Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:03,177
♪♪
2
00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:05,396
-Next up,
The People vs. Pam Allen.
3
00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,703
-Your Honor, the defense moves
to have this case dismissed
4
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:11,054
due to my client's
debilitating medical condition.
5
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,274
-If I may ask,
what condition is that?
6
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,798
-Defendant claims
she's a werewolf.
7
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:19,628
-Actually, Your Honor,
she would be a wiffwolf,
8
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:22,065
since "were"
is Old English for "man."
9
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:27,114
-Patriarchy strikes again.
10
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,899
-Okay, none of this excuses
the fact that Ms. Allen
11
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:31,335
bit the ankle
of an innocent deliveryman,
12
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:36,253
then chased his truck
and humped a child's Teddy bear.
13
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:40,301
-Your Honor, try to put
yourself in my client's...paws.
14
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:41,824
She was very much on edge.
15
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,217
There were fireworks,
and someone nearby
16
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,784
was running a vacuum cleaner.
17
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:48,222
-My neighbors are monsters.
18
00:00:49,701 --> 00:00:52,139
-If the defendant is,
indeed, a wiffwolf,
19
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:55,272
her actions are beyond
the court's jurisdiction.
20
00:00:55,316 --> 00:01:00,060
Therefore, we will allow her
the opportunity to...turn?
21
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,932
Transform?
22
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:07,458
-We will accept transform.
-Great.
23
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,156
Can we get an infield huddle?
24
00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:12,115
-What the hell
is going on here?
25
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,595
We're only three cases in,
26
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,640
and we've already had
a feminist werewolf,
27
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,947
someone trying to break
the time barrier,
28
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,776
and what appears to be
a classic body swap.
29
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,654
-It's a Blood Moon, Your Honor.
30
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,395
It's when the city's
craziest cases come in.
31
00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:34,616
-We used to actually bet on all
the insanity back in the day.
32
00:01:34,658 --> 00:01:36,051
One year I won the trifecta.
33
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,402
I had invisible man,
a doll come to life,
34
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:41,013
and an alien trying to get back
to his home planet.
35
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,015
-We play Blood Moon Bingo.
36
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,453
The cards would be here already,
but...
37
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:48,847
[ Spookily ]
...the copier is broken!
38
00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,938
[ Normal voice ] What?
Trying to set the mood.
39
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:54,375
-Let's call the next case.
40
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:57,029
-Uh, I can't seem to find
the paperwork, Your Honor.
41
00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:58,292
-This is a scary one,
Your Honor,
42
00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,815
even for a Blood Moon.
43
00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:02,992
-Alright, what is it, a zombie,
a swamp monster?
44
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:05,429
-Worse!
It's a mom!
45
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,866
-Ahhh!
46
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:11,392
-Oh, my gosh!
-Oh, my gosh!
47
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,698
-Oh, good,
now there's two of them.
48
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:23,404
♪♪
49
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:30,672
♪♪
50
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,543
-I know I wasn't supposed
to come down
51
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:35,198
for another couple of months,
but I just couldn't wait.
52
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,505
What if I got hit by a bus
before then?
53
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:39,071
It's very possible.
54
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:41,161
Our town is up to two buses.
55
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,772
-Guys, this is my mom, Gina.
56
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:48,168
-Oh, you must be Olivia.
57
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:50,213
You look just like the lady
58
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,215
they put in the picture frames
at Marshall's.
59
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:56,872
And then you buy it and think,
"Maybe I'll just keep it in."
60
00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:59,570
-Do you really mean that?
-Yeah.
61
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:02,356
-Not -- Not used
to sincere parenting.
62
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,444
Oh, God, I'm crying.
63
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:07,230
-And you must be --
-I am, and let me just say
64
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,537
you have excellent taste
in daughters.
65
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,582
-I'm sorry?
-Don't be.
66
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:15,282
So --
-There's my partner in crime.
67
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:18,676
Oh, thank you so much
for helping me plan this, Gurgs.
68
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,938
-Oh!
69
00:03:19,982 --> 00:03:22,506
That hug has some torque
behind it.
70
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:25,248
-I went to an authentic
New York shop in Times Square
71
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:28,033
and got you
all personalized key chains.
72
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:29,905
They had a "Gurgs."
73
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,820
But sorry, they didn't
have a "Neil."
74
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:34,301
So, I just got you
one that says "Guy."
