Original subtitles

You're traveling through another dimension-

a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind.

A journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop, the twilight zone.

A honey from hunnicut!

Drive it in good health!

Too much power, eh?

We're just looking.

Well, that's what we want you to do.

Nobody pushes you around here.

No, sir, young man.

Around here, you can pause, exhale, check, recheck,

think, peruse, contemplate,

wade through, thumb over, dip into.

Be my guest, folks.

We were thinking of maybe a little coupe-

something around $500-

but as late a model as we can...

late?

You shock me, you know that?

You know your husband shocked me just then?

Well, he was only...

do you know why you shocked me?

I'll tell you why you shocked me.

It's because you've succumbed

to the propaganda of every cement-headed clod

up and down this street.

I said propaganda.

They like to push the late models,

don't they?

They do, don't they?

You know why they push the late models?

You think it's because they're honest,

law-abiding, rigidly moral churchgoers?

Let me tell you something, young man.

They push...

they push the late models

because that is where the profit margin is.

They'll cram those post-'54s down your gullet

because they would rather make a buck than a friend.

They would rather make a profit

than a relationship.

They would rather cram their wallets

full of cash

than fill their hearts with the fellowship

of men to men.

We're really just looking

for a good transportation car,

and we thought the newer the car...

new? That's where you've completely gone wrong.

That's where you've suddenly gone amiss.

That's the juncture that's headed you into a blind alley.

You don't want a new car.

You don't want one of those rinky-dink,

slapped-together on an assembly line,

covered with chintzy chrome,

fin tails, idiotic names and no more workmanship

than you can stick into a thimble.

No.

I'll tell you what you want.

You want the craftsmanship that comes with age

the dependability of proven performers

the dignity of traditional transportation.

This is what you want.

A '38 coupe.

It'll get you where you want to go.

It'll get you back.

This, as the banner already has proclaimed

is mr. Harvey hunnicut-

an expert on commerce and con jobs

a brash, bright and larceny- loaded wheeler and dealer

who when the good lord passed out a conscience

must have gone for a beer and missed out.

And these are a couple of other characters-

a little old man in a model-a car

but not just any old man and not just any model-a.

There's something very special about them.

In a few moments, they'll give harvey hunnicut something

that he's never experienced before.

Through the good offices of a little magic

they will unload on mr. Hunnicut

the absolute necessity to tell the truth.

Where they come from is conjecturable

but as to where they're heading, this we know:

Because all of them and you are on the threshold

of the twilight zone.

And did you know that the original prototype

of this car was the mark ii tank?

When you go down the freeway, everybody else, out of the way!

Where the gearshift is used to be the cannon.

Now, why don't you and i sit down and talk turkey

because this baby is the one you're going to buy.

This baby is the one that you're going to drive off...

well, first of all...

could we look it over a bit?

Look!

Here, sit in it.

Get the feel of it.

Relish in the luxury.

See how they built cars in the days

when cars were really built!

Come on, young fellow!

You, too, madam.

Park yourself in there

and enjoy it to your heart's content.

Boy, you know what you really should have

when you sit in a car like this?

Candlelight, a bottle of good wine

because this baby here has dignity.

Relax for a minute, i'll be right back.

Oh, how do you do.

Well, that depends, grandpa.

If you came here to park this

i'll just charge you nominal rates

but if you're here to sell it

you'll have to give me

three and a half minutes for my little laugh.

I'll give you 15 bucks for it.

Any junkman will give you 12.

The smithsonian might top us both by a buck or two.

It's a wonderful old car

and they built them better in the old days, i think.

Ah, grandfather dear

that is the old rhubarb, the saw

the turkey everybody and his brother

is trying to pull on the open market.

Cars were built better in the old days, ha!

Ten years ago

they didn't know how to build cars.

Now it's the new cars that sell.

Don't mind these.

It's the new cars that sell.

It's the new cars that run.

It's the new cars

that combine the genius of mind, muscle

and the assembly line.

