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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:16,743 To the left. 2 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,867 Breathe. 3 00:01:26,796 --> 00:01:28,623 Open your chest. 4 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,640 Again. 5 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,317 - Here you go, boss. - Thanks. 6 00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:04,871 - Hi. - I couldn't get a sitter. 7 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:07,124 It's okay. Go get a mat. 8 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:12,088 Hi. Hi. Hi. You wanna do yoga? 9 00:02:14,636 --> 00:02:16,794 A thousand dollars for dirt? 10 00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:19,932 Since when does dirt cost a thousand dollars? 11 00:02:20,059 --> 00:02:21,601 "Dirt cheap" is an expression, Mrs Griffith. 12 00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:23,968 It doesn't apply to a city built on a desert. 13 00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:30,849 Here you go. You sit right there. 14 00:02:41,163 --> 00:02:43,203 - Thank you. - Thank you. 15 00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:50,037 Hey, where do you think you're going? 16 00:03:41,265 --> 00:03:44,184 Mama was queen of the mambo Papa was king of the Congo 17 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:47,395 Deep down in the jungle I started bangin' my first bongo 18 00:03:47,522 --> 00:03:49,064 - Every monkey like... - Hello. 19 00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:52,227 - He's really doing it. - Who's doing what? 20 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,397 Kevin. He's leaving me. 21 00:03:55,530 --> 00:03:59,363 - Where are you? - I'm cowering behind a flowerpot... 22 00:03:59,493 --> 00:04:01,117 in my courtyard. 23 00:04:01,245 --> 00:04:05,028 - How do I stop him? - Don't, don't, don't stop him. Just let him go, Abbie. 24 00:04:05,165 --> 00:04:08,415 - My hands are shaking. - Listen, I thought you were supposed to be a yoga teacher. 25 00:04:08,543 --> 00:04:11,497 Just pull yourself up by your chakras and do exactly what I say. 26 00:04:11,629 --> 00:04:14,251 Now, in my opinion, the best defence is a good pretence... 27 00:04:14,383 --> 00:04:16,210 so just pretend you're going out. 28 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,834 Just get all dressed up in your Sunday best and leave. 29 00:04:18,971 --> 00:04:21,924 - And then what? - Rush over to my house and tell me all about it. 30 00:04:26,228 --> 00:04:28,980 - Did I come at a bad time? - Oh, no, I'm used to it, Kevin. 31 00:04:29,106 --> 00:04:33,815 - You always come before I'm ready. - I'll come back for the rest of my stuff later. 32 00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:37,360 No, let's just get this over with. Holler if you need any help. 33 00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:53,246 - It's not gonna work this time. - What's not gonna work? 34 00:04:53,381 --> 00:04:54,958 Your fantastic body. 35 00:04:56,342 --> 00:04:58,382 Then you won't mind doing up my dress. 36 00:05:18,114 --> 00:05:20,865 - You don't have to stop. - Yes, I do. 37 00:05:22,077 --> 00:05:24,282 If I don't, it'll start all over again... 38 00:05:24,412 --> 00:05:26,451 and then it'll end all over again. 39 00:05:32,837 --> 00:05:35,459 Don't you think there's a chance we can still work this out? 40 00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:38,425 Look, it's not you, okay? It's me. I mean, you're... you're... you're great. 41 00:05:38,551 --> 00:05:40,876 You know, you're... you're smart, you're... you're... you're beautiful... 42 00:05:41,012 --> 00:05:42,755 you're a good cook and you are a great lay. 43 00:05:42,889 --> 00:05:45,641 I'm just... I'm just not ready, all right? I... I'm... I'm not there yet. 44 00:05:45,767 --> 00:05:49,219 - Well, where is "there", Kevin? - Commitment-wise. You're way too much for me right now. 45 00:05:49,353 --> 00:05:50,932 Wait a minute. 46 00:05:51,063 --> 00:05:54,646 Are you saying that if I had less to offer you, you'd have more of a future together? 47 00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,733 Okay. You want the truth? 48 00:05:56,861 --> 00:05:58,901 I... I wanna date less complicated women. 49 00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:01,652 - What? - I wanna come home and we'd go out to dinner... 50 00:06:01,783 --> 00:06:05,069 and people come over and talk to me, and she smiles and she nods, okay? 51 00:06:05,203 --> 00:06:06,947 And then we go home and we do it... 52 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,120 and she doesn't instruct me like an air traffic controller. 53 00:06:09,249 --> 00:06:11,574 - I do not instruct you. - And in the morning, she understands... 54 00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:16,585 that she's got to leave quickly, so I can get on with the rest of my day and I don't have to think about it. 55 00:06:16,715 --> 00:06:18,339 Okay? That's what I want right now. Simplicity. 56 00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:22,714 No, what you want is a bimbo, and that's exactly what you deserve. 57 00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:27,259 - Robert was so right about you. - Do you think I give a shit what that faggot thinks about me? 58 00:06:27,393 --> 00:06:29,883 Wait a minute. Kevin. 59 00:06:30,813 --> 00:06:33,730 - Please don't leave me like this. - Look, I don't love you. 60 00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:37,143 It's over. 61 00:06:48,747 --> 00:06:51,203 They say that falling in love... 62 00:06:51,334 --> 00:06:53,575 I am the only one who's seen both. 63 00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:55,205 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. 64 00:06:55,337 --> 00:06:59,632 Ethel is and always will be the definitive Annie... 65 00:06:59,759 --> 00:07:03,756 and that bottle-blonde upstart cannot hold a six-shooter to Merman. 66 00:07:03,887 --> 00:07:05,595 It's true. True! 67 00:07:05,723 --> 00:07:08,759 - Okay, so, uh, one heart. - Are you bidding? Thank you. Pass. 68 00:07:08,893 --> 00:07:13,306 - Four clubs. - Four diamonds, and I don't mean rhinestones. 69 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:18,232 Oh, good. Robert's arrived. Now we can settle this Annie Get Your Gun controversy once and for all. 70 00:07:18,361 --> 00:07:21,730 - Robert, Merman or Hutton? Who reigns? - I have no idea, you guys. 71 00:07:21,865 --> 00:07:24,022 I'm afraid I flunked on gay history. 72 00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:26,234 - Pity, Robbie, pity. - Take a tutorial. 73 00:07:26,369 --> 00:07:29,073 - Silly boys. - Let's move on, shall we? I pass. 74 00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:33,708 Come on. 75 00:07:34,502 --> 00:07:36,459 I told you there'd be tears before bedtime. 76 00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:39,125 - Another two years down the drain. - Listen, Abbie. 77 00:07:39,257 --> 00:07:42,211 You settled for less, you got less. That's it. That's the end of the story. 78 00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:45,794 Full stop. Now, if I were you, and I practically am... 79 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:50,427 I'd turn my little red wagon around and I'd get off that dead-end street pronto. 80 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,431 I feel like Kevin was my last chance for a normal life. 81 00:07:54,689 --> 00:07:57,856 - Now you're really scaring me. - Robert, look at me. 82 00:07:57,984 --> 00:08:01,400 - I'm not 24 any more. - You're not even 34 any more. So what? 83 00:08:01,529 --> 00:08:04,483 Maybe I'd like to have a family at some point... 84 00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:05,991 before it's too late. 85 00:08:06,117 --> 00:08:09,320 Abbie, I think you should sort things out with your own wacky family... 86 00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:12,704 before you think about creating a dysfunctional carbon copy of your own. 87 00:08:12,832 --> 00:08:16,451 -Oh, thank you. I knew you'd understand. -If you want to have a kid, just go ahead and have one. 88 00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:19,421 - With what man? - You don't need to have a man to have a child. 89 00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:20,959 This is the 21 st century. 90 00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:23,796 Just go out and buy yourself some nice, frozen Ivy League sperm... 91 00:08:23,927 --> 00:08:26,632 swish it around in a test tube and bottoms up. 92 00:08:26,763 --> 00:08:28,803 I don't wanna have a baby that way. 93 00:08:29,599 --> 00:08:31,639 Well, then go to China and buy one. 94 00:08:33,604 --> 00:08:35,846 I wanna have a baby with someone I love... 95 00:08:35,981 --> 00:08:40,192 and I'm never gonna meet anybody, and pretty soon it's just gonna be another thing I didn't do. 96 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,442 Listen, darling, if this evening's gonna turn into a pity party... 97 00:08:42,571 --> 00:08:45,489 I'm gonna go up to the big house and sing Annie Get Your Gun with the others. 98 00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:47,656 Can't I just be sad? 99 00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:50,867 Can't you just humour me? 100 00:08:53,415 --> 00:08:55,491 Oh, all right. 101 00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:01,420 Well, actually, not all right. 102 00:09:01,549 --> 00:09:05,878 I can't commiserate with you. Not about breaking up with that asshole Kevin. 103 00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:09,345 It just makes me too angry. Abbie... 104 00:09:09,474 --> 00:09:11,964 you are the most beautiful woman I know. 105 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,178 And I think more highly of you than you do of yourself. 106 00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:21,229 - What is it with straight guys in L.A.? - There aren't any. 107 00:09:22,612 --> 00:09:25,185 I can't imagine any man letting you slip through his fingers. Really. 108 00:09:27,450 --> 00:09:29,775 You're the only woman in the world that I would like to... 109 00:09:31,162 --> 00:09:33,155 be. 110 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:35,328 - Ow! - Thanks. 111 00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:39,495 Anyway, let's drink to never having to see that loser again... 112 00:09:39,629 --> 00:09:41,456 or talk about him! 113 00:09:41,590 --> 00:09:43,250 I have to. 114 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,218 Might as well just go to the studio now and get it over with. 115 00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:47,672 Why? 116 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,963 Because he still has my house keys. 117 00:09:50,098 --> 00:09:53,681 Are you going to sacrifice your last shred of self-respect for a set of keys? 118 00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:58,016 - I think so. - That is tragic. 119 00:09:58,148 --> 00:10:01,647 This is how much I care. I'll handle this. 120 00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,283 This here. 121 00:10:10,869 --> 00:10:14,534 - Turn the hi-hats down. - This is radio all day. Clubs. 122 00:10:14,664 --> 00:10:17,784 - Good stuff. I hear a single. - Keep the bass bumpin' like that, though. 123 00:10:18,961 --> 00:10:20,917 Get the bass goin'. 124 00:10:23,674 --> 00:10:25,382 - Keep the bottle head up. - More bass. Put more bass in. 125 00:10:25,509 --> 00:10:28,676 Hear that? Make you wanna grow a big-ass Afro, huh? 126 00:10:30,222 --> 00:10:32,215 - Hi, hi. - What the... 127 00:10:32,349 --> 00:10:33,630 Stop! 128 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,345 Robert, what the hell are you doing here? 129 00:10:35,477 --> 00:10:37,802 I haven't come here to argue. I just want the keys. 130 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,774 You know what I'm talking about. The house keys. Hand 'em over! 131 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,307 - I don't have your keys. - No more excuses, poopsie. 132 00:10:43,444 --> 00:10:45,021 Poopsie? 133 00:10:45,154 --> 00:10:46,981 I haven't got time for the pain. 134 00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,071 Hey, Kev, look like your bitch need a shave. 135 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,607 - Actually, I wax. - He's not my bitch, okay? 136 00:10:51,744 --> 00:10:55,243 - So what you sayin'? You the bitch, Kev? - I'm not anybody's bitch, all right? 137 00:10:55,372 --> 00:10:57,828 - Abbie put you up to this, didn't she? - Oh, A-Abbie... Abbie. 138 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,995 Is that what you're calling me this month to your chocolate-covered peanut gallery? 139 00:11:01,129 --> 00:11:03,750 - Yo Mama! - This is precisely why... 140 00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:05,541 I'm leaving him, everyone. 141 00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:08,130 This double life is tearing my roots apart. 142 00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:11,345 Just give me the keys, please, to Abbie's house. 143 00:11:11,472 --> 00:11:16,134 - Yeah, give this punk the keys, Kev. - You left a few things at home. 144 00:11:16,269 --> 00:11:17,893 - Toothbrush. Ha! - A toothbrush? 145 00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:21,852 - A girl's best friend: knee pads! - Knee pads! 146 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,818 - Nair. - Nair! - Kevin! 147 00:11:24,944 --> 00:11:27,649 Oh, one more thing. You forgot these. 148 00:11:27,780 --> 00:11:30,353 - Oh, man! - You slut! 149 00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,320 Want the keys? Huh? 150 00:11:34,621 --> 00:11:36,862 Get the hell outta here! 151 00:11:36,998 --> 00:11:39,204 Kev, those rubbers wasn't even lubricated, dog. 152 00:11:40,293 --> 00:11:42,369 Oh, look what you made happen, Kev. 153 00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:45,457 - You're not gonna even walk her to the car? - Oh, that's funny. 154 00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:47,629 Go suck it down, Kev! 155 00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:55,010 Come on. Hurry up. Get in the car. 156 00:11:56,393 --> 00:11:58,635 Yes! Hurry up! 157 00:11:58,770 --> 00:12:00,893 Won't stop Never underestimate us 158 00:12:01,022 --> 00:12:02,184 - Can't stop - Thanks, Mary. 159 00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:04,058 You're welcome, Muriel. 160 00:12:04,192 --> 00:12:06,315 - Never underestimate us - Drive! 161 00:12:07,362 --> 00:12:10,114 - Ooh! This is madness! - Can't stop 162 00:12:14,327 --> 00:12:15,869 I'm so glad you guys are here. 163 00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:19,199 If it weren't for you, I'd feel like I was crashing my own boyfriend's funeral. 164 00:12:23,712 --> 00:12:25,254 Who are the pallbearers? 165 00:12:25,381 --> 00:12:28,964 Ugh. A grab bag of Joe's relatives he couldn't relate to. 166 00:12:29,092 --> 00:12:33,173 Wouldn't participate in his life, but they'd drive across three states to attend his funeral. 167 00:12:33,305 --> 00:12:35,048 What's he wearing in there? 168 00:12:35,182 --> 00:12:38,266 I said his favourite jeans and a T-shirt. They said, "No, a suit." 169 00:12:38,394 --> 00:12:40,931 So I said, "Okay, fine. That black St Laurent double-breasted velvet suit." 170 00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:43,435 - He loved that suit. - I love that suit. - Oh, I love that suit. 171 00:12:43,566 --> 00:12:45,357 - "Too loud," they said. - A black suit? 172 00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:46,859 "Too gay" is what they meant. 