Original subtitles

Gotham City International Airport.

A pleasant day for an important arrival.

Royal Ambassador Service...

Well, gentlemen, please, a little room for the king.

Welcome to Gotham City, Your Highness. This has been a long-awaited pleasure.

Thank you, my friends, but the pleasure is entirely mine. Heh, heh.

I've heard wonderful things about your city.

- How was your flight, Your Majesty? - Bumpy.

Oh, eh, except when we crossed into American territory, then it was smooth.

- I'd like to ask... - The, uh, limousine's waiting.

I'm sure you'd like to go to the hotel and freshen up.

Fine, fine.

- Oh, may I take that for you? - No, no, thank you, no.

No offense, but it's too important. I shall carry it with me until the presentation.

Your Majesty, on behalf of the welcoming committee...

I'd like to present you with these roses.

Well, thank you, young lady. Thank you very much.

Shy little thing, isn't she? Heh, heh.

But these flowers are certainly...

Make anything out of it, Chief O'Hara?

There's no doubt about it.

The Riddler, that infernal prince of puzzlers as you call him, is up to his old tricks.

And what would those tricks be, chief? "When is a person like piece of wood?"

- What does it mean? - I wish I knew, commissioner. I wish I knew.

Anyone else think they can make any sense out of it?

Well, there is one man who might be able to.

I have a fine police force here...

yet I have no alternative but to call on their services once again.

A long time ago I gave up trying to figure out who he was. I owe him too much for that.

We all owe him a very great deal.

And in Wayne Manor...

stately and secure home of millionaire Bruce Wayne...

and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson.

I'll beckon him, sir, immediately.

I think that's mate, old chum.

- Gosh, Bruce, why can't I ever beat you? - You have on several occasions.

Only when your mind is on important matters or...

Ahem. Excuse me for interrupting, sir, but it's the Batphone.

Oh, boy.

- Sorry, Aunt Harriet, didn't mean to scare you. - Mercy alive.

If didn't know you two better, I'd think you were up to something.

Oh, what do you mean, Aunt Harriet?

Well, it's just that, every once in a while...

you come zooming out of this room like jet planes...

practically knocking me over and then, rushing out with hardly any explanation.

That is no mystery, Aunt Harriet.

Dick and I just played a game of chess and we agreed that, if I won...

he'd do some studying. If he won, we'd go fishing. Bye, dear.

- Yes, commissioner. - Batman, I'm having trouble...

- with a riddle. - Him again.

We'll be right over. To the Batpoles.

- It's the Riddler's modus operandi, all right. - I agree.

Nobody else would use such a spectacular and bizarre method to flaunt a puzzle.

What the devil is the culprit trying to tell us?

The riddle itself is pretty basic. A person is a piece of wood when he's a ruler.

You figure it has something to do with King Boris?

- Maybe. - Good thinking, Robin...

but no attempt was made to abduct or to harm him.

Wood, ruler, king.

A chess king, the international chess tournament tonight...

$25,000 in prize money.

- Boy Wonder, you've done it again. - I think this thing is much bigger than that.

The Riddler goes after millions, not thousands. He loves to dazzle us with his fancy footwork.

In any case, chief, assign an extra squad of men to cover the place.

What is King Boris's itinerary?

Well, he's here on a goodwill visit.

Among other things, he should be an honorary judge at the Miss Galaxy finals tomorrow.

And the following day will appear at the Queen of Freedom Monument.

I saw that in the papers.

He's going to present a museum of fame...

with a doll-sized replica of the Queen of Freedom.

A queen? A queen can be a ruler. That's it.

What queen? There is no queen. The king ain't married.

There will be tomorrow, a new queen of beauty.

They're going to crown her with a priceless diamond and emerald tiara.

Exactly, Robin. And it's my guess that our puzzling friend will try to steal it.

Now we're getting somewhere, I'll have that place blocked so tight...

On the contrary.

I think we should let the Riddler steal the tiara.

Ladies and gentlemen, before I announce this year's winner...

I should like to introduce you to last year's Miss Galaxy.

She is Jacky Sands.

