Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Get back here!

Welcome, welcome, race fans, to the beautiful country of India,

also known as the "Land of Dreams."

Ah!

(COWS MOOING)

India is known as the "land of magic and music,"

where anything can happen.

So, don't overthink it.

With me here are the sponsors of today's race,

the Pasheeri family and the Rashads.

Mrs. Pasheeri,

I understand that immediately after the race,

you'll be using your powers as a mother to guilt your son

to marry a rich American reality TV star he doesn't love.

(FAST-PACED MUSIC PLAYING)

-(SHARK ROARS) -(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

We're cool.

And you're not.

Yes. But isn't that a strange thing to bring up now?

Just moving the plot along, ma'am.

It's my job.

Can you tell us a little about how the feud started?

Well, Brick, it is a long story that started many years ago.

(BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)

Okay. Then, never mind.

BRICK: I'll just say that in classic love story tradition,

the family's two young and innocent children have fallen deeply in love,

but are being kept apart by the parents' pointless and petty feud.

We have a few moments before the race begins,

so the racers are checking out this local street bazaar, and who can blame them?

Hello, peasant from another culture.

I would like a hamburger with extra secret sauce,

a super-sized bucket of french fries and a diet soda.

Seriously, we don't have that.

We have this lovely local cuisine.

I should embrace new experiences and try new things.

Um, I'll have a hot pepper.

Oh, no, not again.

(TRADITIONAL INDIAN MUSIC WITH LADY VOCALIZING)

Muy caliente.

Ooh, spicy.

(SCREAMING)

Clean up on aisle three.

(SPEAKING MARATHI)

A-ha! Very clever. Pitstop learning some foreign phrases,

thereby gaing a competitive edge.

Oh, no, Dastardly.

I just learned a few Marathi phrases as a courtesy to our hosts.

Well, two can play that game.

I happen to speak the local language myself.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SPEAKING MARATHI)

Gadzooks, you malevolent Mumbari!

Why did you do that?

You just asked him to hit you over the head with a mallet.

I did not!

That's not what (SPEAKING MARATHI) really means.

(GROANS)

Drat!

The service here is really outstanding.

(CROWD CHEERING)

The Bombay Getaway is about to begin.

-(ENGINES REVVING) -Racers, are you ready?

Of course, as they say in Mumbai...

(SPEAKING MARATHI)

Why don't these people understand their own language?

On your mark, get set, go!

-(CRASHING) -Ooh, aah, ow!

Ooh, Mr. Brick, they run you over.

I think that is his spleen over there.

(GAGGING)

-(TIRES SCREECHING) -(COWS MOOING)

Wow, this is very exciting, isn't it?

(SCREAMING)

Please stop hitting me.

PENELOPE: What are you doing in my car?

I'm so sorry. But I had to get away.

My mother wants me to marry a person with just good looks,

and no brains whatsoever.

-PETER: (OVER RADIO)Did you call me? -No, Peter, darling, not you.

Okay-dokey-dooky-doo!

(SIGHING) I love Rani, but our families have forbidden us to marry.

(GASPS) Oh, forbidden love.

How romantic.

Mr. Perfect.

Please, no autographs while I'm driving.

If you please, sir, would you help me catch my dear Aarav,

who has secreted himself in your friend's car,

so I may convince him to run away with me against our families' wishes,

but in true service to the love that burns

in our young and innocent hearts?

(SNORING)

Mr. Perfect?

Handsome!

Okay, you talked me into it.

How many autographs do you want?

(ENGINE REVVING)

Muttley, prepare to activate

the greatest, most awesome cheat of my entire career.

-Mr. Dastardly. -(EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

You must catch Penelope Pitstop's car.

-Huh? -I'm not a taxi service.

(SNICKERING)

Why should I help you go anywhere?

My son is escaping from his wedding

-because he is in love. -Bored now.

-Muttley, press the eject. -(EXCLAIMING)

Because if you do, I will declare you winner of the race.

And I'm back in.

Muttley, disarm the explosive guest ejection seat,

and activate the high-thrust boosters!

-(BEEPING) -(EXCLAIMS)

We've got to bring those two crazy kids together!

Actually, we are trying to keep them apart

Don't care.

