Original subtitles

Hey, Yoichi, I'm heading to the theater now.

Where are you? It’s only 9.

I woke up at 5.

Are you kidding me?

I just ran out of makeup. Can you pick some up?

Hey, you!

Hey, asshole!

Did you sign the divorce papers?

What are you up to these days?

You’re lookin’ at it. I pass out flyers.

W...wait.

Wait! I'm not done.

That fuckin' hurts.

Let’s take a breather.

Are you still doing that ventriloquist shit?

No one wants to see that out-of-date shit.

That shit's so stupid. There’s no future in it.

You're gonna be one sad geezer.

So what?

God, our marriage was such a joke.

Gimme $200.

What?

We’re not married anymore. You think you can fuck me for free?

You heard me, $200!

Welcome to the STRETCH and SHORTY show.

I’m STRETCH!

I’m STRETCH!

Hey, SHORTY! Wake up! Our audience is going to get mad.

Stop calling me SHORTY!

Stop calling me SHORTY!

Whoa!

Cuz you’re short too… even shorter than me!

Like 20 feet shorter!

We’re almost the same height.

If that’s the case let’s swap names. You'll be SHORTY and I’ll be STRETCH.

Absolutely not.

You’re so close-minded. That’s why you’re so short.

Little. Tiny. Puny!

Stop calling me that!

Fucking baby... It's crying ruined my act.

Some people were laughing.

Yoichi, you think my act's out of date?

Well…

There’s a new style getting popular.

Yeah...

I know mine's out of date.

Did something happen?

Lemme see what you’ve got so far.

Ok.

Hey you big dumb oaf!

I knew it was just an act.

I know you call yourself short...

but I had a feeling you were tall.

You’re exactly as I imagined you to be.

Listening to your act puts a smile on my face.

I know it’s weird to say I was “listening.”

Thanks.

I'm sorry for interrupting.

Here, I asked them to choose fresh ones.

I love the color red.

I hope they are red.

Ok then.

What should I do with these?

She gave 'em to you.

What!?

“FROM YOUR FAN, HIKARI”

Oh my gosh. How cheesy.

Answer it. I want to fuck a stupid girl talking on her cell.

Hello?

Hi.

Oh, Hikari?

Luna? Can you talk?

Sure. What’s up?

What kind of idiot doesn’t turn her phone off, when with a client?

Thanks for writing that note. I gave it to him today.

Really? How’d it go?

I got so nervous, I don’t remember what I said.

No way! Next time you should…

Hang on a sec….

You’re gonna have to work it?

Are you gonna be late tonight?

Yeah, I think so.

I’ll talk to you later, ok.

Why did you hang up?

Because…

You shoudn't have hung up.

Hello?

Oh shit!

Good evening! We are STRETCH and SHORTY!

Hey, Yoichi! Where’s the beer?

Alright, alright!

“A, E, I, O, U”

You’re so slow!

Sorry about that.

Hey Yoichi, thanks for doing this.

“I wanna be a little bit taller…”

You were great. Come again soon.

Hikari!

Luna!

Hello, it’s Hikari. I am not available now.

Oh my goodness!

Hello?

Thanks for calling me.

I wasn’t able to answer my phone last night.

I called you?

This is Daisuke, right?

Actually… I’m a bit busy right now.

Sorry, I’ll try again later.

Thanks!

It’s too late to do anything about it.

What do you mean?

The average height for men is 5’ 6”, you’re only 3’ 3”.

That’s not true, is it?

Great job.

Thank you, ma’am. Thanks for allowing me to perform here.

What’s up with Yoichi?

He seems to have caught a cold.

Kids are quick to take sick-days.

No guts!

Just like that, whoosh they’re gone.

I bet.

He has a really high fever.

I’m sure he does.

What are you talking about?

That was funny. Be sarcastic like that on stage.

Back off! You’re not my dad.

I was trying to give you a compliment.

Oh really?

What?

What?

Fuck off.

Fuck you!

Hey, cut it out guys.

You're on!

Oh shit, it’s our turn.

Ladies and gentlmen, we are ICHIRO and JIRO!

Today, we'll be performing…

Yoichi's very lucky to have a teacher like you.

I think so.

Thank you, sir.

Here.

When you became my student, I didn’t think you’d last.

But you’ve been working so hard.

You’re getting better, but you still have a long way to go.

Just be patient and stay focused.

