Original subtitles

What's the matter? Six months ago, a woman named Adelaide Pentel disappeared.

We found her two weeks later, but murdered and raped...

The other theory is,

husbands have been known sometimes to kill their wives for money?

Just covering the bases, sir.

What have you done with her?

What do you mean? I'm as worried about her as you are.

So we got us a psychopathic sexocologist, huh?

I'm thinking that may have been what happened to Mary Parsons.

You sure the reason we're going in there is because you forgot your money?

As a matter of fact, darling, it's my birthday...

Now, hold it. Wait a minute.

No, see, I got the hot water on for the chili dogs

and seeing as how I've been so terrific to you all year long,

we might start the evening by you giving me a little birthday present.

Now, you know a little birthday present

is going to take until 4:00 in the morning

and I want to see that movie.

Now, why would you want to watch Burt Reynolds

when you can spend the evening

dancing in the dark with Prince Valentino?

Mmm. Come on.

Let the good times roll!

Mimi, darling, you got a heart of gold.

All: Surprise!

Baretta: Happy birthday!

I got horse for you in the fifth race tomorrow.

Beautiful!

Happy birthday, sugar!

Hey, Foley! Are you gonna wish me a happy birthday?

Happy birthday... What?

I love you.

Billy, my boy, happy birthday.

Both: Happy birthday.

How you doing? Fine.

I'd do better, if I had longer arms.

I see what you mean there.

Hey, Freddy, my man! Hello!

Salud! Happy birthday!

I got a blue jay down the street... you're gonna love him.

Rooster: Hey, baby... 20! Let me see you beat that!

Aw, Chicken Soup, are you winning all the money again?

You know it, darling, I always win.

He's got nothing to worry about.

I'll take you up to the apartment and I'll make you chicken soup.

You're gonna love her chicken soup, man.

21! Read 'em and weep!

She's been cheating me all night. Hey, baby, look here...

Hiya, boss!

I never thought I'd have you at my party before.

What are you doing here?

Happy birthday, Baretta, but I'm afraid I'm here on business.

I have to talk to you alone. Do you got any place we can go?

Yeah. Excuse me, darling.

Come on into my office for a second.

Sit right here in my favorite chair.

I got to go to the bathroom.

Hold it! Give us a couple minutes, will you?

Right there. I got...

Got to use the facilities.

Sit down, boss. What's on your mind?

Thanks.

I'm sorry to bust in on your party, but I've got to...

No thanks... I've got to send you to Mount Chester first thing in the morning.

That hotsy-totsy neighborhood?

Why? Do they need an Italian gardener there?

Yeah, they may just put you to work at that.

Do you know Mike Parsons?

Yeah, we used to work Little League together.

That guy is what a Public Defender should be.

Yeah, well, his sister-in-law has just disappeared.

The captain is a little upset. Why? What do you mean?

Six months ago, a young woman named Adelaide Pentel disappeared.

We found her two weeks later, but murdered and raped,

so we're not sure what we're dealing with.

Oh, boy. Yeah.

I found the tequila.

Listen, darling, the ol' chili dog's gonna have to go on ice

for awhile on account of duty calls.

Sometimes I'm not sure what the hell language you're talking.

Pardon me.

Right away, Baretta. Adios, boss.

The fact of the matter is, this ain't only my birthday party...

Ohh! Ahh!

It's my going away party, too,

so let's make it a good one.

Foley, it's all yours, kid.

Hello, I'm Detective Baretta... they're expecting me?

Since 9:30.

This way, please.

Hello, Michael.

Maid: Detective Baretta.

Tony Baretta in a suit?

Baretta: Yeah, how about that?

Been hanging around those Italian weddings?

The boss was sending me up here in this hotsy-totsy terrain,

so he figured he better dress me correct, and bought me a couple of suits.

Very nice of him. I'm not sure, on account of he don't know it yet.

You know George here? I don't think so, sir.

How do you do? Very nice to meet you.

Say, have you ever been up around my terrain...

The King Edwards Hotel, maybe?

Is that near the Dorchester?

That's about $2 million west of the Dorchester.

Tony, listen, I'm really late.

I got a case in 20 minutes and...

