Original subtitles

Previously on "Grand Crew"...

Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Yes.

- Nice. - But...

- Oh, no. - My visa just expired.

So I have to go back to Montreal next week.

Who does your partner secretly want to smash?

- Ooh, Anthony. - What?

both: What? - Z-what?

No, no, no.

Did you sleep with my brother? And don't you lie to me.

Yes, like, three times last night.

Didn't need to know how many rounds you went.

Just wanted a yes or no.

Crushes come and go.

The important thing is that we can stay friends

because he never found out about my feelings.

[hip-hop beat]

This is gonna sound crazy,

but I realized that I can stay in the country

and--and we could stay together if...

we got married.

Noah, will you marry me?

Simone...

I...

I know pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

[cheers and applause] Come on, y'all.

[vocalizing]

♪

♪ Caught up in the rapture of love ♪

♪ Nothing else can compare

♪ When I feel the magic of you ♪

[vocalizing]

♪

[sustained beep]

I know your parents were truly in love

because they died at the same time.

[crying] Thanks, Doc.

You know, their love story only happened

because my dad married my mom to keep her in the country.

What a fantastic leap of faith.

♪ Warm my heart

Wait a second.

Are you Noah "Sax Daddy" Jr., the global phenomenon

who single-handedly brought jazz music

back into the mainstream? - That's me.

And it's all thanks to my dead parents.

♪ Baby

♪ You let my love fly free

Let's do it for Sax Daddy.

- What? - Uh, nothing.

I mean, yes. Yes, let's get married!

- Yes? - Yes!

- Yes? - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

♪ Whoop, whoop

♪ Cabernet and sauvignon

♪ Team is here, and now it's on ♪

♪ Carry on and Carignan, sippin' on Perignon ♪

♪ Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪

♪ Pull up in the spot like hello ♪

♪ If you got me, then I got you ♪

♪ This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, uh

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew

- You're marrying Simone? - Mm-hmm.

I know what you guys are thinking,

but this situation's different.

[all agree skeptically] - If you say so.

Seriously, I've given this a ton of thought.

I promise I'm not just getting caught up in all the excitement

of all this. [phone vibrates]

[screams, laughs]

It's my fiancée. Be right back.

Hey, fiancée.

He ain't changed, and this will end badly.

Boy is backsliding like a busted BBL.

We're not actually gonna let him

go through with this, are we? - I mean, what can we do?

My bro is a big old ho for monogamy.

He'll probably get cold feet.

I got cold feet real bad before I got married.

Why did you go through with it?

Everybody was already sitting down.

I mean, you can't reason with Noah's heart.

That's what makes him so sweet

and stupid and sad.

Regardless, someone needs to talk to Noah.

- Why me? - You're the married guy.

You're right.

I'll go and talk some sense into him.

All right, all right, see you soon.

Bye. - Hey, hey, hey, Noah.

Oh, Wyatt, just the man I was looking for.

- Hmm? - I want to ask you something.

We are getting Noah married, y'all,

and I'm gonna be his best man. - What?

- And it's in two hours. - Z-what?

It's the only appointment we can get.

If we don't get married today,

then Simone has to leave the country.

The only problem is it's all the way in Santa Monica,

and I don't have my car.

Same, but that's not a problem.

Sherm, you just started your own car service, right?

That's right--Jones Sons is fully operational

but much too new and too expensive

to be giving out friends and family discounts.

I'll pay you double.

Well, let's get you married, my guy.

Noah, you know what would also be fun?

Is if we had, like, a little reception

for when you got back.

Nicky, Fay, could y'all put something together?

I'm sure Noah doesn't want any fuss.

I love fuss. I'm trying to get fussed up.

Perfect. This is your wedding day.

Okay, everybody, let's go!

[claps hands] Let's go, come on!

Sherm, I need to talk to you about music.

You were supposed to stop the wedding, Wyatt.

Okay, while I don't necessarily believe

that he should be getting married,

I've never been a best man before,

and that is a responsibility I don't take lightly.

Don't worry, Nicky. I'll go and change his mind.

And when we get back,

we can celebrate him avoiding a disaster.

Please, go stop my brother's dreams from coming true!

[hip-hop beat]

Now, this is a nice car.

Oh, you are taking this business seriously.