75
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,261
-This says Olivia.
That's my name.
76
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,305
This is a gift.
77
00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:42,091
It's a gift for Olivia.
78
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:45,355
-And for you, my dear,
I brought you a potted plant
79
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:49,403
because the air-quality index
in Manhattan is just a skull.
80
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:52,014
-She doesn't trust a city
that never sleeps.
81
00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,582
-And why does it never sleep?
82
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,279
Drugs.
83
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:01,589
-Ah, and here's the famous
Dan Fielding.
84
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,678
-Well, hi.
Nice to finally meet you.
85
00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:06,071
-Gina.
-Ah, Gina.
86
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:07,421
You look familiar.
87
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,249
Have we ever --
-We've never met.
88
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,338
I've heard a lot
about you from Harry.
89
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:12,600
-Ah.
90
00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:15,472
-Um, I need to use
the ladies room.
91
00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,474
-Oh, down the hall
and to the left.
92
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,128
And I know you like to have
a good time,
93
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:21,348
but do not call any of the phone
numbers written in there.
94
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:22,784
-I'm headed that way.
95
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:25,613
May I show you?
-Oh, what a gentleman.
96
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:26,875
I love a bathroom escort.
97
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:28,093
-Oh, that's what
those numbers are!
98
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,313
Really, don't call them!
99
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:31,880
-Oh, you're from
Baton Rouge, huh?
100
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,143
I hear there's a lot of jazz
down there.
101
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:37,189
Listen up, Fielding.
We need to talk.
102
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,627
-Oh, my God.
That's who you are!
103
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,498
I thought I recognized you.
104
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,979
You married Harry?
-Zip it!
105
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,459
My daughter doesn't know
we know each other,
106
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,330
and I want to keep it that way.
107
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,505
-Wait, so she doesn't know how
you and Harry actually --
108
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,986
-Shh!
109
00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:53,467
I'm not getting into this
with you.
110
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,338
I just came here to check
on my daughter
111
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,514
and make sure
you keep your trap shut.
112
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,473
-Hey, listen, I know better
than to get mixed up
113
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:02,084
in whatever this is.
114
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:05,392
The only family drama
I care about is "Succession."
115
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:07,132
I'm rooting for the old man.
116
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:08,525
I want everybody else to die
117
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:12,181
and him just keep
getting richer and richer.
118
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:15,402
-So we have an understanding?
-Yes, I understand that
119
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:19,144
for some reason you want to keep
secrets from your daughter.
120
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,712
Which is none of my business.
121
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:25,325
-Now, are you going to show me
where the bathroom is or not?
122
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:26,543
-Follow me.
123
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:27,892
What the hell am I doing?
Go that way.
124
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,416
Go that way.
125
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,377
-I'm telling you.
126
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,292
There's something
going on between Dan and Gina.
127
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,512
I have a seventh sense
about these things.
128
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,730
-Isn't it a sixth sense?
129
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,819
-No, my sixth sense
is I see dead people,
130
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,212
like that boy.
131
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:44,735
-From the movie?
-No, the one next to you.
132
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:51,263
-There she is!
No, you can move.
133
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:52,743
It's a video.
-Oh, okay.
134
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,223
Well, welcome to Night Court.
135
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,225
-Never mind. I stopped it.
136
00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,576
-Must be nice having
your mom here.
137
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,012
-Oh, it's great.
138
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:03,406
But also it's very bad.
139
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,408
When she pops in like this,
it means she's worried.
140
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:08,585
I love my mom, but we are
very different people,
141
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:10,805
and she was always
against me taking this job.
142
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:13,895
With her, everything has to be
neat and tidy and perfect,
143
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,113
and this place is --
144
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,638
-Merry Blood Moon, everyone!
145
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,074
The bingo cards are here.
146
00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:22,904
-Like that.
147
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,472
-Well, actually,
for legal reasons, it's "binga."
148
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,778
"Blood Moon Bingo"
is a John Cusack Redbox movie.
149
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:31,565
-Ooh, right off the bat,
I got drunk Statue of Liberty.
150
00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:37,527
-Here you go, Blaine.
I know you're used to winning --
151
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:40,443
Oscar pools, trivia nights,
blood drives.
152
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:43,664
But that ends tonight
because I have been practicing.
153
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:45,796
-This is a game of chance.
How are you practicing?
