All language subtitles for Whindersson.Nunes.Isso.Nao.E.Um.Culto.2023.PORTUGUESE.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Ewe
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Ga
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kurdish (SoranĂ®)
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lingala
Lithuanian
Lozi
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Nigerian Pidgin
Northern Sotho
Norwegian
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Occitan
Oriya
Oromo
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Punjabi
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Runyakitara
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Spanish (Latin American)
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Telugu
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Tshiluba
Tumbuka
Turkish
Turkmen
Twi
Uighur
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,333
PREACHING TO THE CHOIR
STAGE
4
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:54,083
WHINDERSSON NUNES: PREACHING TO THE CHOIR
5
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:56,166
What's up, Porto?
6
00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:57,833
Portugal!
7
00:00:57,916 --> 00:00:59,000
Yeah!
8
00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:02,958
People up top?
9
00:01:04,208 --> 00:01:05,333
People down here?
10
00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:10,208
Thank you very much.
11
00:01:10,791 --> 00:01:11,708
Awesome!
12
00:01:12,791 --> 00:01:14,375
Any folks from Mozambique?
13
00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:16,708
Mozambique? You?
14
00:01:16,791 --> 00:01:17,625
Angola?
15
00:01:19,041 --> 00:01:20,083
Cape Verde?
16
00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:23,000
Portuguese people?
17
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:27,416
Brazilians?
18
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:32,041
Give it up for yourselves. Thank you.
19
00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:35,541
Let's welcome our musician, Luan Murilho.
20
00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:37,375
Give it up for Luan Murilho.
21
00:01:37,875 --> 00:01:40,583
Thank you for coming here today.
22
00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:45,041
The name of this show is
Preaching to the Choir
23
00:01:45,125 --> 00:01:47,291
because we're gonna preach, right?
24
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,333
Preaching is necessary.
25
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:53,416
Because often…
26
00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:58,708
to speak of certain things
we must speak in certain ways.
27
00:02:00,750 --> 00:02:03,583
To make people realize
the world is ending.
28
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,750
That's my message to you tonight.
29
00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:08,208
We had it way too good.
30
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:13,916
Things are changing. Things that used
to be rare happen all the time now.
31
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,791
Every day you hear
about a tornado or a tsunami.
32
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,875
There's so much happening, man.
33
00:02:18,958 --> 00:02:20,208
Pandemics.
34
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,208
Gkay parties…
There's so much all the time.
35
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:28,625
No, Gkay's parties really are impressive
for their eclectic music.
36
00:02:28,708 --> 00:02:32,791
I've never seen so many
different musical styles on one stage.
37
00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:34,416
First, it's Léo Santana.
38
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,125
Then it's Matuê,
who is completely different.
39
00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:39,791
MatuĂŞ sings, "You wanna fly?"
No one's on that vibe.
40
00:02:40,916 --> 00:02:41,916
Different vibe.
41
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,625
Then Iron Maiden comes out.
42
00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:47,375
In the morning,
Padre Fábio de Melo. My God!
43
00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:50,750
Everyone's high on inhalants,
some are praying…
44
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:54,666
The world is ending.
Everything's different.
45
00:02:55,416 --> 00:02:59,666
We won't spend the next 20 years
the way we spent the previous ones.
46
00:03:00,541 --> 00:03:01,666
All 20 were the same.
47
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:04,375
The year 2000 felt like 2001,
2001 was like 2002.
48
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:07,708
Not today, now everything
is always changing, updating.
49
00:03:07,791 --> 00:03:12,125
It's not even people's voices
in their videos anymore, it's Google's.
50
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,750
"I told my husband the kid was his."
51
00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:18,583
"LOL."
52
00:03:19,291 --> 00:03:20,666
You go, "My God."
53
00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:26,500
You can't refer people
to an engineer's Instagram anymore.
54
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,166
Who knows what he posts.
55
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,666
I once recommended
my engineer friend to someone.
56
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,208
I went to his page,
57
00:03:33,291 --> 00:03:35,625
the first video on there was, "Frieza!"
58
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,583
"Why did you kill Krillin?"
59
00:03:39,583 --> 00:03:43,083
How am I supposed to recommend
this guy to build a house?
60
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,833
Should I add a disclaimer?
61
00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:49,208
"He's talented, but skip the first video."
62
00:03:49,958 --> 00:03:52,416
"Why?" I'll say, "Because he's angry."
63
00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:56,458
You think it's an old meme,
but it's already the remix.
64
00:03:56,541 --> 00:03:57,958
The dude goes, "Frieza!"
65
00:03:59,666 --> 00:04:01,291
Everything happens so fast.
66
00:04:02,458 --> 00:04:05,250
You can't show up late
for a haircut anymore.
67
00:04:05,333 --> 00:04:08,375
They have to spend five minutes
filming your head
68
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,208
to make a video.
69
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,916
What are you supposed to do
while someone films your head?
70
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,166
What do you do?
71
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:18,500
You're all wrapped up in a towel,
looking like an idiot.
72
00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:23,916
If you order water at a restaurant,
the waiters are all like…
73
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,041
"Stop the show, man. I'm thirsty."
74
00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:34,416
Everything's different.
We lost the simple things.
75
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:35,875
Everyday stuff.
76
00:04:36,416 --> 00:04:37,958
Like phone books.
77
00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:40,166
Who here has ever seen a phone book?
78
00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:44,708
It was a book with everyone's
name, address, and phone number.
79
00:04:45,291 --> 00:04:49,083
"How did you find me?"
"You're in the book, you can't hide."
80
00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:53,708
We'd make prank calls.
No one knew who anyone was.
81
00:04:53,791 --> 00:04:55,458
"Do you work in clothing?"
82
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:57,208
"No." "So you work naked?"
83
00:04:57,291 --> 00:04:58,791
Hang up. Fuck 'em.
84
00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:01,041
No one knew it was me.
85
00:05:05,583 --> 00:05:07,583
These things were stolen from us.
86
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,375
By the algorithm.
87
00:05:10,208 --> 00:05:11,083
What's that?
88
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:13,833
It's the intelligence behind your phone
89
00:05:13,916 --> 00:05:16,791
that chooses
what you're most likely to enjoy.
90
00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:20,500
You don't need to say,
"I don't like TikTok."
91
00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:23,708
It takes out things you don't watch
and leaves what you do.
92
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,875
"You like cats?"
93
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,958
"Check this out." Then it sends another.
94
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:30,500
"Look at this one drinking."
"Oh, how cute."
95
00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:34,958
Suddenly, you're like every other idiot
with your face glued to your phone.
96
00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:39,750
My algorithm learned exactly what I like,
and that's all it sends me.
97
00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:43,083
Which is videos
of burglars who can't hide.
98
00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:45,541
It's great.
99
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,750
Brazilian cops are comedians.
100
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,833
They're filming,
"Where is he? I don't see him."
101
00:05:51,791 --> 00:05:54,791
He's there with a tablecloth
and a vase on his back…
102
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,541
A coffee table.
103
00:06:01,666 --> 00:06:02,625
I can't take it.
104
00:06:03,583 --> 00:06:04,666
I really can't.
105
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,000
I saw one disguised as a water cooler.
106
00:06:07,916 --> 00:06:10,875
Dude threw a tablecloth on
and held the gallon jug…
107
00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:14,625
The cops walked in like,
"I think he escaped."
108
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,625
"I'll just have some water."
They're filming.
109
00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:19,416
The guy even made the noises…
110
00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:23,875
He's seen way too much Tom & Jerry.
111
00:06:23,958 --> 00:06:24,875
No way.
112
00:06:25,541 --> 00:06:27,125
The world is ending, man.
113
00:06:27,958 --> 00:06:29,541
We had it way too good.
114
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,708
There's a war going on.
115
00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:35,500
It's close to here, so you're tense.
116
00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:37,833
We're not tense at all in Brazil.
117
00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:39,333
We joke about it.
118
00:06:40,041 --> 00:06:41,083
Make memes.
119
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:44,500
Brazil loves to be uninvolved.
No one messes with us.
120
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:46,625
No one.
121
00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:49,708
That might seem comforting,
but it worries me.
122
00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:52,916
I keep wondering
why no one messes with us.
123
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,583
What do they know that we don't know?
124
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:58,833
I get worried.
125
00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:02,125
I think other countries view us
as a kid playing, like…
126
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:10,875
That's gotta be it.
127
00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:14,541
"Attack them!"
128
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,583
"No, let him play motorcycle."
129
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,916
I was worried, so I Googled it.
130
00:07:21,791 --> 00:07:23,500
"Brazil's firepower."
131
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,625
Apparently,
132
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:29,541
we have enough bullets
for two hours of war.
133
00:07:34,791 --> 00:07:36,333
It's gotta be a strategy.
134
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:42,000
Because I saw on Twitter
that they purchased 35,000 Viagra pills
135
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:43,625
for the Brazilian army.
136
00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:46,375
Strategy!
137
00:07:47,458 --> 00:07:49,208
That's how we are.
138
00:07:49,291 --> 00:07:52,416
"When we're out of bullets,
we've got a different gun."
139
00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,041
Don't even try it.
140
00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,833
Don't even try it.
141
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:03,500
"You wanna invade Brazil, fucker?"
142
00:08:04,666 --> 00:08:07,000
"Here's your Pernambuco." No way.
143
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:14,791
I found out our air base
is in Natal, Rio Grande do Norte.
144
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:16,875
Anyone from Natal here?
145
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,791
If you're from Natal, tell me,
146
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,791
who's gonna attack Natal?
147
00:08:23,791 --> 00:08:25,083
Why are the planes there?
148
00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:28,916
It's a three-hour flight to SĂŁo Paulo,
the war will be over by then.
149
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:34,750
So you can look down from the plane?
"Yikes, it all burned down."
150
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,041
The world is ending.
151
00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:42,750
Tell the brother next to you,
"Watch out for the apocalypse."
152
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:44,625
Watch out.
153
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,125
We don't even know how the world will end.
154
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:50,625
Because we think we're so special,
155
00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:54,250
the most important species on Earth.
156
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,541
The world has ended multiple times
and we have no idea.
157
00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:00,791
What if it ends like Bird Box?
158
00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:03,666
We have to be silent or we get eaten.
159
00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:07,083
People with allergies
will get everyone killed.