I'm sorry, Michael, I had a birthday party last night.

I know I was supposed to be here at 9:30, but I was in a coma.

It doesn't matter. I'm anxious to talk to you.

Could you catch up with me later?

Right... any place. Where?

I'm going to be in court until 2:30, then I've got these kids

down at the ballpark where we used to play.

Could you come out there? That'll be nice. See you there.

I'm anxious to talk to you. Right, okay.

I'll see you, George.

I'm gonna have a scotch. How about you?

No, no thank you.

I'm still burning off a little

of that "Itralian" kerosene from the birthday party.

What a place.

This is all my brother Michael's idea, you understand?

No, sir, I don't understand.

Well, it takes at least 24 hours

for someone to be declared legally missing, doesn't it?

Yep.

Well, then she's not...

quite missing... legally.

You're right.

Your brother Michael seems to be very concerned,

but you don't seem to be that concerned.

Mary has gone off like this before...

without a word.

Once she went on an art tour, another time she joined a meditation group.

She even spent some time on an Indian reservation once.

She always calls or cables a couple of days later.

Michael is overreacting. I see.

Look, I love my wife.

I'm not overly concerned at this point,

but since Michael has called you in,

you're doing us some sort of favor, I assume.

Oh, no.

I'll be happy to cooperate in any way I can.

I'll take this one. I'll do that!

Oh, excuse me. All right.

Did she say anything to you about where she was going?

No.

Where is this, ma'am?

Lake Dinsmuir... Belongs to the family.

She doesn't go there anymore.

Oh.

You don't know if she kept a diary, do you?

I wouldn't know.

Thank you.

When did you see her last, ma'am?

Yesterday, when she came back from riding.

She goes riding every day,

then I draw her bath for her as usual.

I see.

Did she seem moody, or anything like that?

No... she's a very beautiful person.

Uh-huh.

And this is?

Her favorite perfume.

Yes, it's lovely... lovely.

It's the same smell.

Yes.

Yeah.

What is this for, ma'am? Do you know?

No.

Well... oh... her riding.

Where did she go riding? Did she have her own horse?

The estate has its own stables.

Hello?

Hello... police officer.

Am I alone?

Hold it! I'm a cop!

Listen! Wait a minute!

Hold it! I'm a cop! Wait a minute!

Hold it. Look. See?

Police officer. I thought you were a thief.

You don't kill a thief. I would not have killed you.

A man's home is his castle.

That's something sacred, don't you agree?

Yes, sir, that's what the good book says.

Wow, you're strong!

You must be Eric, the stablemaster, right?

Right.

My name is Tony Baretta and I'm a cop.

I'm just investigating

the disappearance of Mary Parsons.

What do you mean, the disappearance of Mary Parsons?

She's gone. What do you mean she's gone?

Where? What? She travels spontaneously,

but they've never called in the police before. What are you doing here?

Well, I'm just... I'm looking for her, sir.

Maybe she... She's a free spirit, that's all I know.

You're probably right.

You know how these things are.

People get very excited when somebody's missing,

and yet down at the department I can show you

all kinds of facts on middle-aged women.

We got statistics that show that... Statistics?!

Middle-aged women? Yes.

What do you know about Mary?

Why, they...

I don't really know anything about her, sir.

These aren't my people.

I don't know what makes women do what they do.

I'm just kind of reaching around. I need your help.

She's the only reason I'm here.

I'm not a stablemaster or groom,

not Lady Chatterley's lover, either.

I watched her grow up.

We had that rare thing...

a meeting of minds.

But you wouldn't understand that.

Woman on tape: "If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain;

If I can call you friend and love you,

Though often I'm Abel, you are Cain

And soon we'll fade like morning dew;

I shall not live in vain."

That second stanza was hers,

completing a fragment of Emily Dickinson.

Lately... we've been studying Steinbeck,

"East of Eden."

Oh, I understand that, sir, I read "East of Eden."

When I was in the Merchants, I read a lot of Steinbeck.

It's really very beautiful.

She plays, too.

I took her to her first opera...

She was eight years old. She loved it.

That's her playing...

your middle-aged statistic.

I'm sorry, sir.

