Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(OWL HOOTING)

-(SCREAMS) -(CHAINSAW BUZZING)

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(WOMAN PANTING)

-(GASPS) -(LAUGHING)

-Ow! -(WOMAN GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

-Movies scare Tiny. -(ALL EXCLAIM)

Oh! Don't look in the back seat!

(ALL SCREAM)

Why does that man in the mask want to eat those people's toenails?

Something to do with fiber, I think.

Don't hide in the closet!

Why do they always hide in the closet?

Deranged lunatics always look in the closet first!

I always do.

(MUTTERING IN AGREEMENT)

(CHUCKLES) Wait, wait. Here comes the funny part.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING) You know, he looks better on the inside.

This inane nonsense is insulting my intrinsic intelligence.

I egress. And on.

-(GROWLING) -(YELPS)

Perfect! It's for you!

-(THUNDERCLAP) -Good evening.

-I am... -(THUNDERCLAP)

Dr. Frankenbeans.

I have come all the way from...

New Haven, Connecticut.

Doctor!

Doccie!

This is your father, boys?

Well, sort of.

The doc here is the mad scientist who created Tiny.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, it was nothing, really.

I had a free weekend, some extra thread,

and all these body parts that I...

Found.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Public forms of familial affection nauseate me.

Did you get that sandwich out of Muttley's stomach?

What? I'm still eating it. (CHOMPING)

Great to see you, Doc. Uh, but why are you here?

I came to give my greatest creation a very special gift.

Kittens!

Even better.

Observe.

Brains?

BELLA: Oh, you found the other half. Excellent.

Why didn't you give Tiny the rest of his brain in the first place?

It fell between the couch cushions.

Oh, look. A jellybean.

Mmm. Interesting flavor.

To the lab!

(DR. FRANKENBEANS LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLING)

Well, that ought to do it.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL WHIMPERING)

(TINY SNARLING)

-He's alive! -(THUNDERCLAP)

More or less.

Tiny, are you awake? How do you feel?

Tiny feel like...

(POSH ACCENT) I've finally reached my full actualized life potential.

This would be a perfect time for a montage, wouldn't it?

Oh, I hope not. Just lazy writing, actually.

Surely the story team can come up

with a more entertaining way to show the audience the changes in Tiny?

All it would take is a little extra effort.

We're gonna do the montage, aren't we?

-Definitely. -Oh, yeah.

(CALLS)

(DOLPHINS CALLING)

(LAUGHS)

(WHIMPERS AND SNIFFLES)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BRICK: On your mark! Get set!

This is my only line. Go!

Hurry, Tiny! We're dead last!

-Ooh, my, my. This will never do. -(CATS MEOWING)

I'll just make a few minor recalibrations.

(ENGINE HUMMING)

BELLA: (EXCLAIMS) What's happening?

(BELLA SCREAMS)

(BELLA CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(BELLA GRUNTING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

Looking good there, Tiny. Well, relatively.

Can I offer you some racing tips? Here's one.

A light rinse really improves hair's highlights and bounce time.

Oh, dear, Peter. You're as amusing as you are simple.

Why, thank you.

Howdy there, Tiny. We're all just so proud of the way that you--

I have no time for chitting or chatting, dear Penelope.

But there's always time for chit-chat!

FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE:Another car approaching on our six, boss.

I.Q.: Look out, Tiny.

I'm about to implement a high octane fuel of my own creation.

FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE:Aha! Take that. In your face.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(BELLA SCREAMING)

(BELLA AND I.Q. SCREAMING)

How disappointing.

I thought you'd be using hydrogen isotopes by now.

Woozy what now?

You better not expect me to go easy, you gregarious gargoyle.

Ha! I would never expect excessive considerations

from any circumscribed competitor

with such a limited vocabulary.

But... What? How dare you!

I have words! I have all the best words!

Muttley, press the button!

(MUTTLEY MUTTERING IN AGREEMENT)

DASTARDLY: (SQUEALS) Uh-oh.

