Original subtitles

Gotham City on a pleasant morning.

And in one of its most exclusive fur salons...

elegant ladies shop with doting husbands.

This is just too sporty.

What an elegant coat.

And a magnificent color.

- Darling, what do you think of this? - If you like it, darling, it's all yours.

Oh, you're a dream. I just love it.

All right, everybody, stand still and no one will be injured.

This is a stick-up.

Get out of here. Who are you anyhow?

Your friendly neighborhood holdup man, at your service, sir.

What is this, some vulgar joke?

Yes, but the joke is on you, my good fellow.

And there's nothing vulgar about half a million in furs.

I do believe it's that arch criminal, the Joker.

Ladies and gentlemen, my staff of felonious furriers. Ha-ha-ha.

All right, everybody, to the center of the room.

Come, come, come.

A joke: What are more mink skins used for than anything else?

To hold minks together.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Prescott Belmont of the banking Belmonts, I believe.

Oh, what lovely jewels, Mrs. Belmont. And what a stunning coat.

Thank heavens we haven't bought it yet.

- Closer. Closer, everybody. - Aah!

Closer, closer. I want a tight little group.

All right, staff. Get ready, take aim.

- No. - They're going to shoot us down like cattle.

- Why you filthy cad. - Fire.

And now, Mrs. Belmont, if you please.

Oh, thank you, dear lady.

I'm all stuck up.

But of course, I said this is a stick-up. Ha-ha-ha.

And now to all, farewell.

Staff, let us away.

A hairpin?

First, we get a report that he's stolen a hole from a golf green...

and now a hairpin?

What is the Joker up to?

About to start on another series of his dastardly crimes, I'll wager.

- Then we'd better not delay. - Right.

For there's no one else can cope with the capers of that devilish clown.

Right, Chief O'Hara.

Though we may never know who he is behind that mask of his...

thank goodness he's there when a crisis befalls us.

And in Wayne Manor...

stately home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson.

I'll solicit his presence, sir.

But it's so much harder with the pieces upside down, Bruce.

Of course, but think of what excellent training it is for your visual memory.

Gosh, yes. I guess that's true.

- Excuse me, sir. - Yes?

It's the Batphone.

Oh, boy. Let's go.

- Well, where are they off to now? - Hmm?

I just brought them a little snack.

A call, I believe, madam. From Mr. Wayne's sporting-goods suppliers.

A superior new design of binoculars has just arrived for their bird watching.

Yes, Commissioner?

Dire news, Batman. It's the Joker again.

We'll be right there, Commissioner.

To the Batpoles.

Atomic batteries to power.

- Turbines to speed. - Roger. Ready to move out.

It arrived while you were on the way here, Batman.

Timed perfectly.

Then we'll proceed with extreme care.

Robin.

Chief, commissioner, stand back, please.

Ready?

- Holy jack in the box. - Saints alive.

Strange but...

harmless.

Huh.

A small recording machine with a tape on it.

Play it, Batman.

Good evening, commissioner.

I assume Batman is there by now, so give him my regards, will you? Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, by the way, did you hear what the maid said...

when the duchess asked if she'd given the goldfish fresh water that morning?

"No, Your Highness, he hasn't yet used what he had yesterday."

Not a very funny joke, I'd say.

The Joker's never are, in the end.

Do you suppose any of this could mean anything?

Possibly, but not what it seems to mean.

That's the key to the Joker's twisted mind.

But why? It's not like the Joker to help us catch him.

It could be a trap.

Why would he want a hole from a golf course?

The golf course, of course.

His Highness the Maharajah of Nimpha arrived in Gotham City today...

and he's so rich, he plays golf with jewel-inlaid, solid-gold clubs.

That's it, Batman. The joke on this tape. His Highness and the "gold" in "goldfish."

And he's scheduled to play in one hour at the Winnikoto Country Club.

- Where he stole the hole. - Let's go.

Be careful, Batman. Be careful.

While at the exclusive Winnikoto Country Club...

a sinister figure looms above the fairway.

Look, it's Batman.

Crime is certainly rampant these days.

Batman.

Batman, I presume.

- Correct. - I'm Prescott Belmont, president of the club.

I got your message. I'll be glad to assist you in any way I can.

Good. There could be more foul play here today.

Has the Maharajah of Nimpha begun his round?

Not five minutes ago with his honor, the mayor.

They're still on the first hole.

Is there some vantage point overlooking the course?

- Any place where we won't be conspicuous. - The lower terrace.

Let's go.

Odd. Everything looks serene.

Let me look.

Holy Taj Mahal.

Look at those jewel-studded golf clubs.

Yes.

That would be a rich prize for the Joker.

Very fine chip shot, Your Highness.

What's so fine? It should have been closer.

Yes, but the grass grows the wrong way, Your Highness.

If this were only Nimphanese blue grass.

I'm away, Your Highness.

Mr. Mayor, please don't putt while I'm talking.

Forgive me, Your Highness.

All right, go ahead.

Batman, something's happening.

Looks like yellow gas.

It is gas.

Quick, to the Batmobile.

Sorry to be so abrupt. This could be an emergency.

Wait.

It's not just the clubs...

- they're stealing the Maharajah. - Good heavens.

With a forklift.

Let's get going and make an emergency Bat-turn.

Not this time, old chum. We have to think of the golfers.

The retro rockets would burn up the course for 100 yards.