173 00:12:46,986 --> 00:12:49,228 So now he's in one of his brother's old suits. 174 00:12:49,362 --> 00:12:50,774 Hugo Boss, I believe. 175 00:12:50,907 --> 00:12:52,449 Death in Boss. 176 00:12:53,492 --> 00:12:55,532 So the black velvet suit is still around? 177 00:12:56,704 --> 00:12:59,574 - Sorry. - I just wish I could have given him what he wanted. 178 00:12:59,706 --> 00:13:02,328 Joe wanted to be cremated... 179 00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:05,164 his ashes scattered to the wind in Joshua Tree with... 180 00:13:05,296 --> 00:13:09,376 Don McLean's "American Pie" playing really, really loud on a boom box. 181 00:13:09,509 --> 00:13:10,623 - Family said no. - Why? 182 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,084 - God. - Ask her. 183 00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:16,803 Lord God, bless this grave... 184 00:13:16,932 --> 00:13:18,676 and send your angel to watch over it. 185 00:13:18,809 --> 00:13:21,099 Joe did not want all this Gothic hocus-pocus. 186 00:13:21,229 --> 00:13:23,351 - Shh. - I feel like I'm in The Omen. 187 00:13:24,857 --> 00:13:28,772 There's always great sadness when we say goodbye to a loved one... 188 00:13:28,903 --> 00:13:31,524 especially one so beloved as Joseph... 189 00:13:31,655 --> 00:13:34,147 struck down in his prime by pneumonia. 190 00:13:34,284 --> 00:13:36,027 Pneumonia. Please. 191 00:13:36,161 --> 00:13:40,074 This is the hardest thing most of us will ever have to face... 192 00:13:40,206 --> 00:13:42,744 to stand at the grave of a loved one. 193 00:13:42,876 --> 00:13:45,663 Lord, welcome our brother to paradise... 194 00:13:45,795 --> 00:13:48,416 and may Your light shine on him. 195 00:13:48,548 --> 00:13:50,624 - Amen. - Amen. 196 00:13:53,970 --> 00:13:57,885 - I can't remember if I cried - Shh. 197 00:13:58,016 --> 00:14:01,468 When I read about his widowed bride 198 00:14:02,771 --> 00:14:07,563 But something touched me deep inside 199 00:14:07,692 --> 00:14:09,519 The day 200 00:14:09,653 --> 00:14:13,104 The music died 201 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:19,160 So, bye, bye 202 00:14:19,287 --> 00:14:21,613 Miss American Pie 203 00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:25,165 Drove my Chevy to the levee 204 00:14:25,294 --> 00:14:28,745 But the levee was dry 205 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,214 - Them good ol' boys were drinkin' - Goodbye,Joe. 206 00:14:32,342 --> 00:14:34,418 Whisky and rye 207 00:14:34,553 --> 00:14:40,473 Singin' this'll be the day that I die 208 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:44,219 This'll be the day that I die 209 00:14:45,981 --> 00:14:47,890 They were singin' 210 00:14:48,025 --> 00:14:52,023 Bye, bye, Miss American Pie 211 00:14:52,154 --> 00:14:54,360 Drove my Chevy to the levee 212 00:14:54,489 --> 00:14:57,063 But the levee was dry 213 00:14:57,201 --> 00:15:01,412 Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 214 00:15:01,538 --> 00:15:07,328 Singin' this'll be the day that I die 215 00:15:11,298 --> 00:15:13,172 When I die, I don't want to be buried... 216 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,673 and I don't want to be burned. 217 00:15:16,428 --> 00:15:20,047 Just cut me up and stuff me in this freezer... 218 00:15:20,182 --> 00:15:23,100 next to these frozen pizzas for the next hundred years. 219 00:15:26,939 --> 00:15:28,813 Robert? 220 00:15:28,942 --> 00:15:31,018 What? 221 00:15:31,152 --> 00:15:33,275 Hey. Robert. 222 00:15:34,989 --> 00:15:36,269 It's okay. 223 00:15:39,536 --> 00:15:41,777 - Please stay with me tonight. - Yeah. 224 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,872 Just six more spots to fill. 225 00:15:48,003 --> 00:15:50,493 Our fifth finalist, Miss Colombia! 226 00:15:52,883 --> 00:15:55,088 Is Miss Colombia clenching her jaw or what? 227 00:15:55,218 --> 00:15:57,376 She's totally wired on Fen-Phen. 228 00:15:58,262 --> 00:15:59,342 Hope she wins. 229 00:15:59,473 --> 00:16:01,928 Do you think they're all really popular and have boyfriends? 230 00:16:02,058 --> 00:16:03,221 Of course. 231 00:16:05,103 --> 00:16:08,803 Look at Miss Venezuela. She looks so happy. 232 00:16:10,942 --> 00:16:12,484 You crazy? 233 00:16:12,611 --> 00:16:15,861 She's got Vaseline on her teeth, her national costume is too tight... 234 00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:18,397 she's been smiling nonstop for the last two years... 235 00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:20,076 and her shoes are too small. 236 00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:22,241 She reminds me of myself on a date. 237 00:16:23,747 --> 00:16:26,665 - I can't imagine ever dating again. - Oh, shut up. 238 00:16:26,792 --> 00:16:28,748 'Course you can. Just think of it as a pageant. 239 00:16:30,378 --> 00:16:33,333 Yeah. Miss Hopeful. 240 00:16:33,466 --> 00:16:35,504 If you were to win tonight's contest... 241 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:39,003 what would be your first act as Miss Universe? 242 00:16:39,137 --> 00:16:43,135 Well, I would get down on my hands and knees... 243 00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:46,636 and I would promise to change everything about myself to please you. 244 00:16:48,481 --> 00:16:50,722 That doesn't work. I've tried it. 245 00:16:50,857 --> 00:16:53,064 I've been down on my hands and knees. 246 00:16:53,194 --> 00:16:55,270 Yes, well, I find that hard not to believe. 247 00:16:55,404 --> 00:16:58,025 Grovelling, that is, for love and affection. 248 00:17:01,034 --> 00:17:02,577 Do you still miss him? 249 00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:08,243 Well, I don't miss being first runner-up. 250 00:17:10,711 --> 00:17:12,206 Yeah, I miss him. 251 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,382 He was totally me. 252 00:17:21,222 --> 00:17:24,140 - Happy Independence Day. - Bottoms up. 253 00:17:24,266 --> 00:17:28,347 Turning the situation 'round a little more 254 00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:32,437 Making it look like things 255 00:17:32,567 --> 00:17:35,603 Are just fine 256 00:17:35,737 --> 00:17:39,236 - You can go your way - Ooh, lady. 257 00:17:41,576 --> 00:17:44,032 - Shudder to think... - You need to have your back waxed again. 258 00:17:46,455 --> 00:17:50,750 Touch in a place that makes it a love thing 259 00:17:52,379 --> 00:17:54,418 Straight to the face 260 00:17:55,256 --> 00:17:57,961 One-way love would be a miracle 261 00:17:58,092 --> 00:18:00,168 Touch in a place 262 00:18:00,303 --> 00:18:02,759 That makes it a love thing 263 00:18:03,807 --> 00:18:06,428 Straight to the face at any rate 264 00:18:06,559 --> 00:18:09,727 One-way love would be a miracle 265 00:18:11,148 --> 00:18:13,187 Touch in a place 266 00:18:18,613 --> 00:18:22,196 One-way love would be a miracle 267 00:18:27,915 --> 00:18:30,037 Dreamily passing by 268 00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:32,206 Words sort of come and go 269 00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:37,168 Come up here. 270 00:18:42,846 --> 00:18:46,049 - How long have they been together? - Oh, I don't know. Since the Ice Age. 271 00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:49,053 - Hmm? - Abbie, don't touch anything. 272 00:18:49,186 --> 00:18:51,642 These people are maniacs about their stuff. 273 00:18:51,772 --> 00:18:54,524 They seem so easygoing. 274 00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:57,354 Don't be fooled by the alcoholic haze they walk around in. 275 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,151 - Sorry. - You're a total liability. 276 00:19:06,370 --> 00:19:10,285 Flying Down To Eio, Top Hat... 277 00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:13,417 The Gay Divorcee, Swing Time. 278 00:19:13,544 --> 00:19:15,288 Nothing but '30s musicals. 279 00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:18,256 - They got stuck in the Depression. - So did I. 280 00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:22,509 Steppin' out with my baby 281 00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:25,803 I can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right 282 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:28,138 It's for sure not for maybe 283 00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:31,636 - That I'm all dressed up tonight - This'll sort her out. 284 00:19:32,646 --> 00:19:35,019 - Whatever it is you're doing, put it down. - Yes. 285 00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,063 Never felt quite so sunny 286 00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:41,068 And I keep on knockin' wood 287 00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:47,866 Where are you? 288 00:19:47,995 --> 00:19:51,411 - Ta-da! - Abbie, you are naughty. 289 00:19:51,541 --> 00:19:54,115 - I couldn't help it. - Ashby's gonna have a coronary. 290 00:19:54,252 --> 00:19:56,957 - You've got to be very careful. - Don't worry. I'll put it back. 291 00:19:57,922 --> 00:20:00,295 - Whose dress is this? - Ashby's. 292 00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:01,836 Ashby's? 293 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,294 No. Ashby, in his day, my darling... 294 00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:06,836 was one of the most important designers to ever throw a fit. 295 00:20:14,605 --> 00:20:16,017 Happy Fourth. 296 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,893 Steppin' out with my baby 297 00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:24,734 I can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right 298 00:20:24,866 --> 00:20:27,488 It's for sure and not for maybe 299 00:20:27,619 --> 00:20:30,026 That I'm all dressed up tonight 300 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:32,915 Steppin' out with my honey 301 00:20:33,042 --> 00:20:35,711 Can't be bad to feel so good 302 00:20:35,836 --> 00:20:38,291 I never felt quite so sunny 303 00:20:38,421 --> 00:20:40,747 And I keep on knockin' wood 304 00:20:40,883 --> 00:20:42,341 Whoo! 305 00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:46,218 Whoa! 306 00:20:51,352 --> 00:20:53,593 Oopsie! 307 00:21:00,110 --> 00:21:03,942 There'll be smooth sailing 'cause I'm trimmin' my sails 308 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:09,317 In my top hat and my white tie and my tails 309 00:21:10,996 --> 00:21:14,448 - Oh, steppin' out with my baby - Whoo! 310 00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:16,790 Can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right 311 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,671 Ask me when will the day be 312 00:21:19,797 --> 00:21:23,463 The big day maybe tonight 313 00:22:23,445 --> 00:22:24,820 Hi. 314 00:22:33,413 --> 00:22:34,741 Hi, um... 315 00:22:36,541 --> 00:22:40,206 - Is it my imagination, or... - I know. 316 00:22:40,337 --> 00:22:43,291 I wanted to call you and tell you all about it... 317 00:22:43,423 --> 00:22:45,463 but I know you're not at home. 318 00:22:49,054 --> 00:22:52,589 Well, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you. 319 00:22:55,811 --> 00:22:57,887 Oh, Christ. 320 00:23:02,318 --> 00:23:04,524 My God, it's half past 1:00! 321 00:23:04,654 --> 00:23:06,859 They'll be back any minute now. 322 00:23:06,989 --> 00:23:08,649 They're probably driving from the airport right now. 323 00:23:08,782 --> 00:23:12,068 Please, don't just lie there, Abbie. Do something! Help me get this place together! 324 00:23:14,789 --> 00:23:16,828 What are these shoes doing here? 325 00:23:19,752 --> 00:23:22,040 - I can't believe you let this happen. - Me? 326 00:23:22,171 --> 00:23:24,662 You make it sound like you were seduced. 327 00:23:24,799 --> 00:23:28,002 - I was the one that kept saying no. - You weren't saying "no." You were saying "now." 328 00:23:28,136 --> 00:23:31,836 - Ridiculous! - Anyway, you started it. You kissed me. 329 00:23:31,972 --> 00:23:33,467 I kiss you every day. We kiss all the time. 330 00:23:33,599 --> 00:23:37,098 Every time we see each other, we kiss. It's friendly. It's European. 331 00:23:38,271 --> 00:23:41,058 I don't think I've been to that country in Europe where the natives say hello... 332 00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:43,314 by sticking their tongue down your throat. 333 00:23:43,443 --> 00:23:45,815 Oh, so you haven't been to Italy recently, have you? 334 00:23:49,198 --> 00:23:51,238 We need to talk, Robert. 335 00:23:51,367 --> 00:23:54,701 No, Abbie, we need to get this place sorted out. Now will you help me with this couch, now! 336 00:23:59,125 --> 00:24:01,165 Something has happened. 337 00:24:02,628 --> 00:24:05,381 It's not every day of the week that I sleep with my best friend. 338 00:24:05,507 --> 00:24:09,967 Oh, thank God. Look. We were lonely as hell, and we had too much to drink. Full stop! 339 00:24:10,095 --> 00:24:13,012 Now, in half an hour, two of the most evil queens in Christendom... 340 00:24:13,139 --> 00:24:15,216 are coming back to find their overdecorated show palace... 341 00:24:15,350 --> 00:24:18,802 has been vandalized by their gardener and his plotting, nympho maniacal best friend! 342 00:24:22,483 --> 00:24:24,025 You're embarrassed, aren't you? 343 00:24:25,569 --> 00:24:28,486 "Embarrassed"? "Embarrassed" is the understatement of the year. 344 00:24:28,613 --> 00:24:30,772 Try catatonic! Try apoplectic! 345 00:24:32,867 --> 00:24:36,153 Why? Because you knocked over a few lamps? 346 00:24:36,287 --> 00:24:38,577 Or because you knocked over a few lamps with a woman? 347 00:24:38,707 --> 00:24:41,114 Can we please talk this to death a little later? 348 00:24:41,251 --> 00:24:45,379 - We can talk this to death a little never. - Abbie! Abbie, wait! 349 00:24:50,636 --> 00:24:52,046 Abbie, please! 350 00:24:52,179 --> 00:24:56,426 - I've seen that look so many times before. - What look? 351 00:24:56,558 --> 00:24:59,844 That "shutting down, turning off, morning after" look. 352 00:24:59,978 --> 00:25:03,478 You're just like any other guy. I expected more from you, Robert... 353 00:25:03,607 --> 00:25:05,066 being a gay man and all. 354 00:25:05,192 --> 00:25:06,651 Abbie, Abbie, don't... 355 00:25:07,820 --> 00:25:10,607 - God, it's good to be home. - Christ! 356 00:25:10,739 --> 00:25:13,230 Come on, Ashby. Stop dragging ass. 357 00:25:13,367 --> 00:25:14,825 Hold your water. 358 00:25:16,578 --> 00:25:18,737 - Hi ho, Robbie! - Hi ho. 359 00:25:21,417 --> 00:25:22,662 - My God! - My God! 360 00:25:22,794 --> 00:25:24,870 - We've been broken into! - Oh, my God! 361 00:25:25,003 --> 00:25:26,913 - Look at this place! - Look at this mess! 362 00:25:27,047 --> 00:25:29,087 - It's a mess! - My dresses are all over the place! 363 00:25:29,217 --> 00:25:31,174 - Didn't you set the alarm? - Of course I set the alarm! 364 00:25:36,807 --> 00:25:40,556 You know, David, you're gonna have to give this a little water on occasion. 365 00:25:40,686 --> 00:25:43,640 Doesn't perpetual care include sprinkler service? 366 00:25:43,773 --> 00:25:46,691 - That's the spirit, David. - To Joe. 367 00:25:46,818 --> 00:25:51,029 - Forever young and beautiful Joe. - He still left the party too early. 368 00:25:54,158 --> 00:25:56,317 - So where's Abbie? I thought she was coming. - Yeah. 369 00:25:58,121 --> 00:25:59,152 Something happened. 370 00:26:02,416 --> 00:26:03,615 We slept together. 371 00:26:05,379 --> 00:26:07,786 "Slept together" as in cuddly pj's... 372 00:26:07,922 --> 00:26:10,129 or "slept together" as in shagged her? 373 00:26:11,217 --> 00:26:13,969 Oh, my God! You did? When? 374 00:26:14,095 --> 00:26:16,503 - About a week and a half ago. - How was it? Was it hot? 375 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,806 "Hot"? David, you're talking about Abbie! She's like our sister. How could it be "hot"? 