Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

Muttley, discharge my diabolical, but deviously different device

designed to deliver--

Oh, Dastardly, just get on with the cheating already.

You do tend to rattle on a bit, Dicky, old buddy.

It has been said that brevity is the soul of wit.

Careful not to talk too much.

Fine. Muttley, press the button.

(SNICKERING)

This takes all the fun out of it.

After all, if it's wasn't my alluring inspiration

this show would be nothing but inappropriate violence

and tasteless gross-out gags. Uh-oh.

(ALL GROANING)

How disgusting, I love it.

Wait. Why does this taste like grape jelly?

What? Oh, sorry, guys. I missed lunch.

Out of my way, you gastronomically gauling gourmand.

(ALL GROANING)

Woo-hoo, victory!

What?

Oh, hey, guys. Were you racing?

We were indeed, Mr. Crashman.

What's going on?

Where are all our fans?

Uh, nobody came.

But folks just love our racing show on the TV.

(CHUCKLES) Now, that's cute. Nobody actually watches your TV show,

It's the lowest rated show in the history of animated sports programs.

We're lower rated than cartoon golf.

Hey, we just got canceled.

Guess it's back to Canadian sci-fi shows for me.

Canceled? Oh, no!

This is because I didn't have enough lines.

What do we do now?

(GROANING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Prepare yourselves, unworthy ones,

for he has arrived.

Greetings. My name is Alfred Nerfberger

of Wacky Brothers Big Time Films Studios.

I'm a big-time super-important studio movie development executive.

And that's an assistant. Say hello, Eugene.

-Hello. -That's enough.

I want you to come with me to Hollywood

to star inWacky Races, The Movie.

But our TV show just got canceled.

Because I didn't have enough lines.

Look, guys, if there's one thing I'm sure of,

is that big budget movie versions of old failed TV shows

are absolute, sure-fire blockbusters.

Mmm... I don't know.

It seems kinda like a bad idea to--

Mr. Nerfberger is a genius! A genius. Never question him.

He is the greatest, smartest, most important person in the entire world!

Do you hear me? Do you?

This isn't just a movie to me.

It's a dream passion project I've been wanting to make my whole life.

If you won't be a part of it, I'll just have to quit my obscenely high-paying job,

move out of my luxury automated sky house

and apply my genius to something far less important than making movies.

Like curing disease or ending world hunger or something stupid like that.

Do not. Don't do that.

It will be such a waste of genius.

-We'll do it. Right, guys? -Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can we come?

No. And now, off to Hollywood.

-Wow. -So, this is Hollywood.

I never dreamed it would be like this.

It's so... It's just so...

It's a dump.

The people here are a bit peculiar.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

And nobody knows how to drive.

(GASPING AND SCREAMING)

(CARS CRASHING)

And why are the streets so sticky?

Because they're covered in melted dreams.

(BREATHES SHAKILY) Melted dreams!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Well, at least we found the studio.

TINY:Who are they?

PENELOPE:Think they're writers.

Please let me in.

(WRITERS MUMBLING)

Read my screenplay.

WRITERS: Read my screenplay.

-What do you want? -I have an appoint-- (GROANING)

Oh, if you please, sir, we were told to come here.

-You're not writers, are you? -(GRUNTS)

-No. -What about that one?

He looks like a writer.

Oh, that's just my brother. Technically, he's brain-dead.

So, he is a writer.

Mr. Wobbly told us to come here.

Oh, okay.

(WRITERS GROANING)

But you have to move fast.

-Come on in. -(WRITERS GASP)

(WRITERS CLAMORING)

It's a dystopian nightmare out there.

Welcome to Hollywood.

Come in, racers. Welcome to the magic.

(GROANS)

I want you to meet the other members of our super-big tent pole

high concept, A-list movie film production.

Noah Diaz, writer, big fan.

I see this film's a bittersweet piece about love and loss and--

Max Control, director. I see it as a feel-good, yet gritty action thriller

with heroes who find treasure, under, get this,

the Pentagon.

(CHUCKLES) That's what I meant.

Leticia Chavez, producer.

I see the film as a four-quadrant, tent pole, a massive effects budget.

BOTH: That's what we meant.

(LAUGHS) Swell. I don't know what any of those words mean.

So, how is it different from any other day for you?

