Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON...

I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS GREAT GUY FROM MY PAST.

AN EVENING OF DRINKING LED TO A CONFESSION.

(yawns) TOM. (whispers) TOM SCAVO?

(yawns) LOVE OF MY LIFE.

I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT.

DID ANYONE ORDER A SHRIMP COCKTAIL

WITH A PUNY ENGAGEMENT RING ON THE SIDE?

KEITH'S PLAN TO PROPOSE WAS THWARTED.

I REALLY DO LOVE YOUR SON.

YEAH, I SEE YOU WITH SOMEONE... MORE YOUR OWN AGE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MEMORIZING YOUR FACE.

GABY SAID GOOD-BYE TO HER BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER GRACE.

A HALFWAY HOUSE FOR CONVICTS ON OUR STREET?

I NOW OWN SEVEN HOUSES ON WISTERIA LANE.

AND PAUL NEEDED ONE MORE HOUSE...

I CAN OFFER YOU WELL ABOVE MARKET VALUE.

HOW MUCH ABOVE MARKET VALUE? WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER.

TO ACHIEVE HIS GOAL.

(Mary Alice) WE KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.

WE KNOW HOW THEY DRESS...

AND WE KNOW HOW THEY BEHAVE.

YES, WE CAN ALL RECOGNIZE THE WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE.

AND WHEN WE SEE THEM COMING,

WE DO WHAT WE HAVE TO TO PROTECT OURSELVES.

LYNETTE!

HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE DAY?

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

OLD FRIENDS. EX-CON FRIENDS?

MM. UH... AREN'T YOU JUMPING THE GUN?

UNTIL THE HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION VOTES,

YOU DON'T HAVE APPROVAL FOR YOUR PROJECT.

THESE MEN HAVE VOLUNTEERED TO GET MY HALFWAY HOUSE READY.

MOST OF THEM LIVE IN A DREADFUL FACILITY ON SKID ROW.

I TOLD THEM THAT IF THEY PARTICIPATED IN THE REMODEL,

I COULD GET THEM TRANSFERRED HERE.

YOU'RE WASTING THEIR TIME,

BECAUSE THIS PLACE IS NEVER GOING TO OPEN.

OH, I THINK IT WILL.

AND WON'T IT BE NICE FOR THESE MEN TO LIVE ON A STREET

WHERE CHILDREN PLAY IN THEIR FRONT YARDS

AND PEOPLE DON'T LOCK THEIR DOORS AT NIGHT?

WHY IS PAUL SO SURE THE HOUSE WILL OPEN?

HE DOESN'T HAVE THE VOTES.

HE'S GOT SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE. WHAT IT IS I DON'T KNOW.

ARE WE POSITIVE NO ONE'S PLANNING ON

SELLING HIM THEIR HOME?

WE CAN'T TAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED.

WE NEED TO TALK TO EVERYONE ON THE STREET.

GOOD IDEA. WE'LL SHORE UP SUPPORT.

AND IF WE SENSE ANYONE STARTING TO WAVER... HOW COULD THEY?

EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT'S AT STAKE HERE.

I PRAY THEY DO.

I LOVE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, AND I DON'T WANT IT TO CHANGE.

LET'S GO.

AND WITH THAT,

MY FRIENDS WENT TO WORK TRYING TO STOP PAUL YOUNG.

HE KNEW WHAT THEY WERE UP TO.

BUT HE DIDN'T CARE.

HE SHOULD HAVE.

PAUL HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT ORDINARY MEN AND WOMEN

WILL DO TO PROTECT THEMSELVES...

FROM THE WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE.

IT WAS JUST BEFORE SUNRISE ON WISTERIA LANE...

WHEN A CAB ARRIVED...

AND A WOMAN DEPARTED.

SHE LEFT THE STREET QUIETLY.

BUT NEWS OF HER DISAPPEARANCE WOULD SOON SPREAD.

AND THE SOUND WOULD BE DEAFENING.

BUT FIRST...

A YOUNG MAN IN LOVE

HAD PLANS TO MAKE SOME NOISE OF HIS OWN.

(door squeaks)

(panting) BREE, I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT THIS TO BE

THE LAST MORNING YOU WAKE UP WITHOUT ME NEXT TO YOU.

IT'S 6:00! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN KNEELING THERE?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT AFTER YOU ANSWER THIS QUESTION,

YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO HELP ME UP.

BREE...

WILL YOU DO ME THE HONOR...

MAY I SAY SOMETHING FIRST?

AFTER THAT EMBARRASSING NIGHT IN THE RESTAURANT,

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU TAKING ANOTHER STAB AT THIS, BUT...

THAT'S A LONG "BUT." I'M GETTING UP.

HOLD ON. I'M NOT SAYING NO...

EXACTLY.

IT'S JUST SO SOON TO BE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.

MAYBE I CAN USE THIS AS A TINY NAPKIN RING.

