Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

(SPLASH)

Hey, hey, Wacky Race fans, Brick Crashman here,

high over the high seas bringing you live coverage

of our first-ever transatlantic race.

Huh? (SCREAMING)

Ah! There's really nothing like an ocean voyage to relax the body.

You bet, Penny! (GRUNTS)

Just smell that, uh, bracing ocean air.

Mm. Ah!

(GROANING AND MUMBLING)

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

My favorite body of water is the Dead Sea.

But this is nice, right, Tiny?

Sushi. Mmm, good.

I noticed an unusual variation

in the number of Piscean species around here.

-There are catfish... -Meow.

-Dog-fish... -(SNICKERING)

Angel-fish, swordfish,

surgeon-fish, king-fish, a pilot-fish,

a monk-fish, a butter-fish, a jelly-fish...

A peanut butter and jelly-fish,

-a standoff-fish... -Hmm.

A Snagglepuss.

Exit stage wet, even!

Nature class is over, you nattering, nautical ninny-hammers!

It's time to fish, or cut bait.

Hmm.

(REVVING)

Ah!

(SHRIEKING)

(THUDDING AND YELLING)

Ow, ow, ouch! Ow, ow...

(SNICKERING)

(ENGINES REVVING)

I do believe we're slowing down.

What's happening?

I think someone just flushed the ocean.

-Look! -PENELOPE: It's a whirlpool.

BELLA: It's sucking us down to a watery grave.

How wonderful!

Everyone, activate submersible modes.

(ALL SCREAMING)

This race has taken another unexpected turn.

This time downward, to the bottom of the ocean.

What! Where did you come from?

I'm Pinocchio.

I live inside the whale, but I'm ever so lonely.

Wanna be my friend and sing happy songs with me?

♪ Oh a friend is a friend right till the very end... ♪

Go away, kid! You bother me.

(PINOCCHIO SCREAMING)

At last, I'm free of that whale's stomach.

I'm so very happy.

♪ Oh, I'm so happy and full of-- ♪

PINOCCHIO:Oh, come on.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

What's that below us?

It appears to be the lost city of Atlantis.

Cool, I've always wanted to see Atlantic City.

We should visit my cousin Vinny.

He knows people.

(THUDS AND GURGLING)

Hey, this is pretty cool.

It's beautiful.

I.Q.: I've never seen anything so beautiful.

(HONKING HORN) Greetings, disgusting mouth-breathers.

I am the mighty and unpredictable Tridonius Rex,

King of Atlantis!

I'm the one who brought you here.

-Why? -Two reasons.

One, it's Taco Tuesday,

two, I'm crazy!

(HONKS HORN)

Of course you are.

Why is everyone we meet crazy?

You're here to compete against the champion racer of Atlantis,

who just happens to be my son.

Racers, meet Lord Seaguy!

Yo, what up?

Hey, I'm like the super moody,

brooding, all-time race champion of the entire ocean.

-Selfie? -(CAMERA CLICKS)

I'm also endowed with special abilities.

Such as?

I can swim.

Big deal. Everybody can swim.

We're swimming now, the fish are swimming.

So cool. What else can you do?

-I can talk to fish. -(SARCASTICALLY) Sure you can.

Revel in my mad skill, surface dwellers.

How are you doing?

(GURGLING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

What's he saying?

He says he's fine,

and he would like my autograph.

-Oh, my. -Totally nuts.

Complete wackadoodle.

I have spaghetti on my head, it's my best friend.

So, who's ready to race?

Well, King Rex, as much of an honor as that would be,

we are in the middle of another race,

so we have to be going.

(WHINING DRAMATICALLY) Daddy, the mouth-breathers are gonna go bye-bye.

Don't be silly you big silly boy, you,

they're not going anywhere.

Or if they do, I'll be forced to use my awesome sea-powers

to cause terrible tidal waves that will flood the surface world.

-Oh, go ahead, what do I care. -(YAWNS)

Destroying the world unless we do your evil bidding,

kind of old-hat, don't you think?

What else you got?

Look, my kid's got a movie coming out.

I can get you tickets.

Remember, I talk to fish.

ALL: Nah.

Okay, how about if you don't race,

I turn you all into mer-people?

-Yeah. -REX:And not the good kind.

Oh.

So, uh, fellas, what's it gonna be?