160
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,250
Dude's like, "Be quiet," and I'm like…
161
00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,833
The monster comes in…
Kills me and 12 others.
162
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,500
Medicine doesn't heal anymore.
163
00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:21,666
It just replaces your symptoms.
164
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,833
It should be marketed as a converter.
165
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:29,708
"This painkiller makes you puke."
"Sounds better than a headache."
166
00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:32,791
Cold medication makes you sleepy.
167
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:34,583
Perfect.
168
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,750
You can't sneeze while you're sleeping.
169
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,583
Whoever thought that up is a genius.
170
00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:43,375
Everything's backwards.
171
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,708
Everything's changing.
172
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:49,416
The meaning of traffic lights
has changed in Brazil.
173
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:54,375
Green means "go," yellow means
"be careful," red means "stop."
174
00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:56,958
Who stops at red after midnight in Brazil?
175
00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,916
"No fucking way I'm stopping here."
176
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:04,708
They'll break my window
with a brick and rob me.
177
00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:07,875
I could get a ticket,
but I'll claim self-defense.
178
00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:12,041
People don't go anymore
when the light turns green.
179
00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:15,500
Because they know
someone is running a red light.
180
00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:17,791
They're gonna get hit.
181
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:21,208
Robbers attack at green lights now.
182
00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:25,000
Everything's backwards, there's no escape.
183
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,625
You can't get an Uber anymore in Brazil.
184
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:32,625
The guy accepts the ride,
then says, "Not my problem."
185
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,750
He's not coming. His only job is to come.
186
00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:40,458
Now you have to take a taxi to your Uber.
187
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,750
I found out something really shocking.
188
00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:49,166
Let's see who's surprised
and who's pretending.
189
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,750
I found out that in some places in Brazil,
190
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,833
if there's a pack of black Halls
on the dashboard,
191
00:10:57,416 --> 00:11:00,500
that means the driver
accepts blowjobs as payment.
192
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,958
Sometimes it's better not to know.
193
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:11,666
That really disturbs me.
194
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:13,750
I started reviewing my Uber history.
195
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:16,625
"My God, what was
on top of the dashboard?"
196
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:18,708
"Was it a Halls? Oh, God."
197
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,666
"I could have saved some money."
198
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,000
Damn, I hate wasting money.
199
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,708
It bothers me. It drives me crazy.
200
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,833
Now I don't want drivers talking to me.
201
00:11:29,916 --> 00:11:32,125
I don't know what his intentions are.
202
00:11:32,666 --> 00:11:36,250
I think, "If he talks,
I'll let him know what's up."
203
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:39,875
He offers me water,
"You want me to suck your dick, huh?"
204
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,500
"I'm not into those types of games."
205
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,125
My friends love me.
206
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:50,791
They say, "If the world ends,
you'll hop on a plane and escape."
207
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:53,416
I say, "No way! I can't live without you."
208
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,375
We love each other, except for one thing.
209
00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:58,375
I always get all the credit.
210
00:11:58,458 --> 00:11:59,416
It's all me.
211
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,625
But it's not me,
it's how the system works.
212
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:06,000
It's always been this way.
They want views.
213
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:09,375
My name brings in views.
That's what they want.
214
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:12,125
I was at the airport the other day
215
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:14,083
with Manoel and Mateus.
216
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,541
Two little kids showed up.
217
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:18,375
"Give us some cash."
218
00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:20,041
I don't carry cash,
219
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:22,333
so I asked Manoel to give them some.
220
00:12:22,416 --> 00:12:24,541
He was hesitant,
but he took out 100 reais.
221
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:26,041
I said, "Give another 100."
222
00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:30,291
I think my friends are like me.
As he was getting the money…
223
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:34,750
The paparazzi are always tailing
famous people at Brazilian airports.
224
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:37,500
One of them showed up
and took a ton of photos.
225
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:41,375
The next day's headline was,
"Whindersson Gives Money at Airport."
226
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:45,000
With a photo of Manoel
with his wallet out, like…
227
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,333
The comments were all,
"Whindersson is so generous."
228
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:50,833
"Hats off to him."
229
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:54,416
He sent screenshots to the group chat,
"Whindersson is so generous."
230
00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:56,500
Later, he wanted payback.
231
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:59,875
"Can you give me back
that money you donated?"
232
00:13:00,833 --> 00:13:04,000
I was like,
"Chill out, man. It's the system."
233
00:13:04,791 --> 00:13:08,458
I love hanging out
with Robson when I'm drunk,
234
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,000
because he never gets drunk.
235
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,958
I take a few sips and I'm already on one.
236
00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,375
But I'm not like a European drunk.
237
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,458
European drunks are batshit crazy.
238
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:20,791
You guys are something else.
239
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:22,625
I drink and I cry, you know?
240
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:24,625
I get all lovey-dovey.
241
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:27,166
"You really mean a lot to me, man."
242
00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:29,458
Way too loving. Not y'all.
243
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:32,083
You guys yell at your cars.
"What the fuck?"
244
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:33,375
You fight your cars.
245
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:37,958
I'm like, "What did that car
say to that guy to make him so angry?"
246
00:13:38,041 --> 00:13:40,541
It's crazy. It's so different.
247
00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:41,833
So I like Robson.
248
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:43,708
I ask him to protect me.
249
00:13:43,791 --> 00:13:46,666
Because when I drink, people take videos.
250
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,958
"Say this, say that."
And I'm a pushover, so I do it.
251
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:51,666
I'm totally clueless.
252
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:56,458
One day they asked me about vaccines
because they wanted a hot take.
253
00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:57,958
"What's your opinion?"
254
00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:00,500
"Man, I think…" I was drunk.
255
00:14:00,583 --> 00:14:04,000
"…it should be given without consent."
256
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,083
The guy's filming, "What?"
257
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,708
"We should give it to Native people
to shoot at us like…"
258
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,666
You'd only know
which brand you got afterwards.
259
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,833
"I think this one was AstraZeneca."
260
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:26,875
Only afterwards.
261
00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:30,791
The world is ending.
262
00:14:32,666 --> 00:14:36,916
Sometimes Robson and I go out for drinks
and we take an Uber home.
263
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,916
The driver goes nuts when he sees me.
264
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,750
"Oh, my God,
Whindersson is drunk in my car."
265
00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:45,625
"I'll offer him water."
"Robson, he wants me to suck his dick."
266
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:49,875
"Fuck, man!"
267
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:59,375
"I can't do it, man!"
268
00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:02,375
"The press will have a field day."
269
00:15:06,541 --> 00:15:07,958
"Suck his dick, Robson."
270
00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:17,750
When he gets mad at me later,
I say, "It's not me, it's the system."
271
00:15:18,708 --> 00:15:20,708
The world really is ending.
272
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,750
Public services
don't work together in Brazil.
273
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,375
We lack planning.
274
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,166
As a Brazilian, I can say it.
We lack planning.
275
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,291
What's the first thing
stores ran out of during the pandemic?
276
00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:33,541
Toilet paper.
277
00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:37,958
We were more worried
about wiping our asses than eating.
278
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,458
Is that good planning? Ass before mouth?
279
00:15:44,541 --> 00:15:46,041
Utilities don't work together.
280
00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:48,541
We had two services
in my town, basic sewage
281
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,125
and pothole repair.
282
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:53,583
One day, pothole repair
fixed the potholes.
283
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:58,166
The next day, the sewage people
busted up the asphalt to change the pipes.
284
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,375
Talk to each other!
285
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,291
We have basic sewage problems in Brazil.
286
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,875
It's in the name. Basic.
287
00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:07,666
The sewage is…
288
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:09,666
-Basic!
-It's not plus.
289
00:16:10,583 --> 00:16:11,708
It's not premium.
290
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:14,708
It's not golden. It's basic.
291
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,916
It's putting two pipes
292
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,625
in front of your house,
so shit doesn't float around.
293
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:21,708
Two pipes.
294
00:16:21,791 --> 00:16:24,916
We used to have
a class called Social Studies.
295
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:27,875
You just had to interpret the pictures.
296
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:32,375
Pictures to help you learn. There was one
picture of a kid shitting behind a bush.
297
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,958
There was the shit,
and then a foot with an "x" that meant,
298
00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:39,291
"Don't step on shit. It's bad for you."
299
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,166
Basic sanitation is about quality of life.
300
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,458
Some kids in Brazil walk through
open sewage to go to school.
301
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,875
Walking through sewage to go to school…
302
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:51,083
Kid shows up to school stinking.
303
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:52,958
He's got a nickname.
304
00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,208
"He's here."
305
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:55,666
"Who?" The kids go…
306
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:58,541
"Who?" They go…
307
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:03,458
The kid doesn't even know it's him.
"Who are we laughing at?"
308
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:05,458
The poor kid's humiliated.
309
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:08,083
Sometimes he sees things he shouldn't.
310
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,500
A news report
showing a body in the sewage.
311
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,833
"He was killed nearby!"
312
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,291
Making content to show us on TV.
313
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:18,416
The news at noon.
314
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,958
Why do Brazilians
want to see that at noon?
315
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,208
We can't work up an appetite
without a dead body.
316
00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:25,208
I don't get it.
317
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:27,083
You should see my dad at lunch.
318
00:17:27,166 --> 00:17:30,833
The TV goes, "Fourteen stab wounds!"
My dad's sucking chicken bones, like…
319
00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,625
He even goes back for seconds. My God.
320
00:17:35,541 --> 00:17:38,416
Kids see that stuff
and they think it's funny.
321
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:41,333
They're behind the reporter,
trying to get on TV.
322
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,708
To get on TV, man.
323
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:46,708
They grow up not knowing right from wrong.
324
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,125
They turn into psychos, Joker-style.
325
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,083
Everyone has an inner Joker.
326
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,500
It's weird to say, but it's true.
327
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:58,833
Tell the brother next to you,
"Watch out for the Joker."
328
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:02,833
Say it louder. You're shy.
"Watch out for the Joker."
329
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,958
-Watch out for the Joker.
-Watch out.
330
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:06,416
What is an inner Joker?
331
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:10,250
It's the moment
when you decide how you'll react
332
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:11,833
to humiliation.
333
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:16,750
When do you meet him?
Usually when you get beat.
334
00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:20,000
Not every time, though.
We're not hypocrites, we reflect.
335
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,250
Even as kids we understand things.