376 00:26:19,935 --> 00:26:22,306 - You're the one who nailed her. Are you gonna do it again? - No, of course not. 377 00:26:22,437 --> 00:26:24,809 - You did it once. How can you be so sure? - 'Cause it's just one of those... 378 00:26:24,940 --> 00:26:26,767 crazy things that happens once and never again. 379 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:30,067 Anyway, she's not talking to me any more, nor is she returning my phone calls... 380 00:26:30,195 --> 00:26:31,903 and it's really upsetting me. 381 00:26:32,030 --> 00:26:34,236 - You mean you would if she did? - Would what? 382 00:26:34,365 --> 00:26:36,524 - Are you telling us you're straight now? - No. 383 00:26:36,660 --> 00:26:38,569 You just said you're really upset that you couldn't bang her again. 384 00:26:38,704 --> 00:26:40,613 That's not what I said. 385 00:26:40,748 --> 00:26:42,905 Next thing he'll be combing his hair like Donald Trump. 386 00:26:43,041 --> 00:26:44,998 Subscribing to Victoria's Secret catalogues. 387 00:26:45,127 --> 00:26:46,704 And voting Republican. 388 00:26:48,213 --> 00:26:51,048 Praise be to Lordy, she's been reformed. 389 00:26:51,174 --> 00:26:53,500 - Call Jerry Falwell. - Shut up! 390 00:26:53,635 --> 00:26:55,925 - Don't call me "she." - See? - See? 391 00:27:15,574 --> 00:27:17,900 Hi, it's Abbie. Leave a message. 392 00:27:19,245 --> 00:27:20,787 Abbie, pick up. 393 00:27:21,622 --> 00:27:23,080 Pick up. 394 00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:28,411 Listen, I know we crossed a line and we shot off the main road... 395 00:27:28,546 --> 00:27:32,294 but there's no reason why we can't climb up the embankment and get back on track. 396 00:27:32,425 --> 00:27:34,998 We've known each other too long to let this come between us. 397 00:27:36,429 --> 00:27:39,216 I can't do it alone. 398 00:27:39,349 --> 00:27:41,554 Please, call me. Hmm? 399 00:27:55,907 --> 00:27:57,567 - Sorry. Sorry I'm late. - Hi. 400 00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:00,867 I know how you hate that. Anyway, I'm starving. 401 00:28:02,246 --> 00:28:04,572 Thanks for waiting. Can I see a menu? 402 00:28:07,877 --> 00:28:10,450 - What is that? - What? 403 00:28:10,588 --> 00:28:13,127 - Since when do you eat meat? - I don't. 404 00:28:15,844 --> 00:28:17,172 Oh. 405 00:28:18,180 --> 00:28:19,971 I think I'm gonna be sick. 406 00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:22,969 Well, you're obviously craving iron. You must be getting your period. 407 00:28:23,101 --> 00:28:26,387 Annabel, my period. 408 00:28:27,731 --> 00:28:28,928 When is my period? 409 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:34,016 - How late are you? - Third weekend in June. 410 00:28:34,154 --> 00:28:37,854 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve... 411 00:28:37,991 --> 00:28:40,114 thirteen, fourteen... Korean hot springs... 412 00:28:40,244 --> 00:28:43,447 fifteen, sixteen, seventeen... Fourth of July. 413 00:28:43,580 --> 00:28:45,039 I remember that. 414 00:28:46,208 --> 00:28:49,078 - Did we drive to Matador Beach? - Mm-hmm. 415 00:28:49,210 --> 00:28:51,916 - Did we stop? - Uh-uh. 416 00:28:53,131 --> 00:28:56,832 No. Shit. 417 00:28:56,969 --> 00:29:00,219 Just try to remember the last time you felt fat and ugly and suicidal. 418 00:29:01,139 --> 00:29:04,306 - What can I get for you? - The nearest drugstore. 419 00:29:28,334 --> 00:29:30,623 So you've come crawling back. 420 00:29:30,753 --> 00:29:34,039 No. I mean, yes. 421 00:29:34,173 --> 00:29:36,166 I have something to tell you. 422 00:29:37,468 --> 00:29:40,386 - Is it good news or bad news? - Good news, I hope. 423 00:29:40,513 --> 00:29:43,679 Good news. Good news for you, or good news for me? 424 00:29:43,808 --> 00:29:46,559 For us, I hope. 425 00:29:48,103 --> 00:29:49,930 For us. 426 00:29:50,064 --> 00:29:52,223 Is it, uh, bigger than a bread box? 427 00:29:53,234 --> 00:29:54,563 Not yet. 428 00:29:55,862 --> 00:29:59,147 Oh, God. Come on. Can't you just guess? 429 00:29:59,282 --> 00:30:01,819 - Just spit it out. - Okay. 430 00:30:01,951 --> 00:30:03,742 What's the best thing I could tell you? 431 00:30:05,455 --> 00:30:09,405 That you've met a fabulous guy for me. 432 00:30:09,543 --> 00:30:11,500 Ha. 433 00:30:11,628 --> 00:30:14,083 What's the next best thing? 434 00:30:15,423 --> 00:30:17,463 That we can turn back the clock. 435 00:30:19,052 --> 00:30:22,421 Nothing bad ever happened between us... 436 00:30:25,516 --> 00:30:27,675 and that, well... 437 00:30:29,354 --> 00:30:31,311 we're best friends again. 438 00:30:32,732 --> 00:30:34,939 Hmm? 439 00:30:38,197 --> 00:30:40,236 Oh, I missed you so much. 440 00:30:42,701 --> 00:30:44,492 I'm pregnant with your baby. 441 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,877 I mean, you can't be pregnant. We only did it once. 442 00:30:55,005 --> 00:30:58,624 - That's all it takes. - What, eight martinis and you're stuffed? 443 00:30:58,759 --> 00:31:02,293 - That's right. - Wow. Doesn't take much to crack your egg, does it? 444 00:31:03,597 --> 00:31:06,302 You don't have to make a decision right now... 445 00:31:06,433 --> 00:31:09,268 but I've made up my mind that I'm having this baby... 446 00:31:09,394 --> 00:31:12,479 and you can be involved as much or as little as you like. 447 00:31:12,606 --> 00:31:14,765 Well, I can't very well not be involved. 448 00:31:14,900 --> 00:31:19,277 I mean, it's not like I suddenly can stop knowing you or something, can I? 449 00:31:19,404 --> 00:31:21,528 Can I? Ow! 450 00:31:21,657 --> 00:31:24,444 Come on, Robert. I'm offering you a choice. 451 00:31:24,576 --> 00:31:28,195 You can be the baby's father, or you can be the baby's uncle. 452 00:31:28,330 --> 00:31:31,117 I want you to be the father. 453 00:31:31,250 --> 00:31:33,326 We could do this, Robert. I know we could. 454 00:31:33,461 --> 00:31:36,414 - What about if I... - Please? 455 00:31:36,547 --> 00:31:37,958 Just think about it. 456 00:31:47,891 --> 00:31:50,893 Here, Dad, catch this! Catch! 457 00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,860 Hey, look at you. Let's give you a little wipey-wipe, huh? 458 00:32:04,409 --> 00:32:06,448 Oh! Not again. 459 00:32:11,707 --> 00:32:14,543 I'm just saying if you stuck to gin and tonic, it wouldn't stain. 460 00:32:14,670 --> 00:32:17,421 - Hi. There he is. - I cannot abide gin and tonic, and you know it. 461 00:32:17,547 --> 00:32:19,505 - Oh, it's him. - Back to the baggage... 462 00:32:19,633 --> 00:32:22,550 - Hello. - Mum. - Oh, darling. Oh. 463 00:32:22,677 --> 00:32:25,382 - What happened? - Oh, nothing. Daddy had a little accident. 464 00:32:25,513 --> 00:32:27,921 - It was the air waitress that had the accident. - We'll get the jacket cleaned, darling. 465 00:32:28,058 --> 00:32:30,809 - I just happened to be conveniently located directly under her. - Six hours of hell. How are you? 466 00:32:30,936 --> 00:32:33,687 - I'm fine. - You look a little thin. - I'm not thin. Come on. Let's go. 467 00:32:33,813 --> 00:32:36,387 - Thank you for shaving. - I did shave. 468 00:32:36,525 --> 00:32:38,067 Of course you shaved. You look gorgeous. 469 00:32:38,193 --> 00:32:40,980 - Attention, travellers.: You are not... - Hey, get, get, get, get outta there! 470 00:32:41,113 --> 00:32:44,197 - How's the gardening world? - Fine, thanks. 471 00:32:44,324 --> 00:32:47,658 - Darling, you're miles away. - I've stuff on my mind. I'm sorry. 472 00:32:47,786 --> 00:32:49,909 How's your friend Abbie? 473 00:32:50,039 --> 00:32:52,874 - She's fine. - How's her love life? 474 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,040 Well, as a matter of fact, she's, uh, pregnant. 475 00:32:55,169 --> 00:32:57,291 - No. When did she get married? - She didn't. 476 00:32:57,421 --> 00:32:59,627 Who's the father? 477 00:32:59,757 --> 00:33:01,833 Actually, it's, uh, me. 478 00:33:03,427 --> 00:33:06,594 Abbie is pregnant with my child and your grandchild. 479 00:33:06,722 --> 00:33:10,091 Is she? Really? 480 00:33:10,226 --> 00:33:11,934 - Do you mean it was all a joke? - What? 481 00:33:12,061 --> 00:33:15,062 - You're not really queer? - Shh. Lower your voice to a shriek. 482 00:33:15,189 --> 00:33:17,228 Of course I'm queer. It's just that I'm having a baby as well. 483 00:33:17,357 --> 00:33:19,730 - I'm confused. - Well, I'm not. 484 00:33:19,860 --> 00:33:22,149 You're going to make a laughing stock of the family. 485 00:33:22,279 --> 00:33:25,067 - Child needs a role model, someone to look up to. - Well, I'll wear heels. 486 00:33:26,450 --> 00:33:29,071 If you were younger, I'd take you over my knee... 487 00:33:29,203 --> 00:33:31,445 and thrash the living daylights out of you. 488 00:33:31,580 --> 00:33:33,988 I think you mean if you were younger, Dad. 489 00:33:35,418 --> 00:33:37,576 I'm getting a taxi. I'll see you at the hotel. 490 00:33:39,380 --> 00:33:41,456 Oh, God, he's a bore, isn't he? 491 00:33:43,217 --> 00:33:44,711 Thank goodness you're here. 492 00:33:47,472 --> 00:33:50,675 - I just don't know if I can do it or not. - Well, no one's ever ready for a baby. 493 00:33:50,809 --> 00:33:55,435 But I'll tell you one thing: having a child is the best thing in the world. 494 00:33:55,563 --> 00:33:58,101 It stops you from worrying about yourself. 495 00:33:58,232 --> 00:34:00,190 There's something more important than you in the world... 496 00:34:00,318 --> 00:34:02,109 and that's such a relief in the end. 497 00:34:02,237 --> 00:34:06,021 I don't know. It just seems like such a huge responsibility to take on overnight. 498 00:34:06,157 --> 00:34:09,941 It's an opportunity that's come up. It won't come up again. 499 00:34:11,245 --> 00:34:13,238 I can't tell you to do it, but I can tell you... 500 00:34:13,373 --> 00:34:15,911 think very carefully before you don't do it. 501 00:34:16,043 --> 00:34:18,580 Having you is the best thing that ever happened to me. 502 00:34:18,711 --> 00:34:20,254 - Oh, Mum. - Even though you've been... 503 00:34:20,380 --> 00:34:22,289 an enormous disappointment in many ways. 504 00:34:22,424 --> 00:34:24,748 - Mum. - Well, you have. 505 00:34:24,884 --> 00:34:27,210 But you're you. I adore you. 506 00:34:30,265 --> 00:34:31,179 Darling, careful. 507 00:34:46,073 --> 00:34:47,531 Abbie? 508 00:34:51,036 --> 00:34:52,364 I'll do it. 509 00:34:53,329 --> 00:34:55,369 I want to be the father of our baby. 510 00:34:57,334 --> 00:34:59,410 - Are you sure? - Yes. 511 00:35:01,130 --> 00:35:04,083 I don't want to do it halfway. I want to do it all the way or not at all. 512 00:35:04,216 --> 00:35:07,383 I don't want to be some gay uncle... 513 00:35:07,511 --> 00:35:10,844 who lives on the other side of the tracks with his roommate Bruce... 514 00:35:10,973 --> 00:35:12,930 who no one's supposed to talk to. 515 00:35:14,727 --> 00:35:18,476 I want to be the baby's father, forever and always. 516 00:35:20,274 --> 00:35:22,313 One more thing. 517 00:35:23,986 --> 00:35:25,396 I can't be a husband. 518 00:35:27,907 --> 00:35:30,824 You just have to be a father... 519 00:35:30,951 --> 00:35:32,031 and a friend. 520 00:35:34,789 --> 00:35:37,114 - You what? - Robert Robert? 521 00:35:37,249 --> 00:35:40,001 - Gay Robert Robert? - He just goes by Robert now. 522 00:35:40,128 --> 00:35:42,167 - You are outrageous. - I would not kick him out of bed. 523 00:35:42,296 --> 00:35:44,538 He definitely falls into the "what a waste" category. 524 00:35:44,674 --> 00:35:46,168 - Totally. - So what was it like? 525 00:35:46,300 --> 00:35:48,507 - Did he rise to the occasion? - Obviously he did. 526 00:35:48,636 --> 00:35:51,720 Hey, could we move past the sex part and get onto the now part? 527 00:35:51,848 --> 00:35:54,802 - I'm having a baby. - Oh, Abbie, that is so great. - That is cool. 528 00:35:54,934 --> 00:35:57,721 - It's tough being a single parent, Abbie. - I'm not gonna be a single parent. 529 00:35:57,853 --> 00:35:59,727 - What? - Robert's moving in with me... 530 00:35:59,856 --> 00:36:01,564 and we're gonna raise the baby together. 531 00:36:01,691 --> 00:36:05,226 - Are you sure you know what you're doing? - Look, Robert is the most incredible man... 532 00:36:05,361 --> 00:36:06,820 - I've ever met... - Right. - True. 533 00:36:06,946 --> 00:36:08,904 and he's hung in there when my boyfriends haven't. 534 00:36:09,032 --> 00:36:10,146 That's true. 535 00:36:10,283 --> 00:36:12,820 And we're always gonna love each other and be in each other's lives... 536 00:36:12,952 --> 00:36:16,535 and we're never getting married, so we can't get divorced. 537 00:36:16,664 --> 00:36:18,953 You know, there's a certain crazy logic to this... 538 00:36:19,084 --> 00:36:20,827 and Robert will do everything a husband will do. 539 00:36:20,961 --> 00:36:22,538 - Exactly. - Including not sleep with you. 540 00:36:22,671 --> 00:36:25,506 Yes, but I won't be bitter and resentful about it. 541 00:36:25,632 --> 00:36:28,336 - Well, at least the kid will be gorgeous. - Oh, no doubt. 542 00:36:28,468 --> 00:36:30,211 - Will he be gay? - Kelly! 543 00:36:30,345 --> 00:36:31,804 - What? - Come on. - Come on. 544 00:36:31,930 --> 00:36:34,931 My God. Will your kids be stupid? 545 00:36:38,770 --> 00:36:41,262 - Good to have you here, David. - Make yourself at home. 546 00:36:41,397 --> 00:36:43,474 Anything you need, just let us know. 547 00:36:43,608 --> 00:36:44,723 Okay. Thanks. 548 00:36:47,154 --> 00:36:50,154 - I feel like such an asshole. - Why? 549 00:36:50,282 --> 00:36:52,856 Because, if Joe's parents hadn't kicked me out and I didn't need this place... 550 00:36:52,993 --> 00:36:54,322 I wouldn't be helping you move out. 551 00:36:54,453 --> 00:36:56,860 - I'd be making a stand. - Against what? 552 00:36:56,997 --> 00:36:59,155 Against this insane decision that you're making, Robert. 553 00:36:59,291 --> 00:37:01,331 This is ridiculous. You're gonna be miserable. 554 00:37:01,460 --> 00:37:04,212 Have you thought about all the details, like your sex life? 555 00:37:04,338 --> 00:37:05,915 - Are you gonna even have one? - Listen. 556 00:37:06,048 --> 00:37:09,168 If I was straight, and I turned gay, you'd be thrilled. 557 00:37:09,301 --> 00:37:11,839 But the fact that I'm having a baby with a woman... Uhh! 558 00:37:11,970 --> 00:37:14,676 That's blowing your mind, David. That's such a double standard. 559 00:37:14,807 --> 00:37:17,642 Oh, so your biological time clock is ticking. That's it. 560 00:37:17,768 --> 00:37:19,476 - No, that is not it. - Yeah. 561 00:37:19,603 --> 00:37:22,272 Actually, you know what? I'm just bored of it all. 562 00:37:22,398 --> 00:37:24,437 I'm bored of the parties, I'm bored of the drugs... 563 00:37:24,567 --> 00:37:26,227 I'm bored of the body obsession. 564 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,851 I'm not in a relationship. I don't see one coming, and it happened. 565 00:37:28,987 --> 00:37:31,313 It's not a sacrifice, you know. It's an opportunity. 566 00:37:33,368 --> 00:37:35,739 I do love Abbie. I trust her. 567 00:37:37,663 --> 00:37:40,498 And here comes a baby that's gonna be part of our lives forever. 568 00:37:42,459 --> 00:37:44,749 And what happens when you do meet Mr Right? 569 00:37:45,462 --> 00:37:47,954 I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. 570 00:37:48,090 --> 00:37:50,498 You'll burn that bridge when you get to it. 571 00:37:51,845 --> 00:37:54,382 To stay 572 00:37:57,100 --> 00:38:01,845 - You come to me - Come to me 573 00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:04,019 - Come back to me - Rather you than me. 574 00:38:06,192 --> 00:38:10,818 Let me see. Oh, don't show me any more. 575 00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:17,905 It just kicked. 576 00:38:27,630 --> 00:38:29,338 - Look at this. - Yea! 577 00:38:36,389 --> 00:38:39,059 - Thanks a lot, you guys. - That bottle is huge. 578 00:38:39,184 --> 00:38:42,138 Attention! Attention, attention. 579 00:38:42,271 --> 00:38:45,271 First of all, I would really like to welcome all of you... 580 00:38:45,399 --> 00:38:49,231 to our home on this very, very special occasion. 