WAIT!

I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO,

KEITH WATSON,

AND I ALSO WANT THIS TO BE THE LAST MORNING I WAKE UP

WITHOUT YOU NEXT TO ME.

SO I'M ASKING YOU,

WILL YOU DO ME THE HONOR OF...

MOVING IN WITH ME?

(chuckles)

FOR THE THIRD TIME, NO.

I'M NOT GONNA SELL MY HOUSE TO PAUL YOUNG.

I'M SORRY. I JUST HAD TO MAKE SURE. THE VOTE IS TODAY.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I WOULD LET DANGEROUS EX-CONS

MOVE IN NEXT TO MY OWN MOTHER?

I DON'T KNOW. AS A TEENAGER, YOU WERE PRETTY NASTY.

BUT YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP NOW AND SO VERY NICE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

EXCUSE ME.

LYNETTE SCAVO?

YEAH?

BRENT FERGUSON, PRESIDENT

OF THE HYDRANGEA CIRCLE HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION.

OHH.

WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.

WE'D LOVE TO HELP.

REALLY? SURE. LAST YEAR WE HAD A SIMILAR SCARE ON OUR STREET.

SOME OLD HIPPIE WANTED TO OPEN UP A DRUG REHAB CENTER

ON OUR BLOCK. I REMEMBER.

DIDN'T THAT OLD HIPPIE GET BEAT UP BY A NEIGHBOR?

(laughs) HE MADE THE MISTAKE OF MOUTHING OFF

TO ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS WHO'S AN EX-GREEN BERET.

NEWSPAPER MADE IT SOUND WAY WORSE THAN IT WAS.

WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU SAY THE WORD,

AND I WILL HAVE THE HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION

OF TEN DIFFERENT STREETS HERE TO BACK YOU FOLKS UP.

WHOEVER'S TRYING TO OPEN UP THIS HALFWAY HOUSE,

WE COULD REALLY SCARE THE HELL OUT OF 'EM. WELL, I APPRECIATE YOUR OFFER,

BUT I THINK WE'D PREFER TO HANDLE OUR SITUATION

IN A MORE... (sighs)

CIVILIZED MANNER.

OKAY. WELL,

YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

"HYDRANGEA CIRCLE," GOT IT.

SO WE'RE AT DINNER, AND RENEE IS GOING ON AND ON ABOUT THIS GUY

SHE ONCE HAD A FLING WITH AND SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR,

AND SHE GETS SO DRUNK THAT SHE TELLS ME IT WAS TOM SCAVO.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?

You look so hot right now.

MIKE, FOCUS. I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN ALASKA FOR A MONTH.

A month, 19 days, and 7 hours.

Yesterday I put boobs on a snowman.

I need to come home.

I MISS YOU, TOO.

SO AM I MAKING TOO MUCH OUT OF THIS?

I MEAN, IT HAPPENED 20 YEARS AGO,

AND TOM'S A GOOD GUY, RIGHT?

Yeah, he is, but...

EVEN GOOD GUYS MAKE MISTAKES IF THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE RIGHT.

Interesting point. Wish you hadn't made it

while you were 2,000 miles away and clearly horny.

(laughs) SUSAN, I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

THE ONLY FEMALE I'VE SEEN HAS ANTLERS.

SO SHOULD I TELL LYNETTE?

Well, not just yet.

MAYBE JUST KEEP AN EYE ON THE SITUATION.

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME HOME,

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FORGET ALL ABOUT THAT SNOWMAN.

Her name is Carol.

OKAY, YOU REALLY NEED TO COME HOME.

(sniffles)

MOMMY?

WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

OH... JUST...

HAVING A SAD DAY.

YOU'VE BEEN HAVING A LOT OF SAD DAYS. IS IT BECAUSE GRACE LEFT?

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? (sniffles)

THAT WAS WHEN YOU STARTED BEING SAD--THE DAY SHE WENT AWAY.

NO, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW...

I GOT REALLY CLOSE TO THAT WHOLE FAMILY, AND...

I KNEW I WAS GONNA MISS CARMEN AND HECTOR.

AND GRACE?

(sighs)

WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY NECKLACE?

I'M PLAYING DRESS-UP.

NOT WITH REAL DIAMONDS. HAND IT OVER!

FINE. HERE.

TAKE IT. JEESH. (jewels tinkle)

AND I DON'T WANT YOU PLAYING IN MY ROOM ANYMORE. YOU UNDERSTAND?

I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE CRYING.

MITZI!

IT'S LYNETTE SCAVO!

IF YOU'RE IN THERE,

PLEASE OPEN UP!

(vehicle approaches)

(sighs)

(car door slams)

HEY, LEE. HEY.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW WHERE MITZI KINSKY IS,

WOULD YOU? NO. WHY WOULD I?

