Original subtitles

A beautiful Wednesday afternoon in Gotham City.

Matinee day at this theater.

In a moment, the playgoers will be coming out for a refreshing orange drink.

But watch closely, there may be a drama that's not on the program.

So superior to the sort of thing one usually sees.

Oh, yes, infinitely.

And a leading man, my dear Mrs. Van Climber, his tremendous power.

Absolutely inspired, my dear Penguin.

It's a penetrating documentary in our time.

It's a mirror of our clichéd minds...

of our sadly weakened moral fiber, wouldn't you say so?

Hands up, everybody and you won't get hurt. I ain't kidding.

Do as he says, Penguin. He's a desperate man.

You, unhook that ruby pendant.

Throw it here.

- Outrageous monster. - Shh! He'll hear you.

Back away, everybody. Back away.

Knave thief, surrender.

Wise guy, huh? Take this.

Jumping jeepers, a bulletproof umbrella.

- Ms. Starr... - Oh.

- May I? - Thank you.

- There. - Oh.

How can I ever, ever thank you?

What?

The Penguin prevented a crime, that waddling pompous master of foul play?

It's true, commissioner. And who do you think the necklace belongs to?

- Ms. Sophia Starr. - Sophia Starr?

Beauteous queen of Gotham City society?

That's her. They left the theater hand-in-hand.

- Ominous, most ominous. - What do you think it means, commissioner?

Since it involves the Penguin, only one man can answer that question...

and answer it in time.

The Caped Crusader.

All right, commissioner, I'll fetch him for you.

And in Wayne Manor where young Dick Grayson practices his putting...

under the watchful eye of his guardian...

millionaire Bruce Wayne and his doting Aunt Harriet.

- Oh, missed that one. - Precision, Dick, precision.

The key to success in life as well as in sports.

Excuse me, sir, but there's a telephone call for you.

A certain Mr. Rime, sir.

- Rime? - Yes, sir, a Mr. K. Rime...

uh, if you understand me.

Of course. Mr. K. Rime with a red hot line of investments for the Wayne Foundation.

Precisely, sir.

Dick, it's about time you started learning something about the elements of investment.

We may be a while, Aunt Harriet.

Mr. K. Rime might want us to visit him at the stock exchange.

So long, Aunt Harriet. See you later.

Mercy me.

What an unfortunate name for an investment counselor.

K. Rime?

Sounds like "crime."

Isn't that funny, Alfred? I'd be very careful about him if I were Bruce.

Indeed, madam.

Yes, commissioner?

A strange and troubling turn of events, Batman.

You have a competitor in crime fighting: the Penguin.

We're on our way.

The Penguin.

Holy nick of time. Lucky for us, we just finished installing...

- the bulletproof windshield in the Batmobile. - Not so lucky for the Penguin.

To the Batpoles.

Thanks, commissioner. We've got the picture.

I'll call you back if Batman has any ideas.

What do you think, Batman?

- Has the Penguin really gone straight? - It's a tough one.

When that bird turns snow white, it could be merely a tricky whitewash job.

Right. But still, we've got to think of his record since he last left prison.

Clean as a whistle, it seems, accepted in the best circles.

Not even a ticket for jaywalking.

Could it be that he is reformed?

Or only pretending to reform, stalking his next victim under the false colors of a crime fighter.

How the heck do we find out?

- I have an idea. - What, Batman?

Say that caper at the theater was a Penguin ploy.

That crook he caught must have been an accomplice, right?

- On the nose. - Call the commissioner.

Have him give that crook a grilling.

We'll be there in time for the kill.

All right, I'll ask you one more time.

- How long have you known the Penguin? - Who?

Quit lying, you cheap hoodlum. He paid you to pull that job, didn't he?

Told you to keep your mouth shut, promised to cut you in on the big job later.

You guys must read too many comic books or something.

Hold it, Chief O'Hara. No rough stuff.

It's our duty to abide by the rules.

Now, this lying is useless.

Besides, we have evidence.

- Evidence? - The bulletproof umbrella.

Why would the Penguin have carried a bulletproof umbrella...

unless he expected your machine gun attack?

Who knows? Ask him.

A hard-baked cookie this one.

Covered with armor plate icing.

Let's give him a turn, shall we?

Hey.

What's the matter, sonny? Scared of the dark?

Aah! Help, there's bats loose in here.

Holy knock out drops.

- The miserable weakling fainted dead away. - Looks like you overdid it, Batman.

- There's only one thing to do now. - Find Penguin himself. Put the blocks to him.

- Excuse me, sir. - Yes, lieutenant?

We have a report from the tail we put on the Penguin.

He just entered the Gotham City Millionaire's Club.

Holy jackpot.

That bird of prey loose among the golden geese.

Only one way to find out. Chief, call the parking lot.

