck.

- Moon. Works perfectly.
- Yes.

It should be 15 meters high
and 2,000 kilometers long!

Ah.

Another misunderstanding.

Possibly
because of the language difficulties.

- You don't speak Berlinish.
- We like to have that.

Det comes out when customer wishes
are not clearly formulated.

Greetings to your Emperor,

but this was the last order
of the company Konopke for you.

However.

All right, suggestion for kindness.

We can on a goodwill basis
gladly put a row on it.

- Or two!
- Yes, well, don't exaggerate, Jürgen.

Det must also still pay off.

(Dr. Friedle) Was one in China
in the next centuries

with the building of walls and the dismantling of
of human rights,

so in Europe
a completely different trend was born,

the philosophy.

Quite rightly
the Greek philosophers

than the rock stars of their time.

(Moderator) Dear Greeks.

Welcome to
to "Monsters of Philo"!

Here, in the old Bifteki in Athens.

Welcome with me the three freshest
philosophers of the country:

Here are Aristotle, Plato

and Socrates!

(Screeching and cheering)

(rhythmic drumming)

Are you up for some rhetoric?

And do you want to learn the lexical semantics
of the most influential sophists?

- Undress!
- Do you have the desire for...

(all) philosophy?

You are the horniest!

Okay, friends.

Today we have for you
new systems theory approaches,

which go off really blatant.

Are you with us?

(Cheers)

Let's go!

(drum solo fades away)

- (murmur)
- Shh.

The whole is more
than the sum of its parts.

- Yes, yes!
- Exactly!

To know oneself,
is the first of all sciences.

(Mega!

He who knows nothing and does not know
that he knows nothing, is a fool.

- Avoid him.
- (Man) I will!

Plato, I celebrate you so extremely!

(Socrates) Who wants to move the world,

should first move itself.

If you want to build high towers,
must spend a long time at the foundation.

Socrates! Socrates!

Socrates.

Friends, that's it for today.
Come home well.

We will be in Pompeii next week for the
the "Dance on the Volcano" festival.

Do not let yourselves
not be enslaved by the Romans.

Yes! Fuck the Romans!

Encore!

- Another encore?
- Absolutely not.

Encore! Encore!

Encore! Encore!

- Uh...
- Huh?

That's not it already, is it?

They have
played less than ten minutes.

It was the same in Sparta.
It's always eight minutes.

- A quarter drachma for that?
- No matter. It was still mega cool.

That's right, mega cool!

You, you and... you.

Fancy some fun backstage?

- (they screech)
- Comes with.

What about me?

Oh, sorry, sweetie.

Yes!

(Dr. Friedle) Even among the Greeks
not everything was democratic,

even if they have the crazy idea
of giving all power to the people.

In order not to let everyone dream
dream,

particularly clever representatives of Homo Sapiens
of Homo Sapiens invented something,

which secured them absolute power
and subjugated all others.

And with which they sold every
nonsense as truth.

(droll happy music)

Advertisement.

Come on, you lazy dogs!

(woman) We all know the problem.

Hello, I am Mentuhotep Il.

and I am Pharaoh
in the 9th dynasty.

Here, in ancient Egypt.

Until now, my ancestors were buried
buried in primitive cave tombs.

Surely you have been
also in this situation.

I am Rufus Ironfur
from the ancient tribe of the Celts

here in beautiful Gaul.

Crop failures due to the weather
have so far been difficult to explain.

This should also be
also sound familiar.

And I am Patros Papadopoulos.

I don't like to work that much,

nevertheless I have most of the time
I have a hell of an appetite.

And I like to live large.

Is there anything,
that solves all our problems?

Yes, there is.

Because now there is religion.

Get 10,000 slaves for your
Gods from 10,000 slaves

a fat pyramid
in the desert.

Tempo! Tempo!

Your key to immortality.

I am already in my mid-20s.

Make the gods
responsible for disasters

and appease them comfortably
with a virgin.

The pretty ones I keep
of course for myself.

(Cheers)

But religion can do much more.

By threat of divine punishment
everyone gives you the shirt off his back,

without any consideration.

Really great.

For me, absolutely the solution.

Where common sense ends, religion begins.
religion begins.

(Choir) Religion
For a better life

(Woman) Religion,
for a better life.

(Dr. Friedle) The invention of the
religion hit like a bomb.

A young carpenter's son
from faraway Palestine

saw the new tool
a welcome alternative

to hard physical work,
getting up early and all that nonsense.

All right, I'll try it another way.

Jesus of Nazareth, through...

yes, i'll say,
unusual circumstances

I find myself
in the ungrateful situation,

to accuse you of high treason
of high treason against the Roman people.

I therefore give you again

the obvious
and simple opportunity,

To recant your claim
to be the King of the Jews,

and to place you above the Roman
sovereignty in Palestine.

Can I now, in order to avoid greater and
especially unnecessary trouble to avoid,

count on your insight
and your common sense?

(epic female chorus)

What does he ask?

Whether he can count on my
can count on my common sense?

Well, I can only answer
only one answer.

Kiss my ass!

You stupid bastard, you!

Can you believe it?

I am almost 30 years old.

I'm not going to be sent around,

so that an illiterate
nonsense.

Don't touch me.
I do everything alone.

You behave
so clumsy and so stupid.

You should know
that I can be treated easily.

- I have tried.
- If you are careful.

Behold, I wash my hands....

(startled murmur)

He disturbed me.

Ouch!

You are hurting me.

(dramatic trombone music)

Delinquents...

The condemnation of the high council
accuses you of high treason.

You shall therefore
with soft silk scarves

be tied to the cross for so long,

until your wrists
twirl very hard,

so that you may repent of your sins.

However, in no case
longer than 20 minutes,

otherwise there is a risk of
of circulatory problems

and of sunstroke exists.

What do you say?

Did you hear that?
What an asshole. Tie him up!

With shitty silk scarves.

Nail me.

Come on, Judas, get the hammer
and the rusty nails.

- Huh? Are you out of your mind, sir?
- This is what you wanted them for?

