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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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If you were a dog,
what breed would you be?
2
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You know those hypoallergenic ones,
3
00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:07,898
uh, what are they?
4
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Oh, the ones that don't answer
stupid questions.
5
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Truck 12. Please respond.
6
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Cougar observed at residence.
425 Knoll Drive.
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Homeowner is out of town.
8
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Truck 12 responding.
9
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There's been a lot of sightings lately.
10
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A security camera at a dry cleaner's
got some great footage.
11
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It's a beautiful animal. C-38. Majestic.
12
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Poor guy's probably just hungry,
you know?
13
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This isn't some cute little kitty.
You know that right?
14
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Last year in Spokane another
cougar attacked an officer,
15
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broke through his ribcage,
and ate his lungs.
16
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,359
Oh, my God. Did he survive?
17
00:00:38,384 --> 00:00:41,170
Without lungs? Yup. Yeah.
18
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Finished third at the New York Marathon.
19
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Thank God.
20
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You know, I love stories like that.
21
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Triumph of the human spirit.
You can't keep us down, Frank.
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He died, Shred.
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Oh, my God.
24
00:01:02,087 --> 00:01:03,175
What?
25
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,750
On the stairs. Right in the bushes.
You see that?
26
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,835
The hydrangeas or the azaleas?
27
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:09,731
I don't know. The pink ones.
28
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Azaleas.
29
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Oh my God.
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Hand me the tranq gun.
31
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If he comes for us, we're
supposed to make ourselves look big.
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Shh. Yeah. That's the official line.
33
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But here's the real deal.
34
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Cup your junk and hide behind something.
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Make your whole package
as inaccessible as possible.
36
00:01:26,675 --> 00:01:28,585
But Frank, I... I heard
they go for your neck.
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Yeah, they do.
But it's not about staying alive,
38
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it's about life being
worth living if you survive.
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Be careful.
40
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I think I got a clean shot.
41
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- Unbelievable.
- What?
42
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What are you...
43
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Frank? Frank? Frank? Are you crazy?
44
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Cover up your junk.
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It's a stuffed animal.
46
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You don't know that.
It might just be asleep.
47
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Yeah. Well, when it wakes up
I'd speak to it in Vietnamese
48
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since it's probably where it was made.
49
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They do great work.
50
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Whoo! Okay.
51
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Yeah, I'll make the call to dispatch.
52
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Let 'em know it's a false alarm.
53
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- Wait.
- What?
54
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You know what Churchill said.
Never let a crisis go to waste.
55
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Totally.
56
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Quick refresher... uh, who is Churchill?
57
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Relief pitcher for the Mariners.
58
00:02:18,303 --> 00:02:20,175
I hear that dude's having
a great season.
59
00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:22,351
Look... we both know
this cougar isn't real.
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00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,359
Right.
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00:02:23,384 --> 00:02:24,850
But nobody else does.
62
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So, we have an opportunity to
humiliate a deserving individual
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and it would be wrong to pass that up.
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Right?
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Gentlemen.
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Templeton... thank God you're here.
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You're lucky I'm working
graveyard this week.
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Bring me up to speed.
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00:02:40,673 --> 00:02:41,805
Come here.
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00:02:44,012 --> 00:02:45,274
The predator is in those bushes.
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00:02:45,548 --> 00:02:46,897
See? Now we've shot him full of tranqs
72
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but that is one amped-up cat.
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Copy.
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00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,165
It takes a big man to admit
when he's in over his head.
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00:02:56,124 --> 00:02:58,796
So... he's already killed
a couple of dogs.
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00:02:58,821 --> 00:03:01,132
But the real concern is the
elementary school down the street.
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Yeah. Breaks my heart
78
00:03:02,638 --> 00:03:04,640
but, I think, we might have
to euthanize.
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Stand back, boys.
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This is a job for Mister Remington.
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Okay.
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Bye-bye kitty-cat.
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On my orders... fire.
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You're gonna order yourself
to fire, sir?
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Stop questioning my authority.
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Execute!
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00:03:31,507 --> 00:03:32,508
What?
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That was so good.
89
00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:36,599
That went so much better
than anyone could've hoped for.
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Oh, my goodness.
91
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- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
92
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'Kay. People are still not conforming
93
00:04:10,546 --> 00:04:12,548
to recycling protocols.
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00:04:12,548 --> 00:04:17,483
And once again, a half-eaten
hamburger is not recyclable... Frank.
95
00:04:20,643 --> 00:04:21,774
Thank you, Dolores.
96
00:04:21,774 --> 00:04:24,690
Uh, Dolores... is this recyclable?
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Of course.
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Oh, terrific.