336
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,500
Sometimes after a beating, you think,
337
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:27,583
"Okay, I screwed up." It made sense.
338
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:31,666
If you're poor and you break stuff,
you get beat.
339
00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:32,666
That made sense.
340
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:35,708
Sometimes it's not about teaching
but humiliation.
341
00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:37,833
And you know immediately.
342
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:41,333
In my case, my family was chaotic.
343
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:45,375
A lot of you can relate
or know someone who can.
344
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:50,750
There's so much fighting at home
that you'd rather stay out.
345
00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:52,500
For group projects at school,
346
00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,500
I'd always say, "Not at my house."
347
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:57,041
"Let's go to Crackland, it's nicer."
348
00:18:57,125 --> 00:19:00,125
"We'll learn so much more
there than at my house."
349
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:03,541
I hated it!
My dad would wake up already mad.
350
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:05,625
My mom too.
351
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:07,708
My dad going to make some coffee,
352
00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:10,125
"Is there no coffee in this damn house?"
353
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:13,833
My mom, "You want coffee?
Here's your coffee!"
354
00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,708
"I can't drink without a mug!"
355
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:19,791
My sister would point at me.
"He broke it!"
356
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:21,500
Yeah.
357
00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:23,958
Fuck. It was awful, man.
358
00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:26,458
The problem in my house was money.
359
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,291
We couldn't afford anything.
Not my mom or my dad.
360
00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:33,625
My brother was a rebel. "Fuck society!"
361
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,000
He had those freaky posters on his door.
362
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,250
A really weird kid.
363
00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:43,458
Things changed over time.
My parents got better jobs.
364
00:19:43,541 --> 00:19:45,833
My brother went to college,
started bathing.
365
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:48,625
"Good morning."
366
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:51,541
"Who is this young man?" I wondered.
367
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,458
I thought maybe
I could start having people over.
368
00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:58,125
One day at school,
the teacher had us work in pairs.
369
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:02,500
A girl I liked asked me to pair up.
I went, "Stop, Daddy."
370
00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:06,625
She asked where.
I said, "At yours truly's, of course."
371
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,791
"Follow my lead." And off we went.
372
00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:13,333
We didn't go to my room,
because we were kids.
373
00:20:13,958 --> 00:20:18,083
We didn't go to my room. We stayed
in the living room and read books.
374
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:21,208
We laughed at silly names.
"Treaty of Tordesillas."
375
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:25,541
We'd be like, "That sounds like tortilla!"
376
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,791
My mom comes out of my room
377
00:20:29,958 --> 00:20:31,375
holding my underwear.
378
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:34,250
She walks up to the girl and says,
379
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:37,750
"Are you sure
you wanna date this stinky boy?"
380
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:40,375
Then she started doing stand-up.
381
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:44,625
"Girl, cockroaches go by his room
and go… then leave."
382
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:49,166
"They say, 'He must
be playing with shit in there. Good God.'"
383
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:52,041
I'm like,
"Jesus Christ, what is she doing?"
384
00:20:53,791 --> 00:20:54,916
What the hell, man?
385
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,333
No!
386
00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:01,000
I'm in shock.
387
00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:04,125
The girl's in shock. She's shaking.
388
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:06,000
"What is she doing?"
389
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:09,583
My mom comes over
and hits me with my underwear three times.
390
00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:12,000
Why?
391
00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,708
Then she whispered in my ear,
392
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:19,708
"I told you I'd do it
in front of people one day."
393
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,541
I said, "Oh, I get it."
394
00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:25,458
"You're showing me who's boss.
You're the boss."
395
00:21:25,541 --> 00:21:29,708
I had it under control.
I told the girl, "My mom loves to joke."
396
00:21:29,791 --> 00:21:31,083
"No, don't cry."
397
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:37,125
"I'm used to it."
She left in shock, shaking like this…
398
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:38,833
She was shook!
399
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:41,791
I held it in until I got to my room,
400
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:44,541
because a teenager's room is their world.
401
00:21:44,625 --> 00:21:47,125
That's why you should
keep an eye on their rooms.
402
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,958
That's where they go crazy.
403
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:52,750
That's where they
get crazy with their dongs, like…
404
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:56,875
It's the only place in the world
where you'd be bold enough
405
00:21:56,958 --> 00:21:58,625
to look at your own asshole.
406
00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:01,791
I held it in until I got to my room.
407
00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:04,791
When I opened the door,
I let it all out, like,
408
00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:07,333
"I will never
409
00:22:07,416 --> 00:22:09,833
bring anyone else to this shithole!"
410
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:12,375
"Piece of shit house!"
411
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,333
"Piece of shit house!"
412
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,541
"Piece of shit dong!"
413
00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:38,541
Crying so hard I had the hiccups, man.
414
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,208
I hate crying, man.
415
00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:50,000
I look ugly when I cry,
like one of those Chinese masks.
416
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:53,708
I don't like it.
417
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,250
My lips get big, like…
418
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:03,000
That was the first time
I saw my inner Joker.
419
00:23:03,958 --> 00:23:06,416
The first time I cried
looking in the mirror.
420
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,000
Like…
421
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:25,666
"It didn't even hurt!"
422
00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:33,875
The worst part is
that my underwear wasn't even dirty.
423
00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:38,083
My window looked out over open sewage.
424
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:41,000
Of course my room
always smelled like shit.
425
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:44,291
I got beat because of the sewer.
426
00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:47,833
A basic service.
Two pipes would have saved me.
427
00:23:48,916 --> 00:23:50,375
The world is ending.
428
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,833
Animals are done.
429
00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:54,916
We used to only have
one or two to worry about.
430
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,375
One or two, no problem.
431
00:23:57,458 --> 00:24:00,750
"We're running out of macaws."
So we'd help out the macaws.
432
00:24:00,833 --> 00:24:04,791
"Now it's the golden lion tamarin."
So we'd throw in some money.
433
00:24:04,875 --> 00:24:09,375
Today, there are
35,000 endangered species.
434
00:24:10,166 --> 00:24:12,250
There are 35,000.
435
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:15,875
If they're dying off,
it's because someone's counting.
436
00:24:16,875 --> 00:24:18,916
Of course. They're not guessing.
437
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,958
"Wow, only six ducks migrating."
That's not how it works.
438
00:24:22,041 --> 00:24:24,208
There's a science behind it all.
439
00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:28,166
Google isn't some huge brain
440
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:30,625
that answers your questions.
441
00:24:30,708 --> 00:24:34,083
Someone went out
and got that information for you.
442
00:24:34,166 --> 00:24:37,333
Even the lines on the world map,
someone spent a day…
443
00:24:37,416 --> 00:24:39,458
"This is Mesopotamia."
444
00:24:40,041 --> 00:24:41,125
…mapping it out.
445
00:24:41,791 --> 00:24:43,083
It all takes work.
446
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:46,583
The experts learning about animals…
447
00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:49,625
either endangered or in reintroduction…
448
00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:51,041
are biologists.
449
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:53,708
I like talking about biologists
450
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:58,041
to remind people there are careers
besides engineers, lawyers, and doctors.
451
00:24:58,125 --> 00:25:00,708
There are tons of jobs,
and they're all useful.
452
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:02,125
Each one is important.
453
00:25:02,916 --> 00:25:05,541
Biologists go out
and work their asses off.
454
00:25:05,625 --> 00:25:07,500
If you Google,
455
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,125
"What's the world's fastest animal?"
456
00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:13,125
you'll see it's the peregrine falcon.
457
00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:17,916
A bird that flies
480 kilometers per fucking hour.
458
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:19,791
It's like Formula 1.
459
00:25:20,791 --> 00:25:22,875
It goes 105 meters per second.
460
00:25:22,958 --> 00:25:24,875
A soccer field per second, like…
461
00:25:25,458 --> 00:25:26,291
Gone.
462
00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:30,333
You can see it on Google.
463
00:25:30,833 --> 00:25:33,958
Now, how did the biologists see that?
464
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:39,333
"Dude, something's flying around here."
465
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,875
Lots of people risk their lives for you.
466
00:25:43,958 --> 00:25:45,958
Maybe you're the one doing it.
467
00:25:46,958 --> 00:25:48,791
Security guards give a lot.
468
00:25:48,875 --> 00:25:51,041
Every event you attend has security.
469
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:54,208
They even give up their hair.
They're all bald.
470
00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:57,916
You have to be.
You'd be in a fight like, "Come on!"
471
00:25:58,458 --> 00:25:59,291
You can't.
472
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,000
"Did security handle it?"
473
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:04,041
They're out there like, "Let go."
474
00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:07,166
"Seriously. I'll let go if you let go."
475
00:26:07,791 --> 00:26:09,333
"Let go." It doesn't work.
476
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:11,916
It doesn't.
477
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:19,916
The world is ending.
478
00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:23,958
We had it way too good. I keep saying so.
479
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:28,750
Preaching to the Choir.
You think that's a pun about the church.
480
00:26:28,833 --> 00:26:32,083
"He's dressed like a new-age pastor."
481
00:26:34,291 --> 00:26:37,333
"There's music in the background
by Luan Murilho."
482
00:26:38,166 --> 00:26:41,083
"He's talking like a pastor."
But that's not it.
483
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,750
This isn't a religious sermon,
484
00:26:45,541 --> 00:26:48,125
even though it's called
Preaching to the Choir.
485
00:26:48,208 --> 00:26:52,333
But culture is the only thing
that separates us from animals.
486
00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:57,916
The only thing that separates
a human from an animal is culture.
487
00:26:58,416 --> 00:27:02,500
Only humans
are cultured enough to worship.
488
00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:06,125
What's happening here isn't religious,
but we are worshiping.
489
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,000
Because what are we doing?
490
00:27:08,083 --> 00:27:10,500
We're all gathered
491
00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:14,041
to watch a member
of our species do something.
492
00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:19,291
You will never see a circle of 20 lions
with one in the middle, like…
493
00:27:22,083 --> 00:27:24,958
The other lions are like, "He's got swag."
494
00:27:25,041 --> 00:27:26,416
"Damn!" No.
495
00:27:28,791 --> 00:27:29,625
It's just us.
496
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:35,000
Culture takes many forms in our lives.
497
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:36,875
For me, it was theater.
498
00:27:36,958 --> 00:27:39,750
The first time I went,
like you all are now,
499
00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:41,416
to see someone say something,
500
00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:43,875
I was 17 or 18.