Oh, please...

but i'll tell you what i'll do for you

because i love your face.

You remind me of my own grandfather

rest his soul, a man of dignity

down through his declining years

until he died rescuing a capsized boatload of people

on the east river.

I'll give you 25 bucks for it.

Probably have to tear it down

sell it wheel by wheel, bolt by bolt

to any itinerant junkman that comes around

but 25 i'll go.

$25?

Mm-hmm.

I kind of need the money

but couldn't you make it 30?

You try me, old friend.

What does that mean?

That means that 25 is going, going...

that means that 25 is... gone!

There we are.

Ten, 20, and 25.

There we are.

Now, i'll tell you what you do.

You go in that little office there.

You take your car registration papers

with you, and hold it...

did i say car?

Vehicle, hmm.

Now, here, hmm.

Comfy?

Signed, sealed and delivered, mr. Uh...

hunnicut.

Oh, yes, and here are the keys.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, mr. Hunnicut.

There is one other small item

i ought to mention to you about the car.

Do, do.

It's haunted.

Haunted?

You don't say.

Oh, yes, without a doubt.

The car is quite haunted.

It's been haunted

ever since it came off the assembly line

and every single one of its owners

can attest to this fact.

Well, now, i don't suppose

you'd mind telling me how it's haunted, hmm?

You sign right there.

Or how i can un-haunt it?

Oh, you'll find out soon enough.

I will.

As for un-haunting it

you'll have to sell the car.

Oh.

Well, good day, mr. Hunnicut.

It's been a real pleasure.

Likewise, likewise.

I think you may find

that you have actually gotten the best of the bargain at that.

My ancient friend, you do me the ultimate injustice.

Our little transaction, haunted or otherwise

was my charity case for the day.

You dwell on that, will you?

Dwell on it.

No, no, no, mr. Hunnicut.

You dwell on it.

And i rather think you will.

Well?

How much is it?

It's not for sale.

Why not?

Uh... well, i don't know.

This car we were just sitting in.

That's the one you were pushing.

Yeah, sure.

I... i guess i'm not pushing it anymore.

This is a wreck, it's a rum-dum.

It...

oh... it hasn't got any points, it hasn't got any rings

it hasn't got any plugs

and it'll leak gasoline like it owns every oil well in texas.

But the tires...

are very bad, and the chassis's been bent

and if i said anything about it being a runabout

why, i meant it would run about a block and then stop.

And it'll cost you double what you pay for it

when you start taking it in for repairs

and you'll start taking it in for repairs

every third thursday of the month.

Well, what else have you got?

Oh, what else, well...

i... i'll...

i haven't anything else worthwhile to show you.

Everything in this lot should have been condemned years ago.

I got more lemons per square foot

than a fruit grower in salinas.

And what you ought to do

you ought to hit one of those reputable places

and get what you pay for, and something you really like

but, uh, you shouldn't come around here anymore.

Okay.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Oh, hey...

never mind.

Let's go look at television sets.

Sorry, i'm late, boss.

I was down at the junkyard

checking on the '34 chevy wheel discs.

I found four of them.

Hey, what's the action, boss?

Hmm?

Oh, things are a little quiet around...

irv, you won't believe what i...

nah, you won't...

hey, how about trying to move that '35 essex?

Move it is right.

It won't get anywhere under its own power.

All right, knock it down to 55

tell everybody it's a museum piece, last of its kind.

And look!

You keep that hood closed, you dope!

How many time i gotta tell you...

when you got an engine you can't see for rust

you gotta play a little hide-and-seek.

You don't go advertising the fact

you're trying to job a car

that carried french soldiers to the first battle of the marne.

Now listen, irv, i...

...want you to put a sign on the car

that says it's for sale as is, no guarantees

and i...

think you better open up

both sides of the hood

so they can get a better look at the engine.

You want to sell it or keep it for an heirloom?

What's the matter...

do i look all right to you, irv?

What did you have for dinner?

No, no, this is nuts.