154
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:50,105
-If you're asking that question,
I'm already in your head.
155
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:54,022
-Honey, remember to engage your
core when banging the gavel.
156
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,200
She hurt her elbow
playing softball.
157
00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,941
Now she has a corpse ligament.
158
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,509
-You don't really have
to worry, you know.
159
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,512
Corpse ligament or not,
she's very capable.
160
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,514
Is that why you're hiding things
from her?
161
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,472
You don't think
she can handle it?
162
00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:16,174
-Excuse me. I'm trying to talk
to my friend, this Beetlejuice.
163
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,656
-I call the court to order.
What's the next case?
164
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,485
-We have The People vs.
Marsha Roberts, Your Honor.
165
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,487
-The defendant was arrested
for barricading patrons
166
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:27,621
into a Home Depot and blasting
Jimmy Buffett's "Margaritaville"
167
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,840
through the PA system
for six hours.
168
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,843
-Your Honor, my client was
merely following instructions
169
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:36,194
personally given to her
by...Satan.
170
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,109
-When you say Satan,
you mean --
171
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:40,284
-The main one.
172
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,374
-Satan is my father.
173
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,552
-Isn't that wonderful?
174
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:49,686
Parent and child sharing
an open line of communication.
175
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,296
There are no secrets
in this family.
176
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:54,474
We should all be so lucky.
177
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,084
-Real quick.
178
00:07:56,127 --> 00:08:00,175
When Satan speaks to you, is it
in your head or from a dog?
179
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:03,004
-He speaks
through my air fryer.
180
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:06,660
-Possessed appliances --
I got it.
181
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,011
[ Gavel bangs ]
182
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,578
-Order!
183
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,362
As a judge who has everything
under control,
184
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,016
I find Ms. Roberts guilty
of false imprisonment
185
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,800
and call a recess.
186
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:20,543
-Oh, oh, are you calling recess
because a dog told you to?
187
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:22,763
-No!
188
00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:25,940
-Satan is a big fan
of your work.
189
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:28,290
-We go way back.
190
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:34,383
-Well, you all certainly
do interesting work around here.
191
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,864
-Tonight is a little crazier
than usual,
192
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:38,082
but I got it handled.
193
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,693
You'll see.
Things will settle down.
194
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,563
-Has anyone seen my gun?
195
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,698
-Don't worry.
He always finds it.
196
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:48,266
So, how did you meet Abby's dad?
197
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,660
-Oh, no one wants to hear
that boring story.
198
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:53,707
-Personally, I would just love
to hear what you've been
199
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,447
telling Abby all these years.
200
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,798
-It's a fairy tale.
201
00:08:57,841 --> 00:09:00,278
My dad was upstate
for the Mel Tormé concert
202
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:01,758
and decided to go
to the Harvest Festival.
203
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,761
He and my mom ended up
in the same Ferris-wheel cart,
204
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:07,242
and by the end of the ride,
they fell in love.
205
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,939
Later that night, he proposed,
saying,
206
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:11,638
"You're only one 'yes' away
from the rest of your life."
207
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,901
-Almost sounds too good
to be true.
208
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,555
-Well, that's exactly
how it happened.
209
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,819
And we had a wonderful life
210
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,777
until my daughter
decided the Big Apple
211
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,823
was more important
than her little mom.
212
00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:25,129
-Mom, I'm not going
over this again.
213
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:26,391
-I'm just saying.
214
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:29,264
I miss you.
Rand misses you.
215
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,875
All the people that love you
are upstate.
216
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:34,008
-You and your mom talk
about how you love each other?
217
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,401
It's not just a word that was
once written in a birthday card
218
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:37,838
you keep with you at all times?
219
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:42,320
Did someone hear a phone ring?
I got to take this.
220
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:43,974
-You just seem overwhelmed.
221
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:47,761
-You've only seen one case!
I'm doing good work here, Mom.
222
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:51,025
-Honey, I'm not trying to fight.
223
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,331
You know what?
It's getting late.
224
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,203
I should just head back
to the hotel.
225
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,508
-Oh, no, no, don't leave.
226
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:58,815
You should not leave.
You should stay.
227
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:02,558
You never know what
the Blood Moon might reveal.
228
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:06,475
-I figured it out, Timo.
229
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,346
Those two have history.
230
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:13,177
Classic PTSD --
Post Tremendous Sex Disorder.
