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[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[cars honking]

Ever see anybody draw the crowds like Louanne?

But tomorrow night..

...wow!

Oh, now don’t let it get you down, Mr. Harris.

That’s why stars leave shows every day.

- Oh, Mr. Harris. - What?

- Look. - Who is it?

Fairchild.

Oh!

I suppose this is just the beginning

of detestable publicity, Emerson.

Oh, but mother, this is Louanne’s last night.

She dislikes publicity just as much as you do.

I’ve never been so mortified in my life.

Oh, please mother, don’t make a fuss.

It’s so embarrassing.

I don’t see anything embarrassing about it.

People often have their pictures taken while entering theatres.

Yes, now, mother. It’s only just for the night.

[instrumental music]

♪ Come along come along come along ♪

♪ Have a wonderful time ♪

♪ Come along in that wagon ♪

♪ Take a look at the thing ♪

♪ Come along come along come along ♪

♪ Have a wonderful time ♪

[indistinct singing]

♪ Then we go to cheeky Chinatown ♪

♪ Coney Island’s worth your while ♪

♪ Come along come along come along ♪

[indistinct]

♪ We’ll see the town from the upper deck.. ♪

[indistinct]

[music continues]

♪ East side west side all around the town ♪

♪ The bowery the bowery ♪

♪ We’ll never go there anymore ♪

♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪

♪ In old New York In old New York ♪

♪ So come see the great big town ♪

Ladies and gentlemen

First, for those at the backstage.

And we’re going to see the aquarium

and all the little fishes.

’Then we’re going up Broadway.’

’Until we come to Wall Street.’

’Maiden Lane, Union Square.’

’And then up, up, up until we come to 23rd street.’

The Flatiron Building, then 42nd street in Broadway

the home of the actor

the gambler, the racketeer.

The busiest corner in all of the world.

Then up, up..

Harlem and then what do we find the boat.

’And that’s nothing. Wait till we get to Coney Island.’

’Oh, folks, will you love it.’

Just us, all of us together

shooting the shoots.

♪ ...at Wall Street at Wall Street ♪

[indistinct]

♪ Then we go to cheeky China Town ♪

♪ Coney Island’s worth your while ♪

♪ Come along come along come along ♪

[indistinct singing]

♪ Wall Street street of joy and speed ♪

♪ It’s our Wall Street ♪

♪ Reach today and for tomorrow ♪

♪ There you find the Bulls and the Bears ♪

♪ Shearing the lambs they catch unawares ♪

♪ Wall Street where you find the mighty dollar ♪

♪ Ruining young and old ♪

♪ Millions lost and millions won ♪

♪ Everyone has lots of fun in Wall Street ♪

♪ The street of gold ♪

♪ Wall Street street of joy and speed ♪

♪ It’s our Wall Street ♪

♪ Reach today and for tomorrow ♪

♪ There you’ll find the Bulls and the Bears ♪

♪ Shearing the lambs they catch unawares ♪

♪ Wall Street where you find the mighty dollar ♪

♪ Ruining young and old ♪

♪ Millions lost and millions won ♪

♪ Everyone has lots of fun in Wall Street ♪

♪ The street of gold ♪

♪ Wall Street where you find the mighty dollar ♪

♪ Ruining young and old ♪

♪ Millions lost and millions won ♪

♪ Everyone has lots of fun in Wall Street

♪ The street of gold ♪♪

[applause]

I’m so excited. Connie’s outside.

What again?

Why don’t you marry him, Peggy and forget him?

Oh, boy, I wish I could.

I’ve had him on every bench on Central Park.

But he always thinks up the cutest answers.

[indistinct chattering]

- Look. - Why don’t you keep quiet?

- Do as you’re told. - You’re stepping on my feet.

- What happened, Louanne? - Of all the dumb guys.

Yeah? If I’m so dumb why don’t you get somebody else?

And don’t think that I couldn’t either.

Say, listen, I could’ve married 20 other guys.

All smarter than you.

Yes. They must’ve been. They all got away.

- Oh, I oughta give you-- - Who are you kickin’?

[indistinct chattering]

Glad that marriage worked for the Averys.

That will help him think ’em up.

Boy, I say it will.

(female #1) ’Honey, who do you love, Paulie?’

’Who do you love? Who do you love?’

[knock on door]

Oh, no! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Oh, please, just a minute.

[door opens] Oh, dear!

Oh! It’s you.

Sure, remember, we’ve met.

Hmm. I thought it was Emerson.

Imagine him finding me like this.

Hmm. I don’t care to, thanks.

Still, Emerson’s got nothing to be jealous of me about.

Oh, no?

No.

- Hmm. - Hmm.

Oh, I can’t argue with you all night. I’ve to get dressed.

- Whoo! - Hmm.

Why the high hat?

I want to look as respectable as possible

without cheating my customers on my last night.

How come?

Well, Emerson’s mom is going to be out there.

Oh major is the word, ol’ gal?

Thanks, pal.

- You must come home sometime. - Good idea.

We’ll have coffee..

- Hey, now. - Get goin’, get goin’.

Can you beat it? Every time I need Angela she’s never around.

What am I supposed to do?

Oh, well, I’ll be with you in a minute.

Take it easy.

Have you got time?

Time for what?

- Give a little girl a hand. - Oh, will I.

And I’m the type that can do it too, honey.

How are you making out?

I’ve been on my way around by this time.

I wonder how Emerson’s gonna like this job.

Don’t be silly, darling.

I’ll have maids.

Thousands of ’em.

Sure, you’ll have everything, won’t you?

- Happiness? - Oh, you’re a cinch for it.

Can you imagine stepping right out of this business

right into millions.

And a family like Emerson’s.

Hmm. What more could you want?

Love.

And I’ll have that too.

You know, Wally..

...Emerson’s crazy, madly in love with me.

Absolutely insane.

That’s more than you can say.

Isn’t it?

Much more.

Oh!

Well, it’s my busy night.

And I’m expecting a scout of reporters this evening.

What do they want?

Huh! The story of me life.

Wally, I don’t mind telling you

I’m scared stiff.

Oh, gee! Don’t make any mistakes, will you?

Well, what if I do?