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU AND PAUL CONVINCED HER TO SELL HER HOUSE

AND THEN STASHED HER AWAY SOMEPLACE FOR SAFEKEEPING.

LYNETTE, I HAVE TO SAY, I'M OFFENDED. I HAVE TO SAY, I COULDN'T CARE LESS.

YOU KNOW...

FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS UP TO!

YOU WERE HIS REAL ESTATE AGENT! YOU DIDN'T THINK IT ODD--

HIM BUYING ALL THESE HOUSES ON ONE STREET?

HE WAS PAYING ME COMMISSIONS. WHAT--WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

COMPLAIN? MAYBE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,

AND IF PAUL IS VOTED DOWN AT TONIGHT'S MEETING, I'M SURE

IN TIME PEOPLE WILL FORGET YOU HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS--

I-- BUT, LEE, IF HE FINDS A WAY TO OPEN THAT HOUSE,

I DON'T THINK ANYONE ON THIS STREET WILL EVER FORGIVE YOU.

(cell phone rings)

HELLO?

Look out your window.

Oh, it's you. I'm hanging up now.

LOOK, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE ANNOYED WITH ME.

I FEEL AWFUL. WELL, YOU SHOULD.

BECAUSE OF YOU, EVERYONE ON THIS STREET HATES ME NOW.

THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING.

I PUT YOU IN AN AWFUL POSITION. I'D LIKE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

AND HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?

WELL, FIRST, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT MITZI KINSKY

AGREED TO SELL ME HER HOUSE YESTERDAY.

WHAT?

I suggested she leave the lane for a while.

The taxi picked her up this morning.

OH, MY GOD. SO WHY-- WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?

BECAUSE I HAVE A LITTLE PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

AND GIVEN HOW THE NEIGHBORS FEEL ABOUT YOU THESE DAYS,

I SUGGEST YOU LISTEN.

HEY, MITZI, IT'S LYNETTE. UM, STILL HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU.

I NEED TO MAKE SURE WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE

FOR TONIGHT'S MEETING. CALL ME BACK. AY. HEY.

I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY BUSY. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY.

I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT THE MEETING'S TONIGHT.

I GOT A BUNCH OF PHONE CALLS TO MAKE.

CAN'T YOU TALK TO SUSAN OR BREE? NO. IT'S GOTTA BE YOU.

(chuckles) WHY?

YOU'RE THE ONLY WOMAN I KNOW WHO'S LOST A CHILD.

AND EVER SINCE GRACE LEFT, I CAN'T STOP CRYING.

I BREAK DOWN AT THE MALL, AT THE MARKET.

I'M STARTING TO FREAK MYSELF OUT.

I WAS THE SAME WAY AFTER I LOST THE BABY.

I FINALLY WENT TO A THERAPIST.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. YEAH.

DID IT HELP? IT DID.

IN FACT, SHE HAD ME DO SOMETHING YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY.

(Lynette) WRITE GRACE A LETTER.

(Gabrielle) A LETTER?

YOU DON'T SEND IT.

YOU JUST POUR OUT YOUR FEELINGS.

TELL GRACE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO HAVE FOUND HER

AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER.

TRUST ME.

AFTER YOU'VE WRITTEN IT, YOU'LL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

(sighs)

(gasps)

(Carlos, in distance) GABY! WHERE ARE MY KEYS?

UH, I HAVE THEM!

WAIT. I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!

(sniffles, sighs)

(sniffles, sighs)

YOU'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER?

(sighs) NO ONE'S MORE SURPRISED THAN I AM.

SO YOU DID PROPOSE TO HER?

I TRIED. (sighs) BREE SAID SHE'S NOT READY FOR THAT YET.

THIS WAS THE COMPROMISE.

I FIGURE WE'LL DO THIS FOR A WHILE, THEN IN A COUPLE MONTHS

WE'LL START TALKING ABOUT A WEDDING.

YEAH, I-I GUESS THAT COULD HAPPEN.

(chuckles) YOU "GUESS"?

IT'S JUST...

IF BREE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU, SEEMS SHE'D WANT TO...

LOCK IT DOWN. THAT'S ALL.

DAD, I GET WHERE SHE'S COMING FROM.

SHE JUST DIVORCED A GUY.

THAT'S MY POINT.

SHE'S READY FOR SOME FUN, NOT SOMETHING SERIOUS.

SHE MAY BE LOOKING AT YOU AS A DIVERSION.

NO, BREE LOVES ME. THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE.

JUST MAKE SURE.

IF BREE'S NOT WILLING TO MAKE SOME SORT OF A COMMITMENT,

THEN MAYBE-- DAD, YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF.

I HOPE I'M WRONG. I REALLY DO.

AND IF I AM...

YOU LET ME KNOW WHEN TO RENT THE TUX FOR THE WEDDING.

(indistinct conversations)

OKAY.

ANY SIGN OF MITZI? OH, NOT YET.