Have them clear all the exits for the Batmobile.

Meanwhile, in the steam room of the super exclusive Gotham Millionaire's Club...

a strange, disquieting scene.

Leave that guy alone, you criminals.

- Earl, take him out of here. - Look out. Watch out. Watch out. Quick.

- More steam. - Roger.

- That's got it. - All right.

A snatch in the fog, eh?

Avast, you sad, dimmed-witted ruffian.

- Hey, the smoke screen. - It's gone.

Cheese it.

Oh, thank you, sir. They tried to kidnap me.

It's all right, Reggie, my boy. You're safe now.

You're with the Penguin.

- Put up your flippers, Penguin. - Caught you with your feathers down.

Kidnapping. One false move and you'll get the Batarang.

Hello, my esteemed colleagues in crime fighting...

the droll deceivers, The Dynamic Duo.

Batman, listen, you've got it all wrong.

The Penguin saved me from being kidnapped.

Saved you?

I swear to you, old boy.

Villains were trying to abduct me under the cover of a steam screen.

And heaven knows how he did it...

but this delightful bird-like chap suddenly dispelled the steam...

and the criminals took to their heels.

Elementary, my dear Reggie.

My ubiquitous umbrella was fortunately loaded with colored dry ice.

And when I discharged the jet, the vapor was instantly condensed.

- Something fishy here. - There sure is.

He must have known about the supposed kidnapping.

Otherwise, why would he be carrying an umbrella loaded with dry ice?

The reason is the season, Batman.

- What? - This prematurely hot weather annoys me.

Being a penguinous kind of a bird, I hate hot weather.

So, what would be more natural than I should carry an umbrella loaded with dry ice?

Oh, yeah?

If you hate the heat so much, what are you doing in a steam room?

Oh, I ask you, is that an ethical question between crime fighters...

competitors you might say?

You pompous, taunting creature.

Heh, heh. Well, I'm sorry, but I must fly. I'm very busy.

I have a little rendezvous with Sophia Starr. We have some arrangements to make.

- Arrangements? - For her jewels.

I'm taking over their protection.

Allow me to give you my card.

Come on, my dear boy.

Oh, you saved my life, Penguin. If there's anything I can do...

"Penguin Protective Agency, Incorporated."

Holy leopard, what a change of spots.

The Penguin, in business as a private eye.

Hiring him to guard jewels is like trusting a leaf of lettuce to a rabbit.

- Let's race back and give Ms. Starr a warning. - Useless. She's smitten with him.

She'd scoff at us.

So, what do we do, Batman?

We can't protect her, but we can save her jewels and at the same time, set a trap.

Great. How?

We substitute fake jewels for the real ones, Robin...

treated in our reactor to leave radioactive traces of the thief.

- Terrific. - There's just one problem.

To make copies. How to know what the real ones look like?

- Correct. - He has to look at them.

- That would tip Penguin off. - Pick up the Batphone, call Alfred.

Tell him to wait for us in the Batcave.

Alfred is going to be our secret undercover agent.

- What? - Reggie Rich gave you a check...

- for $10,000 and you tore it up? - Indeed. Indeed.

- And right in front of his very eyes. - You know something?

Playing at being a straight guy must have unhinged the Penguin's mind.

Why, you birdbrain.

What's 10,000 when I aim at millions?

Confidence, that is what I am stealing from these dupes.

Confidence and pride in the Penguin.

And they will end up handing me their treasure on a silver plate.

- Yeah, but I wonder. - You wonder what?

- Don't get mad at me... - Yeah.

But I wonder what Batman and Robin's gonna have to say.

The piddling pair will be punctured now and forever.

No offense, Penguin, but we've heard you sing that song before.

Yeah, it's always us who end up singing the anvil chorus in the pen.

No, not this time. You see, I have planted a seed in their mind.

I have planted the erroneous idea...

that I am going to steal the jewels of Sophia Starr.

- You mean you ain't? - No, I am not.

I delight in the devious.

I obviate the obvious, you see.

Misreading my intentions, they're going to lay a trap for me...

a trap which when it springs...

Batman and Robin will never come back.

Batman and Robin will never...

Well, farewell, my fine frosted finks.

You mind the store.

I'm going to see my shining star, Sophia Starr.

Plot and counterplot.

Here's Alfred carrying out a vital but risky chore...

in the guise of a man from Floyd's Insurance Limited.

Excellent. I think that just about does it, Ms. Starr.

You're sure there's nothing else you want, Mr. Smedley?

No, thank you. No. That will just complete our records.

Ah, fiddlesticks.

- Beg pardon, Pengy darling? - But it offends me to the quick.

An insurance company worrying about the safety of your jewels...

while they're under my guardianship.

One can never be too secure, can one, Mr. Penguin...

with the world these days so full of predators.

