Original subtitles

[ knocking on door ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ dog barking ]

♪♪♪

LIBBY: Toby Fleishman awoke in the middle of the night

to the sound of knocking at the door.

[ barking and knocking continue ]

TOBY: Bubbles, keep it down.

Hey, who is it?

LIBBY: It's me. Open the door.

What's going on? What time is it?

I have to talk to you. What?

Did you, like, not go home or something?

No, I have to talk to you. Your phone was off.

Sorry, keep it down. The kids are sleeping.

I saw her. Who? I don't understand.

I saw Rachel. You --

Yeah.

What?

You did? Jesus.

After I -- After I left here,

I went downtown, just to --

I don't know, to, like, walk around, and I saw her.

Just -- Just, like, sitting there on a park bench.

Hm. I'm surprised, honestly --

And so I told him what happened.

I told him about Rachel, where she was, where she'd been.

It was like seeing a ghost.

I'd left her that evening with her sleeping

and a doctor's appointment scheduled for the next morning.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Hm.

So that's it?

That's it?

Yeah.

I have work in a few hours, Lib.

Sorry, did you hear what I just said?

Mm-hmm.

That I saw Rachel and she was in the park and --

No, I heard you, yeah. But we all knew she was around.

I mean, she was napping in the park.

She was fucking her best friend's husband.

She was bound to turn up. It's a small town.

No, Toby, she had a nervous breakdown.

I know. It sounds stressful.

Okay, alright.

I gotta get the kids to camp in the morning.

I also have a new boss and a patient

that's going off life support today, so --

I'm sorry, what is -- what is happening right now? Huh?

She had a nervous breakdown.

That's where she's been.

She didn't abandon her kids.

Yeah, of course she did. Where is she?

I mean, she's not here. I don't see her, do you?

Sure, but she had a nervous breakdown.

Yeah, I know! I heard you!

She had a nervous breakdown. You don't have to say it again.

She needs help, Toby.

She can hire help.

She -- Wh--Who are you?

Seriously, who am I talking to right now?

Th-This is the mother of your children.

Yes, exactly, but she is not my wife anymore, okay?

She has, like, no relation to me.

I don't have to care about her. She's, like, not my problem.

She's not your problem? No.

Oh, my God.

Remember, it's divorce that means

never having to say you're sorry.

That was funny. Yeah.

What? You know what?

I've been through her breakdowns, Libby.

Do not worry about her, okay?

She'll make it work for her.

She'll -- She'll come back monetizing the whole thing.

She'll run a bank by the time she's done with this.

I don't think that you understand, okay? Yeah.

She's lost time.

Like, full weeks.

She's lost everything. She didn't lose anything.

She lost, like, a client,

and she spent a few extra days at a spa

when her best friend's husband decided to stop fucking her.

You know what? You're right. Sorry. I'll make her a lasagna.

Toby, Jesus!

Hey, you were supposed to be on my side, okay?

You were supposed to be my friend. I am your friend!

Yeah? Well, you're waking me up in the middle of the night

to tell me this now that I finally found a way

to move on with, like, my sad, broken children.

Because she had a nervous breakdown!

Hey! Yeah, I said stop saying that!

Okay, fine, I won't use that word, okay?

What do you want me to say? She can't handle her life.

She's -- She's -- She's collapsed.

She can't take care of her own children

because she needs to put her own fucking oxygen mask on first.

Actually, actually that thing about oxygen masks

is about airplanes, alright?

It's really about adult tolerance

for oxygen deprivation. It's not, like, a metaphor.

It's not supposed to be, like, a lifestyle.

I'm so s-- I'm just, like, shocked right now.

I am not gonna be the prisoner of my mistakes.

This is what our ancestors died for, the right

for us to be middle-aged and bored and miserable.

Yeah, and shocked. Okay.

I'm going back to bed.

Go home, Libby.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I could tell you what happened to Toby then.

I could tell you that the next morning,

when he arrived back at the hospital

to meet with the committees

over Karen Cooper's brain activity

and to help David Cooper move toward a decision,

he was full of remorse for his anger at the poor guy.

What had happened to Toby to make him so cold-hearted

that he would lash out at a man

who had just effectively lost his wife?

All he could think was that he was never like that before.

But also, he had to leave room for the fact that maybe he was.

Maybe, like the Wilson's itself,

everything we are is dormant and inside us all along.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

What I could tell you is that

Toby was always reactive and angry

and ready to blame everyone else for his problems.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

And he was also someone who held even

the unpreventable failures in his heart,

and who did not ever let a basic

and consistent fact of his job,

which was death, become regular to him.

