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- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:03,525 --> 00:00:06,049
Dan, come on over. The water's fine.
3
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,269
I have the same water as you,
and you know it's not fine.
4
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:10,010
Alright, well, you're missing out,
5
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:12,142
'cause we're having
a pretty good time over here.
6
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- Ah!
- What? What is it?
7
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:18,192
It's nothing, your odor... Your Honor.
8
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:20,890
Hypothetically, if you had a co-worker
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00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:23,414
who smelled like soggy cardboard
in the back of a taxi,
10
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:26,548
would you want me to tell you
that that's you?
11
00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:28,898
I'm having some issues
with my apartment.
12
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:31,248
It's above a German beer hall,
so no matter what I do,
13
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,381
I smell like a combination
of sauerkraut, mustard,
14
00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:36,036
and soccer fan B.O.
15
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:38,908
Yeah, it's not my dream
apartment, but it's New York.
16
00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:40,562
Nobody spends time inside anyway.
17
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,042
And it will be even less
18
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,131
when my fiancé, Rand, visits
this weekend.
19
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:47,699
He wants to go see
the ladies of "The View."
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Not the show. He knows where they live
21
00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:51,964
for some reason.
22
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:54,576
So, it's totally fine. It's fine.
23
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It's not fine for people
who are close to you
24
00:00:56,839 --> 00:01:00,321
and still have a nose.
25
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You need a new apartment.
You know, and you happen to be
26
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:05,152
in the building with the info to get it.
27
00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:08,938
What you do is that you find
whoever has this place wired,
28
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and you're set.
29
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Claire, looking good.
30
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,249
Donnie, I loved your one-man show.
31
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Timo! How's your mama's psoriasis?
32
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Well, tell her to keep her head
up and her scalp moisturized.
33
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,128
I see where this is going.
34
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,782
Fine, I'll help you.
35
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[♪]
36
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[♪]
37
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:47,281
So, Gurgs,
38
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,978
how's your life going?
39
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,979
Great as always. I got a
quesadilla maker.
40
00:01:51,023 --> 00:01:52,329
With a little bit of cheese,
41
00:01:52,372 --> 00:01:54,157
I can turn anything into a quesadilla.
42
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,811
This folder? Quesadilla.
43
00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:58,988
This shirt? Quesadilla. [LAUGHS]
44
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I heard you might, uh,
know certain things,
45
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:05,473
like places where people, um, dwell.
46
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:08,170
What the judge is trying to ask
is can you help her find
47
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,042
a new apartment
that doesn't make her smell
48
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:13,350
like the inside
of a men's-only omelet cafe?
49
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,178
Thank you, Dan.
50
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,833
I'd just love to have something
to show Rand this weekend.
51
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,313
We've been doing
the long-distance thing,
52
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,879
but we make it fun.
53
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,707
There's a nice little diner
halfway between us
54
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:26,494
that specializes in something
called Oneonta Clam Chowder,
55
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,148
which is gray.
56
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,064
Well, I'm glad you came to me for help.
57
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,849
I'm a great amateur Realtor.
58
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,720
I found my friend Cheryl
an amazing storefront
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00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,505
where she sells garbage cams.
60
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:38,723
- Cans.
- Cams.
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00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:39,985
Cans.
62
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:42,074
- Cans.
- Cams.
63
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,466
Okay, I think we got it.
64
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,555
And finding you a place
will be super easy.
65
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,863
I mean, who wouldn't want
a judge owing them a favor?
66
00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:50,039
Uh, I'd rather my position
not be a part of it.
67
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,301
I became a judge because I want
68
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:52,781
to help people, not for the perks.
69
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:55,000
Okay, so you got a moral code.
70
00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:57,567
That's gonna make this harder.
71
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,135
But I got this.
72
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,529
Would you be okay
if people watched you sleep
73
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,922
as part of an art experiment?
74
00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:06,447
[♪]
75
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,884
Abby will find a place, and
she'll look back on this fondly,
76
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,451
because having a bad apartment
in New York
77
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,322
is a rite of passage,
like telling your friend
78
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,542
you loved his play.
79
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,500
I lived under a cannery once.
80
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:20,374
- Did you know fish scream?
- Aah!
81
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,941
That's male salmon.
82
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,987
I think I left something
in the cafeteria.
83
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,598
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. It was my charger
84
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:30,384
for my, uh, bippity-bip, ring-ring.
