Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(CHIRPING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

-(EXPLOSION) -(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)

Hey, hey, hey, there, Wack-ack-acky fun fans!

Welcome to the grand opening of Wackyland!

The latest and greatest money-sucking... (STAMMERS)

Family entertainment venture, Wacky Enterprises.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Yes, folks. Wackyland's really got it all.

Thrilling rides!

-(ALL GRUNTING) -Exciting entertainment!

Oh! Ow! Please stop!

I'm just an unemployed art student with no other way to make a living!

BRICK: And delicious refreshments.

-Mmm. -(GROWLS)

-(SCREAMING) -Huh?

(BAWLING)

Sadness detected.

Must destroy sadness.

(GRUNTS)

(FIRING)

BRICK: And the park's piece of resistance, the Wack Attack!

A fun-filled family race experience

jam-packed with all the thrills, spills, danger,

convenient plot devices and unnecessary violence

that make the Wacky Races a martial cult success

with several users of the Internet.

And who better to take the first lap than the real Wacky Racers.

Oh, I think there's been some sort of mistake.

We're just here on vacation.

I didn't even come to this pernicious park.

One of those ridiculous robot things threw a bag over my head

and dragged me here!

(MUTTERING)

Listen to how excited they are!

Get ready!

Get set, go!

(ALARM BLARING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

(GUNS COCKING)

(FIRING)

(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(MEOWING)

(CATS YOWLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GAGS, COUGHS)

(EXPLOSION)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)

-(THUD) -(ALL EXCLAIM)

(ALL GROANING)

(GIANT EXPLOSION)

Huh! This ride may not be quite as safe as--

Me first!

Shut up and take my money!

No! Take mine!

Take my money now!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What a wonderful place.

(ZOMBIE-LIKE MOANING)

-Everyone looks so happy. -(ZOMBIE-LIKE MOANING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

That looks insanely terrifying.

-I love it! -Let's go!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Oh, gosh and golly. I'm super sorry, little valued guests,

-but you gotta be this tall to get on this ride. -(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

But you have a wack-ack-acky day now!

-Ahh. -Hey, I'm 689 years old.

(ZOMBIE-LIKE MOANING)

PETER'S ROBOT: Greetings, valued park guests.

Are you having a wack-ack-acky day?

Well, yes, I am, you devilishly handsome robot.

Come with me, valued park guest.

We need you for your brain.

You know, I've literally never heard those words before.

(GRUNTS)

So handsome... (SCREAMS)

I.Q.: Whoa...

(GRUNTS AND SIGHS)

Uh, two... (GRUNTS)

Ahem. (IN DEEP VOICE) Uh, one ticket please.

-Look, kid. I just work here. -(MAN SCREAMS)

-(THUDS) -I hate it here.

Pipe down. You hate it everywhere.

-(BOTH GRUNT) -Where's Peter?

I'm too busy being kidnapped by this super handsome robot

to go on that ride with you guys. But have fun!

Hey! Let him go!

-(PETER GRUNTING) -(ALL CLAMORING)

(PETER GRUNTING)

-(PETER SCREAMS) -(ALL CLAMORING)

Gosh, golly, gee, valued park customers!

Are you having a wack-ack-acky day?

I don't talk like that!

We need to climb into that filthy trash container.

I'm so super sorry, but this classic trash container

is presently being remodeled into our new and exciting

movie synergized extreme trash can!

What? It is not.

It's cast members only.

(MUTTERING)

Tiny.

(SCREAMING) I regret nothing!

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Wait a minute. Why am I doing this?

(GRUNTS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(PEOPLE GROANING)

Huh?

(GROANING)

(ALL CONTINUE GROANING)

What do those shirts say?

(PENELOPE READING)

-Okay, now this is just weird. -TINY: Uh-oh.

(GROANING)

Friend. Good!

Mr. Perfect. We found you!

Fun...

-Peter, you okay? -Me very okay.

Me handsome.

Me buy souvenirs. (CHOMPING)

You buy souvenir? Hmm.

Does something seem different about Peter to y'all?

He seems a little simpler.