This is power of suggestion or something.

Hey, that old gleep that sold me

that model-a, a real nutsy.

Gave me a song and dance

about a haunted car.

You get that?

Haunted car.

And i was stupid enough

to stand there and listen to him.

What i should have done was call up the local hatch

reserved a rubber room for him.

Honey, this is your ever-loving.

Now, look, baby about tonight

i'm going to be a little late.

Well, it's inventory time.

Look, i told you it was inventory time.

What i'm going to be doing tonight is i...

i'm going to be playing poker with the boys

and when i told you it was inventory time last month

i was playing poker with the boys then.

You were doing what!

Honey, don't listen to me!

This is nuts, i'm sick or something.

Look, what i'm really going to be doing tonight

is i'm... going to be playing poker with the boys.

What is this?

Am i crazy or something?

I got no control over what i'm saying.

I got no control...

irv...

i'm in the midst of a calamity.

That old gleep i was telling you about

the one who said that car was haunted...

he was right.

Whoever owns that car has to tell the truth.

Hey, irv, you dig?

Did you ever hear anything more ghastly?

Me... harvey hunnicut

from now on, as long as i own that car

i have to tell the truth.

Well, here are the signs you wanted, boss.

Yeah.

I've heard of low pressure before, boss

but let's face it- this is no pressure.

Irv, you know my wife isn't speaking to me.

Would that that were your only worry, boss.

You haven't moved a car off the lot in three days.

I know.

That old lady who came in yesterday afternoon

to buy that old auburn... i mean, let's level now.

How do you start a sales pitch by telling the customer

that if the car was one year older

moses could have driven it across the red sea?

There's a limit to honesty, boss!

Irving, i...

i used to feel that way myself.

I hate to bother you now, boss

but it's that thing about my raise.

Your raise?

Well, it's six months today

i don't want to bug you, but you promised.

You said that in six months if i'd sold three cars,

that you would turn...

oh. Yeah, well, sure.

When i... i...

the day you get more money out of me,

it'll be below zero in the fijis.

Every yokel who works here

starts and stops at the same salary.

I only dangle that raise in front of them

just as long as it takes them to get wise.

Irv... irv...

for you to get more money out of me

would be just about as easy as...

pouring hot butter into a wildcat's ear.

Irv, that hurt me more than it did you.

Correction.

This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.

What's your pleasure, sir?

Oh, luther grimbley here.

Honest luther grimbley.

30 years in politics, currently up for reelection.

Alderman, 13th ward.

You've probably heard of me.

Delighted.

Something nice in a model-a?

Beautiful, isn't it?

That depends.

If you take 12 aspirin and shut your eyes tight

you might call it beautiful.

But in the cold light of day, son

it's a wreck.

What about its condition?

Well, let me tell you one thing...

the block's cracked.

Block cracked?

Block cracked.

What else?

You can see for yourself.

You take a good look at these tires.

The rubber's shot.

Yeah, sure is.

Might be good for a few years

not many, though.

Many?

This car is living on borrowed time.

What... what's she worth?

Oh...

i mean assuming some clod who wanted a real bum car

to use for a gag or something

maybe... uh... 50 bucks?

50 bucks!

All right, maybe 60.

Why not 30?

You don't understand, do you?

This is a bad car, you see.

It's a lemon.

Lemon?

Why you dirty dog, you.

You clever son of a gun.

That's the truth.

That's the absolute truth.

I've seen all kinds of routines

all kinds of routines

but you clever little cookie, you.

This is the old reverse english, isn't it?

The old twister-oo?

Why you sharp-shooting, sharpie!

You knew i wanted it, didn't you?

You little devil you!

You knew i wanted it.

I'll tell you what.

I'll give you 25 bucks for it.

On account of it's good politics to drive an old car.

Makes people think you're not getting rich off of them.

25 bucks!

How about 22�?

Huh?

I didn't notice the dent in the fender.

Oh.

I mean $22.50, the car and no strings.

