Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

PETER:Wackopolis. It's my city because I'm its hero.

(BARKING)

-And not just anybody can be a hero. -(MEOWS)

-(WHINNIES) -(WHALE SINGING)

It takes character, firm moral fiber, a keen sense of right and wrong.

But most of all...

Rock-hard abs, bulging biceps,

a perfect smile, and of course a rocking cool dimple blaster.

-Sorry. -No worries, I'm good.

MAN: Help!

Won't some dashing, unlicensed vigilante

swoop down to assist me in my moment of need?

An oddly specific cry for help.

I must away to render excessively violent aid

with no forethought and very little due process because...

BOTH: This is my city!

Huh? Oh, um...

-Excuse me. Sorry. -Huh? Huh?

Hi, how are you. Nice suit.

But this is my rooftop retreatfor brooding opening monologues,

I even have a permit.

Me too.

Oh. Pink, nice. But I work alone.

And what about those guys?

Oh, no! Don't you realize

the dangers of oversaturating the superhero market?

What will the toy companies say?

(GRUMBLES) Hmm!

Aw, my dollies!

But they came with a cool blaster chin.

(WOMAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)

I am the Pink Protector.

I have the power of light.

Up, up, and away!

-(THUDDING) -(SCREAMS)

I also have a radioactive rope

that forces anyone it touches to make terrible puns.

Yeah, Sid, even the one with the kung fu laser chin.

Ah! I'll have to call you back, I'm a bit tied up.

And everything I touch turns pink.

-Bleh! -That's more of a curse than a power.

I'm Cy-Q, trusty cyborg boy wonder,

and this, computer arm is my not-so-trusty sidekick AI.

AI:Hurtful.

-Why are you hitting yourself? -Stop it!

-Why are you hitting yourself? -Stop it!

-Why are you hitting yourself? -Come on!

Bleh! I am the massively marketable Bat-Dude.

And, with his power to disappear from the plot

-whenever convenient... -Ow! Ow! (YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

...this is my boy-thing sidekick,

-What's-His-Name. -Invisibility...

(SNORTS) Tickles.

MAN: Help! Hey, seriously,

-is anyone gonna help me? -Oh, right, I almost forgot.

Chin up, brave citizen. Help is on the way.

Hey, wait for us.

MAN: Oh, woe is I!

Woe, I say!

Woe, woe, woe, so very woe-y.

(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)

(SCREAMS AND GROANS)

-(ALL EXCLAIM) -(SPITS)

Thank heavens you've come.

The chin of justice has arrived.

What can I help you with?

I spent all my money at comic book conventions

and I can't no longer afford high speed Internet. Or food.

But mostly the Internet thing.

(SIGHS)

There's never any good crime anymore.

What do you guys got?

PENELOPE: 40 cents. I.Q.: I've got a stinky dime.

Another good deed done.

-Yoinks and away-- -Wait, I need to show you something.

-Hey, hold on. -(DIAL-UP MODEM BEEPING)

(DIAL-UP MODEM STATIC)

Okay, it's buffering.

It's a fan-film I made with my college loans.

Hurry, What's-His-Name, the city needs us!

Back to the... (SPUTTERS)The rest... Ow! Back to... Ow!

(CHUCKLES) It's good, isn't it, huh?

-Oh, my, that's really... -FANBOY ON VIDEO:Ow.

-...something. -Would you like to see my action figure collection?

ALL: No!

-(DASTARDLY LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -(THUNDER CRACKS)

All is occurring according to plan.

While those simpering, sanctimonious superzeroes

are distracted by Uber-nerd,

I can enact my egregiously elegant evil plan!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(SNICKERING)

(SNICKERING ECHOES)

(RUMBLING)

-(ELECTRICITY BUZZING) -Stow the sonic snicker,

you prodigiously powered-up pup.

I'll use my perfectly perfidious psychic powers to take over the mayor's mind

and make her outlaw those dithering do-gooders

-once and for all! -(CACKLING)

Look, uh, your dolls are nice, but we--

They're not dolls, they're action figures!

-(AI BEEPING) -Ah! I'm detecting an emergency broadcast.

Good morning, traffic and weather fans.

We have a breaking news bulletin.

(SCREAMING)

Mayor Manners has issued an order banning all superheroes from Wackopolis.

ALL: What?

We go now to a live statement from Mayor Manners' manor.

-Thank you. Well, hi there... -(SECURITY TEAM GROANS)

...fellow not-brainwashed citizens of Wackopolis,

I just passed by to announce that we will no longer tolerate

these so-called superheroes'

-property damage, violence... -(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

...conventions, and razor-thinbox office margins.

Effective immediately, all superheroes

must report to super jail.

Especially that perfunctorily pathetic peon,

the Mighty Chin.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Mr. the Mighty Chin,

you don't think that maybe someone is controlling the mayor's mind?

Don't be ridiculous. What a far-fetched, crazy idea.

(GASPS) What if someone was controlling the mind of the mayor?

Who could possibly be behind all of this?