501
00:27:43,958 --> 00:27:47,541
But I've watched plays since I was a kid.
502
00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:49,750
Because where I grew up,
503
00:27:49,833 --> 00:27:52,583
they were always performing
The Passion of the Christ.
504
00:27:52,666 --> 00:27:55,875
Who here has seen that movie?
Raise your hand.
505
00:27:56,833 --> 00:28:00,083
Who's seen it as a play
at a church, in a plaza,
506
00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:02,541
at a parade… you'll know what I mean.
507
00:28:02,625 --> 00:28:04,875
The Passion of the Christ
was always around
508
00:28:04,958 --> 00:28:08,000
at a time when I was uneducated.
509
00:28:08,083 --> 00:28:10,583
I didn't live in a big city.
I didn't know a lot.
510
00:28:10,666 --> 00:28:14,375
You know when actors go off-screen
and you look for them behind the TV?
511
00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:18,166
Or when we thought
we could dig a hole to Japan?
512
00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:21,208
That's how I was
with Passion of the Christ.
513
00:28:21,291 --> 00:28:23,958
I thought that was really Jesus.
514
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:26,125
You know?
515
00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:29,083
I'd cry right along with the old ladies.
516
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,375
They'd go, "That poor man!"
517
00:28:31,458 --> 00:28:34,833
I'd go, "I know! They do this every year."
518
00:28:35,416 --> 00:28:38,291
"What did he do?" I didn't get it.
519
00:28:38,375 --> 00:28:40,041
I'd focus on the main guy.
520
00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:43,541
The banner showed Jesus on the cross,
521
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,625
so I kept my eyes on Jesus.
522
00:28:45,708 --> 00:28:48,875
There's a Roman soldier in the story
523
00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:53,000
who stabs Jesus with a spear
while he's getting crucified.
524
00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:56,125
I found out where he worked
and went to find him.
525
00:28:57,291 --> 00:28:59,000
Four little friends and I.
526
00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:01,875
"You think you're tough, asshole?"
We were nuts.
527
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:04,375
"You're lucky he survived."
528
00:29:04,916 --> 00:29:08,708
Because I'd seen the actor
who played Jesus in the town square.
529
00:29:09,208 --> 00:29:11,041
"Does Jesus wear Nikes?"
530
00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,416
"My God."
531
00:29:13,208 --> 00:29:14,833
"I guess he did earn them."
532
00:29:15,333 --> 00:29:18,541
I found out he wasn't Jesus
because the guy messed up.
533
00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:21,000
Let me make something clear,
534
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,500
even for you watching at home…
535
00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:25,791
I'm not talking about religion.
536
00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:27,541
It's a technical discussion.
537
00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:29,916
I'm talking cables.
538
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,750
Okay? Behind the scenes.
539
00:29:31,833 --> 00:29:35,041
Those crosses
weren't set up ten years ago.
540
00:29:36,125 --> 00:29:39,541
They were set up
the day before and can get wobbly.
541
00:29:40,708 --> 00:29:41,541
You know?
542
00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:45,250
At this point in the play,
Jesus was already dead.
543
00:29:45,833 --> 00:29:48,458
Technically, he couldn't move, right?
544
00:29:48,541 --> 00:29:50,541
We all know the story.
545
00:29:50,625 --> 00:29:53,875
He's crucified, he ascends to Heaven,
546
00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:57,458
he's taken to the tomb
and comes back three days later.
547
00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:02,416
I'm not talking about
Jesus, God, or religion.
548
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,875
He's omniscient. He's in my head.
549
00:30:04,958 --> 00:30:07,041
I don't need to explain it to you.
550
00:30:07,625 --> 00:30:09,250
The cross teetered forward.
551
00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:12,125
No one wants to fall on their face.
552
00:30:12,916 --> 00:30:14,333
It's human instinct.
553
00:30:14,416 --> 00:30:16,416
You touch a hot pan… "Fuck!"
554
00:30:16,958 --> 00:30:18,166
You can't hold back.
555
00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:21,875
He was dead.
The cross teetered and he went…
556
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:33,041
"That was a fast three days, man."
557
00:30:33,125 --> 00:30:35,416
That's how I learned it wasn't Jesus
558
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,458
and fell in love with theater.
559
00:30:38,041 --> 00:30:41,333
I discovered
people could play other people.
560
00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:42,833
I didn't know that.
561
00:30:42,916 --> 00:30:44,916
I fell in love with theater.
562
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,250
I'd do anything to see it,
563
00:30:47,333 --> 00:30:49,166
even if the cast wasn't famous.
564
00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:53,750
Because, out in the boonies,
we always get someone from a telenovela.
565
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:56,666
"Oh, that guy from Senhora do Destino."
566
00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,083
Everyone would go.
567
00:30:58,166 --> 00:31:00,916
Sometimes there wouldn't be
any celebrities.
568
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,458
But even someone with a weird name, I'd…
569
00:31:04,625 --> 00:31:09,291
I'd want to go and tell my friends,
"Look, Eduardo Spalastrines is coming."
570
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:12,541
"Who the fuck is that?"
571
00:31:12,625 --> 00:31:15,291
"He must be good with a name like that."
572
00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:17,375
I'd be at school… "Did you see?"
573
00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:19,958
"What?" "Eduardo Spalastrines is coming!"
574
00:31:20,541 --> 00:31:22,541
"Who?" I'd say, "No idea, man."
575
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:25,125
"Let's find out together!"
576
00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:26,791
And I'd go see it.
577
00:31:27,666 --> 00:31:30,041
Theater is hard in small towns.
578
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,166
My town has 30,000 people.
579
00:31:32,250 --> 00:31:35,625
My mom's town,
where I'm talking about, has 2,000 people.
580
00:31:36,583 --> 00:31:37,791
Dudes there are sexist.
581
00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:40,791
They don't want to act or wear a tunic.
582
00:31:40,875 --> 00:31:43,541
"I'm not putting on a dress, man."
583
00:31:43,625 --> 00:31:45,750
They don't want to wear angel wings.
584
00:31:45,833 --> 00:31:49,625
If you want to save a seat out there,
just draw a dick on it.
585
00:31:50,708 --> 00:31:52,708
No one will sit in it.
586
00:31:53,458 --> 00:31:59,083
Dude could be coming off a 12-hour shift,
see it and go, "These fucking guys."
587
00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:02,208
"They're fucking with me." He won't sit!
588
00:32:04,291 --> 00:32:07,416
So the whole theater in my town was gay.
589
00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:11,875
Little kids wanted to be engineers,
but they'd be forced into the theater.
590
00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:14,625
The play asked,
"Should we let Jesus or Barabbas go?"
591
00:32:14,708 --> 00:32:15,958
Everyone, "Barabbas!"
592
00:32:17,750 --> 00:32:18,750
Jumping around.
593
00:32:19,458 --> 00:32:20,291
It was crazy.
594
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:25,125
Theater is hard
because there aren't enough microphones.
595
00:32:26,041 --> 00:32:28,833
That's 300 actors.
There's just not enough mics.
596
00:32:28,916 --> 00:32:31,000
So they'd record the lines instead.
597
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:34,666
They'd play the audio
and the actors would lip-synch.
598
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:39,625
But they record it in a studio,
they don't see the setting.
599
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,125
They don't see everyone dressed up.
They don't see Galilee.
600
00:32:44,041 --> 00:32:46,000
So there's no emotion. It's like…
601
00:32:46,666 --> 00:32:48,916
"I don't know."
602
00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:50,708
"I swear I don't know."
603
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:54,708
At rehearsal, everyone's dressed up,
beautiful scenery,
604
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,791
Pontius Pilate is there…
Then they play the audio.
605
00:32:58,291 --> 00:33:00,958
I don't know.
606
00:33:01,041 --> 00:33:02,416
I swear I don't know.
607
00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:05,791
What does he do?
He tries to outperform the voice.
608
00:33:05,875 --> 00:33:06,916
It's weird.
609
00:33:07,416 --> 00:33:09,416
It's like an episode of Naruto.
610
00:33:09,916 --> 00:33:11,250
The guy's like this…
611
00:33:11,333 --> 00:33:13,541
I don't know.
612
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:15,083
I swear I don't know.
613
00:33:25,041 --> 00:33:26,541
The world is ending, man.
614
00:33:28,916 --> 00:33:31,291
When the world is ending, you see it
615
00:33:31,375 --> 00:33:33,208
and you make decisions
616
00:33:33,291 --> 00:33:36,333
you might not make
if you were in your right mind.
617
00:33:37,125 --> 00:33:38,708
At the time, I thought,
618
00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:40,625
"I'm gonna fight PopĂł."
619
00:33:44,375 --> 00:33:45,875
But I didn't go in blind.
620
00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:47,750
I did my research.
621
00:33:48,833 --> 00:33:51,000
I did my homework. I read.
622
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:54,166
I learned the fundamentals of boxing.
623
00:33:55,208 --> 00:33:57,583
I like to know the theory behind things.
624
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,958
You ask me, "What's a joke?"
625
00:34:01,041 --> 00:34:03,250
I'll tell you, it's all about timing.
626
00:34:05,250 --> 00:34:07,416
There's no better definition.
627
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:08,833
It's all about timing.
628
00:34:08,916 --> 00:34:11,916
A terrible joke
at the right time is funny.
629
00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:14,000
"Damn, he pulled it off."
630
00:34:14,083 --> 00:34:16,750
A good joke at the wrong time? "Asshole."
631
00:34:16,833 --> 00:34:18,708
"How dare he say that."
632
00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:22,541
Timing changes everything.
633
00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:26,000
You don't need words
to laugh with your best friend.
634
00:34:26,083 --> 00:34:28,750
It just takes one look
and your friend's like…
635
00:34:31,166 --> 00:34:35,375
You turn away so you don't laugh.
You're like, "Stop it, dude. Stop."
636
00:34:36,458 --> 00:34:39,041
"Stop it. There's a dead body here, man."
637
00:34:39,666 --> 00:34:40,625
"Don't do that."
638
00:34:42,958 --> 00:34:47,458
Boxing is about
the right move at the right time.
639
00:34:47,541 --> 00:34:49,083
The physics of the body.
640
00:34:49,166 --> 00:34:51,500
"Punch me." And you punch all wrong.