That’s all you need. Stick to it and you’ll be…

So you mean give up the girl, huh?

What?

You got a call from Hikari earlier.

You spoke to her this morning, right?

Only because you called her so many times.

I know. I need to focus.

I’ll forget about her.

Good.

It’s you she really likes.

It’s your voice.

Here.

You should get back to the theater.

I know that!

I recently got remarried.

What’s she like?

She’s got big knockers and a big booty. And down there…

I was asking about her personality, dummy!

…beats me.

Hi, how are you?

Is this Daisuke?

Sounds like you’re at a happenin’ spot.

I’m in the Kabuki-cho district.

Are you on a date?

No, I just got off work.

Oh, you have a job?

Of course I do, silly.

Oh, I’m sorry.

I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you have a girlfriend?

No way.

No girl would want to date a starving artist like me.

I could be your girlfriend.

What?

I'm drunk.

I was so tired after work. So, I had a couple beers.

I'll call you later, ok?

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

I’ve been so worried about you.

This isn’t right.

You're drenched with sweat...

Hello?

I was following her to see who she was.

She’s a prostitute.

She works at a fantasy whore house.

You sound shocked.

No, really?

Who cares? You’re flipping out over nothing.

Should I make an appointment with her?

I will too.

Seriously?

Why? What’s it to you?

Nothing.

What'd he want?

You need to make a decision.

I told you my husband died from cirrhosis of the liver.

Life is short.

What difference would getting married make in our lives?

It's really up to you.

Hey, Yoichi.

Yoichi.

Do you wanna go first?

Okay, I'll go.

"THE TRAIN MAN PLAYHOUSE"

See you tomorrow.

"YAMAKAWA ACUPUNCTURE"

Pardon me.

You must be Daisuke, right?

Hello.

Stalker.

Cheers!

Damn girl, you can drink!

Do you have a cold?

You smell really nice.

It’s called "eau d'hospital."

I disinfect acupuncture needles.

Turn that way.

There’s an area called the ‘Fumon.' It should help with your cold.

You smell good, too.

You remember our conversation from the other night?

What'd we talk about?

Never mind, I think you were drunk.

I never lie, not even when I’m drunk.

I have a best friend.

Her name's Luna.

Sounds like a comedy duo in the making.

Something like that. We do everything together.

She picked out these clothes for me.

She’s got great taste.

Are your friends ventriloquists?

They tell me I’m annoying to drink with. I don’t like those guys.

If I heard them say that, I’d stick ‘em with my needles.

Thanks.

When I was in 5th grade, I got a bad fever and went blind.

I was so depressed when everything went black.

You’re wondering why I’m bringing this up.

My blindness doesn’t bother me anymore, I’ve come to terms with it.

Some people are only nice to me 'cause I’m “the blind girl.” I hate that.

It makes me happy when people are nice to me just because.

Some people say ventriloquism's a dead art, but I don’t agree.

I’m trying to combine classic and modern to create a new style.

I’m on the cutting edge!

What’s it like?

What?

What’s the cutting edge of ventriloquism look like?

Well…

Because I like what you’re doing right now.

You're right. Changing isn't always good.

Hikari, I wanna tell you...

Yes?

I'm going home.

Can you turn the lights off?

Come to me.

Do you think i'm a virgin?

I’ve been with three men. I have needs.

I’m a normal girl and I want to be with you.

You’re gonna catch my cold. Let’s not do this tonight.

I want your cold.

Daisuke!

Daisuke!

Hikari.

I really love the way you smell.

I'm going to work.

Um… be careful, ok.

I’ll call you.

Ouch! Quit it!

What’s with you?

What?

What do you mean, “what?"

What?

You got some, didn’t you?

All I got was a “cold."

He's making mistakes.

He’s too young to be senile.

You senile bastard.

What?

I said you’re fucking senile!

Oh yeah? At least I’m funny.

Fuck you!

What did you say?

Go fuck yourself.

You’ve reached STRETCH and SHORTY’s phone.

Um? Is Daisuke there?

You must be Hikari. You guys went on a date yesterday, right?

Yeah...

Did you have fun?

Are you Daisuke's apprentice?

You went to a beer garden, a club, and then to a hotel...

How was it?

Did you like it?

Did you feel good?

He was really excited.

He said you look like an angel, but are a real freak in the sheets!

I hear you give good head.

Where’d you learn to do that?

Oh right! Since you’re blind your other senses are heightened, right?

