Original subtitles

[eerie music]

(male narrator) YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER ANOTHER DIMENSION

A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF M IND

A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND OF IMAGINATION.

NEXT STOP, THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

[organ grinder plays East Side, West Side]

[humming]

(male narrator) IN THE PARLANCE OF THE 20th CENTURY,

THIS IS AN ODDBALL.

HIS NAME IS JAMES B.W. BEVIS

AND HIS TASTES LEAN TOWARD STUFFED ANIMALS, ZITHER MUSIC

PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, CHARLES DICKENS, MOOSE HEADS,

CARNIVALS, DOGS, CHILDREN AND YOUNG LADIES.

MR. BEVIS IS ACCIDENT-PRONE, A LITTLE VAGUE,

A LITTLE DISCOMBOOBERATED, WITH A LIFE THAT POSSESSES

ALL THE SECURITY OF A FLOATING CRAP GAME.

BUT THIS CAN BE SAID OF OUR MR. BEVIS:

WITHOUT HIM, WITHOUT HIS WARMTH, WITHOUT HIS KINDNESS,

THE WORLD WOULD BE A CONSIDERABLY POORER PLACE,

ALBEIT PERHAPS A LITTLE SANER.

[whistling]

HEY.

[cIicking teeth]

[whistIing]

HI, M ICH ELLE.

GOOD MORNING, MR. BEVIS.

WHY NOT, MR. BEVIS?

WHY NOT?

OKAY.

HEY!

HEY! HEY!

[Iaughing]

HEY, TONY.

LOVELY MORNING, AIN'T IT?

THANKS, TONY.

(male narrator) SHOULD IT NOT BE OBVIOUS BY NOW,

JAMES B.W. BEVIS IS A FIXTURE

IN HIS OWN PRIVATE,

OPTIM ISTIC, HOPEFUL LITTLE WORLD.

A WORLD WHICH HAS LONG CEASED BEING SURPRISED BY HIM.

[whistles]

HEY, COME ON! COME ON!

[engine starting]

[backfiring]

JAMES B.W. BEVIS--

ON WHOM DAME FORTUNE WILL SHORTLY TURN HER BACK

BUT NOT BEFORE SHE GIVES HIM A PASTE IN THE MOUTH.

MR. JAMES B.W. BEVIS, JUST ONE BLOCK AWAY

FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

WILL YOU PLEASE TELL THE GENTLEMAN

WHO OCCU P I ES THIS-- THIS M USEU M AND LIVESTOCK EXH I B IT

I SHOU LD LIKE TO SEE HIM

WHEN HE F I NALLY DE IG NS TO REPORT FOR WORK.

[ticking]

[tsk, sighs]

HI, EARL. HI, DWAYN E.

HI, MAU DE.

MORNING.

HI, MARGARET.

U H, MR. BEVIS

MR. PECKIN PAUG H WANTS TO SEE YOU.

OH.

THANKS.

(Peckinpaugh) I'LL BE BRIEF, BEVIS.

YOU KEEP A LEDGER LIKE AN APE.

YOUR DESK IS AN AFFRONT TO ANY ORDERLY SYMMETRY.

YOUR ECCENTRICITIES ARE BEYOND ANY UNDERSTANDING.

YOUR BRINGING ZITHER MUSIC TO PLAY DURING THE AFTERNOON.

YOUR HIRING CHRISTMAS CAROLERS

TO SERENADE THE OFFICE DURING OUR BUSIEST HOUR--

THANKS.

THE SACK, MR. BEVIS?

THE SACK.

THIS IS THE SIXTH JOB I'VE LOST THIS YEAR, MARGARET.

WELL, THE BEST-LAI D PLANS OF M ICE AND M EN... AND BEVIS.

I'LL H ELP YOU PACK, MR. BEVIS.

I WAS BU I LDING THIS FOR ONE OF THE KIDS.

IT'S OLD IRONSIDES-- THE CONSTITUTION.

WELL, SHE WON'T GET LAU NCH ED TODAY.

OLD IRONSIDES WILL GET LAU NCH ED.

YOU'LL GET ANOTHER JOB.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

THE ONLY JOB I'VE HELD FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS

WAS DU RING THE SECON D WORLD WAR WHEN I WAS IN THE NAVY.