641
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,750
But you learn.
642
00:34:53,833 --> 00:34:58,250
"Turn your hip and leg
so you generate mechanical power."
643
00:34:58,750 --> 00:35:01,291
"You'll punch harder
than you knew possible."
644
00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:02,291
I learned that.
645
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,500
I just forgot one tiny thing.
646
00:35:06,916 --> 00:35:09,000
PopĂł already knew all of that.
647
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:12,375
He's known it for 30 years.
648
00:35:13,833 --> 00:35:18,500
Round one. I got my ass
beat so bad, it was embarrassing.
649
00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:21,708
They yelled, "Go!"
And my head went back like…
650
00:35:22,958 --> 00:35:25,958
I was like, "What was that?"
Then it happened again.
651
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:29,666
PopĂł wasn't even doing anything,
he was just like this…
652
00:35:30,458 --> 00:35:32,125
I was like, "What the hell?"
653
00:35:33,125 --> 00:35:35,916
The first round ended
and I sat down, confused.
654
00:35:36,916 --> 00:35:39,208
Round two. "I just need to focus."
655
00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:41,666
One second in, and my head did it again.
656
00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:43,500
I thought, "Dude…"
657
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,416
"It must be in my head."
658
00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:49,625
I'm trying to convince myself.
The brain is so powerful.
659
00:35:50,333 --> 00:35:51,958
I'm facing my opponent.
660
00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:55,125
He might be hitting me,
but I can't feel it. Crazy.
661
00:35:55,208 --> 00:35:56,708
My head kept going…
662
00:35:56,791 --> 00:35:59,166
I thought Tirullipa was pulling my hair.
663
00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:02,291
"Knock if off!"
It kept happening, "Knock it off!"
664
00:36:03,666 --> 00:36:06,416
After the second round,
I looked at the screen.
665
00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:09,166
I saw PopĂł hitting me
and I thought, "My God."
666
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,625
In slow motion,
his hand looked like a chameleon's tongue…
667
00:36:13,125 --> 00:36:15,333
He'd bring it back like, "Damn!"
668
00:36:15,916 --> 00:36:20,125
Third round,
I got beat like a rug on cleaning day.
669
00:36:21,541 --> 00:36:24,333
When your mom
wants to clean that really dirty rug,
670
00:36:24,416 --> 00:36:27,500
so she hangs it up
and beats its ass with a squeegee.
671
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,375
That's how I felt. It was eight rounds.
672
00:36:30,875 --> 00:36:32,875
But it was only a fight for three.
673
00:36:33,708 --> 00:36:37,208
After that,
it was clearly attempted murder.
674
00:36:37,875 --> 00:36:42,625
On live television.
Everyone saw it and no one did anything!
675
00:36:43,625 --> 00:36:46,333
"I love you." You didn't that day!
676
00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:50,625
My whole life changed in the fourth round.
677
00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:54,250
It really did.
This is my testimony I'm sharing.
678
00:36:55,625 --> 00:36:57,083
I can tell you for sure
679
00:36:57,166 --> 00:37:00,583
that I'm a comedian,
an actor, a singer, and above all
680
00:37:00,666 --> 00:37:01,791
I am a survivor.
681
00:37:02,958 --> 00:37:07,083
I agree that until the third round,
it was safe for broadcast TV.
682
00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:09,416
From round four on,
it was Pornhub material.
683
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,541
"Old man spanks shit out of schoolboy."
684
00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:15,833
It was crazy.
685
00:37:15,916 --> 00:37:20,041
Everything changed in round four,
because I made PopĂł change strategies.
686
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:22,541
Until then, he was only hitting my face.
687
00:37:22,625 --> 00:37:25,708
Three rounds of getting hit in the face.
I went numb.
688
00:37:26,291 --> 00:37:29,458
I started advancing.
It was already broken, right?
689
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:32,250
What good is a nose, anyways?
690
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:33,833
Who needs it?
691
00:37:34,375 --> 00:37:35,916
He noticed.
692
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,125
Then he punched me
in the ear for the first time.
693
00:37:39,208 --> 00:37:41,416
That was the moment everyone saw,
694
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:44,250
when I went
looking for Vitor Belfort, Anderson Silva,
695
00:37:44,333 --> 00:37:45,458
Mike Tyson…
696
00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:47,541
I was terrified.
697
00:37:47,625 --> 00:37:50,166
But I can explain what happened.
698
00:37:50,250 --> 00:37:52,791
When he landed that punch on my ear…
699
00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:56,583
the bell rang.
700
00:37:59,541 --> 00:38:01,166
But in my head,
701
00:38:01,250 --> 00:38:03,625
the bell rang for the rest of the match.
702
00:38:06,125 --> 00:38:07,875
I didn't realize it was over.
703
00:38:07,958 --> 00:38:10,125
PopĂł left and I was still looking for him.
704
00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:11,791
"Where is that old fuck?"
705
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:15,541
When I saw him sitting there,
I said, "Tired, huh?"
706
00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:19,083
"You're old!"
And the referee went, "Sit down."
707
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,916
I went, "Oh, my bad. Sorry."
708
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,000
I sat down.
709
00:38:24,333 --> 00:38:25,250
By round five,
710
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:28,500
the "P" of my "PiauĂ"
tattoo had fallen down my leg.
711
00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:32,500
The "Ă" went up my ass.
I'm still looking for the accent.
712
00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:38,750
Round six,
713
00:38:38,833 --> 00:38:41,875
I don't remember, man. Round six…
714
00:38:42,708 --> 00:38:45,000
It comes in flashes.
715
00:38:45,083 --> 00:38:46,083
An image appears…
716
00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:48,166
Then it's gone, you know?
717
00:38:49,291 --> 00:38:52,916
I remember something, "No!"
Then it fades to black again.
718
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,291
I remember the seventh round.
719
00:38:55,375 --> 00:38:57,916
I remember it because I thought, "Dude…"
720
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,416
"I could start kicking."
721
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:01,958
"When he's not looking…"
722
00:39:04,791 --> 00:39:05,791
But you can't.
723
00:39:07,208 --> 00:39:09,708
The ethics of boxing are,
"Above the belt."
724
00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:12,666
By the eighth round,
725
00:39:13,291 --> 00:39:15,875
I was enjoying the fight in a new way.
726
00:39:17,166 --> 00:39:20,250
I wasn't there
with PopĂł anymore, you know?
727
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:23,291
PopĂł was fighting my body.
728
00:39:24,458 --> 00:39:27,833
I was looking in
from the outside "transcenscendentially."
729
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:33,125
I watched myself getting beat,
like, "It's almost like he likes it."
730
00:39:33,208 --> 00:39:34,791
"So unnecessary."
731
00:39:34,875 --> 00:39:37,125
I looked around and saw people
732
00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,583
I knew weren't there.
733
00:39:40,166 --> 00:39:42,541
Michael Jackson was up there. "Come on!"
734
00:39:43,875 --> 00:39:46,708
"You don't need to prove anything."
I went, "No!"
735
00:39:47,291 --> 00:39:50,041
"I'm watching. Checking the place out."
736
00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:52,333
I looked… I saw a ton of people, man.
737
00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:55,375
My mom didn't go, but my dad did.
738
00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:57,875
Did you see me laughing out there?
739
00:39:57,958 --> 00:39:59,500
Getting beat and laughing?
740
00:40:00,875 --> 00:40:02,791
I was watching my dad in the audience.
741
00:40:03,291 --> 00:40:06,041
My dad would stay up
all night to watch Popó.
742
00:40:07,416 --> 00:40:10,833
Now he's watching PopĂł
kick his son's ass. Can you imagine?
743
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:14,791
My dad was so amped.
He was cheering like I'd never seen.
744
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:17,666
"Go, PopĂł!"
745
00:40:20,750 --> 00:40:22,041
My God.
746
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:24,083
Jeez!
747
00:40:25,541 --> 00:40:27,541
Oh, man… But the fight ended.
748
00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:30,500
It was a tie.
749
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:33,791
Fuck you! You don't make the call.
750
00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:35,833
The referee does.
751
00:40:37,416 --> 00:40:39,250
The referee raised PopĂł's hand.
752
00:40:40,208 --> 00:40:41,708
Jesus raised mine.
753
00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:44,333
Everyone was happy.
754
00:40:45,375 --> 00:40:47,166
I got pissed at my friends.
755
00:40:47,250 --> 00:40:49,625
I was mad. They were making fun of me.
756
00:40:49,708 --> 00:40:50,833
I was like, "Dude…"
757
00:40:51,458 --> 00:40:53,333
"The fight was on too late."
758
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:56,958
"I almost fell asleep."
I said, "What about me?"
759
00:40:58,375 --> 00:41:00,791
Jesus. That's a rude thing to say.
760
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:04,125
People ask me all the time,
"Could you have kept going?"
761
00:41:04,875 --> 00:41:06,166
I always tell them
762
00:41:06,250 --> 00:41:09,750
I'd have gone another 20 rounds
if it had just been me and PopĂł.
763
00:41:10,375 --> 00:41:13,875
The problem is
that it was me, PopĂł, and Tirullipa.
764
00:41:14,458 --> 00:41:16,666
How can you focus for eight rounds
765
00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:19,500
with Tirullipa yelling,
"Don't kill him, PopĂł!"
766
00:41:19,583 --> 00:41:20,833
You can't.
767
00:41:21,958 --> 00:41:23,125
You can't.
768
00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:28,166
Tirullipa is amazing.
He's the king of communicating.
769
00:41:29,208 --> 00:41:31,541
We share that, which is why I love him.
770
00:41:31,625 --> 00:41:32,833
We're communicators.
771
00:41:32,916 --> 00:41:36,500
I realized that being
part of different circles is eye-opening.
772
00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:39,125
I didn't always see the value of theater.
773
00:41:39,208 --> 00:41:40,916
I thought it was a waste of money.
774
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:44,583
After I went, I understood.
You participate in it.
775
00:41:44,666 --> 00:41:47,500
That's one reason
I wanted to do this show here.
776
00:41:47,583 --> 00:41:49,791
There's a huge contrast
777
00:41:49,875 --> 00:41:52,791
between performing here
and performing in PiauĂ.
778
00:41:53,458 --> 00:41:54,958
When I do shows here,
779
00:41:55,041 --> 00:41:58,583
I can go all night
and everyone will laugh and have fun.