That hurts beyond belief.

He's such a joker too, isn't he?

Mind your own business.

How can someone become a martyr
for the whole of Christendom,

when he is tied with fucking silk scarves
tied tightly?

Water? Thirsty? Cloth too tight?
Someone sunscreen?

No, thanks. All is well with me.

Judas, we do not have
all day. Hey, you there.

- John.
- I don't give a shit.

You make me
a crown from the thorns,

but take large and pointed.

The blood shall run down my face
run down my face in streams.

- I can't look there.
- Then get lost, idiot!

You have no function here anyway.

People should
shit in their pants,

when they see the symbol
of my selfless sacrifice.

Do you understand?

Yes...

(dramatic organ music)

Ow.

So, twirls quite a bit, huh?

Absolutely.

You can almost see pressure marks
on the joints.

I have definitely
definitely learned.

- Thanks again.
- Oh, you...

What? Pressure points?

Get the fuck out of here with your
Fucking pressure points, you pussy.

Judas and Thing, listen to me.

You leave me hanging,
until I pass out,

and drags me into the shithole..,
that I showed you.

And tell everyone that I died
I died on the cross for their sins.

Roll a stone in front of the cave,
but not too big, you cretins.

I am only the Son of God
and not Hercules.

- Should we really do this?
- Of course!

Of course you should, you idiots!

- He's out of his mind.
- But really.

I heard that.

Judas.

You traitor!

You...

Ass...

hole!

(Dr. Friedle) Written down
and transmitted to mankind

a slightly... embellished version.

But on the whole
his cunning plan worked.

With Jesus Christ the
religion of Christianity was born,

who could not deal with logic, reason
so nonsense could not do anything,

We talked about this earlier,

and in the next centuries
neatly the blender

into the toilet bowl
of history,

to put it
to put it somewhat casually.

Only a few peoples
from the far north

did not want to be
be missionized

and offered a colorful cocktail of
violence, destruction and barbarism,

when they invaded countries.

Most feared
was the famous Viking leader

Erik the Red.

(somber music)

Men.

Before we raid the village,
I wanted to talk to you.

Recently
there has been an increase in complaints.

Well, how do I say this?

Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more
complain that we are too...

are violent.

(laughter)

Don't get me wrong,
Violence is part of it.

If it's about stuffing a guy's
the balls in the mouth,

I do not immediately
the moral finger.

On the other hand, we no longer live
no longer in the 9th century.

- Nah, in the 10th.
- Exactly.

Times are changing.

Violence is great, no question,
but it must not become an end in itself.

- How do we do that?
- No idea.

Are we still allowed to
gouge out the eyes of the Scots?

Yes, but only,
if it absolutely has to be.

But already
with a red-hot iron bar.

So, this is now
a good example from Uwe.

Maybe that can be done
only with a knife.

Yeah, sure.

Anything goes, sure,
but also loses its appeal.

- It fizzes so nicely.
- Yes, I know.

Are we allowed to burn women in front of
in front of their husbands?

Borderline. Rather difficult.

Why?

- And men before women?
- Also difficult.

This burning
in front of family members,

that's exactly the kind of thing
I would like to cut back a bit.

Honestly?

But then you are not allowed
actually nothing more.

Speaking of women,
I'll go straight to the point,

it was also criticized
that our troops are too...

is male-heavy.

Therefore, from now on
20 percent women will be involved in the fire.

- (laughter)
- (Man) Madness is that.

- You can't be serious.
- That's enough.

But what should women
when they're out pirating?

They are not able to...

Thank you, Gudrun.

Conveniently
the ratio is almost right now.

Uh... Question.

What about quads?

Oh no, now you start too.

We have the same right to act
to act like brutal morons.

Guys, I ask a lot of you.
But it's often the packaging.

Example:

Cut off someone's ears,
ask if they want a drink.

Or wish you a nice day.

Small gestures make all the difference.

Sorry, but honestly,

superoften very little comes back
back from the people.

"Thank you for
only gouge out one eye",

you can wait a long time.

They always pull such a face.

I'm with you there, Tjure.
Both sides have to move.

Yes.

Okay, can we raid this shithole village
then we can raid it?

We will, Gudrun.
That's why we're here.

Valhalla!

Hey, hey! Hello!

Is it possible to do this more quietly?

Many have toddlers,
who sleep.

Think about it, people.

(whispers) So, Wal... hella.

(all whisper) Valhalla.

Super. Really good, guys.
Now comes.

(traditional nordic music)

Shh.

(whisper) Valhalla.

(Dr. Friedle)
Despite laudable exceptions

Europe was heading
Europe was heading for its socio-cultural nadir.

The people literally lived
in their excrement.

A condition that was only repeated later
repeated in Woodstock.

Often only praying helped.

O Lord, we thank you.

Thank you for
always subject us to tests,

through which we may prove our faith
may prove.

Thank you my father Johann

in the Holy War
was allowed to give his life for you

and my husband for seven years
not returned from his trip,

so that I may prove

that I can raise our twelve children
can also raise them alone.

Thank you that the little Timmi in
the arm was torn off in the mill

and we learned to appreciate the gift
of bodily integrity.

Thank you our eldest

accused of heresy,
was imprisoned and tortured,

and that way you enable her
to return to the right path.

Thank you for taking Mother's sight
to sharpen other senses.

Thank you for sparing
spared my husband Klaus,

who will hopefully soon return with riches
unharmed from his sea voyage....

Come to the port.
Störtebeker Klaus was caught.

Now they are executing him.

Of course.

(Dr. Friedle) Klaus Störtebeker,
first privateer of the German Hanseatic League,

then freelance pirate.

Ah, there he is.

However, he was arrested for
bogus self-employment

and for one or the other
cruel slaughter on the high seas.

(Klaus, you horny pig!

(man) Before us...

Klaus Störtebeker and his
and his companions,

to be finally judged for their
to be judged

and face their creator.

- I always wanted to meet him.
- I hope he can take it.