Shit.

What?

You should see a doctor.

Stop!

Not now!

Good work today.

You old bitch!

He made a decision.

I know myself.

I know I’m not talented. I’m not focused.

You know what I think?

Ventriloquism is for losers!

You’re a fucking loser!

Goddamnit!

Phone call from Daisuke.

You've reached the STRETCH and SHORTY show!

Here’s the thing… I found a new partner.

You did, huh?

But he’s got really bad breath.

Mine’s got stinky feet.

Sounds horrible.

What’re we gonna do?

Look at that big dumb oaf.

Yeah…

Where do we go from here?

I don’t know.

Hikari!

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Are you pissed?

Are those new shoes?

Where do you wanna go tonight?

What’s up with you?

Why are we here again?

You want to go somewhere else?

Next is a club and then a hotel?

You think I’m a real idiot.

You think I’m stupid.

No!

Then explain it to me!

Just tell me the fucking truth!

Fucking asshole!

I’m getting word that 35 year old ventriloquist, Mr. Daisuke Kato…

…was unable to tell the love of his life, Hikari, the truth…

so she dumped him.

Huh? Why?

Because...

“I want to be a little bit taller…”

You there? Hey dumbass, you there?

I’m working for a life insurance company, but business is slow.

You ever thought about getting a policy?

Nope.

Found it.

What's your name?

I’m Yoichi.

So the ex-wife and ex-student bump into each other.

Isn't it funny?

I’m fucking tired.

Quit it. You’re gonna wrinkle my clothes.

Cut it out.

Lemme sign you up for a policy, ok?

Whatever!

Hurry up. I’m on a tight schedule.

He’s not here.

You want to come in and wait for him?

What you said to me on the phone, was it true?

You want to get fucked again? You're a fool.

Hey, what’s keeping you?

Later.

Hello?

Yeah, I’m good.

I’m still working and hanging out. Everything’s great.

So how's the farming and stuff?

Oh, I see. The harvest is already done.

Hey mom…

Describe the dragonflies to me, like you did when I was little?

How’d it go?

They said the theater's closing soon.

That’s just a rumor.

That’s what she wants to do, though.

I'll keep it open.

Get outta my way.

How’s Hikari?

That’s none of your business.

Last time I saw her she was at your place.

Here’s your key.

See you later.

You’ve reached the STRETCH and SHORTY show.

"YAMAKAWA ACUPUNCTURE" CLOSED TODAY

You and Hikari's boyfriend know each other?

I heard about you from him. So... how's Hikari these days?

We haven't been hanging out much lately.

Oh, really?

Don't tell her i told you, but it was her first time.

I’m sure it was scary for her.

Because she's blind.

Is he a ventriloquist?

The first time's terrifying for everyone.

I can’t imagine going through it blind.

She jumped in head first and fell in love too fast.

I was so happy when she told me she had a good time.

What a relief, you know?

Um, you don’t really seem all that into this.

Why are you crying?

I don’t know anything!

You're an asshole!

Thank you very much!

Great job out there.

Hey, you look taller.

Hello.

Thanks, boss.

Thank you.

Did you get my message? She’s leaving and going back home.

Oh, ok.

She mentioned she wanted to see you.

“She’ll be waiting in the park.”

Welcome to the STRETCH and SHORTY show!

Hey, have you grown?

Don’t sleep!

Don’t throw up!

Don’t die!

Hey, lemme check out your shoes.

No way!

According to the paper, all ventriloquist dummies have been complaining about their height.

“I just want to be taller. Why can’t I be taller?”

Hey, give me your shoes!

No!

Give me!

Noooooo!

What a dumbass.

You’re still wearing those shoes.

It’s part of my act.

Hikari, I'm sorry.

You make the audience laugh by making fun of yourself, right?

I do the same thing sometimes.

I wish I had realized that.

I’m sorry.

No, I’m sorry.

Wait, someone might see us.

What's that matter? I can’t see them.

That's so good...

It is...

Yes.

Daisuke...

Hikari...

It’s easier being led by a shorter person.

Take off your shoes.

And go barefoot?

Should I give you a piggyback ride?

Here are some stairs.

And then?

And then your daddy died… and you were born.

You and daddy met here, and he died where you fell in love?

That’s right.

What’s that?

Hm? What’s what?

There's something over there.

Take a look, I promise it's something beautiful.

According to the newspaper…