Yeah, it's time for me to figure out a career.

I love people, and I love driving.

So I leased this here Caddy, which I cannot afford,

and started Jones Sons Premium Luxury Car Service.

"Established in 1882"? Cars didn't even exist then.

Yeah, nothing on this card is true.

It's true if people believe it.

That's the world we live in now.

So I created a whole persona. I call him Sherman the Driver.

Either way, thank you so much

for helping me get to my wedding.

You're a good friend. - Yeah, Sherm.

It's almost surprising how supportive you're being.

[chuckles] Let's make one thing clear--

when I'm behind the wheel, I'm not Sherm, the friend.

I am Sherman the Driver.

And at Jones Sons, our motto is "We gon' get you there.

"No matter where you're going or why you're going to it,

it don't matter, baby, we got you!"

That's a long-ass motto.

Right, so as the best man,

I have one main responsibility--

bachelor-party time!

both: Hey! - No, no, no, no, no, no.

No drinking in the car. - Wait, why?

Because Sherman the Driver is a deacon

and does not partake in such secular activities.

Oh. [gospel music playing]

♪

[hip-hop beat]

What's up?

Hey, Michael. It's been a while.

Yeah, it has been a while.

What are you doing here, Michael?

Oh, well, Kristen's out of town,

so Wyatt asked me to bring some stuff by for the party.

Interesting-- Wyatt gets to take

a luxury car ride, and we get to do all the chores.

It be like that sometimes.

I'm happy to help. Got more boxes in the car.

So I'll be right back. - Thanks so much.

I'm actually gonna go grab more glasses.

[sarcastically] Yeah, he's so helpful.

[laughs sarcastically]

Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael.

[chuckles] Um, what are you doing here?

And that is a good question. What are any of us doing here?

I mean, we're born, we live, we die,

and for what?

I'm trying to figure it out, honestly.

Stop it. You know what I mean.

All right, don't worry. It's cool.

Nobody's gonna find out that I'm your boyfriend.

- Shh! - Don't shush your boyfriend.

That's not cool. - You are causing a scene.

I'm not making a scene. You're making a scene.

[both shushing]

Hey, you guys need an extra hand?

- No, we cool. - No.

- We're good. - No, we got this.

- You good? - I'm great.

[laughs] - Great.

Yeah, fantastic.

[hip-hop beat]

Hey, you look as beautiful as the day I met you...

three weeks ago. - Oh, thank you.

And you look so handsome.

Okay, so I'm already here,

because my friend Courtney lives in El Segundo

and gave me a ride.

How far out are you?

Oh, we should get there

with time to spare-- about, like, 30 minutes.

Wonderful. See you soon, fiancé!

[screams] - See you soon, fiancée!

[chuckles] [phone beeps]

Ah, that was my fiancée. - I gathered as much.

So, Noah, as an accountant,

I just want to make sure that you've thought

about the financial implications

of getting married-- it can be a real challenge.

But doesn't it also come with a bunch of tax advantages?

- Uh, yeah, but, you know-- - Listen, Noah's right.

Kristen and I have benefitted tremendously--

lower tax bracket, better deductions--

Shut up!

Sherm, you agree, right?

Sorry, brother-- Sherman the Driver

only engages in harmless small talk.

Ooh, a TGI Fridays. Have y'all ever been there?

My son just loves their onion rings.

- But you don't have a son. - But Sherman the Driver does.

And he's going to the NBA.

Hey, yo, what's going on with all this traffic?

They're calling it the "Car-pocalypse."

What? [horns honking]

No, w-we have to get to Santa Monica

in under an hour and a half. - Maybe it's not meant to be.

Not a problem. I know all the best shortcuts.

Just gonna turn off right here.

Don't worry. I got you.

[tires squeal, crash]

all: Oh! [steam hisses]

Oh, damn.

I don't got you.

[groans]

I didn't see him.

He just came out of nowhere like a maniac.

Sherm, I am very sorry about your car,

but please resolve this quickly.

We don't have a lot of time. - Don't worry, sir.

I can be calm and reasonable.

Uh-huh. Shouldn't be no issue, baby.

[chuckles] - Oh, my neck! [groans]

Hold up.

Ron Ron? - Sherm?

Man, what the hell are you doing here?

This is my shortcut, man!