There, look!
They are still mocking their misdeeds.

So that the event
not become so dull. Entertainment.

- He could pardon us for that.
- He could.

You want entertainment?

Well, how about this?

I pardon each of your companions,

which you
after your beheading.

How does that sound for the strong
entertaining pirate?

Uh... after my decapitation?

But...

Won't I be dead as a doornail then?

Oops, that's right. How stupid of me.

What can we do there?
Ah, now I know.

If that's too difficult,

then you simply run past
before your decapitation.

Well? Would that please the fine
Mr. Störtebeker like it better?

Yeah, sure. That's better.

So, if that's not an inconvenience.

Of course we don't do that!

First you will be decapitated,

then we look,
how far the loudmouth gets.

- One moment. You just said it differently.
- Very clearly.

Before the beheading
he may walk past us, before that.

- You heard that too, right?
- Yes.

- That's right.
- (Mayor) Yes.

But that was meant ironically.

Yes, no, but that was
not to recognize.

Of course. That was clearly irony.

A very different emphasis,

completely exposed and exaggerated.

I did not perceive it that way.

Nah, me neither.

I don't give a damn.
Executioners, do your duty.

(depressing music)

Sorry, I have to agree with
Mr. Störtebeker right.

- I didn't hear any irony.
- Yes.

For God's sake, I said
in a completely exaggerated tone:

"Oh, if that's better,

then you simply walk past
before your beheading."

Yes, he did, he said it again.

To show you the difference
you idiots.

- That's a cheeky thing to say.
- Be careful with the way you express yourself.

Always remain polite.

There is a difference,
whether I say:

"Störtebeker may pass,
before he is beheaded."

Or whether I say, "Oops,

of course, he's allowed to walk by,
before he is decapitated."

- He even said it twice.
- He says it again and again.

Tell me, am I the last
in town with a brain?

You have to hear that,
that there is a difference.

No, there was nothing.

(Voices clamoring)

Yes, then I just run
past my men,

after I was decapitated.

I can't stand
the nitpicking anymore.

Klaus, are you stupid?

His smart-ass attitude is annoying.
"Ironic, not ironic."

What do I know?
I'm a pirate, right? And not a teacher.

There are eleven of you.
What kind of route is that?

And that with my heel spur.
No, come on. Come on.

I don't think it's right,
I have to be honest.

It's meant to be nice,
but I have to finish.

In the neck just a little bit, ne?

Cut the bullshit.

Think about the team!

Silence! Silence! Silence!

He made his decision.
Executioner, do it at last.

Was that meant seriously
or irony again?

Now strike at last.

Otherwise you will be next,
who lies there.

This is not meant ironically.

(Smacking, then yelling)

- Ew.
- Wuäh.

There, he stands up again.

Klaus! Come here.

This is the last chance.

Come to me. Klaus, here I am.

I am over here. Come to me.

(impressive music)

(Voices clamoring)

- (murmur)
- A bit awkward.

Good, that's settled.

Who is next?

Wait, I have a better idea.

You will all just be pardoned,

just like that.

- Yes!
- Yes!

(solemn brass music)

Long live the mayor!

Long live Klaus Störtebeker!

Ah, here we are again. Good work.

About a thousand years
lasted approximately the Middle Ages,

in which the whole world stagnated
tiny little bit stagnant.

But at some point
progress can no longer be stopped.

Would you like a small example?

On this cassette
fit almost 40 minutes of music on it.

Unbelievable. That would have been
been unimaginable a few years ago.

Or take nuclear energy.

Clean, safe, efficient.

In Fukushima, a state-of-the-art
a state-of-the-art reactor went online.

Those lucky bastards.

If everything goes well,
they'll soon be everywhere.

Also in our history
the future was unstoppable.

The European rulers sent
explorers across the oceans,

to conquer foreign lands.

First and foremost, the great navigator,
Christopher Columbus.

(Christoph)
Captain's log entry.

Even after three months at sea
no trace of the Indian continent.

I must deliver Queen Isabella
deliver successes soon.

I have the impression

that a lack of discipline is slowly
indiscipline is creeping into the team.

Still no land in sight.

Damn.

What is it?

(soft chuckle)

Not again, right?

Very funny.
Really, insanely funny.

Here, clean this up!

Land!

Land in sight!

Here you go, Capitán.

(suspenseful music)

Oh!

Indeed. Land!

That must be India.

So I was right.
Compadres, we...

(laughter)

A leather patch
in the form of a land mass.

Very funny, really.

I'm laughing my ass off.

This is the end, understand?

Or I'll have you keelhauled.

I promised to find India
by the western sea route.

That, and nothing else,
we will do.

- Is that clear?
- Sí, Capitán!

- Give me my compass.
- Here, Captain.

(soft chuckle)

(hoarse giggling)

(suppressed laughter)

(cackling laughter)

The letters are loose.

You have north and south reversed?

But then we sailed
sailed in the wrong direction.

Who made this?

Who was that, I asked.
I demand an answer.

That was me, mon Capitán.

- Should be fun.
- Fun?

This is no fun,
when we spend months...

Land in sight, Capitán!

Yes, of course.

Stupid Columbus
falls for it for the third time.

No! Really, Captain. Look!

- A welcoming command.
- There!

(suspenseful music)

Indeed.

A boat with locals.

Jesus.

Men, get everything ready.

- Let's welcome the Indians.
- Si, Capitán.

I knew it.

(bells ringing)

(lovely female choir)

- Oh!
- The queen.

Mi reina.

Queen Isabella. What...

Sorry, Columbus.

This was all my idea.

India.
(she snorts)

Ah, the template was just too good.

You are still
off the coast of Portugal.

We have been sailing
in circles.

But do not worry.

One has
found the western sea route

and even
discovered a new continent.

We call it America.

- Oh!
- America.

America.
(Applause)

(Isabella) Come on.
Don't be offended.

That was just
a harmless little joke.

- Columbus!
- Do not be afraid, mi reina.

The net with the rotten sardines
hangs in front of the railing.

