Original subtitles

Michael?

Michael!

Yeah, what?

You were asleep.

Well I'm awake now.

Awake now, you were sound asleep. Pull over.

No I'm good, I'm good for a couple more hours.

A couple of more hours of what?

I wanna drive.

No look, Damon I'm fine. Really I am.

Where are we?

Spain.

I know that.

Hey guys, I'm so excited traveling with you two bachelors.

I mean to have asked me along to Europe, my best buddies.

I feel like one of the guys, just one of the guys you know.

I'm coming down.

What am I doing I should be cooking?

Okay I'm gonna put something together

that both of you guys are gonna just love.

Sam?

No stay right there, don't you guys move.

I'm gonna show you far a Spanish peseta can stretch.

Spanish peseta, that sounds sort of interesting.

Stretch, it must be some kind of pasta.

It's money.

What?

Pesetas are Spanish currency duck- face.

Ah, don't call me duck-face.

Everything going okay back there?

Oh just terrific I hope you guys are real hungry.

Mm hmm.

Michael don't encourage her.

We're gonna have to talk to her about this sometime.

You guys are gonna love this.

Steak tartare I love more than anything in the world

but you can't make it with raw pork.

You're right but what killed me was you ate it.

I was starved then and I'm starved now.

I'm so hungry I could eat a...

Hope you guys are real hungry.

Hey a little night music from the big sound of Madrid.

There you go.

Oh shit!

Ow.

Shh.

What the hell did you just do?

There was a coyote on the road and I swerved.

There are no coyotes in Spain.

All right it was a wild dog.

You hit a dog?

I think I did.

Hey nice shot.

That's not funny. You guys this is serious.

Now one of you will have to go out there and take a look.

It could be in pain.

Hey give us a break.

You guys, the poor little thing.

I'm not sure we're dealing with

a poor little thing here, Samantha.

Well I couldn't bear the thought

of leaving a hurt dog on the highway.

Please Michael, for me.

If one of you don't go out there I will.

All right I'll go.

Anyways somebody's gotta check the dune buggy.

Here, let me out.

Why are we whispering?

At least there's one man around here.

It's pretty dark out here.

If it's alive and it bites you, scream.

At least I have the moonlight.

Wonderful.

Here puppy, , here boy.

Here puppy.

What is this muck?

Muck.

Lovely.

Shit.

Great.

Don't do that.

You nearly scared me to death.

Scared you?

I swear I thought that you were some

kind of werewolf of something.

How'd you make that sound?

What sound?

Well?

No harm done as far as I could see.

No problem.

Let's turn on some light.

Michael!

It was a dog Samantha. It was just a dog, it was ugly dog.

Yeah well I think it was a lot of blood for a dog.

We're never gonna make it to Madrid

with the RV acting like this.

Well can you fix it out here?

Yeah, if we could find the parts.

Welcome to Duarte.

Yeah, well this place

looks like a ghost town to me.

The people in Spain try to get

to sleep before 3:45 in the morning.

It's a tradition.

Whoa, cute.

Yeah but leave the comedy to the pros.

Well I love this.

I mean what a cute little town you know?

A little niche in the middle of the world.

I mean it's Spain you know?

Isn't cool?

Oh, yeah and they serve beer. How quaint.

That was strange.

Michael, Damon, and Samantha, three care-free

tourists on a summer European tour.

Michael swerves to avoid a crazed, vicious wolf.

He courageously gets out to check.

He slips in a pool of blood.

Suddenly, the RV is having problems.

They have to spend a night in a town.

A town were beer was served with the flick of a wrist.

A night in the Duarte Zone.

Damon!

That was really cruel.

You know I scare easily.

Ow.

Don't do it again.

And now we come to the pinnacle of the evening

which one of us gets to sleep with Samantha?

Oh get out of town, good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night John Boy.

Hey Damon.

Morning legs.

So Sam.

Hmm?

I could definitely fall madly in bed with you.

Damon!

Ow, sorry, truce okay.

Truce.

Yeah.

I checked the undercarriage for damage but it looks okay.

Yeah?

Yeah we were lucky.

But the fuel line, it's shot.

Yeah.

I need to find some parts before we can go anywhere.

Good morning sunshine.

Palm Springs, we're in Palm Springs.

Oh God they're coming over here.

Look at that guy's tie.

Look at his zipper.

Welcome. Welcome.

How you do?

I do.

How you do?

Bodi Bodi, this is Bodi, baby Bodi.

You are Americans?