I'm the one that put you onto this shortcut, man!

You did not put me onto this shortcut.

I put you onto this shortcut.

Oh, you gonna pay for this.

Oh, I'm done paying you, man.

Oh, then I'ma sue your broke ass.

Sue these knuckle balls, fool.

Oh, so you want to boogie-bop?

Yeah. So let's bop the boogie, then.

Oh, oh, oh. - Stop this, okay?

Just call Triple-A. It'll be a quick fix.

Ooh, yeah. This is gonna take forever.

I'm gonna have to tow 'em both to the shop.

- No! - Oh, man!

[panting] Time is running out--we got to move.

Are you sure you can't reschedule?

No, if we don't get the certificate stamped

with today's date, Simone is gonna get deported.

First the heavy traffic, then the accident.

Seems like the universe is sending you a sign.

Oh, stop putting words in the universe's mouth.

The universe just told me that you are wrong.

There's a train stop!

Everybody, come on, let's go. We're taking the Metro.

Wait! Where do you think you're going?

I need your insurance information.

I'm going to the chapel. The homey's getting married!

So you think you can just dip without paying for my damages?

We all going to the chapel.

Nah, that's not "chappening." You're not invited.

You're invited to this beatdown.

Everybody is invited if we just move!

[hip-hop beat]

Wyatt texted that Noah likes a red blend

with notes of leather and cherries.

- Mm. - Mm.

Not tasting leather. I'm getting more velvet.

Interesting, 'cause I'm getting hints of denim.

- Mm. - Khakis.

- Mm? - I mean, I'm just--

I don't really know-- I don't know.

Is wine supposed to taste like pants?

This isn't the one. I'm gonna go get more bottles.

So how long are you staying here?

I don't know--I guess until I want to go home,

play video games, smoke weed.

Michael, I'm not ready to tell my friends

that you are my-- - Boyfriend?

Keep your voice down.

I thought you liked it when I made noise.

Oh, don't make this conversation sexy.

Oh, that's gonna be hard to do with your sexy voice.

- You're so annoying. - Oh, and you're so beautiful.

- I hate you. - You want to get out of here?

- Yes. - Let's do it.

Okay. Oh, boy...

I got some leather wine... [door closes]

[hip-hop beat]

♪

Okay, how's this? [clears throat]

I do.

No, that's, like-- - A little serious, yeah.

I do? Nah, I'm questioning it.

- You can't ask a question. - Can't be a question, yeah.

[cell phone chimes] I do.

I do.

I do. I do.

[cell phone chimes] - Obviously not.

I think he's making a mistake, but I'm his best man.

I do.

What--what are y'all so busy doing on your phones?

Oh, just Kristen and marriage stuff.

Anyway, let's keep your bachelor party going.

- Really? - Really?

Excuse me, everyone. My friend is getting married.

And we want to celebrate his last few moments

as a single man, so who's down to party?

I love this!

I don't think these strangers are in the mood to party

with a bunch of strangers-- - I got a boom box.

- I got peppermints. - I've got a ton of cocaine.

Whoa, uh, I think we're good on that,

but thank you for your enthusiasm.

Bachelor party!

Bachelor party! Yeah!

♪ Laugh to the bank, I'm like, "Ha ha" ♪

♪ Dada, what's she saying? I heard "blah-blah" ♪

♪ Water, rocks on me like I'm Ty Ty ♪

♪ Baba, sippin' lean like it's aqua ♪

♪ Pop a Percocet before you chop her chopper ♪

♪ When it bust, you hear pa-brrat ♪

♪ Doctor, servin' patients, I'm a trapper ♪

♪ Rasta, I been runnin' with some shottas ♪

[echoing] Turn me up, YC!

♪

Nicky, Michael, this is Amir, the owner of the bar.

- Oh, hey, what's up, man? - Oh, hi, nice to meet you.

So I heard you're throwing a party.

Let me show you our private event space.

- Oh, yeah. Cool. - Yeah, sure. Okay.

Cool.

Okay, what's this?

Okay!

Oh, this is like some Scooby-Doo stuff.

Ruh-oh!

[both laugh]

Oh! This is nice. - Yeah, okay.

I didn't know this was back here.

Yeah, we don't really advertise it.

Ah, why would anyone keep such a good thing a secret?