I was just, you know, shooting my mouth off.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

But I'm a cop,

and I have to deal a little more in facts.

You know, maybe not so much the people who loved her,

like yourself, but maybe somebody who hated her,

or revenge. Hated Mary?

Revenge? No one hated Mary.

Everybody hates somebody. Not Mary.

Maybe you're right. How about an affair?

She was a beautiful woman.

Maybe she was having an affair with someone. I have nothing more to say.

Not a meeting of the minds, but a meeting of...

I have nothing more to say.

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry.

Get out.

You see there, Larry? Ain't that the way

I told you to do it all the time?

Michael: Get up there and keep your eye on it.

How are you, kid? Do you wanna talk? Yeah.

Attaboy! See there? I told you.

Kid's got a swing just like yours.

Keep your eyes open!

I appreciate this.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Listen, Michael, I ain't got nothing for you.

She passed the 24-hour mark,

so now she's a missing person.

I have put out a report, description,

license number on the car.

They're watching the airports and all that,

but they ain't gonna come up with nothing.

What's your brother's story?

Well, he's real worried, you know.

The hell he is. I didn't get that from him at all.

Well, that's just his way.

He's concerned about this Adelaide Pentel mess, I don't know.

That's been going on for six months, he's still running around.

We ain't even gonna think about that at all.

Tell me what you know about

the tank commander there... Eric.

Did you have a run-in with him?

He gets a little tense, yeah.

He's a strange guy. Got all those brains,

but he's got the personality of a slug.

What's his story? He came out of World War Il kinda shaky, you know.

Yeah? Went to work for the family

and he watched Mary grow up.

He's been devoted to her for a long time.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna keep my eye on him.

Listen, don't worry about this thing, will you?

Do you want my opinion? The old cop?

I think she just took a cab.

That's all. She's gonna show up and surprise everybody.

No, I don't think so.

I got a real bad feeling about it.

But that's just a feeling. It ain't based on nothing.

You're not keeping anything from me, right?

You just gotta find her, you gotta find her.

All right, all right, we're gonna find her.

Okay.

Baretta: Anyway, you know everything that I know.

We're looking for a rapist, a burglar, a murderer,

anything that'll pull the damn string on this whole charade.

Yeah. Hit the streets.

Hey, I'd like to talk to you about your upholstery.

Just hit the streets and get your sniffer working, will you?

Yeah. No guarantees.

I'm not used to this fresh air.

So ol' fat and fine gets the house calls, huh?

He's working for nothing.

Come on back to my haberdashery.

Oh, so you're saving the dirty work for me?

I'm paying you $50.

$50, man? You know times is hard. I can use that 50.

For $50 I can give you an umbrella

and tell you to follow an elephant. Now put that on.

Man, you got to be jivin' me.

These is work clothes. I can't be wearing this.

Do you want to see me take that $50 back?

You're reducing me back a hundred years, man.

This is a trip, man. Tote that barge, lift that bale.

No, it ain't tote that barge,

it's tote that stick and poke them leaves and watch that house.

Get to it! That's not right.

The Black Moses of the Ghetto wearing overalls.

Every dog will have his day though,

and good dogs will have two.

My folks won't believe this stuff... overalls!

Got me out here with these crazy folks.

Yassuh, Mr. Charlie,

I's going up to the big house get some watermelon.

I get through with this gig, brother,

I'm gonna paint you white.

Is that you, love?

It's me.

I thought you were somebody else.

You make these, huh?

That's correct.

Ain't that fascinating how that turns

into a big building?

Oh, I meant to ask you the other day,

do you know where that's from?

Sea-Foam Motel.

Mary and I spent our honeymoon there.

Where did you get it? I picked it up in her room

with a couple of other things.

She keeps those things.

She has a sentimental streak.

Yeah, but my problem is that this color-coded key...

That's a recent development.

I checked on the Sea-Foam Motel

and it was torn down 10 years ago.

So the question is, what's this key doing on that tab?

You're the detective, Mr. Baretta.

Yeah, that's what they pay me for.

Woman: George?

Yes, Mrs. Ellison?

Well, I was just going to take the League's mail

and I thought I might take yours as well.