(EXCLAIMS) What are you doing?

Just catch those cars.

Okay, Tiny, activate the afterburner.

(ROARING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

We're not catching them.

I'll have to call on the Many-Colored Assassins of Joy

to bring back my daughter.

BELLA:Many-Colored Assassins of Joy.

What a blood-curdling name.

I love it!

(INHALES DEEPLY)

-(HORN BLARING) -(CACKLING)

(SITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNAKES HISSING)

-(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) -(COWS MOOING)

Oh, my stars and garters, who are they?

AARAV: They work for Rani's father.

He must have sent them to bring me home,

and force a life of parties, fame, and riches upon me.

How can he be so cruel?

Yeah, he sounds awful.

Well, don't worry. I still have a few tricks up my little pink sleeve.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

RANI: Don't let my true love get away.

Along with those glasses, I also have a line of chin cozies.

And a souvenir bobblehead that may interest you.

Come back, darling. Don't you know a mother's overwhelming,

smothering, soul-crushing love is good for you?

Car, engage thrusters.

Wow! This little car has some zip!

But aren't you not in this episode?

It's the Bollywood episode.

Don't overthink it or the dancing will really confuse you.

-What dancing? -Just wait.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

-Look out! -(EXCLAIMS)

-(ALL YELLING) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

We're trapped!

This is all Penelope's fault.

Pandora, where did you come from?

Don't overthink it.

Uh-oh.

Rani!

Aarav, my love.

-(LAUGHING) -Oh, I'll never leave you again.

-Aw. -Yuck.

Love beautiful.

I think I feel my heart beating again.

(THUMPING)

(GROANS)

Oh, no, never mind.

Enough of this foolishness.

Aarav, you are coming back with me!

No, Mother. Can't you see that Rani and I are in love?

Do not be ridiculous!

Love is what American TV commercials use to sell super-sized tubs

of ice cream-for-one on Valentine's Day.

Get them!

DASTARDLY: We're doomed!

Muttley! This is all your fault!

-Huh? -What are you going to do about it?

(SNICKERING)

(INDIAN PERCUSSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

What are you doing?

Did you eat curry for breakfast?

I think he's dancing.

It looks like curry breakfast to me.

Okay, this is happening.

Did they all have a curry breakfast?

Oh, lighten up, Richard.

It's fun, Mr. Dastardly.

-What should we do? -Come on, guys!

Get your baba boogie on!

Looks like fun, doesn't it?

No, no, no, no! Don't you dare, Pitstop!

(BOLLYWOOD INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING)

(CLAPPING IN RHYTHM)

Drat!

♪ When that Bombay beat bites you

♪ The rhythm It excites you

♪ One spark and it ignites you

♪ To jump up and dance, dance, dance

♪ And even when it's scary

♪ No point in feeling weary

♪ Just joing and declaring

♪ Y'all want to dance, dance, dance

(SINGING IN HINDI)

♪ You might as well just face it

♪ Join in and then embrace it

♪ Someone to knock the basic

♪ It's time Let's dance, dance, dance

(SITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING IN HINDI)

♪ When that Bombay beat bites you

♪ The rhythm It excites you

♪ One spark and it ignites you

♪ To jump up and dance, dance, dance

(SINGING IN HINDI)

♪ And even when it's scary

♪ No point in feeling weary

♪ Just joing and declaring

♪ Y'all want to dance, dance, dance

♪ You might as well just face it

♪ Join in and then embrace it

♪ Someone to knock the basic

♪ It's time to dance, dance ♪

So, what exactly just happened?

A happy ending, of course.

Aarav and I are married,

our families reconciled,

and Mrs. Pasheeri married my father.

Indian weddings are nearly as much fun as a funeral.

-Everyone happy. -(BONES CRACKING)

We certainly are.

Well, I'm not!

Now, Dicky, don't be a party-pooper.

Everyone gets married at the end of Bollywood musicals.

I have no idea what just happened.

And where is Muttley?

He married that reality TV star,

and now has the most popular show on basic cable.

(PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING)

So cool.

(SNICKERING)

That still doesn't make any sense.

This show never does. Don't overthink it.

(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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