♪♪♪

[ sobbing ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I could tell you that in his darkest recesses,

Toby had some relief that he got to keep his job

the way that it was,

that he fundamentally didn't understand

why you would have to stop doing what you loved

in order to get ahead

when it felt like it was ahead to do what you loved.

Hi, how are we all doing today?

Alright, Dr. Fleishman.

[ indistinct conversation ]

I could tell you that Toby was focusing

on making good on his promises to his children.

And so... Mm-hmm.

...the way the world looks is different

depending on how you look at it. Mm-hmm.

The electron cloud is uncertain,

but the nucleus is always fixed. Right.

Which means it's always in the same place.

It's the things around it that move around.

Now, sir, please look into the stereoscope.

Okay.

There are two realities.

There's the cloud of electrons surrounding the nucleus,

which is the solution of the Schroedinger equation.

That's the box they're in.

There's the physical locations of each individual electron,

which can only be determined by measuring them

directly by opening the box,

and both things are true.

And that is what I want to say about superposition.

That is so good.

That is so good.

Do you think I'll win?

I can't imagine anyone has anything better thought out

or a smarter, harder-working son.

That is excellent work.

Oof, Jesus.

I could tell you that he never got the blinds fixed,

and despite three separate calls to the super,

the air conditioner was still broken.

Dad, we're gonna be late!

What? For what? Oh, crap. Solly, here.

Solly, come on. We have to go.

Come on. Come on. Okay.

[ indistinct conversation ]

RABBI TURKO: Sorry I'm late.

Class went over a few minutes.

No, of course. Of course. Thank you.

Hannah, how are you doing with your haftarah?

Cantor Timberman says you're doing very nicely on it.

Oh, yeah, she's been studying every day.

Really? Mm-hmm.

You don't hear that a lot.

So what we can do is just go over some logistics.

I know that you're going to want to bestow honors on your family,

opening the ark, aliyah to the Torah, etcetera.

I know you're planning on speaking?

Mm-hmm.

And Rachel, too, I presume?

That is still a question.

Okay.

Hannah, do you understand that you are engaging

in a tradition that goes back thousands of years?

You are accepting the yoke of responsibility

for your family and your community

and all the commandments of the Torah,

and you're taking it upon yourself

that it is your turn to try and fix this world.

The world is upside down right now,

and we need all the smart, thinking girls to help fix it.

Right, okay.

And you're gonna carry this torch

for all of the Fleishmans

and all of the Jewish people.

TOBY: Mm-hmm.

Right.

Well, then, I think we're set.

I think I'm not gonna do this.

Hm? Hannah?

I don't think I should do this.

Hannah?

Let's -- Let's just take a minute.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just not doing it, the bat mitzvah.

Can we go? Hannah, stop.

She did the study-- She did all the studying.

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is. Hannah?

I'm gonna go.

Thank you, Rabbi, and I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Uh -- I am so -- This --

This came as a complete surprise to me.

I know your family has been going through a lot.

I -- Yeah, let me go speak with her.

Is that -- Okay. Yeah, that's fine.

I'm so sorry. Solly, can we go now?

TOBY: Hannah, hey.

W-What's going on?

I wanted to see what it would be like up here.

You'll have another chance in November.

Dad, I'm not doing it. For real.

Is this about what happened at camp?

Because I can promise you that by the time

November rolls around, like, no one will remember it.

It's not.

Is it about your mother?

It's not that.

Listen, I know it's been hard with her gone, but --

but we're still Jews, and this is what we do.

But why? Why do we do it?

I -- I don't even know if I believe in God.

Yeah, well, that's actually not what this is about.

This is about becoming an adult in your community.

This is about taking on my traditions as yours.

You can pass them along to your family.

I -- I guess I just don't understand why I would do it.

We do it because that's what we do.

We're the Fleishmans and we're Jews.

It doesn't seem smart to me.

What has it given us?

How -- How has it even helped the world?

We're a mess, Dad.

The Fleishmans are a mess.

You -- You're being too literal, I think.

No, no, I'm not. No?

You always tell me to think for myself

and not to be corrupted by other people around me,

but I want my own traditions.

I want my own life,

and I want to make my own decisions.

I don't want to have to fix anything.

I haven't even broken anything.

I'm only 11.

I could tell you that Toby looked at his daughter

just then, his wise, beautiful daughter

who had been put through too much recently,

and realized that she was right.

You know, another great tradition is forging

your own path and being better than your parents.

Here, come here.

Come here, my sweet girl.

There, stand here.