231
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:14,614
Oh, don't look at me like that.
232
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:16,485
I was right about you and Carol.
233
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,142
-Quick question.
234
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:23,492
Would you be willing
to set yourself on fire?
235
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,017
Wait, are you stalking
Abby's mom on Facebook?
236
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,540
-No!
237
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:29,890
I'm just doing
some light research
238
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,632
so I can have a successful
conversation with her.
239
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,329
-Oh, Neil.
240
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:37,201
Being a person
might not be for you.
241
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:40,683
-Being great with moms
is my thing.
242
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,338
At sleepovers, I didn't care
who Jonah had a crush on.
243
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:44,948
I wanted to hang
with Mrs. Rayzok
244
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:48,473
and hear how Mr. Rayzok's
anger management was going.
245
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:50,040
[ Whispering ] Not well.
246
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,043
-If you want to get
the good dirt,
247
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:54,349
just use your clerk powers.
248
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:55,872
Access the state database.
249
00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:58,353
-I guess it couldn't hurt
to know some previous addresses.
250
00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,703
Wait.
This can't be right.
251
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,880
-Abby's mom was convicted
of running a gambling ring?
252
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:07,057
-Dan prosecuted her,
and the judge was Harry Stone.
253
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,712
[ Whispering ]
I bet that's Abby's dad!
254
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,849
-You're good.
255
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,548
All moms have secrets, right?
256
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,376
Mine was that
she never wanted me,
257
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,987
although I guess it wasn't
really much of a secret
258
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:28,209
because it's how she'd kick off
parent-teacher conferences.
259
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,125
We're not going to tell Abby
this, right?
260
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,604
-No, of course not.
261
00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:34,258
I know when to not
tell people things.
262
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:36,565
-I won't say anything, either.
263
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,700
Sorry, couldn't help
but overhear.
264
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,223
Wolf ears.
265
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:50,753
-Oops, you spilled.
266
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,625
You seem to be
in a spilling mood tonight.
267
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,977
-I needed that to take a pill.
268
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,457
-I thought you weren't
going to get involved.
269
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:00,807
-I had to say something.
270
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,765
Abby
deserves to know the truth.
271
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:06,029
Oh, and what was that story
you told,
272
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,858
two adult strangers
taking a Ferris wheel together?
273
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:11,078
Ooh-ooh, made you sound
like a couple of creeps.
274
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,080
-Creeps?!
275
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:15,952
I stole that from the back
of a Danielle Steel novel.
276
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,519
-I think you're
underestimating your daughter.
277
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,956
She is stronger than you think.
278
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,218
-So am I.
279
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:22,785
-You!
280
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,922
-Everything alright?
281
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,185
Seem a little nervous
around Gina.
282
00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:32,621
-I don't get nervous.
283
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:33,970
Besides, I hardly know
the woman.
284
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,450
-Oh, stop.
285
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:39,019
I know all about you two
and your secret past,
286
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,499
and unlike the drug-sniffing dog
downstairs,
287
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,849
you can't get anything past me.
288
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:46,026
-I don't have anything to hide.
289
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,028
If it was up to me,
Abby would know all of it,
290
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:50,465
but her mother is against it
for some reason.
291
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,380
-Oh, well, I think
I know the reason.
292
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:54,077
Abby don't want to know that
about her mama.
293
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:55,862
You should keep it to yourself.
-You know something?
294
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,820
I wouldn't be in this position
if Harry and Gina
295
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,561
had just told her the truth
to begin with.
296
00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:02,303
-Her dad knew?
-Well, of course.
297
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,044
He was there the whole time.
298
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,786
You know, it was just a regular
Tuesday night for us.
299
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,484
-Ugh!
Y'all are gross.
300
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,668
-Hey, Earth angel.
301
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:22,497
Where's the sock hop?
302
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,673
-I've been approaching this
all wrong.
303
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:27,632
Gina is a criminal.
She's probably into bad boys.
304
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:28,895
So, I'm being bad.
305
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:32,855
-Should I just sit
where I was before?
306
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,684
-I wouldn't know.
Rules aren't my thing.
307
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:42,169
Next up, The People vs.
Todd and Missy McMurray.
308
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,345
-The McMurrays are charged
with disturbing the peace
309
00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:45,999
outside a bodega
on St. Marks Place.
