Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)

(GIGGLING)

(ALL CHEERING)

-Konnichiwa, race fans! -(CUPCAKES CHIRPING)

Welcome to the exciting city of Tokyo, Japan.

The perfect place for today's race,

The Terran Tokyo-a-Go-Go.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(RACERS CLAMORING) PETER: Gangway!

Wow, these Japanese street maps are hard to read.

Wait, this isn't a map, it's a sushi menu.

-What'll it be, Mac? -Hmm, let's see.

Do you have anything without fish?

Peter, darling, sushi is fish.

Sorry, he's American.

No kidding.

Okay, I'll have some taco, please.

Order up, one Squiddly Diddly.

(YELLING) It's licking my eyeballs!

-(YELLING) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

PETER: Why? Why?

(SINGING)

More! Give me more, you cupcakes. Make me feel it!

(EXCLAIMING IN GRIEF) All I wanted was some drive-through!

-(GRUNTING) -(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Car, have you found the invitation I was sent

to that top-secret government

experimental power research center you lost?

CAR:I did not lose it.

It was right here just before the race started.

Hmm, you're getting forgetful.

I better give you a diagnostic when we get--

Oh, my, Tesla's...

Car! Emergency stop!

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)

CAR:I can taste my back bumper. Why did you do that?

Look.

(ZANY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

CAR:Robots? But why would you be interested in other...

Hey. Wait for me.

(SCREAMING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Muttley, do you have the invitation we stole

from that half-pint prodigy?

(SNICKERING)

DASTARDLY:Excellent. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(CAPTIVATING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow! I've never seen such amazing robots.

-CAR:I'm right here. -They're so elegant!

CAR:I'm right here, I can hear you.

They're so beautiful.

CAR:What do they have that I don't?

-(CRASHES)-Don't answer that.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Remember, Muttley, we have to convince these science scholars

that we are I.Q. and Car,

so we can engender entry into the secretive superstructure

and despoil some devious device

that will appropriate us advantage

in all automotive altercations.

(SNICKERING)

-(KNOCKING AT DOOR) -Yikes!

Identify yourself.

(CLEARS THROAT)Greetings, fellow science nerds.

I am I.Q. Ickly,

and this is my creepy conversing car.

Uh... (MIMICKING HONKING)

You invited me?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome, Mr. Ickly.

Konnichiwa, I.Q.

We are honored by your visit.

Welcome to our laboratory.

You are taller than I thought.

(UNCERTAINLY) Uh, well, yes.

I, uh... I had a growth spurt.

And your car has feet? How unusual.

It's a new design. Saves on tires.

(MIMICKING ENGINE)

(MIMICKING HONKING)

(MIMICKING ENGINE)

You can take him for a ride, if you like.

(GROANING)

-(MICKING A CAR) -(CRASHING)

I'll say, what is that?

We've discovered a highly reactive sea of green liquid

beneath Mount Fuji

that supercharges anything it touches.

It does?

Go get me a gob of that goop.

(MUTTLEY WHIMPERING)

-I.Q.! -Where?

Contact with the energy matrix

could have horrific side effects.

Your car/dog is in terrible danger.

(EXCLAIMING)

(INDIFFERENTLY) We had a good run.

Is there a lunchroom? I'm a bit peckish.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

-(THUMPING) -(WHIRRING)

(GROANING)

(WHIRRING)

(PANTING)

-(THUDDING) -How do you feel?

(MECHANICAL GROWL)

(YELPING)

He seems fine to me.

What's in these rice balls?

Ball.

-(RUMBLING) -(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(SCIENTISTS EXCLAIMING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)

-(THUDDING) -(RUMBLING)

(SNICKERING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(SLURPING)

Where are you going, you callow colossus?

What about my power source?

That's your doing, I assume?

Pretty much.

It seems Muttley's body has grown gigantic,

but his brain stayed the same size.

Relatively speaking, his mind is practically irrelevant.

-So what else is new? -I.Q.

We're gonna need a way

to stop Muttley from destroying Tokyo.

Tough one. If only I had one of those super-cool robots.

CAR:"My name's I.Q.

"Mmm, look at all these robots. They're so cool.

"You look like a weird flying lemon.

"Everybody hates you.

-Car, I need you.-You do?

Sure, I.Q., anything you want.We could even try that thing--

What are you doing?

(CAR YELLING)

Oh, my stars and garters!

PETER: What's happening? All I can see is suckers.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(BURPS)

(SNICKERING)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMING QUIZZICALLY)

Car, you look great.

Thanks, boss. You do good work.

Muttley, you need to stop this now, darling.

Or we'll stop you, for your own good, of course.

(ROARING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Tune-up time!

(RACY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Racer Pink!

Oh. (CLEARING THROAT) Racer Red.

-Green! -Racer Blue!

A sort of stylish purple with lilac highlights.

Racer Yellow!

(EXCLAIMING)

(YELLING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(BEEPING)

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

-(ELECTRICITY BUZZING) -(EXCLAIMING IN AGONY)

Everybody ready?

(ROARING)

(SCREECHING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Uh-oh.

DIRECTOR: Come on, emote.

Give me more. We're making art here, people.

(GROWLING)

I wonder what this button does.

(GROANING)

Ooh, cool.

Now it's my turn.

Take this, Muttley.

(EXPLOSION)

Drat.

Maybe it's your diet, old buddy.

(BOTH SNICKERING)

We need to get him out of the city.

Leave that to me.

(RUMBLING)

(GROWLING)

(WHIRRING)

That seems a bit odd.

That's the part of this that seems odd to you?

(MUTTERING)

(SNICKERING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

Never fear, fellow racers.

I'll get us out of this.

(EXCLAIMING QUIZZICALLY)

(GRUNTING)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

This isn't going so well.

We can still use our legs.

(GROANING)

System failure!

(GRUNTING)

That's it.

I have taken all I'm going to

from that mutated mutt.

Listen here, you malevolent monster-movie wannabe!

You've absolutely ruined the race,

and this whole episode.

Do you realize that during that whole battle

I hardly had any lines at all!

But you still had more than I did.

Wait, look. I think he's getting through to Muttley.

...you dimwitted dog!

Oh, drat. This is all your fault, too!

(YELPING)

You call that a rescue, you gargantuan gloryhound?

You completely disintegrated my cool Japanese costume.

(SNICKERING)

Aw, it's always so sweet to see a man

and his giant mutant fire-breathing dog

together again.

Yeah, but Muttley is still huge.

(CLEARING THROAT) Would this be a good time

to test my de-monster-fication machine?

Have you... What, what?

Have you had that this entire episode?

(GRUNTING)

(THUDDING)

Who's a good doggie?

Great to have you back, Muttley.

Typical.

I save the day,

and they fawn all over that lugubrious layabout.

(SMOOCHING)

CAR: (WEAKLY)Glad to be of help.

Don't worry, Car,

I'll have you fixed up in no time.

CAR:Sure you wouldn't rather just have

one of those fancy new robots?

Aw, I could never replace you.

You're my best friend.

CAR:Sniff. What are you all looking at?

This is a perfectly normal relationship

between a boy and his car.

Uh, it's really not.

Hey, what's that over there?

Goo.

That appears to be some of the residual kinetic amplifier

that mutated Muttley in the first place.

And it's mine!

(LAUGHING)

Uh-oh.

And so, our racers once again run ridiculously off-course...

(GROWLING)

...and yet another city pays the inevitable price

professional sports entertainment always demands of the innocent.

So, by default,

Muttley wins the Terran Tokyo-a-Go-Go.

(WAILING)

(BRICK SCREAMING)

-(CUPCAKES SCREAMING) -(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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