And if a bat mitzvah is also a coming of age,

then he had to agree that Hannah

did not need a ceremony to do that.

She'd grown up right in front of him,

slowly and then all at once.

Eilecha vichuneka.

Yisa Adonai panav eilecha

v'yasem lecha shalom.

May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah.

May God bless you and protect you.

May God show you favor and be gracious to you.

[ crying ]

May God --

May God show you kindness --

Hey -- and grant you peace.

[ crying continues ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I could tell you that after weeks of starts and stops,

that was the moment that the Fleishmans understood

that a divorce was an earthquake for two people

who used to be in love,

but it was a chronic condition for the children

who had to somehow survive it.

Man: ♪ Kmo sirat ets ♪

♪ Merupetet ♪

♪ Sheyotseret gal veretet ♪

♪ Kmo shemila achat ♪

♪ Lev ee potachat ♪

♪ Yesh li sach akol gafrur ♪

♪ Az avhir takalachat ♪

♪ Vehamilim shenivlehu ♪

♪ Vebemochi hen itpakhu ♪

♪ Etsak otan chazak hayom ♪

♪ Hatishmehu otan pitom? ♪

♪ Ze shir hafite sheli ♪

♪ Achshav echye kuli ♪

♪ Emtsa ma tov li ♪

♪ Lo evater li ♪

♪ Meachshav e'afsher li ♪

LIBBY: I could tell you that the Fleishmans found themselves

again at the Vantablack exhibit,

which was in its last days.

They decided to go in and see it,

to really, finally face the void together.

Ready?

Man: ♪ Li kulam hem doagim ♪

♪ Ma itcha ♪

♪ Ve'epatach ♪

♪ Ze shir hafite sheli ♪

♪ Achshav echye kuli ♪

♪ Emtsa ma tov li ♪

♪ Ki yesh bi adayin amon fite betochi ♪

LIBBY: But I could not tell you what Toby did next.

[ birds chirping ]

I had my own shit going on.

[ cellphone buzzing ]

♪♪♪

What had happened to me

was that at the beginning of the summer,

before Toby called me,

I was heading into my second year

of being a stay-at-home mom

and my 13th year of marriage

and my 5th year in a suburb and my 41st year of life,

but none of that changed who I essentially was,

which was a magazine writer with no assignment.

That didn't stop me from pontificating

all over the suburbs.

You know what I think?

I think that the men of this generation,

they're all, like, really good feminists,

but they haven't actually thought

about what it means to be equal,

so they're so fragile all the time.

We have to spend all of our time on reassuring

and fellating every insecurity out of them.

Do you ever think that

those "The future is female" shirts,

they're like, "Free beer tomorrow"?

You know, 'cause the future is always in the future.

I mean, like, do you really think

that they would let us wear those shirts if it were true?

I think it's just a shirt, Lib.

Yeah.

I gotta go make dinner.

Yeah, me too.

Am I riding with you? Okay.

And then into that morass, I bumped into Michelle.

Libby, hi!

Michelle, oh, my God. Look at you.

You look amazing.

Yeah, well, I'm getting a divorce.

What? Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's crazy.

Wh-What happened?

It's a long story, but it's good.

I'm actually seeing someone -- my boyfriend from college.

What?

We reconnected on Facebook.

I know, what a cliché, right?

I'm gonna move to the city, Jonathan will stay here,

and we'll take turns staying with the kids.

I'm just so -- I'm so surprised.

You guys -- You always seemed so happy.

We were just very good friends, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

God, okay. I'm sorry.

I-I want to understand, like, all of this.

Please start from the beginning.

So we had just come back from this amazing vacation --

It was the third divorce I'd heard about in a month.

I started thinking about divorce all the time.

Not "divorce," but clean slates and new starts.

I feel like I'm me again.

We're gonna get a place on the Upper West Side, near --

"Me again."

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I'd somehow fallen for it, some dream of safety

that I hadn't understood would never reconcile with who I was,

which was a free and independent person.

I'd taken all my freedom and independence

and pushed them across the poker table and said,

"Here, take my jackpot. Take it all.

I don't need it anymore. I won't miss it ever."

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ sighs deeply ]

God, how hot I used to be for life.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Larry Feldman was the first guy I ever kissed.

♪♪♪

He was the first guy I ever -- a lot of things.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ dog barking in distance ]

[ computer dings ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Oh, my God.

LARRY: Libby Slater? Wow.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

How much I used to feel,

how much I didn't feel anymore.

LIBBY: Larry Feldman!

What is going on with you?

♪♪♪

I just remembered you and realized

that I didn't know what became of you.