No, uh, strings?

You better trot out the strings, buddy boy.

Trot out the strings.

I want to know what i'm getting.

Well, $22.50, the car as is, and, uh...

and, uh, what?

Uh... well... uh... the car's haunted.

Haunted?

The car is haunted?

So it's haunted.

I swear, you're the cleverest cookie in the...

you ought to be in politics.

Haunted?

How is it haunted?

Well, whoever owns it has to tell the truth.

Whoever owns it has to tell the truth?

The whole truth, and the only way

he can stop telling the truth is to sell the car.

How about this baby?

That's no baby.

That's a great-grandfather.

Hasn't got any transmission, no rear end, no axle.

That one's shot.

That's the goods, is it?

You have to tell the truth, don't you?

That's it.

That's the reason for the song and dance.

You have to tell the truth.

Well, what about the model-a?

I mean, in spite of the fact that it's haunted

it's, it's still a swell... conversation piece.

For some people, maybe

but not for old, honest luther grimbley.

Buddy boy, i'm in politics.

When you tell me

i got to start telling the truth all the time

holy hanna!

You know something?

I couldn't make a single political speech.

I couldn't run for office again.

Now why don't you sell this car

to boss ryan over at 12th ward.

I'd love to hear him tell the truth just once.

Or the mayor, the mayor!

Why don't you...?

Hey, why not even to this guy, huh?

Who?

This fella?

Say, that's not a bad idea.

If you could get him to tell the truth

that might be the greatest gag

of all time.

Yeah...

why not, huh?

Oh, boy!

That would be...

your reasoning seems valid, mr. Hunnicut.

It's your motives that we're concerned...

don't worry about my motives.

I bought the car for 25 bucks

i'm selling it for 25.

Talk it over with your boss.

I believe we'll accept your terms, mr. Hunnicut.

You say $25 american money.

25 american dollars.

I got the papers.

Now, this is the bill of sale

the transfer of title, the car registration.

Have your boss sign all three of them on the dotted lines there.

I'm empowered to handle the signatures myself.

Oh, no, no.

The boss has to sign them, you dig?

The boss, the boss has to sign them.

A sort of memento or souvenir, is that it?

Uh, yeah, something like that.

Well, i'll see what i can do.

Here we are.

And here is the money.

25 american dollars.

You lucky dog, you.

You got a million bucks worth of propaganda here

you know that?

Now all you have to do

is to try to tell your folks

that this is the kind of a car

the average american drives.

You try and tell them that.

These are your copies, these are mine.

That does it.

Your boss is now the new owner of this car.

Drive it right off, buddy boy.

You drive it right off.

Is this the living end!

And i got his signature right here.

Nikita khrushchev.

Uh, long distance?

Operator, say, if an american citizen

has something real important in the way of news...

uh, well...

i mean if it affects the foreign policy of the united states...

well, what i'd really like to know is...

can you get me through to jack kennedy?

Couldn't happen you say?

Far-fetched, way out, tilt-of-center?

Possible, but the next time you buy an automobile

if it happens to look

as if it's gone through the battle of the marne

and the seller is ready to throw into the bargain one of his arms

be particularly careful in explaining to the boss

about your grandmother's funeral

when you were actually at chavez ravine watching the dodgers.

It'll be a fact that you're the proud possessor

of an instrument of truth

manufactured and distributed by an exclusive dealer

in the twilight zone.

Rod serling, creator ofthe twilight zone

will tell you about next week's story

after this word from our alternate sponsor.

And now, mr. Serling.

Next week, we bring you a show called "the invaders"

written by mr. Richard matheson.

And in this room you'll watch miss agnes moorehead

in a tension-riddled attempt at escape

from a pair of very improbable housebreakers.

This one we recommend to science fiction buffs, fantasy lovers

or to anyone who wants to grip the edge of his seat

and take a 24-minute trip into the realm of terror.

Captioned by media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org

? please, please don't be a litterbug?

? 'cause every litter bit hurts.?