85
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:33,082
Whoa. Wait. What's happening?
86
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:35,606
- Oh. Is that her?
- Is what? Is that who?
87
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,869
- I've never met anyone. Let's go.
- No, wait, just...
88
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:39,915
I never thought I'd say this
to anybody in this building,
89
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,091
but, Neil, please, tell me more.
90
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:44,006
A few years ago, Olivia was up for a job
91
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:45,312
at one of those big law firms
92
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:47,183
that represents all the terrible people.
93
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:51,055
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
94
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,754
So, she bombs the interview,
95
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:55,103
chases that woman down, corners her...
96
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,498
No, I nailed the interview,
97
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,022
and then after, in the lobby,
98
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:01,763
I bumped into one
of the partners, Lesley,
99
00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:03,112
and I got a little flustered
100
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,157
trying to engage in polite conversation,
101
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,551
you know, like,
"How do you take your pudding?"
102
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,641
[LAUGHS] Dear God.
103
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:13,296
And... And... And then
I accidentally crammed myself
104
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,950
into the same section
of the revolving door
105
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,082
that she was in, and it got stuck.
106
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,563
For six hours, and she talked
about pudding the whole time.
107
00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:22,392
[SIGHS] That is a career ruiner,
108
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:25,395
but on the bright side,
you have made me very happy.
109
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:27,005
Can we stop talking about this now?
110
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:28,355
'Cause I hate this story.
111
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:32,794
Oh, y'all talking about
door pudding? [LAUGHING]
112
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,578
I love that story.
113
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:38,974
What is she even doing here?
114
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,498
I... I thought I would never have
to see that woman again.
115
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,587
It looks like she has a case
here tomorrow night.
116
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:46,982
What? I'm gonna be in court
tomorrow night.
117
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,897
That means I'm gonna
have to look at her.
118
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,725
And she's gonna be able to look at me.
119
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:54,859
Well, that's how being in the
same room with a person works.
120
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,386
Y'all gonna come in here
and do your job or what?
121
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,826
The State is charging Mr. Simms
with assault.
122
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,349
He had an altercation with his landlord,
123
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,047
who evicted him
after his ninth noise complaint.
124
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,962
But, Your Honor, you got to understand,
125
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,530
I'm just trying to write
that one perfect song.
126
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,271
Let's not.
127
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,843
Assault? Your Honor, this was
a simple misunderstanding.
128
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:24,411
My client accidentally
pushed his landlord
129
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:27,457
as he was being evicted
from his home of 12 years.
130
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:29,503
[CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY]
131
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,289
Bailiff, do you need a moment?
132
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,073
I'm fine, Your Honor.
133
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:38,294
Eviction, huh? That's interesting.
134
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,034
An empty apartment.
135
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:42,385
Empty like crazy.
136
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:43,821
Bailiff, approach the bench.
137
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,649
Oh. I never get to do this.
138
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,175
Did you move an eviction case
to the top of the pile?
139
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,917
No, Your Honor.
140
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:55,137
I infiltrated the entire pile.
141
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:56,704
The day clerk owed me a favor,
142
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:59,054
so I got him to kick us
all his eviction cases.
143
00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,404
I don't think I love
this version of house hunting.
144
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,275
Why? You're not doing anything
wrong. You're just sitting here,
145
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:06,714
listening to details. Enjoy.
146
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:09,543
Your Honor, Mr. Simms has lived
in his Gramercy Park apartment
147
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:10,935
- since...
- Hmm.
148
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,722
... 2010.
149
00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:16,506
He was distraught.
He was being thrown out
150
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,682
of a home that he had
spent years renovating.
151
00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:21,816
Mm.
152
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,035
Your Honor, none of this
excuses the injuries
153
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,907
that my client and his...
154
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:28,518
Injuries that, uh...
155
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:32,000
Sorry. What I was trying to say was...
156
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:35,438
he go jail now.
157
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,614
Okay, the people have failed to prove
158
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:38,789
that this was not an accident.
159
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,965
Mr. Simms, you're free to go.
160
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:43,751
And for the record,
there already is a perfect song.
161
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,275
It's called "You Oughta Know,"
and it's by Alanis Morissette.
162
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:52,412
Counselors, approach.
163
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,457
- What am I missing here?
- Uh, sorry.
164
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:57,460
It's just, there's a woman here
who, um, rejected me for a job.