♪♪♪

You know, I remember you very often.

Oh, yeah? That's funny.

I just saw that you're friends with everyone from school,

and I don't know how I missed being a part of that.

I remember when you and I were in that basement

at Melissa Cooperman's bat mitzvah after party,

and I think about when you let me put my --

Ugh, God. Gross.

[ cellphone buzzing ]

LIBBY: And into that extra morass, I heard from a friend

I hadn't spoken to in a dozen years.

Toby Fleishman?

TOBY: Elizabeth Slater.

Epstein.

It's Epstein now, yeah, but yes, hello.

It was so nice to be back with people

that I never had to explain who I was to.

I'd been trying to return

to the most authentic version of myself,

but it wasn't that dipshit horndog Larry Feldman

who knew me when I was most myself, it was Toby.

I began to feel less unmoored,

but I was living this life

that wasn't mine anymore,

and then I was living a life that hadn't ever been mine.

Toby Fleishman, hot damn.

I did finally go home that night

after I went to Toby's house to tell him about Rachel...

...after I hadn't been in contact

with my own family for days.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

LIBBY: [ whispers ] Hi.

I'm sorry.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Mom, you're making breakfast?

Hi.

I have been helping a friend with something,

but I'm back.

I made pancakes. I want to hear everything.

I don't eat breakfast anymore.

What does that mean?

ADAM: Well, that's why we get you lessons, bud.

MILES: I'm never going to pass. I'm not going.

What's going on?

I'm not taking the swimming test.

Miles, you can't learn this stuff

unless you learn this stuff.

What's the problem? You have to take the swimming test.

I got this. I'm not going.

I'm not taking any more lessons.

Okay, Miles, I know you don't want --

I got this. Well, it kind of seems like you don't.

SASHA: We're gonna be late.

I made breakfast for everybody.

We get breakfast on the way now.

I already called in an order at the bagel place.

I got court today. Come on, we're late.

We're late, let's go.

Bye.

[ door opens ]

[ door closes ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

It went on like that for a while.

Me, doing penance.

Me, staring out into the Vantablack,

wondering how this would get resolved.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I wasn't speaking to Toby anymore.

Seth wasn't speaking to either of us,

and I was trying to wedge myself back into my life

before anyone noticed I'd been gone.

MAN ON RADIO: Republican national security officials

have published a letter...

[ indistinct conversations, cheering ]

Sasha, what are you doing?

Hi, Mom.

Is this a party?

No, it's a barbecue.

Dad's in the back.

Dad's in the back?

Yeah.

[ music playing ]

ANNIE: I need 10 kids, but so far, I have 3.

Wait!

ALLISON: [ gasps ] Maybe Libby will do it.

Wow, look who came out of the woodwork.

Libby? Hey.

Hi. I thought you couldn't make it.

Adam said you couldn't make it.

Oh, uh, I-I-I think we just got our signals crossed.

Hey. Thank you.

I was thinking of doing that one-week drama camp

for the girls before school.

Do you think Sasha would want to?

I don't actually know if she's still into doing drama.

I have to ask her. I'll ask Adam.

I went down a total rabbit hole reading about it.

Vantablack? Vantablack.

Uh, sorry.

Can you just -- Can I -- I'll be right back.

One second. ...laboratory for the military.

It's so dark that it's dangerous, you know?

People, they see it and they freak out.

They freak out and run screaming?

Yes. I tell you, it's --

They -- They -- They have to leave... Adam.

'cause they, like, lose their footing.

Oh, hey, Libby. Hi.

Hi.

Um, did we talk about this?

About this barbecue? Yeah.

I don't know. It was in the family calendar.

Sure, but I mean, this morning when we were talking,

did we talk about this?

I don't know, Libby. I can't keep track of you.

Okay, I've been home.

That's not...fair.

Adam, you coming over later for the game?

You know it.

Ah, better bring that queso.

Ha ha. [ chuckles ]

What game?

We're, like, people who watch the game now?

Uh...

You eat queso?

He makes the best queso I've ever had.

You made queso?

Yeah.

I made queso.

Excuse me.

Can I talk to you for a second please?

Yeah, now's, uh -- now's not good.

Oh, now's not good? Wow, okay.

We're at a fucking barbecue.

Oh, my God, can you please just stop being

so fucking passive about everything?

Please, please, please.

I just want to have, like, a regular conversation.

You are incapable of that.

Just a regular conversation, please.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

ADAM: Hi.

Okay, I know I'm terrible.

Okay?

I'm sorry.

So just please talk to me.