99
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,259
Yeah. You've done that joke before.
100
00:04:28,259 --> 00:04:32,133
Well, when you see Elton John
you want him to play Rocket Man.
101
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,831
Uh, Frank? Shred?
Did anything happen recently
102
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that maybe I should be brought
up to speed on?
103
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Which category?
104
00:04:38,313 --> 00:04:40,663
Routine checks or events
that were hilarious
105
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and humbled a person
who richly deserved it?
106
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:46,234
Templeton filed a formal
complaint so now HR is involved.
107
00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:49,802
Oh no... not the department you
want as the arbiter of humor.
108
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You know who's sneaky funny?
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Payroll.
110
00:04:52,984 --> 00:04:55,435
Look, Emily, we're really sorry
you got dragged into this.
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00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:58,072
This is one of those rare
occasions where our joy
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00:04:58,072 --> 00:05:00,117
is worth the suffering it causes others.
113
00:05:00,117 --> 00:05:02,598
Well, I'm gonna be on the phone
for the next five hours
114
00:05:02,598 --> 00:05:05,514
getting you guys out of trouble.
So, I'm not demanding it,
115
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,447
but a large smoothie from the
place that I like on the corner
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00:05:07,472 --> 00:05:09,039
would be a really thoughtful surprise.
117
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Oh... absolutely Emily.
118
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In fact, I'm gonna get smoothies
for the entire office,
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including you, Dolores.
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Just a gentle reminder,
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those cups need to be rinsed
before they're recycled.
122
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You bet. Along with the
400 straws I'm bringing you.
123
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Again, so sorry.
124
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No, absolutely Captain,
I hear you loud and clear.
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I added the papaya extract boost.
126
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,845
- Thank you.
- It's an antioxidant.
127
00:05:32,845 --> 00:05:35,848
I figured with all the truck exhaust
and environmental toxins...
128
00:05:35,873 --> 00:05:37,092
You know I read about that.
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Do you know what else
is supposed to be...
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No, absolutely. I agree.
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It's a very, very serious incident.
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...is pomegranate extract.
133
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I've been taking it,
like, before breakfast
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00:05:47,295 --> 00:05:49,471
and I feel like I notice
a difference in my skin.
135
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Yeah. You got a glow.
136
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Really?
137
00:05:52,064 --> 00:05:53,317
What are you doing for sun protection?
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Like, SPF 50
and, like, a big floppy hat...
139
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No... exactly, Captain.
140
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No, I... I spoke to the officers
and it won't happen again.
141
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Okay. Super triple promise.
142
00:06:01,831 --> 00:06:03,876
I'm leaving now. Sorry.
143
00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:05,443
Oh wait! I forgot.
144
00:06:05,443 --> 00:06:07,532
I got you this morning glory muffin.
145
00:06:07,532 --> 00:06:08,751
Crazy amount of fiber.
146
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Not that you need it.
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You don't come off
as constipated at all.
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You know I'm not a fan
of Templeton but come on,
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you went too far.
150
00:06:16,672 --> 00:06:19,153
Since at least the bronze age,
pranks have been employed
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00:06:19,153 --> 00:06:21,894
as a necessary form of
workplace justice.
152
00:06:21,894 --> 00:06:23,679
Look... I don't like to get grandiose.
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00:06:23,679 --> 00:06:24,941
Oh, you love to get grandiose.
154
00:06:24,941 --> 00:06:26,421
That's true, I am pretty good at it.
155
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But if jerks like Templeton
go left unchecked,
156
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they become Vladimir Putin.
157
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So sometimes the children of light
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have to employ the methods
of the children of darkness.
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What?
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00:06:34,951 --> 00:06:36,909
A simple thank you is all I ask.
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00:06:36,909 --> 00:06:38,650
And now... good day.
162
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Ugh.
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He's insufferable!
164
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That dude deserves some
serious karmic payback.
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00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,756
I don't really believe in karma.
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Too many bad things happen to
me when I don't have it coming.
167
00:07:01,499 --> 00:07:03,066
I found this in the recycling bin.
168
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:04,067
It's Frank's.
169
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:05,803
Okay, you don't know that.
170
00:07:05,828 --> 00:07:07,786
It's a size 14 and
it reeks of arrogance.
171
00:07:07,811 --> 00:07:09,813
Can you just give me a sec?
172
00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:11,756
What's with the pictures of Shred?
173
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Uh, no... nothing.
174
00:07:13,598 --> 00:07:16,035
I was... I was doing some,
uh, paperwork and I...
175
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"Shred Taylor penis"?
176
00:07:17,211 --> 00:07:19,038
No! No, no, no. That's not... no.