Oh, yeah, I would like to present my new adviser,

and very bestest best friend, Dick Dastardly.

-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -(CAT YOWLS)

It's that guy.

The Purple Puppeteer needs to be stopped.

This looks like a job for...

(ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE)

(ALL SHOUTING)

-(BONES CRUNCHING) -Cooperation good.

We'll need to assemble the best team of heroes the legal department

will let us use on this show!

Too expensive.

-That sounds marketable! -(ALL CHEERING)

Won't it be confusing if we introduce new characters

halfway through the episode?

Since when has this show ever worried about confusing?

Thank you all for coming.

I've gathered you all together

because the Puppeteer poses a threat to all of us.

To test your skills, we've designed a ridiculously dangerous gauntlet

-filled with physical and mental obstacles. -(BEEPS)

Beat the course and you get to join the team.

But I'm in the middle of my vacation.

You only work one day a year.

Fair enough. I'm in!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Ow. I quit.

(BELLA SHUDDERS)

SNAGGLEPUSS: Exit stage right! PETER: Sorry.

Oh, my, I hope this works.

Oh, uh, what do you know.

I'm pretty good at this.

(MUNCHES) Sorry.

I can't swim!

Don't worry, Santa, I've got your back!

Ooh, wow, you're a big fellow, aren't ya? (GRUNTING)

-Okay, almost, almost-- -(SHARK ROARS)

PENELOPE: Oh! SANTA: You are on the naughty list!

Sorry.

(LIONS ROAR)

Oh! Why?

Okay, it's just us, then.

Chin up. I have a plan.

The mayor's office is guarded by robo-mutts.

Bad-Dude, you take point.

Once inside, Cy-Q will hack into the security systems and deactivate the cameras.

The Pink Protector will then fly through the air conditioning ducts.

(CAT YOWLING)

Where's the Chin?

You all made it.

Great job, team.

-Why didn't you just do that in the first place? -Do what?

Give it up, Puppeteer, it's over.

(CHUCKLING) Oh. Ooh.

(INHALES)

-(SNICKERING ECHOING) -(SUPERHEROES SCREAMING)

(PETER SCREAMS)

Y'all, I think it's time we remind them

of the power of friendship.

-(FRAME THUDS) -(MAN SCREAMS)

Good guys, let's go for it!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Oh!

(SCREAMING)

Ow!

(GROANING)

(STRAINING)

-(CASH REGISTER DINGS) -(GRUNTS)

(RAPID DINGING)

-(GROANING) -(METAL CLANGS)

(EXPLOSION)

Razzle-frazzle-razzle...

So what do we do now?

We'll have to confront the Puppeteer in his stronghold.

You know where the bad guy's secret lair is?

-For the... Why didn't we just go there? -Go where?

-(THUNDER RUMBLES) -I really hope you know what you're doing.

So do I.

(ALL SCREAM AND EXCLAIM)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(ALL SCREAM)

DASTARDLY: The Mighty Chin!

(CHUCKLES) I am really looking forward

to destroying you!

Not so fast. A real hero never works alone.

-Uh-uh. Uh-uh! -Hmm?

Oh, you seem to be forgetting

-that I have mind control powers. -Huh?

Uh-oh.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(IN HYPNOTIZED VOICE) Good guys bad!

Oh, no, he's got What's-His-Name!

-Who? -Stop that.

Now there, fellows, I don't want to hurt you...

(IN HYPNOTIZED VOICE) That works out well.

(IN HYPNOTIZED VOICE) Because we want to hurt you.

(IN HYPNOTIZED VOICE) Bleh!

No, must resist puns!

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Eating a clock is very time-consuming.

Studying fungus molds young minds.

Now, my minions, turn your powers against each other!

I let you all down. I walked you all into a trap

because I thought I had it all figured out.

I'm so sorry, my friends.

-(IN NORMAL VOICE) Friends? -(IN NORMAL VOICE) We're friends?

(IN NORMAL VOICE) What are we doing?

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Uh, friends good!

Chin, you saved us!

What's happening? How are you breaking free from my control?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Now, you fellows aren't mad, are you?

-(ALL SCREAMING) -(SNICKERING ECHOES)

(ALL GRUNT)

You may have won this round,

but I will have my revenge!

Revenge-- Ouch!

Hooray! We win.

-Yeah. -Oh, what a nice, cozy lair.

Citizens of Wackopolis,

please join me in thanking our heroes for saving me.

-We work great together. -We really do.

Maybe we should become an official team.

Sorry.

We could have a cool name, like Irving.

-(AI BEEPS) -Ow!

-(AI DINGS) -(CHUCKLES)

How about the Gathering of Heroically Marketable Good Guys?

(GRUNTS)

-Ooh, good. -Love it!

Hey, maybe we'll get our own show,

which would be nice because I have a lot of free time.

-(BLOWS LANDING) -Ow!

-Together, nothing can defeat us! -(ROBOTIC WHIRRING)

Not even dese feet?

(CACKLES)

Let's do it.

-(RAPID DINGING) -(LAUGHING HEARTILY) Oh, look at that!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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