165
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,811
So, I... I just need a second
to get it together.
166
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,510
I don't know about that. I think
you had the "So, um,
167
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:07,383
he go jail now"
prosecution down perfect.
168
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,517
Mr. Fielding, it's not polite
to razz the prosecution.
169
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,953
That wasn't razzing.
170
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,477
That was mocking.
171
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,913
Okay, let's take five.
172
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,962
Oh, that's how I know you.
173
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:25,140
- You're door pudding.
- Yes.
174
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,490
Welcome.
175
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:30,537
I'm just here scoping out this
place before my trial tomorrow.
176
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,582
You know, I'm surprised
someone with your potential
177
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,454
would end up here.
178
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:37,848
You do an amazing impression
of my mother.
179
00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:40,982
Unless it's actually
a pretty smart play.
180
00:07:41,025 --> 00:07:44,332
Build up trial experience,
get some wins.
181
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,509
I'll be interested
to see what you do tomorrow.
182
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,990
Oh. Right. Tomorrow.
183
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:53,037
That's two days after yesterday.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
184
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,997
And the day that
I'll be calling in sick.
185
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,565
I'll just say that I ate
whatever Abby smells like.
186
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:02,656
Hey, it's whatever "Her Honor"
smells like to you.
187
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:08,139
- Ugh, it's on the gavel now.
- Call in sick?
188
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:09,663
What are you talking about?
189
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:10,968
She was courting you.
190
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:12,666
- She was?
- Yes, yes.
191
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,668
She was hinting that you still
got a shot at this job.
192
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,844
I mean, it was so obvious,
even Neil could pick up on it.
193
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:19,368
- What did I pick up on?
- Oh. No, he didn't.
194
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:23,198
But all you have to do is show
her what you've got tomorrow.
195
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,200
I can't go up against her
in a conversation.
196
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:28,029
What are the odds
I'm gonna beat her in a trial?
197
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:32,860
Alright, look, if you're that
nervous, I can help you prepare.
198
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,384
Why would you do that?
199
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,255
You want something from me.
200
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,126
All I want is the fulfillment I get
201
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:41,520
from passing along
my guidance and wisdom
202
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,697
- to the next generation.
- Uh-huh.
203
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,177
And a bagel and lox from Zabar's
204
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:48,136
every Saturday morning
for the next four months.
205
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:52,836
[SCOFFING] Yeah. Okay.
206
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,272
I'll take the help.
207
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,926
- Uh, Olivia?
- Uh-huh.
208
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:59,539
You forget the capers, I'll ruin you.
209
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,758
[♪]
210
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,021
I really appreciate everything
you've been doing, Gurgs,
211
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,849
but I just can't take the apartment
212
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,243
of someone who's just been evicted.
213
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,462
Loud and clear. You don't feel good
214
00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,682
about using the court to get you stuff.
215
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:16,338
But you do like finding the good
in a bad situation.
216
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,774
That gave me the inspiration
217
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:21,735
for the death certificate office.
218
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:24,738
These people don't need
in-unit washer/dryers.
219
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:27,828
They're in God's hamper now.
220
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,569
Still, it's a little creepy, right?
221
00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,135
Everybody thinks that,
222
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,834
but there's actually
nothing creepy about this place.
223
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,491
Hey, Sandy.
224
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:45,454
You been working out?
225
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:53,636
There are some nice zip codes here.
226
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,377
But still, it's just not ideal
227
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,031
that my first apartment with Rand
228
00:09:57,074 --> 00:10:00,861
is somewhere where "two people
exploded each other."
229
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,908
Aww, hope it was for love.
230
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:07,302
No, keep reading. It says it wasn't.
231
00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:08,999
Okay, you know what?
232
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:11,959
I actually think that my current
apartment isn't so bad.
233
00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:14,788
Smelling like sausages
does have its upside.
234
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:18,618
Who doesn't love a bunch of dogs
following them around?
235
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,707
Well, I'm sorry I couldn't help,
236
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:24,711
but why don't you come over
to my place tomorrow morning
237
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:27,844
before Rand gets here,
have some brunch quesadillas,
238
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,846
and take a shower
where you won't come out
239
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,500
smelling worse than when you started?
240
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,806
I... I don't think I should.
241
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,025
We should really keep this professional.
242
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:36,505
Actually, please let me.