(Christoph) Yuck! You pigs!

(laughter)

(Isabella) Rum for everyone!

(Cheers)

(Dr. Friedle) Yes, colonialism.

Not great for everyone.

Keywords:
Enslavement, genocide and such.

But at some point the ideas of
the ideas of the Enlightenment made their way.

Not grubby magazines under the covers,
but the Renaissance.

There was so much painting in Florence,

that soon there were regular
Renaissance flea markets existed.

Who is the ugly old fart
in the picture there?

Oh.

Quite vain.

Look, Mario, four arms and legs.

Well, master, there we have
but already seen twice, huh?

(Mario)
What kind of monster is that?

(meaningful music)

That, you philistine,
is true sculpture.

How finely it is worked,
and how great the marble feels.

This realism.

You are a true master...

Michelangelo, Contessa. Grazie.
This is my "David".

But he is
not particularly realistic.

Especially the proportions.

Don't you think?

It's a little big.

- Who is too big?
- What are you talking about?

- You think the statue is too big?
- No.

His... Well, the... His...

Well, its here...

The...

The Thing.

Well, his penis, for God's sake.

- His penis?
- Too big?

- Why too big?
- With respect, signore.

If I were to find fault with the statue
I would find fault with the statue,

would be the disproportionately
small penis.

(Mario laughs)
Disproportionately small.

Silvio? Giuseppe?

Yes, now that you mention it.

Michelangelo, it's already...
a little small.

Proprio piccolo.

Signore, I have chosen the size
chosen extra with care,

to prevent men,
who are not so well endowed,

feel inferior.

I think it's just right.

Don't let my fiancé
from my fiancé.

Uh... yes.
Yes, I see it the same way, of course.

This is a very small organ.

Pitifully small, even.

I only worry about
the prudish Florentine society.

But if you like it that way,
my dearest...

- Sorry. Can you glue it?
- No.

This statue was made of
finest Carrara marble.

- That is impossible.
- That was an accident. Here.

For your inconvenience.

So, we go on.
We go on!

Coming!

Damn nobleman, huh?

I am really sorry
for your David, Michelangelo.

Oh, what the heck.
I'll chop off the balls, too.

Maybe I can
from the stump another...

model tiny little penis.

Yes, and who knows, maybe
penises will be so small in the future,

that it already seems normal again.

Just kidding.

(Dr. Friedle) Art was an expression of the new
of the new self-confidence.

One suddenly wondered,
whether that was all right,

for half a spoonful of flour

14 hours
slaving away in a tannery,

while the nobility
were bored with cake fights.

In France, a revolution was
could no longer be stopped.

In the first place
thanks to the invention of one man,

Joseph Guillotin.

(soulful piano playing)

(sings) I haven't even been
At school

And Miezi was my favorite animal

Snip, snap

So I separated the tail

From her

Also inflate frogs

Spoon off the little rabbit

Under the millstone crunched

Many a cute animal

Early I recognized my talent

That God created, and then...

Became my hobby profession

And when the blade falls

The world pauses briefly

Then butterflies fly high

To the canopy

When steel rushes through necks

This is the most beautiful sound in the world

Worth more than sex and money

When the blade falls

Hats off!
We do well

What used to be difficult
Is now done by the machine

Hats off!
That goes off well

From now on you get here
Even at short notice appointments

This gives a souvenir for the showcase

And I finally get rich
Because I earn per capita

Whether red
Whether black or blonde

- Cheers...
- ...to my little guillotine

(man) Here comes the king!

I am the Louis X-V-I

And I sat fat on the throne

Now it goes splatter
With this revolution

A "the device" that wants
That you put body parts in it

All at once six kilos lighter
What 'n horny effect

With my own head
Play soccer for a change

That would be a gag

And this disgusting acne
Would then also finally gone

So if you need someone
Quasi as a research object...

Good idea! Take it.

What?
I wasn't serious.

Don't you understand, you idiots?

I am Louis XVI!

Yes, it is, but without the head.

And.

When the blade falls

The world pauses briefly

Then butterflies fly high

To the canopy

When steel rushes through necks

This is the most beautiful sound in the world

Look, a dick tent.

When the blade

falls!

The blade falls!

Merde.

(sings along bubbling)

(hisses grumbling)

(Dr. Friedle)
Oh, it's catchy, isn't it?

Thanks to the guillotine
the monarchy soon came to an end,

but not by a long shot
with the senseless slaughter in Europe.

No wonder,
that many were fed up

and emigrated to America.

If you already emigrate by ship,

why not do it right away
on the legendary Titanic?

Well, one reason could have been,

that the Titanic
sank on its maiden voyage.

And the culprit was
the captain himself.

Captain to bridge. Gentlemen.

Let me introduce you to Jessica,
who is starting her trial internship.

- Good evening, young lady.
- I have an excellent idea.

How about you take the wheel
take the wheel?

- From me.
- Great. Well then.

Sir, you're kidding, right?

Of course not.

The offspring have to learn it sometime.
Jessica?

Sir, at dark,

the world's largest ship,
under full load?

Oh, what.
You grow with your tasks.

But you would have to
already look at the sea.

Sorry, can not.
I broke a nail.

One nail broken off.

Well, that comes first, of course.

Sir, iceberg ahead. North-northwest.

Really? A polar bear?

Oh, the little ones are so cute.

Yes, that's it, a polar bear.

No, Mr. Johnson
means an iceberg, Jessica.

An iceberg.

(Jessica) I see. Boring.

(Captain) Indeed. An iceberg.

Oh, that's a humdinger.

Yes, that was to be
to be expected in the area.

- Sir, you should take the helm...
- No.

This is all done by our intern.

So, look.

So a good mile ahead seems to
actually be an iceberg.

Which we are heading straight for.

- Sir, I suggest...
- Shh!

What do you suggest?

Evasion?

Or do we push that one away?

Huh? It's getting bigger and bigger.

Exactly.
The iceberg is getting bigger and bigger.

Which isn't really true, sailor.