(YELLS)

(EXPLOSION)

(DASTARDLY GRUNTING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Tiny, we have got to talk about your new attitude.

I see your lips moving, but I am not paying attention,

as I am preparing to make an important announcement.

As of today, I am retiring from racing.

-(ALL GASP) -What?

I have decided to put my energies into serving a higher purpose.

I'm becoming a life coach to the tastelessly rich and undeservedly famous.

-Toodles. -(BELLA GRUNTS)

-(TIRES SCREECHING) -(DASTARDLY GRUNTS)

Brother?

-(THUNDERCLAP) -GIRL: (ON TV)Stay back! No!

-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -(SCREAMING)

(SLURPING)

(SOBBING)

There, there, Bella. Just try to remember the good times.

And that there's no way they'll ever come again.

(BAWLING)

Never ever, ever.

Peter, you're not helping.

My heart is breaking.

Well, you are hitting it with a hammer.

It's how I grieve! Don't judge me!

(BOTH CHOMPING)

If anyone cares, Tiny is on the television.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm here to ask...

-Are you a winner? Of course not. -AUDIENCE: No!

But I am. And by taking my extreme self-actualization success seminar,

you'll learn how to stop being a loser

-and finally get that yacht. -(EXPLOSION)

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)-That castle.

That warehouse full of sports cars you don't know how to drive.

So stop being a loser and sign up today for my...

-Power of Winning seminar! -(EXPLOSION)

-Namaste. -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Tiny's new brain has turned him from a kind and gentle soul

to a selfish, cold-hearted huckster.

That's why I never use mine.

My brother will never be truly happy like this.

We have to do something.

But what can we do?

Oh, you could remove half his brain.

Whoa, where did you come from?

Oh, under the couch cushions. Look at all these brains I found.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Love ya. Mean it!

Uh, do take me to the most ridiculously expensive hotel.

Hello, Tiny.

Penelope!

That's right, darling. The team can't stand to see what you've become

and we're here to turn you back

into the innocent little old sugar pie you used to be.

Really? And just how do you propose to do that?

By scooping out your new brain.

(WHIMPERS) Please do excuse me.

ALL: Brains!

ALL: Brains!

PETER: These hockey masks we found are surprisingly comfortable.

PENELOPE: You know, they really are.

ALL: Brains! Brains...

-(SIREN BLARES) -Hey, buddy. You look like you're running from people

who want to scoop out your brains. Need help?

No, I'm sure I'll be able to get away on my own.

Okay, then. Bye-bye.

Could we be of any help?

Oh, I'm good, thanks.

Last chance.

Mind your own beeswax.

(EXPLOSION)

(LAUGHTER)

(GROWLS)

Horror movies. What's up with that?

(SCREAMS)

TINY: I'll pick that one to hide in.

BELLA: Tiny!

-(CHAINSAW WHIRRING) -If you let me have half your brain,

I'll give you this big sandwich

and this basket of Dastardly's baby photos.

(SCREAMING)

You forgot the most basic of all scary movie rules.

Never go up the creepy staircase.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

(SNICKERING)

Must hide in closet!

(SIGHS)

Safe at last.

PENELOPE: Ahem.

Hey, look, Tiny. Unlicensed Wacky Races merchandise.

(SCREAMS)

ALL: Brains! Give us your brains!

I've got him!

Ahh! (GRUNTING)

(SNICKERING)

ALL: Give us the brain! Brain!

ALL: Brain! Brain...

Seriously, dude. Give us half your brain.

Why?

Well, 'cause you've been acting like a jerk.

I know. And I do miss racing with my friends.

I hate my new life.

Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror every day

and see a shallow, self-centered jerk staring back at you?

-No. (SCREAMING) -(CLATTERING)

I want to go back to the way it was.

There's only one thing to do.

ALL: Ew!

That was actually kind of gross.

Tiny! Back!

(GRUNTING)

Oh, look. I found a brain.

I'm going to keep it as a pet

and I will name it Mr. Brainy-pants.

Oh, brother!

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Something's trying to get in!

(SNARLING)

(ALL SCREAM)

(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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