780
00:41:58,666 --> 00:42:00,958
In PiauĂ, when it gets close to midnight,
781
00:42:01,041 --> 00:42:03,958
people start going,
"All right, son. Wrap it up."
782
00:42:05,291 --> 00:42:08,875
"It's gonna be like The Walking Dead
out there. You wanna fight them?"
783
00:42:09,541 --> 00:42:12,125
It's different. The level of safety.
784
00:42:12,208 --> 00:42:15,083
Only Brazilians…
I've been to 70 countries.
785
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:18,458
I've never seen anyone anywhere go,
"Where's my phone?"
786
00:42:20,208 --> 00:42:21,041
Just us.
787
00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:24,291
Because we know it takes five minutes
788
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:27,541
for that phone
to travel across four different states.
789
00:42:28,458 --> 00:42:29,958
We know, all right?
790
00:42:30,041 --> 00:42:31,958
We were raised this way.
791
00:42:32,041 --> 00:42:35,333
When you're born and raised in Teresina,
792
00:42:35,416 --> 00:42:37,458
you have the Teresina mentality.
793
00:42:37,541 --> 00:42:39,375
If you're born in Porto,
794
00:42:39,458 --> 00:42:42,125
you're raised in Porto, you grow up…
795
00:42:42,208 --> 00:42:44,583
you have a different mentality.
796
00:42:44,666 --> 00:42:47,041
I see the difference when I go out here.
797
00:42:47,125 --> 00:42:49,958
You're eating
with your phones on the table.
798
00:42:50,041 --> 00:42:51,791
I see them and I go, "Damn…"
799
00:42:51,875 --> 00:42:55,000
"I'm not even a thief
and I want to rob these people."
800
00:42:55,833 --> 00:42:58,541
"They're making it so easy."
801
00:42:59,833 --> 00:43:01,791
Seriously! No way.
802
00:43:03,375 --> 00:43:04,666
I wanna steal it.
803
00:43:06,625 --> 00:43:07,625
Dumb mistake.
804
00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:11,458
But your police are efficient.
They'll come arrest me.
805
00:43:12,250 --> 00:43:14,625
In Brazil, they blame the victim.
806
00:43:15,583 --> 00:43:16,958
It's your fault.
807
00:43:17,708 --> 00:43:19,041
You're standing there…
808
00:43:19,125 --> 00:43:20,875
"They stole my phone!" "Where?"
809
00:43:20,958 --> 00:43:25,125
"In front of the theater."
"You were asking for it. At this hour?"
810
00:43:25,208 --> 00:43:29,708
"I know you were calling an Uber,
but at this hour? Come on."
811
00:43:29,791 --> 00:43:33,750
"Let's help! Where did they go?"
"Down that alley." The guy goes, "Yikes."
812
00:43:34,541 --> 00:43:37,333
"You're never getting that back!
It's gone."
813
00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:39,125
"That's a dangerous alley."
814
00:43:40,666 --> 00:43:44,166
It's so different.
Some things you have to see for yourself.
815
00:43:44,250 --> 00:43:47,291
It's a shame
traveling is so expensive, man.
816
00:43:47,916 --> 00:43:51,041
If only everyone could see other cultures.
817
00:43:51,625 --> 00:43:52,500
I had a joke…
818
00:43:52,583 --> 00:43:55,625
Who watched my last show,
My Own Show, on Netflix?
819
00:43:57,416 --> 00:43:58,916
Thank you. That's right.
820
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:02,916
Do you remember the joke
about greetings across the world? Namaste?
821
00:44:03,958 --> 00:44:05,958
There's another part to that joke.
822
00:44:06,666 --> 00:44:08,333
It never made it to Netflix.
823
00:44:08,875 --> 00:44:10,125
There's another part.
824
00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:14,250
My friend said,
"That joke about India is so good."
825
00:44:14,333 --> 00:44:18,000
"Why didn't you tell it
on the Netflix show?" I said, "I did."
826
00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:20,666
He said, "No, you didn't."
I said, "Yes, I did."
827
00:44:20,750 --> 00:44:23,166
He said, "No." I said, "Yes."
828
00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:25,708
He said, "No."
829
00:44:25,791 --> 00:44:29,041
I said, "Dude,
I'm the person who tells that joke."
830
00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:32,125
"Of course I did." He said, "Watch."
831
00:44:32,208 --> 00:44:33,708
So I put it on.
832
00:44:33,791 --> 00:44:36,250
After the greetings joke,
it jumps to Africa.
833
00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:39,458
"Damn, they cut my joke." I was bummed.
834
00:44:40,041 --> 00:44:41,583
This is my work.
835
00:44:41,666 --> 00:44:44,916
I'm like a painter.
This show is my painting.
836
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,958
It takes a long time to make, to research.
You give it your all.
837
00:44:49,041 --> 00:44:52,875
Do you really think
I know about everything I'm telling you?
838
00:44:52,958 --> 00:44:55,583
Do you think
I've ever seen a peregrine falcon?
839
00:44:57,375 --> 00:45:01,041
Of course not. We do research
to make sure everything works.
840
00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:04,833
Then we test our jokes out
in Salvador, or Aracaju, or wherever.
841
00:45:04,916 --> 00:45:07,583
"They laughed at this.
Let's take that out."
842
00:45:07,666 --> 00:45:10,291
It's like a chess game,
getting it dialed in.
843
00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:13,333
Then they go and cut
a joke I went to India to get?
844
00:45:15,333 --> 00:45:16,708
You can't cut that.
845
00:45:16,791 --> 00:45:19,500
When you buy a painting
and don't like a rock in it,
846
00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:21,208
do you paint over the rock?
847
00:45:21,958 --> 00:45:24,083
No, this is art. Interpret it.
848
00:45:24,166 --> 00:45:25,375
Deal with it.
849
00:45:25,458 --> 00:45:27,208
Give the rock a new meaning.
850
00:45:27,708 --> 00:45:30,375
I was so mad they cut it,
so I called Netflix.
851
00:45:31,166 --> 00:45:32,250
"Hello, Netflix."
852
00:45:33,958 --> 00:45:35,083
"Where are you?"
853
00:45:36,958 --> 00:45:40,458
Who knows? They could
be having coffee in a Tesla somewhere.
854
00:45:41,791 --> 00:45:43,708
"My joke." "That wasn't us."
855
00:45:44,208 --> 00:45:47,166
"Jeez." So I called my managers,
"Where's my joke?"
856
00:45:47,916 --> 00:45:52,833
"We took it out because we thought
it might get you in trouble in India."
857
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,416
I said, "Yeah, cut that joke. Good call."
858
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,916
"I don't want problems in India.
A billion people hating me? No."
859
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,333
That could kill a guy.
860
00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:05,250
One billion people hating you at once?
861
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:06,291
You go…
862
00:46:06,958 --> 00:46:08,250
I don't want that.
863
00:46:08,875 --> 00:46:11,916
"But let me explain it to you,
maybe you'll see."
864
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,333
They came over and I told them the joke.
865
00:46:14,416 --> 00:46:16,041
I refreshed their memories.
866
00:46:16,833 --> 00:46:19,666
I was talking about greetings
around the world. Namaste.
867
00:46:20,166 --> 00:46:21,708
They say namaste in India.
868
00:46:22,333 --> 00:46:25,000
The divine in me
recognizes the divine in you.
869
00:46:26,166 --> 00:46:29,166
I thought it was strange
because it's so spiritual.
870
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:31,541
Sometimes you have bad news.
871
00:46:31,625 --> 00:46:33,833
How can you give bad news after that?
872
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:37,750
"The divine in me
recognizes the divine in you."
873
00:46:37,833 --> 00:46:40,458
"Juninho fell off
his bike and died." No way…
874
00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:42,333
It's different.
875
00:46:42,416 --> 00:46:44,541
But I get it, everyone has their greeting.
876
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:46,666
In SĂŁo Paulo, it's a kiss.
877
00:46:46,750 --> 00:46:49,125
In Rio de Janeiro, two kisses. Done.
878
00:46:49,708 --> 00:46:51,541
In Switzerland, three kisses.
879
00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:55,833
In Greece, I wouldn't kiss anyone.
Greek kisses are a little…
880
00:46:56,625 --> 00:46:57,833
It's more intimate.
881
00:46:57,916 --> 00:47:00,291
You can't just kiss people's assholes.
882
00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:01,500
It's unnecessary.
883
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,291
It's not necessary.
884
00:47:07,625 --> 00:47:10,875
In Greece, just greet people
like we do in the country.
885
00:47:11,625 --> 00:47:13,458
We just make up sounds, like…
886
00:47:14,583 --> 00:47:15,958
then leave.
887
00:47:16,041 --> 00:47:17,041
The other person…
888
00:47:18,333 --> 00:47:19,166
then leaves.
889
00:47:19,666 --> 00:47:23,541
No one said anything,
but a conversation was had.
890
00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:28,291
And in India, namaste.
891
00:47:28,375 --> 00:47:30,375
And I respect that. We're good.
892
00:47:30,458 --> 00:47:32,458
One day, I was leaving a museum.
893
00:47:32,541 --> 00:47:35,083
I visited a museum
and then took a tuk-tuk.
894
00:47:35,791 --> 00:47:38,750
You've seen them in movies.
You might have them here.
895
00:47:38,833 --> 00:47:40,625
It's like a mototaxi.
896
00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:44,791
You hop on the back and the guy drives.
I was sitting back there…
897
00:47:45,416 --> 00:47:47,208
Chilling, looking at India.
898
00:47:47,291 --> 00:47:48,750
"Wow, how cool."
899
00:47:49,250 --> 00:47:52,083
We're heading to the hotel
and suddenly he stops.
900
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:54,500
He turns it off.
901
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,416
I see we've stopped,
so I ask, "Hey, bud, are we good?"
902
00:47:59,000 --> 00:47:59,958
"What happened?"
903
00:48:00,041 --> 00:48:03,083
He points to three cows lying in the road.
904
00:48:03,833 --> 00:48:06,208
He said, "The cow has lain."
905
00:48:07,833 --> 00:48:11,166
I've never heard a sentence
like that in my life.
906
00:48:11,666 --> 00:48:13,875
"The cow has lain." Never.
907
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:18,458
It sounds like a saying.
"I can't make it. The cow has lain."