It just looks
like it's getting bigger,

because we are approaching the iceberg,

and he takes more and more
of the field of vision.

- Sir, I must insist...
- She has to learn this for herself.

Yeah, that sucks.
I am not stupid.

No, just ignore him.

If we don't change course,
we can't get out of the way.

Oh, dodge.

Right.

You say it before.
She should come up with it herself.

Yes, I would be too.

I know that. And I know
why you did this, Miller!

You are afraid
someone might have more talent.

- More talent?
- You are consumed by ambition!

- They do not tolerate anyone.
- How exactly to dodge?

A few things would have to be...

Hey! He grabbed me.

Get off the helm, Johnson!

- She has to learn!
- You're insane, Smith!

- (thunderous rumbling)
- Jesus.

(creaking rattle)

(squeak)

- Huh?
- (persistent ringing)

- Did I do that now?
- No.

The culprits are

our as incompetent
as jealous officers!

- Man, that's no fun anymore.
- I can understand that very well.

See?

You have spoiled Jessica's first day
spoiled Jessica's desire to work.

Because she steered the most expensive ship in the world
into an iceberg.

Yes, and?
Is that about to break, or what?

No, it isn't.

The Titanic is unsinkable.

Captain, water ingress in sections
one through four of the lower decks.

- The ship is unstoppable.
- We must evacuate immediately!

- And now we're all drowning?
- No.

Great internship.

We are not drowning.
We have our lifeboats.

You had still calculated,
how many we need, right?

Hm...

Johnson. Miller! Where are you going?

You are to practice knots with the Jessica
Practice knots.

(Dr. Friedle) There it goes,
the dream of emigrating to America.

It would not have been a bad idea,

because shortly thereafter
the First World War broke out,

which was so well received
that a second part came out later.

But we'll get to that.

The First World War was decided
was decided on the so-called Western Front,

where French and Germans
faced each other in trenches

and fought fiercely for victory.

(screams, crashes)

(loud shouting)

(dramatic music)

Damn! They do not let up.

- (vocals)
- What are they doing?

Scha-la-la-la

- They are all women.
- What?

(Shouts)

(wife) Elke is getting married!

Cease fire!

Cease fire! There are civilians!

Hey! Hey! Get out of here!

Go back!

They are insane.

(suspenseful music)

(women sing)

That's insane!

These are our women, Hans!
I have to try!

Ah, damn.

Gerhard.

(he groans)

(monumental music)

(Swabian) Finally.
Here come some crisp soldiers.

- Do not move!
- Ne bouge pas!

Whoa.

He's cute.

Qui êtes-vous? Que faites-vous
sur un champ de bataille?

Get out of here. Go, damn it!

You would like that.

Now the party
is just getting started.

Elke
lets herself be put in chains today.

(women cheer)

Hello. Bonjour.

But before that happens,

celebrate me once again grenade.

- Right, girls?
- Woohoo!

Elke! Elke! Elke!

Man, don't you get it?
We are between the fronts.

Au nom de Dieu, qui est-ce?

They're having
a bachelorette party.

Adieu de célibataire.

Moi.

Ici? Pendant une bataille?

Oh, you may continue fighting in a moment.

But before that you must
necessarily the Elke

a couple of little shits in pants
from buy.

(stammers) Scheißerle?

- Elles veux...
- Elles veulent!

Elles veulent... Exactly.

- Que nous ayons... Drink booze?
- Glug, glug.

Liqeur... Cognac!

- Ici? No!
- Yes.

Sont-ils complètement stupides?

And, Elke?
Did we promise too much?

They're awesome, don't you think?

Yes.

I really celebrate how cute they are.

- (they giggle)
- Sodele.

There are already
your pants shits.

Non, non.

- Oui!
- Wait a minute, Jack.

You have to pay
for the little shits.

I don't have any money with me.
And neither does he.

- Oh!
- No problem.

We know our cardboard secretaries.

Then you have to give Elke a kiss.

- (they screech)
- Give smack.

Give a smack! Give a smack!

(they cheer)

18 carat gold. Is that also possible?

- We'll let that stand.
- Oh, too bad.

So, now down
with the little shits.

- Non. Le travail.
- Drink! Drink!

Now drink, or they'll never leave.

- Buvez, s'il vous plaît!
- Drink! Drink!

(Women) Drink! Drink! Drink!

(they cheer)

Strong.

(ominous music)

Vous, maudites femmes!

(he chokes)

(he gasps)

Non!

- You poisoned him?
- You can leave one on that.

This is called modern warfare.

- We belong to PUFF.
- PUFF?

"Patriarchy infiltrating
Free women"

Balingen branch.

Don't waste any time.
Back to the trench, comrade.

On, sisters.
To the next usurper.

- Elke! Elke! Elke!
- Let's go!

What's up do hanne?

We go off do hanne!

(they cheer)

Fucking women.

(Dr. Friedle) Better can be

the senselessness of war
not make clear.

My father was luckier,
who was also on the Western Front,

but survived and later emigrated
emigrated to New York,

where he has worked with diligence
and will to survive

within a very short time to a
very successful pickpocket,

Hat player
and whoremonger worked up.

God rest his soul.

But if you are honest,

the land
of unlimited possibilities

was not always a safe place.

After the Great Depression in
1929, one thing above all was unlimited:

Namely the chance,

for a bottle of home distilled
$100 for a bottle of home distilled booze

or on the open street
to get a bullet in the head.

In Chicago, mob boss
Mafia boss Al Capone ruled like a king.

It took years for the man
with the famous flowery language

could finally be caught.

Ciao, Mario.

Ciao, bella!

Well? How are you?

- Do we know each other?
- Not me.

But maybe my boss.

I'm supposed to give you my best regards
and a message.

He does not like it
when he is deceived.

(ominous music)

(Screams)

Drive.

(he groans)

(mysterious music)

(soft trumpet playing)

(music becomes more intense)

Mario, Mario, Mario.

Look what you've done.

So much unnecessary bloodshed.

- Al, I swear, I...
- Ah, don't swear.