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00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,518
Why were you Googling that?
178
00:07:20,518 --> 00:07:21,780
No, I... I wasn't.
179
00:07:22,433 --> 00:07:24,522
Well, I was looking up Shred because of,
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00:07:24,522 --> 00:07:26,568
like, professional, totally
above-board reasons...
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00:07:26,568 --> 00:07:28,874
um... and I think I just,
I clicked the wrong button.
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Do you have a thing for him?
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00:07:30,485 --> 00:07:31,834
No.
184
00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:34,184
No! No. He's my employee.
185
00:07:34,184 --> 00:07:36,317
And he has a girlfriend.
186
00:07:36,404 --> 00:07:38,884
And regardless of that it's... no.
187
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His penis is frozen?
188
00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:44,847
Yeah. Yeah.
189
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Is or was, I don't know. It's unclear.
190
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How did you even find that?
191
00:07:49,547 --> 00:07:50,983
It's the third thing that pops up. Okay?
192
00:07:50,983 --> 00:07:53,116
It was "Shred Taylor."
"Shred Taylor Half-pipe."
193
00:07:53,203 --> 00:07:54,552
"Shred Taylor Frozen Penis."
194
00:07:54,552 --> 00:07:55,770
You totally have a thing for him.
195
00:07:55,795 --> 00:07:57,033
No!
196
00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:58,643
We've just been carpooling a lot and...
197
00:07:58,643 --> 00:08:00,254
and we like the same cheesy music,
198
00:08:00,254 --> 00:08:02,865
and I would never act on it,
but, like... yeah.
199
00:08:02,865 --> 00:08:04,083
I looked him up and it turns out,
200
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:05,868
when he was injured on the slopes,
201
00:08:05,868 --> 00:08:09,437
his, um... extremities
were impacted by the cold.
202
00:08:09,437 --> 00:08:11,917
It's, like, a real-life
condition that affects Sherpas
203
00:08:11,942 --> 00:08:15,358
and ice fisherman and snowboarders.
204
00:08:15,383 --> 00:08:16,788
Well...
205
00:08:16,922 --> 00:08:18,256
Well what?
206
00:08:18,616 --> 00:08:19,838
Does it work?
207
00:08:19,838 --> 00:08:21,100
Okay. Dolores...
208
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,102
None of the articles
say anything about that
209
00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:25,714
which is crazy 'cause it's
all anyone wants to know.
210
00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:28,064
It's probably fine but you
should stop researching it,
211
00:08:28,064 --> 00:08:29,848
it's just gonna make your crush worse.
212
00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,198
I don't want it to be fine.
213
00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:32,758
That's the whole thing,
if it's... if it's broken
214
00:08:32,783 --> 00:08:34,045
or if it's, like, at a weird angle,
215
00:08:34,070 --> 00:08:35,071
or if it's just, like, straight-up gone
216
00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:37,751
then I can just let this go.
217
00:08:38,859 --> 00:08:41,209
I'll go get my laptop.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
218
00:08:41,686 --> 00:08:44,559
- This is gonna be so much fun!
- Oh, boy.
219
00:08:47,692 --> 00:08:49,172
Oh crap, it's still on.
220
00:08:49,172 --> 00:08:50,475
What?
221
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,872
Maya hired a photographer
to shoot our Christmas card tonight.
222
00:08:53,959 --> 00:08:54,960
And I've got boobs.
223
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,701
Oh, no you don't.
224
00:08:56,701 --> 00:08:58,529
I was gonna lose 10 pounds
before the shoot.
225
00:08:58,529 --> 00:09:00,575
But then you know what happened?
I didn't.
226
00:09:00,575 --> 00:09:04,143
She got matching white satin
shirts for the whole family.
227
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:05,667
White satin, Victoria.
228
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:07,712
Your wife's insane. Postpone it.
229
00:09:07,712 --> 00:09:09,714
I think it's weird to be doing
it this early anyway.
230
00:09:09,714 --> 00:09:11,890
It's a competition thing
with her sister.
231
00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:13,152
And we're never gonna win.
232
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:14,893
They're a much more attractive family.
233
00:09:14,893 --> 00:09:16,967
Oh yeah, you showed me a photo.
They're gorgeous.
234
00:09:16,992 --> 00:09:18,044
Hey!
235
00:09:19,094 --> 00:09:21,792
Anyone wanna volunteer for
my vaccination clinic Saturday?
236
00:09:21,817 --> 00:09:23,601
- Oh, I would love that.
- Yeah, I would love to.
237
00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:24,965
- That sounds great!
- Yes! Absolutely.