HERE. THIS IS ME NEXT TO THE FANTAI L.

OH, HE'S FAT, ISN'T H E?

THAT'S THE BOS'N'S MATE.

THIS IS THE FANTAI L.

[loud crashing]

[tires screeching]

YOURS?

DOES IT DO THIS OFTEN?

WELL, IT NEVER HAS BEFORE.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF LIKE AN OLD FRI END TO ME.

WELL, I'LL PHON E FOR THE TOW TRUCK.

DO THAT.

OFFICER, YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED

IN PU RCHASING A RICKEN BACKER, WOULD YOU?

IT'S A LATE '24.

NO, THANKS.

I KINDA GOT MY EYE ON A '27 MAXWELL.

BUT I'M GON NA WAIT U NTI L THE N EW MODELS COME OUT

BECAUSE THAT WAY I CAN GET A BETTER DEAL.

OFFICER, DID YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS?

NOT LIKE THIS.

(Bevis) HI, BU D.

OH. HELLO, M RS. CH ETFIELD.

THAT'S RIGHT, BEVIS.

YOU'RE BEING EVICTED.

SIX WEEKS IN ARREARS ON YOUR RENT

AND THAT'S IT, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERN ED.

(bartender) YOU SAID YOU WANTED SOMETHING

TO FORTI FY A MAN IN THE DARKEST HOUR OF HIS LIFE.

ARE THEM IT?

[sIurring] "THOSE" ARE IT.

YOU CAN'T USE "TH EM" IN THE NOM I NATIVE CASE.

LIVE AND LEARN, HUH?

YEP, LIVE AND LEARN.

BARTEN DER!

YOU ALL RIGHT, BU D?

WOULD YOU KINDLY TELL ME

WHAT ARE THEING REDI ENTS OF THIS DRINK?

YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GET FORTIF I ED, PAL.

I PUT EVERYTHING IN THERE BUT ATOM IC EN ERGY.

DOES THAT EXPLAIN WHY I CAN SEE HIM IN THE M I RROR

BUT I CAN'T SEE HIM IN THE BOOTH?

SEE WHO?

"WHOM." OBJ ECTIVE CASE.

(man) QU ITE RIGHT, MR. BEVIS--

WHOM. OBJ ECTIVE CASE.

WELL, MR. BEVIS, WE MEET AT LAST, EH?

THAT'S VERY N ICE.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE?

WHOM. OBJ ECTIVE CASE.

THE NAME,

FOR PURPOSES OF IDENTIFICATION,

IS J. HARDY H EM PSTEAD.

I'M YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL.

THIS IS MY FRI EN D, MR. J. HARDY H EM PSTEAD.

SEE WHAT HE'S HAVING.

HIM?

AND A HAPPY THANKSG IVING TO YOU.

WELL, CH EERS, MR. H EM PSTEAD

AND TO BETTER DAYS.

OH, AREN'T YOU DRINKING?

NOW THEN, YOU WERE SAYING YOU WERE MY-- WHAT WAS IT?

YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL.

MR. BEVIS,

HERE'S THE WAY THE COOKI E CRU M BLES.

SEVERAL H U N DRED YEARS AGO

ONE OF YOUR ANCESTORS

PERFORM ED AN ACT OF GREAT COU RAG E.

PART OF HIS REWARD WAS TO HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL

ASSIGN ED TO ONE OF HIS DESCEN DANTS

IN EACH GEN ERATION.

CU RRENT SU BJ ECT: JAMES B.W. BEVIS--

THAT'S YOU.

MR. BEVIS, IN THE PAST FEW GENERATIONS

I'VE HAN DLED SOME EXTREM ELY SOLI D CITIZENS

AMONG YOUR PROG EN ITORS.

FOR I NSTANCE,

MAG ELLAN BEVIS--

AN INTREPID EXPLORER OF THE 1 6th CENTURY.

PARNELL BEVIS--

A MEMBER OF THE BRIT'SH PARLIAMENT

WHO FOUGHT FOR HOME RULE AGAINST INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS.

AND MORE RECENTLY, GUNNER LOU BEVIS

THE FIRST MARINE TO HIT THE BEACH AT NICARAGUA.

THAT'S U NCLE LOU I E!