About what? There's nothing to talk about.

You do whatever you want,

and I could not be

a more thoughtful, considerate husband to you.

You are merciless lately --

miserable all the time, sarcastic.

What do you think it means to me,

to the kids that you walk around so unhappy?

I have no idea what's happened to you lately.

[ sighs ] Oh, God.

I didn't want to get into this.

Okay, look.

You're right.

I have been terrible.

You are wonderful.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I keep trying to figure it out.

I feel like I'm --

like I'm not alive anymore.

Well, you know what?

I'm happy, okay?

We have friends. We have --

Okay, these are not our friends, though.

Like, they're not.

I can't talk to any of these people.

They treat me like I'm a fucking oddity.

They just talk about their kids and their houses all the time.

We have two wonderful children.

We have income and safety and health

and the enormous privileges of our class.

We are the kinds of people who are invited to barbecues,

and if you gave these people a chance,

you would find they are filled

with the same kind of ambivalence that you have.

No, they're not. I promise you they're not.

No, no. They are, okay?

They are all trying to figure it out just like you.

Just like me, if you wanted to know.

Oh, my God. That's not true!

It's not true, though, Adam. They love it here.

All they talk about is how wonderful it is all the time.

It's like we've died and these houses are our headstones.

We chose this, Libby! You chose it!

Marriage, children,

every single bit of it, we chose it.

I know. I know. I know.

I don't know, though, because honestly,

I feel like a few years ago, I was a person, right?

And then I looked up and I just --

I have no idea when everything started to feel so the same.

Don't -- don't talk to me about your burdens.

The kids are always with the babysitter lately,

and you barely even look at me anymore.

I know. I know. Okay, okay.

I am trying to figure it out, though. I really am.

You -- You could bother looking at me

while you try to figure it out, right?

I -- I could be a part of your figuring it out.

Why is this about you all of a sudden?

It's so not about you, Adam.

Are you sleeping with Toby? Am I what?

You slept over at his fucking house!

Oh, my God. Of course I'm not sleeping with Toby!

Are you crazy?! That's all you have to say?

No, I don't even know why I did that, okay?

You expect me to know everything and have all of these answers.

I don't have the answers. I don't have them.

No, I expect you to, like, come home at night.

Is that so crazy?

I have to go.

Sorry, you have to go? Yes.

I was asked to peel the corn at this barbecue,

which you knew about and which was in the family calendar,

and when I say I'm gonna be somewhere

and do something, I do it.

[ Free Bird playing ]

♪ If I leave here tomorrow [ sighs ]

Would you still remember me?

♪ 'Cause I must be traveling on now ♪

♪ There's too many places I've got to see ♪

JOHN: You can't do that in Brooklyn.

ANNIE: Did you get a French drain?

ALLISON: No, actually, we just pushed the soil

so there's no flooding.

Well, your house is on top of that hill.

That makes sense.

[ indistinct conversations ]

♪ Things just wouldn't be the same ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm as free

♪ As a bird now

♪ And this bird

♪ You cannot cha-a-a-a-nge

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ door opens ]

ADAM: Get in the shower and then bed.

Hurry up. Go.

[ door closes ]

[ footsteps approaching ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ birds chirping ]

[ toothbrush clinks ]

[ water turns off ]

You just staying in bed today?

My alarm.

I forgot to set it.

I just had the craziest dream.

I guess I'm taking the kids to camp.

Kids?

Kids, come on. We're gonna be late.

Let's go. Okay.

Come on, let's go!

SASHA: Miles, hurry up.

[ cellphone rings ]

Glenn? Hi.

GLENN: Hey. I thought you'd want to know --

Archer died.

Wait, what?

No, that's -- that's so crazy.

I just -- I like, literally just had a dream about him.

What happened?

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

LIBBY: In my dream, I'd been asking Archer for advice.

I can't remember on what,

but he kept asking if we'd ever slept together.

Like in life, I kept reminding him who I was

and how much I admired him,

and his response to that was,

"What does that have to do with me?"

♪ I get up in the evening

♪ And I ain't got nothing to say ♪

♪ Come home in the morning

♪ Go to bed feeling the same way ♪

♪ I am nothing but tired

♪ Just tired and bored with myself ♪

♪ Hey, man

♪ I could use just a little help ♪

SETH: Hey, can we pretend we talked all this through

and just move on?

I'm having a party on Saturday.

It's really important to me that you come.

Dress nicely, please.

The three of us are having a slumber party,

but we're gonna tell Sophie

that she has to start using deodorant.

Oh. The situation

has gotten out of control.

Puberty, man.