238
00:09:24,990 --> 00:09:26,383
Great, thanks.
239
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:28,864
My post-doc resident, Serge,
will be covering for me.
240
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:30,996
- Ooh...
- Did you say this Saturday?
241
00:09:31,021 --> 00:09:32,893
Ooh, I've got a kid's soccer
game actually.
242
00:09:32,918 --> 00:09:34,006
Actually, I'm free.
243
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:35,305
Really?
244
00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:36,654
Yeah. Totally.
245
00:09:36,654 --> 00:09:38,131
You're my hero.
246
00:09:39,703 --> 00:09:41,009
You know what, I can do it.
247
00:09:41,034 --> 00:09:43,070
I have experience.
I can move some stuff around.
248
00:09:43,095 --> 00:09:44,314
Now you're my hero.
249
00:09:44,314 --> 00:09:46,838
No. It's about the dogs, not about me.
250
00:09:46,838 --> 00:09:47,926
Aww.
251
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:50,475
You bought that?
252
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:53,516
You just gave up your Saturday
and you still have no shot.
253
00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:56,021
I'm sorry. Did you get an "aww"
from the Hot Vet?
254
00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:57,501
Are you her hero?
255
00:09:58,745 --> 00:09:59,870
Oh, and Frank...
256
00:10:00,983 --> 00:10:02,550
I heard what you did to Templeton,
257
00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:04,334
and I shouldn't admit this,
but hilarious.
258
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:06,472
Thanks.
259
00:10:07,424 --> 00:10:11,341
You know, it's rare when a hero
is also so funny.
260
00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,690
Am I right?
261
00:10:13,108 --> 00:10:14,232
I don't think it was that funny.
262
00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:17,129
Oh, shoot. False alarm.
263
00:10:19,088 --> 00:10:20,420
You got me.
264
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:23,139
I can't stop thinking about that kid.
265
00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,354
What kid?
266
00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:25,834
The kid that's gonna come home,
267
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,227
find his favorite stuffed animal
blown to smithereens,
268
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,968
lying headless in the driveway.
269
00:10:29,993 --> 00:10:31,231
That kid.
270
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,424
Look... I'm in a good mood.
271
00:10:32,449 --> 00:10:33,842
Why are you trying to bring me down?
272
00:10:33,929 --> 00:10:35,844
It's just... maybe we should try
to replace it.
273
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,000
Okay. What the hell?
274
00:10:37,025 --> 00:10:38,263
After lunch we'll stop by a toy store.
275
00:10:38,288 --> 00:10:39,761
- Nice.
- You happy?
276
00:10:39,761 --> 00:10:40,762
- Yes.
- Alright.
277
00:10:42,154 --> 00:10:44,156
Whoa. This day just keeps
getting better.
278
00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:46,681
You have her under "Hot Vet"?
279
00:10:46,681 --> 00:10:47,943
Yeah, I can't believe she's texting me.
280
00:10:47,943 --> 00:10:49,858
Okay, I gotta... I gotta focus.
281
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:56,318
What are you gonna say?
282
00:10:56,343 --> 00:10:57,605
I don't know.
283
00:10:57,605 --> 00:10:59,897
I wanna engage
without coming on too strong.
284
00:11:03,219 --> 00:11:05,221
Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
285
00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:08,485
What do you think of this?
286
00:11:10,966 --> 00:11:12,141
You nailed it.
287
00:11:12,141 --> 00:11:13,316
Send.
288
00:11:14,622 --> 00:11:16,972
Ha, ha! Bingo!
289
00:11:16,972 --> 00:11:18,321
He's on the hook.
290
00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:19,434
What'd he say?
291
00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:20,628
Just "hey".
292
00:11:20,628 --> 00:11:22,456
He's trying to play it down
like it's no big deal
293
00:11:22,456 --> 00:11:25,241
but I know that he's as giddy
as a little school girl.
294
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,503
What are we gonna text him?
295
00:11:26,528 --> 00:11:29,208
No, nothing yet. I'm gonna
make him sweat. But thank you.
296
00:11:29,233 --> 00:11:30,234
Yes.
297
00:11:30,259 --> 00:11:31,869
...By the way. This was a genius idea.
298
00:11:31,894 --> 00:11:33,267
My wife does it all the time.
299
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:36,078
I'll leave my phone somewhere
and when she calls me,
300
00:11:36,078 --> 00:11:38,428
her name comes up as "suburban
sex goddess" or "spicy mama".
301
00:11:39,777 --> 00:11:40,996
Or "need almond milk".
302
00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:42,104
That one's just when she needs
almond milk.
303
00:11:42,129 --> 00:11:43,130
- No, I... I got that.