908
00:48:18,541 --> 00:48:22,583
Since I'd never heard it,
I just said whatever came to mind.
909
00:48:22,666 --> 00:48:24,000
"The cow has lain."
910
00:48:24,750 --> 00:48:27,000
I went, "Poor thing must be tired."
911
00:48:27,791 --> 00:48:29,541
"We can't just go around?"
912
00:48:30,583 --> 00:48:32,208
He said, "No." I asked why.
913
00:48:32,291 --> 00:48:33,833
"Cows are sacred here."
914
00:48:35,041 --> 00:48:38,250
"Are they sacred in your country?"
"Yes, of course."
915
00:48:38,875 --> 00:48:41,583
"They're sacred every Sunday. We always…"
916
00:48:41,666 --> 00:48:45,125
"But let's not get into that.
You might get hurt."
917
00:48:45,208 --> 00:48:47,041
I already knew that about cows,
918
00:48:47,125 --> 00:48:51,375
because I met an Indian guy
at a barbecue in São José dos Campos.
919
00:48:51,875 --> 00:48:53,791
And I asked him.
920
00:48:53,875 --> 00:48:55,958
I'm thinking, "I'm leaving."
921
00:48:56,041 --> 00:48:58,666
"I don't live here, I'm leaving anyway."
922
00:48:58,750 --> 00:48:59,625
"I'll ask."
923
00:49:00,250 --> 00:49:02,666
I asked, "Aren't cows sacred to you?"
924
00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:04,083
He said, "Over there."
925
00:49:05,750 --> 00:49:07,250
I said, "Got it."
926
00:49:07,875 --> 00:49:10,375
It's globalization at its best. I get it.
927
00:49:10,916 --> 00:49:12,208
I'm respecting the cows.
928
00:49:12,291 --> 00:49:15,333
I was already respecting namaste,
now the cows too.
929
00:49:15,416 --> 00:49:16,625
I was being
930
00:49:17,166 --> 00:49:18,916
about 98% respectful.
931
00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:22,375
The other 2%
was giving the cow suggestions.
932
00:49:22,875 --> 00:49:25,708
If she wanted to.
I'd roll down the window, like…
933
00:49:30,458 --> 00:49:32,208
"Move, you stupid cow!"
934
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:34,750
The cow didn't care.
935
00:49:37,666 --> 00:49:39,000
She didn't understand.
936
00:49:40,958 --> 00:49:42,333
I just waited.
937
00:49:42,416 --> 00:49:44,416
I know, I'm a comedian.
938
00:49:44,500 --> 00:49:46,708
We joke. We make things up.
939
00:49:46,791 --> 00:49:49,291
We exaggerate. Not everything is funny.
940
00:49:49,375 --> 00:49:52,791
We add a little color.
But I'm not making this up.
941
00:49:53,833 --> 00:49:57,041
I was looking around,
and when I looked next to me,
942
00:49:57,125 --> 00:49:59,791
a kid was taking a dump right by the taxi.
943
00:50:00,416 --> 00:50:02,708
Looking me in the eyes.
944
00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:07,166
I said, "This kid is shitting
and looking me in the eye."
945
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:09,708
"No way I'm gonna let him do that."
946
00:50:22,625 --> 00:50:23,541
Nothing.
947
00:50:24,708 --> 00:50:26,041
It didn't do anything.
948
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,416
I'm not making this up.
I'm just retelling.
949
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,583
The kid finished shitting,
950
00:50:31,666 --> 00:50:33,291
wiped his hand in the dirt…
951
00:50:38,458 --> 00:50:39,583
I'm just retelling.
952
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:43,000
Wiped his hand in the dirt again…
953
00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:45,541
waved goodbye
954
00:50:46,958 --> 00:50:48,875
with his little breaded hand…
955
00:50:50,083 --> 00:50:53,250
He disappeared into the cars.
I was in shock, like…
956
00:50:55,666 --> 00:50:58,875
"That kid wiped his ass with his hand
right in front of me."
957
00:50:58,958 --> 00:51:00,041
"Oh my God."
958
00:51:00,125 --> 00:51:03,875
"Ew!" And the cows stood up
like a miracle from God.
959
00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,958
The taxi left,
but I couldn't fold my arms.
960
00:51:07,041 --> 00:51:09,791
It was like he'd thrown shit on me.
I was like…
961
00:51:09,875 --> 00:51:13,000
"Oh, my God.
That kid wiped his ass with his hand."
962
00:51:13,583 --> 00:51:15,208
I was wearing a Brazil shirt.
963
00:51:15,791 --> 00:51:18,583
When I got to the hotel,
I paid the driver,
964
00:51:18,666 --> 00:51:21,375
and when I turn to leave, he goes, "Hey!"
965
00:51:21,458 --> 00:51:23,208
"Are you Brazilian?"
966
00:51:23,875 --> 00:51:26,208
"Yeah, why?"
"Don't you shake hands in Brazil?"
967
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:27,541
I said, "Over there."
968
00:51:29,250 --> 00:51:30,291
"Namaste."
969
00:51:37,916 --> 00:51:40,458
When I finished,
my managers were like this…
970
00:51:41,958 --> 00:51:46,125
"You think I'm saying everyone in India
wipes their ass with their hand?"
971
00:51:48,041 --> 00:51:49,083
"You didn't get it."
972
00:51:49,166 --> 00:51:50,750
"This is a joke
973
00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:53,083
about the sewage system."
974
00:51:58,250 --> 00:51:59,125
Damn!
975
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:08,833
If it's a problem in Brazil,
with 240 million people,
976
00:52:08,916 --> 00:52:12,333
imagine what it's like
somewhere with a billion people.
977
00:52:12,416 --> 00:52:14,375
Experience teaches you things.
978
00:52:14,458 --> 00:52:17,583
I've noticed on my travels,
979
00:52:17,666 --> 00:52:20,333
and I've been to nearly 70 countries,
980
00:52:20,416 --> 00:52:21,916
that music is a constant.
981
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,375
Two things
bring people together. Laughter…
982
00:52:24,458 --> 00:52:26,708
you laugh because of synergy.
983
00:52:26,791 --> 00:52:29,666
Maybe you're here
and you don't think it's funny,
984
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:31,875
but you laugh because everyone else is.
985
00:52:31,958 --> 00:52:36,000
You might not want to clap,
but everyone else is, so, "Okay."
986
00:52:36,500 --> 00:52:38,666
That's called synergy.
987
00:52:39,541 --> 00:52:41,333
I get asked about music a lot.
988
00:52:41,875 --> 00:52:42,916
"How do you do it?"
989
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,541
"You do so much.
You do comedy, you act, you get beat up."
990
00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:48,750
"You've always got…"
991
00:52:49,916 --> 00:52:53,958
Not many people know how to make a song,
where to start, what to do.
992
00:52:54,041 --> 00:52:56,125
They ask, "Do you write it first?"
993
00:52:56,208 --> 00:52:58,791
"What comes first?
The genre or the words?"
994
00:52:59,375 --> 00:53:00,375
Here's what I do.
995
00:53:01,083 --> 00:53:03,083
I made "Girassol" at a time
996
00:53:03,166 --> 00:53:05,958
when I needed
to express myself in that way.
997
00:53:06,041 --> 00:53:08,833
When talking to dramatic people,
998
00:53:08,916 --> 00:53:10,833
you have to speak accordingly.
999
00:53:10,916 --> 00:53:14,625
When talking to rude people,
you have to be ready for their rudeness.
1000
00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:18,000
You have to think
of what feeling you want to convey.
1001
00:53:18,083 --> 00:53:20,583
If I want to move people,
I can't make Axé music.
1002
00:53:21,250 --> 00:53:23,750
If they're dancing, they won't be moved.
1003
00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:25,750
A guy with earphones, crying…
1004
00:53:26,375 --> 00:53:28,750
You ask what's wrong,
he says, "Léo Santana."
1005
00:53:29,458 --> 00:53:32,250
There's no way. It's not happening.
1006
00:53:32,333 --> 00:53:34,375
So, I chose this melody…
1007
00:53:37,416 --> 00:53:39,708
To talk about fame.
1008
00:53:41,250 --> 00:53:42,916
To talk about…
1009
00:53:44,083 --> 00:53:45,166
what I go through.
1010
00:53:46,541 --> 00:53:49,750
The good side and the bad.
It's not all bad.
1011
00:53:49,833 --> 00:53:53,541
Celebrities complain about privacy,
but they love a shoutout.
1012
00:53:53,625 --> 00:53:56,083
They love posting their free hotel.
So do I.
1013
00:53:56,166 --> 00:53:58,750
If you take your phone out,
you won't spend a dime.
1014
00:53:58,833 --> 00:54:01,208
You just do this and it's paid for.
1015
00:54:01,708 --> 00:54:05,166
But I give up a lot. Privacy.
Sometimes I want to disappear.
1016
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:08,208
Go live with Neymar
and perform for him only.
1017
00:54:08,291 --> 00:54:11,083
"I'll perform for you.
'Good morning, Menino Ney!'"
1018
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:12,708
"I'll do it for you."
1019
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:16,125
Some things you just can't stand anymore.
1020
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,875
I get presents with my face on them.
I don't want to see that. Can't stand it.
1021
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,625
My employees take the clothes I don't use.
1022
00:54:24,708 --> 00:54:27,708
They come and go
with my face on their T-shirts.
1023
00:54:27,791 --> 00:54:29,250
It makes you crazy.
1024
00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:33,000
People film me peeing in public bathrooms.
1025
00:54:33,958 --> 00:54:35,250
I've told Luan.
1026
00:54:35,333 --> 00:54:37,583
"Luan, the next person
who films me peeing,
1027
00:54:37,666 --> 00:54:39,291
I'm gonna pee on them."
1028
00:54:40,916 --> 00:54:43,625
My friends only want kids
if I'm the godfather.
1029
00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,750
Is this Whindersson's bitcoin market now?
1030
00:54:47,833 --> 00:54:48,750
No way.
1031
00:54:51,291 --> 00:54:53,416
What do I do with all this?
1032
00:54:53,500 --> 00:54:55,250
I choose the best way
1033
00:54:56,083 --> 00:54:58,458
to fit it into a beautiful,
meaningful song.
1034
00:54:58,541 --> 00:55:00,166
That's why you like my parodies.