243
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,159
I've snuck into the Equinox
so many times,
244
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,944
they're now keeping guards
outside the showers.
245
00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,779
- Come on in.
- I brought my own towel.
246
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,999
Ah, but now I'm feeling weird
about drying my body
247
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:53,391
with something I carried on the subway,
248
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:57,004
so I still need to borrow a towel.
249
00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:58,570
Why is there no furniture?
250
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:02,400
I am embracing minimalism.
251
00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:04,141
I had to get you to see this place.
252
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:07,710
It's perfect, and you can barely
sense that someone died here
253
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,931
of auto-erotic, uh...
254
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,150
natural causes.
255
00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:16,110
[♪]
256
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:19,026
Alright. So, first, we got to
get you in the right headspace.
257
00:11:19,069 --> 00:11:22,682
Visualize yourself
in the courtroom, in control.
258
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:26,163
You are powerful, tall, masculine.
259
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:27,817
You're me.
260
00:11:27,861 --> 00:11:29,906
I don't think this is helping.
261
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:32,039
- Do I have to stay for this?
- Yes.
262
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,563
You are an integral part of the process.
263
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:36,652
Our remote control.
264
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:40,264
Now, play the tape
of Lesley in day court.
265
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:41,657
Now, watch the way she moves.
266
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,703
There's... There's a cocky strut there.
267
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,574
Yeah, and look at that day clerk, Clint,
268
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:48,403
peacocking around in his bolo tie.
269
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:49,752
Now, if you mimic her movements,
270
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,928
you will confuse and frighten her.
271
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,930
Now, watch the way she walks
there. You see that?
272
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:57,455
There's a bit of a... a
lean to it there. Right?
273
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,848
Uh-huh. Yeah, like that, like that.
274
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:01,546
Now, remember, this is your home court.
275
00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,027
You're in control.
You know, take up space.
276
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,769
Don't give her any space.
277
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,684
More... Well, maybe not that much space.
278
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,947
Okay, I can't do this! I can't do it!
279
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,080
I... I can't walk like her.
I can't talk like her.
280
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:14,516
I am never gonna beat her.
281
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,866
- I just... I give up.
- You can't give up.
282
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,650
You've got to make up
for the oyster thing.
283
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:22,263
I... I mean for the door thing.
284
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,656
Oh, that'swhat this is about.
285
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,093
Some oyster thing.
286
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,617
This isn't about me. This is about you.
287
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,227
Yes, of course it's about me.
288
00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:33,361
Everything's about me.
289
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,363
I was up for a job at an ampersand firm,
290
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,147
and I was so close to getting it
291
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:41,108
that the partners even took me
out for a celebratory lunch.
292
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,500
I decided I would impress them
293
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:45,460
with my expert oyster-shucking skills.
294
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,592
Unfortunately, earlier,
I had already impressed them
295
00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:50,204
with my whiskey drinking skills.
296
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,249
And the oyster knife slipped,
297
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:55,122
and I stabbed the oldest partner.
298
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:58,821
Small tip... don't pull
the knife back out.
299
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,998
Also, don't put it back in.
300
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:06,698
Even when everybody's screaming,
"Why did you pull it out?!"
301
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:09,571
That one little mistake cost me
a job and my future career,
302
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:14,054
but you, you have a chance
to rewrite your origin story.
303
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,491
You show Lesley up,
and it'll be a win for you,
304
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:18,362
but more importantly, it would be a win
305
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,277
for night court lawyers everywhere.
306
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:24,107
Even more importantly than that,
it'll be a win for me.
307
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,717
[♪]
308
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,371
Gurgs, we talked about this.
309
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:30,200
I'm sorry I tricked you,
but this place is such a find.
310
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:33,421
2 bed, 1-1/2 bath, fireplace.
311
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:35,249
Smell that. [SNIFFING]
312
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:36,816
That's nothing.
Your apartment don't have to
313
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:39,383
smell like anything.
314
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,950
I wish that was true. I just...
315
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,734
I don't want to use
the fact that I'm a judge
316
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,475
- to help me get into a...
- No.
317
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,695
You are always trying to find
the bright side of things.
318
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,479
Can't you find the bright side
319
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,960
of getting first dibs
on a place like this?
320
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,615
It is nice. I guess
I could just look around.
321
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:54,921
Yeah, you could.
322
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,226
I mean, that wouldn't be unethical.