I TELL YOU WHAT, LOOK, LOOK

LOOK, I'LL CLOSE MY EYES REAL TIG HT AND YOU DISAPPEAR

AND THEN GO AWAY AND HAU NT SOMEBODY ELSE.

I AM NOT A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.

AS OF NOW, YOU ARE BEING WATCH ED OVER

BY THE SAME GUARDIAN ANGEL, J. HARDY H EM PSTEAD,

YOUR OBEDI ENT SERVANT.

WATCH ED OVER?

WATCHED OVER--

ASS ISTED BY M I NOR M I RACLES FROM TIME TO TIME

GIVEN SMALL H EAVEN LY AI DS

WHEN THE S ITUATION CALLS FOR THEM.

GETTING IT, MR. BEVIS?

WATCH ED OVER.

NOW TODAY YOU HAD

A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE TIME.

YOU WERE FIRED

FROM WHAT WAS YOUR 1 1 TH JOB IN 1 8 MONTHS.

MR. PECKIN PAUG H DIDN'T LIKE ZITHER MUSIC.

I CAN'T SAY I BLAME HIM FOR THAT

BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.

I CAN RECONSTITUTE THE WHOLE DAY, MR. BEVIS,

SO THAT ITS F I NAL UPSHOT

WILL BE EXACTLY OPPOS ITE TO WHAT IT WAS.

SO LET'S GO BACK TO THIS MORNING

AND START ALL OVER AGAIN, HM?

YOU MEAN, I CAN HAVE THE DAY TO LIVE OVER AGAIN

AND IT WON'T BE THE WAY IT WAS?

DEF IN ITELY NOT. WE'D CHANG E SOME ASPECTS.

IN EVITABLY, WE'D HAVE TO CHANG E

CERTAIN CHARACTERISTICS OF YOUR OWN.

YOUR CLOTH ES, FOR I NSTANCE, MR. BEVIS.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I LOOK LIKE AN U N DERTAKER!

THAT MAY WELL BE.

BUT IF YOU WANT THE DAY TO END DIFFERENTLY

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT YOURSELF.

LET'S GO. THERE ISN'T MUCH TIME.

I WANT TO THANK YOU

FOR TAKING THIS TROUBLE WITH ME

MR. H EM PSTEAD, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

[organ grinder plays East Side, West Side]

HEY!

[dog barks and growIs]

HI, M ICH ELLE.

GOOD MORNING.

U H-U H-U H.

THAT NONSENSE IS FOR THE OLD BEVIS.

YOU ARE THE N EW BEVIS.

[sighs]

COMING, MR. H EM PSTEAD?

OH, YES, YES.

I'M COMING, MR. BEVIS.

M RS. CH ETFIELD--

GOOD MORNING THERE, MR. BEVIS.

LOOK, ABOUT THE RENT--

I FOU N D IT IN THE BOX.

THREE WEEKS IN ADVANCE.

YOU'RE A WON DERFU L, WON DERFU L ROOM ER, MR. BEVIS.

OKAY THERE, BOYS! LET'S GO!

I'M READY, PASS IT RIGHT OVER HERE.

YES, RIGHT THERE, RIGHT IN THERE.

RIGHT THERE...

HEY, TONY! [Iaughs]

HOW ARE YOU, TONY?

WELL, WHERE'S MY APPLE?

FOR FREE, I GIVE-A NOBODY NOTHING.

BANANAS!

BANANAS!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

MY CAR, MY RICKEN BACKER.

CORRECTION. YOU DON'T DRIVE A RICKEN BACKER.

THAT'S YOUR CAR.

THAT LITTLE THING?

WELL, GEE, DO YOU THINK IT F ITS?

MR. BEVIS, LIVE IT UP, WILL YOU?

BUT HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A 1 924 RICKEN BACKER?

MY DEAR BEVIS,

I'VE DRIVEN A CHARIOT WITH 1 1 HORSES.

I'M THE GUY RESPONS I BLE FOR BEN-H U R WINNING.

AND THE OLD RICKEN BACKER WENT OUT WITH THE OLD BEVIS.

YOU'RE A DIFFERENT PERSON NOW!

NO MORE BOW TI ES.

NO MORE ZITHER MUSIC.

NO MORE CH RISTMAS CAROLERS IN THE OFF ICE.

THOUGH THE LATTER I DIOSYNCRASY

M ET WITH SOME APPROVAL FROM THE ORGAN IZATION.