581 00:38:49,361 --> 00:38:51,733 You know, some people... and I know I have been one of them... 582 00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:55,315 have suggested that this was an unexpected move on both your parts. 583 00:38:56,868 --> 00:38:58,826 Personally, I thought it was deranged. 584 00:39:00,205 --> 00:39:02,697 It's just that you see all of these young couples sporting around town... 585 00:39:02,833 --> 00:39:05,121 in their suburban assault vehicles... 586 00:39:05,252 --> 00:39:08,870 a Frappucino in one hand, a rug rat and a wet diaper in the other. 587 00:39:10,215 --> 00:39:13,085 There but for the grace of God... 588 00:39:13,218 --> 00:39:16,089 - And who needs sleep anyway? - Exactly. 589 00:39:16,222 --> 00:39:18,546 And you can kiss your upholstery goodbye. 590 00:39:18,682 --> 00:39:20,971 - Thanks a lot, Annabel. - The world out there... 591 00:39:21,102 --> 00:39:23,509 does not always support families that are different... 592 00:39:23,645 --> 00:39:27,774 but as I look at the two of you now... 593 00:39:27,900 --> 00:39:30,391 two of the most generous, attractive... 594 00:39:30,527 --> 00:39:33,233 And cattiest monsters we know. 595 00:39:34,323 --> 00:39:38,403 And I see all of this love and warmth and joy, and... 596 00:39:39,662 --> 00:39:41,702 I think Abbie has something she'd like to say. 597 00:39:41,830 --> 00:39:43,409 Oh! 598 00:39:43,540 --> 00:39:46,412 Give me every drug you've got! 599 00:39:52,216 --> 00:39:54,790 - Here's Sam dressed as Krishna. - Little gender bender. 600 00:39:54,928 --> 00:39:57,216 He really didn't go for all the jewellery. 601 00:39:57,346 --> 00:39:59,553 - Look at him. - Isn't that sweet. - Look at that. 602 00:40:01,559 --> 00:40:04,264 Look at the two studs. 603 00:40:04,395 --> 00:40:06,803 - Happy New Year. - This one's gorgeous. 604 00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:08,648 Yeah. 605 00:40:08,774 --> 00:40:11,444 - Hey, Happy New Year. - Hi, guys. You having fun? 606 00:40:11,569 --> 00:40:13,313 - Hello, ladies. - Happy New Year. 607 00:40:13,446 --> 00:40:15,238 - Hi. Happy New Year. - Happy New Year. 608 00:40:15,365 --> 00:40:17,157 - Say Happy... Did you say Happy New Year? - Yes, I did. 609 00:40:17,283 --> 00:40:19,821 - All right. - Happy New Year. - Happy New Year! 610 00:40:19,953 --> 00:40:23,322 - Happy New Year. - Happy New Year! - What's up, Sammy? 611 00:40:23,456 --> 00:40:25,248 Hey, Happy New Year! 612 00:40:29,003 --> 00:40:31,577 - Happy New Year. - Cheers. 613 00:40:31,715 --> 00:40:33,754 Hands above your head. 614 00:40:35,469 --> 00:40:38,553 Look at your thumbs. Hands to your chest. 615 00:40:46,772 --> 00:40:48,895 I need champ... Who needs champagne? 616 00:40:54,404 --> 00:40:56,729 I got, got, got, got you. 617 00:40:58,533 --> 00:41:01,819 Sam, why aren't you at your own party? 618 00:41:03,664 --> 00:41:07,163 - Dad, am I stupid? - No. Who told you that? 619 00:41:08,377 --> 00:41:12,077 Jamie Rappaport. He said yoga was stupid and I was stupid... 620 00:41:12,214 --> 00:41:14,421 and he's taking back my Christmas present. 621 00:41:14,549 --> 00:41:17,504 That's horrible. You know what I do when people call me stupid? 622 00:41:17,636 --> 00:41:19,261 I just put up a window. 623 00:41:19,388 --> 00:41:21,546 I get in the car, I do up the seat belt... 624 00:41:21,682 --> 00:41:23,721 and I roll up the window and I say, "Window. 625 00:41:23,851 --> 00:41:25,974 I can see you, but I can't hear you." 626 00:41:26,103 --> 00:41:28,226 Okay, we're gonna do a little test. 627 00:41:28,355 --> 00:41:31,522 - Call me a stupid jerk. Go on. - You're a stupid jerk. 628 00:41:31,650 --> 00:41:35,149 Window. I can see you, but I can't hear you. 629 00:41:35,279 --> 00:41:36,654 Now I'm gonna call you something. 630 00:41:36,780 --> 00:41:38,239 You are... 631 00:41:40,785 --> 00:41:42,824 the worst Nintendo player on the planet! 632 00:41:42,954 --> 00:41:45,029 Window. Doesn't bother me a bit. 633 00:41:46,332 --> 00:41:48,704 - I love you so much. - I can't hear you. 634 00:41:48,834 --> 00:41:51,504 - Love you, Sam! - Window. 635 00:41:56,092 --> 00:41:59,009 Who's that really cute guy? 636 00:41:59,136 --> 00:42:01,176 That's Robert's cardiologist. 637 00:42:01,306 --> 00:42:03,879 Oh, my God. Does Robert have a problem with his heart? 638 00:42:05,226 --> 00:42:07,302 - Stupid. - Kelly! 639 00:42:20,950 --> 00:42:23,157 - D-Darling! - Mum. 640 00:42:24,329 --> 00:42:26,368 Oh, don't do that. 641 00:42:27,540 --> 00:42:30,790 - I was getting worried about you. - Well, I, um... I.. I brought a surprise. 642 00:42:30,918 --> 00:42:34,453 What? 643 00:42:34,589 --> 00:42:36,748 - Hi, Dad. - Hello. 644 00:42:37,801 --> 00:42:41,134 Is that a, uh, cricket bat in your hand, or are you just pleased to see me? 645 00:42:43,098 --> 00:42:45,138 - What? - Only kidding. 646 00:42:45,267 --> 00:42:47,971 - None of that, darling. If you knew what I went through to get him here. - Hello, Mary. 647 00:42:48,103 --> 00:42:50,060 I've gone grey overnight. 648 00:42:50,188 --> 00:42:52,312 - Podgy! - Sam. - Podgy, darling! 649 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,682 - Hey, Grandma. - Come on. 650 00:42:55,944 --> 00:42:57,273 Hello, darling. 651 00:42:58,655 --> 00:43:01,490 - Listen, you remember that gloomy old grandpa I told you about... - Yeah. 652 00:43:01,616 --> 00:43:03,574 - who only came out at night? - Yeah. 653 00:43:03,702 --> 00:43:05,077 Well, he's here. 654 00:43:06,246 --> 00:43:08,405 Some smelling salts! 655 00:43:08,540 --> 00:43:10,866 Smelling salts! 656 00:43:11,001 --> 00:43:13,788 - He loves to faint. - Grandma, why aren't you fainting with me? 657 00:43:13,921 --> 00:43:16,246 Oh, well, well... Darling, take my G & T. 658 00:43:20,803 --> 00:43:23,128 Come on, Grandpa. You fake too. Come on. 659 00:43:23,263 --> 00:43:26,217 Get more enthusiasm. Gestures are better, darling. 660 00:43:26,350 --> 00:43:29,387 Little... Yeah, that's it. Go on. Give him a hug and a kiss. 661 00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:31,596 There we are. Go on. There we are. 662 00:43:31,730 --> 00:43:34,019 Careful of his tummy. Careful. 663 00:43:34,150 --> 00:43:36,188 Oh... Yes, yes, thank you. 664 00:43:36,318 --> 00:43:38,192 Robert. 665 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,026 - Comin' over later? - I'll try. 666 00:43:44,327 --> 00:43:46,817 - Bye-bye. See you next Thursday. - I hope so. 667 00:43:49,457 --> 00:43:51,994 - So who lives in this room? - My dad. 668 00:43:52,126 --> 00:43:53,917 - How come? Was he bad? - No. 669 00:43:54,045 --> 00:43:56,251 Well, then why doesn't he sleep in the same room as your mom? 670 00:43:56,381 --> 00:43:57,661 Well, he's supposed to... 671 00:43:57,799 --> 00:44:00,336 or he could sleep in a different house, like my dad. 672 00:44:00,468 --> 00:44:02,544 - Huh? - He doesn't sleep with his mother... 673 00:44:02,679 --> 00:44:04,967 because Sam's dad is a fag. 674 00:44:05,097 --> 00:44:07,054 - A what? - Faggot. 675 00:44:07,183 --> 00:44:09,805 You're supposed to say "same sex partner." 676 00:44:09,935 --> 00:44:13,850 I know what a faggot is. That's what my dad calls someone who cuts him off in traffic. 677 00:44:16,610 --> 00:44:19,610 - I don't wanna go to bed. - Too bad. 678 00:44:21,489 --> 00:44:23,528 - Window. - Double window. 679 00:44:28,830 --> 00:44:30,454 Now, then, mister. 680 00:44:34,836 --> 00:44:37,790 - Why don't you sleep in Mommy's room? - What? 681 00:44:37,923 --> 00:44:41,339 - Don't you love her? - Of course I love her. 682 00:44:41,468 --> 00:44:44,801 You know why I don't sleep with her? 'Cause she snores. 683 00:44:44,930 --> 00:44:46,887 She snores like a great big old helicopter taking off. 684 00:44:48,933 --> 00:44:52,267 That's why I sleep in my own room. Any other questions, Mr Sam, Mr Detective? 685 00:44:52,395 --> 00:44:54,518 Can I have a brother for my birthday? 686 00:44:56,566 --> 00:44:58,226 You have to ask Mommy. 687 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,732 - Okay. - Okay? 688 00:45:00,862 --> 00:45:02,819 Good night. Sleep well. 689 00:45:12,374 --> 00:45:14,948 Your son's starting to ask a lot of questions. 690 00:45:15,085 --> 00:45:17,754 He knows too much. We must get rid of him. 691 00:45:17,879 --> 00:45:21,747 Seriously, Robert. It's only the beginning of a lot more questions like that... 692 00:45:21,884 --> 00:45:24,374 and we have to figure out what we're gonna say. 693 00:45:24,511 --> 00:45:28,010 We will figure it out. Can't it wait till tomorrow? I'm going out. 694 00:45:29,183 --> 00:45:32,267 Is seeing the cardiologist right now more important than your son? 695 00:45:32,395 --> 00:45:35,894 My son is more important than breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. 696 00:45:36,023 --> 00:45:39,438 Doesn't mean I still don't have to eat sometime. You should be doing the same thing. 697 00:45:39,568 --> 00:45:42,653 - I eat. - Men call you. Go out with one of them. 698 00:45:46,867 --> 00:45:50,402 - Keeps your hinges from rusting. - Contrary to what you might think... 699 00:45:50,538 --> 00:45:53,207 I'm not a queen trapped in a woman's body. 700 00:45:53,332 --> 00:45:57,116 - Really? - You think everyone wants to have sex. 701 00:45:57,253 --> 00:46:00,088 I don't want to have sex. I'm over it. 702 00:46:00,214 --> 00:46:03,381 - I'm perfectly happy right here in my own backyard. - Really? 703 00:46:03,509 --> 00:46:05,632 And I'm not gonna feel guilty 'cause you feel guilty... 704 00:46:05,762 --> 00:46:08,133 - 'cause you're going out and having fun and I'm... - Not. 705 00:46:10,057 --> 00:46:12,465 You aren't just a mother, Abbie. You're a beautiful woman. 706 00:46:12,602 --> 00:46:14,559 Don't sell yourself short. 707 00:46:18,024 --> 00:46:19,400 Bye. 708 00:46:26,241 --> 00:46:27,569 1989. 709 00:46:29,786 --> 00:46:31,411 1999. 710 00:46:34,207 --> 00:46:35,535 1989. 711 00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:40,331 1999. 712 00:46:46,595 --> 00:46:48,634 Dear God, wherever You are... 713 00:46:48,763 --> 00:46:50,803 could You please hook me up? 714 00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:17,121 - Just sleep, for God's sakes. - I can't. 715 00:47:18,835 --> 00:47:20,911 Being with you is like being with a hologram. 716 00:47:22,255 --> 00:47:24,663 You're there, but you're not there. 717 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,635 I'm sorry. Just got stuff on my mind. 718 00:47:27,761 --> 00:47:30,715 Sam's starting a new school next week, and I feel like it's me going. 719 00:47:30,847 --> 00:47:34,050 I'm so nervous. Can't think of anything else. 720 00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:37,933 - Isn't that weird? - No. It's frustrating. 721 00:47:38,063 --> 00:47:40,850 Sometimes I feel like you don't care about anything else. 722 00:47:45,821 --> 00:47:47,150 Damn. 723 00:47:54,788 --> 00:47:56,865 I have to go to the hospital. 724 00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:03,501 I like you a lot, Robert. 725 00:48:04,299 --> 00:48:07,335 I like you too, o doctor of the heart. 726 00:48:07,469 --> 00:48:10,220 But it's never gonna work. 727 00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:14,214 'Cause I want more. With you it's like crashing into a brick wall. 728 00:48:14,351 --> 00:48:16,722 - You just don't give a damn inch. - 'Cause I don't want to get serious. 729 00:48:16,853 --> 00:48:20,304 I told you. Sam is everything to me. I haven't got time for anything else right now. 730 00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,977 - I told you this on day one. - I know. Calm down. 731 00:48:23,109 --> 00:48:25,148 It's just we're getting repetitive. 732 00:48:26,988 --> 00:48:29,028 Maybe we should just move on then. 733 00:48:31,284 --> 00:48:33,739 I gotta go. Uh... 734 00:48:33,870 --> 00:48:35,910 Stay. Don't stay. 735 00:48:37,290 --> 00:48:38,618 Love you. 736 00:48:40,543 --> 00:48:41,918 Hate you. 737 00:48:56,435 --> 00:48:58,759 I know that you're in love with him 738 00:48:58,895 --> 00:49:01,648 'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym 739 00:49:01,773 --> 00:49:03,896 You both kicked off your shoes 740 00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:06,647 Man, I dig those rhythm and blues 741 00:49:07,905 --> 00:49:10,822 I know that you're in love with him 'Cause I... 742 00:49:10,949 --> 00:49:13,025 - Not on the part you like, Sammy. - What's going on in here? 743 00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:17,988 - You barbarian. - Daddy, get Mommy a cup of coffee. 744 00:49:18,123 --> 00:49:20,411 - Please? - Please, Daddy? 745 00:49:20,542 --> 00:49:22,499 Yes, Mommy dearest. 746 00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:25,462 Give me a kiss, Sam. 747 00:49:27,758 --> 00:49:30,166 - Did you sleep good? - Yeah. 748 00:49:30,303 --> 00:49:32,128 You're too kind. 749 00:49:32,262 --> 00:49:33,757 - Daddy? - Hmm? 750 00:49:33,889 --> 00:49:35,265 Are you a faggot? 751 00:49:37,059 --> 00:49:39,764 - What? - And yesterday he was only five. 752 00:49:41,313 --> 00:49:43,852 Sam, where did you learn a word like that? 753 00:49:43,982 --> 00:49:47,103 - Kyle told it to me. - Did Kyle tell you what it means? 754 00:49:48,237 --> 00:49:49,399 Yeah. 755 00:49:50,281 --> 00:49:51,906 Well, what is it? 756 00:49:52,866 --> 00:49:55,488 It's when two boys kiss and they go to the opera. 757 00:49:56,328 --> 00:49:57,609 Oh. Well... 758 00:49:58,831 --> 00:50:00,491 Yes and no. 759 00:50:00,625 --> 00:50:03,661 But, you know, the point here, Sam, is that the word "faggot"... 760 00:50:03,795 --> 00:50:06,250 is a mean word that mean people use... 761 00:50:06,380 --> 00:50:08,456 when they don't want to accept people who are different from them. 762 00:50:08,591 --> 00:50:12,043 Right, and we are not meanie buckets in this house, are we? 763 00:50:12,178 --> 00:50:14,218 - Nope. - Right. 764 00:50:18,309 --> 00:50:22,354 - Major Lady to Major Dad. - It's Ground Control to Major Lady. 765 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,437 Come in, please, Major Lady. Come in, please. 766 00:50:24,565 --> 00:50:27,851 I'm on your tail. I'm going to shoot now. 767 00:50:29,029 --> 00:50:32,398 - Major Lady to Major Dad. - Major Lady, you're being tailed. 768 00:50:33,241 --> 00:50:35,697 "Back and forth across the pasture with the tractor. 769 00:50:35,827 --> 00:50:38,614 Finally it was so close that Abigail popped into the burrow... 770 00:50:38,747 --> 00:50:40,786 - and scurried down to her baby's nest." - Read it the other way. 771 00:50:40,916 --> 00:50:43,287 Oh. I don't like this way. 772 00:50:47,422 --> 00:50:49,462 "Miss Demeanour had a new set... 773 00:50:49,591 --> 00:50:51,998 of long, shiny black fingernails... 774 00:50:52,135 --> 00:50:56,383 and she was picking an enormous, giant-sized purple booger... 775 00:50:56,514 --> 00:50:58,258 from her left nostril. 776 00:50:58,391 --> 00:51:01,558 'Mm. That looks like dinner for a family of five'... 777 00:51:01,686 --> 00:51:04,522 said Princess Tiny fuse as she got out her kitchen knife... 778 00:51:04,648 --> 00:51:07,269 and cut it into small slices and put it into a frying pan." 779 00:51:23,834 --> 00:51:25,873 Hey, little man. 780 00:51:26,003 --> 00:51:30,166 Set it here, take your shoes off, and help yourself to some herbal tea. 781 00:51:30,298 --> 00:51:32,671 Does this place have Stair Masters or treadmills? 782 00:51:32,801 --> 00:51:34,593 This is a yoga centre. 783 00:51:34,720 --> 00:51:37,341 - Yoga classes only. - Oh, so no free weights? 784 00:51:37,473 --> 00:51:39,299 - I'll call you back. - You should do yoga. 785 00:51:39,433 --> 00:51:41,722 - It reduces your stress. - Oh, yeah? 786 00:51:41,853 --> 00:51:44,557 - Where'd you get this guy? - He's my son... 787 00:51:44,688 --> 00:51:46,728 and he was doing yoga before he was born. 788 00:51:46,858 --> 00:51:48,896 - Yeah, it's easy. - I don't know, see... 789 00:51:49,026 --> 00:51:52,145 'cause I'm more the "half-hour free weights, little bit of steam" kind of guy. 790 00:51:52,279 --> 00:51:54,236 I'm not really the yoga type. 791 00:51:54,365 --> 00:51:55,645 Chicken. 