Hmm, nothing. Only Emerson’s had a tough time

selling you to his family.

Now you know that.

Don’t make it any tougher for him.

Those bloated pilgrims over in Long Island

are going to swallow you

much better, sugar coated.

Well, it isn’t gonna be easy

to live up to the Fairchild traditions.

Oh! You’ll do it.

You’ll do it for Emerson.

Oh, gee! Keep your head up you.

Up.

[both laughing]

And don’t forget

you were born on the Mayflower.

Well, where did I learn to shimmy?

- Sea sickness? - No.

Just a natural itch.

- Oh! - Keep quiet.

- You keep out-- - Tone down. Tone down.

The last night.

Yes.

The last night I’ll have to smell that funny perfume.

I’m fed up on your smart cracks.

- I know what’s wrong with you. - Oh, you do?

- Yes. - You think I’m burned up.

What should I do? Break down and cry?

You’re gettin’ the whole world wrapped up in a pink ribbon.

Aren’t you satisfied?

You’re darn right, I’m satisfied.

But that isn’t it. I just don’t like your attitude.

- Oh, you don’t, eh? - No, you pig.

Huh! A wise-cracker, a clown, a tramp, a fool.

Not that I care.

But we might have said goodbye..

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, Lou.

Please don’t cry.

Oh, you’ll spoil your make up.

You’ll spoil your pretty little face.

Now, don’t cry.

Oh, Wally.

Ha ha ha! Now, don’t get modeling and then call me pal.

I won’t get modelin’.

- Oh, you make me sick. - Please don’t!

It sounds like the good old days..

I don’t care.

...before you lost your throwing arm .

You think I’ve lost it. I’ll show you.

Oh, now, please. Oh, please! Now..

(Emerson) ’Louanne, darlin’, may I come in?’

Emerson.

Oh. Oh, Wally

Come on.

- Oh, Wally I can’t-- - Never mind, never mind.

Put this on.

Come on now, pull yourself together.

Now, little powder..

- Oh, yeah. - Little powder..

Come on, that’s it.

Now get that school girl look in your eyes.

Now keep your chin up. Keep your head up, honey.

[knock on door]

[clears throat]

Come in, darling.

’Come in, darling.’

[chuckles] ’Just come right in.’

Louanne.

How are you, sweetheart?

It’s wonderful to see you again.

Ahem, ahem.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

You see, I, uh..

I haven’t seen her since 3 o’clock.

Hmm. Practically a lifetime, isn’t it?

Yeah.

Oh, well, Wally, isn’t it time for your number?

Oh...oh, yes. Yes, it is.

I’m a reporter from the Graphic.

- And I’m from the Tribune. - The Morning Telegraph.

- Telegraph. - Top of the world.

- Windy? - ’Yes.’

A newspapers man’s convention.

’Oh, hello.’

- Hello. Nice to see you. - Hello, Windy.

- I’m glad to see you - How about us?

Say, have I got a story for you.

All about Louanne’s farewell appearance.

Come on with me, I’ll tell you all about it.

Fish of the record.

Well, who cares.

I thought so.

- Who do you wanna see? - I don’t care.

Pick me out a blonde.

A good ripe one.

No smokin’.

Say please.

Are you, guys the reports?

- Yeah. - Well, gentlemen of the press.

I’ll give you an interview.

My time is Tom Avery.

And I..

Oh. I want you to meet my wife.

But don’t laugh.

She’s been married four times.

Twice.

She’s been married four times.

Twice.

I’m a grass widow.

- She’s a bale of hay. - Oh.

In 1914, when we were in London--

Sixteen.

- In 1914, when were in London-- - Sixteen!

- I’ll murder you in a minute-- - ’Come on, Tom. We’re waiting.’

Oh, alright.

I’ll kill you.

[laughing]

Fish!

There you are.

I’m glad to see. I’m glad you came over.

I’ve got a swell story for you.

Have a cigarette. Make yourself right at home.

There are my own. Special made, you know.

Say, incidentally will you give Mr. Harris

a nice little plug in your story?

Why is it, Windy?

It’s always give with you.

Aw! But be right.

You know, Fish.

I’ll introduce you to a couple of nice chorus cuties.

Absolutely guaranteed.

No, no, no. I don’t need any guarantees.

I can pick ’em without defective parts.

[laughing]

Oh, here’s the rest of the boys.

Now listen, let’s all go up to Louanne’s dressing room.

’Cause she’s waiting for us.

And don’t forget to mention Mr. Franklin Harris

popular producer of Broadway.

[instrumental music]

[humming]

- Hey! - Can this be love?

Hmph! Is that what you call it?

Now wait a minute.

You mustn’t say those things, baby.

Can I do somethin’ to help ya?

You so ginny you couldn’t even help yourself.

Oh! You mustn’t talk like that.

Come on. Put your hot little hand in mine.

I don’t know what you’re after, but I haven’t got any.

Alright. Have it your own way.

But no matter where you hide it. I’ll find it.

Oh, yeah?

- Get out of the way. - Wait a minute.

You’re the hottest thing. Now look..

- Now you stop. - I’m only explaining.

That love is..

[instrumental music]

What’s the idea?

Fish from The Record.

Out!

Now, Louanne, you stay right here.

And you stand here please. Thank you. That’s fine.

You come right over here and sit down.

Make yourself right at home.

Take your hat off.

Just like a happy family.

May I look in this please?

Oh, darlin’.

Now, if you don’t mind. I think mother would like this..

Of course, darling.

’Everything ready?’

- ’Just a moment.’ - ’Hold still.’

’Shoot!’

[explosion]

They got me boys. They got me.

The last shot got him.

[laughing]

Fish of The Record.

Fish of the record.

Oh, Fish of The Record.

He’s always clowning.

Yes, he’s a very comical fellow.

But does he ever get a laugh.

Sit down.

Well, I guess we’re all set.

Now, Louanne, won’t you tell all these folks

the story of your life.

- Why, uh, yes. - Of course.

It’s, it’s very kind of you all to have come.

We really don’t want this publicity.

- Sold. - Sit down.

Oh, I have a four column layout.

Reserved for Sunday.

Now remember your engagement has caused..