Yes we are.

Wonderful, wonderful, golly, gee whiz

and check it out dude, and Boston Dodgers and all that.

Have you been here long?

Two days.

Yeah?

Leaving yesterday but disfortunately

picked up a case of Calcutta.

They're not pleasant if you know what I mean.

It's called diarrhea Bill.

Yes darling.

And please tell her to call me daddy.

Baby.

You know of a good place to eat around here.

Sure do, sure do, Raji Shalah Baker.

Shall we go now.

So long. What an adorable little girl.

She's a rugrat.

Let's go I must eat.

Oh good because I've already planned on fixing something.

No, no, you already made the coffee.

Good stuff.

Did you like it?

Yeah.

Oh good.

Dr. W. Bodi Tracer, the infamous NASA analyst.

Tell me professor what does W stand for in W. Bodi Tracer?

William?

Billy?

It took you long enough to get here.

I've been here for two lousy days.

I came as soon as I got the call.

It's your fault doctor. You and your lousy experiments.

Why don't you just tell me what happened?

Tell you, I'm gonna show you.

Are you all right?

Wait, here you gotta look presentable.

Gracias.

Take the keys go find the parts for the RV.

Yessum.

This is a cute little place.

Hey.

You ever heard of excuse me pal?

Hey!

Excusez-moi.

Thank you.

Come on Samantha.

Thank you?

Don't thank him, I was about to pick

that guy up and throw him out the window.

Then, then I would've shot him.

Watch this.

I know exactly what he's doing,

it's James Cagney's dying scene from White Heat.

It's nothing new, he does it all the time.

Hey Michael, hey order me a hamburger you pervert.

I love ya, you're beautiful now get outta here.

Is this a nice place?

Ah geez, I'm glad we made reservations.

Welcome to the Motel Duarte.

Please.

You gotta excuse the stench Doctor, maid service sucks.

Let me take your bag please.

I want you to meet a friend of mine.

Lieutenant Lumpy meet Dr. Tracer.

Dr. Tracer meet Lieutenant Lumpy.

And not that we've got all the preliminaries out of the way,

Doctor, why does the Lieutenant look like somebody

just crammed a soccer ball down his throat?

Lieutenant Gray.

Where did you find him?

Right here, he was sent down here

to find out why communications with

the research center were suddenly cut off.

And I was sent to find out happened to the Lieutenant.

I guess they just would have just kept on sending guys

down here until they ran out of personnel.

So I thought it would be better just to call you direct.

Just give it to me straight doc,

will the Lieutenant ever play the piano again?

I've got the situation well under control.

Fill me in on this one doc.

Oh come on, give me a fucking break.

Are you all right?

Alright you wait right here.

I can see from here from the expression on your face

that you got the situation well under control, Doctor.

Um, esto es mine.

Our amigo Damon will be right back.

Right back.

Our amigo, Damon.

Samantha, there's something I've been

kind of wanting to ask you about.

Yes?

All of us have been together

for the last two weeks, right?

10 days.

Right.

What Michael?

When you look at a guy like me, what do you see?

I mean from a girl's point of view?

Oh God, what am I saying.

No, you're very nice Michael and good looking.

Well both of you, good, great, great looking both.

Both, I mean of course of us then

girls seem to warm up to him first but...

You're very handsome Michael.

Thanks.

This town is nuts.

Why what happened?

Well I found the parts store right, it was dosed

but there was this old guy still inside.

Well of course it's siesta time.

You see it's a tradition in Spain

and many of the people they live right their own shops

so that's probably why you saw somebody

in there even though it was closed.

Thank you Sam.

Can I continue now?

Yeah.

This old guy, right, he's staring at me with this

weird grin, then the window completely shatters because

some idiot has whizzed a tire iron inches from my head.

The old guy, he's completely covered with glass,

with this one long sliver stuck in his face.

He pulls it out and looks over

at me with this same weird grin.

So you didn't get the part?

No, I didn't get the part!

I tore out of the store as fast

as these decathlon legs would take me.

I vaulted the car that was parked between

and the dune buggy and landed in the driver's seat.

And I'm here.

Well are you all right?

Sure.

Well, actually no.

Oh Damon.

What it's just a small scratch.

Yeah but look.

Maybe it's another tradition.

Right, a cook punches her out in the kitchen

so she can bleed all over our food.

What is this stuff?

Oh, especial del dia.

Let's get outta here.

Look I didn't touch a bite of it.

You did.