- Yeah.
304
00:11:43,155 --> 00:11:44,303
Anything?
305
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,663
Nothing. Total silence.
306
00:11:47,657 --> 00:11:49,196
Three dots and a bubble, here we go!
307
00:11:49,221 --> 00:11:51,180
So, she's crafting her words carefully.
308
00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:53,138
- Oh, hell yeah.
- Come on.
309
00:11:53,225 --> 00:11:56,925
Okay, how does this sound?
My thing got cancelled.
310
00:11:57,012 --> 00:11:59,231
"...so, you'll be stuck with me
all day Saturday."
311
00:11:59,231 --> 00:12:00,358
Yes!
312
00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:03,108
Dude, have some champagne
chilled in the truck, just in case.
313
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:05,343
Right? It does feel officially
safe to get cocky.
314
00:12:05,368 --> 00:12:06,891
Yes.
315
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,658
Okay, there's gotta be something.
316
00:12:15,683 --> 00:12:16,988
Do you have anything?
317
00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:19,189
Zero. And some of the websites
I stumbled onto
318
00:12:19,214 --> 00:12:20,706
were not what I was thinking
319
00:12:20,731 --> 00:12:22,447
and I'm scared there's gonna be
a knock on my door.
320
00:12:22,472 --> 00:12:23,691
Okay, this is maddening.
321
00:12:23,691 --> 00:12:26,041
I cannot be the only person
in the universe
322
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:28,696
who wants to know the condition
of Shred Taylor's penis.
323
00:12:28,696 --> 00:12:31,568
Alright. I'm gonna use Patel's
computer and hit the dark web.
324
00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,422
None of these are big enough.
325
00:12:36,447 --> 00:12:39,682
Okay. She just said, "is it
weird I'm texting you?
326
00:12:39,707 --> 00:12:41,491
"You know, since we're coworkers".
327
00:12:41,491 --> 00:12:44,363
Well, that's a good point, you know,
'cause it could get awkward.
328
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,148
Are you sure you wanna take it there?
329
00:12:46,148 --> 00:12:48,920
I would take a lifetime of awkward
just to spend one night with her.
330
00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:50,003
So, what do you think of this?
331
00:12:51,066 --> 00:12:53,155
Maybe a little.
332
00:12:53,155 --> 00:12:55,549
No. Don't say that.
You're gonna get in her head.
333
00:12:55,549 --> 00:12:56,598
Exactly. Keep her off balance.
334
00:12:56,623 --> 00:12:57,812
Why would you wanna do that?
335
00:12:57,812 --> 00:12:59,509
This is a game of chess,
it's a battle of wits.
336
00:12:59,509 --> 00:13:01,293
No, it's more like a dance.
337
00:13:01,293 --> 00:13:04,427
And I'm not saying that just 'cause
I don't know how to play chess.
338
00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:07,386
Hold her hand.
See where the music takes you.
339
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,432
I haven't been on a date in five months
340
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:11,173
so I'm not letting you get in my head.
341
00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:13,131
I'm sticking with chess. I'm sending it.
342
00:13:13,218 --> 00:13:15,177
Fine.
343
00:13:15,177 --> 00:13:18,441
But we're wasting our time. I know
where to get a giant stuffed animal.
344
00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:20,051
Wait. They have really good
puzzles here.
345
00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:23,359
"Maybe a little."
346
00:13:23,359 --> 00:13:25,100
What a jerk. Who even says that?
347
00:13:26,231 --> 00:13:27,842
Are you listening to me?
348
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:30,671
I'm spinning out about
this damn Christmas card.
349
00:13:30,758 --> 00:13:32,977
I'm gonna be on refrigerators
all over Seattle.
350
00:13:32,977 --> 00:13:34,936
A diet inspiration for pudgy,
middle-aged men.
351
00:13:34,936 --> 00:13:36,894
I just find it hilarious
that mister slobbering
352
00:13:36,894 --> 00:13:40,028
all over himself is suddenly
mister self-control.
353
00:13:40,115 --> 00:13:41,420
He takes, like, 10 minutes
354
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,422
to craft each of his three-word replies.
355
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:45,294
I'm gonna be a white satin
man boob reminder
356
00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:47,097
to put down the ice cream.
357
00:13:47,122 --> 00:13:49,428
I wanna help my community, yeah,
but not like that.
358
00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:51,709
I'm gonna tell him I had a dream
about him last night.
359
00:13:51,996 --> 00:13:53,998
No, that's mean. Don't do that.
360
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,671
Too mean or good mean?
361
00:13:55,696 --> 00:13:57,001
You know what I think?