This is it, the moment you have all been waiting for...

the moment one of these girls has been waiting for, our moment of truth.

Knowing that arch-villain, the Riddler, I'm almost positive he'll show up for this event.

We'll soon find out. Miss Galaxy will be crowned any moment.

The new Miss Galaxy, queen of beauty...

is Southern City's own sparkling-eyed beauty...

Julia Davis.

- Congratulations, Julia. - Thank you.

Miss Galaxy, it is with great pleasure that I crown you queen of beauty...

with this magnificent diamond and emerald tiara.

Oh!

- Isn't she beautiful? - Thank you.

Miss Galaxy. Let's hear it for her, ladies and gentlemen.

He's in for quite surprise when he discovers I substituted a paste tiara for the real one.

Too bad we didn't get a chance to paste the Riddler.

We might yet. Don't forget, I placed a homing transmitter in the band of that tiara.

- It'll lead us right to his hideout. - Yes.

Now to the Batmobile.

- Wait, Robin, look. - Holy sewer pipe, what's he up to?

You're slipping, Batman.

I knew it was a phony crown all the time. Heh, heh, heh!

Riddle me this, crime fighter, what room can no one enter?

If you figure it out, look for another royal riddle in this crown.

That ends any chance of tracking him on the homing device.

- Shall we go after him in the manhole? - We'd never find him.

There're hundreds of tunnels down there.

- A riddle a day keeps the Riddler away. - What?

Once, a long time ago, the Riddler made the mistake of telling me that.

It means as long as he dishes out riddles, he's not finished with his plot.

When the riddles stop, that's when he's ready for his final caper.

And he told the truth, that diamond tiara wasn't what he was really after.

Right, Robin, but we have two more riddles to tell us what it might be.

Now, the first clue was, "What room can no one enter?"

- A mushroom. - Agreed. The second one, read it again.

"What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space...

beginning of every end and the end of every race?"

Golly, Batman, it doesn't seem to make sense.

Let's see, if your first answer, mushroom, was correct...

- Why, that's it. Of course. - You have it?

What was it the Riddler said when he threw back the tiara?

There's a royal riddle in this crown.

Look up the address of the Royal Mushroom Club.

There are some things we can do the good old fashioned way, using the telephone book.

I must be getting lazy.

Meanwhile in another cave...

a rat cave, dreary hideout of the sinister River Rats Gang...

currently in the employ of the Riddler.

What's this, River Rats?

Munching cheese while there's work to be done?

Sorry, Riddler, but we got hungry.

Oh, indeed. Perhaps you'll lose your appetite...

when I deduct the cheese bill from your share of the profits.

- How'd it go, chief? - Magnificent, sumptuous.

You should've seen the look on Batman's face when I threw the tiara.

Now, my good rats, now is the time to go to the Royal Mushroom Club.

If plan 13Z goes well, and I'm sure it will...

the finest achievement in crime should be culminated tonight.

The end of Batman and Robin.

And later at the Royal Mushroom Club...

- Magnificent, what a fantastic duplication. - With those jewels, it must be worth a fortune.

Value is not the object, it's friendship that counts and admiration for your great country.

- To America. - America.

America.

Mmm! What a delicious wine. Oh, ho! Marvelous bouquet.

The Royal Mushroom Club has some of the finest wines in the world.

- Right, Mr. Ambassador? - Yes, fine vintages in rare years, indeed.

Ahem. Begging your pardon, Mr. Ambassador...

but we're very proud of our wine cellar.

- Perhaps His Majesty would like a tour? - An excellent idea.

I'm always interested in good wines, like a small boy looking at expensive bicycles.

Well, then, let me lead the way.

- Batman, Robin, trouble or pleasure? - We're not sure yet.

Is King Boris visiting here tonight?

Why, yes, he just went with some other guests for a tour of our wine cellar.

- Which way? - Fastest way is down the stairs.

Come on, Robin, we haven't a second to lose.

Well, well. Chateau le Duc 29. Oh, I didn't know there was any left.

I'm very much impressed. Heh.

Batman and Robin, this is an unexpected pleasure.