GOD, WHERE COULD SHE BE?

IF SHE SOLD HER HOUSE TO PAUL, SHE BETTER BE ON THE RUN.

NOT THAT IT'LL DO ANY GOOD.

I'LL STILL HUNT HER DOWN AND KILL HER. UH-HUH.

(door closes) LYNETTE? WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR 20 MINUTES.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME YOU STARTED? RELAX, PAUL. WE'RE NOT TAKING THE VOTE UNTIL EVERYONE'S HERE.

WELL, WHILE WE'RE WAITING, MAY I MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT?

I SUPPOSE.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

(clears throat)

I WANTED YOU ALL TO KNOW

THAT THE MAYOR OF FAIRVIEW WILL BE HERE FRIDAY

TO PRESENT ME WITH AN AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING PUBLIC SERVICE.

WHAT? WHAT?

YES, IT'S--IT'S-- IT'S SORT OF A BIG DEAL,

AND I WOULD LOVE IT IF ALL OF MY FRIENDS WOULD ATTEND.

IF YOU'D INVITE YOUR ENEMIES, YOU'D GET A BIGGER CROWD. (laughter)

AH, I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR, MRS. McCLUSKEY.

HOW WE'LL ALL MISS IT AFTER YOU'RE GONE. HMM.

HOLD IT. NOW, WHAT KIND OF PUBLIC SERVICE DID YOU DO?

THE HALFWAY HOUSE, OF COURSE.

OH, SHOOT. DID--DID I BURY THE LEAD?

I NOW HAVE ALL THE VOTES I NEED TO OPEN IT.

HOW DO YOU HAVE THE VOTES?

SOMEONE SOLD YOU THEIR HOUSE?

OH, YES.

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SOLD.

WE SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE UNDER

WITH THE REST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY NOBLE AND VERY STUPID.

MITZI SOLD. SHE'S NOT GONNA BE AROUND

FOR EVERYBODY ON THIS STREET TO PUMMEL,

WHICH MEANS THEY WOULD HAVE TAKEN THEIR ANGER OUT ON YOU.

DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

(brakes squeal, car doors slam)

WHAT THE HELL?

(crickets chirping)

MITZI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

(cab departs) I LIVE HERE. OH, I GUESS YOU WOULD HAVE NOTICED,

IF I WAS A HOT GUY WITH ABS.

BUT WE THOUGHT YOU LEFT.

WEIRDEST THING. GET THIS CALL?

THIS GUY SAYS HE HAS A JOB FOR ME IN THE CITY.

PUTS ME UP IN A NICE HOTEL, AND THEN HE NEVER SHOWED.

HUH, AND I GOT STUCK WITH THE MINIBAR CHARGES.

SO, WAIT. YOU DIDN'T SELL YOUR HOUSE TO PAUL YOUNG?

WHAT? (scoffs)

PLEASE. I'M NOT GONNA SCREW OVER MY NEIGHBORS.

(footsteps approach)

(Lynette) LEE?

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO US?

(doorbell ringing) NO, I'M SORRY. LYNETTE IS NOT HERE.

SHE'S TRYING TO DEAL WITH THIS WHOLE PAUL YOUNG MESS.

(doorbell rings) YES, I WILL HAVE HER GET BACK TO YOU.

OK-OKAY. (beep)

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?

SOME VAN JUST PULLED UP,

AND THESE CREEPY CHARACTERS ARE GETTING OUT.

THAT IS A SCHOOL BUS, RENEE. THOSE ARE CHILDREN.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT ME.

CAN YOU COME OVER AND INSTALL A DEAD BOLT ON MY DOOR?

SURE. I WILL BE RIGHT OVER,

AS SOON AS I FIND WHERE LYNETTE KEEPS THE TOOLBOX.

GREAT. I HAVE TO JUMP IN THE SHOWER.

I WILL LEAVE THE KEY UNDER THE MAT.

YOU KNOW, I HAD TO USE THAT KEY THE OTHER NIGHT.

YEAH?

YEAH. WE WENT OUT, AND RENEE GOT HAMMERED,

SO I HAD TO TAKE HER IN AND PUT HER TO BED.

WELL, THAT WAS NICE OF YOU.

YEAH...

AND SHE TOLD ME THIS FASCINATING STORY

ABOUT THIS GUY THAT SHE HAD A FLING WITH 20 YEARS AGO.

W-W-WHY--WHY--WHY WAS THAT FASCINATING?

WELL, APPARENTLY THE ONE WEEKEND THEY SPENT TOGETHER

MADE QUITE AN IMPACT ON HER.

(chuckles nervously)

W--DID SHE SAY ANY... THING... (splash)

ELSE A-ABOUT THAT GUY?

NO, NOT REALLY.

HMM.

ONLY THAT HIS NAME WAS TOM SCAVO.