You mean because I took one lousy bite I'm supposed

to pay for something you ordered and didn't event want?

Yeah.

I have to pay for your breakfast plus half of Sam's?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

What the hell is that?

Welcome to the NASA Research Center, Captain Wells.

It doesn't look like much of a space center to me doc.

Where the hell is everybody?

I wish I knew.

Welcome to level one Dr. Tracer.

Level five please

I ask you, what's her name?

If she's got a sister that's somebody for you doc.

You are now descending to level five.

Welcome to level five.

It's open someone's been inside.

Something's really wrong.

If you only knew.

If I only knew what, Doctor?

If I only knew what?

What are these?

Don't touch it.

What is this?

Canisters from Skylab?

What they hell are we dealing with here Doc?

I asked you a question!

We found living microbes in the geological samples

taken from the Moon on the Apollo 14 mission.

They were dormant.

What does Skylab have to do with this?

Before Skylab we hoped to study

those microbes in a safe environment.

The affect on the test animals were hideous.

An alien?

We were so sure they would have burned up on reentry.

And what about that poor son of a bitch in the motel room?

Lieutenant Green, once exposed, only had 48 hours.

And what about me?

It's too late isn't it, Christ, I can feel it.

You idiot.

You should have told... I'm just another test rat.

You son of a bitch.

You don't even know what you're dealing with here.

I can see it in your face.

Well look at your test rat now Doctor.

I don't know whether to blow your brains out or...

Find yourself another guinea pig.

Hey you guys, come on wake up!

Come on!

Come on. Wake up!

Hey would you two know that one out of every eight people

are inflicted with Elmer Fudd disease.

No I didn't know that.

Guess what, can I have a kiss please?

No.

Well then I guess a blowjob is strictly out of the question.

Damon, that was really gross!

You aren't in a movie guys if you haven't noticed.

Nice one.

But I happen to be lady.

C'mon he's just joking.

And you can joke around all you want.

But don't treat me, don't treat me like that.

What did I do?

I mean I'm doing my part and know that was part

of our agreement but it gives you no

right to treat me like some floozy.

A floozy?

Yeah, a floozy.

I'm going in to town and I'm gonna

do some more grocery shopping.

Yeah Damon let's go with her.

Oh no you're not, you're gross and I'm going alone.

Front door open.

I think you've to be a little more gentle with her Damon.

I mean I think of her like she's a little sister you know.

Oh right, but then again I know your views on incest.

Hands off, okay Damon?

Hands off.

Stop acting like you don't even care.

Oh I knew it, I knew it.

You tell me that we'll ask her along, she'll do our laundry,

she'll do the cooking, all we have

to do is pay for half of her trip.

She'll take care, she won't interfere with our

sex lives; well you definitely didn't want

here to interfere with my sex life.

You owe me buddy.

You owe me for half of her trip.

I'm gonna put the most incredible moves

on this chick you've ever seen.

Alright, fine. Go ahead.

Some life long friend you are.

Alright, give it your best shot.

You always get the girl.

But we'll see this time, buddy.

What is it, what do you want?

You are in great danger. Please I have to talk to you.

What are you talking about?

How long have you been in town?

Oh that's original.

Ciao baby.

No please you don't understand.

Pickled, pickled pig's eyes.

Oh God.

Please start.

Get out of here.

What do you think I'm trying to do?

Drive.

Hey don't blame this whole thing on me.

I've got her.

Michael.

Tell here we're sorry.

You can have the dune buggy.

Let me out.

You just

be quiet and drive where I tell you.

There's got to be a wire from somewhere in this town.

We don't have much time.

Why do you think the townspeople have

been behaving in the way they have?

Where does kidnapping me

at gunpoint rate in your book?

He's got Sam.

Shh.

My friends will be looking for me.

I hope so.

You, and your friends, and myself have all been

contaminated, but we still have time for a cure.

I'm trying to make contact with NASA.

Dammit, I've lost her.

There still here and there lights are on.

I'm gonna ask 'em if we can borrow his car.

You stay by the radio all right?

All right.

Mr. Bodi?

Mr. Bodi?

Come on, Mr. Bodi?

Oh come on!

What did they say?

They...

What is it Damon?

You all right buddy?

I can rig a fuel line with their car.

Michael, don't go over there.

Oh, look.

Hello my name is Captain Peanut.

Hello my name is...

You've had this thing on the whole time?

I don't understand you.

We will go to the motel.

There should be a main switchboard there.

Maybe that one is working.

Pull over.

Am I driving or are you?