Holy tee-shot, it's gone.

But where?

Holy shrinkage.

A trick of some sort, no doubt.

There's something inside.

We'll see.

It's a note.

"Batman, did you hear about the kid who wanted to sell his dog for $50,000?

He got his price, traded it for two $25,000 cats.

But you can't make a deal like that for the Maharajah...

because we've got plenty of cats already.

Don't call us, we'll call you."

- Plenty of cats. - Cats, cats, and more cats.

It could be an old refinery Katz, Katz, Katz and Company.

It's been out of use for years but would make a perfect hideout.

It sounds too simple.

Almost as if he wanted us to solve it immediately.

- We'll have to be on our guard, Batman. - Right, let's go.

How right they are, for inside the seemingly innocent old refinery...

the Joker and his crew prepare for company.

Oh, my playful pilfering pals, this is going to be delicious.

Bring the table in here. Quickly, quickly. Put it right in the center.

Now get the chairs. Get the chairs.

One... One here. One over here. One there, one there, one there.

Quickly. Everything must be just right. Ha-ha.

Now, how does that look, my pretty?

Oh, perfect, Joker. Do you really think he'll come?

Oh, he'll be here, never fear. You mark my words.

Joker, why didn't you get me something longer than this when you had the chance?

Oh, that's not my style, lovey.

Any common hoodlum can do that.

Oh, but never fear, my dear, we'll buy you countless furs and jewels.

Oh, gee, Joker. You're perfect.

Yeah, practically.

Joker. Joker. He just parked that hot rod of his up the street.

Excellent. Everybody take your places. And you stand out of harm's way, my dear.

There. Now, deal them up.

What'll we do, Batman? Use the Batropes? Go in through the skylight?

Let's try the direct approach. With his twisted mind, it could surprise him.

Strange, it's not locked.

Holy spider webs. A nest for rats.

- Now. - We've got you this time, Joker.

Want to join the game, Batman and Boy Wonder?

You'd better hurry, it won't last long.

Holy looking glass.

A truck with folding mirrors in its sides.

No wonder it vanished.

Yes, with nothing but the green of the golf course to reflect...

it turned green too and seemed to disappear.

But we're on to your tricks, Joker.

You might as well...

Circle now and intertwine Neatly wrap these guests of mine

And no more will they jeer and scoff I'll cut their circulation off

If they do not see the joke Pull the ropes and let them choke

- Holy eight ball, this trick rope of his! - It's like being caught in a barrel of snakes.

Oh, well now, I must say, this is an expected pleasure. Ha-ha.

You may have won the first round, Joker...

- but we don't give up. - Hah!

Hmm. I've heard about Batman, but this is the first time I've ever met him.

And the last.

- So that's your dirty game. - We might have known.

Why don't we think about this, Joker?

- Think about it? - Yeah.

What is this? Have you gone soft, my little savage?

Well, I, uh...

I bet he wouldn't try to knock you off, if he had the chance.

Oh, no, he'd merely try to incarcerate me in durance vile for the rest of my life.

Oh-ho. A fate much worse than death for a spirit such as mine.

- Still, we might give them a sporting chance. - Yeah.

Oh, no, boss. We may never get another chance like this.

That's right, we gotta get rid of them. We owe it to the criminal world.

Well, we'll see. Bring them along. Come, come, come. Ha-ha-ha.

And now my Dynamic Duo...

something I've been waiting to do for a long time.

There, my funny ray has neutralized the gadgets in your utility belts...

for at least an hour.

- You're both good swimmers, I hope. - Fair.

Then you can easily remain afloat for an hour, I presume?

If we weren't weighted down or something.

You let these guys escape, it'll be the mistake of your career.

- Yeah. - You keep out of this.

If he wants to give them a sporting chance, that's his business.

Oh, well, perhaps they won't make it.

Gentlemen, step that way, please.

This is delicious, absolutely delicious.

Enough, enough, enough. Out of my way.

I'll give you a few minutes to get out of these...

before I start filling that.

And if you remain afloat for an hour, you go absolutely free.

Now, what more could you ask?

I still suspect some trick.

Now, now, let's not be bitter. Ha-ha-ha.

I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt, Robin.

Until he proves otherwise. It's only fair.

- I suppose you're right. - Of course, he's right.

Gentlemen, be my guests.

Thank you.

Come, my sweet.

Holy smoke stack.

What a spot to get out of.

Right, Batman. There are only two ways to get out of there.

One, I let you out.

And two, you jump 5 0 feet, straight up.

You still intend to free us if we can stay afloat for an hour?

Oh, dear me.

Surely you don't think I'd joke about such a serious matter as that, do you?

No.

Time to start filling the tank.

But that's gas.

I do believe you're right. Ha-ha-ha.

But then, who said anything about water? Ha-ha-ha.

But you can't float in gas.

No, but you can drown in it.

Oh, Joker, that's a dirty trick.

Oh, forget it, Jill.

You didn't really think I was going to pass up a chance like this, did you, my peerless pair?

Play traitor to all my principles and friends?

Oh, no. Ha-ha-ha.

But one last word of advice, don't stir it up.

Too narrow in here to use the Batrope.

There's nothing for them to catch on.

And he's neutralized the rest of the stuff in the utility belts.

What are we going to do?

Unless there's someone to help us...

I don't know.

But help from where?

Not the Joker, certainly.