No, thank you. No mail today.

I'll just go on, then.

Thank you.

That's the mailman?

She does volunteer work across the hall.

She's a very good friend of Mary's.

Say, where do you sign up for that volunteer work?

See you later.

You're so charming.

You're just getting all my gossip out of me. May I use your lavatory?

You know, I never talk about my neighbors.

Oh, no, no.

The Parsons' ears must be burning.

I feel so wicked.

When did you say the book would be out? The book out?

I think it'll be out... Never mind.

I won't dare to read it.

Now, where was I?

Where are you, Mary?

Where and why?

Hello there, Chiefy! This is Baretta.

I'm covering Mount Chester like a glove, kid.

What do you got for me?

Well, what I got is bad news.

There was an attempted rape last night

near Lonwitter's Fashion Square.

She was an attractive young woman about 25.

She was beat up pretty badly,

but I guess she's gonna be all right.

This thing is getting too complicated.

What do you got? Any clues? Any description?

Just that the assailant was strong... on the athletic side.

She was too hysterical to notice anything else.

So we got us a psychopathic sexocologist, huh?

Yeah. I'm beginning to think that may have been

what happened to Mary Parsons.

All right, Chief, I'll hit the streets.

Check with you later.

Woman: 'Night, Kiki, see you next week.

All right, baby, don't scream

or I'll kill you! Do you understand? Yes, sir.

All right. Now, get in the car!

Start taking your clothes off!

Start taking 'em off!

I sure hope he paid well, baby,

'cause he sure did take liberties with you.

You big dummy! Where have you been?

Why didn't you help me get this guy?

Baby, I ain't getting my clothes all messed up

chasing some silly rapist.

Besides, I got two sailors waiting for me up on the avenue.

Hey, what happened to Billy?

Billy scored already, baby. He's all tied up.

What'll you have, Snow White? A Plantation Special.

Give me a bourbon and a little branch water on the side.

Ain't this a trip, man? Well, hi there!

Where's your pink panties? Can I use your phone?

You got it.

I hate to see you back in all them butch duds.

You look awful cute the other way.

A little lopsided.

Hello, Foley? Baretta, what do you got?

Tony, he's come unglued. He's with the chief right now.

What do you got? What did he say?

He found out that he assaulted that lady last night.

But we can't touch him on the Adelaide Pentel or Mary Parsons.

What do you mean? Why not?

He just got out of the mental hospital yesterday.

Oh, boy. I get 'em all.

All right, thanks.

Well, we still ain't got no rapist.

I guess the guy just liked me.

Ain't that something? What did you get, Billy?

Well, I learned not too much out of the ordinary.

There was a tragedy years ago.

Her childhood sweetheart drowned

at her family's summer cottage down by Lake Dinsmuir.

She's known as the Longworth heiress.

She's got the money?

Loaded.

I hate to ask you how you did.

Yo, man, all I saw was this brother

with a dictionary in his mouth washing a camper.

So I go up this brother to see what's happening.

He says, "Mr. George uses the camper to go fishing."

You know, like once or twice a week.

So like he says, his wife, Mary...

she don't go nowhere near the lake for years.

So, I check out Georgie's gambling record.

Georgie is a freak behind the ponies, man.

Likes to play but don't want to pay.

Got some heavy machers on the dude.

Ain't that something? He owes a bundle

and she's got the bank account.

Rooster, if you wasn't such a good hood,

I'd turn you into a cop.

Woman: Mr. Metz, don't!

Mr. Parsons!

Mr. Metz: All right, where is she? What did you do?

What are you talking about? I don't want any excuses!

Now calm down. What did you do to her?

You did it! You did it!

Let me go, Eric!

Eric: I'll kill you!

Hold on now, come here!

Get up off him, man. Come on!

Now, hold it. Hold it now!

Nobody wants to fight.

No, no, hold it now.

Just sit down, everything's okay.

Wait a minute, just take it easy.

You don't have to go. Wait a minute.

Eric?

I don't know what got into him.

Sit down here a minute. He really gets tense, don't he?

Boy, what was that all about?

You okay? Oh, yeah.

I need a drink.