OKAY, LOOK... (breathes deeply)

THIS HAPPENED BEFORE LYNETTE AND I WERE MARRIED.

IT MEANT NOTHING.

WELL, IT MEANT SOMETHING TO RENEE.

SHE'S STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

SHE SAID THAT? SHE SLURRED IT.

LOOK, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WANTED TO KNOW,

BUT NOW THAT I DO, I AM IN A HORRIBLE POSITION.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T TELL LYNETTE!

SH-SHE WOULD FREAK OUT! I DON'T WANT TO TELL HER, BUT SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND,

AND I'M FREAKING OUT KNOWING THAT YOU'RE AT RENEE'S

FIXING HER DEAD BOLT WHILE SHE'S IN THE SHOWER.

LOOK, THIS WAS FOREVER AGO,

AND I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING FOR HER.

A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO STILL WANTS YOU

IS LIVING 100 YARDS AWAY,

AND HER BREASTS ARE 95 YARDS AWAY.

WHY DO YOU WANT THAT TEMPTATION?

HEY, I DIDN'T ASK HER TO MOVE HERE.

WELL...

MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU ASK HER TO LEAVE.

SO THE WHOLE RIGHT SIDE OF THE CLOSET IS YOURS,

AND I EMPTIED OUT THE TOP DRAWERS OF THE BUREAU

FOR YOUR SOCKS AND THOSE CUTE LITTLE BOXER BRIEFS YOU WEAR.

THANK YOU.

AND AFTER WE'VE GOTTEN YOU SETTLED,

I WANT US TO GO OVER AND TELL THE GIRLS.

THEY'RE GOING TO DIE. BREE VAN DE KAMP LIVING IN SIN.

COME HERE.

WHAT IS IT?

WE LOVE EACH OTHER, RIGHT? MM-HMM.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND WEAR THIS?

KEITH. NO, IF--IF--IF MARRIAGE IS WHERE WE'RE HEADED,

I JUST KEEP THINKING, WHAT'S THE HARM?

BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THERE YET.

(sighs) LOOK, I'M NOT TRYING TO RUSH YOU,

BUT I NEED A BIGGER COMMITMENT

THAN JUST THE TOP COUPLE DRAWERS IN YOUR BUREAU.

(chuckles)

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I'M NOT READY TO MAKE THAT KIND OF PROMISE.

MMM.

THAT'S A PROBLEM.

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA WAKE UP ONE DAY

AND FIND OUT THAT I WAS JUST SOME DIVERSION

THAT, UH, YOU NEEDED TO AMUSE YOURSELF

WHILE GETTING THROUGH YOUR DIVORCE.

IF YOU REALLY THINK I FEEL THAT WAY,

THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

I'M--I'M STARTING TO WONDER THAT MYSELF.

(scoffs)

DO YOU THINK US LIVING TOGETHER IS A MISTAKE?

NO. NO, I THINK US IS A MISTAKE.

I WISH WE HAD BEEN NICER TO PAUL.

I WISH WE HAD STOOD BY HIM WHEN HE WAS ON TRIAL.

I THINK ABOUT WHAT HE MUST HAVE GONE THROUGH IN PRISON,

AND I UNDERSTAND HIS RAGE. I DO.

BUT I WON'T ALLOW HIM TO DESTROY THIS STREET.

IT'S NOT RIGHT.

DON'T WORRY.

WE WILL STOP THIS SON OF A BITCH.

THAT'S A PROMISE.

DON'T LIE. (chuckles)

HEY. M.J.'s SPENDING THE NIGHT AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE,

SO I DON'T CARE IF THIS PROTEST GOES ALL NIGHT.

I'M HERE TO THE BITTER END. HOW CAN I HELP? WE NEED MORE SIGNS PAINTED.

OKAY. HEY, SUSAN.

LOOK ON THAT PAPER. WE CAME UP WITH A WHOLE LIST OF SLOGANS.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE GOT PLENTY OF "THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN,"

AND WE NEED A LOT MORE "WHO LET THE CONS OUT?"

(chuckles)

SO, WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE HOPING TO ACCOMPLISH WITH ALL THIS?

THE MAYOR IS IN A CLOSE RACE FOR RE-ELECTION.

HE NEEDS EVERY VOTE HE CAN GET. IF WE CAN MAKE

A BIG ENOUGH STINK IN FRONT OF THE NEWS CAMERAS,

MAYBE WE CAN EMBARRASS HIM INTO SHUTTING THAT PLACE DOWN.

SO IF THIS PROTEST WORKS, AND THE PLACE DOESN'T OPEN,

WHAT HAPPENS TO ALL THOSE EX-CONS?

WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM?

I MEAN, I-IF THEY DON'T GET TO STAY HERE, WHERE WILL THEY GO?

THEY'LL JUST GO BACK TO WHERE THEY CAME FROM,

OR SOME HOUSE IN ANOTHER NEIGHBORHOOD.