What's the saying?

When the farmer peels the donkey,
often bloom the most beautiful cod.

What... What do you mean?

Well, you better not
dive through naked cream,

when you have hardly any fur
on the back.

Barely fur, naked cream?

I don't understand.

We paid on time after all.

Oh yes, you did, Mario.

That's exactly what makes me wonder.

You know, in the month with "W"

the blue otter
is reluctant to be milked, very reluctant indeed.

Thick moth, quick toe.

Who is behind this, Mario. Huh?

I swear I don't know.

My experience tells me that once you
dances samba with the pitchfork,

who snores even without teeth.

Damn, I didn't do anything.

And I don't know
what you're talking about.

(shot)

(man) But I know
what he's talking about, Mario.

(mysterious music)

Eliot Ness.

What he's trying to say, Mario,
is this...

Even the tastiest racehorse
only goes on the road for so long,

until it stinks.

- Am I right?
- Quiet color, hot shoe.

Quiet color, hot shoe.

You say.

But you could also
also express it differently.

Who never with naked ass
has licked nuns in the moonlight,

rarely knits large cookies.

- Say that again.
- You heard me, Al.

Take him away.

You fucking pig.

You think you've won,
but remember this...

The deeper you stick the fish
up your nose,

the louder the owl farts
into the cake.

That remains to be seen.

You have the radish full of blackbirds!

At the end there are only albinos
in the wooden roller coaster.

Ness, I know,
where the tomatoes fly!

That was very brave of you, Mario.

Thank you very much.

Heavy cotton, round milk, Mr. Ness.

Heavy cotton, round milk.
That's exactly how it is.

(Dr. Friedle) Al Capone was right.
Mario had betrayed him.

But what is the saying?

There's no honey without a waltz.

The peak of violence
was not reached, however.

This came in 1939 with the outbreak
of the Second World War

and the seizure of power by the Nazis
under their leader Adolf Hitler.

Should you have the technique
of time travel,

you would have
you'd have a huge chip on your shoulder,

when you travel like this in August 1888
travel to Braunau am Inn

and Alois and Klara Hitler
would bring a pack of condoms.

Size XS should fit.

Thanks already.

In our timeline, however, Hitler instigated
however, instigated the Second World War

and thus brought
the whole world to the abyss.

A group of brave men, however,

under the leadership
of Count Claus von Stauffenberg,

planned to change history
for the better.

Gentlemen,

I am pleased that so many of you
to the secret meeting.

After the failures of the past months, time is
more and more after the failures of the past months.

I hope you have thought
about a plan that promises success,

who leads our leader
to his deserved destiny.

- Herr von Stauffenberg, may I?
- Major von Freyend, please.

- That's what we're here for.
- Thank you.

I have given it some thought.

Essential to my plan is,

the leader on the evening of 20,
his birthday,

as you all know,

with an urgent dispatch
distract

and to get them to leave the headquarters
to persuade

I will at the time already

have taken all essential precautions
have made,

so that after a few simple steps

only
has to flick the light switch,

as soon as the guide returns.

And then...

Bam!

Surprise.

Burning already all sparklers
on a giant Himmler...

er, raspberry cream pie,

and a small four man chapel

plays the Badenweiler March.

And this cake
is then... poisoned?

No. Why?

In the process, our leader
be damaged.

(ominous music)

Wait a minute,
Isn't this the planning group

for the surprise party
for the Führer's birthday on April 20?

No.

This is the resistance group
to the planned assassination on July 20.

Oh. Yeah, then I'm officially
in the wrong office.

You'll excuse me, gentlemen.

No problem. Can happen.

But, from Freyend...

- Not a word about this, understand?
- Point of honor.

But only...

if in return you do not reveal anything
about the surprise party.

You have the word of all of us.

- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler!

(Stauffenberg) Good. Um...

Now for the right plans,
to get rid of this monster.

We are all ears, Colonel.

I call it...

Operation Valkyrie.

The plan is this:

I myself smuggle a
bomb hidden in a briefcase

to the next meeting
in the Wolf's Lair.

But Mr. Stauffenberg, wouldn't you have to
sacrifice yourself for that?

- Yes.
- Yes?

But how exactly...

We detonate only
half of the explosives,

whereby no
real damage occurs.

Wait a minute.
Hitler is not killed in the process?

This is prevented by the table top,
which absorbs the pressure wave.

Uh-huh.

But Hitler knows now,

that resistance
up to the very top

and will have me
executed.

- That is absurd.
- Excluded.

Wait.
The real highlight is yet to come.

You seize the opportunity and
will nevertheless issue a deployment order

to the military takeover
of all institutions

accidentally
send to the Führer's headquarters,

whereby our coup d'état

will now be fully exposed.

Which in turn leads to,

that you too will be arrested and
executed in the Bendlerblock.

And now we have to,

or who comes after us,
but sympathizes with us,

just sit back
and wait.

Hitler is
eaten away by his paranoia,

because he can never be sure that
all the resisters have been eliminated.

His decisions
will soon become more and more absurd.

Until he burns up all the resources

and has maneuvered itself into a hopeless
has maneuvered itself into a hopeless situation.

The Allies
push the Germans back,

Germany is occupied

and the Red Army
advances as far as Berlin.

Hitler will eventually surrender

and afterwards
in shame in the Führerbunker

as last option

take their own lives.

Bam.

An ingenious plan.

Bravo. Bravo.

To Operation Valkyrie.

(all) To Operation Valkyrie.

(Dr. Friedle) A clever plan.
Small disadvantage:

One or two days of war were to pass before the
or other day of war should pass.

For example in the belly
of an 80 meter long

narrow, stuffy metal tube.

Not for me
with my steel and water allergy.

(sonar pings)

(whispers) Screw noises.

270 degrees.

Quickly approaching.

(somber music)

Take us deeper, Fischer.
Very slowly.

Front down 15, back up ten.

(Sonar pings faster)

Water bombs!

(bang)

(they groan)

(bang)

(alarm rings)

Damage reports?