Oh, well everyone is talking about it.

Just give us the highlights of your life, won’t you?

Well, perhaps I’d better, Emerson.

Let’s make it short.

Yes. He’s got a date to go blind with a pal.

[laughing]

I understand that your life has been very unusual.

Oh, it’s been quite colorless, your know.

And I’m afraid, it’ll make dull reading.

Dull reading. Now isn’t that just like all English girls.

She’s spent her life and childhood in England, you see.

Tell them about your childhood in England..

...doll.

(Wally) ’Talk.’

Well, my childhood was spent in a little farm in England.

No girl ever spent a more sheltered life than mine.

Why I was never permitted to leave the little farm.

Excepting on Sunday.

’When we all went to the little village church.’

My days were spent in the meadows.

Picking flowers.

May I say that you learnt about life from the flowers?

- Hmm? - ’I could guess.’

[chuckles] Yes.

Why, yes.

The flowers were my constant companion.

The flowers and the birds.

[chuckles] Oh.

And all the little wild things.

I was intently interested in wildlife.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

♪ Song of the Congo ♪

♪ Deep as the night ♪

♪ Blue as the sea ♪

♪ Song of the Congo ♪

♪ After the light ♪

♪ Chanting a plea ♪

♪ Come where the full bloody moon ♪

♪ Is whispering at you ♪

♪ Of romance ♪

♪ Song of the Congo ♪

♪ Calling to me ♪

♪ Calling to me ♪

[instrumental music]

Sit down.

Only you rise for, Lou, eh, Miguel?

The most beautiful girl in South Africa.

Have you had any luck?

Maybe tonight.

[laughing]

[audience cheering]

Hey, Mr. Wally.

When you fix scenes for me with Lou, eh?

Are you kiddin’?

Well, jealous, eh?

You keep her all to yourself.

Hmm.

I know what you like.

Hey, cut it out.

She’s too good for me.

And it’s a cinch you won’t do.

[chuckles]

Well...see you in the gutter.

[instrumental music]

[audience applauding]

♪ I’m sittin’ pretty in a pretty little city ♪

♪ Down Georgia way ♪

♪ There no angels here ♪

♪ But it seems like heaven is near ♪

♪ And every mornin’ when Georgia day is dawnin’ ♪

♪ I hear a song ♪

♪ Whipporwill up on my sill ♪

♪ Whistling come on along ♪

♪ I’m always blowin’ bubbles ♪

♪ I haven’t any troubles ♪

♪ Lucky this was me ♪

♪ Hope nobody shakes me ♪

♪ Hope nobody wakes me ♪

♪ This may be a dream ♪

♪ And there’s a sweet little person ♪

♪ Who’s faithfully rehearsin’ ♪

♪ A wedding day ♪

♪ So I’m sittin’ pretty in pretty little city ♪

♪ Down old Georgia way ♪

♪ Down old Georgia ♪♪

[piano music]

♪ All the old gang I once knew ♪

♪ Now have left me two by two ♪

♪ The old neighborhood don’t look so good ♪

♪ I’m so lonely ♪

♪ By my only ♪

♪ Each and every one it seems ♪

♪ Meets the ideal of their dreams ♪

♪ I’ve searched everywhere for my ideal ♪

♪ Now I’m beginning to feel ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

♪ Nobody cares if I’m lone lone ♪

♪ Nobody’s shy ♪

♪ Nobody cries if I’m blue ♪

♪ It seems that night after night ♪

♪ I sit alone and twiddle those thumbs ♪

♪ But still I keep right on hopin’ ♪

♪ Leave my door open ♪

♪ But nobody comes ♪

♪ Ain’t it a crime ♪

♪ Kisses like mine ♪

♪ Are just wasted ♪

[indistinct]

♪ I’m single what’ll I do ♪

♪ Like a painting ♪

♪ On the shelf ♪

♪ Yes I’ll have to be by myself ♪

♪ Cause nobody knows ♪

♪ Nobody cares if I’m ♪

♪ Blue ♪

♪ Ooh ♪♪

[all cheering]

[piano music]

[music continues]

(Louanne) ’Argh!’

Ssh!

Get out, you. Get out.

Oh, no!

Please I..

I just bought you a little present that is all.

Look. See.

Diamonds.

For you, senorita.

And more.

I’ve told you before I don’t want

your dirty smuggled diamonds.

And I don’t want you. Now, get out.

- That’s a reason to like me-- - Take your hands off me.

Get away from me.

I swear I’ll kill you.

Get away. Get away.

Stop it!

(Louanne) ’Wally! Wally!’

[crying]

Oh, you rat.

Get outta here..

Get out of here. What’re you doing?

(Miguel) ’What’re are you trying to do?’

What do you think you’re doing?

Hey, what do you think you’re doing?

Hey, you, why you--

I’ll fix you.

Ah!

[indistinct chattering]

Oh, Wally, Wally.

Take me away. Take me away.

No time to cry. Come on get all your things.

Come on, quick now. Grab your things.

- Oh. - Come on.

[indistinct chattering]

So you see, life was very dull.

And very uninteresting.

Ha ha. Dull and uninteresting.

Isn’t she modest. Ha ha ha.

Tell us what occurred after you left the farm?

Talk.

Well, you see, the dear old mater and the dear old pater

hated to let me go.

But of course I’d read of the great opportunities

on the American stage.

Where did you learn to hula? In the old barn yard?

(Louanne) ’Oh, well you see I. I sort of..’

Pardon me.

Terribly sorry. Terribly awkward too of me, wasn’t it?

Wasn’t it.

Well, I don’t know what you call it. But you see..

I can hardly express myself.

I had what is known as, "it."

Darling, this must be a terrible strain for you.

Was Mr. Dean with you at the time?

Oh, my, no, Wally?

Oh, Mr. Dean I sort of met him later.

Professionally of course.

Let me think, where was I?

[clearing throat]

America. Of course, I was sailing for America.

And uh, you were graduating from college. Yale, wasn’t it?

Oh, please. Bless you, no.

Princeton. Class of 21. Ha ha ha.

Now, that is news.

[laughing]

And when you reached New York

did you find it difficult to break in?