Let's go home and download cartoons. Hmm.

He seems the same to me.

Hey, guys. You might want to see this.

What's going on?

I.Q.: Apparently, someone is using the energy from these people's brains

to power the park's mechanical mascots.

BELLA: Who would do such a horrible thing?

MAN: Hello, racers.

(ALL GASP)

Um, I'm not actually with these people. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Right, Muttley?

(MUTTLEY AGREES)

Hi, guys! Have you tried the churros?

Hello.

Oh!

Brick, darling. Does this mean for all these years,

you've been secretly plotting to use the beloved brand of Wacky Races

as a tool to conquer the world?

Are you actually an evil mastermind?

Nope. I'm just looking for the bathroom.

Hey, check out this cool new robe I bought.

-Well, see ya. -Bye-bye.

-Well, then who is behind all this? Oh! -(DOOR OPENS)

-(ALL GASP) -Huh.

Shoes good. Me have, see?

(GRUNTS) Me fall down.

(GASPS) Look! What is that?

GIANT BRAIN: I am the creator!

The creator of what?

The creator of all racing-based family-themed entertainment.

And since you found me, I suppose I must reveal

my convoluted plan for world domination.

Oh, please don't.

GIANT BRAIN: You see, many years ago, I was known as Chuck.

A regular television executivebent on world domination.

Uh, aren't they all?

I was the television executivethat greenlit the original Wacky Races.

(SIREN BLARES)

Afterwards, I had my brains removed

and saved in this goo-filled tank, uh,

powered by draing the minds of people foolish enough to come to my park.

Why would you do that?

GIANT BRAIN: I was waiting.

Waiting for the time when TV writers would run out of new ideas

and be forced to reboot the Wacky Races.

(CHEERING)

GIANT BRAIN: All so I could gain access to the brain of Peter Perfect.

-(PETER EXCLAIMING) -Um, why Pete's brain exactly?

Because Peter is the star of the series.

Tiny thought he was the star.

Perfect's brain power? (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)

You haven't actually watched any of the new episodes, have you?

GIANT BRAIN: Well, it's hard to find. But no matter.

As the suave and sophisticated traditional leading man type...

-Oh! -...Peter had the massive brain power

need to energize this sweet robot body!

And to house my super brain and armies of robots

need to achieve total control!

PETER'S ROBOT: Must destroy!

Scary!

You want to run?

Wait for it.

(POWERING UP)

Must destroy Wacky...

(DISTORTED VOICE) Wacky. Wacky. I'm pretty. Aah!

Wacky ding ding! Oh.

Wacky... Oh...

(POWERING DOWN)

Hmm? Hi, everybody.

Hey, did I show you my new shoes? (GRUNTS)

GIANT BRAIN: No! All these years of work.

The careful and meticulous planning... Ruined!

And I would've gotten away with it, too,

if it weren't for you interfering, uh...

What are you, uh, in your mid-20s?

Uh, yep, you bet!

I'm around 10, I think.

I'm 689. And a half.

PENELOPE'S ROBOT: Hey, y'all. Are you having a wack-ack-ack--

PETER'S ROBOT: Uh-oh.

(SCREAMS)

(EXPLOSIONS)

(ALL SCREAM)

(CONTINUE SCREAMING)

Let's get out of here!

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(GIANT BRAIN GRUNTS)

(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

GIANT BRAIN: I really, uh, hate you guys.

We get that a lot.

(GROANING)

Hmm. Whoo!

PENELOPE: Look! Everyone's brain energy is returning to them!

I do feel smarter.

(HONKING)

We did it. We saved everyone!

(GIANT EXPLOSION)

Yeah, thanks a lot. You ruined our vacation.

But they were sucking out your brains in a crazy plot to take over the whole world!

Duh. Media companies do that.

And they gave us all this cool stuff.

I haven't had to talk to my family for days!

(HUMMING)

Hey, there, everybody.

Since your little ol' theme park done exploded,

why don't you mosey on down to Huckleberry's Hometown Hoedown?

(CROWD CHEERING)

What the heck. I'm in!

(ALL CHEERING)

(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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