Water ingress in the engine room!

We are sinking too fast.
160 meters falling.

Do something.
Machines full power back.

They do not react.
190 meters falling.

(ominous metallic creaking)

200 meters.

(Sailor) 210.

Just stop.

(Sailor) Over 220.

(muffled rumbling)

- What was that?
- We put on.

Here? Impossible.

This must be an
plateau that has not been recorded.

230 meters.

(dramatic smoldering music)

Good.

Take a breath.

We need to get back up there.

Fischer, blow on all the dip cells.

Blow. Blow on all cells.

(faint hiss)

- Everything is under water.
- Again.

Blow again.
Everything you have.

(faint hiss)

Not a chance.

(hesitant fart)

- Sorry.
- Friedrichs.

- I'm sorry.
- Pull yourself together.

Wow, that's horrible.

Whenever I'm excited.

We're about to go on it, and the
Last I smell your beer shit.

(fart)

Hold your breath.

He has his ass open.

Are you stupid?
What about him?

Sorry,
but under emotional pressure

more than ever.

I can not help it.

Fuck it.
Pull yourself together.

(wild babble of voices)

Silence.

Friedrichs.

Farting in a submarine.

You should be court-martialed for that.

(soft fart)

But maybe you have saved
saved our lives.

Huh?

What are farts made of, 1 WHERE?

Uh, from nitrogen, from carbon dioxide
and... methane.

Correct. And what is methane, Fischer?

- A propellant gas?
- Exactly.

And what are we missing in the diving cells,
so that we can blow?

(hopeful music)

So, Friedrichs.

You first take a calm breath.

- Smutje?
- Kaleun?

- How much sauerkraut?
- 20 cans.

Excellent. Legumes?

40 cans of red lentils, 60 cans of peas

and 20 cans of beans
in tomato sauce.

- Very good. Open. All of them.
- Yes.

Come here.

Stands up.

Mr. Kaleun, I still have
eight packs of Iranian figs.

I make available of course.

Go. You know what to do.

Grab the spoons
and distribute in the boat.

- Ten in front, five in back.
- (Sailors) Yes, sir.

Today we do not die, men.
Not today.

(heroic music)

(Sailor) Faster.

(Didn't you hear what Kaleun said?
what the Kaleun said?

Go on, go on!

Do not stop.

Next!

Faster! Faster!

So, and now: Farting.

Everything out that doesn't pay rent.

(Smutje) Let's go!

(several farts
of various length and consistency)

(Kaleun) That's it. Next.

Blow us
from this godforsaken rock.

(they continue farting)

(triumphant music)

I have earned them.

(sailors) No!

And from this example you can see,

why we humans
have become the dominant species.

If the situation seems
still so hopeless,

finds our
extremely highly developed brain

always a creative solution.

And since we started with nuclear fission

an almost
have an almost inexhaustible source of energy,

nothing stands in the way of our expansion
nothing more stands in the way of our expansion in the universe.

Well, muchachos. Dress warmly.

We are coming.

Oops. Well,
there's always a little shrinkage.

And vice versa you can
us also like times

for a mulled wine
and speculoos.

Preferably today. Because with us...

(somber music)

(menacing music)

(Dr. Friedl) Conversely, you are welcome to
us also gladly times

for a mulled wine
and speculoos.

Best today, because with us...

is Christmas party today!

(laughter)
(Cheering and applause)

(Bravo!

- This is madness.
- Absolute madness.

- You were good.
- You too.

Dear NASA employees, I hope,
our little Christmas movie

was as much fun for you to see
as we had fun making it.

A lot of heart and soul goes into it.

And honestly also
a considerable part

of our budget for next year.

The taxpayer
does not have to know.

(laughter)

Thanks to... Thanks to your commitment

and your talent

Voyager Il" is ready for launch
and can take off in a few weeks.

But I would say, then rather
with the real Golden Record.

(frenetic cheering and applause)

To each of you again thank you
and have a great Christmas party.

And in this sense: Ho, ho, ho!

(all) Ho, ho, ho!

(Jingle Bells is playing)

Jessica. Jessica.

Would you be so kind and come?

Bring the Golden Record
carefully into the hangar.

- I have to take care of the guests.
- For all I care.

Oh, and the Christmas movie
you put on my desk.

But very important:
Do not confuse the two.

Clear?

It's not that hard now.

Well. All the better.

Okay.

(snappy Christmas music
continues)

(ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Professor
Doctor Doctor Greta Thunberg.

(Cheers and applause)

(man) Greta!

(Woman) You're the best!

How dare you?

You have stolen
my dreams and my childhood

with your empty words.

- With this speech...
- (computer voice) Translation on.

With this speech
many years ago

reproached the governments,

my generation
to steal the future.

But what happened afterwards,
I would never have thought possible.

Because almost all nations
took radical steps,

to reduce the earth's CO2 emissions
to reduce

and prevent global warming.

Therefore, I can proudly announce,

that 97 percent
of all scientists agree,

that we have reached our goal,

avert climate change.

The future of our planet...

is saved.

(Cheers)

- (muffled thunder)
- (man) What is that?

(crowd murmurs)

(dramatic music)

(people screech)

Oh fuck.

(ominous music)

(reverberating outcry)

(good-humored whistling)

Dirt solar panels.

Do you screw
a monkey with pliers.

The Russians have completely
totally gnawed away.

They have to tell you
you need special tools here.

I mean,
that's what they said, Horst.

Yes, but once again properly.

Yeah, sure, that's right.

"Build a new ISS."
They're good, those engineers.

(Horst) Det we charge everything
nice extra.

- I have real power.
- But not too scarce.

Wat do we take,
Zero gravity impact?

So, that's at least...

Jürgen, pinch me.

So either I just

a maintained
Oxygen undersupply

or there floats
the Brandenburg Gate floats by.

What? Det is in Berlin.

On Earth.

Speaking of earth, where is it anyway?

(sinister music)

Jürgen, our warehouse in Wilmersdorf,
the large propane cylinder,

did you close them properly?