792 00:51:55,783 --> 00:51:59,116 Sam, honey, go easy on the hard sell. 793 00:51:59,244 --> 00:52:02,364 This guy obviously wants to "feel the burn." 794 00:52:02,498 --> 00:52:05,997 - There's a gym for "mirror athletes" half a mile that-a-way. - All right, now hold on. 795 00:52:06,127 --> 00:52:08,084 Wait a minute. I've got an open mind. 796 00:52:08,212 --> 00:52:10,289 I mean, I don't know if I can do the splits, but... 797 00:52:10,423 --> 00:52:14,467 I'm teaching a class in ten minutes. I promise to go easy on you. 798 00:52:18,807 --> 00:52:20,550 Hands together in prayer position. 799 00:52:20,684 --> 00:52:21,928 Feet together. 800 00:52:42,581 --> 00:52:46,329 Inhale, look up, gazing at your fingertips. 801 00:52:46,459 --> 00:52:48,535 Exhale, palms to the floor. 802 00:52:50,046 --> 00:52:52,253 Inhale, look up. 803 00:52:52,382 --> 00:52:56,165 Exhale.Jump back to Chaturanga position. 804 00:52:56,302 --> 00:53:00,764 Keep your elbows close to your side, pointing your toes, shoulders back. 805 00:53:00,891 --> 00:53:02,966 Exhale. Push back into down dog. 806 00:53:03,977 --> 00:53:06,550 - Sink your heels into the floor... - Psst. 807 00:53:06,688 --> 00:53:08,895 - gazing at your navel. - How am I doin'? 808 00:53:09,024 --> 00:53:12,025 You're doing good. Just remember, it's a process. 809 00:53:12,152 --> 00:53:15,069 You don't have to be perfect. 810 00:53:15,197 --> 00:53:17,236 Sink your heels into the floor... 811 00:53:18,241 --> 00:53:19,701 gazing at your navel. 812 00:53:21,536 --> 00:53:23,115 Don't forget to breathe. 813 00:53:24,623 --> 00:53:27,494 Ow! Was that good? 814 00:53:27,626 --> 00:53:29,453 That's very good. 815 00:53:29,587 --> 00:53:31,625 You don't have to overdo it in the first class. 816 00:53:31,755 --> 00:53:33,961 I'm not overdoing it. It's a piece of cake. 817 00:53:36,260 --> 00:53:38,335 Inhale, look up. Jump forward. 818 00:53:40,055 --> 00:53:42,593 Inhale, stand up. Arms up over your head. 819 00:53:42,725 --> 00:53:45,132 Whoa. Stood up too fast. 820 00:53:45,268 --> 00:53:46,680 Mm-hmm. 821 00:53:46,812 --> 00:53:49,054 Right hand grabs the right big toe. 822 00:53:49,189 --> 00:53:53,768 Extend the right leg. Inhale, look up. 823 00:53:53,902 --> 00:53:56,358 Exhale. Bring your nose to your knee. 824 00:53:56,489 --> 00:53:57,769 Breathe. 825 00:54:00,367 --> 00:54:03,073 - Straighten your standing leg. - I'm tryin'. 826 00:54:04,288 --> 00:54:05,830 Breathe! 827 00:54:05,956 --> 00:54:08,364 I'm breathin', kid. I am breathin'. 828 00:54:09,836 --> 00:54:13,086 Exhale. Open the leg to the side... 829 00:54:13,214 --> 00:54:15,088 gazing to the left. 830 00:54:16,968 --> 00:54:17,963 Oh! 831 00:54:19,178 --> 00:54:20,720 Sorry, pal. 832 00:54:24,976 --> 00:54:27,016 It's all levels, beginners through advanced. 833 00:54:27,145 --> 00:54:28,140 Thank you. 834 00:54:28,271 --> 00:54:30,560 - See you on Monday. - Okay. - Bye. 835 00:54:30,689 --> 00:54:32,729 - You okay? - Well, check with me tomorrow. 836 00:54:34,235 --> 00:54:36,311 Beginners are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 10:00... 837 00:54:36,446 --> 00:54:39,067 Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11:00 and Sundays at 9:00. 838 00:54:39,198 --> 00:54:41,606 - Well, how 'bout tonight at 8:00? - Excuse me? 839 00:54:43,161 --> 00:54:44,323 Let's have dinner. 840 00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:54,580 Are you asking me out on a date? 841 00:54:54,714 --> 00:54:57,040 Yeah. Is that all right? 842 00:54:59,677 --> 00:55:01,421 Hold on a second. 843 00:55:05,308 --> 00:55:07,681 - How do you know I'm not married? - Well, are you? 844 00:55:07,810 --> 00:55:10,100 No, but I still don't know you. 845 00:55:10,230 --> 00:55:13,681 Well, I don't know you either, but that's sort of the point of the date, right? 846 00:55:13,817 --> 00:55:16,224 I mean, you do eat, right? It's just dinner. 847 00:55:16,361 --> 00:55:21,071 Yeah, I eat. I just haven't been dating much recently. 848 00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:24,035 Okay. So we'll eat, we'll have some light conversation... 849 00:55:24,161 --> 00:55:28,241 a few awkward silences, wine optional, but definitely no dating. 850 00:55:28,373 --> 00:55:30,746 No dating. 851 00:55:30,876 --> 00:55:33,117 So, how does that sound? 852 00:55:33,253 --> 00:55:34,629 Sounds manageable. 853 00:55:37,299 --> 00:55:39,506 - We're home! - Hey! - Dad, we finally made it! 854 00:55:39,635 --> 00:55:41,010 Hey! Oh! 855 00:55:41,137 --> 00:55:44,588 - Hi. Sorry I'm late. Traffic was insane. - Well... 856 00:55:44,724 --> 00:55:46,597 it's not quite burned, luckily. 857 00:55:46,725 --> 00:55:49,098 Listen, do you mind if I don't stay for dinner tonight? 858 00:55:49,228 --> 00:55:50,852 - But it's roast beef night. - Yuck! 859 00:55:50,980 --> 00:55:53,187 You're supposed to say roast "beast." 860 00:55:53,315 --> 00:55:55,438 Listen, tell Kelly to get rid of that guy. 861 00:55:55,567 --> 00:55:58,402 - Tell her to lose the loser. - I'm not having dinner with Kelly. 862 00:55:58,529 --> 00:56:01,980 Sam, honey, go upstairs and wash your hands. And your face. 863 00:56:03,159 --> 00:56:04,784 - I have a date. - What? 864 00:56:04,911 --> 00:56:06,405 - I have a date. - No. 865 00:56:06,537 --> 00:56:08,329 - Yes. - Who with? 866 00:56:08,455 --> 00:56:11,824 Ben Cooper, investment banker, New York. Whoo! 867 00:56:11,959 --> 00:56:13,916 Whoo! Whoo! 868 00:56:14,044 --> 00:56:15,836 Cor. What's he doing in L.A.? 869 00:56:15,963 --> 00:56:18,122 I don't know. He's working on some kind of a takeover. 870 00:56:18,258 --> 00:56:22,504 Takeover? Don't like the sound of that. Is he attractive? 871 00:56:22,637 --> 00:56:25,307 - So our type. - Which our type? 872 00:56:25,431 --> 00:56:26,842 Big hands. Mmm. 873 00:56:26,975 --> 00:56:29,512 Mmm. Does he, uh, know about moi? 874 00:56:29,644 --> 00:56:33,594 Well, we didn't really get around to frivolous details. 875 00:56:33,732 --> 00:56:35,688 Well, that's all very well, but what's he gonna say when he arrives? 876 00:56:35,816 --> 00:56:37,774 What am I supposed to be, Andre, the zany butler? 877 00:56:37,902 --> 00:56:40,109 - Just be yourself. - Well, which me? 878 00:56:40,238 --> 00:56:43,109 English me? Cold, frosty me? Frivolous me? 879 00:56:43,241 --> 00:56:44,521 How 'bout nice me? 880 00:56:45,618 --> 00:56:48,703 - Well, at your own risk, be it. - Don't screw this up for me. 881 00:56:48,830 --> 00:56:50,988 Oh, Abbie, get out of the kitchen. I can't concentrate. 882 00:56:51,124 --> 00:56:53,282 - Meanie bucket. - I'll be up in five minutes... 883 00:56:53,418 --> 00:56:55,743 - to discuss wardrobe. - Yes, Your Majesty. 884 00:56:57,297 --> 00:56:59,336 I see you in a plunging neckline. 885 00:56:59,465 --> 00:57:01,505 No point in hiding your life under your bushel. 886 00:57:02,552 --> 00:57:05,008 Everybody looks the same 887 00:57:06,473 --> 00:57:09,758 We're just tired of looking at each other 888 00:57:15,107 --> 00:57:18,392 We're just tired of looking at each other 889 00:57:19,986 --> 00:57:22,193 Hi, uh, this Abbie Reynold's house? 890 00:57:27,244 --> 00:57:29,284 Come in. I'm sorry. 891 00:57:30,247 --> 00:57:32,406 I've always been longing to do that. Come in. Robert. 892 00:57:35,294 --> 00:57:37,333 Abbie is, uh, putting on her face. 893 00:57:37,463 --> 00:57:39,503 Well, at least one of them. 894 00:57:40,966 --> 00:57:43,005 She tells me you're into takeovers. 895 00:57:43,135 --> 00:57:46,172 Well, what I'm doing right now is actually closer to a merger. 896 00:57:46,304 --> 00:57:47,847 - Drink? - No, thanks. 897 00:57:47,973 --> 00:57:50,345 - Sit. - All right. 898 00:57:51,393 --> 00:57:53,516 Yeah, I take sick companies and I make them well. 899 00:57:53,645 --> 00:57:55,472 I'm out here right now, uh... 900 00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:59,438 Well, I'm working with a Fortune 500 company that has fallen on hard times... 901 00:57:59,569 --> 00:58:02,938 and I've come to try to resuscitate the... 902 00:58:03,072 --> 00:58:04,981 I'm sorry. I'm rambling, huh? 903 00:58:05,115 --> 00:58:07,868 No, no, no, it's really interesting. It's just it's also, uh, really long. 904 00:58:07,994 --> 00:58:10,829 Uh, do you mind if I take a Nelly break and, uh, put on a record? 905 00:58:11,997 --> 00:58:14,156 - Uh, no. - Good. 906 00:58:17,378 --> 00:58:19,537 - Frank or Judy? - Pardon? 907 00:58:20,381 --> 00:58:24,130 - Frank or Judy? - Uh, Frank, I guess. 908 00:58:24,260 --> 00:58:28,389 Oh, well, I'm afraid Frank's feeling a little shy tonight, but Judy's itching to go. 909 00:58:29,390 --> 00:58:32,676 I think you can tell a lot by a man's musical preference, hmm? 910 00:58:32,810 --> 00:58:34,186 I guess so. 911 00:58:34,312 --> 00:58:37,099 I once met a truck driver, for example, who loved Carly Simon. 912 00:58:37,231 --> 00:58:39,105 It was downhill from then on. 913 00:58:42,278 --> 00:58:45,280 Clang, clang, clang went the trolley 914 00:58:45,406 --> 00:58:48,610 Ding, ding, ding went the bell 915 00:58:48,743 --> 00:58:51,495 Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings 916 00:58:51,621 --> 00:58:53,909 - From the moment I saw him I fell - God, I love Judy Garland. 917 00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:58,418 - Excuse me, but, uh, are you gay or... - Chug, chug, chug went the motor 918 00:58:58,545 --> 00:59:01,462 - are you just acting gay? - Bump, bump, bump - Good question. 919 00:59:01,590 --> 00:59:04,959 - Went the train - Are you interested, or are you just acting interested? 920 00:59:05,093 --> 00:59:08,960 - Interested in what? - Well, Abbie, of course. 921 00:59:09,097 --> 00:59:10,674 She's a very delicate flower, you know. 922 00:59:12,142 --> 00:59:14,763 I'm sorry. Who are you? 923 00:59:14,895 --> 00:59:16,305 I'm Sam's father. 924 00:59:16,438 --> 00:59:18,478 Oh. Oh. 925 00:59:20,526 --> 00:59:23,480 I'm sorry. I guess I came at a bad time, then. You're here to pick up your son? 926 00:59:23,612 --> 00:59:25,853 No, I live here. 927 00:59:26,907 --> 00:59:29,991 Hey, Sammy. Hey, little man. 928 00:59:30,118 --> 00:59:32,953 - How are you? - "Sammy"? 929 00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:34,408 Hey, Sam. 930 00:59:36,291 --> 00:59:37,537 - Hi. - Hi. 931 00:59:37,667 --> 00:59:40,289 - I'm ready, finally. - Wow, you... you look great. 932 00:59:40,421 --> 00:59:42,460 - You look great. - "Sammy." 933 00:59:42,590 --> 00:59:44,796 I was, uh... I was just talking with your ex-husband. 934 00:59:44,925 --> 00:59:47,333 - We're not divorced. - We're not even married. 935 00:59:47,470 --> 00:59:49,794 - Okay, I'm... I'm lost. - I'll tell you at dinner. 936 00:59:51,515 --> 00:59:53,009 Bye. Bye, Sam. 937 00:59:53,893 --> 00:59:55,969 - Don't stay up too late. - Nice to meet you, Robert. 938 00:59:56,104 --> 00:59:58,890 - Nice to meet you. Take care. - Bye. 939 00:59:59,023 --> 01:00:02,606 Yeah, keep in touch. I'll, uh, tuck little "Sammy" in for both of us. 940 01:00:03,485 --> 01:00:06,272 Now, Sam, turn this book upside down... 941 01:00:07,532 --> 01:00:11,150 and let's enter the world of Princess Tiny fuse. 942 01:00:11,286 --> 01:00:12,281 Now. 943 01:00:18,083 --> 01:00:20,242 - No dating. - Oh, right. 944 01:00:21,545 --> 01:00:23,585 Trust me, it won't take that long. 945 01:00:25,424 --> 01:00:28,591 Hello. 8:00 reservation. The name is Cooper. 946 01:00:28,719 --> 01:00:31,045 Well, it's, um, going to be quite a wait. 947 01:00:31,181 --> 01:00:36,555 You can have a drink at the bar if you like, and I'll have a table for you in, oh, two hours? 948 01:00:36,685 --> 01:00:39,141 - Two hours? - Oh, Mr Ross. 949 01:00:39,272 --> 01:00:41,514 - So good to see you again. - Nice to be back. 950 01:00:41,650 --> 01:00:44,057 Okay. We'll have table 14 for Mr Ross tonight. 951 01:00:44,193 --> 01:00:45,272 Of course. 952 01:00:46,655 --> 01:00:50,522 So much for trying to impress you. I'm gonna have a little fun. Humour me. 953 01:00:50,658 --> 01:00:52,069 Excuse me. 954 01:00:52,201 --> 01:00:56,282 Would it make a difference if I told you that Harrison Ford is in our party? 955 01:00:58,375 --> 01:00:59,620 I'll be right back. 956 01:01:01,503 --> 01:01:02,962 Harrison Ford? 957 01:01:05,632 --> 01:01:07,126 - Mr Cooper? - Yes. 958 01:01:07,258 --> 01:01:10,094 Yes, sure. So nice to see you again. 959 01:01:10,220 --> 01:01:12,177 - And you. - Would you follow me? 960 01:01:23,734 --> 01:01:25,477 Thank you. 961 01:01:27,029 --> 01:01:28,985 - Enjoy your dinner. - Thank you. 962 01:01:35,454 --> 01:01:37,576 Okay, here's a toast to... 963 01:01:37,706 --> 01:01:40,376 discovering muscles in your body you never knew existed. 964 01:01:40,501 --> 01:01:43,205 - And finding new ones. - Mmm. 965 01:01:46,966 --> 01:01:50,132 So, what does an investment banker do for fun? 966 01:01:50,261 --> 01:01:54,258 Well, of course, I'm passionate about yoga... 967 01:01:54,389 --> 01:01:55,931 rock climbing, uh, racquetball... 968 01:01:56,058 --> 01:02:00,519 - Racquetball? - Really, I'm just a... a workaholic. 969 01:02:00,646 --> 01:02:02,271 Do you have any pets? 970 01:02:02,398 --> 01:02:04,723 No pets, but I got a couple of dead plants back in New York. 971 01:02:06,235 --> 01:02:09,106 - Favourite colour. - All shades of pink. 972 01:02:11,532 --> 01:02:15,150 Well, you're perfectly presentable, I assume successful... 973 01:02:16,829 --> 01:02:18,738 good sense of humour. 974 01:02:18,873 --> 01:02:20,664 - Thank you. - So... 975 01:02:20,792 --> 01:02:22,250 - why are you... - What? 976 01:02:22,377 --> 01:02:24,500 - Why am I unattached? - Yeah. 977 01:02:24,628 --> 01:02:26,668 Exactly. What's wrong with you? 978 01:02:27,924 --> 01:02:30,296 Been wondering the same thing myself. 979 01:02:30,426 --> 01:02:32,253 You see anything obvious? 980 01:02:32,387 --> 01:02:34,676 - You do have a piece of spinach in your teeth. - Do l? 981 01:02:34,805 --> 01:02:37,213 Mm-hmm.Just kidding. 982 01:02:37,350 --> 01:02:40,801 That's good. I don't know. I guess I never met the right woman. 983 01:02:42,313 --> 01:02:45,397 Or maybe I met her, but I wasn't the right man at the right time. 984 01:02:46,984 --> 01:02:49,392 Anyway, that's my excuse. What's yours? 985 01:02:49,529 --> 01:02:52,399 I decided to have a child instead of a husband. 986 01:02:52,532 --> 01:02:55,449 - Couldn't you have both? - Well, theoretically I could have both... 987 01:02:55,577 --> 01:02:59,741 but if I waited around long enough for the right man, might not have had the right child. 988 01:03:01,041 --> 01:03:03,366 So, does Robert help out? Is he a good father? 989 01:03:03,501 --> 01:03:05,078 He's the greatest. 990 01:03:06,254 --> 01:03:10,003 Hope you don't mind me asking, but were you two ever together? 991 01:03:10,133 --> 01:03:15,210 Once, a very long time ago, for about a half an hour. 992 01:03:15,346 --> 01:03:17,173 - Huh. - Hmm. 993 01:03:17,307 --> 01:03:19,050 We're best friends. 994 01:03:21,061 --> 01:03:23,268 No, we're closer than that. 995 01:03:23,397 --> 01:03:24,939 Robert's my family. 996 01:03:37,619 --> 01:03:39,861 - Thank you very much, sir. - How's everyone doing? - Good. 997 01:03:39,997 --> 01:03:43,496 - Thank you very much, sir. - Enjoying yourself, Mr Cooper? 998 01:03:43,626 --> 01:03:46,626 Dinner was superb. You clearly live up to your reputation. 999 01:03:46,754 --> 01:03:48,995 But you, it seems, do not. 1000 01:03:49,131 --> 01:03:52,963 I hope you enjoyed your little joke on me and this restaurant. 1001 01:03:53,093 --> 01:03:56,343 - What joke? - You said Harrison Ford was in your party. 1002 01:03:56,472 --> 01:03:59,307 No, what I said was, "Would it make a difference... 1003 01:03:59,433 --> 01:04:02,351 if I told you Harrison Ford was in our party?" 