323
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,185
It would be ethical as hell.
324
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,930
Just one caveat,
barely worth mentioning.
325
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:06,019
New York City landlords
don't like renting
326
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:09,892
to judges or lawyers,
so if he asks, you make teeth.
327
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,807
Arnold!
328
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,636
This is my friend Abby
I was telling you about.
329
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,333
I... I make teeth.
330
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:18,814
- Is that interesting work, or...
- Oh, is it ever. Yeah.
331
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,904
I... I love looking in people's mouths.
332
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:25,560
It's... It's like a hot,
weird cave in there.
333
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:27,910
Well, actually, I was wondering,
334
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:31,218
my son, he just grew in an extra tooth.
335
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,524
- Is that normal?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. So normal.
336
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,831
The, um... The average human...
[STAMMERS]
337
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,574
... has anywhere between
19 and 50 teeth.
338
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,228
Well, I'll... I'll just, uh...
I'll follow up
339
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:43,099
on your references,
and I'll be in touch.
340
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,405
Fingers crossed.
341
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:47,799
Or, as we say in the tooth business...
342
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:49,801
It's in the tooth fairy's hands now.
343
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,369
May that wily bitch bless us this day.
344
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,896
[♪]
345
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,072
- Rewrite my story.
- Rewrite your story.
346
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,769
Rewrite it, girl.
347
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:03,946
Notice anything different
348
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,079
"bolo" my neck? [BELOW]
349
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,734
Wait, where's Lesley?
350
00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:12,172
She had to go handle
a higher profile case.
351
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:16,567
- Bludgeoning.
- So you guys get the Devinator.
352
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:21,181
Sorry, I should have
started with, "I'm Devin."
353
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,620
Of course I'm not going to get
to go up against Lesley,
354
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,492
because my life has been cursed
since the day I met her.
355
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,146
And much like that revolving door,
356
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:34,977
I am now stuck in a sweaty
chamber of my own failure.
357
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,938
You know, I said
this is about me, but it isn't.
358
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,809
It's about you.
359
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:43,681
Alright, look, this type
of disappointment
360
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:44,987
is still fresh to you.
361
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,120
After I shucked my way out of that job,
362
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,730
I beat myself up for years,
363
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,427
but that doesn't have to happen to you,
364
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:52,342
because you have two things
that I didn't...
365
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:55,084
a chance to go and kick Devin's ass,
366
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:58,696
and more importantly, you have me
367
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:02,091
to give you speeches like this.
368
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:05,138
You know what? This isabout me.
369
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,444
I'm the hero. Yes, of course.
It, uh, makes sense.
370
00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:10,708
Alright, now go in there
and destroy this schmuck
371
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:15,583
who took your dream job
and is living your dream life.
372
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,019
You think he has a vintage Ralph Lauren
373
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,063
mahogany sleigh bed?
374
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:22,894
- Oh, I do, I really do.
- Let's do this.
375
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,507
It's a pull.
376
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:31,512
Doors. Not her thing.
377
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:37,692
And so, in conclusion,
378
00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:39,346
I humbly ask this court
379
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:42,044
to stand up for truth and justice,
380
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,872
so that our children
may grow up in a world
381
00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:45,830
where no man can steal an ambulance,
382
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:48,877
even if it isa triple dare.
383
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:54,013
The prosecution rests.
384
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,797
Thank you, counselor.
385
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,190
In the future, I only ask
386
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,671
that you keep your arguments
under two hours.
387
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:04,284
Guilty. That's a recess, people.
388
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,936
Good work, counselor.
389
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:09,550
Oh, and just know that Zabar's
gets really crowded
390
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:12,857
on Saturday morning, so get there early.
391
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,685
Oh, Judge, you got the place!
392
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,470
Oh, gosh, I got it?
393
00:17:16,512 --> 00:17:18,037
Oh, I cannot wait to tell Rand
394
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,560
I have a place to show him this weekend.
395
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:34,618
[♪]
396
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,187
He's not coming down, is he?
397
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:41,190
Something came up at work,
so he had to cancel.
398
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:43,888
You know, it's actually better,
because I am gonna start
399
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,760
planning how to decorate the apartment.
400
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,544
I'm gonna get the floor plans,
401
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,068
and I'm gonna start measuring, so...
402
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,418
You don't have to do that.
403
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:54,116
You don't have to always try
and find the positive spin.