BUT WHAT IF THAT NEIGHBORHOOD DOESN'T WANT THEM EITHER? WELL--

I MEAN, IF THEY'VE DONE THEIR TIME,

AND THEY NEED A SECOND CHANCE, WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER FOR THEM

TO BE IN A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD?

IN THEORY, YES, BUT THAT'S NOT THE WAY THE WORLD WORKS.

WE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, OUR CHILDREN.

OURSELVES?

DON'T BE CUTE. SOME OF THESE MEN MAY HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS,

BUT SOME OF THEM COULD STILL BE REALLY BAD GUYS.

BUT IF WE DON'T EVEN TRY TO HELP THEM,

ARE WE SO SURE WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS?

(doorbell rings) (sighs)

(door squeaks)

RICHARD.

KEITH TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED. I'M SO SORRY.

THANK YOU.

SO, UH, WHY ARE YOU HERE?

(laughs) HE ALSO MENTIONED ALL THAT WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

IN YOUR BACKYARD. LUCKILY, I TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING HE KNOWS.

UH, WAIT. UH, YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. I'LL HAVE IT DONE BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

BUT IF YOU WANNA THANK ME,

THINK YOU COULD FIND ME SOMETHING COLD TO DRINK?

(car door closes)

MAYOR FRANKLIN. WHAT AN HONOR. PAUL YOUNG.

YOU MUST BE THE GOOD SAMARITAN I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT. THIS IS MY WIFE BETH.

I'VE NEVER MET A CELEBRITY BEFORE. WELL, NOW YOU HAVE.

THE MEDIA WILL BE ARRIVING SHORTLY,

AS WELL AS SOME OF THE MAYOR'S SUPPORTERS.

UH, WITH THE ELECTION JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY,

WE THOUGHT THIS COULD BE A TERRIFIC PHOTO OP. NO PROBLEM.

WHILE YOU'RE WAITING, WOULD YOU LIKE A TOUR OF THE FACILITY?

ABSOLUTELY. I MUST SAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT YOUR NEIGHBORS

TO AGREE TO A HALFWAY HOUSE ON THEIR STREET,

BUT THEY MUST THINK A LOT OF YOU.

HONESTLY, THIS IS ALL HAPPENING BECAUSE OF WHAT I THINK OF THEM.

(door opens) RICHARD? IS THAT YOU?

(door closes) THE LEMONADE'S NOT QUITE READY YET.

RICHARD, WOULD YOU LIKE A SANDWICH WITH THAT--

WHO ARE YOU?

THIS THE HALFWAY HOUSE?

UH, NO. THAT'S NEXT DOOR.

AH.

SO I GUESS WE'RE GONNA BE NEIGHBORS.

WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE IN A HURRY

TO GET SETTLED IN OVER THERE, SO...

I'M IN NO HURRY.

WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

UH, THIS, UM, GENTLEMAN JUST, UH, WANDERED INTO MY HOME.

I MADE A MISTAKE.

WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

IT BETTER NOT.

(door opens) (exhales deeply)

(door closes) YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M FINE, I WAS JUST, UH, TAKEN BY SURPRISE.

(breathes deeply)

YOU'RE SHAKING. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

NO, REALLY... REALLY, I'M FINE, JUST, UM...

THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF THAT.

(chuckles)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SOMETHING I'VE WANTED TO DO FOR A LONG TIME.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.

OKAY. MAYBE I MISREAD SOME SIGNALS.

THERE HAVE BEEN NO SIGNALS. I WAS DATING YOUR SON.

OKAY. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL,

THEN I'LL FINISH UP OUT BACK AND GO.

I WANT YOU TO LEAVE NOW. LOOK, I MADE AN ERROR IN JUDGMENT. I'M--I'M SORRY.

PLEASE LET ME FINISH THE WORK. (whispers) I SAID NOW.

I WILL LEAVE WHEN I'M FINISHED.

(man) OKAY. YEAH, YEAH, HERE WE ARE.

(indistinct conversations)

WELL, HERE'S TROUBLE.

BUNCH OF GEEKS WITH "VOTE FRANKLIN" SIGNS

JUST SHOWED UP.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE OUTNUMBERED NOW.

OH, I'M NOT WORRIED.

WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?

THE CAVALRY.

HEY, GUYS. GUYS!

I'M NOT TOO LATE, AM I? NOPE.

YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.

(clatter)

(whispers) OH, YEAH.

(indistinct conversations)

OKAY! HERE'S THE PLAN.

ONCE THE MAYOR BEGINS HIS SPEECH,

I'LL GIVE THE SIGNAL.

THAT'S WHEN WE ALL BEGIN CHANTING, OKAY? YOU GOT IT?

ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO!

WE NEED TO TALK NOW.

QUITE A TURNOUT. (chuckles)

LOOK AT THOSE NEWS CAMERAS.