I'm gonna call Susannah, see if she can watch them

on Saturday night.

Why? I'll be home.

No, uh, Seth.

He's asked us to a party.

He's having a party.

I can't not go.

He specifically said

that it was important to him that --

that I be there, so...

Um...[ clears throat ]

I hope you have a good time.

♪ This is how it works

♪ It feels a little worse

♪ Than when we drove our hearse ♪

♪ Right through that screaming crowd ♪

♪ While laughing up a storm

♪ Until we were just bone

♪ Until it got so warm

♪ That none of us could sleep

♪ And all the Styrofoam

♪ Began to melt away

♪ We tried to find some worms

♪ To aid in the decay

♪ But none of them were home

♪ Inside their catacomb

♪ A million ancient bees

♪ Began to sting our knees

♪ While we were on our knees

♪ Praying that disease

♪ Would leave the ones we love

♪ And never come again

Hi. What can I get you?

Um, a Negroni, please.

You've got it.

[ sighs ]

You know what's going on here, right?

[ laughs ]

Oh, goddammit. Yeah.

I never thought I would see this day.

I know. What a fucking idiot.

What a stupid dipshit.

♪ This is how it works

[ glass clinking ] Oh, God.

SETH: Can I have everyone's attention?

Just for a moment. Thanks.

Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you.

Uh, I just wanted to say that I've had a lot of parties

throughout the years, and I used to have theme parties

that I would call "learning parties."

And we would dress up as historical figures

or, um, have somebody come and give a math lecture.

Really, they were just excuses to get drunk,

but I was always trying to make sense of the world,

understand it, and make peace with it.

And I thought if I could just do that,

then I could start to live my life.

Uh, today I'm here to tell you,

I give up.

I will never understand it.

And so I should do

what every part of my body is telling me to do,

and that is to ask the prettiest girl in this room

if she would marry me.

[ guests murmuring ]

It's all a lot simpler than I ever thought it would be.

I -- I just want to wake up every day

and see her face.

What do you say, Vanessa Lipschitz-Finkelstein?

Can I make you

Vanessa Lipschitz- Finkelstein-Morris?

Yes. Yeah?

[ guests cheering ]

I told her we were here for my mother's birthday.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Are you crying?

I just -- How can -- Ugh.

How could he possibly think that this is a good idea

after spending the entire summer listening to us?

I know. I know.

I guess in Seth's story, we're just the co-stars

who help him make this big decision.

I'm sorry, Libby.

I am too.

I really th-- [ scoffs ]

You know what? It doesn't even matter.

I'm -- I'm sorry, too.

[ sighs ]

Well, that's it.

Our boy is finally a man.

LIBBY: What can I say?

Life is a process in which you collect people

and prune them when they stop working for you.

The only exceptions are the friends you make in college.

Hi. Hey.

Hey, congratulations.

I'm really happy for you.

So glad you came.

I'm sorry that we fought, Seth.

I take you very seriously.

You are a real person.

TOBY: Yes, you are extremely real.

I feel like I could touch you.

I bet you have a Social Security Number.

Don't actually -- Don't actually -- Don't actually --

[ laughs ]

Do you think I'm an idiot for doing this?

No. No.

I think maybe marriage is like that quote

about democracy, you know?

"It's the worst form of government in the world

except for all the other forms."

You know?

Nice. Listen, we love you.

We're here for you.

It's gonna be great. Mm-hmm.

Well, that's a rare nice thing you just said to me.

Thank you. TOBY: Yeah, no, I'm happy for you.

We're both very happy for you.

Yes.

May your... Okay.

May your most -- most virile sperm...

Mm-hmm.

...make the odyssey through her fallopian tubes

and conquer her ovaries, bringing you sons.

Oh, sons. Sons!

I like conquering the ovaries.

Did you even take freshman bio?

Wait, is that not how it -- is that not how it works?

No.

May your sons marry the daughters of finance bros,

and, uh, with ever-greater dowries

and stock options in Tesla and Apple.

You know, everything the beggar woman said came true.

She said you were never gonna be happy with what you were given,

you were gonna always want something different.

She said you were gonna heal the world.

But that was only when I had money to give her.

We're all good, right?

I feel like something's ending.

I can't take an ending right now.

No, it's not. It's not. We're good.

Yeah, we're good. VANESSA: Seth!

Gotta go.

My fiancée's calling.

LIBBY: Ohh. Ooh.

Hi.

♪ Now the final frame

I heard Archer Sylvan died.

Yeah. Yeah.

He died as he lived,

practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation

in a hotel in Thailand.