310
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,436
-Your Honor, my clients
were just involved
311
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,090
in a lovers' squabble,
nothing serious.
312
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:53,441
Some words were exchanged.
Some produce was thrown.
313
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:56,096
-Nothing serious?
It was attempted murder.
314
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,098
She threw garlic at me.
315
00:13:58,141 --> 00:14:00,665
-And it's attempted murder
because?
316
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,537
-They're vampires.
317
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,627
-Vampire drama.
318
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,108
One square away from winning the
money to pay for my dad's Lasik.
319
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,719
-Does everyone around here
320
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,939
have an amazing relationship
with their parents?
321
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:16,029
-Your Honor, she started this.
322
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:17,421
-Because I had the nerve
to ask you
323
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:18,945
where you were the other night?
324
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,121
-I was looking for a virgin
to surprise you
325
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:22,905
for our anniversary.
326
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:25,038
You think I wanted to go
to a Barenaked Ladies
327
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,083
reunion concert?
328
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,607
-You never tell me anything,
329
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,566
like when I have food
in my fangs.
330
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:34,264
I can't look in a mirror, Todd!
331
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,440
[ Both hissing ]
332
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:40,705
-Bunch of weirdos around here.
333
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,490
-I'm going to be honest.
334
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,275
I don't care about garlic
or virgins.
335
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,408
But I am very excited to hear
that the Barenaked Ladies
336
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,540
are back together.
337
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,107
At the end of the day,
338
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:54,632
you two found someone
who accepts you for who you are.
339
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:57,113
That's special
and worth fighting for.
340
00:14:57,157 --> 00:15:00,203
And since this is your first
offense, the state is willing
341
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:04,120
to drop the charges if you agree
to couples counseling.
342
00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:08,429
Before you say no, remember,
you're only one "yes" away
343
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,083
from the rest of your life.
344
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,958
-I do still love you.
-I love you, too.
345
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:21,833
-Honey, that was beautiful.
346
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:24,184
It was like watching
your dad up there.
347
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:28,405
-I mean, you never actually
saw him as a judge.
348
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,016
-About that.
349
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,759
-Binga!
Criminal hugs judge!
350
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,197
Criminal hugs judge!
351
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,025
I win! I win!
352
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,984
-Criminal?
353
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,334
-Hey, not me.
Didn't say a word, nope.
354
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,075
-Don't look at me.
355
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:48,469
I just thought she had the best
sex of her life with Dan.
356
00:15:50,165 --> 00:15:51,515
-Why would you think that?
357
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:52,995
I made it perfectly clear
358
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,693
I was just trying to
get her in handcuffs.
359
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:58,131
Oh!
Yeah, now I hear it.
360
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:01,438
-Mom, how could you --
Mom?
361
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:02,918
-Alright.
362
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,964
Now that that's out in the open,
Neil,
363
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,661
what the hell are you wearing?
364
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,755
♪♪
365
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:19,891
-Gina Brown operated an illegal
high-stakes poker game
366
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,981
in Hell's Kitchen
for over a year.
367
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,070
Who is this person?
368
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,376
My mom doesn't even watch
the Super Bowl.
369
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,249
We're Puppy Bowl people.
370
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:32,730
Is this why no one ran
against her for PTA president?
371
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:36,299
Or why she knew
so many people on "Dateline"?
372
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:39,520
-Feels like questions
you should ask your mother.
373
00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,697
-Why, so she can just lie
to me more?
374
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,177
-You know, I'm not going
to pretend to understand
375
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,309
why your parents
kept this from you.
376
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:49,878
But, then again, there's a lot
about Harry I didn't understand,
377
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:53,795
like he would keep rabbits
up his sleeve for hours
378
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:56,450
just in case
there was a chance of magic.
379
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:00,889
You give every defendant
who comes in here
380
00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:05,633
a chance to tell their sad,
desperate side of the story.
381
00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,896
Don't you think your mother
deserves the same?
382
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:10,811
I mean, do whatever you want.
383
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,902
I am not going to get involved.
384
00:17:13,944 --> 00:17:15,121
-I wouldn't even know
where to find her.
385
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:17,036
-I told her to wait
in the courtroom.
386
00:17:18,906 --> 00:17:21,214
Not involved, starting now.
387
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:27,089
-Honey, can I explain?
388
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,134
-First.
389
00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:32,138
Do you swear to tell the truth,
390
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,140
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth?