Thank you. This isn't a social visit. May we approach King Boris?

Oh, it's an honor to meet you. How can I be of service?

Your Majesty, you're in great danger here. May we escort you to your hotel?

- Danger? Heh, that's ridiculous. - We thought so too, but then...

Oh, I've heard wondrous things about you, Batman.

But this time I'm afraid you're wrong. First of all, I am with friends.

Second, there is no political threat against me, I assure you.

My country is small and harmless, my people content and happy.

Who would want to...

Heavenly days!

- The king, he's gone. - What?

Great Scott, a trap door.

- Does anyone know where this leads? - I wasn't aware there was a trap door here.

Come on, Robin. There might be an exit from it outside the club.

"Two steps to aid you with my plot." That's no riddle.

But those are.

"How much dirt is in a hole three acres square and 200 feet deep?"

None, because it's a hole.

I suggest that's a bit too elementary for our quizzical criminal.

"If you're having difficulty with the first...

perhaps your young friend can help you on this one.

What won't run long, without winding?"

"What won't run long without winding?" Clock? Stairway.

A river.

The Gotham River.

- But which bend or wind? - We'll soon find out.

Come on, Robin, back to the Batcave!

Gotham City River, bending and winding sections.

- Nothing there. - Hm.

- Negative again. - Hold it.

I think we may have something. Let's take a closer look.

That may be it.

Gotham City Water and Power Plant...

exact location and size.

This could be a clue, a hole three acres wide and 200 feet deep.

I'll bet the Riddler and his gang are holing up with King Boris.

- Let's go dig them out. - And fast.

And at the obsolete water and power plant...

I don't know what kind of rogues you are, but I demand that you release me this instant.

Gee, I never met royalty before. It's pretty thrilling.

Royalty?

You never met royalty?

And just whom do you think stands before you, my cherub?

I am the Prince of Puzzlers, the Count of Conundrums, the King of Crime.

I hold court here, no one else!

It was a good idea, hiding the Batmobile in that thicket.

- Nobody will spot it there. - Hope no one spots us climbing this wall.

Why don't we just break in through the main entrance?

- Surprise-attack style. - Don't worry, we'll catch them off guard.

Through the ventilating system?

First I wanna make sure we don't endanger King Boris when we make our entrance.

Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman.

That's not the point, Robin.

What's important is the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe.

- Be they peasant or a king. - Gee, Batman, I never thought of that.

- You're right. - It's the very essence of our democracy.

Now, listen, you have the Queen of Freedom replica.

What possible good can it do for you to keep me here?

My fine sovereign friend, in your wildest imagination...

you could never begin to conceive my genius stratagem.

If not ransom, then what?

You, my dear king, have been reduced to a pawn...

an important pawn, however, for you will be used to checkmate Batman...

and, heh, his precocious, heh, Boy Wonder.

When they show up...

then my men will escort you safely back to town, ha, ha...

with your statue.

- You want a piece of cheese? - Not without a good vintage port, you lackey.

To quote an old axiom, the finer the bait, the shorter the wait.

Right, king-y?

And we shouldn't have to wait much longer if Batman fell for my clues.

All right, boy.

Now you're going to fall, right into the hands of the law.

Now, Whitey.

Batman, we're caught in this sticky stuff.

I... I can't get out of it. I... I can't move.

Neither can I.

Ha! It couldn't be more beautiful. Ha, ha, ha!

Whoever heard of a bat caught in a spider's web?

Wait, rats, be sure to strap them down good.

I'm a man of my word, king-y.

Whiskers, Whiskers, return the statue to His Majesty...

and take him back to town, blindfolded, of course. Oh...

Oh, you were stupendous as a pawn, king-y.

Batman and Robin played right into my hands.

Comfortable?

Batman...

these drive shafts rotate 1000 revolutions per second.

That means the centrifugal force will tear the bones from your bodies.

But before I start them spinning, I'd like to spin off one last riddle.

You might have about a minute to solve it before you die.

Now, then, why is a woman in love like a welder?

Bye, Batman.

Goodbye, Boy Wonder.

Take it easy, Robin.

One bad turn deserves another.