Oh. No, you see, I didn’t try at first.

I had an uncle here.

’Of course he was opposed to my career.’

’In fact he was opposed to everything I did.’

So he finally set me up in a fashionable girl school

up on the Hudson’s.

[indistinct chattering]

[instrumental music]

Ladies and gentlemen.

Just like I told you about the other artist.

I’m going to tell you about this sample

that you’re seeing on the outside.

’With nothing to do with the insides.’

’Behold Princess Lulu.’

’Fresh from the harems of Cairo.’

’She moves every muscle, every fiber.’

Like a Kansas city cyclone or a bowl of jelly.

Hey, cut it out there. What’s the matter with you?

- Hey, who’re you hitting. - I’m hitting you.

You’ve no rights to put your hands on her. Get outta here.

[indistinct chattering]

Hey, get back there.

- Go on out of here. - Get back.

[indistinct chattering]

You poor sap. Why don’t you get hep to yourself?

Who do you think you’re?

Me losing one job after another on account of you.

I ain’t done nothing and you get all burned up.

- Who’s burned up? - You.

I never saw such a jealous guy.

Ah!

[crowd clamoring]

Will you hurry, please?

I’ll get it. Out this way. Come on.

Then I danced for a few charity benefits.

At the smartest homes of course.

’It was at one of these, where I met my producer, Mr. Harris.’

And here I am.

It isn’t very exciting, is it? But I warned you.

Well, maybe the boys can hoke it up a bit.

You know little color--

- We’ll hoke it up. - No, no, please, please.

I insist you use the story just as I’ve told it.

I don’t believe in misrepresenting ones self

for the sake of publicity.

Quite right. Now, no distortion, please.

You’re right. It goes as is.

Word for word. Come on, fellas.

Peachy. It’s gonna be a peach of a story.

Oh, a peach.

How’d I do?

Not bad, babe. Not bad.

I’m from the Graphic.

Would you mind telling me, who your tailor is?

I beg your pardon.

Don’t forget to mention Franklin Harris

popular Broadway producer.

- Sure. - Now, he’s a great guy.

[indistinct chattering]

- Goodbye. - So sorry I got..

Well, I-I guess, I’ll be going.

I’ve to make a change for my next number.

Thanks for staying, Wally.

Oh, that’s alright.

I-I haven’t offered you my congratulations, have I?

Well, thanks, I suppose I should be feeling a bit guilty

about taking Louanne away.

Oh, we’ll manage.

Well, I, I guess, I’ll be saying goodbye.

- Goodbye. - ’Goodbye.’

- ’Goodbye.’ - I’ll be seeing ya.

’You sweet darling, oh.’

[instrumental music]

Are you a strong man?

Sure.

Open that.

Oh-ho-ho. Pickles.

- Thank you. - You’re welcome.

(both in unison) Will you have a drink?

(in unison) Thanks, I will.

Too sweet.

Too sour.

Too weak.

An old Persian custom.

[chuckles]

[music continues in distance]

For you.

Oh, wait there, don’t go away. Here comes your big moment.

5, 10. 15, 20, ready or not, you shall be caught.

- What? - Hello, baby.

Come here, I want you to..

[muttering]

No.

Well, now, wait a minute..

[muttering]

Mmph-mm.

Stop making faces at me.

Oh, I could.. What’s the matter with you?

Oh, save your energy for better things, baby.

Oh, I could just..

(female #2) ’Peggy darling, where’s my towel?’

Oh, just a minute, please.

45, 30, 35, 40.. She loves me.

[upbeat jazz music]

♪ He’s known in college as playboy ♪

♪ Not full of knowledge to say boy ♪

♪ He does okay and then some ♪

♪ He walks around in a comma ♪

♪ But he’ll never get a diploma ♪

♪ His mind’s gone on the bum ♪

- Sweetheart. - Yeah?

She’s simply nuts about me.

♪ History to him isn’t history ♪

♪ Why history to him is just a mystery ♪

♪ Hey hey he’s not so dumb ♪

♪ Every little girl he sees he wants ♪

♪ And every little girl he wants he gets ♪

♪ And every little girl he gets he gets them all ♪

[singing indistinctly]

[singing continues]

♪ Every little girl he sees he wants ♪

♪ And every little girl he wants he gets ♪

♪ And every little girl he gets he gets them all ♪

[music continues]

[tap dancing]

[rhythmic tapping]

♪ Every little girl he sees he wants ♪

♪ Every little girl he wants he gets ♪

♪ And every little girl he gets he gets them all ♪

[singing indistinctly]

[singing continues]

♪ Every little girl he sees he wants ♪

♪ And every little girl he wants he gets ♪

♪ Every little girl he gets he gets them all ♪♪

- Hiya, Pete. - Okay.

Anything on your hips, Connie?

Afraid it’s gonna be a dry night for you.

- Not carrying a thing, eh? - Not a thing.

Okay.

[chuckles]

- Hello, peaches. - Oh, Connie, you look swell.

You look swell too, baby. I only have a minute.

I wanna go give Wally the cheerio.

How’s he taking the engagement?

Never can tell a thing about that guy.

- Is that so? Well, I can. - Oh, yeah?

If you just came to see Wally, I’ll be on my way.

Come here a minute.

- I’ve got something for you. - Connie.

Remember, Portuguese who wanted his lime taken to America?

- Sure. - Well, I’ve tied up with him.

Wow.

Your boyfriend is now a legitimate business man.

- Attaboy, Connie. - He he.

I’m still an importer. You understand?

- But dealing in solids. - Solids?

And the first little chunk of sunshine is for you.

Connie, an engagement ring.

Now, just a moment, baby.

That’s just a slight token and nothing more.

Oh, I see.

When the time comes for me to have a long talk with you

about mating instincts, we won’t celebrate

the event with a pebble like that. No, ma’am.

Oh, Connie, when will that be?

Oh, some day.

I won’t interfere with your career when you’re going good?

- Engaged? - Vy, look.

If I gave her a kick on the chin you’d think we were married.

- Stop kidding. - Connie.

- Will you change your clothes? - Oh, yes, hold on.

- Hurry up. - Goodbye. Goodbye.

- See you later, peaches. - Bye.

