Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

Hey, hey, hey, Wacky Race fans,

this is big Brick Crashman here.

So, today's episode is based on the classic story

ofThe Tortoise and the Hare,

which teaches an important lesson

about not getting distracted during a race.

We have two special guest stars,

-Touche Turtle... -Howdy, folks.

-And-- -Ping, ping, ping!

-Hey! Um... -(CONTINUES PINGING)

-Whoa! -(CONTINUES PINGING)

Ricochet Rabbit!

Ooh! How are you guys feeling about today's race?

Ooh, I feel great, great, great, great,

'cause I'm not gonna get distracted.

Nope, not me, I'm gonna stay focused,

and, ooh, is that a butterfly?

Ooh, I feel fine.

And here are the other racers now.

-(BIRDS SCREECHING) -(ENGINES REVVING)

Let's get this mandatory melee moving,

you motorized mugwumps.

Hey, everyone, Dastardly is very happy to be here.

No, I'm not.

What kind of calamitous competion

labors over a lackadaisical lesson?

One appropriate for children's television?

-Oh, I hate everybody. -(SNICKERING)

Let's start the race. Go, go, go, go, go!

-Ready, set, go! -(ENGINES REVVING)

(GROANING)

You better get a move on, Mr. Turtle, they got a pretty big lead.

Oh, I'm not worried.

You see, the other fellow being hasty and getting distracted

is why the turtle always wins these races.

-(GROANING) -Touche, away!

(BRICK GROANING) Turtle, good luck.

No hurry. Take your time.

What did that turtle say?

Something about not getting distracted?

Oh, wow, I look great today! Everyone, look at me.

I think he said, "Haste makes waste."

What a ridiculous concept.

When has being hasty ever caused

-something bad to happen? -(GRUMBLES)

PENELOPE: Don't look down.

It's a well-known rule of physics

that no one can fall unless they look down.

Why would I ever look away?

Did you miss me as much I missed you,

you handsome devil, you?

This makes no sense.

How does not looking down keep us--

-PENELOPE: Muttley! -(DASTARDLY GRUNTS)

(SNICKERING)

(ENCHANTING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPING)

-Hello! -Come in, thank you for coming.

I brought a hemoglobin casserole.

Oh, you know me so well.

-Your house looks lovely. -I.Q.: Love the garden.

Dastardly, are you coming?

(GASPING AND PANTING)

(MUFFLED GROANING)

Drat!

BELLA: You stink like foot cheese, Dastardly.

-(ALL SCREAMING) -Drat! (SCREAMS)

♪ Oh, my darling oh, my darling ♪

(ALL SCREAMING)

Well, howdy ya'll. Thanks for droppin' on in.

Huckleberry Hound, what are you doing here?

I'm your special guest star.

I thought I was the special guest star?

Two guest stars are kind of distracting.

-(ALL GROANING) -Three guest stars.

I'm still here.

(DASTARDLY YELPING)

Whatever! On with the race!

(DASTARDLY GROANS)

I.Q.: What's that?

Why, that there, is the Pokesville County Fair.

Ooh, very distracting.

-Let's go have a look. -Great idea!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Ugh! What is wrong with all those children's faces?

They're smiling.

-Children do that? -(CHILD GROANS)

It happens whenever you leave the room.

I'm not sure we should be here.

Doesn't this feel like a distraction from the race? (GROANS)

A hall full of mirrors?

Oh, baby, daddy's home!

Hey, look at how funny these mirrors make me look.

Looks okay to me.

That's right, everybody, I'm still going.

Slow and steady.

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Let the pie-eating contest begin!

Ping, ping, pie! I love pie!

Pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie!

My favorite Pi is

3.1415926535897932384626 433832.

ALL: Huh? Whoa!

(BURPS)

(WHISTLING)

How does this work, exactly?

Well, you just call out for a pig

and see if it mosey on over.

(LAUGHS) Oh, well, that's easy.

You, pig! I demand that you come here, this instant!

PIG: Who are you yelling at, you crum-bum!

-(DASTARDLY YELPS) -No pigs came.

Well then, why don't you try it?

(YELPING)

(YELPING)

Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) Oh, piggy!

-(ALL SQUEALING) -(PETER LAUGHING)

(WHISTLING)

Free balloon rides. That sounds like fun.

Oh, no! If there's any free fun to be fetched at this faulty fair,

it will be mine!

