Original subtitles

You're traveling through another dimension

a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind

a journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop, the twilight zone.

Uniquely american institution known as the neighborhood bar.

Reading left to right are mr. Anthony o'toole, proprietor

who waters his drinks like geraniums

but who stands four-square for peace and quiet

and for booths for ladies.

This is mr. Joseph j. Callahan, an unregistered bookie

whose entire life is any sporting event

with two sides and a set of odds.

His idea of a meeting at the summit is any dialogue

between a catcher and pitcher with more than one man on base.

And this animated citizen is every anonymous bettor

who ever dropped rent money

on a horse race or prize fight or a floating crap game

and who took out his frustrations and his insolvency

on any vulnerable fellow barstool companion

within arm's and fist's reach.

And this is mr. Luther dingle, a vacuum cleaner salesman

whose volume of business is roughly that

of a valet at a hobo convention.

He's a consummate failure in almost everything

but is a good listener and has a prominent jaw.

Don't give me that, callahan.

I don't pay off on a bum call.

Three umpires call the man out.

I call the man out.

60,000 fans call the man out.

The final score was pittsburgh 3, dodgers nothing.

You and i got an even bet, pal.

I happened to have the pirates.

You got the dodgers.

So you owe me five dollars.

The ball was foul when it hit him

so instead of an out, it was a foul ball.

So who's to say there wouldn't have been a man on base?

And when pignatano got a single a run would have scored.

And furthermore, callahan,

you're nothing but a cheating insult to the american bookie.

I'll give you five seconds to take back that innuendo.

Callahan, i told you once before already.

You start another brawl in here

and i'm going to fix that mouth of yours

so any future drinking you'll do

is gonna be through a tube stuck in a vein.

Me? Why me? Tell it to the troublemaker.

The number-one welcher

of all the western states sitting over here.

His father owes my father from the second dempsey-tunney fight.

Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?

Mainly on account of it was a bum call.

Hey, buddy, did you see the tunney fight?

You remember the referee with the long count?

The guy was knocked clear out of the ring.

You could have gone up in the stands, got a can of beer

engaged in a little conversation

come back, sit down in your seat

and the referee still wasn't finished counting.

Now, i ask you, how about that?

I ask you, how about it?

Me?

Yeah, yeah, you.

Did you watch the game on television last night?

You talk about bum calls.

Duke snider was up

and it was in the ninth inning.

Two men were out.

Howard and moon were on first and second.

And this umpire with no pupils in his eyes

calls a foul ball an out. Did you see it?

) as a matter of fact i did watch the game on television.

Exceptional defensive play, exceptional.

Abner d-d-doubleday would have been proud.

Never mind about abner doubleday.

I'm willing to leave it up to you.

Was it a foul ball or was it an out?

It appears to me that the ball fell into fair territory

and therefore when striking the ground

and hitting the batter

the rules very definitely state the batter was out.

You asked the man, you got an answer.

Of course you realize, pal

that you're calling me a liar.

Now, i'm not an unreasonable man

so i'm going to give you

one more chance.

Was it a foul ball

or was it an out?

Well, it's my considered opinion...

how's come you got to always be hitting dingle?

You hit him last week, you him the week before.

A man can only stand so much.

I'm tired of this guy contradicting me.

And when a guy calls me a liar

there's my honor to be considered.

Your honor?

You've got nothing in line in you

from the bottom of your arches

to where you part your hair

which is pretty tough to find.

And when you die

they'll have to screw you in the ground.

Am i crooked?

You got to believe me.

Am i crooked?

Dingle, dingle, for once...

for once, why can't you be neutral?

Am i crooked?

Why don't you tell the man?

Wait a minute, back off.

Are you serious about this?

And these two unseen gentlemen are visitors from outer space.

They're about to alter the destiny of luther dingle

by leaving him a legacy

the kind you can't hardly find no more.

In just a moment, a sad-faced, perennial punching bag

who missed even the caboose of life's gravy train

will take a short constitutional

into that most unpredictable region

that we refer to as the twilight zone.

This man don't know the first thing about baseball.

If anybody can tell me

the phillies deserved

winning the pennant that year

they're out of their minds.

You sure we're invisible?

Beyond any doubt.

I wish they were.

You don't have to do that.

You don't even have to answer.

Just because he don't like the phillies...

let me tell him.

You have a brain of your own, don't you?

You have your own viewpoint.