Vy, show you full of the town tonight. You wanna come along?

Sure. That’s the cleanest proposal I’ve had all day.

[laughing]

- Can you talk Portuguese? - And how, boy.

I only missed being Portuguese meself by one port.

[laughing]

- See you later, Vy. - Yeah. Bye, Connie.

[humming]

- Hello, heaven eye. - Will you go chase yourself?

Oh, I got a better idea. You chase me.

Come on.

How are you, you old son of gun? He he.

- Very chic. - Oh, you don’t look it.

Oh, excuse me, but I’m all nervous and excited.

You know the old gag, the dull routine, the theater.

I wish I could go some place where I didn’t know anybody.

Nobody was bothered with me.

This tie I’ve tied it a 100 times.

- What’s new? - Nah.

- A cigarette? - Yeah, thanks.

- What are you doing? - I’ve got a new job.

- No. - Legitimate.

- Great. Big money? - Colossal.

Oh, that’s fine. That’s a great break. Greta break for Peggy.

Huh?

Well, you two will be getting married, won’t you?

Now, listen, Wally, don’t start that.

I just thought you two were crazy about each other.

I’ll flip the guy who says we’re not. But you know my ideas.

Women are alright to play around with.

But it’s just a game with them. A lot of tricks.

They won’t go through for you.

- No? - No.

Boy, you oughta know.

Now, you take men. A couple of bags like us for instance.

We’d go the ends of the world for each other, wouldn’t we?

- With our shoes full of tacks. - You’re darn right.

But how far would a woman go for you?

How far would Peggy go for me?

She’d drop off at the first speakeasy

and let me shiver through the snow in my BVDs.

[laughing]

Not that I’m expecting you to agree with me, Wally.

You’re sort of a..

- A.. - A sap?

Now listen, don’t misunderstand me, Wally.

You’ve got puppy ideas. You’d build a girl up from zero.

Like an artist creating a masterpiece.

Or a...cook proud of a soup.

[laughing]

And when you’re giving it that old finish, that old polish

you’ll promote a million dollar marriage for her. Wouldn’t you?

- Oh, what’s wrong with that? - Nothing.

Only you’d be crazy to do that

if you wanted to marry the dame yourself.

A guy like you shouldn’t get married.

- No? - No.

Understand me, Wally, it’s alright to have your dreams.

But I hate to see a big mug like you leavin’

those telltale tear marks on the pillow.

- Go on. Get wise to yourself. - Hmm.

Gee, you’re funny.

You think I care whether Louanne’s going away or not.

- You think I care? - He he.

- You’re crazy. - Yeah, I’m crazy.

You’re alright, huh?

You’ll have to excuse me I gotta go dancing.

No, no. Wait a minute. I wanna talk to you.

- Where you going? - Gotta go downstairs.

This is Louanne’s big number and it’s the last night

and I thought it’ll be a good idea for me to show up.

- Uh-huh. - You know, just a gesture.

Oh, sure. Sure.

Those little touches. The women like it.

They think it makes ’em look important like.

And to you it’s just..

- Don’t mean a thing. - No.

If you knew me 50 years, you’ll never see me go crazy like--

Yeah. No. Not a thing.

Here, Angela, hurry, hurry.

- Yes. - I’ll be with you in a second.

Darling, there’s my cue light, I must be going.

[orchestral music]

♪ Song of the Congo ♪

♪ Blue as the night deep as the sea ♪

♪ Song of the Congo ♪

[indistinct singing]

What’s the matter?

What are you all nervous and excited about?

You don’t want to be like that. Keep your chin up, honey.

Remember this is the last night and always leave ’em laughing

when you’re saying goodbye.

[laughing]

[orchestral music]

Wally, remember?

The moonlight?

- What moonlight? - I don’t know.

That same sort of drivel you always seemed to remember.

There’s your cue.

Wally, I don’t want to say goodbye to you.

Here. Alone.

Will you...will you kiss me?

I suppose you miss your mother at a time like this.

[sobbing]

[instrumental music]

♪ Congo carry him back to my arms ♪

♪ Congo carry him back to my charm ♪

♪ Love charms.. ♪

♪ She’s like my heart is beating ♪

♪ Wake him so he can hear me cry ♪

♪ My kisses I’m savin’ ♪

♪ For someone that’s cravin’ ♪

♪ To start misbehavin’ ♪

♪ I’m Crazy for Cannibal Love ♪

♪ I want lots of you know ♪

♪ If all this was you though ♪

♪ If I get a new bow ♪

♪ I’m Crazy for Cannibal Love ♪

♪ There’s no use to threaten ♪

♪ But hurry soon ♪

♪ I need lots of pettin’ ♪

♪ These nights in June ♪

♪ Come on entertain me ♪

♪ I bet you’ll have to chain me ♪

♪ No one can restrain me ♪

♪ I’m Crazy for Cannibal Love ♪

[music continues]

♪ Crazy ♪

[indistinct]

♪ I’m Crazy for Cannibal Love ♪

[indistinct]

♪ I’m Crazy for Cannibal Love ♪

[indistinct]

♪ But hurry soon ♪

♪ I need lots of pettin’ ♪

♪ These nights in June ♪

♪ Come on entertain me ♪

♪ You better chain me ♪

♪ No one can restrain me ♪

♪ I’m crazy for ♪♪

(all) Ho!

[audience clapping]

What is that you want?

Uh, I have an appointment with a friend of mine

who has promised to introduce me to the management.

If it’s alright?

Okay. Right down the line, sir.

Thank you.

[indistinct chattering]

Miguel.

[indistinct chattering]

I’ve been looking all over for you.

- Have a pickle. - I don’t want it.

- Ah! Come on-- - I don’t want it.

Why you act like as if you don’t want a pickle.

Have a pickle, girls.

Pickle, pickle, pickle.

Just think, darling, in one half hour

it will be goodbye to the stage forever.

I know. Isn’t it wonderful?

♪ Song of the Congo.. ♪

Oh!

- What’s the matter? - Why, uh..

Pardon me, madame, I wanted to congratulate you

’on your performance tonight.’

Your dancing is wonderful.

- Your singing is-- - Hello, Miguel.