404
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,988
You're allowed to be mad.
405
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:59,252
I think it's better to put
positive energy out there.
406
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,818
To each his own.
407
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:03,256
I always try to put
medium energy out there.
408
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:07,434
Of course, no energy is the dream.
409
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:10,741
Yes, it is hard to be positive
all the time.
410
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,395
Especially lately.
411
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:15,137
This transition has been
a little harder than I thought.
412
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:17,270
Mm. You know what?
413
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:18,923
Let's try something
for the next few minutes.
414
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:21,970
Just allow yourself to be angry.
415
00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:23,841
- No, I don't think...
- No, just try it.
416
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,191
- No, it's just not how I...
- Just try it.
417
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:26,583
Would you stop interrupting me?!
418
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,019
I have enough going on already!
419
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,673
Nothing is going how I planned!
420
00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:32,067
My apartment makes me smell disgusting!
421
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,114
I have to eat chicken breakfast
at 4:00 in the afternoon!
422
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:37,464
I can't unsubscribe
from any e-mail list,
423
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:40,945
which has nothing to do with the
move, but it's very frustrating!
424
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:46,168
- Anything else?
- And Rand isn't here!
425
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,475
I want him to be here
to help me with this stuff!
426
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:51,173
And, no, I know it's not totally
fair to make him uproot his life
427
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:55,786
just for me to pursue a dream,
but, ugh, I want it anyway!
428
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:57,919
Want to keep going? You got at
least another 30 seconds left,
429
00:18:57,962 --> 00:19:01,140
and you haven't even
mentioned gray chowder.
430
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,794
He's coming. The landlord.
Remember, you make teeth.
431
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,405
- What?
- He came to get a copy
432
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,146
of his tenant's death certificate,
433
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:10,018
and now he's almost here.
434
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:13,108
Arnold! You old so-and-so.
435
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,502
Hey, how is your son's weird mouth?
436
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:18,679
I was just in the building
when I ran into your friend,
437
00:19:18,722 --> 00:19:23,771
but she screamed,
"I'm not here" and ran.
438
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,294
So, you're a judge?
439
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:29,690
Just got a new job. Big step up.
440
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,866
Yes, I... I am a judge.
441
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:35,304
Uh, but I love that apartment,
442
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:37,959
and I've had a really bad day.
443
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:40,179
Any chance you can give a gal a break?
444
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,571
I could still make you a tooth.
445
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,356
How hard could it be?
446
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:46,663
Actually, I just learned the
apartment's no longer available.
447
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:47,925
You just learned that?
448
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,580
Yeah. Just now.
449
00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:52,191
I'm gonna go.
450
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,500
I'd like the room, please.
451
00:19:57,544 --> 00:20:00,503
Oh. [MURMURS]
452
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:01,939
Just...
453
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,812
[ABBY SCREAMS, OBJECTS CRASHING
AND SHATTERING]
454
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,253
See you tomorrow.
455
00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:21,698
I believe we unleashed something.
456
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,439
What you mean, "we"?
457
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:26,094
[♪]
458
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:27,487
Sorry about the apartment, Judge.
459
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:30,359
Mm. Me, too, but it's totally fine.
460
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,492
Don't do it.
461
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:35,277
Okay, it's not totally fine. It's bad.
462
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,236
- See? I'm getting better.
- And you're gonna tell Rand
463
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,586
you want him to move down here now?
464
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,196
Not quite ready for that yet,
465
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,590
but I am feeling good
about finding a new place,
466
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:46,636
and I may be willing
to play the game a little bit.
467
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,857
Perfect, because Sandy just
got a big batch of leads in.
468
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,641
Now, I don't want to think
that he's responsible
469
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,948
for these deaths,
but I honestly don't know.
470
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:56,255
He's an interesting guy.
471
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,169
I think I'm gonna try it my way.
472
00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:01,216
I'm gonna bring muffins
to the marriage license office.
473
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,305
Like with me and Rand,
marriages often mean
474
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:05,438
one person giving up
their old apartment,
475
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:07,657
and I'd rather capitalize
on people's happiness
476
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,919
than their misfortune.
477
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:10,443
Leave it to you to take all the fun
478
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:14,055
out of bending a corrupt system
to your will.
479
00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:16,318
Alright, but you gonna have to
break the news to Sandy.
480
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:26,947
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
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36646
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