Come on let's go. Get out of the car.

No.

I said let's go. Get out of the car.

We don't have much time. Let's go.

You know you're parked in a red zone.

What's taking you so long?

Okay, try it now.

Hurry up, get in!

I got it don't worry about me.

Damon are you sure this thing's gonna work?

Don't worry about me, I got it, I got it.

Damon?

We can go now.

Let me go.

If I let you go I may not find you again

and you and your friends will die.

You're crazy!

Hello, hello, yes, yes, red alpha alert.

No, it's not a drill.

Don't you understand this is Doctor Morgan Tracer,

zero, zero, five, nine, one.

No I haven't notified the Spanish government.

Don't you understand there isn't time.

Let me out of here.

Let me out of here!

Please let me out of here!

Please help me!

What is that?

What is that?

Come with me.

You had to pick that room to hide in.

It was the only one that wasn't locked.

I've been trying to tell you.

Are Michael and Damon all right?

You trust me now?

Do I have a choice?

Shh. Shh.

Just wait here.

Is this the man.

Samantha!

Damon no!

Ow, god.

You mean he's not the one who kidnapped you?

Yes, no.

Can I get up now?

I've got something to show you.

That's the only road leading in and out of Duarte.

The only road left. Look at that.

Well there's no doubt in my mind,

we've definitely entered the twilight zone.

They're barricading us in.

It will spread so fast, so far,

the entire population of Europe will be

wiped out in a matter of weeks.

Yeah but what's gonna happen to us?

Damon, I don't believe you.

He just said all of Europe will be wiped out

and you wanna know what's gonna happen to us.

Bitch, sorry.

What sort of disease could cause this?

It's not a disease, it's an alien.

It centered itself in his stomach.

It uses the DNA structure of the host like a supermarket,

picking and choosing the traits it needs to develop itself.

The victims being invaded have approximately

48 hours before they become psychopathic.

Then the alien becomes fully developed.

And is violently expelled.

Expelled?

Really?

I need one of those canisters from

the NASA Research Center for the antidote.

If we don't get it soon it will be too late.

Well let's say we get the antidote.

How are we gonna get out of here?

Weapons, we need weapons.

Lots of weapons.

Stop here.

Why here?

I saw this place earlier.

I got a good feeling about it.

Ow.

Hello my name is Captain Peanut.

Damon what was it?

I was just attacked by a flying baby doll.

Well what now?

I'm impressed.

Damon take a look, I think the rear

of the camper's barely sticking out.

Yeah nice job Michael.

This should hold us.

I'll prepare the serum here.

I've got to go back to research center

and find the Skylab canister.

Look I'll go and you stay here.

You can't do it.

I can run the 100 in 10 flat what can you do it in?

Let him go.

I do need the time to prepare.

You need this.

There are five descending levels to the research center.

Damon, I gotta go.

So that's your weapon?

It's better than nothing.

Well take it.

No those things scare me.

Scare you?

We had target practice every day

when were training for Vietnam.

We were in the sixth grade and we shot Red Ryder BB guns.

It's the same principle.

Listen, take care of yourself, okay?

Yeah.

Michael, please take this. It's Tracer's.

You wouldn't try anything stupid?

You better get back in the RV hon.

Hon?

I'll see you later.

I think they make a cute couple.

Oh come on, give me a break!

Does anybody tell her it was me that fixed the RV?

No, but old Mikey, he's the kind of

a guy that I mould my life after.

There is something you should know Samantha.

It was Damon who fixed the camper.

Hey you know, it's no big deal.

He'll be all right won't he?

I love a girl named Samantha, oh yeah.

I see you.

Well here I am Mr. Brave.

Who is mas macho?

Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, or yo.

Kiddo.

Oh hi.

You know I really appreciate you fixing

the RV and coming after me and all.

You really think we would have

left you out there all by yourself?

Hey come here.

I'm worried about him too you know.

Ever since kindergarten we've been competing.

I was Greater Los Angeles champ and Michael,

old Mikey, was Hollywood's number one driver,

everything from tricycles to jeeps,

dune buggies, even a race car or two.

Hey you better not steal him away from me, huh?

I don't know what I'd do without him.

You couldn't have picked a nicer guy.

Well I take that back.

There's probably just one who's a little bit better.

You've both been such gentleman.

What can I say, you know Sam,

everything that Michael knows he learned from me.

So actually you've fallen in love with my style, not his.

I hope it doesn't affect you two in the future.

I mean in babies.

Shit!