Great Scott, Alfred. Have you forgotten?

Batman told you to switch cigarette holders with the Penguin.

You're meant to palm off the trick one with the tiny super-powered transmitter inside.

Quick, before it's too late.

Create that diversion.

Good day, Ms. Starr.

Great heavens.

The anti-theft system built into my carrying case, it went off accidentally.

Don't panic. I can fix that.

There. Neutralized by my high-powered demagnetizer coil.

Oh, Pengy, you're fantastic.

No trouble. Ha, ha.

Why, there's no end to your resourcefulness.

- Thank you, my love, thank you. - Oh, Pengy.

- Oh, look, the handle of your umbrella. - What?

Zounds, my secret radio detector.

Somebody has planted an electronic bug in this room.

Huh?

Eh? Eh. Eh.

Eh.

Eh. Eh. Eh-heh.

So you switched cigarette holders, did you?

Ah.

Floyd's of Dublin, huh? I think not.

Out with it, you criminal.

Who are you working for?

It can happen to the best of us, Mr. Penguin, sir.

One moment everything's going smoothly and the next, fate pulls the rug out from under us.

- Pengy. - Good day, miss.

Oh, Pengy.

Pengy, my poor darling.

Who cares about him. Are you all right?

Vengeance.

Failure, sir, utter failure.

- That's not true, Alfred. - Of course not.

The important thing was to get this picture of Sophia's jewels.

- You got it. - Sure, you did.

And we've already made a complete set of fake copies.

Thanks to you, we may be able to avert a gigantic robbery.

Robin, grab those fake jewels.

We must strike before the Penguin does.

Let's go.

- We're sure taking a chance, Batman. - What's the matter, soles of your boot slippery?

Heck, no. I mean, when we put the fake jewels in Ms. Starr's safe...

take the real ones out, we could be nailed as crooks.

That's a chance we have to take, Robin.

In our well-ordered society, protection of private property is essential.

Yes, you're right, Batman.

That's the keystone of all law and order.

Let's go, chum.

The safe should be behind that picture.

Coast seems clear.

Get out the electric eye looping unit.

Neutralize the alarm.

- I'll listen for the tumblers. - Roger.

Perfect. Tumblers are falling into place.

Got you, you thieves.

- One move and you're a dead duo. - Holy Bat-trap.

Let's fight our way out of this.

Help!

Oh, thieves!

- They're getting out the window. - Let them go. They won't get far.

- Pengy, dear, are you all right? - Sophia, my dear, you call the police.

- I'll call the Gotham City Times. - Yes.

Shocking, shocking. How could the responsible press print such an item?

You can't blame the papers, commissioner.

Things sure looked dark for Batman when the lights went on.

Yes, but still, how could a sane person think Batman a criminal?

How ungrateful the public is.

Yes? Put him on. It's the Penguin.

Oh, good morning, commissioner.

Have you snared the costumed crooks yet?

They're still at large, Penguin.

Well, that's very lax of you, commissioner.

I do hope that they won't burst in tonight and terrorize our party.

- Your party? - Yes.

By the way, you're invited. You might come if you feel like it.

Some of my influential friends are giving a gala benefit for the PPA.

That's the Penguin's Protective Agency.

Yes. Oh, we have taken over the Gotham Amusement Pier.

Should be amusing.

You...

You abominable avian.

- Yes, commissioner? - Gotham Amusement Pier, tonight.

- Penguin's tossing a party. - Interesting.

You'd better not be there, Batman. If you're spotted, I'll have to arrest you.

It's our only hope, Robin.

We'll have to catch Penguin in something crooked.

Then he won't be able to press that warrant for our arrest.

- I have an awful thought, Batman. - What?

What if Penguin really has gone straight?

- Drat. - What do you think, Batman?

He's with Sophia Starr and she's wearing those priceless diamonds.

Yeah, I have a strange feeling. It's time for the kill.

Gee, that cement-filled umbrella sure cooled them off.

- Well done, my finks. Well done. - What now, Penguin?

String them up here back of the shooting gallery directly behind the cutouts.

- Right. - Now, one small little detail.

Our, uh, umbrella popguns, take out the pellets.

Introduce real bullets.

- You, uh, challenge us, Penguin? - I certainly do.

Knowing you gentlemen to be of sporting blood...

I know that you will play this exquisite little game with me.

If you will burst those two red balloons on the first round...

I will donate 1000 dollars to your police benevolent fund.

- That's too easy, Penguin. - Much too easy.

- There must be a catch to it somewhere. - No catch whatsoever.

If you shoot those two red balloons, you will be doing Gotham City a gigantic favor.

- Do the city a big favor? - What the devil.

Why not?

- Give us the guns, Penguin. - Give them the umbrella gun.

- All set, my hearties? - We're set.

Now, on my instructions.

Ready.

Aim...