But, Mr. Dastardly, there's a localized low-pressure system

-creating a wind shear vortex directly above us! -(MUMBLING)

(DASTARDLY YELPING)

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

-(GRUNTS) -(PINGS)

-We did it, Brother! -(LAUGHING)

-And the little boy wins a cutie doll-- -(SQUEAKS)

-TINY: Scary! -Clown!

-(PETER SCREAMING) -(PIGS SQUEALING)

(CLOWN GROANS)

CLOWN: I'm okay.

Penelope Pitstop, if you are named Monarch

of the Pokesville County Fair,

what will you do to inspire children everywhere?

Well, Brick, I believe that children are the future.

They are? Ugh!

I never thought of that. We're all doomed!

I'm off to build a bunker. Come along, Muttley.

-And like any responsible role model... -(BEEPS)

I would encourage all boys and girls

to read more, get lots of exercise

be kind, helpful, polite,

never watch television. Streaming is fine.

Work hard in school and always believe in your dreams!

(ALL SNORING)

-Really? -Peter Perfect, same question.

-World peace. -(ALL CHEERING)

That doesn't even make-- Oof!

If you could be a tree,

-what kind of tree would you be? -World peace.

(ALL CHEERING)

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

World peace.

(ALL CHEERING)

Really? (GRUNTS)

(ALL CHEERING)

(GIGGLING) Thank you, thank you, I know.

I'm so very handsome. I know.

(WHISTLING)

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Step right up, folks, and take aim.

-(GASPS) -This is the splashiest attraction at the fair.

(ALL GROAN QUIZZICALLY)

-(SCREAMING) -(GRUNTS)

-Ooh! -(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)

How did that happen? I was in my bunker. (GRUNTS)

That was strange.

(DIGITAL BEEPING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

-(GRUNTS) -(SCREAMS)

Perfect, this is all your fault somehow.

This dunk tank might be broken.

I think it works great. Let me try.

-(THUDS) -(SCREAMS)

Watch this. Ricochet Rabbit!

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING REPEATEDLY)

(SNICKERING)

(WHIMPERING) Let's just get back to the race!

Race? What race?

-What? -I don't know, beats me.

-Do you guys know anything about a race? -(SNORTS QUIZZICALLY)

-Huh? -The race we started at the beginning of the episode,

of the show calledWacky Races!

ALL: Oh!

PENELOPE: Out of my way! PETER: Let's go!

(WHISTLING)

-(ENGINES ACCELERATING) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIREN WAILING)

Okay, little missy, where is the fire?

I'm in a race, Sheriff.

-Buck her, Giblet. -(CLUCKING)

You-- Oh!

Oh! Distractodills. (SNIFFS)

-Hey, guys, wanna be my friend? -(HONKING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(SIGHING) That happens a lot.

(WHISTLING)

Car, activate the time-accelerating oscillation matrix.

-AUTOMATED VOICE:Please don't, I beg you. -Faster! We have to go faster!

Let the heavens split and quake, and nature herself

feel my mighty wind of science!

This will go well.

(BEEPING)

(RUMBLING)

(SCREAMING) Ouch!

(ROARS)

Oh, Heisenbergers. (GROANS)

Oh, howdy, ya'll. Just a friendly reminder to beware of bears.

Ha! Nice try,

but I've been cheating since before people knew

cartoons emotionally damaged children.

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

DASTARDLY: Imagine, that Southern blue dog trying to fool us.

MUTTLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

Now, you tried, Paw.

(YELPING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Whatever you do, don't look down.

(DASTARDLY YELPING)

-Drat, drat, drat, drat! -(THUDS)

(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

Well said, Paw.

(SNICKERING)

Well, now. Looks like all I have to do

is mosey on past that there little turtle fella,

and I'll win this little ol' race.

-Ain't that nice? -(ENGINE REVVING)

-What? -(THUDS)

TOUCHE: Yay, I win.

Don't worry, folks. Big TV stars never do their own stunts.

(GROANS)

Now he tells me already.

And the winner is Touche Turtle.

Ping, ping, ping!

-Did I miss anything? -(SNICKERING)

Wait a moment. I thought this race

was supposed to have a lesson about "not getting distracted"?

But the only reason the turtle won is because he cheated.

-I do that every week. -And who says we get distracted anyway?

Hey, everybody, there's something shiny over there.

-DASTARDLY: Out of my way! I must see it first! -What, where? Let me see.

(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0