There's free food here.

(ALL CHOMPING)

That's disgusting.

That's alright. All actors are disgusting in real life.

They're more like trained dogs than people.

So when do we start?

Right now!

Max, the cars and costumes look fantastic.

-You are such a visionary. -(GROANS)

MAX:They're gritty, and cool and the toy people love them.

There'll be toys?

-Sure. Nerds love them. -(GROANS)

It says mine comes with a jet pack, night-vision goggles

and a working machine gun.

It says mine shops and cooks while wearing a tiara.

Mine carries a warning that it will make children sad.

And explode for no reason.

(SNICKERING)

All right, people, let's make some magic.

We're starting with the scene where the alien cameloids

are trying to destroy you with bombs and dynamite

before you can save the Super-President from foreign cyborg spies.

-I'm sorry, what now? -Wait a moment.

Are those explosives real?

(CHUCKLES) Of course not. They're just prop explosives.

Oh, good. Phew!

Made out of concrete. And action!

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING) Acting is hard.

Don't hurt my beautiful brain.

It tickles!

I can't drive away.

Ow! These stupid cars don't work.

That's because they're specially designed movie props.

(OVER MEGAPHONE)Release the cars!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, these guys are naturals. I actually believe they're afraid.

Are those rocks real?

Of course not. They're prop rocks.

-Good.-Made out of explosives.

(SCREAMING)

How is that, Mr. Director?

Ooh, sorry, guys. Whoopsie, I left the lens cap on.

We'll have to do it again. Would like a tofu burger? They're cruelty-free.

(GROANS) No. They're not.

Okay, now in this scene, all you got to do is driveyour cars across the back lot.

Will there be aliens?

Uh, no, you have already driven the aliens off the planet.

-Good. -Mmm-hmm.

And now the planet is taken over by crazy vampire mutants.

-What? -(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GROWLING)

Let's get out of here.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

And... Action!

Uh-oh.

Oh, good thing this is all just a movie or I'll be scared out of my mind.

(GROANING) Uh-oh.

Peter, you okay, darling?

I'm good. It's just a movie. Still good.

(GRUNTING) I'll have--

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Only a pinhead like Peter would allow these egregious extras get the better of him.

(HONKING)

(MUTANTS GROWLING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

I'm here to take lunch orders.

I'll have the organic pre-spun Belgian-grown oats and hay salad.

Could I get mine with kale?

Ooh, do they have a manatee washed kale?

(EXPLOSIONS)

Uh, shouldn't someone be watching this?

No, they'll be fine.

On second thought, drop the salad and bring me a manatee.

Get behind me, Muttley. I'll protect you.

MUTTLEY: Mmm?

Of course not. And they said I couldn't act.

Here, take him instead of me.

(GROANING)

-(GROANING) -(HORSE WHINNIES)

Oof, take that. Oof.

Aren't you all overdoing this?

Eh... It's a living. (GROANS)

Uh-oh.

Oh, my stars and borders.

(SCREAMING)

That's it. I'm giving these movie folks a piece of my mind.

ALL: What?

What's going on here?

Hey, kids. Great news.

The studio's been bought by a cartoon company.

And I'm the new executive in-charge of production.

What happened to Mr. Nerfberger?

(CHUCKLING) Well, he's working on a new project.

-WRITERS: Read my script! -(SCREAMING)

As you can see, we're skewing millennial now.

So, you've been replaced by younger, more beautiful actors.

(SNICKERING)

The best part is we've got a new young, hip director!

No. I'm a visionary!

And action!

(THUMPING)

Oh, no. It's like, a killer robot or a something.

Better leave this to me. After all, I do have superpowers.

No, dudes, I totally got this.

DIRECTOR:Cut!

And bring in the stunt doubles.

(WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

DIRECTOR:And action!

(GROANING) No!

-(SCREAMING) -(ALL GRUNT)

Mmm... My chicken tastes like brains.

That's it. We quit!

Oh, that'stres cool.

This movie is gonna be retold as a CG musical anyway.

If you wanna go back to your old racing show,

that's starting up again.

It is? Why? The ratings were terrible.

Yeah. But it's easier than thinking up new ideas.

Cut! Perfect.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

So, what did you think, Mr. Executive?

Nah.

(SNICKERING)

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