UH, DO I NEED A LITTLE BASE? HI-DEF IS KILLING ME.

UNH-UNH.

(man) HEY, FRANKLIN!

(indistinct conversations)

WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET VERY INTERESTING.

NO, NO, NO! HOW DID SHE FIND OUT?

YOU TOLD HER THE OTHER NIGHT!

(sighs)

OH, WHILE WE WERE DRINKING.

YOU WERE DRINKING. SHE WAS LISTENING!

OH, MY GOD. YEAH, THIS IS BAD.

WHAT ELSE DID YOU SAY TO HER?

I MEAN, SHE THINKS THAT YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME.

OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST... RIDICULOUS.

SHE'S NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING TO LYNETTE, IS SHE?

NO.

DOES SHE WANT YOU TO TELL LYNETTE?

NO, SHE HAD A DIFFERENT SUGGESTION.

AND I THINK IT'S A GOOD ONE.

I'M GOING OUTSIDE TO WATCH THE PROTEST.

STAY IN YOUR ROOM AND LOOK AFTER YOUR SISTER.

OH! DON'T GET INTO THOSE COOKIES I MADE.

THOSE ARE FOR AFTER SUPPER, AND YES, I COUNTED THEM.

JUANITA, WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT IS THAT?

THE LETTER YOU WROTE TO GRACE.

OKAY.

OKAY.

HONEY, YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE READ THIS...

'CAUSE IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

GRACE IS YOUR DAUGHTER, ISN'T SHE?

THAT'S WHY YOU'VE BEEN CRYING SINCE SHE LEFT.

YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN ME.

NO. NO, NO, NO!

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS WORLD TO ME.

YOU BELIEVE MOMMY, DON'T YOU?

OH...

YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY.

JUANITA!

COME BACK HERE! (door opens)

JUANITA! (crowd shouting)

JUANITA!

JUANITA!

(man, amplified voice) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU

MAYOR HAROLD FRANKLIN!

(cheering and whistling)

(microphone feedback whines)

(crowd) SAVE OUR STREET!

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

SAVE OUR STREET!

(amplified voice) GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY.

IT'S A PLEASURE AND AN HONOR TO BE HERE...

I THOUGHT YOU SAID

THE NEIGHBORHOOD WAS BEHIND THIS.

DID I? I APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN WRONG.

...WITH A TROUBLED PAST THAT'S IS IN THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD.

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

...INVENTORY OF COMPASSIONATE, UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE!

IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON PAUL YOUNG, I WILL KILL HIM.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE HOTEL?

THERE'S A LOT OF ANGRY PEOPLE OUT THERE.

I KNOW.

(crowd) SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

(Franklin) YOUR ACTIONS ARE A BLUEPRINT

FOR OTHERS TO EMULATE.

AND THAT CERTAINLY DESCRIBES THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE... SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

ON WISTERIA LANE. HEY! I TALKED TO TOM.

THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME TO DISCUSS THIS.

SAVE OUR STREET! HEY, WE ARE DISCUSSING IT.

TOM TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR LITTLE, UH, SUGGESTION

THAT I NEED TO MOVE OFF THE LANE.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW, THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU WERE REALLY LYNETTE'S FRIEND,

YOU WOULD KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT LIVE TWO DOORS DOWN

FROM HER HUSBAND-- A MAN YOU STILL LOVE.

THAT IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. REALLY?

'CAUSE I AM LYNETTE'S FRIEND, AND I'M NOT GONNA STAND BY

AND WATCH YOU SCREW UP HER MARRIAGE.

SO HELP ME, SUSAN-- HEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

(chanting continues)

I'M PARKED THREE BLOCKS AWAY. IT'S CRAZY OUT HERE.

DID YOU FINISH UP EVERYTHING?

OH, YEAH. I'M DONE.

...BLUEPRINT FOR OTHERS TO EMULATE.

BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY WE'RE GONNA HAVE...

(door squeaks)

HEY. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW

THERE'S BEEN AN INCIDENT WITH YOUR FATHER.

SAVE OUR STREET! SAVE OUR STREET!

IN PARTICULAR, THERE IS ONE MAN, PAUL YOUNG...

(crowd booing)

TH-THOUGH HE WAS UNFAIRLY INCARCERATED,

HE HAS CHOSEN...

CARLOS! I CAN'T FIND JUANITA.

YOU LET HER OUTSIDE WITH ALL THIS GOING ON?

NO, SHE RAN AWAY! SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT GRACE! HOW?

LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU LATER. JUST HELP ME FIND HER!

(sighs) JUANITA!

JUANITA, WHERE ARE YOU?

JUANITA!

JUANITA!

CAN'T I GO BACK AND GET IT? IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, LEE.

SHE SIGNED THAT PROGRAM AFTER HER CONCERT AT CARNEGIE HALL.