We'll race. (SIGHS)

Sigh.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, hey, hey, race fans,

this is deep-sea bends Brick Crashman

with the first ever Atlantis 5000.

In the booth with me today is the barking-mad king of Atlantis,

-Tridonius Rex. -(BARKING)

Call me "Rex." Or for short, "Colonel Buttercup,

"Master of time, space, and infinity!"

(IN DEEP VOICE) I can control atoms with my mind.

(IN REGULAR VOICE) This is my hat, Sir Isaac Newton.

Don't look into his eyes, he's crazy.

Okay.

(TRUMPETS SOUNDING)

(CRASH AND YELL)

(GROANING)

Look, man, they gone and hit the girl.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CREAKS AND SNAPS)

You know, Patrick,

I really admire you surface celebrities.

It's "Peter," actually, but that's very nice of--

The way you can just let yourselves go like you have,

go get doughy and dumpy,

and have disgusting lines around your eyes.

You can look as bad as you want and no one cares.

But not me, my fans expect me to look good.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(BEEPING)

Lines around my eyes?

Oh, Peter, don't listen to him,

he's just messing with your head.

Then I'm not a hideous nose goblin?

"Hideous"? Of course not.

You're nearly as handsome as me and Tiny.

Yeah...

Gosh, thanks guys.

(ALL SCREAMING)

DASTARDLY: Drat! How could things possibly get worse?

(CREAKS AND THUDS)

-PENELOPE: Dastardly? -(ALL SCREAM)

I knew it was a mistake the moment I said that.

(WATER GURGLING)

It's good to be king of the sea.

(SCREAMS AND THUDS)

Alas, I must forever hide my twisted visage

and live in isolation and obscurity.

(SIGHS IN DEFEAT) I might as well have a podcast.

Peter, get a hold of yourself!

Lord Seaguy was just playing mind games with you.

True. But I have an even better cheat coming up,

or should I say, "down."

Denizens of the deep, assemble!

(SONAR BEEPING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROWLING)

Yes, Master, how may I serve you?

Go away, kid, you bother me.

-(SNAPS) -PINOCCHIO:Oh, come on.

Foolish air-breathers,

no one outraces the mighty Seaguy.

I leave you to your digestive doom

and underdeveloped stomach muscles.

Drat! This couldn't possibly get worse.

(GURGLING)

Meow.

PENELOPE: Dastardly?

Oh, I guess he really could talk to the fish.

Who cares? It's still a lame superpower.

Don't worry, darling, things aren't all that bad.

Nothing could be worse

than being trapped at the bottom of the ocean

in the stomach of a giant cat-fish!

Except, maybe, a gianter dog-fish?

Well, of course, I mean, that's just obvious...

What are you blathering about, Perfect?

That.

Meow.

(SNICKERING)

Huh? (SNICKERING)

(SNICKERING)

Are you all thinking what I'm thinking?

I sure am.

But where will we get enough mayonnaise

and a box full of hand-puppets?

Muttley, could you ask your friend to do us a favor?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-(CROWD CHEERING) -And here comes Lord Seaguy

with a significant lead over the other racers

who are nowhere in sight.

(LAUGHING) That's Daddy's little guppy.

Your mer-mommy and I are so proud,

aren't we, dear?

Wait! There's another fish in the race.

Oh, or is that a dog?

-(CAMERA CLICKS) -Hm?

BRICK:No, it's a dog-fish.

(INHALES AND SPITS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

No!

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

-(THUDDING) -(ALL GROANING)

Well, we won.

And saved the world. (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

That's great.

-Bleh. -Blah, too.

(GURGLING)

Why didn't we let him destroy the world again?

-(THUDS) -Meow.

You guys smell like the inside of a fish.

(PHONE RINGING)

It's an alert from my superhero group,

the Unnecessarily Violent Champions of Extreme Justice.

I must away!

Justice champions, assemble!

Worst person ever.

Uh-huh.

Let's just go. We have a race to finish.

-Hey, guys. -Lord Seaguy, what happened?

Um, the team kinda left without me.

I'm sure it's just a mix-up.

They'll be texting any minute now.

Any minute.

Of course they will.

Absolutely, darling.

Now you go on and have a good time now.

Hey, can I come with you guys?

ALL: No!

Son, it's time you were getting home.

Your mother wants you to clean out your tank.

Hey, I'm a tugboat now.

(IMITATING HORN) Woo-woo.

Oh, man!

(SNICKERING)

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