1004 01:04:02,477 --> 01:04:03,474 Clearly it did. 1005 01:04:25,418 --> 01:04:28,039 - Um, I guess I'd better go. - Oh, okay. 1006 01:04:28,170 --> 01:04:30,080 You know, I'd ask you in, but, uh... 1007 01:04:30,214 --> 01:04:32,254 you know, it's a long story. 1008 01:04:32,383 --> 01:04:34,127 - Anyway... - All right. 1009 01:04:34,260 --> 01:04:36,798 - I had fun. - Me too. 1010 01:04:38,347 --> 01:04:40,424 Will I see you again? 1011 01:04:40,558 --> 01:04:42,965 I think you're gonna see so much of me you're gonna get sick of me. 1012 01:04:44,271 --> 01:04:46,559 Yeah. Listen. 1013 01:04:46,689 --> 01:04:49,062 I know this is not really a date... 1014 01:04:49,192 --> 01:04:52,312 but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kiss you anyway. 1015 01:04:52,445 --> 01:04:54,485 Oh. All right. 1016 01:05:21,766 --> 01:05:23,842 Wow. I can't believe how good that is. 1017 01:05:23,977 --> 01:05:25,970 I just have to tell you one more thing. 1018 01:05:33,153 --> 01:05:36,190 - How was dinner? - Well, I think I've just had... 1019 01:05:36,323 --> 01:05:38,530 possibly one of the best dates I've ever had. 1020 01:05:38,658 --> 01:05:40,947 - Well, congratulations. - Ever. 1021 01:05:41,078 --> 01:05:43,201 - Double congratulations. - And you know what? 1022 01:05:44,206 --> 01:05:46,282 - What? - You're such a jerk. 1023 01:05:47,334 --> 01:05:49,706 - What are you talking about? - You were so rude to Ben. 1024 01:05:49,837 --> 01:05:51,165 - I was not rude to Ben. - Yes, you were. 1025 01:05:51,296 --> 01:05:52,791 - I was my usual charming self. - You practically slammed the door in his face. 1026 01:05:52,923 --> 01:05:55,592 - I did not. - Wait a second. You did slam the door in his face. 1027 01:05:55,717 --> 01:05:58,423 Abbie, that was a joke. Oh, God. I saw it in a play. 1028 01:05:58,554 --> 01:06:01,508 - Brought the house down. Sorry. Ha. - Ha ha. 1029 01:06:04,810 --> 01:06:06,518 Are we a little tipsy? 1030 01:06:06,645 --> 01:06:09,218 Ben ordered the most delicious wine in the universe. 1031 01:06:09,356 --> 01:06:12,772 - "Most delicious wine..." - You're jealous. 1032 01:06:12,902 --> 01:06:14,645 - Oh, right. - Why didn't I see it before? 1033 01:06:14,779 --> 01:06:17,815 - You're jealous that I went out on a date. - How could I possibly be jealous? 1034 01:06:17,948 --> 01:06:21,033 I'm the one that encouraged you to go out more in the first place. 1035 01:06:22,536 --> 01:06:24,992 - What's so hilarious? - Oh, nothing. 1036 01:06:25,123 --> 01:06:28,990 It was just something Ben said at dinner. Sorry. You had to be there. 1037 01:06:29,794 --> 01:06:31,751 He's very perceptive, you know. 1038 01:06:31,879 --> 01:06:35,165 - Perceptive about me, I expect. - Me, me, me, me, me. 1039 01:06:35,300 --> 01:06:38,004 Funnily enough, you were hardly mentioned all evening... 1040 01:06:38,135 --> 01:06:41,836 other than discussing the fact that I was turkey-basted by my gay best friend. 1041 01:06:41,973 --> 01:06:46,219 - You were not turkey-basted. - Oh. Right. 1042 01:06:46,352 --> 01:06:49,270 - Did Sammy get to bed okay? - Look, what's all this "Sammy" business? 1043 01:06:49,396 --> 01:06:51,354 His name is Sam, all right. He's not Sammy. 1044 01:06:51,482 --> 01:06:54,816 He's not Sammy Davis,Jr. He's not The Rat Pack. He's just Sam. 1045 01:06:55,737 --> 01:06:59,355 Hmm. Well, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm going to bed. 1046 01:07:01,576 --> 01:07:05,704 He was singin' Bye, bye, Miss American Pie 1047 01:07:05,831 --> 01:07:09,697 Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry 1048 01:07:09,834 --> 01:07:12,290 Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1049 01:07:12,420 --> 01:07:16,881 - Hey, Sammy, you wanna go in the water? - Yeah! - Singin' this'll be the day that I die 1050 01:07:17,008 --> 01:07:19,582 - This'll be the day that I die - Hey, Dad, can I go in the water now? 1051 01:07:20,762 --> 01:07:22,969 - Sure. - Can I take him in? 1052 01:07:23,098 --> 01:07:25,090 - Okay. - Helter Skelter in a summer swelter 1053 01:07:25,225 --> 01:07:28,391 - I'm gonna throw you in! Throw him in! - The birds flew off to the fallout shelter 1054 01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:33,265 - No! - Swim in tons of fishes! - The day the music died 1055 01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:36,318 - Here we go. Here we go! - He was singin' 1056 01:07:36,445 --> 01:07:38,603 - Bye, bye, Miss American Pie - Oh, my God. 1057 01:07:38,738 --> 01:07:40,482 "Oh, my God" is right. 1058 01:07:40,615 --> 01:07:42,988 Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry 1059 01:07:43,118 --> 01:07:45,953 Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1060 01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:50,159 And singin' this'll be the day that I die 1061 01:07:50,292 --> 01:07:52,997 This'll be the day that I die 1062 01:07:54,964 --> 01:07:56,920 They were singin' 1063 01:07:57,048 --> 01:08:01,129 - Bye, bye, Miss American Pie - One! 1064 01:08:01,262 --> 01:08:03,551 - Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry - No! 1065 01:08:03,680 --> 01:08:06,172 - No, Mommy! - Two! 1066 01:08:06,308 --> 01:08:10,637 - Watch out! You're going in the water! - Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1067 01:08:10,771 --> 01:08:15,563 - Singin' this'll be the day that I die - Whoo! 1068 01:08:15,692 --> 01:08:16,689 It's freezin'. 1069 01:08:21,282 --> 01:08:23,524 - Hey, big wheel. - Hi, Dad. 1070 01:08:23,660 --> 01:08:27,076 How are you? Your shoelace is undone. I can do it up. 1071 01:08:27,205 --> 01:08:29,031 - I can do it. - What? 1072 01:08:29,164 --> 01:08:32,664 - When did you learn how to do that? - Ben teached me. 1073 01:08:32,793 --> 01:08:35,082 Oh. What else did Ben "teached" you? 1074 01:08:41,678 --> 01:08:42,507 Crazy. 1075 01:09:05,577 --> 01:09:07,119 - Ben. - Hmm? 1076 01:09:08,455 --> 01:09:11,871 - What's wrong with you? - Why, is something wrong? 1077 01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:14,123 You haven't said a word to me for ages. 1078 01:09:21,593 --> 01:09:23,467 See what I mean? 1079 01:09:23,595 --> 01:09:25,054 Abbie, um... 1080 01:09:27,015 --> 01:09:31,263 - We need to talk. - "Talk." I don't like the sound of that. 1081 01:09:31,394 --> 01:09:32,937 We're talking now, right? 1082 01:09:35,565 --> 01:09:36,728 Yeah. 1083 01:09:41,113 --> 01:09:45,360 - Oh, God, Ben, don't do this to me. - Yeah, this is kinda hard for me too. 1084 01:09:45,492 --> 01:09:48,327 Hard for you? What about me? 1085 01:09:48,453 --> 01:09:51,703 You know what? Don't even tell me, okay? Because I already know what you're gonna say. 1086 01:09:51,832 --> 01:09:55,580 - How do you know what I'm gonna say? - Because I do. How many words? 1087 01:09:57,504 --> 01:09:58,667 - Five. - Five. 1088 01:09:58,797 --> 01:10:00,671 I knew it. 1089 01:10:00,799 --> 01:10:02,757 "It's not you. It's me." 1090 01:10:04,053 --> 01:10:07,172 Couldn't you have been just a little bit more original? 1091 01:10:07,306 --> 01:10:10,058 Like, um, "I need to concentrate on my work"... 1092 01:10:10,183 --> 01:10:14,312 or, better yet, how 'bout, um, "I'm getting back together again with my ex-girlfriend." 1093 01:10:14,438 --> 01:10:19,065 - No, Abbie, come here, baby. - I don't even know why I wasted my time on you. 1094 01:10:19,193 --> 01:10:21,352 What, are you nuts? Come here. Listen. Listen to me. 1095 01:10:21,487 --> 01:10:23,231 - Listen. - Why? 1096 01:10:24,031 --> 01:10:27,198 I'm in love with you. 1097 01:10:31,623 --> 01:10:33,081 I'm in love with you. 1098 01:11:06,449 --> 01:11:09,485 - Hey, little man. You go first. - Hello. 1099 01:11:13,582 --> 01:11:16,867 - Dad. - Mm-hmm. - Can I watch cartoons? 1100 01:11:17,002 --> 01:11:20,252 - What time is it? - The little hand is on the eight. 1101 01:11:20,380 --> 01:11:23,334 No. No, the seven. 1102 01:11:23,466 --> 01:11:26,586 Sam. Will you just... 1103 01:11:26,720 --> 01:11:29,092 Just watch cartoons in an hour. Go back to sleep for a while. 1104 01:11:29,223 --> 01:11:30,883 Mm, okay. 1105 01:11:34,644 --> 01:11:36,684 Is Ben my daddy now? 1106 01:11:39,691 --> 01:11:40,687 What? 1107 01:11:44,071 --> 01:11:46,561 - Okay, well, let's get just one thing straight. - Please, Robert. 1108 01:11:46,698 --> 01:11:48,940 - I can't believe you let this happen. I mean, what were you thinking? - Calm down, Robert. 1109 01:11:49,076 --> 01:11:51,033 Sam sees a stranger in his bedroom in the morning. 1110 01:11:51,162 --> 01:11:53,118 - You probably traumatized him. - Ben is hardly a strange man. 1111 01:11:53,246 --> 01:11:54,788 - I'm sorry. I thought I was gonna be gone by the time he woke up. - Sam adores him. 1112 01:11:54,915 --> 01:11:56,872 Sam is confused by him, and you're not helping matters. 1113 01:11:57,000 --> 01:11:59,077 What exactly do you think is going on between us? 1114 01:11:59,211 --> 01:12:03,044 I don't care what's going on between you. I just don't want it to go on here. 1115 01:12:03,173 --> 01:12:05,213 We're getting married. 1116 01:12:06,052 --> 01:12:09,586 - What? - We've been trying to figure out a way to tell you. 1117 01:12:11,474 --> 01:12:13,513 Well, let me give you one little tiny hint. 1118 01:12:13,642 --> 01:12:16,597 Letting Sam discover you in bed with him is not what I'd call a subtle approach. 1119 01:12:16,728 --> 01:12:19,896 We didn't exactly plan it this way, okay? Now you know. So let's talk about it. 1120 01:12:20,023 --> 01:12:21,981 Talk about it? I've only had five seconds to think about it. 1121 01:12:22,109 --> 01:12:25,229 You're the ones that have had the luxury of mulling this over. What do you think about it? 1122 01:12:25,362 --> 01:12:27,604 - I don't know. - Well, that's a fine place to start. 1123 01:12:27,740 --> 01:12:32,532 Look, Robert, I just want us all to get along. I'm not here to usurp your position. 1124 01:12:32,662 --> 01:12:35,153 - I think you're a great dad. - That's mighty big of you, Ben. 1125 01:12:35,289 --> 01:12:38,493 Stop it, Robert! The last thing that we want to do is hurt you. 1126 01:12:38,626 --> 01:12:40,417 - "We, we, we." What's all this "we" all of a sudden? - Shh! 1127 01:12:40,544 --> 01:12:42,703 The fact of the matter is, we need to work this out together. 1128 01:12:42,839 --> 01:12:45,839 Well, let me tell you one thing straight away. Sam has one father. 1129 01:12:45,967 --> 01:12:49,003 There's only one daddy in this family, and that is me! I'm the daddy! 1130 01:12:49,136 --> 01:12:50,963 - Absolutely! - Absolutely! - You're the mummy... 1131 01:12:51,097 --> 01:12:52,295 and Ben... 1132 01:12:53,683 --> 01:12:55,012 Ben is just Ben. 1133 01:12:56,311 --> 01:13:00,059 Now, when it comes to any decisions involving Sam, I get a say and Abbie gets a say. 1134 01:13:00,190 --> 01:13:04,567 If Sam wants ice cream, and I say no, I don't want to hear that you two said yes. 1135 01:13:04,694 --> 01:13:07,315 I don't want to be outvoted. This is not a democracy. 1136 01:13:07,446 --> 01:13:12,026 Oh, and one more thing. He's not moving in here. 1137 01:13:16,873 --> 01:13:19,542 By the way, congratulations. 1138 01:13:28,009 --> 01:13:30,583 Attention, shoppers. At the meat counter... 1139 01:13:30,721 --> 01:13:33,472 Le Grand Balu, your big salami. 1140 01:13:33,599 --> 01:13:35,556 - Eighty-nine cents an inch. - Mom? - Mm-hmm. 1141 01:13:35,684 --> 01:13:39,847 Why is Ben making dinner tonight? We're supposed to have roast beast on Thursdays. 1142 01:13:39,980 --> 01:13:43,099 Because Ben's making something special for dinner tonight. 1143 01:13:43,233 --> 01:13:46,317 It's a cross between a noodle and a dumpling, only lighter. 1144 01:13:46,444 --> 01:13:48,484 - It's German. - It sounds potentially hazardous... 1145 01:13:48,614 --> 01:13:50,772 and utterly delicious. 1146 01:13:51,867 --> 01:13:55,318 So, uh, have you requested a transfer from your New York office yet? 1147 01:13:55,454 --> 01:13:58,538 - Yeah, I did. - How'd they take it? 1148 01:13:58,665 --> 01:14:00,824 Well, it's a little complicated, actually. 1149 01:14:02,878 --> 01:14:05,998 - They offered me a partnership. - Hey, congratulations. 1150 01:14:06,132 --> 01:14:09,168 - Out here? - Well, no. It'd be back east. 1151 01:14:10,427 --> 01:14:12,504 So what did you tell them? 1152 01:14:15,349 --> 01:14:18,848 - So what did you tell them, Ben? - I told them I'd have to think about it. 1153 01:14:18,978 --> 01:14:22,846 Well, you two aren't gonna try that long-distance thing, are you? That never works. 1154 01:14:24,150 --> 01:14:26,439 Look, if I don't accept their offer, I'll have to leave the firm. 1155 01:14:26,568 --> 01:14:29,024 I've been with them for 15 years, Robert. 1156 01:14:30,531 --> 01:14:34,196 Immediate clean-up, aisle three. Aisle three clean-up immediately, please. 1157 01:14:34,327 --> 01:14:36,569 Daddy will always be your father. 1158 01:14:36,704 --> 01:14:39,160 - Ben will be your stepfather. - Like in Cinderella? 1159 01:14:39,290 --> 01:14:42,825 Kind of. Except that Ben is really nice. 1160 01:14:42,961 --> 01:14:45,831 - And we're all gonna live happily ever... - What are you saying? 1161 01:14:45,963 --> 01:14:49,629 Your career's more important than my career? Let me just tell you one thing, Ben. 1162 01:14:49,759 --> 01:14:53,708 Moving to New York is not an option. What am I gonna do? Sell pretzels from a pushcart? 1163 01:14:53,846 --> 01:14:57,049 Robert, don't get upset. It just happened. 1164 01:14:57,183 --> 01:14:59,472 - We haven't figured everything out yet. - I didn't even say I was gonna do it. 1165 01:14:59,602 --> 01:15:03,435 - Yeah, but you didn't say you weren't. - Can we please take this outside? 1166 01:15:03,565 --> 01:15:06,186 - Christ! - Sam, come on, please. Help me unload. 1167 01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:10,727 - Will you move it along? - Robert! 1168 01:15:11,949 --> 01:15:12,944 Move! 1169 01:15:13,991 --> 01:15:17,574 I'll tell you one thing. You're not taking Sam. 1170 01:15:17,704 --> 01:15:19,162 - Take me where, Daddy? - Robert. 1171 01:15:19,289 --> 01:15:20,831 The cement capital of the United States, Sam. 1172 01:15:20,957 --> 01:15:22,665 - I don't want to go to the cement capital of the Uni... - Robert! 1173 01:15:22,792 --> 01:15:24,452 - You're telling me. - Robert, that's it. 1174 01:15:24,586 --> 01:15:27,540 You wanna talk about this right now? Huh? 1175 01:15:27,672 --> 01:15:31,717 You got some incredible burning need, fine, but we are not gonna do it in front of Sam. 1176 01:15:31,843 --> 01:15:33,386 - Come on, Sam. - See what you did? You just upset, Sam. 1177 01:15:33,512 --> 01:15:36,596 - What are you talking about? - This is all your fault. Everything was just fine till you came along. 1178 01:15:36,723 --> 01:15:39,808 - Everything was not fine! - Listen, no one's trying to take anything away from you. 1179 01:15:39,935 --> 01:15:42,604 - We just wanna figure out what makes sense. - Well, me and Sam, we have our home here. 1180 01:15:42,729 --> 01:15:44,556 We have our lives here. If you're so unhappy... 1181 01:15:44,689 --> 01:15:47,228 I've never been happier in my life! You're the one that's unhappy! 1182 01:15:47,359 --> 01:15:48,474 - No, no, no, no. We made an arrangement. - Has it ever occurred... 1183 01:15:48,610 --> 01:15:50,603 We made an arrangement to put this kid first, come what may... 1184 01:15:50,738 --> 01:15:53,145 - but you just want to throw it all away on a whim! - Ben is not a whim! 1185 01:15:53,282 --> 01:15:55,903 - Oh, yeah? - Hasn't it occurred to you that we could work something out? 1186 01:15:56,034 --> 01:15:58,074 - Come on, Sam. Let's go. - What do you think you're doing? 1187 01:15:58,203 --> 01:15:59,578 - Gonna walk home. - Look, you're not walking. 1188 01:15:59,705 --> 01:16:03,204 - It's only six blocks. I just can't be with you guys right now. - Robert! Sammy, come back here. 1189 01:16:03,333 --> 01:16:05,160 Robert! 