362
00:13:57,001 --> 00:13:58,263
What do you think?
363
00:13:58,350 --> 00:13:59,569
I don't think you're getting
off on the cruelty of the prank,
364
00:13:59,569 --> 00:14:01,919
I think you're just getting off.
365
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:02,944
What?
366
00:14:02,969 --> 00:14:05,202
Yeah. I think you like the flirtation.
367
00:14:05,227 --> 00:14:06,271
I think you like him.
368
00:14:06,296 --> 00:14:07,472
Frank? That's crazy.
369
00:14:07,497 --> 00:14:09,324
Okay, then why... why are you blushing?
370
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,481
I'm not blushing.
371
00:14:10,506 --> 00:14:12,252
I'm emotionally tormenting
someone because it's fun.
372
00:14:12,277 --> 00:14:13,452
Mmhmm.
373
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,566
I've got my flaws and I'm fine with it.
374
00:14:15,591 --> 00:14:17,257
At least your flaws are on the inside.
375
00:14:17,282 --> 00:14:18,501
Right?
376
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:19,614
Truck eight. Please respond.
377
00:14:19,639 --> 00:14:21,641
Kangaroo escaped from the Seattle Zoo.
378
00:14:21,666 --> 00:14:24,998
Zookeeper is requesting back-up.
101 East Webster.
379
00:14:25,508 --> 00:14:27,031
Truck eight responding.
380
00:14:27,641 --> 00:14:29,033
Okay. I'm gonna need you to focus.
381
00:14:29,033 --> 00:14:31,035
Okay. I'm bringing out the big guns.
382
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:33,168
I'm gonna blow his horny little mind.
383
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,433
Come on... no service?
384
00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:39,740
What is it, the bumper cars
are interfering?
385
00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:42,177
Will you please knock these down
so we can get outta here.
386
00:14:42,177 --> 00:14:43,639
I'm trying, Frank.
387
00:14:45,815 --> 00:14:47,469
What is going on?
I thought you were an athlete.
388
00:14:47,494 --> 00:14:49,672
Yeah, in a leg-based sport.
This is, like, an arm sport.
389
00:14:49,697 --> 00:14:51,046
There's wrist stuff...
390
00:14:51,213 --> 00:14:53,366
I gotta get back into cell service.
391
00:14:53,449 --> 00:14:55,233
See? It's not so easy.
392
00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:56,495
Excuse me. Sir?
393
00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:58,323
How much for that huge lion
on the top row?
394
00:14:58,348 --> 00:14:59,480
Prizes are not for sale.
395
00:14:59,505 --> 00:15:02,197
Look at that, Shred.
We found the one carny with scruples.
396
00:15:02,197 --> 00:15:03,459
Can you believe it?
397
00:15:03,459 --> 00:15:04,477
We can... we can earn it.
398
00:15:04,502 --> 00:15:06,461
Okay. Well, how about... now?
399
00:15:08,934 --> 00:15:11,110
That might get you something
from the second row.
400
00:15:11,135 --> 00:15:12,374
Like a little badger.
401
00:15:12,399 --> 00:15:13,520
But are you serious?
402
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:15,732
We need the lion, Frank.
403
00:15:15,732 --> 00:15:17,255
How much for something from the top row?
404
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:19,717
Three badgers.
405
00:15:20,627 --> 00:15:22,019
There's a cash machine
by the funnel cakes.
406
00:15:22,083 --> 00:15:23,280
Two and a half badgers!
407
00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:24,523
This is extortion.
408
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,613
This was a very reasonable bribe.
409
00:15:27,352 --> 00:15:28,527
Excuse me, guys, sorry.
410
00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:30,312
Excuse me, coming through guys.
Thank you.
411
00:15:30,588 --> 00:15:33,010
Officer Patel, This is Officer Sands.
What's the situation?
412
00:15:33,010 --> 00:15:36,579
Jumping Jack. Second time he's escaped.
413
00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:38,040
Anyway, we got him trapped.
414
00:15:38,065 --> 00:15:39,110
What do you need from us?
415
00:15:39,135 --> 00:15:40,288
Not much.
416
00:15:40,313 --> 00:15:42,299
Just stay here and help keep
away the looky-loos.
417
00:15:42,324 --> 00:15:43,325
- Hmm.
- 'Kay.
418
00:15:43,325 --> 00:15:44,718
Alright, Jack.
419
00:15:44,718 --> 00:15:46,328
Don't you need, like, a net
or something?
420
00:15:46,328 --> 00:15:48,467
No, just grab him by the tail.
421
00:15:48,492 --> 00:15:49,493
Sure.
422
00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:51,590
Alright, Jack. Vacation's over, buddy.