SHALL WE, MR. BEVIS?

[tires screech]

SORRY, PAL.

YOU'LL GET ON TO IT.

LOOK, SOMEBODY CLEARED OFF MY DESK.

NOTHING OF THE KIND.

YOU'LL SEE.

'MORNING. 'MORNING.

MAU DE.

'MORNING. 'MORNING.

MARGARET?

GOOD MORNING, MR. BEVIS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLOCK I WON AT THE CARN IVAL?

WHERE'S THE SH I P I WAS BU I LDING?

WHAT SH I P?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

AH!

GOOD MORNING, BEVIS.

ASSOCIATES-- ASSOCIATES, ONE MOM ENT.

I WANT YOU ALL TO SHARE THIS BIT OF GOOD N EWS.

AS OF THIS MOM ENT, MR. JAMES B.W. BEVIS

HAS BEEN GIVEN A RAISE IN SALARY.

$1 0 A WEEK, STARTING FROM THIS VERY MOMENT.

AND I MIGHT ADD, YOUR WORK HAS BEEN ADM I RABLE.

S I NCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR 1 1 MONTHS

I THINK IT'S TIME YOU GOT A RAISE.

A RAISE, MR. PECKIN PAUG H?

QU ITE RIGHT, BEVIS. QU ITE RIGHT.

WELL, MR. PECKIN PAUG H--

YES, BEVIS?

BUT MR. PECKIN PAUG H, WHAT ABOUT THE ZITHER MUSIC?

WHAT ABOUT THE CH RISTMAS CAROLS?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

MR. BEVIS, YOU NO LONG ER HAVE AN I NTEREST

IN ZITHER MUSIC OR CH RISTMAS CAROLERS

OR ANY OF THAT NONSENSE.

OH.

"OH," WHAT, BEVIS?

NOTHING, NOTHING, MR. PECKIN PAUG H.

AH.

IT--IT LOOKS... N U DE!

IT DOESN'T LOOK DECENT.

I'M GOING TO GO GET A LITTLE AIR.

I GOT A RAISE.

THINGS ARE REALLY LOOKING UP FOR YOU, AREN'T THEY?

YEAH, I GU ESS THEY ARE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH, I'M GOING TO GO OUT AND GET A LITTLE AIR.

OR I MAY GO OVER TO MY PLACE

AND PLAY FOOTBALL WITH THE KIDS IN THE STREET.

MR. BEVIS.

YEAH?

THEY WON'T PLAY WITH YOU.

U H, NOT ANYMORE.

YOU'RE NOT THE SAME BEVIS.

I SEE.

BEVIS!

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE LEVEL, HM M?

NOW, WHAT IS IT THAT YOUREALLY WANT?

YOU KNOW, FOR A FELLOW LIKE YOU

A $1 0 RAISE IS THE MOST THAT EVEN I CAN GET FOR YOU.

TO USE THE VERNACU LAR, BEVIS

FRANKLY, I DON'T DIG YOU.

I'M USED TO BEVISES WITH BIG DREAMS

G IGANTIC HOPES, FANTASTIC ASP I RATIONS--

MAG ELLAN BEVIS, SAI LING AROUND THE HORN ;

PARN ELL BEVIS, STANDING ALONE IN PARLIAM ENT

TH U N DERING OUT HIS CONVICTIONS ;

G U N N ER LOU BEVIS, SEMPER FIDELIS.

"OVER THE TOP, BOYS.

"NOBODY LIVES FOREVER.

LET'S GO!"

LOOK, MR. H EM PSTEAD,

I DON'T LIKE TO APPEAR U NG RACIOUS

BUT, WELL, THE THINGS I LIKE

THE THINGS I BELIEVE I N, I KNOW THEY'RE ODD

BUT THEY ARE WORTH CONSIDERABLY MORE

THAN $1 0 A WEEK.

SO I'M TO TAKE IT THAT YOU PREFER THE BOW TI E

AND OLD IRONSIDES, HMM?

I'M AFRAI D THAT SEEMS TO BE THE CASE.

YOUREALIZE IT'S GOING TO BE THE WAY IT WAS--

NO JOB, NO CAR, NO PLACE TO LIVE?

WELL, IT'S BEEN THAT WAY BEFORE.