Oh, boy. Surrounded by prostitutes.

Really? Yeah.

Yeah, oh, it was very, very weird, though.

I had this dream about him,

and then my editor called me

and he told me that he died.

That's crazy. Yeah.

Took 'em, like, a week to find the body.

Oh, that's terrible. What, the smell --

No, no, no. He was on a story,

and he was late -- or later than usual, so... Oh.

The magazine's paying for the funeral and everything,

'cause he didn't have anybody.

Oh, no, that's so sad. Yeah.

We're lucky we have people.

You're lucky.

You know that, right?

I think so, yeah. Okay.

I just -- I'm just lost.

I don't know. I'm, like --

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

What do you mean, what you're doing with your life?

It's done. You are -- You're loved, Elizabeth.

Please, please tell me you understand how special that is.

I guess I just don't --

I guess that's just not enough for me.

Oh, God. Okay. I know.

Honestly, it might not be enough for you either, so...

No, no, no. It would be. It definitely would be.

I know you fantasize that it would be

because you have had such a struggle all these years,

but you really have no idea how you would feel

if you got the thing that you wanted.

You don't.

Contentment breeds quiet,

which breed complacency,

which breeds unrest.

You should go back to work.

Yeah, I think I might.

I think I might write a book.

A book? Mm-hmm.

That's good. About what?

It's about life and, um,

marriage and money

and dissatisfaction and lifelong friendship

and, like, how all these things coalesce

in middle age, right, and make you --

make you miserable right at the exact point

that you're supposed to have everything set.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, it'll be about everything.

Everything? Everything.

Mm. That's heavy.

Maybe.

Or maybe what's the point of writing about anything

if it's not gonna be about everything?

Yeah. That's what Archer did.

That's good. No, you should --

You should go be like Archer.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll be better than Archer, you know?

I'll tell a really good story,

but I'll tell all the other sides of it, too,

not just the ones that I like.

Alright, so what -- what happens in the book?

Well, um, a newly divorced man

wakes up one morning

to find that his ex has dropped off the kids

and does not appear to be coming back.

Okay.

And so then he's left to figure out where she is

and why life seems to have gone so wrong for him.

I hate this story. Yeah.

No, but sorry. How are you gonna write it, though?

I mean, it has -- it has no ending.

Yeah, I don't know. There's no ending yet.

Maybe this -- this is the ending.

Oh, this, okay. Well, imagine that.

No, don't end it here. This is not a good ending.

Engagements are not good endings.

Weddings, weddings are worse, but engagements are not.

Okay, then maybe -- maybe it ends

with her returning.

You know, like, the whole thing

was just this terrible blip.

So she just comes back?

Maybe.

Why? Why does she come back?

She comes back because she was always gonna come back.

I mean, for a while, she wasn't sure,

because being sure would have made the whole thing

feel, you know, less dangerous.

It is possible that, like, a person needs

a little bit of danger

in order to feel like she knows what matters.

That doesn't sound like Rachel.

She's aware she behaved terribly,

but it's like she's --

it's like she was outside her body, you know?

Like, watching herself the whole time.

And -- And the problem wasn't even her marriage, you know?

It was just like, her marriage was a witness

to all of her other failures, like a comorbidity

to how she was just getting old.

Hmm.

♪♪♪

And so then, in the end, when she comes home...

...she realizes she really, really needs

to figure out her life.

Because, yeah, her marriage is not perfect,

but, like...

It's not like not being married

is ever gonna make her young again.

Nothing could make her unmake the choices

that she made.

She just didn't know when she was making the choices

that they were gonna limit all the other choices

that she could make in the future.

It's not even her decisions, like...

It's just, how can you live

when you used to have unlimited choices

and you don't have them anymore?

Sorry.

No, no, no, no. Please, continue.

So, sorry, what happens? So she comes back?

She comes back

and it turns out it was just a mistake?

Like, it was just like a misunderstanding

or something? Yeah, maybe she just, like --

She just -- she just appears.

She just appears.

Okay, and then what?

It's raining. It's raining.

It's a rain that breaks this terrible heat wave.

[ chuckles ]

And you're at home in your apartment and you're --

you're thinking about your life and you're --

you're thinking about moving on, right?

But then you hear the key in the lock.

Okay.

And the creak of the hinge.

That's nice.

And then you turn around and suddenly she's just...

there in the doorway.

And then?

And then the book ends.

Yeah, but I mean, like, what happens after that?

I don't know.

I really don't think I have the imagination for that.

It's okay.

I love you so much.

You know that, right?