What did you think of the phillies of 1953?

Phillies... 1953?

That's right.

That's right, phillies of 1953.

You ever see such jerky-looking creatures?

And one head yet.

Typical earthmen.

Not really though. The one in the middle,

the one who just suffered the physical damage

he may be the one we've been looking for.

How do you mean?

Silence, i'm receiving his waves.

Name is dingle, abject coward

does not even possess what earth creatures call minimum muscles.

Decidedly a sub-physical type.

I think we have found our subject.

You intend to give him the additional strength?

We haven't found anyone weaker, have we?

I believe he will be an exceptional subject.

Give him around 11 secograms atomic weight.

That should make him roughly 300 times stronger

than the average human being.

Yes, i think that will do it.

We had better contact central laboratories

tell them we have found a subject.

In other words, you're telling me

that you thought robin roberts had more stuff

than clem levine?

Well, to be frank and candid

those two men, as good as they both are

and all things being equal...

come on already, take your pick.

Roberts?

For the last time.

You start one more roughhouse in here

and i won't let you come back.

Now, look what you've done.

How you feeling, dingle?

C-c-clem l-l-l-levine was definitely superior.

You see? All i made him do

was see things clearer.

I can observe him now.

Let him have it.

How about it, dingle?

How you doing?

Definitely clem levine.

Dingle, would you mind

a little advice?

Now, the whole world is full of guys

that are going to get punched in the nose

no matter who they pick in a ball game

who they vote for.

Now, you want to know my advice

for what you should do

for the rest of your life?

Just don't talk, just nod.

Somebody asks you who you like in the third

you just smile.

Understand, dingle?

What's the matter?

It's very odd.

What's odd?

I... i feel f-f-funny.

Funny?

Yeah.

Wonder what caused that?

Caused what?

Well, this vacuum cleaner, it's...

light as a feather.

Not that the machine isn't right.

No, sir, it's the lightest on the market.

Yes, sir, i tell you

it's a handy-dandy piece of merchandise.

Guaranteed to lighten the load and lengthen the life

of that partner in the home, th-th-the housewife.

But i didn't know it was this light.

Dingle, i always figured you

for a nice guy.

You never caused me no trouble.

Now why all of a sudden you got to wreck my front door?

Mr. O'toole, i'm mystified.

I'm absolutely mystified.

This door seemed to come right off in my hand.

You here again?

Didn't my old man say

he was gonna punch you in the nose

if you came around here bothering us again?

You're quite right.

It's the wrong number.

I was headed across the street.

Now that's not the best of all possible manners, is it?

Aw, go peddle your vacuum cleaners, you creep

and throw me my ball back.

All right, run out for the pass.

Hey, mister, where'd you learn to fling a ball like that?

Why, i don't know. I really don't...

what is happening?

What on earth is happening to me?

Taxi, taxi, please. Thank you.

Oh, believe me, this is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.

They don't make handles like they used to, do they?

Oh, i'm sorr...

excuse me, miss.

Yes.

I don't want you to think i'm a masher.

I'm certainly not a masher.

But would you mind answering a question?

That depends.

Well, what i mean is looking at me

in a perfunctory, cursory first surveil

do i appear abnormal in any way?

Not at all.

Not unless you plan to use that in the park.

Oh, that.

Do you know that up until a few hours ago

i sold those.

Or i went through the motions.

I was a very bad salesman.

Miserable.

You know, last week

i only made 89 cents in commissions.

That was for an attachment.

It's the upholstery nozzle.

And i sold it to a drunk

who thought it was a divining rod for alcohol.

Oh, i fully expect to be fired

but that is the least of my trouble.

Would you be interested

in hearing the most of my worries?

Go ahead.

Watch.

You see?

Now, w-w-watch this.

Hey, buddy, i'm a reporter with thebulletin.

Would you mind doing that again?

With the rock?

That's right.

Incidentally, what's the gag?

There's no gag, see?

Get another one of those.

This i got to get in the paper.

Goodness.

Mr. Dingle, if what we hear is true

do you realize how much money can be made

on a tour with our carnival?

Mr. Dingle, this is a con artist.

Your future lies in television.

You're the walking, talking embodiment

of every american male's wish fulfillment.

You're john q. Citizen.

You're babbitt, you're tom, dick and harry.

Now here's our idea for the series.

A simple 15-minute address by you

with little examples of your physical prowess.