423
00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:52,834
Okay. Whoa!
424
00:15:53,248 --> 00:15:54,510
Um...
425
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:55,859
What... what should we do?
426
00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:59,123
Stand your ground.
We'll sneak up from behind.
427
00:15:59,123 --> 00:16:00,944
Ooh... hey mate.
428
00:16:00,969 --> 00:16:02,119
Just like this?
429
00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:04,190
G'day. Hello.
430
00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:05,390
What's he doing?
431
00:16:07,784 --> 00:16:10,700
Don't mess with me, kangaroo.
I boxed Golden Gloves.
432
00:16:11,788 --> 00:16:13,311
He's got a crazy look in his eye.
433
00:16:13,311 --> 00:16:14,356
Keep him engaged.
434
00:16:14,381 --> 00:16:16,296
Roger. I'll amp up the trash talk.
435
00:16:16,321 --> 00:16:18,279
What do you weigh, 140? Huh?
436
00:16:18,316 --> 00:16:21,015
Welterweight's got nothing on me, Jack.
I'm 160.
437
00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:23,713
Wouldn't telling him
your real weight be scarier?
438
00:16:23,713 --> 00:16:25,936
Don't press on my insecurities!
439
00:16:25,961 --> 00:16:27,605
He doesn't seem afraid of you.
440
00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:30,502
Oh yeah? You ready to go? Huh?
441
00:16:30,502 --> 00:16:31,503
'Cause I'm ready to go.
442
00:16:32,679 --> 00:16:33,723
Oh!
443
00:16:33,723 --> 00:16:36,900
That's gotta hurt, yeah. You okay?
444
00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:39,729
Keep it up, just a little longer.
445
00:16:39,729 --> 00:16:40,809
Is that all you got?
446
00:16:44,299 --> 00:16:47,139
Oh, mate. Ow, yeah. Down you go.
447
00:16:47,563 --> 00:16:49,608
Okay. We got him!
448
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,498
- Good work, officer.
- See ya, mate.
449
00:16:52,176 --> 00:16:53,326
See ya.
450
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,504
How you doing down there?
Yeah? You a bit winded?
451
00:16:57,654 --> 00:16:59,889
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
452
00:17:00,663 --> 00:17:02,479
Oh! Finally, a signal. Three bars.
453
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:06,234
She... she wants me to come over tonight
454
00:17:06,321 --> 00:17:08,715
for a quote unquote drink.
455
00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:12,240
Holy moly! The Hot Vet and me!
456
00:17:12,327 --> 00:17:14,024
Knight to queen four!
457
00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:16,840
- What?
- It's chess!
458
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,297
I can't believe I got my
ass kicked by a kangaroo.
459
00:17:26,297 --> 00:17:27,429
Hmm.
460
00:17:28,461 --> 00:17:30,537
Ooh! Mrs. Claus is texting you.
461
00:17:30,562 --> 00:17:33,319
Crap. I forgot about the photo shoot.
462
00:17:34,481 --> 00:17:37,528
Which I no longer have to do.
463
00:17:37,553 --> 00:17:40,572
Maya's not gonna want a Christmas card
with this hideous face on it.
464
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,361
Everything's coming up Patel.
465
00:18:11,821 --> 00:18:13,431
Uh... by any chance
466
00:18:13,431 --> 00:18:16,434
are you someone we work with's roommate?
467
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:17,895
The Hot Vet just doesn't seem
like the type
468
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,134
to do something like this.
469
00:18:20,134 --> 00:18:21,831
Collette, Frank. Her name is Collette.
470
00:18:21,831 --> 00:18:25,052
Collette the vet? That's unfortunate.
471
00:18:25,052 --> 00:18:27,131
This is ridiculous.
I'm just gonna call her.
472
00:18:29,923 --> 00:18:31,142
Yes.
473
00:18:32,686 --> 00:18:34,035
Hello.
474
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:36,386
Victoria? What are you doing
with Hot Vet's phone?
475
00:18:36,411 --> 00:18:38,514
You tell me.
You're the expert on pranks.
476
00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:40,694
Oh, my God, it was you?
477
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,852
Sometimes the children of the light
478
00:18:42,852 --> 00:18:45,855
need to use the methods
of the children of darkness.
479
00:18:45,855 --> 00:18:47,291
The whole time?
480
00:18:47,291 --> 00:18:48,336
How does it feel?
481
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,579
Bad. It feels really bad.
482
00:18:49,604 --> 00:18:50,694
Yeah.
483
00:18:50,719 --> 00:18:52,315
But I gotta say, I'm a little impressed.
484
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:55,169
If I were wearing a cap,
I would tip it to you.