God it's quiet out there.

I wonder what they're doing?

Killing each other.

Okay, I got ya, turn on the lights.

You can't climb up the ladder, can you you little shit?

Oh shit.

What?

The NASA Research Center

has entered into emergency destruct mode.

You have t-minus 60 seconds to evacuate.

The NASA Research Center has entered

into emergency destruct mode,

you have t-minus 30 seconds to evacuate.

I've got it, I've got it, I've got the kit, canister.

I did it. I got it, I got the canister.

I gotta get out.

I did it. I got it.

Samantha, what's your blood type?

O positive.

Damon?

N positive.

There's no N positive Damon.

Oh.

Now Damon give Samantha your rifle and come over here

so I can take a sample of your blood.

Help yourself professor.

What's wrong?

What was it Damon?

Whatever it was it's not there now.

Where's Michael?

You said it wouldn't take long.

Oh no!

Not you again.

Okay let's see if Hollywood's number

one driver can't lose one lousy Fiat.

One incredibly souped-up Fiat.

That was Mikey.

He's got one Fiat on his tail.

Come on Mike you can lose him.

Mikey happens to be Hollywood's number one driver.

Flying fuck it.

Here he comes again.

Does he have the canister, can he see?

He's got his thumbs up.

Yeah.

Yeah he's got it yeah!

Hey calm down a moment, if we're gonna

do this thing right let's take our clothes off.

Nascar take a fast look at who

the greater Lost Angeles calls the champ.

Hey Hollywood, oh man you were

looking good out there buddy.

I knew you could do it.

Now Damon grab the canister, I need your help.

You've got blood on your leg.

I'm not sure you should touch me

this stuff is pretty deadly.

Really?

Yeah.

But Spacer's got an antidote.

That's true.

You'd have been real proud of me

down there in that research center,

the whole place on self-destruct,

I lost the card I couldn't get out.

How did you get out?

I did what any red-blooded American hero would do,

climbed up the elevator shaft.

Wonderful.

Thanks.

And that Fiat chasing me,

I think I handled him pretty good.

Hollywood's number one driver.

You know that?

Of course.

Damon,

All of Greater Los Angeles Champ.

That was very affectionate.

I know.

I'm glad you know so much.

How sweet, we haven't got all night, come on.

Boo.

The antidote will work just like the old tetanus shots

which initially was just a horse serum.

Let's use myself as an example of the horse.

Careful.

Years ago the horse was injected

with the purest strain of tetanus.

The aliens developed so rapidly

that it only takes about 20 seconds for

the necessary antibodies to develop in their bloodstream.

Blood was taken from the horse.

And the serum is made which is then

injected into the patient.

Damon, you first.

Ah, I hate this sort of thing.

Come on.

That should do it.

Where's yours?

What was that?

F-14s.

F-14s carry napalm.

Is that why you needed to make that call?

We're all going to be burnt to a crisp hah?

No.

Saturation napalm bombing right?

Listen you still have time.

Oh god your nose!

Hey wait, there could be someone out there.

What do you think happens to the horse

after he's was injected with tetanus?

Tracer!

You could've told us Tracer!

Tracer it's not too late!

We can get you to a hospital.

Tracer?

You know what I'll do to you?

If you don't get out of here?

Tracer it's not too late.

No these jets are going to destroy this town.

Come with us. Please.

Do you think I can come with you?

Yes of course you can.

We wouldn't leave you here.

Don't don't leave without me.

Don't leave...

Tracer get out of the street.

Don't leave me here.

Tracer!

Run!

Damon come on let's get outta of here.

God dammit.

I've had enough of this bullshit,

we're getting the hell out of here.

Damon it's the gas truck.

Damon what are you doing?

Be careful!

Damon!

What?

Ow.

I'd like to see that son of a bitch try that again.

Shit!

Damon?

Hold on we're going through.

Don't wait for me.

Just one tire that's all I want.

Damon strap yourself in.

Just one.

Damon!

Damon!

Damon!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

It's telling.

There's the hotel called Citron about 20 kilometers

from here that Samantha claims

is famous for having the first bull fight in Spain.

Give me that.

Oh God. Oh no!

Micheal!

Help me!

Michael, Damon!

It's a nightmare fabric all right.

Guys get it off.

What the hell is that?

It's the same thing I saw...

Get it off!

Come on Damon go.

Go Damon put it into drive let's get out of here.

Hurry it's coming.

How much longer 'til Madrid?

Not long. It's all over now.

I'll say.