Do you want something? A Scotch or anything?

Nothing for me, thank you.

Do you suppose I oughta pick him up?

Maybe... No, no, no.

He's just as disturbed as I am about Mary's disappearance.

Just leave him alone.

Okay... right.

I understand.

You just get yourself together.

Well, I...

Actually, I came by just to touch base with you.

I got a couple of things I wanna talk to you about.

It's nothing official, you understand?

I'm not Sherlock Holmes, I'm just from the streets.

This really ain't my bag, so you'll have to bear with me.

Anyway, you remember I said I knew you from someplace?

Well, I didn't see you at The Dorchester Hotel.

It was about a month and a half ago.

We raided Louis Banana's horse-betting parlor,

and you were there.

It didn't show up in the records.

I guess you took care of that some way.

Anyway, when I found out

that you were bitten by the pony bug,

I did a little checking around

and as it turns out, sir...

you're into the mob for quite a bundle.

And not only that, but in the last year and a half,

your business has been doing very, very bad.

And as it turns out,

everything is in your wife's name.

All the bank accounts, the house,

everything is in her name.

There's only one thing in your name...

An insurance policy.

Her life insurance policy.

And you're the sole beneficiary.

Are you sure you wouldn't like a scotch?

No, no, thank you.

Well... moving right along here,

I got two theories.

One is, that the mob snatched your wife.

Now that could happen, sir.

When a member of the family don't pay, they're liable to do anything.

And the other theory is... The other theory is,

husbands have been known sometimes

to kill their wives for money?

I'm just covering the bases, sir.

Well, if you take the time to find out,

you'd see that I'd already made arrangements

to pay Mr. Donnet in full.

Well, could you explain to me, sir,

how a man whose business is almost bankrupt,

everything is in his wife's name,

comes up with 122 G's to bail his way out of the mob?

The answer to that is very simple...

My wife loves me.

I beg your pardon?

She loves me.

Now, if you wake up tomorrow morning

bright and early and call my banker,

you'll see that Mary had transferred $122,000...

Voluntarily and in person

three days before she disappeared.

Oh... Now... unless you want that scotch,

or have something further to offer,

please say good night.

Well, sir, I guess I'm kinda snookered anyway.

Like I said, Mr. Parsons, this really ain't my bag.

But I have been known to come off with three rails

and sink the eight ball when the bread was on the table.

Good night, sir.

Woman: Young man!

Thank you, ma'am.

Hold it, Mrs. Ellison. I'm a cop.

My name's Tony Baretta, now don't get tense.

You were with Mr. Parsons yesterday.

Yeah, but it ain't Mr. Parsons, is it?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You don't? I got a tape recording of it.

Why don't I turn it on and we'll both find out what I'm talking about?

Look, if any of this would get out,

it could ruin a lot of people... not just me.

Maybe it won't get out. But you don't know that for sure!

Mary Parsons is missing and I'm going to find her.

Does she know? No.

Mary and I are good friends.

If something has happened to Mary...

Then all of Mount Chester would hit the fan, wouldn't it?

But that tape. What was said in there?

Can I have the tape?

Please? Sure.

But...

first I'll play it for you, then you can have it.

See, that's Blind Lemons Jefferson doing the Too Late Blues.

Yup, that's him.

Somebody pulled the plug on the old tank commander.

Is that what he had on him? Yeah.

Could have been rough. Yeah, it could have been, but don't bet on it.

What do you got, Charlie?

No sign of blood. No sign of struggle.

You don't get a shot in the head like that without bleeding a lot.

All we got is somebody dragged him up here and that's it.

Yeah, well, whatever the tank commander had...

was in his mind...

and you don't steal that without stealing his life, too.

Baretta: I ain't exactly got it all unraveled yet.

But it's getting very interesting.

I got one brother who's worried to death.

I got another brother who also happens to be the husband,

but he thinks he's on a picnic.

And you know something else?

That stiff last night, Eric? That was not a robbery and assault.

That's a whole charade. Tony.

This is all we got on what's-his-name...

Eric Metz.

He owns some bungalow courts over on Juniper Street.

Now, you see that? Get over to the Hall of Records,

find out what else you can get for me.