[Wally chuckles]

He was looking for me.

’Must’ve gotten in the wrong dressing room.’

- But, senor.. - Pardon me, you haven’t met.

May I present Mr. Parada, Louanne.

- ’How’d you do?’ - Mr. Fairchild, Mr. Parada.

(Fairchild) ’How’re you doing?’

I’d almost forgotten all the boys and girls

are waiting for you in the big dressing room.

You know, sort of a farewell party.

They’re just crazy to meet Mr. Fairchild.

- Oh, thank you, Wally-- - Louanne, no more publicity.

- I’ll wait for you here. - Oh, no, you won’t, dear.

You promised never to let me out of your sight again.

Come on, dear. Very happy to have met you.

What?

Well, Miguel, what do you want?

I have simply come to renew an old acquaintance, senor.

Oh, that’s very nice of you but I’m afraid it can’t be done.

And I’m sure Lou doesn’t remember you.

Hmm. But I have good cause..

...to remember her.

Now see here, Miguel, what’s on your mind?

If it’s that silly muck that used to splash around

in your head, forget it.

You and I are out of Lou’s life forever.

And we’re gonna stay out.

- So? - So.

Now, why don’t you be a sport?

Play the part of a gentleman and bow out.

What I have with this girl, what you call unfinished business.

Oh, don’t be foolish.

You know that Lou is gonna be married tonight

right after the show?

And you and I are never going to see her again.

Tel me if I’m breaking your heart.

Oh! Married, eh?

Exactly.

Hmm, then you are right, senor.

I should never have come here.

I will go like the gentleman. Adios.

Uh-uh-uh!

Hold that pose.

You give an imitation of a gentleman right here.

Huh?

Oh, Wally?

What the..

- Have you two met? - Have we met? Have you met?

Why, sure. Miguel’s my new partner.

He’s helping me turn over a new leaf.

- Him? - What’s the matter with him?

Oh, gee, Connie, everything, everything.

- I could tell you enough of-- - Don’t tell me.

I knew there’d be a bug in it.

- Connie, do me a favor? - Yeah.

Just one favor. I’ve gotta go on the stage

keep this mug here and don’t let him get away.

If you say so but what’s the trouble?

I can’t explain now but it means everything to Louanne.

Now, please don’t muff it and me too. Do you understand?

Alright. Give me the old shotgun. He’ll be here.

(Wally) ’Alright, watch him now. He’s tricky.’

Well, I don’t know what this is all about, Miguel

but please consider yourself temporarily out of circulation.

May I sit down?

Won’t you have a chair?

- Thank you. - You’re welcome.

[both chuckling]

Come on, take your hand out of there. Take it out!

Nothing.

Oh! The trick, eh?

Yeah, nothing.

And am I sorry.

Eh! Then I will leave you, my friend.

I have business to finish.

- Adios. - Ah! Wait...

[indistinct chattering]

[instrumental music]

♪ How do you do I’m glad to be here with you folks ♪

♪ Open your eyes I’ve got to surprisin’ view ♪

♪ Believe it or not I’ll tell you what I will do folks ♪

♪ I’ll introduce some beautiful girls to you ♪

♪ There’s the miss that I kiss in the moonlight ♪

♪ There’s the Jane who is plain as can be ♪

♪ There’s the prale that the male will fall for ♪

♪ And that’s including me ♪

♪ There’s the gay florette who is willing to pet ♪

[gunshot]

♪ Whenever the lights are low ♪

- That was a shot. - Oh, there must be a mistake.

I’m sure I heard one. It sounds as it came downstairs.

I heard a shot too.

[indistinct chattering]

♪ And for your own inspection here is my collection ♪

♪ Of all the pretty girls I know ♪♪

[music continues]

- What happened? - I heard a shot.

- He had a gun and-- - Never mind.

Brush your hair and..

- But let me explain-- - Never mind.

Let me explain--

Don’t get excited. I’ll take care of everything.

[indistinct chattering]

- Wally, what happened? - A man just killed himself.

A man killed himself? That’s terrible.

They’re waiting for you inside. Now, come on snap into it.

Hurry up!

[indistinct chattering]

Let me go! Come on, stand back everybody.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Fish! I’m on the record.

Why you shouldn’t be any exception. I don’t know.

Don’t anybody come in.

What-what’s happened, Wally?

- Suicide. - Suicide?

Police headquarters quickly.

Hey, don’t you touch a thing.

It’s alright with me, flatfoot.

George, Stacy talking

’there’s just been a murder committed at Savoy Theatre.’

Yeah. Give me Dave Porter, the homicide squad, hmm.

[audience clapping]

Why, this is marvelous.

A front page murder.

[indistinct chattering]

A murder? You said it was suicide.

Speaking..

Wait a minute, mister..

- Mister.. - Give me city desk.

Now listen, old man.

You understand I’ve gotta keep my name out of this.

Such modesty. And it’s admirable.

I’m just telephoning the paper now

to tell ’em to reserve the whole front page

for your photograph.

Now, now, wait a minute.

You won’t be unreasonable, will you? I mean, I..

Hello, hello, Phill. This is Fish.

Have I got a story for ya.

I’m just asking ya, have I got a story for you.

I’m up at the new Savoy Theatre

and I’m interviewing Louanne and I stop off for a little party

and all of a sudden I hear a shot. Ha ha ha.

[instrumental music]

♪ You’re looking at the victim of circumstance ♪

♪ All rounder perhaps a bounder ♪

♪ You’re looking at a man who’s never had a chance ♪

♪ A lover who’s undercover ♪

♪ But I’ve got a secret ambition ♪

♪ I’d like to prove I’ve got a loving disposition ♪

♪ I’m just a man about town ♪

♪ Lonesome but looking around ♪

♪ The summer sweets are well ♪

♪ Who could complete a perfect love affair ♪

♪ So tired of painting the town ♪

♪ I’d like to settle right down ♪

♪ But till I find the kind of girl I’ve in mind ♪

♪ I’ll just be a man about town ♪

[music continues]

♪ I’m just a man about town ♪

♪ Lonesome and looking around ♪

♪ The summer sweets are well ♪

♪ Who could complete a perfect love affair ♪

♪ So tired of painting the town ♪

♪ I’d like to settle right down ♪

♪ But till I find the kind of girl I’ve in mind ♪

♪ I’ll just be a man about town ♪

[music continues]

♪ I’m just a man about town ♪

♪ Lonesome and looking around ♪

♪ The summer sweets are well ♪

♪ Who could complete a perfect love affair ♪

♪ So tired of painting the town ♪

♪ I’d like to settle right down ♪

♪ But till I find the kind of girl I’ve in mind ♪

♪ I’ll just be a man about town ♪

♪ But till I find the kind of girl I’ve in mind ♪

♪ I’ll just be a man about town ♪♪

[audience clapping]

I, I, now, don’t blame this on me.