I haven't been a good friend to you lately.

It's okay.

You've been going through a lot.

But I want you to know... [ sniffles ]

...you are still you.

I can see it all.

I can see your darkness.

I can see your goodness.

It is still there, like the day we met.

Okay?

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ sighs ]

It's okay.

Thank you.

May God grant them happiness.

♪♪♪

May God grant them happiness.

♪ I'll be there

♪ By your side

You want to walk back uptown together?

Sure.

Alright, I'm just gonna run to the bathroom.

Okay, I'll be outside.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ horns

[ indistinct conversations ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Hi.

Uh, can you take me to New Jersey?

I'll pay double the meter. MAN: Sure.

LIBBY: Hey, sorry, I found a cab so I'm gonna head home.

[ Text message whooshes ]

[ sighs ]

[ cellphone rings ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ horns honking ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

We fall in love and we decide to marry

in this one incredible moment.

What if everything that happens after that

is about trying to remember that moment?

ADAM: Yeah. LIBBY: What?

It's true.

Were you listening?

Maybe that's what all these divorces were about.

We watch ourselves and our spouses change

and the work is to constantly recall

the reasons why you did this in the first place.

You mistake the person closest to you for your misery.

You think, "Maybe if I excised this thing, I'd be me again."

But you're not you anymore.

You haven't been you in a long time.

It's not his fault.

It was always going to happen.

And what were you gonna do with the fact that time

was going to march on anyway?

What were you gonna do with the fact

that you couldn't win this fight?

That was the problem.

You were not ever going to be young again.

Come here.

You were only at risk for not remembering

that this was as good as it would get

in every single moment,

that you are right now as young as you'll ever be again.

ADAM: I can't tell anymore.

I got him, I got him.

And now. Yech.

And now.

And now.

And now.

Pay attention.

And now.

[ indistinct conversation ]

And now.

And now. You know what I mean.

And now.

And now.

And now.

[ yelling indistinctly ] And now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

And now and now and now and now and now.

And now.

Oh, my God.

Ahh. Whoo.

I'm so cold!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

And now.

[ stairs creaking ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ breathes deeply ]

You're home.

I ran home.

Because I love you so much, I think I'm gonna die from it.

[ sighs ]

I'm sorry I'm late.

♪♪♪

It's okay.

You always come back.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ thunder rumbling ]

[ siren wailing ]

[ thunder crashes ]

Toby Fleishman headed home that night and waited

for the panic to rise in him again...

...the same panic that washed him in sweat

every time he contemplated the future.

But it didn't.

He was healing.

Hi. FAITH: Hi.

Hi, how were they? They were fine.

Yeah? Solly won Monopoly.

Oh, no.

Thank you so much, Faith. Thank you.

Yeah, great. It's really pouring.

You have an umbrella or something? I got one.

Okay, great. Thanks, have a good night.

Yeah, you too.

[ sighs ]

♪♪♪

How could you be so desperately unhappy

when you were so essentially happy?

How could you know so much

and still be this baffled by it all?

♪♪♪

The heat wave in Manhattan was finally broken.

Toby would survive this.

In a hundred different ways, he already had.

He would start looking for a new apartment tomorrow,

one where everything worked.

He looked out the window and saw his reflection,

but then he also saw beyond himself.

He saw the people in the windows in the city,

all living their own, separate, distinct lives.

God, he thought, you could die of the loneliness,

but you could die of hope, too,

the way it blinded you a little,

the way it led you to try again, despite what you knew.

Time would move forward, but tonight, briefly,

he had logged some optimism into his block universe.

It would stay there forever.

♪♪♪

[ door opens ]

♪♪♪

[ hinges creak ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪ Turn around

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit lonely ♪

♪ You're never coming 'round

♪ Turn around

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit tired ♪

♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit nervous ♪

♪ The best of all the years have gone by ♪

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit terrified ♪

♪ Then I see the look in your eyes ♪

♪ Bright eyes

♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪

♪ Bright eyes

♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪

♪ And I need you now tonight

♪ And I need you more than ever ♪

♪ And if you only hold me tight ♪

♪ We'll be holding on forever ♪

♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪

♪ 'Cause we'll never be wrong

♪ Together we can take it to the end of the line ♪

♪ Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time ♪

♪ I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark ♪

♪ We're living in a powder keg

♪ And giving off sparks

♪ I really need you tonight

♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ Once upon a time I was falling in love ♪

♪ Now I'm only falling apart

♪ There's nothing I can do

♪ A total eclipse of the heart

♪ Yeah, a total eclipse

♪ Of the heart

[ applause ]