391
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:36,098
-I do, Your Honor.
392
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:43,279
-Gina Stone for the defense.
You may proceed.
393
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:44,933
-Okay, first,
394
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:47,849
I just want to say
your father wanted you to know.
395
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:50,417
But he respected
that it was my story to tell.
396
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:53,463
-Right.
So, tell it.
397
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,945
-It started with a little
poker game at the Jiffy Lube
398
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,512
where my boyfriend worked.
399
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:04,344
We were riding high on cash
and exhaust fumes.
400
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:09,610
But things got out of control,
and I ended up here.
401
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:13,831
Your dad could've
thrown the book at me.
402
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:20,969
But he saw me the way
I wanted to see myself.
403
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,277
-He had a habit of doing that.
404
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,194
-After I served my time, I --
I reached out.
405
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:31,327
Turns out I was on his mind,
too.
406
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:36,202
He wasn't sure about the whole
judge-dating-the-ex-con thing.
407
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:39,335
But I said,
408
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,817
"You're only one 'yes' away
from the rest of your life."
409
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,645
-That was you?
410
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:48,170
-We wanted a fresh start,
411
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,912
so we got married
and moved upstate.
412
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,219
-So, no Ferris wheel?
-Mnh-mnh.
413
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:54,959
-Because I bought you,
like, a thousand Ferris-wheel
414
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,222
Christmas ornaments.
415
00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,877
-Sorry, I should've told you.
416
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:02,010
But I was ashamed.
417
00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:04,839
-I know what that's like.
418
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,449
When I was struggling,
419
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,364
I did things that I wouldn't
want to tell my kids about.
420
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:10,366
When I have kids --
I don't have any secret kids.
421
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:13,195
But if I did, this would be
the time to tell you.
422
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:16,155
No, I thought I was the only
screw-up in the family.
423
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,331
It's nice to know
that my perfect mom
424
00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,680
is as messed up as I am.
425
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:22,030
-Oh!
I'm a huge mess.
426
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,338
There is one other thing.
427
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:26,861
[ Sighs ]
428
00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:29,951
Abby isn't short for Abigail.
429
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:32,258
Your real name
is Abracadabra Stone.
430
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:36,958
I'm sorry.
That one's on your father.
431
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,047
-You know what?
432
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,267
I think I've always felt
like an Abracadabra.
433
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,920
Order in the court!
434
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,271
Judge Abracadabra Stone
presiding.
435
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:46,794
I love it.
436
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,232
-Hey!
437
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:56,107
Well, looks like
it all worked out.
438
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:59,937
You guys made up, and nobody's
mad at me for exposing
439
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:03,158
for a decades-long family secret
for my own profit.
440
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:09,251
-So, um, what you got there?
Couple hundred bucks?
441
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,731
-Uh...
442
00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:12,907
-How would you like
to double that?
443
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,130
-See, this is why
I don't come down here.
444
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:23,134
-Sorry you didn't transform.
445
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,353
Until tonight,
I didn't even know
446
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:27,095
there was a glass ceiling
in the wolf world.
447
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:29,228
But I was rooting
for you to break it.
448
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,317
-Thanks for seeing me, Gurgs.
449
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,232
I'll do my best not
to eat you tonight.
450
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,280
-What's the matter, Neil?
451
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:41,762
Did you hit the jukebox,
and it didn't come on?
452
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:44,591
-I blew it with Gina.
453
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:46,201
My streak is over.
454
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,942
-Well, why you care
so much about Gina?
455
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:49,596
[ Gasps ]
You got a crush on Gina!
456
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:50,858
-What? No.
457
00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:52,599
-[ Gasps ]
You got a crush on me!
458
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:53,991
-If I had a crush on you,
459
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:55,515
I'd be trying
to impress yourmom.
460
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:56,516
[ Both gasp ]
461
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,126
-You got a crush on Abby!
462
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,303
-Oh, no.
463
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,783
I do.
464
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:05,438
-You are so screwed.
465
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:08,397
But that means my seventh sense
was right.
466
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,312
There was a love connection
in the courtroom.
467
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,401
-Gurgs, you cannot tell her.
468
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,316
-Well, I can keep a secret,
but I can't speak for Pam.
469
00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:19,843
[ Pam howls ]
470
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:21,976
Oh, you're good.
She got her own stuff going on.
33445
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.