Maybe he's keeping the bar a secret because it's special

and Amir's just being protective of it.

Mm, that sounds like a fake excuse.

[stammers] Well, I mean, sometimes I do feel guilty.

Maybe I should be more public about this spot.

No, Amir, this is a secret bar.

Secrets can be fun and sexy. - Mm, that's true, too.

But what about the bar's feelings?

I'm sorry. What?

Maybe the secret bar's feelings

are their own fault and not Amir's.

- Huh? - Well, maybe Amir is selfish.

Hey.

I think the secret bar's being immature,

and that's why it's a secret in the first place.

Well, then I guess we're done here.

Good luck finding a new bar. - Hmm.

Uh, I-I'm sorry. What just happened?

[giggles] I don't know.

Okay, guys, so we only have one stop left.

But let me just say that was hands down

the best half-hour bachelor party

on public transit that anyone's ever had.

Right? And it even got Sherm and Ron Ron to make up.

See? That's why you my guy.

Nah, that's why you my guy, man!

Attention, passengers--

we are having technical difficulties on the train.

This is now the last stop. - Wait, what?

I said we are having

technical difficulties on the train.

I've had a long-ass day. Just get off.

[hip-hop beat]

♪

I can't believe this.

We don't have time to get there on foot.

What's the universe saying now?

It's saying you need to chill with all the negativity.

Look, I'm sorry

that I'm the only one keeping it real with you.

What's that mean?

It means you're making a mistake, Noah.

Even your best man agrees. Tell him.

- Hey! - Wow. Really, Wyatt?

Okay, if you're gonna be mad at anybody, be mad at Sherm,

because he's the one who got into the accident.

Hey, I tried to drive you there.

That was Sherman the Driver.

What does Sherm, my friend, think?

And don't lie.

I mean...

he thinks you're nuts.

[scoffs] Man.

But, Noah! Noah!

Sherman the Driver appreciates your business.

Hey, this is Simone's phone.

Leave a message. [line beeps]

Hey, uh, I tried calling you a couple times.

I'm not gonna be able to make it.

It's a long story, but I don't know.

Maybe this is just the universe's way

of trying to give us a sign.

I'm sorry.

[downbeat music]

♪

Hey, man.

Look, I know you're upset with us,

but we also know how you can get,

and we were just trying to look out.

No.

You just weren't being good friends.

You're supposed to have my back

even when it seems like it's crazy.

Anthony, remember you wanted to write that play

about Tax Day called "April 15th: The Musical"?

Then I read all 200 pages,

and it was just a whole bunch of accountants

screaming about how the numbers didn't add up.

And, Wyatt, remember that photo shoot

where you had me completely covered in mud?

I still don't even know what that photo shoot was about,

but I was down. - Yeah.

And, Sherm, remember you wanted to start

that Black-owned toilet-paper company?

- FUBU Boo Boo. - That was crazy.

But I supported you.

And, Ron Ron...

♪

I mean, I really don't know you all that well,

but I'm sure you got, like,

some weird stuff you be getting into.

I definitely do, man.

Look, the crazy thing about all this is that

I actually thought this through.

None of it even matters now.

Let's just go back east. - Nah, that's not happening.

Wow. You're gonna stop me from going home, too?

Man, y'all are buggin'. - No, you were right.

We should've had your back. So we're gonna get you married.

That's right. We are.

Yeah.

And how are we gonna do that exactly?

Because we do not have the necessary resources.

I have an idea.

[siren wailing]

[chuckles] Anthony, I had no idea your aunt was a EMT.

That's right-- best auntie in the world!

[laughs] Ain't that right, Auntie Jane?

That's right.

So maybe you should call more often.

I'm busy.

Not too busy to call your Auntie Deb.

Yeah, she told me y'all talk.

We really appreciate your help!

Of course!

I had to because you were all injured from your car accident.

Right? all: Yes, Auntie Jane.

[slurps]

[grunts] I got to tell you something

that's been really hard for me, Fay.

- Okay. - Okay, how do I start?

It's--um, it is kind of like--

So--

Okay, when a man and a woman--

Oh, is this about you dating Michael?

You witch. How did you know?

- Because you're my girl. - [scoffs]

And just like you knew when I liked Anthony.

Mm.