This is very interesting on account that Eric

and Mary both got the same key.

I'm dancing over to those courts to see what I can find out.

All right, but take it a little easy up there.

Mount Chester is not the street scene.

Kid gloves, boss. Look...

new duds, no street clothes.

Yeah, fine.

Baretta! Yeah?

Come back here.

Come back here!

What's the matter, boss?

You didn't by any chance pay for that suit

out of departmental funds, did you?

Oh, well... yeah, I did. I got two of them.

You are single-handedly putting this department over budget.

What the hell are you trying to do to me?

Well, keep poking around. They ain't gonna find anything.

I'll tell you what you can do... Get some troops...

Baretta? ...see if anybody saw or heard anything.

Yeah? You were right.

We came up with some dried blood

between the cracks in the floor. Ah-ha.

Someone used some strong detergent, tried to get rid of it.

How about fingerprints? The place is clean.

Whoever lived here must have wore gloves. Yeah, sure.

I bet you dollars to donuts that blood

turns out to be the same as Eric Metz's.

We ain't through yet.

The kid's in his element now, man, digging in the garbage.

What are we looking for?

Quiet. Watch the wizard at work.

Oh, man.

You see that?

Do you know what that is?

No, I got no idea.

That's 'cause you got no class.

That's very expensive scotch...

Way out of your league.

So, you see, Tony,

the prints definitely aren't those of George Parsons.

Yeah, Bill, I see what you mean.

So, what have you got?

I'll tell you what I had, boss.

I had two guys who hate each other.

I got Mary and Eric sharing the same bungalow, the same key.

I had blood of Eric's on the floor.

I had a bottle of scotch that belongs to George.

I thought I had his fingerprints on it

which gave me a suspect, a motive.

Now I got no fingerprints, no suspect, no motive.

I don't got nothing. That's what I got.

We're gonna turn this whole case over to Missing Persons

because you haven't got anything!

I got two new suits.

Oh, by the way.

I found out that you went to one

of the most expensive stores in town for those suits.

So, I've made arrangements for you to buy them back from the department.

At only half their original cost. Thanks, boss.

You what?!

Woman: "If I can call you friend and love you,

Though often I'm Abel, you are Cain

And soon we'll fade like morning dew;

I shall not live in vain."

Dear Eric, It's quite late now.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could go back

to the lake and Jimmy?

The title of "East of Eden" comes from Genesis 4-16.

"And Cain went out from the presence of the Lord,

and dwelt in the Land of Nod,

on the East of Eden."

My life is like the last of Steinbeck's book.

I'm Abra.

Caught between two brothers,

one good and one bad;

and I'm afraid I can't help myself.

I love the evil one.

I'm Abra.

Caught between two brothers,

one good and one bad;

and I'm afraid I can't help myself.

I love the evil one.

Now you got it, Baretta.

They match the prints on the bottle.

Yeah, so I got Michael Parsons' prints.

I know what I got. I ain't got nothing.

Ah, brother Michael, come on in.

Tony, what is this? What are you doing in my apartment?

Something dumb. Sit down.

I'll tell you why it's dumb.

On account of anybody who's smart enough

to wash down a whole bungalow

to wipe away all the fingerprints,

ain't gonna be silly enough

to leave any kind of evidence around his apartment, is he?

I don't follow this, Tony.

Oh, really, you're not following me, huh?

You see, I found your fingerprints on a bottle of scotch

in the garbage can out behind the bungalow...

The one you were shacking up with Mary in?

You know, the one that Eric owned.

Yeah, Eric figured into it some way, didn't he?

I don't know exactly how, but something went down

between you and him, and you snuffed him.

He ain't drinking your drink.

I'll tell you what else I got.

I got a tape recording where Mary says,

"I love two brothers... One good and one bad,

but I love the bad one most."

Mary said that?

Yeah.

Tastes like cough medicine.

Yeah, brother Michael, that's what she said.

Now it's your turn to say something...

but you're too smart for that, ain't you?

All you gotta do is keep your mouth shut and I'll never be able to carry you off.

All I got is a lot of circumstantial evidence.