SHE WAS A DRUG ADDICT. LET IT GO.

(chanting continues)

(Franklin continues speaking indistinctly)

(engine starts)

(horn honks) CAN YOU MOVE, PLEASE?!

(sighs)

COME ON!

YOU SON OF A BITCH.

COME HERE. (grunts)

HEY.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? LOOK, I MADE A MISTAKE, OKAY?

HEY, DON'T PUSH ME. OH!

HEY, ONE OF THOSE CONS IS BEATING UP A GUY.

GET HIM! (grunts)

KEITH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!

GET HIM!

OH! SAVE OUR STREET!

(Franklin) ...THROUGH HIS GENEROSITY.

HE HAS CHOSEN NOT TO BE ANGRY OR BITTER...

(grunting)

GET OFF OF HIM!

LADY, TAKE IT EASY! UHH!

(Keith grunting, punches landing)

...WHO WERE ONCE HIS PRISON MATES.

AND I'M HONORED TO PRESENT THIS MEDALLION

TO A MAN--

(booing)

(indistinct shouting)

AND IN CONCLUSION, LOVE THY NEIGHBOR!

SUSAN!

LISTEN TO ME! IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY LIFE,

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO LYNETTE! I AM THINKING ABOUT LYNETTE!

THIS WOULD DESTROY HER!

(grunting)

GET OFF OF HIM!

(gun cocks, gunshot)

(shouting stops)

(screaming)

JUANITA!

OW! OW! (grunts)

AAH!

YOU'RE PUSHING! (grunts)

SUSAN.

(grunts) STOP PUSHING!

SUSAN!

(screaming)

SUSAN!

OHH! OW! OW!

(shouting indistinctly)

(screaming)

(horn honks) GO AROUND THEM! GO AROUND!

I CAN'T! THERE'S PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO BACK IN THE HOUSE.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME.

(shouting indistinctly)

(clanking)

HEY!

HEY! FRANK, WAIT! WAIT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

I'M GONNA MAKE SURE THIS HALFWAY HOUSE NEVER OPENS. OH, MY GOD!

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT? NO, NO! NOT LIKE THIS! GIVE ME THE BAT! PLEASE!

YOU KNOW WHAT? GO HANG OUT WITH THE REST OF THE KIDDIES.

FRANK! FRANK, WAIT!

LYNETTE! LYNETTE! OH!

HELP ME, PLEASE. OH! MRS. McCLUSKEY! OH, MY GOD! I'VE GOT YOU!

I GOT YOU.

(grunting)

JUST DRIVE. THEY'LL MOVE.

(shouting indistinctly)

(pounding) HEY! IT'S THEM! THE ONES THAT SOLD!

OH, CRAP!

(indistinct shouting)

(cries)

RENEE! RENEE, GET OFF OF THERE!

I'M LOOKING FOR SUSAN!

IT'S NOT SAFE! GET DOWN!

I SAW HER FALL! I THINK SHE'S HURT!

(shouting and pounding continue) (cries)

GET OUT OF THE CAR! NOW!

(Lee) IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

(crying)

IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

(bang)

(shouting and banging continue)

HELP. HELP!

JUANITA!

(grunts)

MOMMY!

GET OFF! GET OFF! (yells)

UHH! UHH!

GIVE HER TO ME! GIVE HER TO ME!

MOMMY! COME HERE. COME HERE.

(shouting continues)

(Lynette) PAUL!

PAUL!

GO INSIDE, DARLING.

THIS IS ALL ON YOU! I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT!

ME? THOSE ARE YOUR FRIENDS OUT THERE, LYNETTE--

THE SOLID CITIZENS OF FAIRVIEW.

TELL ME AGAIN

WHY YOU THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN A BUNCH OF EX-CONS?

OW!

HEY!

STOP!

STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! STOP!

HE'S MY NEIGHBOR!

(grunts) STOP IT!

TAKE HIM OVER! GET HIM OVER HERE!

COME ON!

(sirens wailing)

***

SOMEBODY HELP!

(sirens wailing in distance)

***

THANK YOU.

(Mary Alice) IT WAS JUST BEFORE SUNRISE

ON WISTERIA LANE.

YOU COULD NO LONGER HEAR

THE SCREAMS OF FRIGHTENED BYSTANDERS...

OR THE ANGRY CHANTING OF PROTESTORS...

OR THE CRIES FOR HELP FROM THE INJURED.

THERE WERE JUST THE FOOTSTEPS OF A MAN

WHO HAD FINALLY PUNISHED THOSE WHO HAD BETRAYED HIM.

(clatter)

THE SILENCE WAS BROKEN

BY SOMETHING THE NEIGHBORS WOULD LATER SAY...

(gunshot)

SOUNDED LIKE A GUNSHOT.

BUT PAUL KNEW

IT WAS THE SOUND OF REVENGE.