Also, you guys have been acting so weird all day,

it was pretty obvious.

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

I'm just, like, not used to being someone's girlfriend.

Hmm.

We broke up, so it doesn't matter.

- Why? You clearly like him. - I do.

But, like, what if it doesn't work out?

Well, then we just come back here

to get drunk and talk trash.

- That's nice. - [chuckles]

- Can I have that one? - You can.

Thank you.

- Let's go. - Let's go.

All right, this is as far as I can take you.

Any further, and these beach-boy EMTs'll be on my ass.

It's three blocks that way.

We got two minutes, y'all. Let's roll!

Oh, hold on! Aren't y'all forgetting something?

all: Thanks, Auntie Jane!

And?

- Mwah! - That's better.

All right, you go on ahead

and marry your little girlfriend-wife.

♪ Run them, r-run them r-run them ♪

♪ Run them, r-run them, r-run them ♪

♪ Fashion slave

♪ You be protestin' to get in a [...] look book ♪

♪ Everything I scribble's like The Anarchist Cookbook ♪

♪ Look good, posin' in a centerfold of Crook Book ♪

♪ Black on black on black with the ski mask ♪

Yo, why they running?

It don't matter. Let's go!

♪ Run them jewels fast

♪ Run them, run them jewels fast ♪

♪ Run them, r-run them, r-run them ♪

♪ Running, running, [...] the slo-mo ♪

[sighs]

No. It's too late.

[downbeat music]

♪

I'm sorry, Noah.

I really am.

♪

You know, I'm not even that bummed about the wedding.

[chuckles] If I'm being honest, I'm just bummed

that it means this is the end for Simone and I.

Noah?

- Simone? - [laughs]

[chuckles] Oh!

- [chuckles] - Oh, I am so sorry I was late.

Noah, it's okay, it's okay. I have good news.

I can stay in the country.

Seriously? Wha--

When I got your message, I didn't know what to do,

but then my friend Courtney offered to help,

so we got married instead.

Oh, snap. Well, that's great.

Well, where's Courtney? I can't wait to thank her.

Hey, guys.

Hey. What's up, man?

Excuse us for a second. [chuckles]

Uh, Simone, where's Courtney?

Noah, this is Courtney. [chuckles]

Huh?

♪

- Hey, Michael, can we talk? - Nah, I'm good.

- Michael, please. - Nah.

- Michael. - Nah.

- Michael, come on. - Nah.

- Michael, please. - Nah.

I want us to be together.

- Excuse me? - And I want people to know.

I wasn't ready to own it, but I'm--I'm ready now.

I want you to go to the party with me as my boyfriend.

And we can hold hands, share snacks,

tell inside jokes.

I don't know what couples do, but all of that stuff.

- You being serious? - Yes.

[sighs] Okay, well, that's all I wanted to hear.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Aw. - Mm.

Let me get this straight.

Simone gets to stay in the country,

so you guys are still together, but that's her husband?

Yeah. Courtney's my girlfriend's husband.

Uh, but only on paper.

And now we get to stay together.

Yeah, we do.

[both chuckle] Where's Nicky?

Sorry we're late.

"We"?

Why y'all holding hands?

[giggles]

Why y'all kissing?

Nicky, that's my brother!

Why are y'all holding hands and kissing?

Someone help me understand, please!

Yeah.

♪

- Hey. - Hey.

Looks like everything worked out with Noah and Simone.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I have absolutely zero doubt

things will sort themselves out in the end.

Weren't you on a mission to stop the whole thing?

No, I was on a mission to be a good friend...

Oh, okay.

Which I failed miserably at at first, but we're back.

Mm.

[cell phone vibrates, ringing]

I'm sorry. This is Talia. I should take this.

You should take it. both: Yeah.

Um, just gonna...

Cool. - Cool.

So this is the first time we've both been

in a relationship at the same time.

I know. Wild, right?

I'm someone's girlfriend,

and you're someone's wife's boyfriend.

Okay, well, you're our friend's brother's girlfriend.

Okay, well, mine's normal, and yours is weird.

- Yeah, I know. - Mm-hmm.

- But I'm so happy. - Aw.

- [chuckles] - Ah! Oh!

He happy, he happy! Ow, ow!

Feelin' good.

Yah.

- Not a doctor. - Shh.

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