And if I got you in a courtroom,

you'd blow me out of the water in five minutes, wouldn't you?

Where do you think she is, Tony?

In the Land of Nod, East of Eden.

You know about that, don't you?

I asked a priest... he said that means she's wandering.

Remember I said she took a cab?

Well, that's what she did...

and boy, for her sake, I hope she stays away.

I... I love her, Tony.

Somehow that news fails to disquiet me, my man.

In other words, I don't care.

Michael?

Oh, brother George! Come on in.

Yes, have a drink.

Scotch, I believe it is... right here.

Don't you want to hear what I got to say?

Not particularly. Michael, I have something private to discuss with you.

Come on, I'm just trying to tie up a few loose ends

before I pack my bags.

It seems that brother Michael has got a problem,

on account of he was dancing in the dark with your ol' lady,

just like you were with Catherine,

only Michael got a little tense because his charade got muddy,

so he snuffed the tank commander, Eric.

You didn't know that, did you, George?

What, about the affair?

Yes, I knew about it.

What?

And I appreciated my brother's discretion.

Boy, oh boy, oh boy.

No wonder she took a cab.

Man, with a pair like you to draw to,

and Eric for a hole card... mm, mm, mm.

Listen, Tony... Yes, Michael, what is it?

Nothing.

Nothing... that's what I figured, maybe it was nothing.

I guess you must be the bad one, huh, George?

The thing I can't figure is why she loved you at all,

on account of I don't even like you.

Oh, really. Yeah, really.

Go ahead, walk away, 'cause that's what I'm gonna do.

Like I said, you people just ain't my bag.

Michael, I hope I nail you some day.

Make a mistake.

If I don't... live with it.

I'm gonna get this monkey suit off and go back to my dirty streets,

where I can breathe some clean air.

Mary's voice: I shall not live in vain.

Mike's voice: I love her, Tony.

Mary's voice: If I can ease one life the aching...

Billy's voice: Her childhood sweetheart drowned at her family's

summer cottage down by Lake Dinsmuir.

Mary's voice: Wouldn't it be nice if I could go back to the lake and Jimmy?

Go back to my first love...

Lake Dinsmuir.

I guess it wasn't your bag either, huh?

Mary's voice: "Dearest Michael, I'm sorry.

I couldn't return your love.

I tried.

I know it was warm, genuine...

That made it all the worse.

I love George, still...

Strange that I should.

He doesn't love me. What can I do?

The boy I loved and who loved me died so very long ago.

I guess it happens only once.

Forgive me, Mary."

Only once, Tony.

Yep.

Well, I guess she snookered us both.

You thought she was in love with you,

and I thought she took a cab.

I guess I ain't so smart at that.

Anyway, there ain't much to say now

but maybe in a little while, after the water calms down...

Tony? Yeah.

I, uh... I'm gonna go with you.

Fair enough.

Tony, let me put it to you this way...

We may not spend as much money on rose fertilizer...

Thanks... as those folks in Mount Chester,

but we have each other and I'll settle for that...

and a little two-bit gin.

Amen, brother. Yeah.

As long as that window over there is open

and I can hear them sounds and smell them smells,

I'll know who I am.

Well, I wish I knew who I was.

Had me wearing them funny sponges, man.

I've had one identity crisis after another.

Just remember, next time...

Round sponges, not square.

Hey! Gin! Gin?

That's it, fellas.

Again? There's somebody at the door.

Come on, give me some money here.

Mimi darling, girl, what are you doing here?

I brought your birthday present...

and some chili dogs.

Lovely, lovely!

Have you got the tequila? Have I got the tequila?

Wait just a minute... I got a little clearing up to do.

Hold on a second. You got a cousin in there?

I don't got no cousin!

Come on in... We got a gin game going.

Why don't you move it down, you guys. Gin? That's terrific!

Play with her, you'll go home by bus.

Why don't you go downstairs and play with Fred? Give me one of those dogs.

No, we're not having chili dogs now.

Can you get some glasses?

Certainly, I'll get glasses for you. It'll be just fine.

Oh, this is marvelous!

Hey, Fred. Hi.

Do you want to go to the movies?

Do you like Burt Reynolds?

Terrific.