1190 01:16:05,294 --> 01:16:08,627 - We're gonna race you home, Mommy. - Good. Perfect. 1191 01:16:08,756 --> 01:16:11,425 - Sammy! - Come on, come on. Faster, faster, faster. 1192 01:16:15,680 --> 01:16:17,257 I hate childproof caps. 1193 01:16:18,682 --> 01:16:20,972 I told you, Robert. I told you at the very beginning. 1194 01:16:21,102 --> 01:16:24,636 You should have insisted upon getting married. Then you would have rights. Look what happened to me. 1195 01:16:24,771 --> 01:16:28,187 I have rights now. They're not going anywhere. Full stop. The end. 1196 01:16:28,317 --> 01:16:30,855 You need to talk to an attorney. Just a consultation. 1197 01:16:30,987 --> 01:16:34,023 - A couple hundred bucks. Know where you stand. - I know where I stand, David. Trust me. 1198 01:16:34,157 --> 01:16:36,233 - I'm not gonna see an attorney. - I'll bet she is. 1199 01:16:40,079 --> 01:16:43,495 Stupid pills. I can't even tell if they're working. 1200 01:16:43,624 --> 01:16:45,831 So stop taking them, and if you die, you'll know they work. 1201 01:16:48,379 --> 01:16:50,336 Yeah. Better safe than sorry, you mean. 1202 01:16:50,464 --> 01:16:52,873 Mm-hmm. Better safe than sorry. 1203 01:16:53,009 --> 01:16:54,551 Go talk to a lawyer. 1204 01:17:04,187 --> 01:17:05,182 Abbie? 1205 01:17:06,731 --> 01:17:07,929 Abbie? 1206 01:17:29,170 --> 01:17:31,662 Those are good arguments, Robert. 1207 01:17:31,799 --> 01:17:37,753 You're the biological father, and obviously you're a caring person. You've been involved. 1208 01:17:37,888 --> 01:17:41,304 We've got a decent chance at joint custody, and if we can get that... 1209 01:17:41,433 --> 01:17:44,636 we'll be able to keep her from leaving the state with Sam. 1210 01:17:44,770 --> 01:17:47,391 Now, the fact that you're gay isn't gonna help us... 1211 01:17:47,522 --> 01:17:50,274 and if this goes to court, we better hope for a sympathetic judge... 1212 01:17:50,401 --> 01:17:54,350 and I could tell you right now there aren't many of them. 1213 01:17:54,488 --> 01:17:57,110 Uh, are there any grounds on which you can demonstrate... 1214 01:17:57,241 --> 01:17:59,566 that Ms Reynolds is a bad mother? 1215 01:18:02,121 --> 01:18:04,825 - No. - Can she, uh, and Mr Cooper... 1216 01:18:04,957 --> 01:18:06,831 provide a roof over Sam's head? 1217 01:18:06,959 --> 01:18:09,284 - Mm-hmm. - Does she have a drinking problem? 1218 01:18:09,419 --> 01:18:11,412 - No. - Drug problem? 1219 01:18:11,547 --> 01:18:13,456 - No. - Is she a smoker? 1220 01:18:13,591 --> 01:18:15,998 Smoking's grounds for custody? 1221 01:18:16,134 --> 01:18:19,919 There's a case in Massachusetts right now testing the waters. You never know. 1222 01:18:20,055 --> 01:18:24,764 No, I, uh, I made her give up ten years ago. Idiot. 1223 01:18:26,103 --> 01:18:29,554 All righty, let's see. Uh, is she promiscuous? 1224 01:18:29,690 --> 01:18:31,647 - No. - Abusive? 1225 01:18:31,776 --> 01:18:34,065 - Uh-uh. - Mentally unstable? 1226 01:18:34,195 --> 01:18:36,816 - No. - Emotionally unstable? 1227 01:18:40,702 --> 01:18:42,741 Well, not until now. 1228 01:19:11,316 --> 01:19:13,723 Hey. Why are you awake? 1229 01:19:13,860 --> 01:19:16,434 I was thinking about Daddy. 1230 01:19:16,571 --> 01:19:18,979 Yeah? What were you thinkin'? 1231 01:19:22,619 --> 01:19:26,746 You know when I get a stomachache, and you make me tea and toast? 1232 01:19:26,873 --> 01:19:28,581 Yeah. 1233 01:19:28,708 --> 01:19:32,207 Well, if Dad gets a stomachache... 1234 01:19:32,337 --> 01:19:34,377 who's gonna make him tea and toast? 1235 01:19:35,924 --> 01:19:38,711 When Daddy gets sick or when I get sick... 1236 01:19:38,843 --> 01:19:42,378 we make our own tea and toast, because we're grown-ups. 1237 01:19:42,514 --> 01:19:45,515 - It's not the same. - No, I know. 1238 01:19:45,642 --> 01:19:47,350 It isn't the same. 1239 01:19:47,477 --> 01:19:51,522 Daddy's fine. He doesn't have a stomachache. 1240 01:19:52,774 --> 01:19:56,607 I'm afraid that Daddy doesn't know that I love him. 1241 01:19:57,654 --> 01:19:59,980 Oh, honey, Daddy knows you love him. 1242 01:20:02,242 --> 01:20:05,244 If you like, you can call him in the morning and you can tell him. 1243 01:20:06,205 --> 01:20:08,447 - Would you like that? - Yeah. 1244 01:20:10,792 --> 01:20:15,122 - Can I sleep with you a little while? - Mm, yeah. 1245 01:20:15,256 --> 01:20:16,454 Okay. 1246 01:20:21,762 --> 01:20:24,763 - I love you, Mommy. - What, baby? 1247 01:20:24,890 --> 01:20:26,218 I love you, Mommy. 1248 01:20:27,517 --> 01:20:30,603 - But I love Daddy too. - I know. 1249 01:20:46,746 --> 01:20:48,074 Can I come in? 1250 01:20:51,918 --> 01:20:53,792 I got the summons. 1251 01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:56,161 Well, I assumed you already had a toaster. 1252 01:20:56,964 --> 01:20:58,589 Please don't go through with this. 1253 01:21:00,134 --> 01:21:02,804 - You gave me no choice. - You scared me. 1254 01:21:02,928 --> 01:21:05,420 Why? What do you think I was gonna do? 1255 01:21:05,557 --> 01:21:09,175 Something crazy, like kidnap Sam before you did? 1256 01:21:09,311 --> 01:21:12,975 I had to. The situation was just becoming too unhealthy for him. 1257 01:21:14,524 --> 01:21:18,189 Unhealthy for Sam, or inconvenient for you and Ben? 1258 01:21:19,362 --> 01:21:23,146 You know what Ben means to me. Why can't you just give me this chance? 1259 01:21:23,282 --> 01:21:24,564 Why? Why should I? 1260 01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:29,538 Because you love me. 1261 01:21:31,458 --> 01:21:32,786 I love Sam. 1262 01:21:34,586 --> 01:21:36,544 Look, why can't we just find a solution. 1263 01:21:36,671 --> 01:21:39,341 - So you do what you want.Just bring Sam back, or the courts will. - No. 1264 01:21:39,466 --> 01:21:40,545 - That's not what my lawyer says. - No, they won't. 1265 01:21:40,675 --> 01:21:42,633 She says I have a good chance. I have legal rights. 1266 01:21:42,761 --> 01:21:45,216 - Robert, no. - Yes! - Robert. 1267 01:21:49,601 --> 01:21:51,759 Robert, you're not Sam's father. 1268 01:21:52,729 --> 01:21:56,395 - What you talking about? - I'm saying you're not his biological father. 1269 01:21:56,525 --> 01:21:58,813 My God. You'll say anything to get your own way, won't you? 1270 01:21:58,944 --> 01:22:01,862 You don't know how much I wish it wasn't true. 1271 01:22:01,988 --> 01:22:03,946 You didn't sleep with anybody else. I would have known. 1272 01:22:04,074 --> 01:22:06,910 You didn't open a can of tuna without giving me a 20-minute field report. 1273 01:22:10,497 --> 01:22:11,529 Liar. 1274 01:22:12,916 --> 01:22:14,874 - You're a fucking liar! - No! 1275 01:22:15,002 --> 01:22:16,959 Remember when Sam had his tonsils out? 1276 01:22:17,087 --> 01:22:20,836 Okay, they did a blood test. He's B-positive, and we're both O. 1277 01:22:25,096 --> 01:22:28,381 You've known about this for three years, and you didn't tell me? 1278 01:22:28,516 --> 01:22:29,511 I couldn't. 1279 01:22:29,642 --> 01:22:31,433 I didn't know how to. 1280 01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:34,478 But that means, right from the very beginning... 1281 01:22:34,605 --> 01:22:36,645 you always knew there was a chance... 1282 01:22:37,858 --> 01:22:39,685 Oh, my God, I can't even remember his name. 1283 01:22:39,819 --> 01:22:43,022 - I never believed that it was Kevin's. - Kevin. 1284 01:22:43,155 --> 01:22:46,856 And besides, I wanted the father to be the most wonderful man that I knew. 1285 01:22:46,993 --> 01:22:48,368 I didn't wanna hurt you. 1286 01:22:50,538 --> 01:22:51,783 You betrayed me! 1287 01:22:55,794 --> 01:22:57,951 I was thinking it didn't matter anyway. 1288 01:22:58,087 --> 01:22:59,367 Why? 1289 01:22:59,505 --> 01:23:02,542 Because you're his father in every way that really counts. 1290 01:23:02,675 --> 01:23:04,466 The blood is irrelevant. 1291 01:23:05,804 --> 01:23:07,842 It's not so irrelevant now, is it? 1292 01:23:08,932 --> 01:23:11,054 It doesn't change a damn thing. 1293 01:23:12,310 --> 01:23:14,516 I'm sorry, Robert. Believe me, it does. 1294 01:23:16,481 --> 01:23:18,937 If you take me to court, then this is going with me. 1295 01:23:20,318 --> 01:23:23,818 For Sam's sake, please don't take it this far. 1296 01:23:23,947 --> 01:23:25,738 So what are you offering me? 1297 01:23:26,574 --> 01:23:28,401 Three weeks in the summer? 1298 01:23:28,535 --> 01:23:30,658 A photograph to put on my refrigerator door? 1299 01:23:32,414 --> 01:23:33,872 You owe me more than that. 1300 01:23:33,999 --> 01:23:36,489 I don't owe you the rest of my life. 1301 01:23:36,626 --> 01:23:38,666 And what about Sam's life? 1302 01:23:39,963 --> 01:23:42,039 What about my life? 1303 01:23:53,351 --> 01:23:57,599 Okay. So Sam has a biological father who doesn't know anything about him. 1304 01:23:57,731 --> 01:24:00,056 The chances are pretty good he doesn't wanna know. 1305 01:24:00,191 --> 01:24:03,193 Uh, we could argue some sort of malicious intent... 1306 01:24:03,319 --> 01:24:06,571 on her part to conceal that information... 1307 01:24:06,698 --> 01:24:09,154 and, uh, it would probably hurt her. 1308 01:24:09,284 --> 01:24:12,071 On the other hand, I don't see how it can possibly help you. 1309 01:24:12,204 --> 01:24:15,703 The courts always try to link parental rights to biology... 1310 01:24:15,833 --> 01:24:18,667 except in cases where the child's life is in extreme danger. 1311 01:24:20,671 --> 01:24:24,419 I don't know what to tell you, Robert. You don't have a case. 1312 01:24:25,592 --> 01:24:28,048 Oh, but six years. I mean, it's gotta count for something. 1313 01:24:28,179 --> 01:24:32,306 - We can still go to court, right? - Well, anybody can go to court, but if you want my advice... 1314 01:24:34,017 --> 01:24:36,057 I won't give up Sam. 1315 01:24:37,021 --> 01:24:40,520 Then take Abbie up on her offer to compromise. 1316 01:24:40,649 --> 01:24:42,689 Maybe we can work something out privately... 1317 01:24:42,818 --> 01:24:45,274 before this gets any uglier or more expensive. 1318 01:24:45,405 --> 01:24:46,863 It doesn't matter. 1319 01:24:46,990 --> 01:24:49,361 She's got to acknowledge my rights as a father. 1320 01:24:49,492 --> 01:24:52,576 Robert, do you understand that a case like this can break you? 1321 01:24:53,872 --> 01:24:56,623 And in the end, you probably won't have Sam. 1322 01:25:11,597 --> 01:25:12,973 I'll just be a minute. 1323 01:25:24,443 --> 01:25:27,777 Your mother says your lawyer told you to drop the case. 1324 01:25:27,905 --> 01:25:30,575 Well, you know lawyers. Always out to save you a buck. 1325 01:25:30,701 --> 01:25:33,487 - Can't say that any of this surprises me. - Oh, don't start on me now, Dad. 1326 01:25:33,620 --> 01:25:35,862 I know I should never have stuck my toes in the gene pool in the first place... 1327 01:25:35,998 --> 01:25:38,998 but if you've come here to tell me "I told you so," say it and let's get on to something else, okay? 1328 01:25:40,585 --> 01:25:43,420 You're going to need a little help if you're going to get my grandson back. 1329 01:25:43,546 --> 01:25:46,547 - He's not your grandson. - Well, he's the closest I'll ever see. 1330 01:25:52,848 --> 01:25:55,303 Now, that's not a gift. 1331 01:25:55,434 --> 01:25:58,803 Perhaps you can come and fix up our garden sometime. 1332 01:26:06,820 --> 01:26:08,148 Thanks, Dad. 1333 01:26:10,449 --> 01:26:13,865 Get your boy back. You need to. 1334 01:26:30,511 --> 01:26:33,263 Robert. They're ready for us. 1335 01:26:42,773 --> 01:26:44,932 Don't look over there. You'll just get upset. 1336 01:26:45,693 --> 01:26:48,481 I've gone over your preliminary statements. 1337 01:26:48,613 --> 01:26:51,364 Ms Reynolds, you and Mr Cooper... 1338 01:26:51,491 --> 01:26:53,862 are presently not married, is that right? 1339 01:26:53,993 --> 01:26:56,401 Yes, Your Honour, but we're engaged. 1340 01:26:56,537 --> 01:26:59,871 It's a very short engagement. Later this summer we... 1341 01:26:59,999 --> 01:27:03,618 The child's natural father... he has no interest here? 1342 01:27:03,753 --> 01:27:04,916 No. 1343 01:27:05,963 --> 01:27:08,716 Mr Whittaker, you're requesting joint custody. 1344 01:27:08,842 --> 01:27:10,549 Yes, Your Honour. 1345 01:27:10,676 --> 01:27:12,752 What makes you think you're entitled to that? 1346 01:27:14,221 --> 01:27:18,220 - Well, I've been Sam's father since... - Objection. Your Honour... 1347 01:27:19,435 --> 01:27:22,638 since Mr Whittaker has neither legal nor biological paternity here... 1348 01:27:22,772 --> 01:27:25,394 it is completely inappropriate for him to refer to himself... 1349 01:27:25,525 --> 01:27:27,185 as "the father." 1350 01:27:27,319 --> 01:27:29,311 Perhaps he could use the term... 1351 01:27:29,445 --> 01:27:31,189 "caregiver"? 1352 01:27:31,322 --> 01:27:32,438 "Caregiver"? 1353 01:27:32,573 --> 01:27:34,815 Your Honour, my client has been living with Ms Reynolds... 1354 01:27:34,951 --> 01:27:36,326 since the child was born. 1355 01:27:36,453 --> 01:27:38,659 He's performed all the daily functions of a father. 1356 01:27:38,789 --> 01:27:41,077 Sam acknowledges him as his father. 1357 01:27:41,207 --> 01:27:46,450 For the sake of clarity, I think it's best that Mr Whittaker be referred to as caregiver... 1358 01:27:46,588 --> 01:27:48,415 in these proceedings. 1359 01:27:48,548 --> 01:27:49,959 Thank you, Your Honour. 1360 01:27:50,926 --> 01:27:52,254 Mr Whittaker... 1361 01:27:52,386 --> 01:27:56,299 did you live for five years with a certain Eric Walker? 1362 01:27:56,431 --> 01:27:57,630 Yes. 1363 01:27:57,766 --> 01:27:59,509 And what was the nature of that relationship? 1364 01:27:59,642 --> 01:28:01,682 - Objection, Your Honour. - Overruled. 1365 01:28:01,812 --> 01:28:03,092 We were together. 1366 01:28:03,230 --> 01:28:07,097 Is this the same Eric Walker that's now serving a five-year prison sentence for drug possession? 1367 01:28:07,234 --> 01:28:10,769 Yes, but I haven't seen him for seven years. This has nothing to do with anything. 1368 01:28:11,530 --> 01:28:13,855 Mr Whittaker, on October 8th of last year... 1369 01:28:13,991 --> 01:28:17,859 did you go to a nightclub in Santa Monica called... 1370 01:28:17,995 --> 01:28:20,201 Sit and Spin? 1371 01:28:22,416 --> 01:28:23,661 I don't remember. 1372 01:28:24,710 --> 01:28:26,868 Sit and Spin's a gay club, isn't it? 1373 01:28:27,004 --> 01:28:30,088 - I hadn't noticed. Probably. - Did you notice drug use going on? 1374 01:28:30,215 --> 01:28:31,923 - No. - Mr Whittaker, is it true... 1375 01:28:32,050 --> 01:28:34,968 that you're an active member in several militant gay organizations? 1376 01:28:35,095 --> 01:28:37,847 I used to help distribute food to AIDS patients. I'd hardly call that militant. 1377 01:28:37,974 --> 01:28:41,425 - Does Sam understand that you're gay? - No, not really. 1378 01:28:41,561 --> 01:28:44,051 Have you ever tried to explain to him your sexual proclivities? 1379 01:28:44,188 --> 01:28:45,813 No, he's a six-year-old boy. 1380 01:28:47,483 --> 01:28:50,650 Wait. He once asked me why I didn't sleep with his mother. 1381 01:28:50,778 --> 01:28:53,067 - And what did you tell him? - She snores. 1382 01:28:54,615 --> 01:28:58,115 Mr Whittaker, has Sam ever seen you have oral sex with another man? 1383 01:28:58,244 --> 01:28:59,619 - What? - Stop it! 1384 01:28:59,746 --> 01:29:02,497 - Objection, Your Honour! - I said stop it. 1385 01:29:02,623 --> 01:29:05,328 Counsel, I suggest you confer with your client. 1386 01:29:09,589 --> 01:29:11,996 - Do you wanna win here, Abbie? - You said he didn't have a chance. 1387 01:29:12,133 --> 01:29:14,375 - You don't have to kick the shit out of him. - Your Honour... 1388 01:29:14,510 --> 01:29:17,179 this hearing is not about my client's sexual history. 1389 01:29:17,305 --> 01:29:18,965 No, it's about his character... 1390 01:29:19,098 --> 01:29:21,934 and whether he has the type of character that would lead anyone to trust him... 1391 01:29:22,060 --> 01:29:24,729 with shared custody of a young boy. 1392 01:29:24,854 --> 01:29:25,933 Your Honour... 