’I was up there in the party, we were havin’ a good..’

That is I didn’t have a good time.

I was standing there--

The man told you to shut up. Will you shut up?

I don’t know why all this excitement

just because a guy gets shot.

- Get back. - Well, I’m not gonna be blamed.

Mr. Porter.

Will you please use your influence to keep my name out?

Sorry, but that isn’t my job.

I’m here to find out who killed Miguel Parada.

Neither my fiancé nor myself know a thing about it.

We left for the party right after

Mister Parada came into the dressing room.

There was no one with Parada, Mr. Fairchild

but Wally Dean?

Yes, that’s right. He was the only one there.

That’ll be all, Mr. Fairchild.

Are you the stage manager?

I’m the stage manager, sir.

Didn’t you say that Wally Dean was on the stage

when the shot was fired?

I did, sir.

That’s funny.

- Now, don’t blame this on me. - Stand back and quiet, please.

- Yeah, keep still. - Send Dean in, please.

Yes, sir.

[indistinct chattering]

[instrumental music]

Hey, mister.

Now don’t start blaming this thing on me

because I know absolutely nothing about it.

I’m not gonna try to blame anything on you.

I’m just trying to get this thing straightened out.

You said, that you were at the party during the shooting.

Yes, I was..

- Huh? - You said that you were at..

What’s the matter? Are you hard of hearing?

No. Why? Are you?

If you’re not hard of hearing

why do you make me repeat the question?

Oh, I don’t know.

I guess I like to hear you talk.

- What’s wrong with you? - Well, he’s not gonna blame me.

He’s not trying to blame it on you.

Why’s it when there’s an argument you speak out of turn?

I didn’t wanna be blamed.

- He didn’t blame you. - Wait a minute, dear.

- No dear about it. - Now, darling.

- Don’t talk. - Oh, wait a minute. Oh..

Okay, I’ll..

[indistinct chattering]

You wait till you come down.

Don’t ask me any questions. I don’t know a thing.

Now put your hot little hand in mine

and keep your mouth shut.

Hey.

You need to low down a little.

Take it easy. Who’s he’s talking to?

His sweetie.

What’s the matter?

Connie, I’ve seemed to have accounted for everybody

during the time of the shooting except you.

You don’t think I did it, do you?

Well, you had some sort of a business deal

with Miguel Parada, hadn’t you?

Yes, we had a deal.

But this affair is gonna cost me a lot of money.

Sure that it isn’t going to make money for you?

What’s the idea of all of this insinuation stuff?

If you think I did it why don’t you charge me?

Oh, take it easy. I haven’t accused you..

...yet.

I didn’t even have a gun.

Pete will explain it.

He’s right, chief.

I searched him when he came in he didn’t have any guns.

- And no liquor, either. - Yes, I know.

Parada was shot with his own gun.

The only question is "Who held the gun?"

I wish I could tell you.

Did you bring Parada backstage?

- No, he came back himself. - Where were you?

I was backstage just fooling around.

Fooling around, eh?

Just exactly where were you fooling around

during the time of the shooting?

- Why.. - In my dressing room.

- If you must know. - Oh.

Well, what was he doing there?

Only a copper would care.

Do you see this?

Connie and I are being married tonight.

- Aren’t we, Connie? - Sure.

We certainly are. Right after the show.

She landed him.

How do you know that Connie was in your dressing room

at the exact moment that Parada was murdered?

Because when I heard the shot

I fell right off his lap.

Do you wanna see the bruise?

Oh, no, no, no.

- May I go now? - Yes, alright.

Thank you.

Alright, see you later, Peggy.

Sorry, Connie.

- Just had to check up. - It’s alright.

Hey, Fish.

Don’t forget to work Mr. Harris into the story, will ya?

Oh, that’s a swell idea.

We’ll hang the murder on Harris

and get this all over.

I gotta date with a giddy blonde.

Peggy. What’s new?

Oh, Wally. I just testified that Connie

was in my dressing room during the shooting.

Oh, that’s right.

I did see Connie go into your room.

Oh, thanks, Wally. You’re a peach.

Shh, quiet.

Now, I’m going to ask you a few very pertinent questions.

- Are you.. - Please, please take me first.

You see, I have to go on again.

- Alright. - Will you pardon me, Louanne?

You know the finale. I’ve to make the change.

Thanks.

Did you leave Miguel Parada in this young ladies dressing room?

Yes, sir, I did.

(Dave) ’What were you and Parada doing just before you left him?’

We were having an argument.

’What were you arguing about?’

Well, he, he was threatening to do it.

I was trying to talk him out of it.

- ’Threatening to do what?’ - ’Just what he did.’

(Wally) ’Kill himself.’

Why should he wanna kill himself?

Same old reason. A girl.

In this case, Louanne.

So you knew Miguel Parada?

As a matter of fact she never saw him until tonight.

’Do you see he’s been sitting upfront for the past two weeks?’

’Sort of hopelessly in love’

’and sending her passionate notes and flowers.’

Did you receive the flowers?

Well..

You see, I get so many flowers

I really can’t recall who sends them to me.

Fortunately, I was able to manage

sort of to intercept the notes.

Just what is your interest in all this?

Well, I don’t know.

I just sort of felt that Parada was a maniac.

’And I knew that...Louanne was a fine girl.’

This sort of a thing a regular occurrence in show business?

Sure, and it’s no cinch to keep a crazy man away from a girl..

...particularly when he’s in love with the girl.