[deep sigh]

IT'S COM PLICATED, IS IT?

HARDLY.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK.

WON'T BE AROUND VERY LONG.

THE CARS WI LL HOOK BUM PERS

JUST AS IT WAS ORDAIN ED THEY SHOU LD.

BETTER GET IT OVER WITH.

HERE COMES PECKIN PAUG H.

THIS TIME HE WON'T BE TALKING ABOUT A RAISE.

IT DOESN'T MAKE A B IT OF DIFFERENCE.

NOT A BIT OF DIFFERENCE.

(Peckinpaugh) WOULD YOU KINDLY TELL THE GENTLEMAN

WHO OCCUPIES THIS MUSEUM AND LIVESTOCK EXHIBIT

THAT I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM

WHEN HE FINALLY DEIGNS TO REPORT TO WORK.

HI, HARRY. HI, GWEN.

HI, MAU DE. HARRI ET.

HI, MARGARET.

MR. BEVIS, MR. PECKIN PAUG H WANTS TO SEE YOU.

OH. THANKS.

YOU FEEL FORTIF I ED NOW, PAL?

I CERTAIN LY DO.

YOU KNOW, I LOST MY JOB TODAY.

AND MY CAR,

AND I WAS EVICTED.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I LOVE ZITHER MUSIC AND MODEL SH I PBU I LDING

AND IF YOU CAN'T BRING KIDS

INTO AN OFF ICE AT CH RISTMASTIME

TO SING CAROLS

THEN WHAT'S THE PO I NT OF BEING ALIVE?

BEATS ME.

WELL, THERE IS NO POINT.

[shouts] NO POINT AT ALL!

NOW, I'M GONNA GO OUT

AND TRY TO F IN D MYSELF ANOTHER JOB,

AND I'M GONNA F IN D MYSELF AN APARTM ENT,

AND THEN I'M GONNA START F IN ISHING OLD IRONSIDES

FOR A LITTLE KI D, EIGHT YEARS OLD, WITH A DIRTY FACE

WHO HAPPENS TO LOVE MODEL SH I PBU I LDING

JUST THE SAME AS I DO.

$5.00, PAL.

STILL WITH ME, HUH, MR. H EM PSTEAD?

OFFICER, OFFICER, U M...

YOUR CAR, MISTER?

WELL, I-I-I...

WE TAKE A DI M VI EW OF PARKING

IN FRONT OF A HYDRANT.

STILL WITH ME, HUH, MR. H EM PSTEAD?

(Hempstead) STILL WITH YOU, MR. BEVIS.

STILL WITH YOU.

[backfires]

(male narrator) MR. JAMES B.W. BEVIS,

WHO BELIEVES IN A MAGIC ALL HIS OWN

THE MAGIC OF A CHILD'S SMILE.

THE MAGIC OF LIKING AND BEING LIKED.

THE STRANGE AND WONDROUS MYSTICISM

THAT IS A SIMPLE ACT OF LIVING.

MR. JAMES B.W. BEVIS, SPECIE OF 20th CENTURY MALE,

WHO HAS HIS OWN PRIVATE AND SPECIAL TWILIGHT ZONE.

(male presenter) ROD SERLING, THE CREATOR OF TWILIGHT ZONE,

WILL TELL YOU ABOUT NEXT WEEK'S STORY

AFTER THIS WORD FROM OUR ALTERNATE SPONSOR.

AND NOW, MR. SERLING.

NEXT WEEK, YOU'LL SEE OU R FRIENDS HERE,

ALONG WITH AN N E FRANCIS AND ELIZABETH ALLEN

IN ONE OF THE STRANG EST STORI ES

WE'VE YET PRESENTED ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

IT'S CALLED THE AFTER HOURS

AND CONCERNS THE SHADOWY TIME

WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE GO BACK TO THEIR HOM ES

AND CONCU RRENTLY, WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE

WHO ARE PERHAPS NOT QU ITE SO NORMAL

OR PERHAPS NOT QU ITE SO HUMAN.

I NTRIG UING? I THINK YOU'LL F IN D IT SO,

NEXT WEEK, ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

[eerie music]

(male presenter, off) KIMBERLY CLARK INVITES YOU

TO WATCH STEVE MCQUEEN

IN WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.

SATURDAY NIGHTS OVER MOST OF THESE SAME STATIONS.