It's a natural for breakfast cereals

tonics, vitamin pills, anything.

And i keep telling you

you line up with me

i'll get you some easy setups.

Inside of eight months

i'll have you fighting

for the world championship.

That's so ridiculous.

Would the people surrounding mr. Dingle

just get out of the way, please.

Out of the way.

The camera in there and that light there and...

hello, there, friends.

Jason abernathy here with your show, tv probes the unusual.

And our unusual subject today is mr. Luther dingle

who, if what actual onlookers say is true

is the world's strongest man.

Mr. Dingle...

mr. Dingle, would you care to give us an example

of this fantastic alleged strength of yours?

I'd be ha-happy to.

Is it all right, mr. O'toole if i...

are you kidding?

I ain't done so much business

since the night they repealed the 18th amendment.

Be my guest, mr. Dingle.

First, i'd like to start with simple things.

Wonderful.

Wait a minute, dingle.

Ain't you ever heard of bygones being bygones?

That's amazing.

Bravo!

Had enough?

Most inferior.

We give him the strength of 300 men

and he uses it for petty exhibition.

Give him 20 or 30 seconds more

then remove the power.

Excellent idea.

And i think we should be off.

Three planets on tomorrow's itinerary.

One should be particularly interesting-

contains only females.

And now, ladies...

and now, ladies and gentlemen

i believe the most unique trick of all

i shall raise this entire building with my bare hands.

What? Raise the building?

He can't do that.

I don't believe it.

I don't know.

He seems to have lost it.

He's a fake, that's what he is.

I feel sorry for him.

Poor little guy

he's lost his belief.

He's a sad little man, isn't he?

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

All right, leave off of poor dingle here.

Now, come on, everybody out of here.

Come on, beat it.

Ladies and gentlemen

you have this station's abject apology.

We didn't realize that it was a trick... obviously...

well, we're off the air...

for good, i think.

So long, hercules.

Bring that thing out of here.

How are you, fellas?

Nice seeing you.

Where are you from?

Venus. How about you?

Mars. Conducting experiments?

Yeah, and you?

Sudden introduction of strength

to subnormal earthman.

How about you?

Sudden introduction of extreme intelligence.

Find any interesting subjects?

That one over there.

He's referred to as a dingle.

He certainly is sub-physical.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's sub-mental, too.

Looks likely enough.

Give him the intelligence quota ray.

How strong?

Make it about...

let's see.

Perhaps 500 times more intelligent

than the average human.

Roebuck's ready.

Here's the pitch.

High and outside.

He couldn't hit the length of the bat.

I'll lay you five to one he gets on.

Logan? Are you out of your mind?

Hey, hey, dingle.

What about it?

What will he do?

Various factors are brought into play here

involving the laws of probability

interspersed with the process of calculus

fenaglian laws of chance and the subdivisional grepple

which is based on the position of bodies

in mathematical relationship to other bodies.

Now, in this case, using the two factors

represented by the divisions involved

i think that the batter will unquestionably hit a home run.

A home run by johnny logan.

Holy mackerel!

How about that?

Light.

...two to one.

A tremendous blow over the left-field fence.

Now, it appears to me it is apparent

in a mathematical plan

that the entire quantum theory

of space and time relativity

must have been equated with the parellelian role

of definitive numerical dialectic algebraic

and must be further annotated...

exit mr. Luther dingle, formerly vacuum cleaner salesman

strongest man on earth, and now mental giant.

These latter powers will likely be eliminated before too long

but mr. Dingle has an appeal

to extra-terrestrial note-takers

as well as to frustrated and insolvent bet-losers.

Offhand, i'd say

he was in for a great deal of extremely odd periods

simply because there are so many inhabited planets

who send down observers

and also because of course mr. Dingle lives his life

with one foot in his mouth and the other in the twilight zone.

Rod serling, the creator ofthe twilight zone

will tell you about next week's story

after this word from our alternate sponsor.

And now, mr. Serling.

A radio.

A carryover from that other era

when quiz shows went up to only $64

and entertainment was aimed only at the ears.

Mr. Charles beaumont has given us

a most unusual story called "static."

We invite you to watch mr. Dean jagger

fiddle with a few of these knobs, change a few stations

and find a couple of programs

that are broadcast only in the twilight zone.

Captioned by media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org

see the newandy griffith show each week

over most of these stations.

Consult local listings.