You know, Parada used to come to me and cry like a baby

and...and beg me to try and fix it up for him.

’Why didn’t you tell him?’

Oh, I don’t know. I...never do.

I’m just sorta like that.

You see, I...I figured out that I could go on kidding Mr. Parada

till after Louanne was married and away.

But he read of her announcement

announcement of her marriage in the paper

and he came here tonight with the frenzied notion

that he just couldn’t go on living without her.

(Dave) ’Why, he hadn’t even met her.’

Would any man have to do more

than look at Louanne to be mad about her?

You know, Dean, for a man to take his own life

he takes a very serious step.

And I don’t believe that

Parada had justifiable cause to commit suicide.

(Wally) ’You don’t?’

(Dave) ’No.’

Mr. Porter..

...have you ever been in love?

’Why, certainly.’

But have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t have?

[chuckling]

No. I married the girl.

You see, there’s the difference. Parada was a cheap smuggler.

A small timer, and he knew that Louanne was above him

and would always be above him.

Unless you’ve loved someone

and known you weren’t good enough for them

and watched them slipping right through your fingers..

Unless you’ve realized that the breaking of your heart

’meant...their happiness..’

Unless you’ve known these things

you couldn’t possibly know what was going on inside Mr. Parada.

(Dave) ’Well, I wouldn’t kill myself.’

’Course you wouldn’t. Neither would I.

We’d laugh it off and pretend indifference.

But not Parada. Oh, no.

He was sort of theatrical, hot-blooded.

- ’He was a fool.’ - Of course he was.

I told him so, and I thought I had him convinced.

Until I come back after my number to the dressing room and

found him...dead.

[indistinct whispering]

Wait, Dean.

That’s the way it looks to me, chief.

What do you think, Joe?

Looks like a clear case.

In some ways, it’s too clear.

All we have is this man’s story.

Uh, could you use a good eyewitness?

Who?

Well, I didn’t wanna say anything, Dave

but I saw this bird bump himself off.

- What? - Yeah.

I was coming down the corridor

and I saw the door standing open a little bit

and I just kinda peeked in, and I saw him.

He was standing there with a gun in his hand.

Like this.

"Stop, stop!" I yelled.

In my very best English, of course.

And I dove for the door

but before I could reach him, he pulled the trigger. Bang.

Kerplunk.

Look here, Fish. You actually saw all this?

Certainly, of course. Surely.

You’ve been around here all evening

watching this investigation taking up my time..

Say, why didn’t you tell me?

Because I like you, Dave.

And I know you like to use your own ideas

to unravel these mysteries.

Then I thought, well, now maybe old boy, Dave old boy

can make a murder out of this.

And snag himself a nice promotion.

Ha ha ha.

Well, if the gentlemen of the law

will excuse the gentleman of the press

the gentleman of the press will phone the press..

...to inform the public of the greatest, sensational suicide

of the current year.

Adios.

Come on, baby, it’s all over.

Oh! My hero!

Ha ha ha. Have a pickle.

[indistinct mumbling]

Excuse me, mister, uh, mister, uh..

Hello, Bill? Fish. For the record.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Don’t forget to keep my name out of the papers.

- Oh, sure, sure. - Thanks.

Bill, I wanna make a change in that Savoy Theatre story. Yeah.

From murder to suicide. Yeah, that’s right.

"Miguel Parada shoots himself from unrequited love of.."

...of, uh, uh, oh nuts. Make it "Shoots self, through heart."

Yeah. A Hamilton Fish, star reporter, is eyewitness.

That’s me. Well, now, wait a minute.

You don’t think I’m blind all the time, do you?

Oh, look, uh, did you get that photograph of Emerson Fairchild?

- No, please, don’t forget. - Oh, leave it to me, buddy.

That’s fine. He was so afraid you wouldn’t use it.

What!

Now make that a nice layout, Bill.

- With a double border of cupid. - You’re hopeless!

Inquest tomorrow, but it’s all washed up.

Oh, and listen, Bill.

I want you to put a nice paragraph in there

about Miss Violet Madison.

That charming..

Oh.

Delightful..

Oh.

Incomparable beauty..

...and future star of Broadway smash hit "Bright Lights."

- Oh! - Thank you.

I wonder why my wife don’t come along.

[instrumental music]

Well, better luck next time.

Excuse me.

Now you made me a little jenny

but you did me a wonderful favor.

You mind telling me just why you testified

the way you did inside?

Wally, old boy, I actually graduated from Princeton in ’21.

Oh, you’re killing me.

And I think we Princeton boys oughta stick together.

And then, baby here, was hungry for romance.

And very much in a hurry.

Ah, just the same, I want you to know that I appreciate it.

I’ll see you around the Harvard Club sometime.

- The what? - Oh, the Princeton.

Well, I...I suppose there’s nothing to say but..

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Louanne.

- Where’s Emerson going? - Home.

- Why? - To put me in my souvenirs.

Do you realize, Louanne, that you’re passing up everything?

Millions, respect, the home

a future, everything that means anything.

- I realize. - What’re you doing it for?

- For you. - I won’t let you do it.

You’ve got nothing at all to say about it this time.

You won’t pawn me off onto somebody I don’t want.

If you don’t want me, I’ll do my own selecting.

Come on, folks, hurry up. The finale.

Get outta here. We’re gonna have our finale right now.

Mr. Harris! Mr. Harris!

- I won’t go on. - Oh, yes, you will.

- No, I won’t. - Come on, yes, you’ll go on.

- Come on. - No, I won’t.

I’m not going on for you or anyone.

- Yes, you are. - You can’t frighten me.

So climb on your pony and ride away.

- Hope you fall off a cliff. - Cut out the conversation..

Mr. Harris, it’s alright.

She’ll go on. I’ll take care of that.

You think I’ll go on? You’re crazy.

[all clamoring]

I’m not going on, get that in your head.

- Hey, will you stop-- - Just a second, Mr. Harris.

Tell me. Tell me, Wally, you love me.

- Tell me. - Oh, you chump.

Of course I love you.

Whatever made you think I didn’t.

The finale! The finale!

Oh, what a finale! Mmm.

What’s the matter with you two? Are you crazy?