1035
00:55:00,250 --> 00:55:03,458
They're so similar to the original
that you don't need the video.
1036
00:55:03,541 --> 00:55:05,791
Just hearing it is good enough.
1037
00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:09,666
I'd like you to be my choir today, okay?
1038
00:55:09,750 --> 00:55:13,166
The lower and upper sections
will do different things.
1039
00:55:15,083 --> 00:55:16,875
This is the melody you'll use…
1040
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:33,208
Then you go…
1041
00:55:37,916 --> 00:55:39,916
That's it. One, two, three…
1042
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,750
One, two, three.
1043
00:55:44,791 --> 00:55:45,625
I'll say,
1044
00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:46,958
I pay my way with…
1045
00:55:51,875 --> 00:55:53,625
I pay with shoutouts
1046
00:55:55,250 --> 00:55:58,041
I pay with shoutouts
1047
00:55:58,125 --> 00:56:00,375
Nice. The lower section does the…
1048
00:56:03,041 --> 00:56:04,750
And the upper section goes…
1049
00:56:04,833 --> 00:56:05,666
Okay?
1050
00:56:06,375 --> 00:56:09,416
You pay less, you do less.
That's how it works.
1051
00:56:10,708 --> 00:56:11,625
Yeah.
1052
00:56:11,708 --> 00:56:13,791
The front row is like, "Hell, yeah."
1053
00:56:16,791 --> 00:56:18,458
When a conductor is working,
1054
00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:22,791
he uses his left hand
to indicate specific people.
1055
00:56:22,875 --> 00:56:26,000
He raises both hands
to ask for more vocal range.
1056
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,333
When he lowers them, they sing gently.
1057
00:56:29,416 --> 00:56:31,750
So pay attention to my "handses."
1058
00:56:34,166 --> 00:56:37,291
I'm using auto-tune because
people say I look like Post Malone.
1059
00:56:37,375 --> 00:56:39,458
So I'm leaning into it.
1060
00:56:45,291 --> 00:56:47,291
I pay with shoutouts
1061
00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:50,375
I pay with shoutouts
1062
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,333
I pay with shoutouts
1063
00:57:01,583 --> 00:57:03,541
I pay with shoutouts
1064
00:57:03,625 --> 00:57:05,916
Give yourself a hand. That was great.
1065
00:57:34,916 --> 00:57:36,916
Everyone knows my name
1066
00:57:38,250 --> 00:57:40,750
Even though it's odd
1067
00:57:46,708 --> 00:57:49,041
You said you're a huge fan
1068
00:57:50,083 --> 00:57:52,708
But you call me Anderson
1069
00:57:55,416 --> 00:57:56,333
It happens.
1070
00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:01,333
It's been so long
1071
00:58:02,333 --> 00:58:05,000
Since everything changed
1072
00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:12,958
You said tickets are expensive
1073
00:58:14,041 --> 00:58:17,333
But they're sold out
1074
00:58:20,833 --> 00:58:23,791
I'm thinking about dropping everything
1075
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:28,416
And moving in with Menino Ney
1076
00:58:32,916 --> 00:58:35,875
But there's not enough room for my friends
1077
00:58:35,958 --> 00:58:40,541
And Menino Ney's friends
1078
00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,958
But when I go out
1079
00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:52,916
I don't have to worry
If someone is bringing cash
1080
00:58:56,958 --> 00:58:59,791
That's the only thing I like
1081
00:58:59,875 --> 00:59:04,875
The only thing good that came from fame
1082
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:06,541
Now you.
1083
00:59:08,458 --> 00:59:09,833
I pay with…
1084
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:16,041
I pay with shoutouts
1085
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:18,833
I pay with shoutouts
1086
00:59:25,875 --> 00:59:27,875
I pay with shoutouts
1087
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:31,166
I pay with shoutouts
1088
00:59:32,875 --> 00:59:36,708
You guys are definitely
the best choir I've had
1089
00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:38,625
on this tour.
1090
00:59:41,333 --> 00:59:42,166
Definitely.
1091
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,500
Very nice. Congrats.
1092
00:59:49,208 --> 00:59:51,208
I'm getting emotional. Thank you.
1093
00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:57,291
I love saying that.
I say it every time and they love it.
1094
01:00:00,291 --> 01:00:04,166
Many of you have likely
never gotten to see a choir.
1095
01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:06,333
Or you have but didn't pay attention.
1096
01:00:06,416 --> 01:00:08,000
Do you know what they do?
1097
01:00:08,083 --> 01:00:11,166
I'm not gonna let you leave here
1098
01:00:11,250 --> 01:00:14,375
without seeing
and understanding what they do.
1099
01:00:15,166 --> 01:00:17,000
They said I could name the choir,
1100
01:00:17,083 --> 01:00:20,541
so, please, give it up
1101
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:22,958
for the Backstreet Voices.
1102
01:00:23,458 --> 01:00:24,500
Make some noise.
1103
01:00:45,166 --> 01:00:46,416
A choir is made up
1104
01:00:47,166 --> 01:00:48,625
of four main voices.
1105
01:00:49,875 --> 01:00:50,875
Alto,
1106
01:00:51,833 --> 01:00:52,833
soprano,
1107
01:00:53,416 --> 01:00:55,500
bass, and tenor.
1108
01:00:56,708 --> 01:00:58,416
Four voices working together
1109
01:01:00,083 --> 01:01:01,750
to make one beautiful voice
1110
01:01:02,583 --> 01:01:04,083
that creates synergy
1111
01:01:05,166 --> 01:01:06,125
in this theater.
1112
01:01:06,208 --> 01:01:08,708
It gives you chills, makes you emotional.
1113
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:11,666
I'll show you each one.
1114
01:01:19,166 --> 01:01:22,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1115
01:01:22,625 --> 01:01:25,625
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1116
01:01:31,625 --> 01:01:34,708
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1117
01:01:34,791 --> 01:01:37,791
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1118
01:01:37,875 --> 01:01:38,875
Just the altos.
1119
01:01:44,041 --> 01:01:47,166
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1120
01:01:47,250 --> 01:01:50,833
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1121
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:51,750
Sopranos.
1122
01:01:56,458 --> 01:01:59,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1123
01:01:59,625 --> 01:02:03,333
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1124
01:02:03,416 --> 01:02:04,583
Bass.
1125
01:02:08,833 --> 01:02:12,041
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1126
01:02:12,125 --> 01:02:15,583
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1127
01:02:15,666 --> 01:02:16,583
Tenors.
1128
01:02:21,125 --> 01:02:24,333
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1129
01:02:24,416 --> 01:02:27,250
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1130
01:02:27,333 --> 01:02:28,416
Everyone together.
1131
01:02:34,041 --> 01:02:36,625
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1132
01:02:36,708 --> 01:02:43,666
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1133
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,208
Porto, make some noise
1134
01:03:01,416 --> 01:03:04,250
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1135
01:03:04,333 --> 01:03:08,833
I think that's great
1136
01:03:13,375 --> 01:03:16,333
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1137
01:03:16,416 --> 01:03:22,750
I think that's great
1138
01:03:22,833 --> 01:03:27,791
I have 56 godchildren
1139
01:03:27,875 --> 01:03:31,166
Whose names I don't know
1140
01:03:31,250 --> 01:03:35,250
Tirullipa
1141
01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:39,541
Twelve Enzos, nine JoĂŁos, fourteen Bias
1142
01:03:39,625 --> 01:03:43,125
Eight Josés and three Anas
1143
01:03:43,208 --> 01:03:47,000
No Sebastianas
1144
01:03:47,083 --> 01:03:51,791
And if I want to pee at a party
1145
01:03:51,875 --> 01:03:55,083
I take three security guards
1146
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:58,958
Security guards
1147
01:03:59,041 --> 01:04:03,541
I get shy peeing with three guys
1148
01:04:03,625 --> 01:04:06,916
Staring at my dong
1149
01:04:07,416 --> 01:04:13,458
My dong
1150
01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:24,666
No one believes it
When they see me at the bakery
1151
01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:28,125
It takes five or six seconds to sink in
1152
01:04:28,208 --> 01:04:31,500
They ask for photos
I take a video for their whole family
1153
01:04:31,583 --> 01:04:35,000
It's so cool
Meanwhile, my coffee is getting cold
1154
01:04:35,083 --> 01:04:38,291
One time I went in
And the owner kneeled down on the ground
1155
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:41,416
He thought I was there with Luciano Huck
1156
01:04:41,916 --> 01:04:45,125
He thought his old beater car
Was getting renovated
1157
01:04:45,208 --> 01:04:47,541
But I had to let him down
1158
01:04:47,625 --> 01:04:51,625
I just wanted some bread
1159
01:04:51,708 --> 01:04:55,250
Just wanted some bread
1160
01:04:55,333 --> 01:04:58,250
And I was paying with a shoutout
1161
01:05:01,291 --> 01:05:05,208
I just wanted some bread
1162
01:05:05,291 --> 01:05:08,708
Just wanted some bread
1163
01:05:08,791 --> 01:05:11,916
And I was paying with a shoutout
1164
01:05:13,708 --> 01:05:18,750
My dong
1165
01:05:18,833 --> 01:05:22,041
My dong
1166
01:05:22,125 --> 01:05:28,000
My dong
1167
01:05:28,083 --> 01:05:30,250
The most beautiful "dong"
you'll ever hear.
1168
01:05:30,333 --> 01:05:36,291
-My dong
-My dong
1169
01:05:36,375 --> 01:05:43,375
-My dong
-My dong
1170
01:05:48,416 --> 01:05:51,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1171
01:05:51,625 --> 01:05:56,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1172
01:06:01,208 --> 01:06:04,416
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1173
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:08,583
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts
1174
01:06:19,291 --> 01:06:20,291
Thank you, Porto!
1175
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:23,958
Good night!
1176
01:06:25,375 --> 01:06:26,791
Preaching to the Choir.
1177
01:06:27,541 --> 01:06:29,041
Thank you for the money.
1178
01:06:31,458 --> 01:06:33,958
This is our last one! I'll see you around.
1179
01:06:36,041 --> 01:06:38,541
See you around. Thanks, Porto!
1180
01:06:47,541 --> 01:06:49,541
Thank you, Porto!
1181
01:08:51,041 --> 01:08:52,916
Subtitle translation by: G.R.
84161