1393 01:29:26,064 --> 01:29:27,807 you want to know about my character? 1394 01:29:27,941 --> 01:29:29,518 I'll tell you. 1395 01:29:29,651 --> 01:29:32,568 I am an active father. 1396 01:29:32,695 --> 01:29:34,569 - Caregiver, please. - Father! 1397 01:29:38,243 --> 01:29:41,908 I'm a father to a boy who I love to death. 1398 01:29:43,582 --> 01:29:46,203 I've been living with a woman who until recently... 1399 01:29:46,334 --> 01:29:48,374 was my best friend in the whole world. 1400 01:29:49,462 --> 01:29:51,870 I'm also a homosexual man. 1401 01:29:53,300 --> 01:29:54,544 That's who I am. 1402 01:29:57,346 --> 01:30:00,430 - What does that make me? - I don't know. 1403 01:30:00,557 --> 01:30:03,558 - A hypocrite? - Your Honour, objection! 1404 01:30:03,685 --> 01:30:06,390 - I withdraw the comment. - It's getting late. 1405 01:30:06,521 --> 01:30:09,013 We'll take a recess until Monday morning. 1406 01:30:09,150 --> 01:30:11,722 Ms Reynolds, you will allow Mr Whittaker... 1407 01:30:11,860 --> 01:30:14,316 a visitation with Sam this Sunday. 1408 01:30:19,410 --> 01:30:23,621 Stayed true to the things I knew when I was younger 1409 01:30:25,082 --> 01:30:28,201 Food and love, that's all that's left of hunger 1410 01:30:28,335 --> 01:30:30,078 ...at least another three singles. 1411 01:30:30,212 --> 01:30:34,080 I mean, we're just gonna have to dump the album. How much money have we invested in these guys so far? 1412 01:30:34,216 --> 01:30:37,217 Yeah, we're not gonna spend another dime. Oh, please. 1413 01:30:37,344 --> 01:30:38,720 Like I care. 1414 01:30:39,972 --> 01:30:41,680 Excuse me. 1415 01:30:44,101 --> 01:30:45,679 I'll call you back. 1416 01:30:48,313 --> 01:30:51,896 You probably don't remember me. At least, uh, I hope you don't. 1417 01:30:52,026 --> 01:30:54,149 Oh, I... I remember you. 1418 01:30:54,278 --> 01:30:56,769 I need to talk to you about something important. 1419 01:30:58,490 --> 01:31:00,530 Don't worry. I'm not gonna make a scene. 1420 01:31:06,666 --> 01:31:08,991 After Abbie and you split up... 1421 01:31:09,127 --> 01:31:11,084 did you ever see each other again? 1422 01:31:12,755 --> 01:31:16,005 - Maybe one more time? - I don't know. What business is it of yours? 1423 01:31:21,222 --> 01:31:22,253 His name's Sam. 1424 01:31:24,809 --> 01:31:27,015 - What? - Just turned six. 1425 01:31:30,565 --> 01:31:33,317 - Oh, no way, man! - Come on. Look. He's got your chin. 1426 01:31:34,486 --> 01:31:36,775 I'm an idiot. I didn't see it before. 1427 01:31:37,864 --> 01:31:40,818 Look, if she sent you here looking for money, this isn't exactly the right time. 1428 01:31:40,950 --> 01:31:45,031 No, no. As a matter of fact, she's counting on you having absolutely no interest at all. 1429 01:31:45,163 --> 01:31:48,200 - So what's this got to do with me? - I need your help. 1430 01:31:57,968 --> 01:31:59,676 Hey, Sam! 1431 01:32:03,557 --> 01:32:04,968 Slow down! 1432 01:32:06,560 --> 01:32:08,137 Ya-hoo! 1433 01:32:08,270 --> 01:32:10,346 Come on. Come on. Turn right! Turn right! Turn right! 1434 01:32:10,481 --> 01:32:12,189 - Wow! - Okay, let's go. 1435 01:32:14,275 --> 01:32:16,315 You can't get me! Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah! 1436 01:32:16,445 --> 01:32:18,734 - I can get you back. - Ha! I got you! 1437 01:32:18,864 --> 01:32:21,402 Hey, Kevin. Glad you could come. 1438 01:32:21,533 --> 01:32:24,783 Sam, this is an old friend of mine, Kevin. Say hi. 1439 01:32:24,912 --> 01:32:27,035 - Hi. - No, say hi properly. 1440 01:32:28,916 --> 01:32:30,992 It's very nice to meet you. 1441 01:32:32,878 --> 01:32:34,917 Sam. That's a good name. 1442 01:32:39,427 --> 01:32:41,383 It's full of Japanese people. 1443 01:32:45,641 --> 01:32:47,599 - Is it true, or are you joking? - What? 1444 01:32:47,727 --> 01:32:50,300 Is that true about the tidal wave? Will it happen? 1445 01:32:54,317 --> 01:32:56,439 - Whoa! - He calls you Daddy. 1446 01:32:56,568 --> 01:32:58,442 I've been his father since the day he was born. 1447 01:32:58,571 --> 01:33:00,729 So what's this got to do with me? 1448 01:33:00,865 --> 01:33:02,988 Mm, I need your help. 1449 01:33:03,117 --> 01:33:06,735 - I need you to sue for joint custody. - What? 1450 01:33:06,871 --> 01:33:10,322 Abbie's getting married. Her fianc� lives in New York. She wants to take Sam there. 1451 01:33:10,458 --> 01:33:12,700 I can't stop them because I'm not legally the father. 1452 01:33:12,836 --> 01:33:15,457 - I don't think I can get involved in this. - No, no, no, no, listen. 1453 01:33:15,588 --> 01:33:17,914 I'll pay all the court costs. 1454 01:33:18,049 --> 01:33:20,207 I'll pay for your time, whatever it takes. 1455 01:33:20,343 --> 01:33:23,095 They'll give you joint custody, and once they do, we'll make our own arrangement. 1456 01:33:23,221 --> 01:33:26,139 I'll take full responsibility for him. You never have to see him again if you don't want to. 1457 01:33:26,266 --> 01:33:28,887 - I can't agree to something like this. - Hey, Dad! - Hey! 1458 01:33:30,979 --> 01:33:32,556 Please help me. 1459 01:33:34,148 --> 01:33:35,346 Please? 1460 01:33:36,192 --> 01:33:39,193 This... This is crazy. I can't help you. I'm sorry. 1461 01:33:45,660 --> 01:33:47,700 Before I announce my ruling... 1462 01:33:47,829 --> 01:33:50,402 does anyone have anything else to add? 1463 01:33:53,126 --> 01:33:54,620 I do, Your Honour. 1464 01:33:56,797 --> 01:33:59,168 Seems like I've spent my whole life thinking about blood. 1465 01:34:00,717 --> 01:34:02,626 Worrying about blood. 1466 01:34:03,762 --> 01:34:04,841 And blood... 1467 01:34:06,097 --> 01:34:09,716 Well, it's just like shit. We're all full of it. 1468 01:34:11,311 --> 01:34:13,518 It's good, it gets bad... 1469 01:34:13,647 --> 01:34:15,686 but it's not who we are. 1470 01:34:17,275 --> 01:34:19,731 Being a parent... a real parent... 1471 01:34:19,862 --> 01:34:21,901 takes more than DNA. 1472 01:34:22,031 --> 01:34:25,566 No one can hand it to you, and no one can... can take it away. 1473 01:34:26,869 --> 01:34:29,193 I have earned my right to be Sam's father. 1474 01:34:30,789 --> 01:34:32,912 So, no matter what you decide... 1475 01:34:34,085 --> 01:34:36,124 Sam is my son... 1476 01:34:36,253 --> 01:34:37,877 forever and always. 1477 01:34:40,007 --> 01:34:41,715 Mr Whittaker... 1478 01:34:41,842 --> 01:34:45,792 I know how deeply attached you are to this child... 1479 01:34:45,930 --> 01:34:49,050 and that you've been an exemplary parent. 1480 01:34:50,017 --> 01:34:55,012 And I personally believe that love and devotion should not go unrewarded... 1481 01:34:55,147 --> 01:35:00,224 but my job is to adjudicate the laws of the state of California... 1482 01:35:00,361 --> 01:35:02,687 and at this time I have no choice... 1483 01:35:02,821 --> 01:35:06,866 but to grant sole custody to Sam's mother... 1484 01:35:08,160 --> 01:35:09,406 Abbie Reynolds. 1485 01:35:17,963 --> 01:35:19,587 Are you all right, darling? 1486 01:35:26,263 --> 01:35:29,133 Excuse me, Your Honour. May I approach the bench? 1487 01:35:29,265 --> 01:35:32,681 - What's this about? - Well, my client feels he has a stake in this case. 1488 01:35:32,811 --> 01:35:35,432 - Your client? - Kevin Lassiter, Your Honour. 1489 01:35:35,563 --> 01:35:38,647 - I'm Sam's natural father, Your Honour. - You're a little late. 1490 01:35:38,775 --> 01:35:41,183 I didn't find out till last week. Abbie never told me. 1491 01:35:41,861 --> 01:35:44,863 - Is that true, Ms Reynolds? - Yes. 1492 01:35:44,989 --> 01:35:48,276 Your Honour, we'd like to present evidence proving that Mr Lassiter has a good steady job... 1493 01:35:48,409 --> 01:35:50,651 and a sizable extended family in the area. 1494 01:35:50,787 --> 01:35:55,247 Are you asking for shared custody, Mr Lassiter? 1495 01:35:55,375 --> 01:35:58,708 I just want to be able to spend enough time with him to find out. 1496 01:35:58,837 --> 01:36:03,084 - I'm asking to know him. - Counsellors, approach the bench. 1497 01:36:09,473 --> 01:36:11,881 - Why didn't you tell me? - Look, I meant what I said. 1498 01:36:12,016 --> 01:36:14,769 I gotta figure this out for myself. I gotta get to know my son. 1499 01:36:14,895 --> 01:36:16,555 - Oh, sure, we can... - No. 1500 01:36:16,689 --> 01:36:19,475 This is between me and Sam. This has nothing to do with you. 1501 01:36:22,360 --> 01:36:24,400 Look, I'm just being honest. 1502 01:36:33,080 --> 01:36:35,156 In light of this recent development... 1503 01:36:36,417 --> 01:36:39,833 I will not render judgment in this matter... 1504 01:36:39,962 --> 01:36:43,877 until a custodial examination is completed. 1505 01:36:44,008 --> 01:36:46,878 We will reconvene four months from today... 1506 01:36:47,011 --> 01:36:50,261 on November 15th, and Ms Reynolds... 1507 01:36:50,389 --> 01:36:53,805 will have temporary custody of the child... 1508 01:36:53,935 --> 01:36:57,470 but will not be allowed to leave the state of California... 1509 01:36:57,604 --> 01:37:00,559 pending further order of this court. 1510 01:37:04,820 --> 01:37:07,027 Sorry, Robert. I know how difficult this is. 1511 01:37:14,663 --> 01:37:16,906 - You son of a bitch! - Come on. Don't. 1512 01:37:17,041 --> 01:37:20,208 - I did what I had to do. - You had to bring that guy back into my life... 1513 01:37:20,336 --> 01:37:22,495 back into Sam's life forever. 1514 01:37:22,631 --> 01:37:26,462 - You gave me no choice, Abbie. - You had a choice. You had a choice. 1515 01:37:26,592 --> 01:37:30,341 - For as long as you live, you will never be able to take this back. - Abbie, let's go. Come on. 1516 01:37:32,390 --> 01:37:34,430 Robert, I'm so sorry. 1517 01:38:30,532 --> 01:38:32,988 - Hey, Robert. - Hi, Ben. 1518 01:38:33,118 --> 01:38:34,281 How ya doin'? 1519 01:38:35,704 --> 01:38:37,744 Don't worry. I never let him see me. 1520 01:38:37,873 --> 01:38:41,788 Look, um, I'm... I'm sorry about the way this all... 1521 01:38:43,421 --> 01:38:44,879 You know. 1522 01:38:46,257 --> 01:38:48,713 - Didn't leave. - Nah. 1523 01:38:48,842 --> 01:38:51,334 I didn't... I didn't take the partnership, and I left the firm. 1524 01:38:52,596 --> 01:38:54,553 You do what you have to, you know? 1525 01:38:56,141 --> 01:38:59,059 - How's Kevin? - We saw him once... 1526 01:38:59,186 --> 01:39:01,345 but that was months ago. 1527 01:39:01,480 --> 01:39:04,647 - Where's Sam? - He's inside with Abbie. 1528 01:39:04,775 --> 01:39:07,017 - Teacher conference. - What did he do? 1529 01:39:07,153 --> 01:39:08,351 He's got a reading problem. 1530 01:39:08,488 --> 01:39:12,355 Won't keep his book right side up. Thinks his version is better. 1531 01:39:12,491 --> 01:39:14,234 - Dad! - Sam! 1532 01:39:14,368 --> 01:39:16,491 - Hi. - Sam, come back here right now. 1533 01:39:16,621 --> 01:39:18,578 - Dad! - Sam, over here right now! 1534 01:39:18,706 --> 01:39:20,248 - But, Mom... - Get in the car. 1535 01:39:20,375 --> 01:39:23,162 D-Dad! Dad! 1536 01:39:23,294 --> 01:39:25,453 - Dad! - Look, uh... 1537 01:39:27,132 --> 01:39:28,329 It's too soon. 1538 01:39:31,218 --> 01:39:32,464 Maybe someday, huh? 1539 01:39:48,319 --> 01:39:49,483 Window. 1540 01:41:04,856 --> 01:41:07,144 We really messed up, didn't we? 1541 01:41:11,112 --> 01:41:12,440 How's Sam? 1542 01:41:13,573 --> 01:41:16,360 He's fine. He misses you. 1543 01:41:22,790 --> 01:41:24,118 I miss you. 1544 01:41:30,674 --> 01:41:32,049 I miss us. 1545 01:41:44,729 --> 01:41:46,722 Go have dinner with your father. 1546 01:41:46,856 --> 01:41:49,643 - Dad! - Sam! 1547 01:41:51,736 --> 01:41:54,737 - How are you? How are you? - Great, but no more daddies, okay? 1548 01:41:56,240 --> 01:41:57,617 Right. 1549 01:42:00,161 --> 01:42:02,238 Just have him back after dinner, okay? 1550 01:42:03,790 --> 01:42:06,363 What do you want to have for dinner, son? Hmm? Huh? 1551 01:42:06,501 --> 01:42:09,171 It's Thursday. We have roast beast on Thursdays. 1552 01:42:10,547 --> 01:42:12,873 You're so right. We do. 1553 01:42:16,720 --> 01:42:19,176 - I love you, Sam. - I love you, Daddy. 1554 01:43:10,716 --> 01:43:13,337 Did you write the book of love 1555 01:43:13,468 --> 01:43:18,297 And do you have faith in God above 1556 01:43:18,431 --> 01:43:22,928 If the Bible tells you so 1557 01:43:23,062 --> 01:43:27,059 Now do you believe in rock and roll 1558 01:43:27,190 --> 01:43:31,236 And can music save your mortal soul 1559 01:43:31,362 --> 01:43:35,146 And can you teach me how to dance 1560 01:43:35,282 --> 01:43:38,449 real slow 1561 01:43:38,577 --> 01:43:42,361 Well, I know that you're in love with him 1562 01:43:42,498 --> 01:43:46,710 'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym 1563 01:43:46,836 --> 01:43:50,039 You both kicked off your shoes 1564 01:43:50,173 --> 01:43:53,920 Man, I dig those rhythm and blues 1565 01:43:54,051 --> 01:43:58,049 I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck 1566 01:43:58,181 --> 01:44:01,881 With a pink carnation and a pickup truck 1567 01:44:02,018 --> 01:44:05,766 But I knew that I was out of luck 1568 01:44:05,896 --> 01:44:07,770 The day 1569 01:44:07,898 --> 01:44:12,276 The music died 1570 01:44:12,403 --> 01:44:17,066 I started singin' Bye, bye, Miss American Pie 1571 01:44:17,200 --> 01:44:21,494 Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry 1572 01:44:21,621 --> 01:44:25,072 And good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1573 01:44:25,208 --> 01:44:29,454 Singin' this'll be the day that I die 1574 01:44:29,587 --> 01:44:33,585 This'll be the day that I die 1575 01:44:39,597 --> 01:44:42,349 I met a girl who sang the blues 1576 01:44:42,476 --> 01:44:47,102 And I asked her for some happy news 1577 01:44:47,230 --> 01:44:50,564 But she just smiled and turned away 1578 01:44:52,194 --> 01:44:56,143 Well, I went down to the sacred store 1579 01:44:56,281 --> 01:45:00,195 Where I'd heard the music years before 1580 01:45:00,327 --> 01:45:03,446 But the man there said the music 1581 01:45:03,580 --> 01:45:07,495 Wouldn't play 1582 01:45:07,626 --> 01:45:11,837 Well, now, in the streets the children screamed 1583 01:45:11,963 --> 01:45:16,127 The lovers cried and the poets dreamed 1584 01:45:16,260 --> 01:45:19,546 But not a word was spoken 1585 01:45:19,680 --> 01:45:22,966 The church bells all were broken 1586 01:45:23,100 --> 01:45:27,311 And the three men I admire the most 1587 01:45:27,438 --> 01:45:31,649 The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost 1588 01:45:31,775 --> 01:45:34,812 They caught the last train for the coast 1589 01:45:34,945 --> 01:45:36,819 The day 1590 01:45:36,947 --> 01:45:41,325 The music died 1591 01:45:41,452 --> 01:45:46,244 We started singin' Bye, bye, Miss American Pie 1592 01:45:46,374 --> 01:45:50,501 Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry 1593 01:45:50,627 --> 01:45:54,127 And good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1594 01:45:54,256 --> 01:45:58,504 Singin' this'll be the day that I die 1595 01:45:58,635 --> 01:46:02,336 This'll be the day that I die 1596 01:46:16,320 --> 01:46:19,155 Bye, bye, Miss American Pie 1597 01:46:19,282 --> 01:46:23,446 Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry 1598 01:46:23,578 --> 01:46:27,030 And good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1599 01:46:27,165 --> 01:46:31,412 Singin' this'll be the day that I die 1600 01:46:31,544 --> 01:46:35,542 This'll be the day that I die 1601 01:46:35,673 --> 01:46:40,383 We started singin' Bye, bye, Miss American Pie 1602 01:46:40,512 --> 01:46:44,723 Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry 1603 01:46:44,849 --> 01:46:48,301 And good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and rye 1604 01:46:48,436 --> 01:46:52,647 Singin' this'll be the day that I die 1605 01:46:52,774 --> 01:46:56,854 This'll be the day that I die 1606 01:46:56,987 --> 01:47:00,652 We started singin' 1607 01:47:00,783 --> 01:47:04,566 We started singin' 1608 01:47:04,702 --> 01:47:08,403 We started singin' 1609 01:47:08,540 --> 01:47:10,866 We started singin' 133075