485
00:18:55,169 --> 00:18:58,358
Oh, I would love that.
But did you learn anything?
486
00:18:58,383 --> 00:19:00,914
Yes. That I can dish it out
but I absolutely can't take it.
487
00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:02,350
So, will you stop pranking
people so much?
488
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:06,180
No. But I will be more vigilant
about not getting gotten myself.
489
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:09,705
And, I don't know when,
it may take years...
490
00:19:09,705 --> 00:19:10,749
but I will retaliate.
491
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:12,889
- Can't wait.
- Goodnight Victoria.
492
00:19:13,448 --> 00:19:16,096
Sucka lucka.
493
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:17,383
I'm sorry, Delores,
494
00:19:17,408 --> 00:19:20,977
that you became a pawn
in Victoria's sick game.
495
00:19:21,002 --> 00:19:23,702
Leave the bottle of wine
and we'll call it even.
496
00:19:24,227 --> 00:19:25,272
I don't know.
497
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:27,603
I had high hopes for this
evening and I splurged.
498
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:29,029
Okay, what about one glass?
499
00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:31,640
That seems fair.
500
00:19:33,903 --> 00:19:35,209
I gotta say,
501
00:19:35,209 --> 00:19:38,995
you are being very
not horrible about all this.
502
00:19:40,736 --> 00:19:42,781
Hey, can I ask you something?
503
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:45,610
Has Shred ever mentioned
an unusual sports injury?
504
00:19:45,697 --> 00:19:46,916
Oh, you read about
the frozen penis thing
505
00:19:46,916 --> 00:19:48,031
and wanna know if it still works?
506
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,231
There's been some discussion.
507
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:53,357
Oh, I've asked him. And it's... a-okay.
508
00:19:53,357 --> 00:19:55,778
And I've seen it. In the restroom.
509
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:58,806
It's, and I don't know
how else to describe it...
510
00:19:59,755 --> 00:20:02,149
Gorgeous. It's pristine.
511
00:20:02,149 --> 00:20:03,715
Like a renaissance artist sculpted it
512
00:20:03,715 --> 00:20:05,979
and then killed himself 'cause
he could do no finer work.
513
00:20:05,979 --> 00:20:07,719
God, that guy just glides through life.
514
00:20:07,719 --> 00:20:09,417
The universe is truly garbage.
515
00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:13,912
Would it be unpleasant if I
joined you for a glass?
516
00:20:14,335 --> 00:20:15,727
It would not be unpleasant.
517
00:20:16,641 --> 00:20:18,513
As long as you properly recycle
that bottle.
518
00:20:19,296 --> 00:20:20,645
Did you just make a joke?
519
00:20:21,865 --> 00:20:23,163
Maybe.
520
00:20:24,736 --> 00:20:26,782
I hope the kid likes it.
521
00:20:26,782 --> 00:20:28,305
This is really nice of you.
522
00:20:28,305 --> 00:20:30,394
No... it's not that big a deal.
523
00:20:30,394 --> 00:20:32,339
Oh.
524
00:20:35,053 --> 00:20:36,462
No...
525
00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:37,662
Okay buddy.
526
00:20:37,687 --> 00:20:39,207
Are you kidding?
527
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,829
You ready to go? You alright?
528
00:20:42,854 --> 00:20:44,856
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Okay.
529
00:20:46,584 --> 00:20:47,977
- Whoa!
- What?
530
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:49,109
Down the street.
531
00:20:51,894 --> 00:20:52,895
Wow.
532
00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:59,641
Frank was right. It is majestic.
533
00:20:59,641 --> 00:21:01,686
It's beautiful.
534
00:21:02,774 --> 00:21:05,212
Um... but also super dangerous
535
00:21:05,212 --> 00:21:07,736
so maybe we should get back
in the car and report it.
536
00:21:07,736 --> 00:21:09,433
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
537
00:21:09,433 --> 00:21:10,957
- We should be fast.
- Oh, my God.
538
00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:14,176
To all units...
539
00:21:14,201 --> 00:21:17,595
two off-duty officers report
a cougar at 425 Knoll Drive.
540
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:21,924
Officer Dutch responding.
I am instructing the reporting officers
541
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:24,299
to take their fake cougar
and shove it up their...
542
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:27,582
Over.
543
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,022
No one can know about this.
544
00:21:33,022 --> 00:21:34,676
Obviously.
545
00:21:34,676 --> 00:21:37,026
This was like a one...
one-and-a-half time thing.
546
00:21:37,026 --> 00:21:38,419
Obviously.
547
00:21:38,461 --> 00:21:42,461
- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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