(Jürgen) Na sichi. By the book,
counterclockwise.

(Horst) What, against? Not with?

- (Jürgen) No, with is up.
- No, up is against.

- On is against?
- Since when is on against?

(Jürgen) On is closed. With is against.

(Horst) What is what?

(Jürgen) So I'm out.

(groovy music)

- We have played through the earth
- All perished

- Only squinted at the profit
- Maggots in bacon

- Mankind since Genesis
- Everything broken

- Eiffel Tower, Acropolis
- Ash and rubble

- UN Charter, Human Rights
- Away from the window

- Torah, bible, smut books
- Yesterday's snow

- Animals, plants, worms, beetles
- All gone

- Life since Adam and Eve
- Apple Z.

No!

- Bye, bye
- Bye, bye

- The party is over
- Bye, bye

The party is over
And for tomorrow it looks bad

The game is over
The last one turns off the light

- Bye, bye
- Bye, bye

- The party is over
- Bye, bye

The party is over
For tomorrow it looks dreary

The game is over
The last one turns off the light

- All the great work of man
- We have screwed up

- Himalayas and Prenzlberg
- Only dust

- Where did sweet Bodo go?
- Filleted

- What still makes sense at all?
- Complicated

- The villages and metropolises
- Flattened

- Poets, thinkers, Dieter Bohlen
- Shift in the shaft

- New York, Rio, Bielefeld
- Knocked out

- Our little beautiful world?
- Space junk

- Are you with me?
- (Cheers)

Hi there.

- Who is too big?
- His penis.

Quite a hummer.

- Say that again.
- Valhalla!

Are you guys out of your minds?

Just kidding.

It's meant nicely.

Kiss my ass!

No!

Gerhard.

You ass...

Merde.

- Bye, bye
- Bye, bye

- The party is over
- Bye, bye

The party is over
For tomorrow it looks bad

The game is over
The last one turns off the light

- Bye, bye
- Bye, bye

- The party is over
- Bye, bye

The party is over
For tomorrow it looks dreary

The game is over
The last one turns off the light

We wanted Maldives
with 'm cruise ship

Everyday
Three times a meat dish

We never got enough
Of this nice shit

Kim Dotcom was against us
A lightweight

Who could have guessed that humanity
Would go broke so quickly?

That the idea of
"keep growing" sucks?

Mother Earth after the party here
is a corpse?

So we wave one last time
From the ghost ship

Ghost ship

Bye, bye

- The party is over
- Bye, bye

The party is over
For tomorrow it looks bad

The game is over
The last one turns off the light

- Bye, bye
- Bye, bye

- The party is over
- Bye, bye

The party is over
For tomorrow it looks dreary

The game is over
The last one turns off the light

The last one turns off the light

The last one turns off the light

For tomorrow it looks bad

The game is over
The last one turns off the sun

The last one turns off the light

The last one turns off the light

For tomorrow it looks bleak

The game is over
The last one turns off the sun

(Screech, several bangs)

(loose music)

This is like Dr.BEST.
I feel like Dr.BEST.

From Freyend...

None of this about this.

- (von Freyend) Of course.
- Please what?

It can happen to anyone.

No problem, that can happen
happen to anyone. It can happen to anyone.

Because he can never be sure
that all resisters...

That all resisters enthusiastically...

Are you guys up for some lexical...

Lexical semantics of the...

Lexical semantics of the...

The what?

Semantics of...
Son of a bitch!

I can't get this sentence
over my lips.

I have contact with Lyudmila...
Pavlchickadida.

What is her name exactly?

Pavlitch... Pa...

Her name is Pavlochenko, too, isn't it?

Ah, Pavli... I don't give a shit.

...Lyudmila Pavlochenko
contacted.

- (soft giggle)
- What?

Gentlemen, may I present
my niece Jessica,

who today had their taster...

I'll be back.

Look what a silly
silly flat forehead they have.

And your micro cable
is also still hanging out.

We are a people from the north
in search of warmer areas.

(she coughs)

I always have a cough.

We play

pointed stone, blunt stone,
round stone, flat stone.

We do it the way,
the way we've always done it...

Where are the bricks?

- Hm, hm, hm.
- (bang)

- Looks like we won.
- Stop, fire.

It's burning.

People must be scared shitless
in their pants with fear,

if they are the symbol of my sacrifice....

Ah, again. Sorry.
The hair.

40 cans of red lentils,
60 cans of young beans...

No. Peas. Fuck.

40 cans of red lentils, 60 cans of...

Ah, shit. Young peas.

I have earned it now.

Well.

But before that happens,

let's celebrate again
a grande... grande...

I'm coming back in.

Det we charge everything extra.

I've got real power under the...
(stutters)

But we are still allowed to
Scots still the ears...

'scuse me.

...someone's ears
...someone's ears... Shit.

Example.

If you have bitten off
you bit someone's ears off... Shit.

So, this is now a really...
really good example of the...

This is a good example of the...
What is your name?

- Uwe.
- From Uwe.

Well, what I mean by that is that you....

I mean by that...
I still do not know.

Who has never
with naked ass in the moonlight

Nuns has drawn...
Has loused.

Only who has never
with naked ass in the moonlight...

Who has never
with naked ass in the moonlight

Nuns lusted, the...

He rarely knits big cookies.
Yes.

Who has never with naked ass
has licked nuns in the moonlight,

who also rarely knits large buttons.

Cookies.

Thank you, that's it for today.
Come home well.

I am the Louis X-V-I.
And I sat fat on the throne

Now it goes splatter
With this revolution

A "the device" that wants
That you put body parts in there

All at once six kilos lighter
What a horny effect

With my own head
Play soccer

That would be a gag

And this disgusting acne
Would then also finally gone

So if you need someone
Quasi as a research object

(solemn orchestral music)

And when the blade falls

The world pauses briefly

Then butterflies fly

Up to the firmament

When steel rushes through necks

This is the most beautiful sound in the world

Look, a dick tent

When the blade...

falls

The blade falls!